Children of the Revolution
by Istani
Summary: Marauders era. Will a friend, someone who really cares, manage to tilt the scales when the time comes for Severus Snape to make a crucial choice? Of love triangles and a Silver Trio. AU.
1. All the Young Dudes

Disclaimer: I'm not J.K. Rowling- so don't sue me because I do not intend to make money of this story. All properties belong to her. I'm just borrowing them to play with them, cherish them, and probably give them a better future than she designed for them....

Some parts of conversation you might recognise were taken from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, chapter 33, the Prince's Tale.

Summary: It's the Seventies- in the wizarding world, Voldemort rises to power while the Muggle world celebrates the sound of glam rock. A new generation of young wizards and witches start their adventures at Hogwarts, new friendships are formed while others get crushed in a system of inter-house rivalry, prejudices, and the ideals of pure-blood supremacists. The looming shadow of the Dark Lord rising doesn't make things easier for the youngsters- he is a threat to some and a hero to others, but he cannot be ignored. Eventually, everyone has to make a choice. Young Severus Snape is blinded by hatred, and driven by a thirst for knowledge and power- can a true friend tilt the scales when the crucial moment comes for him to make a choice?

And that's only how the adventure starts. How will it end?

Of love triangles and a Silver Trio. AU

_***_

.

Children of the revolution

1 All the young dudes

_September 1__st,__ 1971 _

_King's Cross, London_

_Platform nine and three-quarters_

"Freaks," Petunia Evans muttered as her eyes roamed the platform, crowded with people wearing robes. They looked like they had just escaped a movie about medieval London, all dressed up, and in between the shouts of welcome, the loud chattering, she heard cats mewling, owls hooting, toads croaking- it was a zoo. A freak show of weirdoes and her sister was one of them. A witch. Abnormal.

She glared at the boy standing slightly hunched a short distance away, occasionally stealing glances at her sister. The pretty one, sparking with colours, red-haired and green-eyed. Her parents' pride, although she belonged to _them_ now... And next to that awful boy stood a thin, sallow-faced, sour-looking woman- his mother- as sullen as she appeared, she didn't seem to be overly fond of him either.

_It's all his fault_, Petunia thought, as though he alone was to blame for the fact that her sister was a witch and she wasn't. Good Lord, fortunately not, thank you very much. She was quite happy being perfectly normal. But he- that awful boy- had perverted her sister. Had told her little baby sister that she was a witch, and everything had gone downhill since then. Without him, things would still be alright between them.

Petunia glanced at her parents. They seemed to be utterly fascinated by whatever happened around them- the mewling cats, hooting owls, and most of all, those weirdoes in robes, looking extravagant. _Freaks_.

Her father was pointing out things to her mother, open-mouthed and with eyes big as saucers in wonder; he was having a great time. Petunia shook her head, incapable of understanding why her parents were so proud of having a witch in the family- but it had always been Lily this, Lily that...

"Absolutely amazing, isn't it?" A man exclaimed, smiling broadly at her father. He was wearing normal clothes- blue jeans and a dark blue jacket- so he wasn't one of _them_, but he didn't look particularly decent either. His blonde hair was too long, reaching over his collar. Like a hippie! And in Petunia's book of dislikes, hippies came close after wizards and witches. Weirdoes.

"It is, it is," her father nodded enthusiastically. "Just to imagine there is a whole world next to ours!" Then he extended his arm to offer a handshake. "John Evans. My daughter Lily is going to Hogwarts today."

Petunia groaned, wishing her father wouldn't boast with precious Lily- he shouldn't be so proud of having a freak in the family.

"Chris Lestrange," the other man introduced himself. "My daughter Raven is also going to Hogwarts today."

And he pointed to a teary-eyed, petulant looking plump little girl. She was anything but pretty. Her black hair was an unkempt mess that appeared as if it had been butchered with a knife, and indeed, she had cut it off in a fit of defiant protest. The result was uneven spikes that framed her pale, round face.

"I don't want to go to stupid Hogwarts," she said stubbornly. "Why can't I go to the same school Emma is going?"

Mr Lestrange chuckled as he ruffled his daughter's hair. "But sweetie, you're a witch like your mother, and little witches do attend Hogwarts. I'm sure it will be wonderful there- I would want to go..."

"Then why don't ya go in my stead?" the girl grumbled, rolling her eyes. She was totally miserable, and Petunia almost felt sorry for her. What a pathetic little girl!

Meanwhile, her father pestered Mr Lestrange with more questions than it seemed to be appropriate, given that he had only just made acquaintance with the man. It must be because he was so thrilled about meeting another 'Muggle'- _their_ word for perfectly normal people- with the same unfortunate fate of having a magical child. Only that both men didn't seem to see that as unfortunate. Good gracious, the Lestrange guy was even married to a witch! A hippie, definitely a hippie. No one in their right sense of mind could possibly want to marry a witch.

"My lovely wife, Nigella," he introduced her, pointing to an- admittedly- quite elegantly dressed witch, who didn't even look like a witch at first glance. At least she wasn't wearing any hideous robes.

Right now, she was approaching the mother of that awful boy. "Eileen? Eileen Prince?"

The woman so addressed turned to stare blankly at Mrs Lestrange, eyeing her up and down with mild disinterest. "It's Snape now," she said matter-of-factly.

"I'm Nigella. Nigella Lestrange, nee Marigold. Don't you remember? We were in the Gobstone club at Hogwarts."

Eileen Snape couldn't have cared less; she merely cocked a brow at the other witch and resumed her usual, sullen expression. That, however, didn't seem to discourage Mrs Lestrange, who kept on smiling.

"I know, we've never been close friends- but it's good to see you again, and especially on a day like this. Who would have thought we'd meet again while seeing off our kids to Hogwarts? Is that sweet boy yours?"

"Severus."

Whether it was meant as an introduction or merely to state a fact, Nigella didn't know because to her it almost sounded like a reproach. The boy looked up, giving her a fleeting glance. His eyes were as black as a deep, dark pool at midnight. Beautiful eyes- though a little too sad... too _old _for such a young one. Then he turned away again, searching the platform, frustration clearly visible on his pallid face when he couldn't find what he was looking for.

The scarlet steam engine let out a whistle, emitting clouds of smoke that hovered over platform nine and three-quarters. Severus grabbed his trunk and heaved it towards the train, ready to board it without saying a proper goodbye to his mother. Knowing her, she didn't care anyway. Like she never cared much about anything he was doing. That was alright with him. He couldn't wait to be away, to change from his dreadful Muggle clothes into his school robes, and then find Lily- she hadn't even given him a glance nor talked to him, ever since they had arrived at King's Cross, and he truly didn't know what was wrong between them now. She should be ecstatic! They'd soon be off to Hogwarts- finally!

*

Nigella Lestrange watched him leave with a thoughtful expression on her face, and she didn't bother to make another futile attempt to converse with the boy's mother. It was true, they hadn't been friends at Hogwarts- a pure-blood Slytherin did not befriend a Hufflepuff. They'd been acquaintances in the Gobstone club, that was all…

"You all right, my love?" Her husband asked gently, knowing that something was troubling her.

"Poor boy," she sighed, although Nigella couldn't even fathom what was wrong.

"Mum, I **really** don't want to go to Hogwarts," Raven nagged, clinging on to her mother. "Why can't I go to the same school Emma is going?"

"Oh, darling," Nigella heaved another sigh. It was hard to remain determined when her heart was aching for her little witch; it hurt to see her off and she would miss her. "Emma is a Muggle and you are a witch, and as a witch you have powers that need to be honed. You cannot learn that in a Muggle school."

"But I don't want to go to Hogwarts." Raven was really stubborn.

"There is no better place in the whole wizarding world for learning to master your skills than at Hogwarts, and now I don't want to hear any more buts. You will like it there. And you will find friends who are just like you."

Raven seemed to doubt that. She hung her head- apparently there was no way to avoid deportation. Tears were rolling down her cheeks as she bid her parents farewell and boarded the train, heading to exile.

***

Severus hurried from compartment to compartment, looking for Lily. Knowing she was upset- for whatever reason. Girls were so hard to figure out, and there were days when it was nigh impossible to please her at all. Mostly it had something to do with her Muggle sister, that stupid cow. When Petunia was mad at Lily, there was no living with either of the two girls, and usually they blamed that on him. But this time, he wasn't aware of any shortcoming on his part.

He had his hopes up high that all these vexed misunderstandings would cease once they were at Hogwarts. Then it would be only Lily and he- and no annoying Muggle was to interfere in their friendship anymore.

Finally he found her, staring out of the window. Severus opened the compartment door and slipped in, taking the seat opposite of her. Lily scarcely glanced at him. Apparently the landscape outside was far more interesting than her best friend.

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Why not?"

She had been crying and he hated to see her beautiful emerald eyes so full of tears. He would give the world for a smile. And why was she so miserable? Petunia, again.

It really wasn't his fault that they had found that letter. Actually, it had been Lily's idea. Apparently, Petunia had received a letter from Dumbledore, the Headmaster of Hogwarts, and they had read his kind reply, explaining to Petunia why she could not attend Hogwarts with her sister- why she had had written to him in the first place was completely unfathomable to Severus, given that Petunia hated not only his guts but everyone's who wasn't perfectly normal. All wizards and witches, who she preferred to call 'freaks' or 'weirdoes'. He wondered who the true freak was. The girl was nuts. Unfortunately, she was also the reason why Lily was mad at him now, and that he didn't quite get. After all, she was only a Muggle and they were off to Hogwarts, to a better future.

The mention of Hogwarts brought a half-smile to Lily's pretty face, and she surreptitiously wiped her eyes. Severus brightened up. Things were improving.

Not for very long though. Somehow it seemed that things were never all sunshine for Severus, the next cloud appeared all too soon. He had just expressed his wish to see Lily being Sorted into Slytherin- after all, that was the House where he would be, he was almost certain of that- when one of the boys sharing the compartment interjected.

"Slytherin?" He was of their age, a boy with dark, messy hair, wearing glasses. "Who wants to be in Slytherin?"

There was instant dislike in his voice, but Severus couldn't have cared less. He was talking to Lily. No one had asked for the opinion of that git.

"I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?" The git didn't give up; he was now addressing the boy lounging casually in the seat next to him- as if he didn't know when to shut his gob. But since he seemed like a well-pampered little prince to Severus, he had probably never been told off.

"My whole family has been in Slytherin," said the other boy- also dark-haired and quite handsome, though of the haughty kind. Nevertheless, his statement made Severus' lips curl up slightly.

"Blimey, and I thought you seemed all right."

_What was wrong with being in Slytherin?_

"Maybe I'll break the tradition," Pretty boy replied with a mischievous smirk and- as if trying to chum up with the messy-haired- asked, "Where are you heading, if you've got the choice?"

"_Gryffindor where dwell the brave at heart_." He appeared to be a sucker for dramatic poses since he was raising an imaginary sword. "Like my dad-"

That moment the compartment door opened and a plump little witch peeked in, but hesitated to enter.

"Come in or clear out- we don't want you to get stuck in the door!" Pretty boy called, which both of the two brats thought incredibly funny, since they were roaring with laughter. The girl looked as if she was about to start crying.

_Merlin, hasn't she learned to defend herself?_ Severus made a small, disapproving noise, and the future pride of Gryffindor turned to him.

"Got a problem with that?" He wasn't referring to them making fun of the girl; it was back to houses.

"No," Severus said with a slight sneer, "if you'd rather be brawny than brainy-"

"Where're you hoping to go, seeing that you're neither?" Pretty boy asked, and again the two berks roared with laughter. Even more so when they glanced at the girl still standing at the door.

"Wicked! She really got stuck!"

The girl backed away, proving the two boys wrong although that didn't stop them from laughing until she slammed shut the compartment door.

Lily sat up. She didn't approve to such an obnoxious behaviour; she was a kind girl with a heart for underdogs. After all, she was kind to Severus when no one else was, and she was the best thing in his life. He had already forgotten that only a short while ago she had not wanted to talk to him.

"Come on, Severus, let's find another compartment."

Of course he got up and followed her. If Lily wanted to leave, he saw no point in staying.

"Ooooo…" They imitated her lofty voice, and one of the boys tried to trip Severus as he headed for the door. "See ya, _Snivellus_!"

He wished he could draw his wand and let them have it; he already knew quite a few curses. But Lily wouldn't approve, and he didn't want to fall from grace only because of those two idiots. So he let them guffaw.

In the corridor, Lily had placed a consoling hand on the chubby girl's shoulder. "You all right?" She asked softly.

The girl nodded, wearing a sullen expression.

"Why don't you come with us?" Lily offered, and Severus rolled his eyes. The last thing he needed was having to make the acquaintance with a pathetic little girl who couldn't stand her own ground. But it was typically Lily to take her under her wings- she really was much too kind for her own good. "I'm Lily Evans, and that is my friend Severus Snape."

A sudden surge of pride washed through him and he smiled a little upon hearing her calling him her friend. Well, of course he was, but she had never publicly announced it like that. Her parents tolerated him because he was the only other wizarding kid in town, an unavoidable sidekick, and Petunia… oh no, not now… He didn't care what a Muggle thought of him as long as he was Lily's friend in the magical world.

"Raven Lestrange."

She looked more like a crow with clipped feathers, but at least he wasn't the only one with poorly cut hair- which was strange, because the rest of her looked well-cared for. A pampered little girl, except for that disaster on her head.

Lily was in the mood for chit-chat, eager to get to know other wizarding kids, while Raven remained rather tight-lipped. Her answers were short, often monosyllabic, and most of the time she merely stared out of the window. Severus wished Lily would just talk to him instead of telling someone who wasn't even remotely interested the story of her life.

"...and although he- Severus, that is- told me all about being a witch, it was still such a surprise when I got my letter. A really nice Professor from Hogwarts, McGonagall is her name- came to explain it to my parents. Have you met her yet, Raven? You know, nobody in my family can do magic, but my parents were quite thrilled and happy for me... my sister Petunia however... " Lily fell silent for a moment, nibbling at her bottom lip. "Anyway, we went to Diagon Alley early this summer to get all my books, I wanted to be well prepared and Severus knows so much more already, given that his mother is a witch. Do you have magical parents, Raven?"

"Me mum," the girl mumbled without looking at Lily.

"And your dad?"

"Muggle."

"That cannot be," Severus interjected. "I thought your name's Lestrange."

"Aye."

"The Lestranges are a well-established pure-blood family, they..." _do not mingle with Muggles. _He bit his tongue just in time. Yes, he had told Lily it didn't matter she was Muggle-born, and it didn't matter to him, but truth was that it did matter indeed. His mother had told him. Some of the very old wizarding families were proud of the purity of their blood, and they regarded themselves as superior to Muggles. It might be better for Lily to not tell everyone her blood status, especially not anyone she's only just met.

"I'm not related to them," Raven said, glancing straight at Severus. "Me dad's a Muggle stage magician; he took on that name because it sounded cooler than Miller."

Before he could reply anything, there was some clattering in the corridor outside their compartment and a smiling witch slid back door, asking if they'd want anything off the trolley.

"Are that magical candy and sweets?" Lily leapt to her feet and approached the trolley in curiosity, her eyes wide as she saw Licorice Wands, Cockroach Clusters, Acid Pops, Ice Mice, Bertie Bott's Every-Flavour Beans, Pumpkin Pasties, Peppermint Toads, Chocolate Frogs and other just as exotic things.

Severus wished he'd have the money to buy her everything she wanted.

"What's good, Severus?" Lily asked him although she had already gathered a couple of sweets that looked promising- or at least reminded her of something she was familiar to.

"Erm..." Now he was faced with a dilemma because he truly didn't know- sweets were a luxury he wasn't used to eating at home, let alone wizarding candy. But then he remembered that his mother had given him a Chocolate Frog once, for his birthday some years ago; he still had the card that came along with it, showing Salazar Slytherin. "I guess Chocolate Frogs are quite good- and they have cards inside of them, you know, of Famous Wizards and Witches, that you can collect and swap with others."

"Great!" Lily beamed at him and bought a box of Chocolate Frogs among all the other things she had chosen. Friendly as she was, she also offered Raven some of her sweets. The girl declined most of them and merely accepted a Chocolate Frog- she seemed to have some experience with them, since she unceremoniously crushed the frog with her flat hand before it could hop away, like Lily's did. Then she stuffed the chocolate in her mouth.

"What?" She snapped as she caught Severus staring at her. "I hate it when food runs off."

"Obviously," he sneered.

Lily- who would have chided him for being rude had she followed their little exchange (although it was plain to see that Lestrange appeared to be quite successful in making her food stay with her)- got off the seat she had climbed on in order to chase her Chocolate Frog, triumphantly waving a card in her hand.

"Tell me which one you got, tell me which one you got," she chanted excitedly, and Severus' insides went all mushy because she looked so carefree and happy.

Carefully he unwrapped the Chocolate Frog she had given to him- she loved to share- and picked up the card. It showed Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, a white-haired man with a long white beard, wearing half-moon spectacles.

"...considered by many the greatest wizard of modern times... famous for his defeat of the dark wizard Grindelwald... for the discovery of the twelve uses of dragon's blood... enjoys chamber music and knitting patterns," he read aloud.

Lily gave her card a closer glance and frowned, clearly not pleased at all.

"Gregory the Smarmy, inventor of Gregory's Unctuous Unction, a potion that persuades the drinker that the giver is their very best friend. Hm, that's not very nice," she pouted, "I don't like my card."

"Well, you can have mine," Severus offered- it wasn't as though he was going to start a collection of Chocolate Frog cards anyway- but Lily hardly listened. She was looking at Raven

"Which one do you have?"

"Circe."

"Ah, the famous Greek sorceress, daughter of Helios, the god of the sun," Severus explained and couldn't help thinking how very unfitting that analogy was. If he envisioned the daughter of a sun-god she'd be looking like Lily- descending from heaven bathed in bright light, with shining emerald green eyes and flaming red hair.

"Yeah, but she was also renowned for her knowledge of drugs and herbs," Raven interrupted his thoughts, "and she transformed those who offended her into animals through the use of magical potions."

Severus stared at her in momentary surprise as a wee little smile flitted across her face and died as soon as it had appeared. Was that supposed to be a warning? But no- he recalled her standing like a doe caught in the headlight when those two berks from the other compartment had made fun of her; she had been all puffy-eyed from crying and incapable of standing her own ground..

Meanwhile, Lily had proceeded to Bertie Bott's Every-Flavour Beans and was spitting one out only an instant later, her pretty face contorted with disgust. "Oh my god, they taste of _vomit_! You should have warned me, Severus."

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, but before he could do anything about her discomfort, two wizards with gleaming prefects badges attached to their robes came rattling the compartment door in order to inform everyone that the train would be reaching Hogsmead Station soon, and that it was time to change into their proper school robes. Since Severus had already done that, he remained seated.

Reluctantly, Raven got to her feet and reached for her trunk. So did Lily, albeit with a good deal less unwillingness. Unlike Raven, she was excited about attending Hogwarts and learning to become a proper witch, and she clearly misinterpreted the other girl's hesitance.

"Severus!" She exclaimed impatiently, making a shooing gesture towards her friend- who got the hint and left the compartment. He heard her groan, "Boys!" and then she was bending Raven's ear with cheerful drivel.

_Thanks to my lovely beta, hypnotic. ink for being a comma Nazi and a source of inspiration._

_Anyway, since we're both not native speakers, I 'd be very much obliged for the help of a brit-picker to join us._


	2. Crows Blues

2 Crows Blues

An impersonal voice echoed through the train. "We will be reaching Hogwarts in five minutes. Please leave your luggage on the train; it will be taken to the school separately."

It was already dark outside when the Hogwarts Express pulled into the station. The corridor was crammed with students now, pushing their way towards the doors.

Raven was in no hurry. She remained seated- partly out of fear she would get all tangled up in those stupid wide robes and fall flat on her face, but also because she really wasn't keen on all the fuss everyone was making about Hogwarts. It would probably be still there if she did not hurry to get off the train and be crushed in the bulk of over-excited students that crowded the platform.

For a moment she wondered what would happen if she refused to get off the train, if she just remained seated. Would it take her back to London, to her parents? But those thoughts were futile...

"Raven, are you coming?" Lily Evans cried, smiling invitingly. She was much too excited for Raven's liking, but well, she was nice. Perhaps Hogwarts wouldn't be that bad after all?

It was cold on the dark platform, much chillier than in London, and the cool night air smelled already of autumn- of rich soil, harvested fields, bales of straw, leaves changing colour, the smoke of chimneys...

"Firs'-years! Firs'-years over here! C'mon, follow me! Firs'-years follow me!"

A lantern bobbed up, shining over the crowd of too many unfamiliar faces and illuminating the very hairy one of a definitely big man. All the young wizards and witches gathered around him.

"I'm Hagrid, Keeper of Keys at Hogwarts," he informed them before he continued shouting. "Any more firs-years? C'mon, c'mon! Don't dawdle- you'll get yer firs' sight of Hogwarts in a sec!"

They followed Hagrid down a path, slipping and stumbling. The path was steep and it was narrow, probably lined by a thicket of trees and bushes because one could hear _something_ scurrying in the undergrowth. It didn't improve the situation that it was dark on either side, so you could only guess what was rustling in the leaves. Raven wondered what was so wonderful about the wizarding world if they couldn't even light their roads properly. What was wrong with street-lamps? Or if that was too Muggle, why was there no spell to illuminate their surroundings?

For quite a while nobody spoke- then, all of a sudden, someone shrieked. The high-pitched voice of a young girl rang through the darkness next to her.

Raven saw her make a startled leap and, in order to keep balance, the girl reached for her arm- with the result that they both stumbled and landed on their butts. Skidding downhill until they crashed into the heels of a few other children, which also fell over in a tangled heap of fidgeting limps.

Two boys roared with laughter. Even if Raven could not see their faces she would probably never forget their stupid laughter.

"Cannonball Crow," someone snickered.

Hagrid turned around with his lantern in his hand. It shone directly onto the faces of the two rascals.

"Ah, wha' 'ave we got 'ere? Seems a bunch o' li'le troublemakers arrived at Hogwarts, eh? Do yeh think that funny?"

"It wasn't our fault, sir," the pretty boy said, mischief sparkling in his bright grey eyes though he was feigning innocence.

"Right," the one with the glasses agreed. "We heard a girl shriek and saw her jump- and I'm sorry, sir, but what followed then was indeed funny."

Hagrid seemed to be pleased with such a blatant lie. His dark eyes glittered and the corners of his mouth twitched. "I'll keep an eye on yeh, boys." Then he glanced at Raven and the other kids. "You alright? Now c'mon, ev'rybody. Yeh won't want to miss yer first impression o' Hogwarts."

Raven already had got her first impression of Hogwarts. Her robes were dirty, damp and torn- thanks to those two berks. And everybody who had not fallen in the mud seemed to be thinking it was indeed a funny little episode. Only she couldn't laugh. Tears were burning in her eyes and she wished herself far away from this horrible place.

They walked on without further incidents. Soon the path made a bend and opened to a big black lake ahead of them. On the distant shore the first-years could see a castle, perched atop a high mountain; its windows were illuminated with warm lights.

Raven was just hoping that they wouldn't have to swim over there when Hagrid pointed to a small fleet of little boats, telling them that four were to share one. She hurried to make it to the same boat Lily and Severus were already sitting in, since the last thing she needed now was another encounter with the two obnoxious boys- she really feared she wouldn't survive their wicked sense of humour when they were in the middle of the lake.

"Isn't it amazing?" Lily gushed, her eyes transfixed on the castle ahead.

"Hmpf," Raven mumbled. It was dark and she was cold, she couldn't have cared less. Also, they were sitting in a tiny nutshell of a boat that was gliding across a deep dark lake in which depth many unknown dangers might lie- like a giant squid- and then she remembered the stories her mother had told her about the Giant Squid. To be honest, there had never been a story about the Squid living on a diet of fat little girls, but anyway, the very thought that something _monstrous_ was living underneath the shimmering surface of the lake was quite scary.

She heard Lily and Severus muttering quietly but didn't pay attention to what they were talking, about and she paid no attention to the fourth passenger in their boat either. Only when the castle was towering over them in a truly impressive way- with high towers that seemed to tickle the sky, all its many turrets and arcades, and windows filled with warm light- she looked up.

"This is it!" Severus exclaimed. "Hogwarts!"

She stole a fleeting glance at him. There was so much anticipation in his eyes, so much awe and wonder... and hope upon attending Hogwarts. While she just felt miserable. Her previous thoughts that it might not be too bad had long bowed to a more realistic notion- actually the very same she had become accustomed to ever since she'd received that bloody letter, and why everyone seemed to be so damned excited about Hogwarts was beyond her. To her it felt like having been ripped out of her familiar life and deported to a place of misery.

After disembarking the boats, the group of first-years was walking upstairs for a good while until they reached a door. Hagrid knocked and the door was opened by a witch dressed in emerald green robes, wearing a pointed hat. Almost instantly, she gave Raven a stern look of disapproval.

It came as no surprise, really, given that she was standing there cold and wet and caked in mud from head to toe. Looking pathetic. And for the first time since her stupid, hysterical fit of defiance she wished she hadn't cut off her hair. It would have given her a nice curtain to hide her ashamed face.

The stern-looking witch introduced herself as Professor McGonagall- the very same professor that Lily Evans had described as nice- before she made a speech about the importance of the Sorting and what it would mean to them. They were supposed to regard the Houses they were Sorted into as their new family. They were to eat with them, sleep with them, and go to classes with the members of their newly found families- but most important, to earn them house points by impeccable behaviour, sticking to the rules, or academic success.

Raven listened to her, trying to sulk only a little. She didn't like any of that. She already had a family and was quite happy with them, thank you very much.

Alas, no one asked for her opinion. Professor McGonagall announced that the Sorting Ceremony would take place in front of the rest of the school, and opened the doors to a great hall already crowded with students. They were sitting at four long tables, laughing and chatting. Thousands of candles floating in midair illuminated the hall, and above them the ceiling looked like a perfect imitation of the nightly sky, with hovering clouds across brightly shimmering stars and a waning moon. The fluorescent shapes of ghosts skittered to and fro, lingering for a moment to talk to a student- or scare them- before they dissolved into thin air only to reappear at a different place again.

_This is madness,_ Raven thought, and yet she had no other choice but to line in with all the other first-years that were about to be Sorted.

Of course, she knew all about the Sorting ceremony; her mother had told her. But she had made it sound like an enigma, something mysterious, exciting and wonderful. Therefore Raven hadn't expected that you got an old, ragged hat put over your head that then would decide upon your future. It was a tad disillusioning, actually.

The students were now called on, one by one, to sit down on a stool arranged for the Sorting, and whenever someone got Sorted into whatever house, the students of that table started cheering as if it was mainly _their_ doing...

"Potter, James."

One of the obnoxious boys from the train- the one wearing glasses- sat down on the stool arranged for the Sorting, and put on the hat. It had scarcely touched his messy hair when it already shouted "GRYFFINDOR!"

Just like his father, then. He got what he wanted. Next came the girl who had shrieked on the path to Hogwarts; Raven didn't catch her name but she was Sorted into Hufflepuff.

"Black, Sirius."

The other troublemaker walked up, sat down, and this time the Sorting Hat seemed to have a lot to consider before it finally cried out loud, "Gryffindor!"

Black hurried to meet his chum Potter at the Gryffindor table, smirking broadly as though he wanted to say _'didn't I tell you I might break the tradition?' _He looked very pleased with himself.

"Evans, Lily."

And again it didn't take long for the Sorting Hat to make its choice.

"Gryffindor!"

A sad little smile flickered over her as she briefly glanced at Severus, who groaned quietly, then she made her way to the Gryffindor table where she was welcomed with loud cheers.

"Snape, Severus."

Just as readily as the hat had cried Gryffindor for Lily, it didn't hesitate now when it came to Severus. "Slytherin!"

He walked to his table and sat next to a blonde-haired boy wearing a prefect badge...

"Lestrange, Raven."

She watched the blonde boy patting Severus' back.

"LESTRANGE, Raven!" McGonagall sounded a tad impatient and groaned inwardly when Raven stared at her, apparently at a loss. Some of the kids in the Great Hall chuckled. McGonagall's lips became a very thin line as her chin pointed brusquely towards the stool, beckoning Raven forwards.

She almost stumbled over her robes as she hurried to sit down. More laughters erupted.

"Silence!" Professor McGonagall cried.

Raven had probably never felt more uncomfortably self-conscious than at this moment. The whole students body was staring at her, a pathetic little girl with a ridiculous haircut, torn robes, caked in mud. But then everything faded in comparison to the utterly weird feeling when the Sorting Hat was placed upon her head. She had never experienced anything like that before. It was... she couldn't quite put in words what really happened but it occurred to her as if that... that _thing_ was trying to read her mind- and she didn't like that at all.

_'I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. Tell them I'm a Squib and then leave me alone.'_

_'All right,' _the Hat spoke, although the words were only in her head and not to be heard. It let out a cough, "Huff-"

_'Please not Gryffindor. Please not Gryffindor...'_

_'You really believe you have a say in that?' _the Hat questioned her mentally, sounding almost mirthful. Then it shouted- to everybody's surprise- "SLYTHERIN!"

The cheers she received from her new 'family' were significantly less jubilant than all the ones before, and some of the Gryffindors even giggled. Hanging her head, Raven shuffled to the Slytherin table. She just knew that her time at Hogwarts would be bloody awful.

A pretty but haughty blonde girl wrinkled her cute little nose when Raven took a seat at the end of the table.

"I cannot believe she is a Lestrange," she whispered to another, just as arrogantly looking girl. "My sister Bellatrix is engaged to one of them, Rodolphus Lestrange, and I always thought they were a decent family- but apparently they have hidden their scum quite well until now..."

"Aw, come on Cissy, you can talk! What about the dirt on your own doorstep? At least that little savage got Sorted into Slytherin, whereas your dear cousin opted for allying with the... _foe_."

They both glanced over to the Gryffindor table with disgust, not looking quite so pretty anymore; repugnance had an ugly face.

"He was always kind of weird, abnormal if you ask me- can you believe he once sneaked away to play with Muggles? Disgusting! I mean, you wouldn't play with house-elves either- except for hit-the-elf, of course- but you know, my father always calls Muggle cities the slums of the wizarding world, as no decent wizard should live in the neighbourhood of that dirty Muggle trash, and he cannot understand why Uncle Orion and Aunt Walburga never considered moving to the countryside..."

Raven half listened to the girls ranting on about Mudbloods and blood traitors that shouldn't be allowed to Hogwarts, and thought it wiser to hold her tongue. She had heard the term 'blood traitor' before but only now she got an inkling of its meaning- it told her to better not reveal her heritage.

Meanwhile the Sorting had come to an end and the last student was Sorted into Ravenclaw. Then everyone fell silent in anticipation as the Headmaster of Hogwarts rose from his golden chair in the centre of the High Table. Well, _almost_ everyone, since the two girls at Raven's table were still gossiping.

"Mad old codger," the girl called Cissy whispered with disdain in her voice, "father always says it's a shame the Board allows him-"

"Shhh," a third girl hissed, chiding the two younger ones. "Narcissa, Elladora, shut up."

She bore a vague resemblance to Narcissa- their eyes were alike, but the rest of them was like night and day; one of them dark-haired, the other one fair- and indeed they seemed to be sisters.

"Really, Cissy, your sister's just insufferable since they made her Head Girl," Elladora muttered under her breath, which earned her a cool glance from the Head Girl in question.

She had the same good looks that were characteristic for the Blacks, but unlike Narcissa or their cousin Sirius, she seemed to lack the haughty attitude. Instead, she wore a kind and friendly expression on her face as she addressed Raven, introducing herself as Andromeda Black, Head Girl. Then she gestured her to listen to what Headmaster Albus Dumbledore had to say.

The Headmaster looked as impressive as he had appeared on Severus' Chocolate Frog card- actually, he was the exact stereotype of what a Muggle would expect a wizard to look like, with his long silver beard, his long silvery-grey hair and the pointed hat he was wearing. His speech, however, was not that impressive for it was rather short.

"Welcome, and welcome back," he said. "Tuck in!"

At once the table in front of Raven filled with plate after plate of food. It smelled deliciously but she felt too miserable to eat much, still dressed in wet and mud-caked robes. So she only ate a little, shyly picking a chicken leg, while she wondered why the Head Girl, Andromeda, had been so insistent in making them all listen to what Headmaster Dumbledore had to say. To her it seemed that Narcissa might be right in calling him an old codger because that was what he appeared to her. It was an impression that seemed to increase with the next little speech he held at the end of the feast.

He mentioned a few school rules- that the Forbidden Forest was forbidden for a reason, and that no magic was allowed in the corridors between classes- then his sparkling blue eyes swept over the sea of students and he said, "Knitting patterns. I see many strands of wool in different colours only waiting to get knitted together in a charming, colourful pattern. Now let us all sing the school song. Ah, music is a magic beyond all we do here!"

_He's mad,_ Raven thought, _a nutter- _and that was precisely what her fellow Slytherins were thinking, albeit for a different reason. On the quiet they whispered that he was a disgrace to the wizarding race, a filthy Mudblood lover, mingling with blood traitor scum, and that the Board of Governors had better replace him sooner than later. And then some of the Slytherins whispered even more conspiratorially that _HE_ would see to that, which left Raven pondering who _HE_ might be... but after all the things that happened today, she didn't pay much heed, still feeling kind of miserable. It was her first night away from home, from her parents, and it had been as awful as she had expected it to be. She was absolutely convinced she didn't quite belong to the wizarding world, especially not if so many rude, insensitive berks inhabited it.

It was a feeling that didn't improve for the rest of the evening. The Slytherin quarters were in the bowels of the castle, deep down in the dungeons, where it was cold and damp and dark. So very unlike anything she knew from her bright and friendly home with the walls painted in yellow, her mother buzzing around, humming and singing, decorating the rooms with love and flowers-

If she hadn't been so overtired and fed up with everything in general, she would have noticed the gloomy beauty of the Slytherin common room. Its low ceiling gave it a cave-like atmosphere, lit by many candles in exquisite silver candelabras and chandeliers, their arms formed like slithering serpents. And in the morning, when Raven got up after a miserable night of crying herself to sleep, the place was illuminated by a greenish glow for it was situated under the lake; its windows filtering the sunshine in the water. If you looked closely enough, you could see some merpeople or grindylows swimming by, or even catch a glimpse of the Giant Squid- although you rarely got to see him in all his immense majesty, you had to suffice with a tentacle passing by.

But Raven didn't even spare a glance at that the next morning. She hadn't slept well. Additionally to missing her parents and feeling miserable in general, the girls in her dormitory hadn't done anything to make her feel any better. They were boisterous, shallow and arrogant brats, proudly focussed on the superiority of their blood. Also, they knew each other long before Hogwarts, which was another reason Raven felt like an outsider.

When her house mates left the common room to have breakfast in the Great Hall, she followed Severus Snape like a lost puppy- it was so confusing to get around a place that constantly changed, where staircases seemed to rearranged themselves at a whim, and she didn't want to get lost- but his scowl told her it wasn't a good idea. Although he was the only one she knew, he didn't seem to be particularly interested in becoming her friend just because of that chance encounter on the train.

Fighting back the tears that threatened to overflow her eyes because she was all alone and without a friend in a place she didn't even want to be, she hardly cheered up when she received owl post from home. Instead she felt betrayed and abandoned. After all, her parents had insisted she'd go to this horrible place. And she couldn't even write back to them and complain because she had to make it to her first class...

Puffing from running up and down the stairs, from the Astronomy Tower to the dungeons and back, she finally opened the door to the Transfiguration classroom- noticing to her surprise that although she was solid twenty minutes too late, there wasn't a teacher in the classroom yet. Breathing a sigh of relief, she hurried to sit on the only free chair in the back of the classroom, rummaging in her bag for the right textbook, when suddenly she heard an indignant huff right behind her. Raven turned her head and looked straight in the face of a very displeased Professor McGonagall, looming above her in all her imposing strictness.

"Ten points from Slytherin for unexcused tardiness," she exclaimed.

It didn't improve Raven's situation that she explained how she got lost- it only made the awful Gryffindor boys snicker (and one suggested she should have rolled), while her house mates groaned disgruntled because her stupidity had cost them house points.

And things didn't get much better. Their next class was Potions with Professor Slughorn, and although she arrived on time, the next blow came as sure as hell. She made an attempt to sit down next to Severus, but he put his bag on the chair and told her to get lost because _that_ seat was reserved for Lily. Again the only free chair was in the back of the classroom.

* * *

_thanks to hypnotic ink and Alabaster Princess._

_Please review!  
_


	3. As Tears go by

3 As tears go by

It was quite a disappointment to Severus that Lily got Sorted into Gryffindor (strangely, it never occurred to him that a Muggleborn would not fit well into Slytherin), but at least they had some classes together, so he would see a lot of her. Also, they could still study in the library later on- he had already heard lots about Hogwarts library, and couldn't wait to see it. He was eager to learn and pretty proud of having already mastered his first Transfiguration spell.

There was nothing comparable to the surge of magic, the tickle of warmth in his fingertips

He smiled at her when she sat next to him. Lily returned the smile, though there was a tiny frown marring it as her eyes followed the retreating figure of the plump girl.

"Wasn't that Raven? What did you say to her, Severus? She doesn't look very happy…"

As if Lestrange's happiness was any of his concern!

"I just kept this chair for you, Lily," he said, a hint of defiance in his voice.

"Well, thank you, Severus. I just wished you wouldn't always be so rude to others. And Raven is in your house; surely it would be nice if you'd make some friends in your own house."

_What's that supposed to mean? _Severus furrowed his brows. Was Lily already becoming chummy with her house mates? Wasn't he friend enough? He had seen her walking to Transfiguration, chatting to one of the Gryffindor girls...

That moment, Professor Slughorn entered the classroom. His mother had told him about the man, who had also been her Potions teacher- many years ago- and somehow, Severus had expected him to look… well, different. Less like a jovial, oversized walrus and more like the distinguished Potions master of his imagination. And yet, he couldn't wait for the lesson to start. Potions was a topic that interested him most, simply because it was a subtle art that required precision as well as some intuition.

Alas, Professor Slughorn took his time. First, he called on all the students, asking them questions about their relatives.

"James Potter! Ah, you look just like your father, m'boy. I know him quite well- fabulous man, really fabulous... the last time we met, we shared a bottle of exquisite elf-made wine."

"I will give my dad your best regards. Perhaps there is another bottle of that wine left in our cellar," Potter offered shamelessly, making it sound almost like bribery. But Professor Slughorn simply accepted the offer just as shamelessly. At least Gryffindor didn't earn any house points for that!

"Sirius Black. Another Black! I had all of you, your parents- I trust they are well? - your aunt and uncle, your lovely cousins- how comes you're not in my house?"

"I felt a sudden rebellious streak," Black replied cocky, which caused Slughorn to laugh so hard his large belly shook and his walrus-moustache twitched with amusement.

Severus didn't think that very funny, but at long last he was glad that the annoying Black boy wasn't in Slytherin. Now, if Slughorn would only begin with the actual lesson! He wanted to learn about Potions and not about the families of his classmates- most of them were stupid idiots anyway, who seemed to enjoy the idle chit-chat.

"Evans, Lily. Are you possibly related to the late Winifred Evans, who worked in the Department of Magical Transportation?"

"No sir, I'm sorry. My father is a bank clerk and my mother a housewife."

"A bank clerk? Fantastic! You are Muggleborn? And your mother is a housewife? How original. Tell me, how does she manage it all without knowing any household spells?"

"Um, quite well, I guess- just like all other Muggles," Lily said, a little tongue-in-cheek. "Of course, I don't know the difference, but we've got vacuum-cleaners, refrigerators and washing-machines, and all of that is run by electricity."

While Severus wished she wouldn't speak so openly about her Muggle heritage- one of the boys from his house, Mulciber, sneered disdainfully- Professor Slughorn exclaimed excitedly. "Now isn't that amazing? These Muggles! They have refrigidators run by electrickery. Isn't she charming? You have to tell me everything about it, my dear girl. And I'm most curious about these telling bones-"

"Do you mean telephones, sir?"

"Yes, yes- but let's not dawdle, we still have a wee bit to learn about Potions today, haven't we?"

If Severus had expected the lesson would finally start, he was mistaken. Slughorn kept on babbling on and on, and none of it had anything to do with Potions. There were still a few pupils on his list, and it soon became obvious that his interest in any of them seemed to wane if they didn't have relatives in high places, or were otherwise famous. Or _would_ be famous one day. Apparently he was collecting the celebrities of tomorrow for an exclusive circle of what he called the _Slug Club._

'... nothing special, nothing too pretentious, just a few people meeting for some talk and a nice dinner...'

Severus figured that that was an understatement, given the posh way his professor was dressed. Therefore it came as no surprise to him that his poor self left no lasting impression with Slughorn. The Potions master didn't even get his name right and called him 'Severin' instead. He would probably not receive an invitation for the Slug Club. Severus couldn't have cared less.

"Raven Lestrange. Ah well, everyone's there." Professor Slughorn didn't as much as glance in the girl's direction, which Severus thought strange. At least the name was noble, and the Lestranges were one of the oldest wizarding families. Perhaps he knew already that Raven wasn't related to them? He couldn't imagine any other explanation, but didn't bother to waste another thought on her either, since finally, Slughorn deigned to do what he was paid for. He flicked his wand at the table and some pictures appeared, showing various plants. "Now, can anybody tell me what we've got here?"

Quite a few hands went up, but it was Potter, who shouted- without having been called on- "Monkshood!"

"Very good!" Slughorn cried, clearly missing the chance of reprimanding the boy for shouting out loud, boasting with his minute knowledge. "Five points to Gryffindor. Do you also happen to know any other name for that plant? Yes, Miss Evans?"

"Wolfsbane."

"Wonderful! You are a very clever young witch, Miss Evans. Another five points to Gryffindor."

Although it filled Severus' heart with pride that Lily knew the correct answer, he would have known, too. If only Professor Slughorn wouldn't so assiduously overlook him! After all, it was he who had taught Lily the basics of Potions, who had shown her the herbs and plants his mother kept hidden under a plank in the kitchen. And he had also shown her his mother's old Potion books, secretly stowed away in the old wardrobe, behind her wedding dress. She had been good at Potions, but nowadays she only dared to brew in private, when his father wasted his life away in the pub or- very occasionally- at work in the old mill.

Lily smiled brightly when the lesson was over. She liked Potions, and she liked Professor Slughorn.

"He's a really nice teacher, isn't he?"

"So it seems," Severus lied, and of course, to someone who was so obviously favoured by Slughorn, he _was_ nice. _Perhaps you just have to study hard to gain his approval_, he thought, since it was unmistakably clear that he was neither from an important family nor had connections to the Ministry, to Quidditch champions, or other famous people. Of course, he did not begrudge Lily for having made it into the Potion master's good book. She was a very clever young witch, indeed. At least Slughorn got that.

"Will I see you in the library later?" Lily asked sweetly. "We could do homework together."

"Sure," he drawled, but deep inside he was delighted. Doing homework was a wonderful prospect if he could do it with Lily. And his thoughts drifted to the dreams he'd had about Hogwarts, seeing them studying together as they learned to master their magic and become powerful members of the wizarding word.

"See you then, Severus!" She cried cheerfully, rushing to catch up with a group of Gryffindor girls.

Probably he had been lost in daydreams of a better future, because usually he did not stumble over his own feet. But he stumbled nevertheless...

Spiteful laughter accompanied his ungraceful almost-contact with the floor.

"Yeah... _see ya_, Snivellus!"

By the time he had whipped out his wand, the two obnoxious boys were already too far away for him to fire a Stinging Hex surreptitiously, and he remembered that hexing people in the corridors wasn't an option anyway. It was against the school rules, and therefore it would only result in losing house points for Slytherin. Oh, but it was so tempting...

*

"Ha! That was cool, Potter. Let them ruddy snakes have it!" A small, mousy-haired boy cheered, leaping up and down with excitement.

Potter turned his head in an arrogant gesture, as if he was about to rebuke the boy for bothering him. But then he changed his mind because of the devoted glee he saw on the boy's face.

"You're a Gryffindor, aren't you?"

"Yes! Yes! We're in the same dormitory- don't you remember? Got Sorted yesterday. I'm Peter. Peter Pettigrew."

"'course I do, Peter," Potter laughed jovially, wrapping an arm around Pettigrew's shoulder. Since he had the very intention of having lots of fun at Hogwarts, it couldn't harm to get in with little Peter Pettigrew. After all, they shared the same dormitory. It might be quite useful to make friends with him.

"You coming, James?" Sirius called, sounding a tad impatient.

James caught up with his friend. "Hey, have you met Peter yet? He's in our dorm."

"Hello Peter," Sirius wore a haughty expression as he eyed the little boy up and down, clearly wondering what his buddy was up to now.

Later on at lunch, James filled him in. The two boys grinned mischievously.

*

Severus would have been perfectly happy at Hogwarts- he definitely treasured every moment he spent with Lily in the library, studying, but probably even more the walks they took on the grounds, talking about this and that- if it weren't for those obnoxious house mates of hers.

It had been aversion at first sight, and it was mutual. Potter and his friends, a bunch of bullies that had expanded from Black to Pettigrew, and just recently to Remus Lupin, a pale and slightly shabby-looking boy, were hexing everyone simple because they could. Well, Potter and Black did most of the hexing; the others stood by and thought it funny.

It wasn't funny, though, when all of a sudden you were sporting purulent boils all over your body, or something equally _amusing_. Severus made it to the hospital wing quite a couple of times after having encountered those Gryffindor dorks in the corridors, although he gave as good as he got. He had long given up on his previous intention to stick to the school rules.

"Don't let them _provoke_ you," Lily chided him ever so often, but Severus didn't pay heed to her well-meant advise. Talk was cheap, and _she_ was never the victim of their stupid pranks. She didn't approve of their bullying either, and yet she expected him to not fight back. It was a frustrating situation.

And then, there were days like this, when they were out on the grounds, enjoying the warmth of a late autumn day. The sun was shining from a pale-blue sky, and no Potter was around. Lily was smiling, sunlight sparkling in her hair, making it look like it was all flames. She was so special, so very very beautiful.

His eyes watched her greedily as if he wanted to soak in every bit about her, and the careless expression on her face made his heart leap with joy. In moments like these he could forget about his miserable existence, feeling almost careless himself. And when she suddenly spurted into a swift jog towards the forest, he naturally followed her. Even though he felt uncomfortable and sweaty, running like that for no reason at all.

The forest ahead of them appeared like a dark purple shade from afar, and only when they got closer they could make out the silhouettes of high trees. At the edge of the first row of trees stood a cottage, more like a hut, actually. Blueish-grey smoke rose from its chimney. A dog was barking.

That hut was where the Keeper of Keys and Grounds of Hogwarts was living, Rubeus Hagrid, and it was his dog that was barking, informing him that he got visitors. Soon after, the door was opened and his enormous shape filled the frame.

When Lily spotted him, she waved enthusiastically. She had met Hagrid occasionally and was very fond of him- he always showed her some truly fascinating magical creatures when she came to visit.

Severus, however, begged to differ. Magical beasts and creatures were dangerous and most certainly not to be considered as pets. But he had already proven that his instinct for sensing dangerous situations was remarkably low, on the day of their arrival at Hogwarts, when he had turned a blind eye on that _prank_ those two obnoxious Gryffindor bullies had played on some of the girls...

Severus heaved a sigh; he had long detected that some students were treated differently than others, and that Gryffindor always got off lightly while the shame was blamed on Slytherin. It seemed to be a habit at Hogwarts.

Paying not much attention to what Hagrid told Lily about nifflers, he contemplated the things going on in his House. It _was_ a tough act to get along with them, and there always seemed to be some kind of secret talking going on... usually, it would stop the very moment he entered the common room, as though it wasn't meant for his ears. And yet, it was exactly that attitude that had piqued his interest. Severus wanted to know, even if that meant doing little favours for Lucius Malfoy, the posh pureblood...

"Severus? SEVERUS!" Lily sounded a tad impatient as she interrupted his train of thoughts.

He looked up, staring mesmerized into her emerald eyes.

She huffed; then she took his arm and let him out of hearing distance of Hagrid, whispering conspiratorially, "Hagrid just told me that there are unicorns in the Forbidden Forest."

"Indeed? Well, but that's a well-known fact... haven't you read _Hogwarts: A History_?"

"'cause I have, but- just imagine Severus- _real _unicorns! I'd so very much like to see one."

"They're very shy creatures, Lily. I doubt one of them would step out of the depth of the forest only for you to- oh no. Don't even think about it. We're not allowed to go in there!"

"I know," Lily said, although she pouted at Severus' apparent unwillingness of presenting her with a unicorn.

"We're gonna learn about them in Care of Magical Creatures, if that's what you'd like to choose in third year," he tried to conciliate her, hoping she wouldn't start begging because then his initial reluctance would most definitely waver- and he wasn't keen on risking detention or the loss of house points for making an unauthorized trip to the Forbidden Forest. Besides, it was dangerous. On the other hand, he could quite well imagine how cool it would be to save Lily from whatever dangers were lurking in the Forbidden Forest, and take her to where the unicorns were.

Of course, that was a very premature thought- worthy of Gryffindor thinking. He, however, was a Slytherin, and Slytherins were known for their cunning. So if he ever actually considered playing the hero for Lily, he would be well prepared, aware of all the possible dangers awaiting them, and he'd also know how to fight them. Now, that was a good plan.

*

Lily Evans was a popular girl. She was kind and witty; making friends was very easy to her. The teachers adored her because she was also a bright little witch, and she did well in classes. What her friends didn't understand, though, was why she spent so much time with Severus Snape. 'Creepy,' they said about him, mocking him for his greasy, unwashed hair- and it was true, he really _should_ take better care of his personal hygiene. Nevertheless, Severus was her friend, her best friend.

She just wished he wouldn't be so socially awkward. Lily could simply not take him along when she was meeting with her other friends, the Gryffindor girls, and that bothered her. He was always so rude, calling her friends dunderheads, silly giggling cows or brash brats. It really was no surprise that no one liked him. On the other hand, he _was_ more intelligent than them- perhaps that came along with being antisocial, given that he seemed to prefer books over people. Whenever she saw him, he had his big nose buried in a book. In the morning at breakfast, during lunch, and ever later at dinner, when all classes were long over- Severus was always reading.

Needless to say that that made him a great study partner. Since he was way ahead in most of the classes, Lily truly appreciated his help when she got stuck with her homework. She had to admit that his knowledge was impressive, which made her overlook many of his faults. It had been like this from the very beginning, ever since he had told her she was a witch. Of course, she had wanted to know everything about this strange new world, a parallel society to the one she was used to, and he had been eager to fill her in with everything she wanted to know.

Lily remembered those afternoons by the river fondly, and she still enjoyed spending time with him, and yet she wished he wouldn't be so fixated on her. Sometimes it was even a tad scary, the way he looked at her... So... so _greedily_... and then she understood quite well why her friends thought him creepy.

She wouldn't have it though, if anyone called him that or mocked him about his appearance. It wasn't polite to make fun of someone's nose or hair. Then, her self-righteousness would kick in and she found herself defending him, much to the dismay of her house mates. Especially Potter and his cronies couldn't understand why she- a pretty Gryffindor- was socialising with Slytherin scum like Snivellus. Lily didn't pay heed to them because they were naught but arrogant, bullying toe rags. She despised their attitude and, well, perhaps she even had a thing for underdogs.

Therefore, Lily was probably the only one at Hogwarts who actually pitied Raven Lestrange, and she always chided Severus for being unnecessarily rude to her. It's bad manners telling her to get lost when Raven made an attempt of sitting next to him in the library, and it was even more rude that he had the nerve to pull away the chair from under her bum, making the poor girl tumble to the floor with a loud thud.

"Severus!" Lily reprimanded him- although it was very sweet of him that he was trying to retain a seat for her. He was her knight sans shining armour and clearly lacking chivalry.

She made a point of offering to help Raven up, but her endeavour was only met with a brusque gesture of rejection as the girl stumbled to her feet and fled the library.

*

Unlike Lily Evans, Raven Lestrange was not a popular girl. She would even go as far as to say that she was most likely the most unpopular girl at Hogwarts; a loner with no friends at all. And since it was foreseeable that she wouldn't make friends in the near future either, she retreated into her shell more and more. Hardly speaking to anyone at all until her own voice sounded strange to her.

She was truly miserable, wishing all the students would simply leave her alone. Alas, that didn't happen.

_Why do I have to be a witch_, she often wondered since living as a Muggle- or even a Squib- would have been so much easier. Instead, she was trapped at this horrible castle where everybody seemed to think it great fun to hex her into hospital wing, and the most tenacious in giving her a hard time for no reason at all were those obnoxious Gryffindor boys. They had already been insufferable when it was only the two of them, Potter and Black, but just recently the notorious duo had become an infernal quartet, with Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin joining the illustrious circle of bullies.

Raven never fought back. She just tried to avoid any confrontations. She didn't even complain about these assaults because it wouldn't change a thing anyway. Her parents didn't know, simply because she hardly ever found her way to the owlery. Oh, she'd quite had it with ever-changing staircases leading to nowhere!

And yet, she wasn't a totally hopeless case when it came to magic- the time-honoured walls of Hogwarts had seen worse than her- and her essays proved that. They were well-founded and surprisingly eloquent, given that she was as mute as a maggot when she was called up in class, blushing and gaping, but not uttering a single word although she knew the correct answer. A habit, that almost inevitably resulted in a loss of house points for Slytherin as the teachers considered her unprepared at best, or simply unwilling and defiant at worst.

To be honest, she had developed quite a talent for hiding her light under the bushel, having set her thick head on being a Squib, stubbornly hoping she could leave Hogwarts once it was confirmed. It didn't work, though. Things weren't that simple, and magic wasn't something that could be denied, or fooled. It was running through her veins, no matter how hard she tried to negate it. So instead of learning to control it, and learning to channel it through her wand, that fickle thing called magic found outbreaks, spontaneously, wild and uncontrollably- just like the accidental, unintentional magic of a child. And in the wizarding world that was almost as embarrassing as wetting the bed.

Raven was the magical equivalent of a bed-wetter.

Her main problem was her reluctance of using magic although she _knew_ the theory of magic; she was even far ahead in reading about spells, hexes and curses. Some of them weren't due in class until next year- but what else could she spend her time with rather than reading, when books were her only friends at Hogwarts?

If only she wouldn't feel so _unwilling_ of using her wand... ebony and phoenix feather, ten and a half inches. '_A fickle combination', _Mr Ollivander had said, '_made for an eccentric witch. Swishy.'_

Well, she was anything but eccentric, and this wand was clearly not meant for her. Of course, she knew that the wand chooses the wizard or witch. Nevertheless, she was quite certain that that didn't apply to her. Something must have gone wrong that day, and even the most famous wandmaker in wizarding Britain could err.

In rare moments, Raven still remembered the feeling of _rightness,_ that warm and wonderful prickle in her fingertips, the golden shower of sparks her ebony wand had emitted, the very first time she had touched it. It had been terrific- and very scary.

Walking the corridors, lost again, she saw them just in time to avoid them- those obnoxious Gryffindors- so she surreptitiously slipped into the next room that would open for her. Listening closely, her ear pressed to the closed door, Raven assured herself that her nemeses had truly passed her hiding place without noticing her, before she took a look around.

She was in a bathroom. A rather gloomy, depressing bathroom. The floor was wet; puddles of water on cracked tiles reflected the flickering light of a few candles that seemed to struggle for existence in this damp atmosphere. On one of the walls there were blind mirrors over a row of chipped stone sinks, and the doors to the cubicles were scratched. One of them was even dangling off its hinges.

That bathroom was clearly out of order for more than a decade, and Raven wondered why no one had bothered to repair it. She was already accustomed to the out-of-date sanitary facilities of Hogwarts, but at least the other bathrooms were clean and functional.

"What are you doing here?" A voice behind her back asked in a whiny tone.

"Leave me alone," Raven said, sounding just as whiny. Wasn't there a single place where she could be alone in this horrible castle? Why was everyone always pestering her?

"But this is my toilet!"

That statement was followed by an anguished sob, which made Raven turn her head to see... the pearly translucent form of a ghost. The ghost of a girl, to be precise. She hovered in the air behind Raven, looking just as miserable as her own poor self was feeling. Silvery tears were shimmering in her pale ghost eyes, hidden behind thick spectacles.

"What do you need a toilet for? You're a ghost."

She had not meant to upset the ghost-girl, she was merely stating the obvious. And yet it resulted in a loud wail, followed by tears flooding down the ghost's face.

"Oh yes, yes, remind Myrtle that she'd dead. But what does it matter? WHAT DOES IT MATTER?"

The ghost swished up into the air, only to scoot down again an instant later. Raven heard water splashing in one of the cubicles, and she didn't really want to imagine what Myrtle was doing there.

"Nobody cared for me, even when I was alive," came her muffled voice from the U-bend. "Do you think I don't know what people called me behind my back? Ugly Myrtle! Fat Myrtle! Moaning Myrtle!"

"They call me the Fat Crow, but me name's Raven," Raven whispered, tears burning in her eyes now.

"But this is my toilet!" Myrtle ranted on, sobbing. "I live here. I haunt this place! I was murdered here!"

"Murdered?" Raven asked alarmed.

"Murdered. Killed." All of a sudden the ghost was next to her again, dripping even more water on the floor. "Nobody missed me. It took them hours to find me..."

"Oh dear," Raven gasped, imagining herself as the deadly victim of a prank gone wrong, and nobody would find her because nobody cared for her either.

"You're crying for poor Myrtle? I like you. We could haunt this toilet together, you know, you and I. All you have to do is dying."

"It's not my time yet."

"It wasn't my time either!" Myrtle cried, sobbing again. She was truly easy to offend.

"But," Raven said carefully, "I could come back, visiting you. If you like. And then you could tell me a bit more about you."

"Don't mock me! Everybody is teasing me all the time, taunting me, calling me names. Making fun of my glasses- I didn't ask to have them! Olive Hornby was the worst. 'Are you in here, sulking again, Myrtle?' she said, but I wasn't sulking. I was dead. And then I followed her around, making sure she'd never forget me. I reminded her, yes I did... but she went to the Ministry to stop me stalking her."

"Not fair."

"That's what I thought, when they made me come back here to haunt the toilet. And then they put that sign on the door, 'out of order.' Saying I'm having tantrums and accusing me of flooding the bathroom."

"Poor Myrtle..."

"There, you're doing it again. Don't mock me."

"I don't!" Raven snapped frustrated, then she started crying. "D'you really think I don't know how lonely you must have been? How lonely you are? D'you think I don't know anything about being bullied and taunted?"

It was the beginning of a wonderful friendship. Raven came to the bathroom often when she was feeling down, having a good weep with Myrtle. Although she soon realized that she wasn't quite as prone to tears as Myrtle was, since her ghostly friend was whining and moaning almost constantly.

* * *

_thanks to hypnotic ink and Alabaster Princess_


	4. Mr Merlin's Magic Purple Potion

disclaimer: not mine, no money, and the title is stolen from a 70's ice lolly by Lyons.

thanks to my fabulous betas, hypnotic .ink and Alabaster Princess

* * *

4 Mr Merlin's Magic Purple Potion

Christmas holidays came and went by. Severus stayed at Hogwarts because Christmas with his family was not a pleasurable, joyful event as it was in other families. Sooner or later his father would drink himself into a stupor and start shouting, enraged by something. It could be anything, really. The news on TV, the ranking of his favourite football club, or just a wrong word. It was easy to say a wrong word when father was drunk; sometimes it was merely the fact that he existed that got him upset. _Freak_, he called him- just like Petunia- and that was still the nicest thing. It got worse after that. His parents would have shouting matches, followed by violence. Then they made up again.

Severus could hear that, the grunting noises behind closed doors, and he always had his door locked. It was always wiser to have the door locked when father was drunk. No, he clearly didn't miss going home. He missed Lily, though. It would have been perfect, spending Christmas at Hogwarts with Lily. Alas, she went home because her family did have these joyful, harmonious Christmases. She even said she missed her sister, which was utterly incomprehensible to him.

So he spent most of his Christmas holidays in the library, reading. No Potter or Black was lurking round the corner. Lupin's mother was ill (again), so he had left earlier. It was a good Christmas. Lily had even given him a small gift that he had carefully unwrapped on Christmas morning, to find a pretty new quill. It was the best present he had ever gotten.

Severus didn't need the Muggle dunghill that his home was; he didn't need the whole ruddy Muggle world at all. He was happy at Hogwarts, and Madam Pince- the stern librarian- had even allowed him an extra hour in the library. Although she insisted on strict rules to protect her precious books from students (sometimes she put nasty spells on them to make sure they're returned on time) she knew that Severus shared her love for books. He treated them with the respect they deserved and seemed to treasure them more than people, almost as much as she did. Of course, there were exceptions that proved this rule, and her exception on Christmas was the slightly cantankerous caretaker, Argus Filch.

*

Winter turned to spring, the days were getting longer. The last snow began to thaw as the still pale sun dispelled the frost, and nature came to life again. All of a sudden, blotches of fresh green grass could be seen everywhere, freckled with the pure white of snowdrops. A mild breeze was in the air and the trees were budding just like the feelings of the older students. It seemed as if a serious case of hormonal outburst held Hogwarts in its grip, running rampant throughout the castle until it reached its peak around Valentine's Day. That day, the Great Hall was decorated with pink hearts and cute little cupids; students were caught snogging in every corner of Hogwarts.

The notorious Gryffindor pranksters, however, were not in a romantic mood. For eleven-year-old boys all those pink hearts and cupids held a high ick factor, and besides, it was so much more fun to drop dungbombs next to the snogging couples. The way they stopped slobbering over each other and drove apart, disgust written on their faces because they believed their sweethearts were responsible for that putrid odour- it was simply hilarious. Especially since Peeves the Poltergeist seemed to have composed a hymn for that occasion.

_'Slobbery slobbery slob, they kiss till they drop,_

_lips so sweet, but then they reek,_

_ooh it's so kinky, my sweetheart is stinky,'_ he sang, much to Filch's dismay.

The caretaker had a very hard time chasing the troublemakers that day, and he very nearly suffered a stroke when he noticed his beloved cat, Mrs Norris, dangling in midair on the bow of a little cupid, meowing pitifully. He jumped up and down, trying to get a hold of her, but alas, she was out of reach. Oh, how he wished he could quarter and feather and beat the hell out of the students responsible for that affront! It didn't improve the situation that Peeves was snickering maliciously, teasing him mercilessly. Finally, dear Madam Pince was decent enough to release Mrs Norris from her unfortunate position by using a simple spell and soon after, his poor kitty was back in his arms. Immediately, he set out to punish the evildoers but failed to catch them due to Dumbledore's intervention; the Headmaster was of the opinion that no detentions should be handed out on Valentine's Day. And Mrs Norris was fine, wasn't she?

Filch longed for the good old days when he was allowed to hang naughty students by their wrists or ankles from the ceiling. He still kept the chains well oiled and polished, but unfortunately Headmaster Dumbledore refused to let him use them.

***

Of all the things Raven hated most at Hogwarts (and there were quite a few), flying lessons were on top of her list. Fortunately, there had been none in winter, but as the days were getting warmer, her least favourite class was back on schedule.

Her first attempt at riding a broomstick had ended with a broken arm and an overnight stay at the hospital ward- thanks to Potter. He had taunted her mercilessly that day; she could still hear him chanting, _'Fat crows can't fly, fat crows can't fly!'_

And he had been right, she really couldn't fly. Actually, Raven didn't even _want_ to fly a stupid broomstick.

It was a bright and sunny day when all the first year Slytherins and Gryffindors were assembled on the grounds, listening to Madam Hooch, their flying instructor.

"Today, we will learn the basics of Quidditch," she announced, much to the loud cheers and hoorays of the students. They thought that a splendid idea.

Raven, however, begged to differ. Longingly she glanced to the shore of the lake, sparkling in the sunshine, and wished she could simply sit under one of the trees there, reading a book. But no, she would have to participate in that Quidditch bullshit.

Madam Hooch opened a box and produced a round red leather ball. "This is a Quaffle," she explained. "It is the ball with which the Chasers score goals, and it has to be thrown and caught one-handed. We will now form teams of four and train the catching and throwing of the Quaffle, without losing control over our broomsticks. I insist that you give it a nice and slow approach. I don't want to see any hazardous actions. Is that understood?"

Raven groaned inwardly. As if simply staying on a flying stick of wood wasn't already hazardous enough without having to catch or throw a stupid ball... she really was not fond of wizarding sports and hardly ever watched a Quidditch match, although that was the main attraction at Hogwarts on weekends.

"Now please mount your brooms- and don't forget that some of us aren't as skilled flyers as others are," Madam Hooch's yellow, hawk-like eyes shot a warning glance in Potter's direction before they came to rest at Raven, showing displeasure. In all of her years as a flying instructor at Hogwarts, she had never met a student so totally ungifted.

It took Raven several attempts before the broom assigned to her jumped into her hand. It was probably just as unwilling as she was.

"Do not rise higher than ten feet!" Madam Hooch cried when Potter was once again showing off with his skills, criss-crossing the airspace above the grounds at full speed, spiralling upwards with obvious joy. He was a superb flyer. The flying instructor couldn't help but smile at his antics and thought he would be a great enrichment for next year's Gryffindor Quidditch team. "Mr Potter!" she called out, "would you please be so kind and return _immediately_!"

Potter whooshed back to the grounds and made an elegant landing next to his best mate, Sirius Black.

"Seriously, these school brooms suck! They're lousy compared to my Nimbus 1001- I still don't get why we're not allowed to bring our own brooms..."

"Because, Mr Potter, all first-years are to have the same equipment, and therefore the same chance to shine," Hooch reminded him. "Besides, there's nothing wrong with a solid Silver Arrow- I first learned to fly on one of them."

"That just proves how ancient they are," whispered Potter, elbowing Black. Both boys chuckled quietly, mischief sparkling in their eyes as they cast a surreptitious glance at the box holding more that just the Quaffle they were to train with.

It didn't go as bad as Raven had feared- at least she managed to stay on her broomstick- and she was in a team with Lily Evans, her Gryffindor friend Mary MacDonald, and Severus Snape. Snape was always at Lily's side, even if that earned him glances of disapproval from his fellow house mates who thought it disgraceful for a Slytherin to associate with _Mudbloods_. Now Mulciber and Avery were laughing because he was playing with girls. In their eyes that said a lot about him; there was a reason why there were no girls in the Slytherin Quidditch team.

At first, the very idea of lifting one of her tightly cramped hands from the handle of her broom in order to catch the Quaffle was a real challenge to Raven, who already thought it a challenge to not lose balance while hovering ten feet above the ground with only a stick of wood between her and the abyss.

'D_on't look down, don't look down,' _she kept telling herself, repeating it like a mantra. Then the Quaffle came flying in her direction, thrown softly by Lily Evans. Raven merely had to raise her hand and- _gotcha_! She caught it! A broad smile lit up her features, and for a short moment she really felt great. Happily, she forwarded the Quaffle, throwing it in an almost graceful arch to Severus, who had no problem catching it.

But good moments never lasted forever, and after that she ran out of luck. Not only that the fluency of the game seemed to cease each time she missed the Quaffle and it fell to the ground- which resulted in the others excluding her more and more- all of a sudden her broom started to act strangely. It misbehaved like a shying horse, bucking, and then gaining speed as it shot upwards. Raven screamed as she clutched onto the handle for dear life.

"Miss Lestrange!" Madam Hooch shouted. "Come down immediately!"

Easier said than done, since Raven had absolutely no control over her broomstick- as if it had developed a life of its own. But that wasn't possible. Even in her dazed and terrified state of mind, she knew that. This led to the only logical conclusion that someone must have hexed her broom, but that realisation didn't really solve her dilemma either. Although knowledge in general was a wonderful thing, it wasn't particularly _constructive_ to know what was wrong if you couldn't change it. And Raven was much too busy with clinging onto her jinxed broomstick in order to not fall to her certain death, than to come up with the proper counter spell.

Fortunately, Madam Hooch didn't take long to realize her problem. The flying instructor raised her wand and aimed it at Raven's broom, muttering an incantation. Raven didn't hear it, but she could feel its effects almost immediately. She sensed a whizzing of magical energy in the air around her and suddenly she regained control over her broom. Slowly, it was spiralling towards the ground.

Some kids were laughing at her clinging to her broomstick like a wet wheat bag, and that sort of undid her. Raven made a decision born out of embarrassment, mingled with a defiant outburst of anger- and madness. In hindsight, it was definitely not her wisest decision, but she was determined and she'd so had it with Potter's stupid pranks! Someone had jinxed her broomstick and although she couldn't prove it she just knew it had been Potter.

Since she was considered a lousy flyer anyway, Raven decided to show off with her clumsiness. No one would think it deliberate if she knocked Potter off his broom on her way down. Hopefully, she could also kick that arrogant smile out of his face.

"She attacked me!" Potter cried out as he stumbled to his feet, holding his broomstick in his hands and pointing accusingly at Raven, who hadn't endured their collision just quite as well as he had. She was clutching her arm and given the already familiar pain shooting through it, she knew it was broken again. Nevertheless, she was feeling jubilant- almost jauntily- because she had succeeded; she had knocked Potter off his broom.

"Don't be absurd, Mr Potter," Madam Hooch chided him before she called for someone to fetch Poppy Pomfrey, the school nurse, "We both know that Miss Lestrange is a lousy flyer- and even that is an understatement- therefore we will mark off this unfortunate incident as for what it actually was. An accident."

Out of the corner of her eyes, Raven saw Severus Snape quirk an astonished brow.

"It was however no accident that caused Miss Lestrange's broomstick to go wild," Madam Hooch continued, looking into the faces of her students. Most of them had dismounted their brooms and were standing in a circle around Raven, but only Lily looked slightly sympathetic.

Meanwhile, Madam Pomfrey had arrived and started fussing over Raven. "Oh dear, what happened to you now, you poor thing?"

"Fat crows can't fly, fat crows can't fly," someone in the background chanted.

Madam Hooch glanced sternly at Potter and Black, the two biggest troublemakers Hogwarts had seen in a long time- but they masked their faces with an expression of pure innocence. They were too clever, anyway, to tease another student right in front of a teacher.

No, it was Peter Pettigrew who had chanted. He wasn't very funny himself but liked to repeat everything Potter said, the perfect lickspittle of the greatest bully. Raven had recognized his voice despite the pain she was in.

But a fracture was no problem in the wizarding world. A broken bone could be fixed with a spell quite easily, and the proper potion would take away the pain. Nevertheless, Raven would have to stay in the infirmary overnight- and that was probably the best part of her mishap. Unlike other students, she was glad to not have to return to her dormitory and therefore to the other Slytherin girls of her year. Shallow, arrogant bitches- the whole lot of them.

*

Potter almost yawned when Madam Hooch held a speech about the dangers of hexing a broomstick and what could have happened to Lestrange if she hadn't intervened- as if it wasn't common knowledge that Quidditch was a dangerous game and yet all decent wizarding folks loved it. No risk, no fun. Smirking slightly, he surreptitiously cast a quick glance at Sirius who was momentarily sneaking up to the box that held more balls than just the Quaffles they had played with, since there were also some other balls used in a Quidditch game. Like the Golden Snitch, a tiny, enchanted ball with wings. It was the most important ball of the match, as it decided upon victory or defeat, and it was the Seeker's job to catch it.

James hoped for Sirius to release the Golden Snitch, so that he could rise up in the air and catch it, proving what a superb flyer he was. But Sirius smirked mischievously and undid the straps that held a Bludger. Then he ducked behind the lid of the box, watching a jet black ball rising high in the air, hovering over the box for a moment- before it zoomed off to attack the nearest person. Because that's what Bludgers did. They were designed to attack and to hit the players of the opposite team, causing them to fall off their brooms.

Naturally, a Bludger was the most dangerous ball of all of them, and once released, chaos ensued. Girls were screaming, running for cover, while Madam Hooch was trying to shout the mayhem down, barking orders for everyone to stay cool as she grabbed a Beater's bat in order to prevent further injuries in her class.

Now that was fun! James laughed as he watched the pandemonium, soon being joined by Sirius who had made his way back to his best mate's side. With arms wrapped around the other one's shoulder they watched and laughed, ducking their heads when the Bludger came shooting in their direction. A previously boring lesson had turned exciting.

_*_

"Get down!" Severus yelled at Lily as he saw the Bludger whoosh in her direction, and he knew he had to protect her. He drew his wand and aimed it at the jet black ball. "Impedimenta!"

The Bludger slowed down and fell to the ground. Madam Hooch hurried over to secure it.

"Well done, Mr Snape," she said.

"Oooh... Snivellus the slimy little hero," Potter and Black chuckled, laughing mischievously.

Severus whirled around, wand at the ready, anger flaring up in his dark eyes. Of course, these brawny Gryffindor bullies would find pleasure in this mayhem- perhaps they had even provoked it? Potter's dim-witted little brain might think it funny if others got hurt, as long as he was having a good laugh, and he never thought about the consequences of his actions. What if Lily had been injured by the Bludger?

He shot a Stinging Hex at them. Needless to say, they struck back. Potter cast a Jelly-Legs Jinx while Black tried it with Tarantellagra, but fortunately, Madam Hooch interfered. Otherwise Severus would have been forced to do a mad dance with wobbly legs.

"No hexing in my class! Mr Potter, Mr Black, Mr Snape. That's ten points from each of you. But, Mr Snape, since you managed to stop the Bludger-" Oh dear, the Bludger! She had not secured it properly because her students had started hexing each other, and she'd had to intervene. It was back up in the air, ready to strike again. And it had already found a new target.

Severus could see something jet black and dangerous approaching him. Although he tried to leap aside, he wasn't fast enough and it hit him hard, knocking off his legs from under him- if almost felt as if his knees had turned to mash. Then a sudden surge of pain shot through him; he didn't know where it began or where it ended, and he bit his lips in order to not scream, to not give Potter and Black another reason to laugh, or tease him... and yet he couldn't stop that pathetic little whimper from escaping his lips. Then everything went black.

From a very, very far distance, Severus could hear Lily's voice. He really wanted to open his eyes and look at her, telling her not to worry... but he found even thinking of this little effort much too arduous and besides, the very idea of lifting his eyelids sent another wave of pain through his body...

Madam Pomfrey was furious. Not at him- no, no. She was never angry at him, no matter how often he had made his way to the infirmary these past months. Instead, she was chiding Madam Hooch for not taking her obligatory supervision more seriously and how dare she let two severe accidents happen in one class!

"Poor lad," she mumbled softly to Severus, and for an instant he felt all light as if he was flying... but he wasn't. He was only being levitated from the ground to a stretcher. At any other occasion he would have considered that mightily embarrassing, but right now he was in too much pain to think clearly. And still he had no idea of what had happened to him. He could have tried to focus on the source of his pain to realize that his right knee was shattered, but he wasn't that tough. Although he often pretended to be, in the end he was just a scared and injured twelve year old boy.

Madam Pomfrey fed him a painkiller potion the moment they arrived at the Hospital Wing, and while Severus drifted in and out of unconsciousness- or semi-consciousness- the matron contemplated what to do with him. His kneecap was badly shattered, and although she was certain she could fix that, there was still another option. Perhaps it would be better to simply remove the shattered pieces and regrow the kneecap.

Severus gasped when Madam Pomfrey directed her wand at his knee, because whatever spell she used caused an unpleasant sensation. Then, all of a sudden, the pain stopped. He breathed a sigh of relief before he noticed that his leg didn't feel quite like his leg anymore. There was still his thigh and his lower leg with his foot (he could even wriggle his toes) but they felt strangely _unconnected_...

"Drink that, my dear boy," Madam Pomfrey said softly and yet with a voice that wouldn't allow any protest. She held a bottle to his mouth; it was labelled 'Skele-Gro' and was a vile-tasting potion. "Of course, you'll have to stay the night but you're in good company."

She glanced at the bed next to Severus' where another problem child of hers was sleeping, little Raven Lestrange, and she tutted about dangerous sports and teachers who were inapt in keeping their charges safe.

*

Severus woke in the middle of the night to the light of a full moon falling in through the windows, illuminating the infirmary in sharp, eerie patterns of brightness and shadows, and almost instantly, he let out a choked yelp of pain. If he had been unaware of his surroundings at first, he now remembered everything that had transpired because the pain in his leg reminded him of it.

He also noticed that he wasn't alone. Severus heard the rustling of bedclothes, and then shuffling footsteps were approaching him. He fumbled for his wand. Usually, he kept it under his pillow for the night, but it wasn't there! Then he remembered that he wasn't in his own bed in the Slytherin dungeons but in the Hospital Wing, and finally his searching fingers closed around his wand resting on the bedside table. Grabbing it tightly, he sat up, muttering a soft '_Lumos_' before aiming it at the person invading his privacy. He came face to face with a smiling Raven Lestrange.

"Hello," she said, apparently not the slightest bit perturbed by the wand pointed at her face.

"What do you want?" Severus hissed.

"I... I heard you move and wanted to know- how are you?"

"I'm fine."

She stared down at him, knowing he was lying. "No. You're not. You're hurt, and you're lonely, and you're in pain."

"I'm not," he huffed, wishing she'd just leave him alone.

"Well, I'm not gonna argue with you," she said a tad loftily, but still with that annoying smile on her face. What had he done to deserve this?

"Anyway, I came to offer you an ice lolly."

"A what?"

Lestrange rolled her eyes before repeating, "An ice lolly."

And then she held a wrapped and decidedly frozen something- he could feel the chill radiating from it- under his nose. It smelled vaguely of berries, though it was sort of an artificial aroma. It reminded him of his childhood, of cheap ice cream on a hot summer's day, and he wasn't certain if he really liked that. Meanwhile, Lestrange babbled on.

"… made of fruit juice and something with many 'Es', but the funny thing is that this sort is called Mr_ Merlin's Magical Purple Potion _by its Muggles distributors, and although most Muggles have no clue about the wizarding world, my Mum thought it amusing enough to bring me some when she came to visit, and of course she put a Stasis Charm on them to keep them frozen until you eat them."

"Great," Severus muttered, feeling slightly overtaxed by her antics. He'd never cared much about her- and yet she was being very nice to him. _There _had_ to be a snag in it_, he thought suspiciously, staring at the ice lolly she had placed in his hands. It couldn't harm to try it, could it?

Only a moment later he was licking sweet fruity juice off his lips, still wondering about Raven Lestrange. What was in for her by sharing her sweets with him?

"She also left you a Get Well card and some fruits."

"Who?"

"My Mum. I told you she came to visit when she heard of my accident."

She really was a pampered little girl. So she hurt her arm a little, and at once mummy came rushing to her side. _But why would her mother leave a Get Well card for me?_ Severus pondered. He didn't even know Mrs Lestrange and had only seen her once, at the platform, talking to his mother... it was true, though. There was a card on his bedside table- actually even two- and a bowl with fruits.

"The other's from Lily. She wanted to stay a little longer, but Madam Pomfrey sent her away, saying you needed your rest. Lily said she was quite proud of you for managing to stop that Bludger, but she also thought it very stupid of you to start hexing Potter and Black. Well, I wished I had seen that."

"Did Madam Pomfrey give you a Babbling Brew?" Severus interjected, since he had never heard Lestrange talking that much. And he wasn't really interested in what she had to say- although, it was good to know that Lily had come to see him, and that she had given him a Get Well card.

Raven chuckled. "There isn't anything like a Babbling Brew. You know, you're really funny sometimes, Sev."

"My name's Severus."

"I know."

She sat down on his bed. _That girl had nerves! _At least she was careful to not come too close to his hurting knee, nevertheless he winced. Why wouldn't she leave him alone?

"It'll get better- the pain, I mean. And in the morning your knee will be as good as new."

_Provided she'd just let me sleep..._

"You know, Sev, it could have ended worse. We both know it was not by accident what happened to us, and- as it seems- bullying has a long tradition here at Hogwarts. There has even been murder, my friend Myrtle told me and I guess she must know best..."

"Myrtle? As in Moaning Myrtle?"

Raven nodded.

"You're friends with a pathetic ghost?"

"Well, most of the ghosts are actually much nicer that the living guys."

Why was he feeling slightly guilty now? Severus didn't care about Raven Lestrange at all, and he didn't regret all the times he had shoved her away or pulled the chair from under her arse. She was annoying- and yet it didn't happen often that people were being nice to him for apparently no reason at all. Maybe he should try to be more agreeable towards her? He knew it would please Lily if he made friends with others than just her- but Lestrange of all people? She was the most pathetic and least popular girl at Hogwarts. On the other hand, she also seemed to be quite a warm-hearted person, the way she picked up the bowl of fruits, offering him some strawberries. Severus was very confused, and due to the potions he had been fed with, he wasn't able to think clearly either.

"Anyway," Raven continued, "I heard that Potter and Black got off lightly for their assault on us- two weeks of detention with Filch, doing ridiculous things like polishing the silver in the trophy room without magic. Mum was furious when she heard my version of the story, and she went to talk to the Headmaster, but he just said something about boys being boys and that it was just a harmless prank that got out of control. Apparently Dumbledore dotes upon them because they're Gryffindors, and he was a Gryffindor himself. There's nothing we can do about it. We just have to be careful and hope to not end up like poor Myrtle."

No, Severus thought, he would not just hope to not get killed- he would fight back. He would learn as many spells as he could, or even invent some new ones, but he would not let those Gryffindor bullies rule his life at Hogwarts. After all, it was better that his life at home, and he already dreaded having to go back there for the summer holidays.

"We could try to get them expelled," he suggested, not knowing why he said 'we' as if they were friends.

Her eyes lit up. She had blue eyes- a very warm shade, although blue was not a warm colour, yet it reminded him of the sky on a hot summer day. And there was an unexpected sparkle of mischief in them that surprised him. Was he underestimating her? Was there more to her than just a pampered little girl?

But no, he heard her sigh and it sounded beaten. No more sparks in her eyes.

"The one who caused Myrtle's death didn't get expelled either." She got up and shuffled to her own bed. "Good night, Severus. You need to sleep."

"Good night, Lestrange," Severus mumbled confused.

* * *

_thanks for reading. Please review! Feedback is the writer's ambrosia..._


	5. Funny Funny

5 Funny Funny

Raven was happy. Finally, she had a real, living friend at Hogwarts. Oh, he didn't know of it yet, but she was certain that the night at the infirmary had been the beginning of a wonderful friendship with Severus Snape.

She had no idea why she felt so drawn to him. He was a tad cranky, grumpy and sullen sometimes, and she had clearly not forgotten the times he had shoved her away because he preferred be with Lily Evans- well, that was understandable, given that Lily was pretty and popular. Nevertheless, Raven was quite certain that Severus would come to like her one day, and that his gruffness, his snide remarks were merely defensive means behind which he hid his true self, since deep down in his heart he was just as sad and lonely as she was.

On the other hand, he was really cool but not bragging about it like Potter and Black. He was more subtle in his ways, and he knew a lot; he was a clever boy. She was mesmerized.

Raven would have loved to follow him all over Hogwarts, but she wasn't stupid. Instinctively, she knew that such a brash behaviour would only make him feel trapped, and he'd run away from her. He didn't seem overly fond of too much mindless babbling, either, so she kept her gob shut for most of the time he was tolerating her presence- next to him at the Slytherin table for meals, or even at the library, when he was studying with Lily.

True, it wasn't hard for her to remain silent since she wasn't particularly used to talking to other students anyway. She was still as mute as a maggot in classes, unless it was too impolite to not answer a question addressed to her; however, Raven preferred to avoid these situations as good as she could.

Nevertheless, she noticed a slight change in her attitude that came along with less reluctance of using her wand to perform magic. It was as if a tiny little spark had been ignited, glimmering and glowing surreptitiously under the surface, ready to shine. And when she was around Severus, she wanted to shine; wanted to show her wonderful, enigmatic friend that she wasn't a hopeless case, not one of the dunderheads he so despised.

*

She was an enigma to him, one that Severus couldn't quite figure out. It had been so much easier to judge her when she was just that pampered, pathetic little girl to him. But it wasn't that simple- _she_ was not that simple. There was more to her than meets the eye.

But what did Lestrange want from him? Why had she been so... so amiable towards him that night at the infirmary? He decided to keep a close eye on her.

She wasn't dumb, he'd give her that. Whatever she had in mind, she knew well enough to not pester him with her presence or the usual mindless prattle of girls. She merely smiled at him whenever they met, but remained silent until he would ask her something. Then she replied almost shyly and yet in comprehensible, sensible sentences.

No, Lestrange was really not stupid. She wasn't brilliant either; although she had pass grades in most of her subjects, an 'A' was just agreeable and nothing close to 'Outstanding', or even 'Exceeding Expectations.' He hadn't seen her cast a single spell yet, though casting spells was essential in most classes. So probably her essays saved her from failing miserably, he pondered, and pondering about Lestrange was something he did more often than he liked.

Of course, Lily seemed to appreciate his efforts in being less rude to Lestrange, thinking he'd come to see the error of his ways, and was therefore behaving more _agreeably_- when, in fact, he was simply curious. He preferred to know what was going on around him, because the more he knew, the better he could defend himself. Knowledge was power, and power was something he favoured. It was essential to have the upper hand when dealing with his fellow Slytherins, and to not get under the thumb of the older boys, like Lucius Malfoy- whom he secretly admired for his poised attitude and the way he was so _above_ things...

Severus wanted to be like that, too. He wanted to impress, and most of all, he wanted to impress Lily. So when she was willing to include Lestrange into their little study group he didn't protest- but he would have preferred it to remain only the two of them.

*

The days were still getting longer and warmer as spring turned into summer. When it wasn't raining, the students enjoyed spending their free time outside on the grounds. But with the end of term approaching, you could notice a certain unrest among them. The seventh years were revising hard for their NEWTs, while at the same time feeling slightly melancholic because the end of their school days at Hogwarts was near. They would leave and not return at the end of summer; instead they would start a life as respectable members of the wizarding world, find a job and get married.

The fifth years were revising equally hard for their OWLs though their mood was rather hysteric and many of them had to see Madam Pomfrey for a Calming Draught. It was a mad time of year at Hogwarts.

The first years were nervous, too. None of them had ever sat a wizarding exam before, so they didn't know what to expect, and Lily, in particular, was very anxious. Since she was Muggleborn, she thought she had to do especially well in her finals to prove everyone she was worthy being a witch. She wanted to exceed expectations.

Her favourite subjects were Charms and Potions; she didn't worry about succeeding in those two classes. History of Magic, however, was her least favourite. It was hard to follow the droning voice of a teacher who wasn't even human- Professor Binns was a ghost, and he had probably died from listening to his own voice for far too long. So she didn't pay as much attention as she should in his class, when it was so much more fun to exchange messages with her Gryffindor friends. She could always rely on Raven taking notes.

History of Magic was Raven's best subject- simply because there was no need to perform magic in Professor Binns' class. You didn't even have to actively participate in his class, since he preferred to drone on and on without interruption. But he always graded her essays fairly, and she was quite good at writing essays.

She was a total disaster in Potions, although she actually liked it. Well, in theory. It was another class in which you didn't need to wave your wand but, alas, that didn't mean Raven was ever successful in brewing a decent potion. Instead, she messed it up, and it was always her cauldron that would boil over or explode, or the contents would become a sticky mass- and she had no clue what she was doing wrong. She always followed the instructions- perhaps not quite as carefully as she should have, because sometimes there was that _itching_ in her fingers to give it a different approach than required, and while considering that, all went wrong again.

Professor Slughorn was not a great help. He seemed to ignore her, and at the end of term she scarcely managed to scrape a 'P'- poor- in Potions.

Of course, her parents weren't famous in the wizarding world. Raven had already realized how much he cared about those who might grant him a favour one day, and that she couldn't possibly keep up with them, but that was still no reason for ignoring her as much as he did. A good teacher, she thought, would help her instead of simply letting her down and considering her a lost cause, and his attitude bugged her tremendously because she would have liked to shine in his class, just like Severus did. Although, quite frankly, Professor Slughorn didn't pay him much attention either, despite his obvious brilliance.

And then, finally, came the last day of term.

Raven had survived her first year at Hogwarts and was looking forward to heading homewards, back to her loving family. Nevertheless, she decided to return in September for another year, since pretending to be a Squib was no longer an option. She had come to terms with being a witch- she couldn't change that fact anyway, so it was better to get used to it.

They were riding the train back to London in pretty much the same formation they had arrived at Hogwarts. Once again, Raven was in the same compartment with Lily and Severus, listening to Lily's cheerful prattle. And the red-head had every reason to be chirpy, given that she wasn't only a bright student, but also a very popular little witch. Everybody at Hogwarts liked Lily Evans- well, except for a few Slytherins taking offence in her blood status, but that exception only proved the rule. In fact, Lily was so popular that she couldn't spend all of her time with Raven and Severus. After a while she slipped through the compartment door to have a chat with her other friends- addresses had to be exchanged and promises were made that, of course, they'd write each other during the summer- and she didn't return until much later, when the Hogwarts Express was rolling through the outskirts of London.

Raven didn't miss her. She liked Lily because she was always kind to her, but she clearly didn't mind having Severus all to herself. If only he would have cared. Alas, the moment Lily left the compartment, he picked up a book and buried his large nose in it, clearly not interested in making conversation.

She cast a fleeting glance at him. He was her friend, who didn't even know he was her friend. Raven heaved a sigh. Then she put a bag of Muggle sweets- colourful Gummy Bears- on the table between them and grabbed a book as well, enjoying the companionable silence. But ever so often her eyes would leave the text in front of her to study his face.

Severus Snape was definitely the most interesting boy she had ever met.

*

The Hogwarts Express pulled into King's Cross Station. There was a hustle and bustle of students in the corridors, dragging their trunks. They were leaning out of the windows, waving their arms, eager to see their families again. No one would have admitted that, though. They were Hogwarts students and not babies anymore, and missing your parents was considered quite uncool.

Severus disembarked the train and glanced around the platform. Just as he had expected, his mother was nowhere in sight. Of course not. Apparently she had better things to do than picking up her only son. So he would have to take the Knight Bus back home... unless Lily's parents were going to give him a ride in their car.

He dreaded going back home- there'd be shouting and violence, and he hadn't quite learned how to handle that. But at least he could spend the entire summer with Lily, sitting at their favourite spot by the river, talking, revising all the things they'd learned that past year, dreaming of a better future...

"Will you write to me?" he heard Lestrange's voice coming from behind him.

"Of course I will," Lily answered promptly in his stead before she addressed Severus. "Are you coming? My parents won't wait forever and Tuney is already a tad impatient. You know she doesn't like our world."

He turned to follow her when he felt a small hand tugging at the sleeves of his robes.

"I mean, will _you_ write to me?"

Severus froze in his tracks to scowl at Lestrange. _Why should I?_

"I don't have an owl. My father does not approve to them. He might roast them and pretend it's chicken."

She possessed the nerve to chuckle softly as though he'd made a joke, then she boldly stuffed a slip of paper into the pocket of his robes. "My postal address and my telephone number," she explained, flashing him a bright smile, "I guess your father does not eat postmen?"

What an annoying chit of a girl! Nevertheless, a slight smirk spread over his features, which apparently she took as an invitation to fling her arms around him- and hug him! Now that was really embarrassing! He was standing, clearly visible for everyone to see, at platform nine and three-quarters with a girl wrapped around him. And Lestrange of all people! Oh, he wouldn't hear the end of it should any of his fellow house mates witness that scene. She was the most unpopular girl in Slytherin- no, at Hogwarts.

And yet, strange feeling of warmth flushed through him. He didn't get hugged often- actually, rarely at all- and he wouldn't have minded if it had been Lily hugging him. But no, it had to be Lestrange.

"Oi! Look at that! Slimy Snivelly and the Fat Crow!" Severus heard someone shout, recognizing Potter's voice. For an instant, he wished the ground would open up and swallow him, then he fingered for his wand to defend himself from what was about to come. It wasn't easy with a girl still clinging onto him, who had all stiffened up.

"Two greasy oddballs!" Potter taunted them, but that was soon followed by a yelp escaping his lips.

Severus had finally freed himself of Raven Lestrange and whirled around to be met with the most astonishing sight. A dark-haired witch, dressed in elegant Muggle clothes, had unceremoniously grabbed his nemesis by the ear, twisting it painfully.

"You will not hex my daughter, young man, nor will you hex her friend. Do I make myself clear?"

Merlin, it was so good to see Potter winding and writhing under her grip. His wand dropped to the ground as he whispered his agreement."Unmistakably clear, Ma'am. But you might have got my intentions completely wrong..."

"Oh, I don't think so," said Mrs Lestrange calmly. "I know a bully when I see one."

"Let go of my son!" Another witch shrieked all of a sudden as she hurried to Potter's rescue. Apparently it was his mother, but she looked more like his granny.

Mrs Lestrange offered the witch a charming smile. "Pleased to meet you, Mrs Potter. Could you possibly spare a moment of your precious time? There's something I'd like to discuss with you."

Severus would have loved to hear what Mrs Lestrange had to say, but he had to catch up with Lily and her parents. However, when he glanced over his shoulder for a last time, he noticed that Mrs Potter didn't look all too happy.

*

"He's just a wee boy," Dorothea Potter defended her son, listening only half-heartedly to the other witch's accusations. Mrs Lestrange must be wrong, that didn't sound like her little James at all. "You know what boys are like- they fancy playing pranks on others, but it's harmless."

The Potters were an old and wealthy pure-blood family, and James was their only son, the only heir. Dorothea and James senior had gotten him when they were already quite old and had almost given up hope that their marriage would be blessed with children at all. Therefore he was their greatest joy, their little sunshine. Nigella understood that quite well, but that was still no reason to spoil him rotten and let him get away with everything.

"I do not consider a prank harmless if it results in the victim spending a night at the infirmary. I already complained about James' behaviour to Professor Dumbledore, but it is your responsibility to teach your boy some decent manners. Good day, Mrs Potter!"

*

Mr and Mrs Evans had always tolerated his friendship with Lily- perhaps because Severus was the only other magical child in their part of town, and they wanted to make sure their little witch daughter was doing well in the wizarding world. But he wasn't a fool. Although they made quite an effort to chide Petunia for her attitude, and even encouraged her to be more agreeable towards him, he knew as well that they didn't precisely approve of him as a person.

He was from Spinner's End, the most run-down street in town. Here, there were no decent people but day-labourers and unemployed folks; drunkards that wasted their dole on cheap booze in the local pub. Just like his father. And when he was drunk enough, he'd start shouting or worse.

The Evanses arched a brow at his bruises but didn't ask questions, and he was grateful for that. Severus didn't want to talk about his home life, not even to Lily. She didn't need to know how horrible it was sometimes, because he didn't want her pity. He was not a charity case.

Therefore, he often declined an offer for lunch or dinner at her parent's house, even if he was hungry. But he was also proud, and he couldn't stand Petunia secretly mocking his not-so-perfect table manners- although they had improved, recently. At Hogwarts, he had often watched Lucius Malfoy during meals, admiring his elegance at even the simplest things, and he had taken on to imitating him as good as possible. Severus liked to learn, because one day he wanted to leave that dunghill of his youth and become a respectable, esteemed member of wizarding society. And Lily would be at his side.

He dreamed of breakthroughs in Potions research they would come up with, and of course, one day they would marry. But that was just a dream, a dream he yearned to come true.

Summer was great because he spent a lot of time with Lily. Often, they sat at their favourite spot by the river, talking about the magical world that seemed so far away but was yet so close. Although their spot was decidedly Muggle and Hogwarts was many miles from here, it had it's very own magic since Lily was there. In the patches of sunlight that made it through the leaves of the old trees and bushes sheltering them, her hair shimmered like cascades of fire.

In those moments, he was so mesmerized by her he hardly noticed that he failed to capture her attention like he used to, when the wizarding world was just a vague idea to her, not real yet, and stories about Azkaban and the Dementors were still the most exciting things she'd heard. He had been her guide to this strange new world, then, and he had taken pride in telling her everything he knew, sparking her interest and her love for _their_ world. But magic wasn't a theory to her any longer. Lily had already seen a fair share of the wizarding world; she had made friends with other wizarding kids. She didn't want to hear about Azkaban and the Dementors any more but talk about her friends instead. Alas, her friends were not a matter of interest to Severus, who called them _mindlessly gossiping Gryffindor girls._

In moments like these she questioned her friendship with Severus, although she still considered him her best friend, holding him dear. She thought that once he'd get to know Mary, Patricia, Theresa and Rachel better, he might change his mind. Perhaps it was just that he hadn't made good friends himself- admittedly, that seemed to be a problem in Slytherin House, considering that all of his house mates were either arrogant or slightly creepy, with one exception and that was Raven Lestrange. She seemed to be a decent girl, and Lily was glad Severus had given up his rude behaviour towards her.

*

Severus couldn't believe his ears. It felt as if an icy cold shower had just rained down on him, the day when Lily told him she was going on vacation with her parents. Only two weeks in Brighton- but that was a very far distance away and two weeks without her seemed to be like an eternity of misery to him. What would he do without her? True, he could still visit their spot every day, reading all the books his father didn't approve of- well, his father didn't approve of reading in general. Tobias Snape called that a waste of time... but getting drunk all night was even more a waste of time, especially since he was drinking away the money they needed for living.

That man was a bloody hypocrite! He condemned the use of magic but nevertheless expected mother to help out whenever he deemed it suitable- like heating up his dinner with magic when the power was off once more, due to unpaid bills. And he would never understand Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration. You just couldn't Summon food or money out of thin air, and you couldn't make electricity work.

Therefore, Severus' home life was a misery of unpaid bills, no decent food on the table, and that all in a loveless atmosphere where his father would shout for no reason at all (just because he was pissed), his mother would shout back, and he would try to be invisible so that their frustration would not go off on him.

Mostly, he preferred to avoid his parents. It was easier when father got work and was out all day, when he was alone with his mother. In very rare moments she would even pretend she cared for him, give him books to read- but on that very day she handed him a postcard, addressed to him.

"Make sure your father doesn't see it. He won't approve of posh friends that go on holidays in Italy."

_Does he approve of anything at all?_ Severus wondered. He had hoped that postcard would be from Lily, but his mother's words had shattered that hope. Lily was in Brighton, not in Italy. So he grabbed the postcard and stuffed it carelessly in the pocket of his oversized jeans as he made his way to the river. Sitting down at a place of pleasant memories, he missed Lily tremendously. She was the best thing in his miserable life; she was the reason for him to do better than his parents (well, it couldn't be worse anyway)

But this postcard was not from Lily, that much was sure. It showed a foreign fishing village with colourful houses, little boats at a beach, the blue of the sea battling the blue of the sky although you really couldn't compare these two blues for they were so different.

The stamp looked almost exotic to him, but not the handwriting. He recognised it immediately- Lestrange.

_Dear Sev,_

-just how many times had he told her that his name was Severus? And yet she insisted on calling him that stupid abbreviation of his given name! Well, he would have ignored it if Lily hadn't jumped on that train, thinking it _cute_ to call him so. Ruffling his hair, he read on.

_Greetings from Italy. We spent a good week driving through Tuscany, visiting many famous sights, but now we're at the Riviera. It is very nice here. The sun is shining and we go to the beach every day. I miss you and Lily. _

_Hope you have a nice summer._

_I'm looking forward to see you again._

_Yours,_

_Raven._

Stupid girl, he thought, although he had to admit he felt a tad flattered. It was the first postcard he had ever received, and it came from a long distance. By the end of the summer it was still his only postcard. He preferred to believe that Lily's must have gotten lost in the complicated ways of the Muggle postal system.

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_thanks to hypnotic. ink and Alabaster Princess_

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_


	6. Born to Boogie

_thanks to hypnotic ink and Alabaster Princess_

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6- Born to Boogie

The second year at Hogwarts started just like the first one had begun, with the journey from platform nine and three-quarters. There was a lot of shouting and cheering of students meeting their friends again for the first time after the summer. Lily was busy talking to her Gryffindor girls, telling them all about her holidays in Brighton. But when they boarded the Hogwarts Express, she joined Severus in the compartment he shared with Raven.

Lily almost envied Raven her tanned skin- she always turned lobster when exposed to the sun, and her fair complexion was marred with thousands of annoying freckles. On the other hand, Raven's now neatly cut hair had a very unfavourable length as it accentuated her round face like the halo of a full moon.

"You were in Italy?" She asked, casting a glance at Severus. He had, of course, told her of the postcard he had received- but had he already thanked Raven for that kind gesture? He was sometimes such an ignoramus when it came to showing good manners and he was a dilettante in the fine arts of socialising.

But Raven smiled at him- so she was probably not affronted- and then started talking about Italy. She told them about the famous sights she had visited in Tuscany, and of the small wizarding communities there.

Severus listened with interest. Actually, with so much interest that Lily soon got bored because it was obvious he didn't want to hear about her latest fight with Petunia. Feeling left out, she stared out of the window and watched the landscape passing by with tears in her eyes. Tuney had been especially mean to her today... and she had so hoped that after spending two wonderful weeks in Brighton they'd be thick as thieves again. But apparently not. As soon as they were back home, and she had gotten her book list from Hogwarts, things between the two sisters had taken to a down-swing once again. Oh, it was so very frustrating...

*

Severus, although often being considered an insensitive git by his best friend, did notice a sudden mood swing in Lily's behaviour. She seemed to be sad, the way she stared out of the window, and that reminded him of last year. Then, she had been so upset about her stupid Muggle sister that she didn't even want to talk to him, and he couldn't let that happen again. So he quickly turned a deaf ear on Lestrange in order to pay Lily his full attention.

However, he groaned inwardly when all that bothered her was Petunia once more.

*

Just like the year before, they reached Hogsmeade station after nightfall, but this year they weren't first years anymore and wouldn't be escorted to the castle by Hagrid. This year, they followed the elder students to a row of stagecoaches that were waiting for them outside the station.

As it seemed, these carriages weren't drawn by horses or anything, but moved magically. Nevertheless, Raven stopped to stare into thin air, reaching out a hand into nothingness. _Was she seeing something that wasn't to be seen by anyone in their right state of mind?_ Severus wondered, thinking that Lestrange was acting more than just a tad strange.

"Thestrals," she whispered.

"What?"

"These carriages are drawn by Thestrals, Sev- oh really, you must have read about them in _Hogwarts: A History_. They're winged horses with reptile-like faces and necks, and a skeletal black body. Anyhow, I'm glad you can't see them- neither can I- because they're invisible to anyone who hasn't seen death yet. But they're gentle creatures."

She flashed him a bright smile and scrambled into the carriage before he could say, '_don't call me Sev.' _It was futile anyway. Heaving a sigh, he followed her.

The coach began to move as soon as they were seated. A little later they were rolling through a huge wrought-iron gate that was flanked with stone columns. Now the carriage took on speed as it proceeded up the long, winding drive to the castle. It still looked magnificent to Severus, and he felt like coming home. Finally, they were back to Hogwarts.

The kids got out and made their way to the Great Hall. This year, they didn't have to endure being called up one by one for the Sorting ceremony; this year, they already knew where they belonged.

With an expression of loss in his eyes, Severus watched Lily hurrying over to the Gryffindor table as if she couldn't wait to be with her friends, and he briefly wondered if things were ever going to be any simpler between the two of them. At home, it was her stupid Muggle sister often ruining the mood, and here it were those mindlessly prattling chicks...

But when Lucius Malfoy jovially slapped his back in a welcoming gesture, he felt proud. Apparently, he had somehow managed to make an impression on the older boy, and his fellow Slytherins didn't fall silent anymore when he entered the scene. That, however, didn't mean he was being entirely filled in with what they were actually talking about, and that bugged him. Nevertheless, he had already figured out that it concerned a very powerful wizard- they reverently called him the '_Dark Lord_'- who was the figurehead of a movement that demanded changes in the wizarding world. Severus wanted to find out more about that, simply because it sounded... promising.

His thoughts were interrupted by the voice of Professor McGonagall; she was reading the list of first years that were to be Sorted. Cheerful hoots followed each name as the Sorting Hat cried out their respective houses.

"Black, Regulus."

Severus looked up to see a young boy who resembled one of his Gryffindor nemeses. Apparently he was Sirius Black's younger brother. He groaned inwardly- another haughty, spoiled little brat. On the other hand, the former Head Girl was a Black as well, and she was decent. Andromeda had always seen to it that the older students didn't shoo around the first years.

Under the cheers from his house mates, Regulus Black got Sorted into Slytherin. Narcissa Black, his cousin, stood to welcome him, while a loud 'Boo' came from the Gryffindor table.

Regulus shot a glance of anger mingled with frustration in the direction of his brother, then he shrugged and told Narcissa, "He's just mad that our parents think I'm the better son, because I do intend to keep up the tradition of our family."

"And that is a very noble intention, cousin. I am proud of you," Narcissa chirped, and she offered the boy to sit next to her. What seemed to be a small gesture was in fact a warning; she wanted to make sure everybody realized that her little cousin was under her special protection, so that no one would dare to harass him without having to fear the consequences. After all, she was sort of the Queen of Slytherin.

And Lucius Malfoy was her prince in shining armour. Narcissa couldn't have been more proud when Dumbledore announced him Head Boy. Oh, she was a very lucky witch. She would get a fair share of his privileges since she deserved special treatment, being his fiancée. As soon as she left Hogwarts, she would marry him, and although that marriage had been arranged a long time ago, she couldn't think of a better husband than Lucius Malfoy. He simply looked dashing and they shared the same ideology- but the best thing was, she loved him and he loved her.

*

The Royal Slytherin Couple ruled that year, and just like it was tradition in Slytherin house, they shooed around the ickle first years, using them as their servants. Well, everyone but Regulus Black. He was being treated like a little prince.

Severus, however, couldn't even stand the sight of him. Little Regulus was just as arrogant as his older brother, but since he was a house mate _and_ under the Royal Couple's protection, he thought it wiser not to show his aversion if he wanted to stay in Lucius Malfoy's good books.

Lucius Malfoy was everything he wanted to be- he was smart, elegant, and he had that certain _air_... the one that didn't only smell of expensive perfumes, but of influence and power. If he were more like Lucius, those obnoxious Gryffindor bullies wouldn't dare to bother him.

Surprisingly, the first weeks of term had been strangely quiet. Of course, they taunted him and called him names, but there had been no attack yet. And that worried him. He was not so naïve to believe they had given up their stupid _pranks_ only because Mrs Lestrange had had a word with Mrs Potter. No, Potter was still strutting the corridors as if the castle belonged to him- which wasn't precisely the attitude of someone who had been chided or even punished for his behaviour. Perhaps his parents had only given him a short moral sermon that went in one ear and out the other without leaving any impression on him.

So what was he and his gang planning?

Well, first of all, they had Quidditch on their mind. Potter did leave quite a mark in the try-outs and was nominated Beater of the Gryffindor team. In the match against Slytherin they didn't just win but trounced the other team as Potter scored goal after goal, and then their Seeker also caught the Golden Snitch. The celebrations afterwards, in which Potter was heralded Quidditch hero of Gryffindor, made Severus' stomach churn because even Lily cheered for that arrogant toerag- although she assured him that she still couldn't stand Potter. It was just her stupid Gryffindor pride. Also, she didn't want to be left out when all of her friends celebrated the victory. Nevertheless, Severus felt slightly betrayed.

On the other hand, he couldn't stop watching her- her cheeks all flushed with excitement, chanting merrily... she looked so full of life, so very, very beautiful it made his heart ache. He would have loved to spend more time with her, but she hurried towards Gryffindor tower in midst of all her other friends, leaving him standing out on the grounds, feeling lost and strangely bereft.

"You alright?" A soft voice next to him asked.

Lestrange! Recently, she seemed to have developed an uncanny habit of appearing from out of nowhere. He rolled his eyes and muttered, "Sure."

"Well, I think that Quidditch is definitely overrated. It's a stupid game."

"You're only saying that because you're a lousy flyer, and you're scared of brooms." Severus replied scathingly.

"I'm not scared of a stupid wooden stick!" Raven snapped indignantly, before she continued in a softer tone, "I simply prefer to keep my feet firmly on the ground when obnoxious Gryffindor bullies are around."

"Yeah, but the biggest bully is the hero of the day," he sulked, thinking of Lily applauding to every bloody goal Potter had scored.

"You know, Sev, I think being a hero takes so much more than throwing a ball through a loop."

He almost smiled at her words, but then he frowned. Had she been watching the game? He couldn't recall seeing her amongst the Slytherin crowd.

"Fancy coming to the library with me?" She asked, smiling at him, "We could study together, and I have a question about Potions."

"Only one?" Severus sneered, because she still hadn't managed to brew a single potion without making a complete mess of it. Nevertheless, he agreed to accompany Lestrange to the library since he had nothing better to do anyway. The mood in the Slytherin common room would be unpleasant at best, for Lucius Malfoy was likely to fume about the abysmal performance of _his_ team, and he wasn't keen on experiencing that. It was wiser to avoid Malfoy when he was furious if you didn't want to be at the receiving end of his wrath. And Severus was in a difficult position in Slytherin house anyway- he was just a lousy half-blood among elitist pure-bloods, and he was friends with a Gryffindor _Mudblood_. But as much as he wanted to get the recognition of his house mates, he would not give up his friendship with Lily for them.

*

He was freezing, Raven noticed. The chill of winter was already in the air, and his hands looked painfully cold; he was rubbing them unconsciously. She felt the urge to take them and warm them in her own gloved hands, or to even borrow him her gloves. But she knew as well he wouldn't appreciate either, and he'd give her a sneer instead. Telling her he was alright (even if he was so obviously not) because he didn't like being treated like a charity case- when all she wanted was being nice to him, showing him that she cared.

On the other hand, Raven was well aware of the fact that her beloved orange, purple, pink and green striped gloves might look a tad ridiculous on Severus Snape. Of course, that shouldn't really matter when it was all about keeping one warm, but boys in general were difficult and he was a special case anyway.

Therefore she had suggested going to the library instead of staying out in the cold, talking about that stupid Quidditch match, and she beamed when he accepted her proposal. Raven loved spending time with him, and there was always a question about potions on her mind... well, most of all how to brew one correctly.

*

Spending the afternoon in the library with Lestrange was definitely an agreeable option- he had grown accustomed to her, and sometimes he even enjoyed her presence. Also, she was an agreeable study partner, given that she was capable of focussing on the subject ahead for as long as it took. Without complaining about teachers giving them too much homework, or trying to distract him with mindless prattle.

He appreciated that. Nevertheless, it didn't stop him from wondering about her, and in particular speculating why a girl, who was so obviously not a total dunderhead, was so utterly incapable of brewing the simplest potion.

"Can you show me?" She asked, looking at him as though she considered him more competent in teaching her the subtle art of brewing than Professor Slughorn, and he wasn't quite sure whether he should feel flattered now. Besides, it was also an issue of logistics. Even if he was willing to tutor her- which he wasn't (at least not yet)- they couldn't just use the Potions classroom for that. Although Professor Slughorn did allow that on rare occasions, it was a privilege he only granted his most _promising_ students... the ones who would reward him with a good bottle of wine or tickets for his favourite Quidditch team.

Severus didn't have the money to bribe him, and even if he had, he wouldn't waste it only to show a clumsy girl how to brew a potion. There was still the unpredictable risk of her blowing up her cauldron like she usually did, and he didn't want to be responsible for wrecking the Potions classroom.

A sad expression ghosted over her round face when he rejected her request, and if it had been Lily, he would have given in to her pleading eyes without considering the consequences. But these weren't Lily's emerald eyes that were staring at him, making him feel guilty. It was Lestrange, and she averted her gaze in order to hide her dashed hopes without making him feel responsible for it. And somehow, that was even worse than Lily's glare.

*

Just like the year before, Severus stayed at Hogwarts over Christmas and he was happy he could spend his time in the library- there was a book Lucius Malfoy had mentioned in passing he wanted to take a look at. Unfortunately, though, it was in the restricted section- which only made it more interesting. There was some talk about the Dark Arts in Slytherin, of actually practising instead of fighting them like they did in their Defence against the Dark Arts classes. Naturally, he was quite curious about that, since both of the professors who had taught the subject so far (last year Ketteridge and this year Slinkholm) had failed in explaining what was so bad about the Dark Arts, while the elder students in his house spoke in awe about the powers the Dark Arts could give them.

Alas, they fell silent whenever they noticed him listening too closely, making him aware of the fact that he was still not being fully accepted in his own house. Severus wanted to change that; he wanted to belong. He wanted to become a powerful wizard who could stand his own ground when those four Gryffindor bullies tried to _prank_ him again, and he wanted to impress Lily.

Last year, she had given him a fancy quill for Christmas. It had been his best Christmas present ever, simply because it was from Lily. But he had not given her anything since he wasn't used to making a present. This year, however, he had bought a box of her favourite sweets and had even made the effort of wrapping it. She had smiled so beautifully when he had given it to her, the day before she had left Hogwarts for the holidays, and he already missed her terribly.

She had presented him with a small pot of Colour-Change Ink, which was very kind of her although he preferred plain black ink. But he would use it when exchanging these little notes of when and where they would meet- sometimes the tension between their houses was so strained and hostile, it seemed wiser not to talk to each other in public, as their friendship was being frowned upon anyway.

To his great surprise, two owls landed near his plate while he was having breakfast on Christmas morning. One was a grand eagle owl, carrying a Christmas card with best wishes from Lucius Malfoy. He was slightly flabbergasted because he had clearly not expected the Head Boy deeming him worthy the effort of sending an owl, only to wish him a 'Merry Christmas.' Of course, he felt flattered- and one step closer to finally being fully accepted in Slytherin. A wry smile curled up the corners of his mouth.

The other owl, an ordinary beast in comparison to Malfoy's posh eagle owl and with noticeably less manners- it made a go at the bacon on his plate the moment it had landed and ruffled its feathers- carried a small parcel that seemed to expand in size as he unpacked it. It contained something black and woollen. A pair of gloves and a matching scarf, both made of a soft and yet very warm wool.

The scarf was long and thick- he could wrap it around his neck several times- and the gloves fitted his hands perfectly. They would keep him warm in the cold winters here at Hogwarts.

There was also a card, showing a Muggle Christmas scene with Father Christmas and a red-nosed reindeer. It read,

_Dear Sev,_

_I wish you a Merry Christmas and hope you're not feeling lonely all alone at Hogwarts. _

_I'm looking forward to seeing you again._

_Yours,_

_Raven_

Lestrange, he involuntarily groaned. So the pampered little girl had bought him gloves- she must have noticed he didn't own any that day after the Quidditch match. That, however, didn't make him a charity case. He would tell her to mind her own business... then he discovered an irregularity in the knitting, only a slight disorder of stitches, and he came to the conclusion that she must have knitted the gloves. And that was... well, it left him kind of speechless, but fortunately he was all on his own and didn't need to speak to anyone.

*

There was something... _strange_... about Lestrange when she returned to Hogwarts after the Christmas break- Severus couldn't quite put a finger on what precisely it was, but she was behaving... well, differently. She seemed to hold her head a tad higher than usual, and she was humming all the time.

He wouldn't ask. It was already bad enough that he had to thank her for her Christmas present (and he would tell her to never do that again since he was in her debt now, which he didn't fancy at all) But then she spotted him wearing her gloves and she beamed all over her face. Oddly enough, he found he didn't have the heart to berate her for giving him unwanted presents.

That girl was a nuisance. Smilingly, she took the wind out of his sails, and all he could do was sigh with annoyance. Oh, and of course he didn't have to ask what got her in such a cheerful mood because she was bursting to tell him anyway. Her eyes were sparkling as she told him about a movie she had seen.

"A movie?" He asked incredulously. What was so special about Muggle flicks?

"Not just _any_ movie, Sev. "

No definitely not. This one was apparently very special as it was about a Muggle music band named after a long extinct, distant relative of today's dragons: T. Rex, short for Tyrannosaurus Rex. They were a bunch of weirdos wearing platform boots, bell-bottoms and... _glitter_.

To be honest, it didn't sound all too exciting to him, but she was literally gushing about it, totally enchanted by their music.


	7. Life is Strange

7 Life is Strange

"You there!" Narcissa called, flinging a bundle of cloth at Raven, who was sitting on one of the sofas in the Slytherin common room, reading a magazine. "Iron my robes! I will need them later."

Raven glanced up, defiance in her eyes. "Do I look like a bloody house elf?"

A collective gasp rang through the room, then everybody fell silent. No one dared to defy Narcissa Black. It was a common habit that the younger students assisted the older ones in whatever they deemed necessary and besides, Narcissa was a Black. The Blacks were almost wizarding royalty, therefore it was like defying a princess.

A girl of Raven's year volunteered immediately. "Please, Narcissa, let me do it for you. I will iron your robes."

"There's a willing lackey!" Raven snorted and focussed on her magazine again. She knew it had been a mistake to sit down in the common room- usually she avoided that, but it had been so pleasantly quiet in here only a few moments ago.

Gracefully, Narcissa allowed Clementine Bulstrode to do the task at hand, because it didn't matter to her just _who_ ironed her robes, as long as it would be done in the end. Nevertheless, she arched a sophisticated brow at Raven.

"It would be in your best interest if you learned some simple household spells, since otherwise-just look at yourself- you will hardly find a decent husband to take care of you."

Some of the attendant students cheered at Narcissa's words; Raven was really not popular in Slytherin house.

Severus frowned. He was sitting in a dark corner, watching the incident in silence, and he had no intention to interfere. Lestrange had made her bed, now she had to lie in it. He was wondering though- did she truly possess the nerve to read a Muggle magazine in the Slytherin common room?

"Guess what!" Raven snapped, putting down said magazine. It showed a curly haired Muggle bloke on the cover. "It might come as a surprise to you, but just because you are a dimwitted, brainless beauty doesn't mean everybody is. Ever heard of women's liberation? I don't even want to find myself a husband! I can take care of myself!"

The silence in the Slytherin common room was almost deafening now. Severus rolled his eyes. Then somewhere, a boy was chuckling. Others joined in. They were thinking Raven absurd. She was an unpopular, plump little girl and her idea of women's liberation was laughable to the ears of the traditionalists among them.

"You will regret your words!" Narcissa threatened in a dangerously cold tone as she drew her wand and pointed it at Raven. That filthy disgrace of a Slytherin had not only dared to disobey, but had also insulted her. She would pay for it!

But before the beautiful blonde could even think of an appropriate curse, Raven stood and hissed at her, "Just Leave. Me. Alone!"

And then she was gone. Had simply disappeared, dissolved into thin air, whatever.

Some said she had Disapparated, but Apparation wasn't possible within Hogwarts- had any of them ever read _Hogwarts: A History_? Severus doubted that.

He thought he'd caught a vague glimpse of her from the corner of his eye as she was walking by (apparently hidden under a Disillusionment Charm- although that was quite advanced magic, he wouldn't put it past her), then the entrance door to their common room was opened just wide enough for someone to slip through. It was his nagging curiosity that made him rise and follow her, not concern about her well-being or anything as sentimental as that- just his inquisitive nature and his thirst for knowledge.

All the same he was pretty much aware of the fact that he merely found her, sitting on a boulder by the shore of the lake, because she had _allowed_ him to find her. A subtle hint here and there, nothing too obvious.

"I've so had it with Her Haughty Highness!" She fumed when she heard him approaching, having already expected him.

It was funny, he still couldn't see her clearly until he was sitting right next to her. There was something like a pinkish haze surrounding her, clouding the outline of her shape- and then it vanished.

"How're you doing that?" He asked without preamble.

Raven shrugged. She couldn't explain it either- at least not in words that would satisfy his academic nature. It had just come to her, that very day when she had been cornered by those four Gryffindor bullies once again. Looking for a way out, she had shouted: 'Leave. Me. Alone!'

Of course, she hadn't expected that to leave any impression on Potter and his cohorts. She knew they would hex her anyway, and she really didn't want to end up in the infirmary again.

Then something weird happened. All of a sudden she felt strangely... _protected_...

_'She's _gone_,' Pettigrew breathed, standing there gaping, a hint of awe in his voice._

_'Nonsense!' Potter chided him. 'That cannot be. The Fat Crow is much too plump to ever dissolve into thin air.'_

_Black laughed out loud. It took a while for Pettigrew to get that pun, but then he giggled uncontrollably. 'That's great, James! Fat Crows and thin air doesn't work- tee hee...'_

But it had worked. Well, she hadn't completely disappeared; she was she was still there, hearing their exchange- only they just couldn't see her anymore. She was in a bubble, a pink bubble. It had just happened...

"That's not possible," Severus interjected. "_'Leave me alone' _ isn't even a proper spell,"

She shrugged, not having a sensible explanation for it either. "I know."

He cast her a sidelong glance and changed the topic. "It wasn't wise, challenging Narcissa Black like you did. After all, she stems from a well esteemed pure-blood family-"

"So what?" Raven cut him off. "That doesn't mean anything."

_It means a lot,_ Severus thought, arching a surprised brow at her. When had she become so fierce?

"For my part, she can wet herself in excitement about her blood status, but it's not her merit. She cannot take credit for what her parents are. All this talk about the purity of blood is ridiculous."

"How the hell did you end up in Slytherin house?"

"I didn't want to be in Gryffindor."

Well, that was something he did comprehend, but it was still no proper explanation. You couldn't just tell the Sorting Hat your preferences and expect it to follow your bidding. Although, it had definitely shown a wicked sense of humour by Sorting Raven Lestrange into Slytherin, where she truly didn't belong. After all, the purity of blood was a very important matter there, and she seemed to give a damn about it. But perhaps she merely pretended not to care because her blood was tainted by her Muggle father, just like his? No- he noticed the magazine she was holding in her hands and it was definitely Muggle. Her heritage didn't bother her, she accepted it willingly. Reading a Muggle magazine in a wizarding school as if she couldn't decide which world was really hers.

And he still wasn't any wiser. She was an enigma to him he wanted to figure out before he could finally forget about Raven Lestrange.

"So the Sorting Hat placed you in Slytherin of all houses, without even considering any other one?"

"Well, it had also Hufflepuff in mind- my Mum was a Hufflepuff, you know- but I... I-" Raven fell silent. Yes, she had wanted to be in Slytherin because of Severus, because she had taken an instant liking to him on the train. He was so different from those Gryffindor bullies and all the other boys in her year; he wasn't bragging with his talents and yet he was simply brilliant, so clever and smart.

Of course, if she had bothered to read up on Hogwarts houses beforehand, instead of pushing all thoughts about this school in general as far aside as she could, because she hadn't wanted to come here in the first place, then she might have chosen differently. But now she was in Slytherin and had to get used to its politics of pure-blood supremacy, no matter whether she liked it or not.

Whatever had gotten into her earlier, she couldn't change it any more. She had defied Narcissa Black, and that meant she would have to be very careful from now on. Staying as invisible as possible was a wise option.

Smiling at Severus, she busied herself with the latest edition of _Melody Maker_ again- there was a fascinating article about T. Rex in it that she hadn't finished reading yet.

It was nice, though, that he remained seated next to her on the boulder, glancing surreptitiously over her shoulder to see what was keeping her so interested. Perhaps it wouldn't harm him to be reading about the wonderful Marc Bolan for a change, instead of always burying his lovely big nose in books about magic.

"By the way, it's nice you're worrying about me."

"I don't," he grumbled.

Raven smirked and enjoyed this very nice afternoon at the lake.

*

'What did you choose as your additional subject?' was the main question all students asked their friends at the end of the second term, and once more when they started their third year at Hogwarts. They had the choice between five new classes: Ancient Runes, Divination, Care of Magical Creatures, Arithmancy and Muggle Studies, and they had to pick at least two.

Raven had thought it over thoroughly during the Easter holidays and then again over summer break, and had finally chosen Ancient Runes and Arithmancy. She still preferred classes in which she did not have to wave a wand, although she was getting better at that and was feeling more comfortable with her ebony wand. It seemed she was slowly becoming friends with it.

She was thrilled to find out that Severus had made the same choices, whereas Lily had picked the more _girlish _subjects- Care of Magical Creatures and Divination. _Cute beasties and fortune-telling..._

In Raven's opinion, Divination wasn't something one could learn. Either you had that gift and were a true seer- or you were not. It made no sense to her if she had to try and read a meaning into some tea leaves.

She wasn't keen on listening to what the odd wizard or witch knew about Muggles either, because she was certain she could teach her class mates a lot of things that the curriculum didn't cover, so Muggle Studies wasn't an option.

Care of Magical Creatures sounded interesting at first- until she recalled Professor Kettleburn's appearance and decided against it. She wanted to keep all her limbs intact, thank you very much, but that wasn't exactly guaranteed when dealing with magical beasties. Professor Kettleburn was the living example for that.

*

In third year, the regency of Slytherin Head Boys and Girls ended- much to Narcissa Black's dismay. She had so hoped to be the next Head Girl, but her hopes got shattered when Dumbledore rewarded Frank Longbottom and his girlfriend Alice with that honour.

_Gryffindors!_ Narcissa thought with disgust as she faked a smile and applauded politely.

Lily, however, was very pleased with the course of events, as she was certain that a couple of her own house would represent the interest of all students in a much better way than any Slytherin could, given that the _Snakes_ were horribly prejudiced. They believed only pure-blooded wizards and witches had a right to attend Hogwarts, and that simply wasn't fair. Of course, not every Slytherin was like that. The head of their house, Professor Slughorn, never grew tired of praising Lily for her natural talent at Potions, and he always invited her to his parties. He was a really nice man.

Having additional classes and a Gryffindor couple as Head Boy and Girl weren't the only changes in third year. The students were now also allowed to visit Hogsmeade on special weekends. Everybody was excited about it, especially Lily, because it was the only all-wizarding village in Britain. She couldn't wait for her first Hogsmeade weekend to arrive.

Finally, the time had come.

Hogsmeade was a picturesque village of hatched cottages, some of them housing the most amazing shops Lily had ever seen. There was a place called Honeydukes that sold all kinds of magical sweets- not only the ones you could buy on the Hogwarts Express but lots more, and everything was just so very, very awe-inspiring and wonderful. She couldn't believe what she had missed, growing up in the dull Muggle world for far too long.

Oh, she could have stayed at Honeydukes for days without getting bored. Unfortunately, her companion wasn't as impressed as she was, and although Severus tried to hide his growing impatience very well, she noticed that he wasn't enjoying himself. On the other hand- did he ever have fun? He was always so grumpy and sullen, and it didn't surprise her at all that her other friends wanted nothing to do with him.

_Why do you even speak to that greasy oddball? _they often asked her, but Lily thought that that wasn't a nice thing to say about someone either. He was bright and- in his very own way- even witty. He just wasn't a social person. Nevertheless, he was her friend. Her best friend. No one knew her as well as he did.

She only wished he would be more agreeable when it came to socializing, that he wouldn't call her other friends _mindless prattling chicks._ She wished he would enjoy himself more instead of standing in Honeydukes, totally unimpressed by all the wonders born out of chocolate and sugar dreams.

At least, she thought as she went to pay for her collection of sweets, he finally made a friend in his own house. Raven Lestrange was quite a decent person- for a Slytherin. Sometimes she wondered if the Sorting Hat might have misplaced her, and if Hufflepuff wouldn't have been a more suitable house for her... but then she glanced at her and recognized a scowl on her face that appeared to be typical Slytherin. In some strange kind of way, Raven and Severus were very much alike. They both seemed unable the enjoy themselves. Lily was curious if that was a specific Slytherin trait while she looked longingly at the cheerful group of Gryffindors leaving Honeydukes and heading for Zonko's, the joke shop. It would be so much more fun if she could go with them, but she had promised Severus that they would spent their first Hogsmeade weekend together. After all, they were best friends.

*

Third year was Raven's happiest at Hogwarts so far. She spent a lot of time with Lily and Severus, and although she sometimes felt left out because of the history her friends shared, it was still better to be the odd one out that being completely alone with only a moping ghost as a friend.

Strangely, third year was also the one the friends were slowly drifting apart, although none of them seemed to notice it then. It began with slight misunderstandings, barely detectable at the time they happened, but in the course of years they became bigger and more prominent. Especially when the kids hit puberty.

"Which boy do you like best?" Lily casually asked Raven a few weeks into fourth term, while they were waiting outside on the grounds for Severus to join them.

"Sev," she answered honestly, because Lily was her friend and it was the truth.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Well, yeah, of course I like him too. He's my best friend- but I mean, which boy do you think _cute_? With whom would you like to go to Madam Puddifoot's? You know, holding hands and stuff..."

"Stuff?" Raven inquired, not really getting Lily's question because she had already answered it- besides, Madam Puddifoot's tea shop was definitely not her favourite choice of places since it was much too frilly for her liking .

"I mean... _snogging_..."

She arched a brow at her friend, wondering what made her blush and giggle so stupidly. And why did she seem to consider Severus not snogworthy? To Raven, he was the most adorable boy at Hogwarts, and he had the most amazing eyes- deep, dark pools of blackness that only seemed to light up when somebody had something interesting to say... or when they were focussed on Lily.

"Marvin Bode is quite nice- don't you think so?"

_Hufflepuff_, Raven recalled, one year above them and very popular, due to his handsome appearance and kind manners. He played keeper for the Hufflepuff Quidditch team.

"Ewan McFarlan is also cute."

Another one of the pretty Quidditch boys! His father was Captain of the Montrose Magpies before he became Head of the Department of Magical Games and Sports. Slughorn adored the boy because old Hamish McFarlan gave him free tickets for every national Quidditch games he liked to watch.

It didn't surprise her that Lily seemed to fancy the most popular boys, given that she was not only the most popular but also the prettiest girl at Hogwarts, now that Narcissa was gone. Of course the most popular girl would like to date an equally popular boy because it must be so much better to snog someone who really mattered...

"So, is there any boy you fancy?" Lily asked again.

Raven glanced at her- there was a hint of curiosity in her emerald green eyes, mingled with something else she couldn't quite fathom. So she decided to not repeat herself, since she had already answered that question. Yes, she liked Severus. Very much indeed. And she wouldn't mind snogging him- not at all. But she wouldn't tell Lily. Some things were best kept secret.

So she said, "Well, I think Marc Bolan is really hot."

"He's the singer of that Muggle band you like, isn't he?"

Again, there was that certain _something, _now in Lily's voice. As if she was... _pitying_ her. Probably thinking that Raven was living in an illusionary world of teenage dreams without ever getting to know the real thing. Whereas Raven wondered if Lily, in that self-righteous way of hers she often exhibited around others, had ever been kissed before.

Well, it would surprise her to know that little Raven Lestrange had already made this very experience. Last summer. In Spain. With a dark-haired, dark-eyed Spanish boy. And it had been very nice. Especially, since Miguel had not seen her as a Fat Crow, like everybody at Hogwarts still called her without even bothering to notice the growth spurt she had made over the last couple of years. Admittedly, she still wasn't as perfectly slim as Lily, but at least she could pride herself that she filled out her shirt quite nicely.

That, however, didn't make her more popular. Those Gryffindor bullies were still trying to hex her at every opportunity, but she had found ways and means to escape them- at least most of the time...

Turning her head to avoid Lily's scrutinizing eyes, she saw Severus approaching and noticed he was limping somewhat.

"What kept you?" Lily inquired, apparently unaware of his dishevelled appearance.

There was a thin trail of blood dropping from a cut at his left eyebrow down to his cheekbone. Although it was neither a deep cut nor was it bleeding seriously, Raven made a point to produce a clean handkerchief in order to dab it away.

Severus flinched and scowled at her, but let it happen nonetheless, while explaining to Lily why he was late.

Raven wasn't listening. She had just noticed the delicate curve of his long lashes and the sooty shadows they cast on his pale cheeks as he kept his eyes down to avert Lily's glance. He was adorable... and he was lying to Lily. Probably because she wouldn't want to hear the truth anyway. It was so much more plausible to make her believe he had fallen down the stairs than having to admit that the boys of her house had hexed him- again. Mind, Lily didn't agree to her house mates' sense of humour, and she even called Potter an arrogant toerag for hexing students in the corridors only because he could, but she was nevertheless of the opinion that Severus must have provoked him whenever they had a fight.

After their Ancient Runes class, Severus had sent her ahead to tell Lily that he would be a tad late because of something he needed to ask Professor Babbling. Potter and his gang must have been lurking in the corridors, waiting for him. He could possibly fool Lily with his story of falling down the staircase, but since Raven was often a victim of the Gryffindorks' so-called pranks- just like him- he couldn't fool her. She stared at the blood-stained, crumbled handkerchief in her hand and sighed.

*

Severus could have accused her house mates of attacking him, but he had no proof for it; he had not seen any of them, had only heard Potter's voice shouting an incantation, and suddenly his book bag had grown fangs that were attacking his legs while he was walking down the staircase. He was certain the result was even funnier than a _Tarantallegra_ jinx since his legs had done sort of an equally mad dance just to escape the sharp teeth of his book bag- he merely wished it would have been someone else and not him, being the victim of their wicked humour and crashing down that damned staircase. Black's spiteful laughter was still ringing in his ears, but- just like with Potter- he couldn't spot the miscreant.

There were some others, too, laughing and reminding him that he wasn't particularly popular. He knew that. However, they soon fell silent when he scowled at them. He didn't give a rat's arse on being popular as long as they feared him, and they had every reason to because he already knew more curses than anyone in seventh year. If only he had seen his attackers, who seemed to be invisible.

Severus understood the concept behind Raven's strange Disillusionment Charm and the reason she had invented it- or rather, why such an advanced magic had come to her so easily. It was for self-protection. And he knew a lot about that, too.

That, however, didn't explain Potter and his cronies being invisible at the most opportune moments. He mightily doubted that _they_ needed any magical form of protection when they were already tucked safely away under the headmaster's protective wings... his precious Gryffindors, who couldn't possibly mean any harm but just wanted to play...

What made things even worse was Lily's attitude. His best friend seemed to believe in the prejudices against his own house, that Slytherins in general were evil, while all the Gryffindors were naturally fair.

She didn't even want to hear the suspicion he entertained towards that Lupin guy, and yet it _was_ mightily suspicious that he- or his mother, for the purpose- always seemed to fall ill when it was full moon...

*

In fourth year, all their misconceptions seemed to blur and fade away soon, giving way to the joy of being together, being friends. Severus forgot that Lily wouldn't believe him if he told her the truth, and besides, he was a very private person anyway. Raven ignored the pitiful glances Lily was shooting her occasionally, because the most popular girl at Hogwarts couldn't possibly grasp that life didn't end outside the walls of the castle, but began, and she didn't blame her for being utterly wrong. After all, they were friends and she was happy being friends with Lily Evans and Severus Snape.

They met at the shore of the lake or later, when the days were getting shorter and colder, in the library. As study partners, they were perfect, complementing each other due to their different personalities and interests. But the rift was still there, driving them apart a little more each day.

* * *

_thanks to hypnotic ink and Alabaster Princess _

_Please review!_


	8. Teenager in Love

8 Teenager in love

Being in love was frustrating when the one you're in love with didn't even seem to recognise you as possible love interest. Raven wondered if Severus noticed at all she was a girl and not just a reliable study partner. But he had only eyes for Lily, who clearly wasn't interested in any romantic relationship with him.

Of course, neither Raven nor Severus mentioned their unrequited love. He was a private person and rarely ever spoke about emotions, unless he was angry and the words just burst out. And Raven- well, there were moments she actually wanted to tell him of the feelings she harboured for him, but then he would secretly cast another of those longing glances at Lily, and Raven felt like a fool for even considering to bother him with her affection. She just wished he would look at her the same way, and then she thought about dyeing her hair a flashier shade of red than Lily's- which was, of course, utter nonsense. Fortunately, she was aware of that, which spared her at least the embarrassment. So she kept her love a secret, just like Severus did.

Lily was clueless. She spent most of her time with her giggling Gryffindor girls, chatting about boys. It was new and exciting to see them through different eyes, but it never occurred to her to look at Severus with those different eyes. He was her childhood friend, the boy with mismatched clothes and greasy hair- he was not popular, not presentable, and definitely not someone she could take to Professor Slughorn's Christmas party.

In previous years, she had asked one of her other friends to accompany her. Mary MacDonald, Patricia Goshawk, or Theresa Hipworth- well, the latter was invited anyway since an ancestor of hers had once invented the Pepperup Potion. This year, however, Lily wanted to have a date. She was almost fifteen; it was about time to have a real date.

Since Lily was a popular girl, there was no lack of suitable candidates. Of course she rejected Potter's offer- lately, he seemed to have taken a great fancy to her and was always asking her out, but she hadn't changed her mind about him. He was an immature, arrogant toerag.

At long last, she decided in favour of Ewan McFarlan. He was a seventh year fellow Gryffindor, and he looked really dashing, especially in his Quidditch outfit.

Later, she complained that all he could ever talk about was Quidditch, which made Severus smirk quite gleefully.

Alas, this couldn't undo the hours of emotional turmoil Severus suffered through, that night of Slughorn's party. Nobody in the Slytherin common room had seemed to notice his unrest- and he definitely _had_ a knack for hiding his feelings as he was sitting there among his fellow house mates, stoically listening to their mindless prattle of pure-blood superiority while his heart was bleeding for a Mudblood. But Raven had developed quite a knack for sensing his mood, and it almost pained her physically to watch him, knowing he was pining for a girl who rarely ever wasted a second thought about him- while _she_ would do almost anything to make him happy. She could even live with Severus and Lily becoming an item, if that would make him happy. She doubted it, though.

*

Christmas break was a welcome distraction. At least Raven could listen to her music while being at home, and she knew her mother always had an open ear for all of her problems. Even if she admitted being hopelessly in love with Severus Snape.

Nigella Lestrange smiled and hugged her daughter, running a gentle hand through her hair. "Darling, I think your Sev is an intelligent young man, so he will come to his senses one day and see what a wonderful young witch you are. But real love takes time, my dear, and you are both still very young..."

_...and yet you have grown so much_, Nigella couldn't help realizing. It seemed just like yesterday that Raven was a tiny human bundle in her arms, and now her little girl was in love for the first time. Oh, she knew about Miguel, Raven's summer flirt, and that they had kissed, but this was different. Probably it would end in a heartbreak, just like most teenage crushes did. One day the kids were head over heels in love, the next they were nearly dying from lovesickness, and just another day later there was someone new and exciting in their life, and they were even more in love...

Nigella wished she could spare her daughter all the heartbreak she would have to endure, but she knew she couldn't. Raven would have to make her own experiences, and this wild and emotionally unstable phase belonged to life; it would form her.

So she turned a lenient ear to the sound of glam rock that echoed through the house whenever Raven was feeling down. Chris arched a quizzical brow at her, but she took his hand in hers and reminded him that he had been young, too.

*

Raven was glad that her parents didn't pester her with common phrases like 'there are plenty more fish in the sea' or other, equally absurd terms of parental sapience. They just let her be but were always there for her whenever she felt the need to talk.

School started again in January, and in January were also the birthdays of her two best friends. It was pleasant to hang around with them again. For the first time in weeks there was no subliminal tension caused by teenage hormones on a rampage, everyone was cheerful. Raven took pictures of both events with her Muggle camera- she didn't like people waving and cheering in pictures, as it was common in the wizarding world; she preferred to capture a scene in all its perfection, even if it wasn't perfect. There was more _truth_ in an immobile picture... a moment of time frozen for all eternity.

And while other kids of her age dreamed about becoming a healer, curse-breaker or Auror, she wanted to become a photographer for Melody Maker or any other music magazine, because then she could go to every concert she liked.

Although Lily thought her a tad weird- _why would a decent witch choose a profession in the Muggle world when the wizarding world held so many more interesting chances?_- their friendship was still strong. Until February and bloody Valentine's day came. All of a sudden, the older students started to act like imbeciles, frantically looking for the most appropriate date to go to Hogsmeade.

If Severus had believed they would go together like they usually did, he stood corrected when Lily suddenly proclaimed that she already had a date; she would be going to Hogsmeade with Marvin Bode, the Hufflepuff keeper.

One might think now that she hadn't learned anything from her previous date-fiasco with another popular Quidditch player, but she insisted that there were worlds between Marvin Bode and Ewan McFarlan. At least, Marvin had better marks and wasn't talking about Quidditch all the time, therefore he must be intelligent. Also, he was so much cuter, she confessed, not realising how much her thoughtless statement hurt Severus.

Raven would have loved to throttle her. Was Lily really so blind to not get what she meant to Severus? Or had popularity taken its toll on her, that she just didn't care?

Of course, Severus was not as commonly handsome as all the pretty boys Lily liked, but he was unique- and he had the most amazing eyes.

"You know, Sev, _we_ could go to Hogsmeade together," she suggested, after Lily had shattered his plans for the weekend.

He barely glanced at her as he mumbled, "Sure, why not."

Although he sounded quite the opposite of enthusiastic, Raven liked to believe she had an actual _date_ for Valentine's Day.

*

It was a cold day; the ground was still covered with snow and the sun shone from a pale blue sky. The students were wrapped in their warmest robes, wearing scarves, gloves or muffs; their hats were pulled down slightly to shade their eyes. Severus pulled his own hat down even more upon spotting Raven approaching him, because the sight of her blinded his eyes more than the snow reflecting the sunshine.

Lestrange wore something that resembled an orange flokati rug, colourfully striped gloves, and some over-large, green sunglasses. Totally unaffected by the stares or jeers of the other students, she held her head up high as she took his side, smiling at him. Without doubt she was dressed in the latest Muggle fashion, but people here at Hogwarts looked at her as if she had just appeared from outer space. Well, she really didn't seem to _belong_ to the wizarding world- and yet, he somewhat admired her poise, knowing she was quite a bright young witch. And Merlin, she's got some nerve! In times when everybody was carefully trying to hide their Muggle or even half-blood parentage, she didn't shy from showing off with it.

Severus cast a quick glance at Professor McGonagall, hoping she would stop Lestrange from strolling through Hogsmeade in her ridiculous Muggle clothes, but he noticed the professor was only frowning to hide a smirk.

_Gryffindors!_ They always knew how to embarrass Slytherins! Was there still time to bolt up the stairs to the library? But no, Lestrange had already grabbed his arm and was leading him towards the village, babbling about one of her Muggle music groups.

*

Someone was watching that scene and listening to the following conversation- or, more precisely, to Lestrange's words- with fascination, although the person in question would have rather lived a lifetime of celibacy than admit even the slightest interest in a Slytherin girl.

*

The thing Raven liked most about Hogsmeade was that there was no danger of spending much money in the village. Zonko's joke shop was highly overrated; she wasn't keen on magical sweets; she didn't fancy wizardwear, and Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop failed to pique her interest either- Raven always made a mess of herself if writing with a quill. So she saved a lot of galleons that other kids would have wasted here, thinking it the height of cool to buy Dungbombs, Nose-Biting Teacups or Belch Powder. She, however, preferred to spend her pocket money on records.

After all, she was living in the Seventies, in the most exciting decade of the 20th century! It was beyond her that, on the one hand, magic was such a powerful, wonderful thing, and yet the wizarding world was technically not more developed than the medieval times- although it had come up with Nose-Biting Teacups of all the things the world didn't need. And it bugged her tremendously that she couldn't listen to her records at Hogwarts, simply because she couldn't play them without a record player, and sadly that wonderful achievement of Muggle technology was in contradiction with the ancient magic of the castle. But at least they had Nose-Biting Teacups.

Being a witch was maddeningly annoying sometimes! And even more so when the boy she fancied didn't seem to give a damn about her, but was clandestinely looking out for Lily, who was on a date with Marvin Bode.

It occurred to her that Severus had merely accepted her proposal of going to Hogsmeade together because it was so much easier for him to spy on Lily and Marvin with a girl at his side. Now, that was Slytherin attitude at its best.

They were on their way to Madam Puddifoot's when suddenly they heard a group of students leaving the teashop. A girl was complaining loudly.

"But James, why did we have to leave so soon? It was so cosy in there."

"The Three Broomsticks is more fun," Potter replied.

"It is," Sirius Black agreed.

Wondering if the two Gryffindors were even inseparable when going on a date, Raven grabbed Severus' arm and pulled him into the mouth of a tiny alley. She really wasn't keen on having a fight with those bullies now.

Severus struggled because hiding was for cowards and besides, it was nigh impossible to hide anyway. Not with Lestrange's ridiculously orange coat screaming for attention against the pure whiteness of the snow.

"I just don't get it!" Potter grumbled as he walked past Severus and Raven without noticing them. "He's just a mediocre Quidditch player- he couldn't hold a single one of my Quaffles in the last match. What does she see in Bode?"

"Dunno, mate. Girls are difficult."

That statement didn't seem to sit too well with the two girls accompanying them- Sarah Audrey and Patricia Goshawk- who were looking quite sullen. Apparently, they had expected more from going on a date with Gryffindor's hottest boys.

Sarah elbowed Black..

"Ouch! What's up, pet?"

"You asked me on a date. This isn't precisely what I'd call a date," she nagged him. "I thought you wanted to spend some time alone with me."

"But I do, sweet Sarah- honestly."

"Then why are they following us around all the time?" She pointed over her shoulder to Lupin and Pettigrew, who were indeed following the two lovely couples.

Raven could hardly restrain herself from snickering. Poor Sarah- not that she really pitied her, but she could imagine just how much it must suck to go on a date and have Pettigrew of all people lurking in the background, watching everything with his bulbous watery, greedy eyes. He really was a creepy guy.

Involuntarily she shivered, and then she tried to focus on the here and now. Only to shiver again- this time, however, it wasn't with disgust. Quite the opposite, actually. She had just realized how close she was standing to Severus. Raven could sense his warmth, smell his scent- it was somewhat spicy- and all of a sudden she was feeling very light-headed, as if she had swallowed a flock of tiny little dragons that were unfolding their wings in her stomach, breathing fire.

Alas, he moved a step away from her and scowled.

"What was that?" He demanded.

"Just some Gryffindors on a bad date," Raven mumbled absent-mindedly.

His frown deepened. "Yes, I realized that, too, you idiot girl. But why didn't they notice us? After all, that absurd orange fur of yours isn't really unobtrusive."

"Well," the dragons stopped fluttering, tumbled down and stopped breathing, but she shrugged as if she wasn't hurt, "the _idiot girl_ made them not notice us."

"It didn't feel like a Disillusionment Charm."

"Yeah, 'cause it wasn't. Damn, I don't even know if it is a spell, or a charm, or something that simply happens, but it still comes in handy."

"Ah, your little... _trick_," he nodded insightfully, remembering that day at the lake when they had first talked about her ability to just disappear from sight. Severus eyed her with curiosity now.

Raven wished there would be more in his glance than purely academic interest, that he would finally come to realize she wasn't an uncomely girl.

"I had no idea you could expand it to others."

"Me neither." There was no explanation, no incantation. By trying to avoid another one of those stupid fights with the Gryffindorks, she must have drawn him into her private sphere, and therefore into her big pink bubblegum bubble. It was unintentional magic- or, at least it had been when it had started, since she had control over it now.

Severus proceeded towards Madam Puddifoot's then, and Raven followed in his wake. He stopped in front of the teashop but didn't enter. Instead, he glanced through the window at the incredibly cheesy decoration. Golden cherubs were throwing pink, heart-shaped confetti at young lovers. What others considered romantic only elicited a sneer from him. His face fell even more upon spotting Lily and Bode sitting much too close for his liking, and they were holding hands.

It pained Raven almost physically to watch him watching Lily, and it didn't take long until she grew tired of witnessing his apparent misery. She took a deep breath. Although it wasn't an easy situation for her, either, she decided that wailing was definitely not a solution now.

"Alright," she said, trying to sound as resolutely as possible, "let's give this madness an analytic approach. You like Lily Evans and can't stand to not know what she is doing with Marvin Bode, but watching them makes it all worse. So this leaves two- no, actually three- options. First, and that isn't my favourite choice, you stay rooted to the spot, pining for her. You must admit that that's rather pathetic. Second, we could leave and have a drink elsewhere. Third, we simply walk in there, sit down, order a nice cup of tea and then start snogging madly."

Severus eyes widened, and Raven had to admit that point three was quite a bold suggestion. But while her heart sank under his scrutinizing stare, she faked a smile, playing it down.

"I mean, for spying purpose only. You can't just walk into frill heaven and observe them while everybody else in there is on a romantic overdose. It wouldn't be unobtrusive, you know."

*

Severus had no clue what to make of her words. His eyes raked all over her face, searching for hints. He could tell she was hiding something, but also that she had figured him out. Lestrange _knew_ what he felt for Lily.

For a short moment he felt exposed, even vulnerable... and he didn't like that at all, given that usually, he was quite good at hiding his feelings. Severus wasn't certain he could _trust_ her with that knowledge, because he rarely trusted anyone- on the other hand, she had become quite a good friend, although he definitely had never encouraged her.

He straightened his shoulders in an attempt to loom over her in a threatening way, and came to realize it didn't have the desired effect, for she met his glare with- big blue eyes. Dauntless eyes. Even the looming didn't seem to work any more, given that she must have made a growth spurt in recent years and was standing almost as tall as he. It was mightily annoying.

"You know," Severus drawled silkily, "there is a fourth option: I could still hex you into next year."

"I know," Lestrange replied with an almost innocent smile- considering that mere moments ago, she had suggested to snog him madly. "But wouldn't it be so much nicer to get out of the cold and have a warm drink somewhere?"

It was her logic that undid him. Always so simple, so easy. He cast a last, longing glance at Lily holding hands with Bode. Knowing he couldn't do anything about them, no matter how long he stayed and watched them. In the end, Raven was right. And somewhere deep down in his heart he knew that he could trust Lestrange, although he most definitely didn't want to talk about his affection for Lily Evans.

Fortunately, Lestrange didn't insist on pestering him with mindless questions as they walked back the road until they were on High Street again.

*

The Three Broomsticks looked inviting; a warm light shone from its windows, illuminating patches of snow. But as soon as they opened the door, the two Slytherins recalled why this was not basically a friendly place.

"Oi! Isn't that Snivellus over there?" Raven heard someone call out, and she spotted Potter; he sounded bored and ready for mischief, which was always a hazardous combination. Especially when he was surrounded by his friends.

They were sitting at a table close to the bar, and apparently the outcome of their dates had gone wrong, since there were no girls with them anymore. Sarah and Patricia must have left due to obvious reasons.

"Blimey! Can you believe they let that greasy oddball out to pollute the streets of this lovely town? We have to give an oil-pest warning to the people."

As usual, the one who laughed the loudest was Pettigrew- who would have been shunned by his peers just as easily, given that he wasn't the most agreeable specimen of human kind to behold either. But he was a Gryffindor and part of that infernal quartet.

"Come on, Sev, we really don't need that," Raven said as she placatory tugged at the hem of his sleeves, urging him to leave. They could still have a drink elsewhere.

Perhaps he would have agreed to avoid a confrontation with these gits, if only they had let it be. But when Severus sensed a hex coming his way, he whirled around and brandished his wand at his nemesis. Sparks were shooting up in the air.

"No hexing in my place!" Madam Rosmerta cried out as she stepped from behind the counter, holding her wand in a tight grip. She was a fierce witch, and she wouldn't allow any brawl in her bar. "Any violations of my policy will result in a lifetime ban from this house!"

Sirius Black ceased fire then- he had a very soft spot for Madam Rosmerta- and Raven and Severus were almost already out the door, when all of a sudden Peter Pettigrew sent a _Tarantallegra_ spell after them.

Severus blocked it just as easily. Then the door of the Three Broomsticks closed behind him, but Raven could hear the sharp splintering of wood as if someone had just crashed into a table.

"Oh, you stupid, stupid boy!" Madam Rosmerta cried loudly.

"My feet! My feet!" Pettigrew wailed.

"Snivellus will pay for that!" Potter yelled with grim determination. He tried to rally his fellows to go after Severus, but that merely ended in causing even more havoc. Again the sound of splintering wood was to be heard. Some of the other patrons started to shout angrily at the four Gryffindor boys, who seemed to behave like a bull in a china shop while moaning in obvious distress.

Raven cocked an inquisitive brow at her friend as they leisurely walked away from the Three Broomsticks. If he had hexed them, it must have been non-verbally.

"Just a little jinx," he said with a smug grin on his face.

"Well, I daresay it's bloody effective," she smiled mischievously, "after all, they're not following us."

"Mightily unlikely with toenails the size of Hippogriff talons and still growing."

"Brilliant! Never heard of that jinx."

"I created it," Severus mumbled almost inaudible, although he was quite proud it had worked so well. Now those four Gryffindor buggers would need new shoes.

Raven stopped, hugged him briefly, and laughed out loud; totally enthused by his skills. He was so cool, so very clever. "Is there any chance you might show me how to do that?"

*

"Maybe." Severus pondered her request like any true Slytherin would, weighing the pros and cons. Lestrange knew he fancied Lily Evans, a _Mudblood_, therefore it would be beneficial to consider her interest in his spells- just to give her something in exchange for not blurting out his secret.

On the other hand, that was not the way Lestrange ticked. True, she was a Slytherin, and as a true Slytherin she definitely had a devious streak; she was also somewhat ambitious. But she seemed to be immune to the power struggles within their house, and she didn't give a damn about gaining recognition among her peers. All in all, Raven Lestrange was... actually quite a good and loyal friend.

He frowned upon realizing that, casting her a sidelong glance. As usual, she was smiling at him.

They walked back down High Street. There was only one more place they could go for a drink, and that was The Hog's Head at the outskirts of the village.

A worn-out wooden sign hung over the door, showing the severed head of a wild boar leaking blood. The windows were nearly blind with dirt, and when the door opened to let people in or out, the strong smell of goats swept over the street.

It was an old establishment, rarely visited by Hogwarts students, although it was cheap. But it was also quite shabby, and together with cheap, that often attracted an _interesting_ clientèle.

The first thing Severus saw upon opening the door were a couple of goats running around the sawdust-covered floor of the inn. Then he spotted Lucius Malfoy sitting at a table with Mulciber and Avery- two boys from his own house- and two other blokes he wasn't familiar with. They were older and much better dressed than the odd Hogwarts student.

_What is Lucius Malfoy of all people doing in such a shabby establishment? _Severus wondered, watching him chatting amiably with his house mates as if they were really close. He also noticed from the corners of his eyes that Lestrange was somewhat retreating, taking step after step backwards in an attempt to hide behind his pathetically scrawny form.

"Alright, I think I'd better return to the castle now," she whispered and turned to leave, but he stopped her by grabbing her arm, arching a brow at her.

"What's wrong now?"

"Rodolphus and Rabastan Lestrange. My not-cousins. You know, Sev, I really don't want to have to come up with a story about my imaginative great-great-great-grand uncle- let's call him Hieronymus- the triple-removed cousin of their great-great-great-grandfather, who emigrated to Papua New Guinea in the beginning of the last century, just to find an explanation of why my name is nowhere to be found on their prodigious family tree."

Of course, she was a half-blood just like him. The child of a Muggle stage magician and a witch, and therefore she was definitely not related to _them_, but she knew quite well how much a perfect bloodline mattered in the Slytherin world. Or how easily one was being called a blood traitor due to an imperfect bloodline...

"Doesn't it bother you?"

"What precisely, Sev?"

"That your dad's a Muggle."

She flashed him an incredulous glance. "No. Not at all. I mean- why should I bother? I love my dad and I don't care about that pure-blood nonsense. It doesn't matter. Both worlds have their assets and drawbacks; I wouldn't want to choose only one and turn a blind eye to the other."

"But-" Severus interjected, then he heard Lucius Malfoy's silky drawl coming from right behind him.

"Hello, Snape."

"Malfoy!" Severus whirled around, glancing at the impressive figure of his former house-mate and head boy of Slytherin, dressed in the finest robes available in the wizarding world, his long hair sleek and shiny. He was every inch a respectable pure-blood, an outstanding personality.

"Please excuse me," Raven muttered as she turned and walked away, slowly, with her head held high.

"Wasn't that the little Lestrange girl?" Lucius asked, staring after her retreating figure; a bright orange blot in the winterly landscape. "She is wearing quite... _interesting_ robes."

_Should I fill him in that she is dressed in the latest Muggle fashion,_ Severus wondered sardonically, but decided against it.

"I am pleased you're finally making friends in your own house, Snape. I know, I know, the Sorting Hat promotes the unity of Hogwarts, and Dumbledore is a Muggle-loving fool," Lucius sneered, "but we shall never forget the memory of Salazar Slytherin, the only one of the founders who dared to stick to the old ways of our race."

"Um..." A little dumbstruck, Severus was pondering about the right words to say now. Of course, Lucius Malfoy was right. Everybody in Slytherin house would agree to that- well, everybody but Raven Lestrange. She always seemed to favour a more _modern_ approach to everything. Somehow he was glad that the rebellious chit had left already, because here was his chance for recognition within Slytherin house.

"I heard you gained Slytherin a fair amount of points due to your academic work," Lucius continued, "and you have quite a deft hand with potions. Splendid." He wrapped a patronising arm around the younger one's shoulder. "Why don't you come inside, young man. Please be so kind and allow me the pleasure to invite you for a drink. I would like you to meet some friends of mine."

Severus was flattered. After all, Lucius Malfoy, _the_ model Slytherin and former Head Boy was paying attention to a lowly half-blood. So he let himself be lured inside the tavern, where he got introduced to Rodolphus and Rabastan Lestrange, two very prominent members of wizarding society.

A mere minute later, a pint of Butterbeer was sitting right in front of him, and Lucius Malfoy assured him in his sophisticated drawl that he was definitely on the right path- whatever that meant. Then, he made quite an interesting proposal. Severus listened closely.

_Thanks to Alabaster Princess and hypnotic ink for beta reading, all remaining mistakes are mine._

_Feedback is always welcome and very much appreciated. _


	9. White Wedding

Chapter 9

Severus startled at the loud _crack_ of Apparition that seemed to thunder through his room, then he stared in utter disbelief at the strange creature standing next to his bed. It was short, not more than two feet tall, with large bat-like ears, enormous green eyes, and wrinkled skin. A tuft of wiry grey hair crowned its head. It was a house-elf.

He knew them from school; they worked in the kitchens and cleaned the common rooms. However, Severus had never been eye to eye with one yet.

Fortunately his father wasn't at home. He'd throw a tantrum if he ever found a magical creature within his house. Tobias Snape didn't like magic much. Well, to be honest, he didn't like anything much- except for his booze.

The house-elf bowed deeply, glanced around the room and wrinkled its long nose with disdain. Apparently it reeked of Muggle in here. Then it thwacked its head on the linoleum floor once, before speaking in a squeaky voice.

"Master sends this to lowly scum-" the house-elf banged its head against the wooden frame of Severus' bed now, "to his dear friend."

Producing a parcel from out of nowhere, the elf placed it next to Severus and waited for him to open it.

"Um... thank you."

"Tufty lives to serve."

As Severus opened the parcel, his glance fell briefly on a book sitting beside his bed. A Muggle book about a fictional world called Middle-earth, where elves differed so totally from what was reality in the wizarding world, that only a Muggle could have come up with such a fair, noble and highly sophisticated folk... and call them _elves_. He wouldn't have read that nonsense, if Lestrange hadn't insisted, thinking it a masterpiece of literature.

The parcel contained dress robes of the finest quality. Severus swallowed hard. First, he thought about not accepting this gift because he was not a charity case. He'd tell Tufty to stuff them up its wrinkled arse and take them back to Lucius. Then he reconsidered it and reminded himself that he could hardly go to Lucius Malfoy's wedding wearing his school robes. The Malfoys were one of the richest and most respectable pure-blood families, and it always made him dizzy with wonder, bringing the fact to mind that Lucius had invited him- a half-blood from a lousy, low-class family.

It was a privilege to receive an invitation. All the really influential people would be there, and Severus wouldn't waste his chance because he was too proud to accept a well-meant gift. To hell with dignity! He wanted to belong to the wizarding society, he wanted to have a better life, fame and fortune and all such things. If only he met the right people and proved himself worthy, if he became important and gained some influence, then Lily would look at him with different eyes.

Also, _HE_ might be there. The very person that even Lucius Malfoy spoke about with awe, full of respect and adoration. A mighty wizard known by the name Lord Voldemort, who wanted to revolutionize the wizarding word. He claimed that the wizarding race was superior to Muggles, and Severus agreed to that statement. Thinking of his father, then this Voldemort guy was definitely right, and besides, he hadn't met a decent Muggle yet. Well, Lily's parents were quite nice, but her sister Tuney was a real pain in the ass.

Severus got dressed. There was no mirror in his room, nevertheless he knew he looked decent enough because the dress robe was the finest thing he had every worn. Black velvet with dark green trimmings at the cuffs, the collar and the hem, and the clasps had the shape of little snakes, gleaming silvery even in the dim twilight of his room.

"You is ready finally?" Tufty spoke in his squeaky voice. "Hurry, hurry, half-blood."

The house-elf touched his robes and an instant later the world began to spin. Severus saw his room blur into nothingness and he felt an unpleasant squeezing sensation as if he was being sent through some sort of a tube; it reminded him of the Side-Along Apparition his mother used when she took him to Diagon Alley to buy his school supplies.

With a loud crack they re-materialized in a park- no, it was actually a garden, Severus realized; a very large garden. There were arcades of white roses, and boxwood manicured to look like dragons; there were sparkling fountains and columned marble pavilions. Wizards and witches wearing their finest robes were strolling all around.

"Master, Tufty brings half-blood wedding guest," the house-elf said and Severus whirled around to find himself face to face with Lucius Malfoy. Fortunately he remembered just in time to shut his gaping mouth since he did not want to appear like an awe-stuck fool. It was hard though, because he had just spotted the grandiose manor house towering behind Lucius. Also, Lucius was dressed in light silvery grey robes that were glimmering with diamonds, looking rather impressive.

Malfoy had been talking to two elderly wizards before Tufty had interrupted him. Now he kicked the house-elf and hissed, "make yourself useful, you lazy creature," while smiling politely at his newly arrived guest.

"Severus! I'm glad you could make it. Please meet my father, Abraxas Malfoy, and my father-in-law, Cygnus Black. Father, Cygnus, may I introduce Severus Snape to you? He is a very promising young Slytherin."

"Pleased to meet you," Severus said and managed to sound only a tad awkward. He blushed with shame, though, wishing for the ground to open up and swallow him because he had no clue about the proper demeanour in the presence of two so very distinguished pure-bloods. After all, Lucius' father was very high up in the ranks of the Ministry and the Blacks were considered wizarding royalty.

"Snape." Mr Black scrutinized him from head to toe, and Severus knew that the older wizard was just recalling a whole forest of family trees in his mind's eye without ever finding a _Snape_ in any of them. His tainted blood was rushing to his cheeks again.

"My mother is a Prince," Severus blurted out.

"Ah, a little half-blood." The hand, that Black was about to reach out in a welcoming gesture, was withdrawn as though he feared he would soil it by touching a half-blood. "Well then, Mr Snape, you will be delighted to find many of your house mates here."

He knew when he was being dismissed. Severus took a deep breath and walked away to take a closer look at his surroundings. So that was how pure-bloods lived. Compared to Malfoy Manor, his own home appeared like a kennel, a dunghill even amongst Muggles. He felt strangely aware of his robes- although they were the finest he had ever worn, they still seemed plain when he glanced at the other wedding guests and their festive attire adorned with sparkling gemstones. Severus didn't know any of them, but some faces looked slightly familiar to him; he realized he must have seen their pictures in the _Daily Prophet. _There were Ministry officials and famous Quidditch players, and there was- Severus stood rooted to the spot- Sirius Black!

What the fuck was _he_ doing here? James-bloody-Potter's best mate and one quarter of the infernal Gryffindor gang that made his life a hell at Hogwarts. Where were his blasted cronies?

"Snivellus!"

His nemesis noticed him the very same moment Severus spotted him. Almost instinctively, Severus' fingers reached for his wand and tightened around it, ready to strike back should the necessity arise.

"Black," he hissed.

The pretty boy wasn't looking quite as arrogant as he usually did, and that made Severus grin ever so slightly. Without the backup of his fellow Gryffindor miscreants, Sirius Black was still a git but not a threat- actually, he even appeared a tad lost. And the best was yet to come.

"SIRIUS!" A witch shrieked.

Black's shoulders seemed to slump when- like a harridan let loose- said witch came hurrying over to painfully twist her wayward offspring' ear.

She must have been rather pretty once, and there were still traces of the trademark good looks of the Blacks visible in her features, although her face was contorted with anger. It was so priceless to witness Sirius Black being chastised by his mother, that Severus almost cheered for her.

Walburga Black dragged her eldest son away before he could hex anyone out of pure spite or momentary boredom. Then she screamed, "Kreacher!"

An aged house-elf with watery grey eyes and a snout-like nose popped up from out of thin air. It bowed to kiss the hem of his mistress' very elegant dress robes. "Dear mistress called? How can Kreacher serve dear mistress?"

Unlike other house-elves, this one had a deep bullfrog voice.

"Stay with... _him_." Mrs Black pointed disgustedly at Sirius. "Oh woe is me for all the pain I endured by delivering this useless scum. What a shame! He isn't worthy to be called my son! Keep a sharp eye on him and make certain he behaves accordingly to his upbringing! Don't let him embarrass the noble house of Black with his quirks!"

"Poor Kreacher," Regulus Black commented that scene, turning back to his house mates. Those who had expected a fight were looking slightly disappointed now.

"You pity a house-elf for doing his duty?" A burly, dirty-blond haired bloke asked incredulously.

"Wilkes, if his duty has to do with babysitting my Gryffindork brother, then- yes." Regulus replied smugly, and some of his comrades even laughed about that. But the fact was, he liked Kreacher. The old house-elf was not only a loyal servant, he had also become a trusted confidant ever since Sirius' rebellious streak had driven a wedge between the two brothers. Nevertheless, Regulus would never admit how much he sometimes missed his older brother...

"Well, a little duel would have been to my liking," another Slytherin said. "After all, it was just Snape..."

The Slytherin boys chuckled- Severus wasn't very popular among his peers- but all of a sudden Avery interjected, "Mates, let him be. You know what Lucius said."

"Yeah, but only because he's supposed to help us pass our OWLs doesn't mean we have to like him, do we? Besides, methinks Malfoy is losing it. Can you believe he actually put an age-restriction ban on Firewhiskey?"

The boys laughed hard at that complaint. Evan Rosier pointed out scathingly that Lucius Malfoy must have had very good reasons for banning Firewhiskey, knowing Mulciber was invited. "...after all, he wants to wed today! I doubt he's keen on drunken boys spoiling the ceremony because they can't hold their drinks."

His statement led to an animated discussion between the elder and the younger Slytherins, but their casual banter ended when Snape joined the group.

Severus knew they had been talking about him. He was still the outsider in Slytherin house, no matter that Lucius had arranged some sort of friendship between him, Avery and Mulciber. It merely served the purpose that those pure-blooded sluggards were to get a chance to pass their OWLs, although he wouldn't even call them his new study partners since it wasn't required of _them_ that they studied hard- no, all they had to do was to copy Severus' essays. Or, to be more precise, most of the time he copied his essays for them because they were too busy with other things. It was tedious work until somehow, very mysteriously, a Quick-Quotes Quill had found its way into his possession. He suspected it was Lestrange's doing, but he had no proof for this assumption and she was quite good at feigning innocence.

He also had no clue as to why Lucius had taken such an interest in him. Of course, he had the best grades in his year- but that still didn't explain why he was here at Malfoy's wedding. The smug smile, caused by having witnessed Sirius Black being henpecked by his mother, faded from his features as he joined his house mates.

Avery patted his shoulder in an attempt to make him feel welcome, and the younger Black made a polite comment about his dress robes. Severus didn't know what to reply since he wasn't very good at socializing or engaging himself in mindless small-talk.

Waiters in neat uniforms of silvery grey silk adorned with sapphires hurried past, offering refreshing drinks from trays that were hovering in the air. His house mates helped themselves to the champagne, but Severus didn't like to drink alcohol- the smell of it reminded him of his father- and that made him an outsider once again.

As time dragged on and everyone was waiting for the ceremony to begin, the temperature was rising above thirty degrees in the shade. This summer had been unusually hot so far and today wasn't any different. Soon the sweat was tickling down Severus' neck and his initial sense of delight about his new dress robes seemed to wane more and more as he realized that black velvet was probably not the best choice to wear on a hot summer day. But he didn't want to complain either. No matter how sweaty and uncomfortable he was feeling, he was still glad that Lucius had presented him with a fine dress robe- and at long last he remembered that casting a cooling charm would be quite helpful indeed.

His house mates were talking about Lord Voldemort now, not hiding their excitement that he might show up here today. Severus listened with interest. Finally, it wasn't all hints and allusions, whispered words that died the moment he entered the Slytherin common room. Today, they spoke openly about the Dark Lord- as they called him- and his Death Eaters; a political group they all seemed eager to join once they left school.

Although Severus had never cared much about politics, the Dark Lords agenda made sense to him-the world would definitely be a much better place if wizards were to rule over Muggles.

"What about you, Snape?" Rosier asked suddenly.

Severus considered the question, carefully weighing his words. Quite frankly, he didn't know if he wanted to join the ranks of a wizard he hadn't even met yet, but fortunately, he was spared to give an answer when that very moment a magically amplified voice rang over the place, announcing that the ceremony was about to begin. Everybody was to take their seats.

He followed his house mates to the far side of the garden (they seemed to know their way around here quite well) and then stood rooted to the spot when he saw what looked like a Roman amphitheatre to him. Rows of benches made of pure white marble led in a semicircle down to a dais decorated with white flowers: roses, lilies and orchids.

Above the amphitheatre was a tented roof of white canvas to provide shade, and it was indeed a pleasure to get out of the sun. Surreptitiously, Severus wiped his sweaty brows with the sleeve of his robe before looking for his seat. Of course there was a strict seating plan, and of course the front rows were reserved for family and friends, or for people that were otherwise highly esteemed in wizarding society. Even the Minister for Magic was there!

While his fellow Slytherins went to sit with their families somewhere further down, Severus called himself lucky to be invited at all and satisfied himself with a seat in the last row. It wasn't that bad, he told himself, at least he could watch everything from high above.

Heaving a sigh he sat down next to an elderly couple. The witch was overweighted, overdressed and wore tons of jewellery. Her husband looked like a stick-figure in comparison to her, for he was as thin as she was fat. And while she had her hair piled up in an extravagant tower of blond ridiculousness, his bald head showed the first signs of a bad sunburn.

_A simple ointment of Aloe and Murtlap essence might help_, he thought while an invisible orchestra started playing the wedding march, and everybody was suddenly very excited to catch a first glance of the bride. 'Ahs' and 'ohs' erupted from the audience when Narcissa made her appearance.

Cygnus Black couldn't have been prouder than he was this very moment as he walked his beautiful daughter down the aisle, following in the wake of two dozen domesticated fairies throwing pure white petals and glittering dust.

Although Narcissa wasn't the first daughter he gave away, and his Bellatrix had been a stunning bride, too, today was special nevertheless. He had his hopes up high that- finally- he would get to see the birth of a new generation, young wizards and witches to carry on the noble bloodline of his ancestors.

He had found decent matches for both of his daughters. The Lestranges were a well-esteemed wizarding family with a family tree that went back to the seventeenth century (just like his own), and the Malfoys- although they weren't ancient nobility- were of pure blood and extremely rich. Cygnus Black was a lucky man for having wed his daughters so successfully... if only- well, he was a bit disappointed that his eldest had not given him a grandchild yet. Of course he was proud that she was politically involved and had become a loyal follower of Lord Voldemort- whose ideas he absolutely shared, mind, he wasn't complaining about that. But a witch's place should be at her husband's side, and she ought to be content with fulfilling her role in her husband's bedroom instead of drooling over every word the Dark Lord spoke.

Fortunately, his little Cissy was different. She had always been the gentler of the two sisters, not as wild and impetuous as Bella. She would be a good wife to Lucius Malfoy and not forget her place; she would bless her husband with an heir. And then Cygnus Black would finally be able to hold his first grandchild in his arms.

If Cygnus Black hadn't been such a narrow-minded supremacist, he would have known that he was already grandfather- but he had blasted his second daughter's name off the family tree and wished not to be reminded of the scandal Andromeda had caused by running away with a Mudblood, a Muggleborn wizard. Therefore he was not aware of his little grand-daughter.

Severus didn't even realize he was holding his breath, but Narcissa looked so absolutely stunning that he was probably not the only one who forgot to breathe at her sight. Lucius was such a lucky devil!

Narcissa was wearing a pretty white dress made of silk and lace, not too posh and not too plain either, but it accentuated her slender figure quite nicely. Her lovely blond hair fell in curly cascades over her bare shoulders, while her her face was hidden behind a thin veil.

He watched the bride walking down the aisle at the arm of her proud father, eager to join her groom. Although this marriage was arranged, Lucius had nevertheless managed to win dear Narcissa's heart and was madly in love with her. And while the ministry official held a very long speech about the nature of marriage, Severus started daydreaming...

_He saw himself standing in Lucius' place, and _his_ bride was walked up to him. Cygnus Black's face morphed into the features of John Evans leading a veiled beauty up to him. Upon lifting her veil, cascades of long, dark red hair were sparkling like fire in the sunshine, and her emerald eyes were looking at him in adoration as she softly spoke her vows of love, making him the happiest person on earth..._

_Lily_!

There would never be another witch for him.

His reverie was interrupted by the loud cheers of the audience as Lucius and Narcissa finally exchanged their vows, and a shower of silvery stars was raining down on their entwined hands.

Then they kissed, and everybody clapped their hands. Another union between two pure-blood families was successfully sealed, another bond woven.

Meanwhile, the fair-weather clouds were getting denser and darker; an eerie greenish gloom was in the air. The crowd didn't seem to notice. They were queuing to offer their best wishes to the newly wed couple, and so did Severus.

The humidity increased. By the time Severus was finally standing in front of Lucius and Narcissa to stammer his congratulation, he looked rather dishevelled. His face was sweaty with red blotches, due to the heat, and his lanky hair was glued to his skull. He knew he was a mess. Nevertheless, Narcissa smiled kindly and told him it was a pleasure to have him here. Lucius nodded confirmatory.

After the reception, the sound of music rang from yet another part of the vast garden. Severus had already spotted the dance floor before he'd run into Sirius Black; it was also made of white marble. Next to it was another pavilion for the orchestra. Columns carried an arched roof on which statues of magical beasts sat. Their eyes were shining as brightly as Muggle spotlights in a discotheque, illuminating the dance floor.

Lucius and Narcissa danced their first waltz as newly wed couple. It looked very graceful, almost effortless to Severus, who chose to remain in the background when by and by some other couples joined them on the dance floor. Of course he knew his behaviour was somewhat ridiculous, since none of the wedding guests would have asked him for a dance anyway, therefore he was in no danger of making a fool of himself. Or having to admit that he wasn't as versed in the fine art of ballroom dances as some of his house mates were. Well, actually, he didn't know how to dance at all...

"Hello, Snape," Regulus Black piped up next to him, so Severus turned his head to see what the boy might be wanting. They weren't chummy. In fact, Severus couldn't even remember to ever have talked to Regulus, who strongly believed in the supremacy of his blood and was probably just as arrogant as his older brother.

"_He_'s there," Regulus whispered, pointing to a group of wizards that were standing in a remote corner offside the festivities. It looked like a secret gathering.

Of course, Lucius stood out in his shimmering silver-grey robes, but so did also another wizard, although he was clad in black. That one was tall and thin. It wasn't his built, though, that made Severus stare at him; it was his... _air_. He radiated power.

"The Dark Lord." Regulus breathed, full of awe. Needless to say that that was a rather pointless statement since Severus had already figured out that much.

In silent agreement, the two boys moved closer to the group of wizards around Lord Voldemort, like a pair of moths attracted to light. They couldn't hear what they were talking about, but all of a sudden the Dark Lord was looking at him, although Severus hadn't noticed him move or even turn his head.

His instincts told him to run, but he didn't. Instead, he stood rooted to the spot like a deer caught in the headlight. Gaunt skin was stretched over a skull that was only vaguely human, and yet Voldemort's facial bones showed signs of former attractiveness. Now, however, it looked more like a mask- as if his flesh had melted and formed a new structure without bothering to keep to the rules of nature. His nose was as flat as those of a serpent, is lips were practically non-existent... and therefore even more disturbing when they twitched ever so slightly into the cruel perversion of a smile. It was unnerving. But what held Severus truly transfixed were his eyes. There was something snakelike about the Dark Lord's eyes- and the way he was looking not only _at_ him but deeper, more like looking _inside_ him, made him feel vulnerable and strangely exposed. As if those bloodshot eyes, shining with cold intelligence, knew all about him and what was going on in his head.

Severus averted his gaze. Involuntarily, he shuddered- but on the other hand he was still utterly fascinated by the Dark Lord's magical power.

"Ah, the young ones," Voldemort's voice almost chilled him to the bone. It was as cold as his eyes, a high-pitched hiss. "Lucius, don't you want to introduce me?"

"Yes, my Lord. Of course, my Lord."

It was the first time ever Severus witnessed the usually cocksure Lucius Malfoy sounding so reverential and... _nervous... _almost scared.

Severus thought it a wise idea to bow low when Lucius told Voldemort his name, hoping the Dark Lord wouldn't recognize immediately that he was just a lowly half-blood. And although he admired the mighty wizard for his power, and wished to be found worthy of joining his ranks- because _He_ could give him what he yearned for, an unspoken promise of recognition, fortune and fame- he didn't want _Him_ to go rummaging through his mind again; it was an eerie sensation....

Voldemort made an impatient gesture and cut off Lucius before he could go on bragging about Severus' accomplishments for Slytherin house. Apparently, the Dark Lord knew already everything he wanted to know, and therefore Severus was dismissed with a cold glance of those red, slitted, reptile-like eyes.

He almost breathed a sigh of relief that it was over. Nevertheless, he would have liked to stay.

"Now, that went quite well, didn't it?"

_Regulus again! Why wouldn't the boy leave him alone?_

"I suppose so." Severus drawled, not even glancing at the lad as he recalled the meeting in his mind's eye. Then he realized that if he wanted to join the ranks of the Dark Lord, if he wanted to get his share of the power _He _promised, he would have to be more agreeable towards those who were already in a better position due to their blood status. That meant, he had better get along with Regulus and play nice. Also, the little Black might be able to appease his inquisitive mind about that eerie feeling of the Lord Voldemort _snooping_ through his head.

"It was weird, though. The Dark Lord looked at me and seemed to know my darkest secrets," he wondered aloud.

"Oh, that! Legilimency- the ability to delve into another one's mind in order to extract emotions and memories. Of course, that branch of magic, commonly called the Mind Arts, isn't taught at Hogwarts. Dumbledore considers it somewhat obscure, although he is a skilled Legilimens. That's why cousin Bella promised to teach me Occlumency. You know, the opposite of Legilimency- shielding your mind against external penetration. She says, at a school run by a Muggle-loving traitor like Dumbledore, every Slytherin _ought_ to learn Occlumency. We have to defend our ideals and our cause."

_Legilimency. Occlumency. Mind Arts. Obscure branch of magic... _all that sparked Severus' interest. Naturally, he couldn't hope for anyone to teach him these skills since he didn't have a cousin Bella. His only magical relative was a useless witch called mother, who couldn't even defend herself against her abusive Muggle husband. But she _had_ quite an interesting library at home- books about magic and potions she kept hidden behind her clothes in the wardrobe (she also kept her wand there, most of the time), so perhaps he might find a book about the Mind Arts there.

Just a little later it was time for all underage wizards and witches to leave the festivities at Malfoy Manor and return to their homes. Usually, Lucius didn't care about things as trivial as curfew when he was throwing a party, and he would have liked to bend the rules for tonight as well, since it was his wedding party. Alas, there were many Ministry officials among the guests, and they were known to being sticklers for principles.

Severus bid a curt farewell to Regulus when Tufty, the house-elf, appeared at his side to take him back home. _Home _was a Muggle dunghill reeking of misery and poverty, called Spinner's End. He so hoped his father was asleep by now and didn't notice him walking in.

But like so many other things in Severus' life, that was wishful thinking. The very moment he stealthily opened the door in order to tiptoe to the stairs leading to his room, a bright flash illuminated the poor living room where his father was snoring on the sofa, probably sleeping it off. The roaring sound of thunder woke him.

Yawning and stretching his limbs, Tobias Snape sat up and ran lazy fingers through his messy hair that was so much like his son's- black and lank. At first, he appeared a tad disorientated, but then his gaze fell on Severus.

"Oi!" He shouted, his brows furrowed. "Boy! Wot yeh doin', sneakin' rown eyer? Why're yeh still up?"

Severus stopped and turned around to face the man who had fathered him, thinking about drawing his wand- just in case. He would not allow that useless Muggle to beat him ever again.

"Woss' at yer wearin?" Tobias slurred, rubbing his eyes.

"It's called robes, _father._" Severus almost spat the last word; to him, it was an empty phrase without any meaning. All he wanted was to scurry up to his room and been left alone so he could think about today's events in private.

"Gimme none o' ya cheek, lad. Where've ya been? 'N does ya muvver know 'bout it?"

_Since when does mother care about what I'm doing? _Severus wondered. He was so really **not** into having yet another fight with the man who sired him, but he answered honestly, "I have been to the wedding of a friend, and mother would have been invited, too, if not for you."

"Like muvver, like son, eh? Always so fucking elo... el... quenty- bloody sharp tongue an' all ' all that, finkin yer supeerier, don'cher? Better than ol' Toby, workin' 'ard in 'is lousy job t' feed ya, eh? Tell ya what, Sev'rus. Don't ya marry. Do. Not. Fuckin'. Marry. Ever. Ye'll wake up one day an' realize ya wife's a bitch... er, witch... woteva- got it, son?"

Severus stared at his father, slightly bewildered. What the hell was that?

Meanwhile, Tobias Snape had returned to a horizontal position, stretching out on the sofa again. Severus thought that that would be a good moment to bolt up the staircase and lock himself in his room, but when he turned around to do so, Tobias sat up once more. Pointing at the rickety table in front of him.

"Postcard," he mumbled, "there's a postcard for ya. From one o' those weirdos goin' to that freak school o' yors. Posh lit'le girl, eh? Spain... wonder what's wrong wi' spendin' yer hols at a decent bri'ish place."

Severus sped forward to snatch the postcard from the table before his father could continue his ranting, but he wasn't fast enough. Tobias' hand came shooting forward to grab his wrist in a vice-like grip, staring at his son with blood-shot, bleary eyes.

"Promise me sumfin, Sev'us..."

"Anything." He agreed; he just wanted to get away.

"Don't. Ever. Marry. Not a snobby witch like 'er...."

Since he had no intention at all to marry Raven Lestrange- the postcard was from her, of course (she always wrote to him during the summer, mostly postcards from abroad)- Severus gave his consent quite willingly.

"Good boy." Tobias said with a wry smile on his face, before his head grew too heavy for him to keep it upright, and so he rested it on his pillow again. A moment later, he was fast asleep, snoring loudly.

Severus shook his head in disbelief as he finally made his way up the stairs to his room. He still couldn't believe what had just happened, that he'd had the first almost decent conversation with his father in years. Alright, Tobias was drunk again. That was nothing new. Nevertheless, today's state of intoxication seemed to differ from his usual way of letting fists speak when running out of arguments.

He flopped to his bed, the postcard still in his hands, still unread. It wasn't important, at least not in comparison to his meeting with Lord Voldemort, and that he recalled in his mind's eye over and over again until he finally fell asleep.

That night, Severus dreamed of slitted, reptile-like red eyes, snooping shamelessly through his thoughts and feelings, leaving him standing in front of the Dark Lord all bare and vulnerable.

* * *

_thanks to my wonderful betas, Alabaster Princess and hypnotic ink._


	10. 20th Century Girl

10 20th Century Girl

"Hi, Sev!"

He had to close his eyes and blink a couple of times before he dared to take another glance at Lestrange. Dear Merlin! In her very own way she was dressed just as offending and eccentric as Dumbledore, only that she wasn't wearing robes. No, this was probably the latest Muggle fashion.

Raven was wearing some purple cord bell-bottoms, an orange t-shirt with a green peace symbol and a jacket made of a glittering black fabric. Smiling brightly at him, she gave him a bear hug in which she almost lost her absurdly green, star-shaped sunglasses. With a casual laugh she took them off and put them in the front pocket of her jacket, and yet one of the two ridiculously plastic stars was still staring at him.

"So good to see you," she said, slightly breathless. "I missed you. How was your summer?"

"Agreeable," Severus replied, and that wasn't even a lie. After that strange encounter with his father the night of Lucius' wedding, the shouting at Spinner's End had subsided and been replaced by a period of icy cold silence between his parents that lasted for one and a half weeks, in which he had hoped they would finally file a petition for divorce. But then they had 'made up' quite noisily, and all was back to usual again- only that they had been too busy with themselves to care about what Severus was doing. That was alright with him. He had been able to spend precious moments with Lily without having to tell his parents where he was going, and he'd had time to do some research on a topic that interested him a lot.

He also realized that strangely, very, very strangely, he'd missed her, too. Somewhat, at least.

"Did you get my letter with the pictures?" Raven inquired when they were taking their seats in an empty compartment of the Hogwarts Express.

In the meantime, they had said goodbye to their parents, or- to be more precise- _she_ had said goodbye to _her_ parents, since _his_ mother never bothered to see him off at King's Cross station. Apparently, it suited her quite well that Lily's family would always take him to London in their car.

"Yeah," Severus recalled some pictures showing a Muggle music group on stage, along with a photograph of Lestrange next to a curly haired Muggle guy.

She started talking then, telling him once again what she had already written in her letter, about that 'gig' she'd been to. Her father had given her a ride in his car, all the way to Hastings, where she had seen the band she favoured, playing live on stage.

Severus wasn't really keen on hearing about a Muggle band called T. Rex, and he couldn't have cared less about Marc Bolan singing about a Metal Guru or any other nonsense, but her vividly sparkling eyes held him captured nonetheless.

The compartment door opened and Mulciber, Avery and the little Black, Regulus, stepped in. And while Severus felt almost ennobled by their presence, Raven fell silent.

_Now that's strange_, Raven wondered as she watched Severus interact with his house mates, _when did they become so chummy? _He had told her about the wedding, but perhaps she should have listened more closely. Was that new-found camaraderie Lucius' doing, just like his wonderful idea of Severus _helping_ them with their homework?

In previous years, they had always travelled to Hogwarts as a trio, always just Severus, Lily and Raven, and most of the time no one else had entered their compartment. Well, certainly no fellow Slytherin. It was only then that Raven noticed Lily's absence. So far, she hadn't missed the other girl; she had been too excited to finally see Sev again. The summer was always much too long for her liking... that still left the question where Lily was. Had she chosen to ride with her giggling Gryffindor girls?

Probably that was why Mulciber and co were here- they wouldn't have entered if a Mudblood sat in the compartment.

Raven didn't like Mulciber. In first and second years she'd even been scared of him, but she didn't fear him anymore. He was an idiot. A very pure-blooded idiot. Nevertheless, Raven listened what they were talking about, all the while remaining a silent observer.

It was around lunch time when the compartment door opened and Lily stuck her head in. A gleaming Prefect badge was attached to her robes.

"Hello Raven, hello Sev!" She said cheerfully.

"Shut the door, Mudblood!" Mulciber barked, then he turned to Avery. "Can you believe they actually let filthy little scum like her become Prefect? Hogwarts is really on a downward drift, thanks to that Muggle-loving fool Dumbledore."

"You know, Mulciber, I can actually take points from Slytherin for derogative slander," Lily said pointedly, her pretty face slightly blushed with anger. She glanced at Severus in disapproval because he didn't hasten to her rescue. Instead, he just chuckled.

Lily slammed shut the door, feeling hurt.

Raven frowned at another of their misunderstandings that have been gathering like dark storm clouds. _She_ knew Severus had chuckled because Lily could stand her ground and give a witty reply, whereas Lily would have preferred him to stand up and defend her honour.

It wasn't that easy, though. You just don't ask a fellow Slytherin politely to please not say such nasty words, and still hope to sleep well at night- even if Severus had probably warded his bed like a fortress. Nevertheless, it was always better to be safe than sorry.

After all, Severus was just a lowly half-blood among his Slytherin peers, and although they seemed to have accepted him within their ranks now, that didn't mean he had become particularly popular over the holidays. The likes of Mulciber and Avery tolerated him because the Dark Lord had shown interest in him; they appreciated the jinxes and spells he created- at the end of last term, hardly a day had gone by in Slytherin common room without people stumbling over their rapidly growing toenails, or they had their tongue glued to the roof of their mouth, all of a sudden. It was hilarious.

It was also kind of sad, since the toenail-growing hex or _Langlock_ were so much more popular than the person who created them. Also, as much as the Slytherins loved to use his spells for their own amusement, they seemed to be utterly clueless about magic in general when it came to defending a fellow house mate against the _Marauders_, Potter's gang of bullying Gryffindors. Then, Severus would always be on his own, standing his ground in their favourite game of four on one.

The teachers kept turning a blind eye to the Marauders' doings and called them pranksters. They gave detentions, although Potter and Black's constant disobedience to school rules- they even seemed to celebrate rule-breaking and made it their law- would have called for more drastic measures. Severus was of the opinion they should be expelled.

But life wasn't fair.

Headmaster Dumbledore announced cheerfully that Remus Lupin was the other Gryffindor Prefect next to Lily Evans. And while all the other houses applauded politely, the Slytherins around Mulciber groaned.

"Merlin's hairy bollocks!" Avery exclaimed. "That's as good as a Carte Blanche for bloody Potter and his Gryffindor buddies- just imagine, Lupin can take points from Slytherin whenever we hex back. We can so forget about the House Cup this year!"

"I'd worry more about Lupin himself, if I were you," Severus said. "Don't you think there's something weird about him?"

"Yeah, he's a Gryffindor," Mulciber said mockingly, and Avery laughed. "By the way, does anyone know his blood status?"

Raven rolled her eyes. "You're much too fixed on blood."

"Lestrange, you've got to learn to keep your gob shut 'till you're asked. There's something fishy about your parentage..."

"Yeah, I'm not the sorry by-product of inbred debility. Congrats, you figured me out," she replied nonchalantly while Severus was still trying to make his point.

"But isn't it weird he misses so often? And strangely, always when the moon is full."

"His mummy is ill," Mulciber replied but apparently the hint about the full moon didn't ring a bell with him since he changed the topic by asking Regulus if he would be in the tryouts for the Slytherin Quidditch team this year. "You know, you'd make a terrific Seeker and Merlin knows we're in desperate need of one..."

And then it was all about Quidditch and broomsticks again, Severus realized with frustration. Those morons paid no attention ever! They were witless, clueless dunderheads, totally incapable of using their brains! But he noticed that Lestrange was glancing at him with furrowed brows- or rather, she seemed to look straight through him, lost in thoughts- and yet there was some sort of dawning in her eyes, as if she seemed to understand what he was about. She was a clever witch. Of course, _she_ did pay attention in class. She also did her homework (punctually), and she usually wrote quite well-researched essays. She could put two and two together, but she didn't jump to a conclusion now- although she usually was quite a fierce little witch. On the other hand, she never brandished her wand without a reason either. (That, however, didn't mean she couldn't stand her ground!)

Knowing her, she would check her books first and read all about full-moon-influenced 'maladies', and then she would just have to agree that his suspicion was probably right.

And so it happened that many weeks passed before the topic came to Lupin and the full moon again.

Academic life started at Hogwarts, and just like every year, they had a new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. Just like all the years before, Severus hoped he or she wouldn't be as much an imbecile as the last. Most of the years, however, he was sorely disappointed.

There were rumours that the position was cursed, and he believed this instantly since only a really bad curse could explain the growing amount of incompetence he had to endure in class. Some days he believed it wouldn't make a difference if he taught the subject instead of that moron in front of the class- it couldn't get worse anyway. At least he'd be able to take points from Potter and Black then, instead of having to witness just another so-called professor fawning over them, praising their brilliance, when all they ever did was parroting the parole that the Dark Arts were evil, without having the slightest clue about the Dark Arts at all.

Severus often wondered what it was that made the difference in the end. Take the Marauders and their _pranks_ that actually landed more students in the infirmary than any real dark curse. If only Lily saw things his way! Of course, she agreed with him that Potter was an arrogant toerag, but in the same breath she complained about his Slytherin friends- although she had encouraged him to make friends within his own house. He really had no clue what he was doing wrong

They seemed to argue more often than before, and the periods in which she choose not to speak to him for whatever reason became more frequent.

Raven tried to mediate between her friends but mostly it was to no avail. Lily could be very stubborn once she had set her mind on something, especially when she believed she was doing the right thing, had the right ideas. Sometimes it occurred to Raven that Lily Evans was the self-proclaimed moral compass of Hogwarts, and yet she held her double standards high.

Nevertheless, it saddened her that their friendship was slowly dissolving into thin air due to Lily's self-righteousness. And most of all it hurt her that the more Lily was pushing Severus away, the more he seemed to raise her on a pedestal. It was almost funny but no one laughed about it.

When did it start, she wondered? Was it actually a house thing? The Gryffindors were always right and the Slytherins were always wrong because they were evil. After all, history proved that Slytherin house had produced more Dark wizards and witches than any other house. And when Raven tried to argue that Gryffindors weren't holy either, Lily accused her of siding with Severus.

Did they really speak a completely different language? Sometimes, Raven felt like a sociolinguist while trying to figure out when what had gone wrong by analysing what had been said and pondering how words could develop such a contrary meaning. Like a bomb or a meteor or whatever had dropped on a planet, breaking it, and now the two parts were drifting apart, but occasionally they collided only to realize they spoke different languages. To Raven, it still sounded like English. Perhaps an etymologist might be able to gather knowledge about how words were used at earlier stages, but Raven had no idea how she could solve that problem.

Then there were moments when everything was perfectly all right between the three friends. They went to Hogsmeade together and Lily was cheerful all day. Of course, they also studied together in the library. That was a habit Lily wouldn't give up even if she was otherwise not on speaking terms with Severus. It just suited her so well because Severus was an excellent study partner, and she benefited from his vast magical knowledge. The pressure to do well in class was increasing this year, since the fifth years would be sitting their OWLs at the end of term. Everyone knew that the outcome of this test was very important and mightily influential to your future career in the wizarding world. It set the course for life, because only with passing grades- preferably Exceeding Expectation or Outstanding- you could take the NEWT classes you needed to get the job you liked.

Lily spoke about becoming a healer, while Raven still wanted to become a photographer for the Melody Maker, and Severus... well, mostly he kept quiet about his future plans. They involved the Dark Lord and Lily wouldn't want to hear that. On the other hand, he dreamed about a career in potions research.

What bugged Lily the most was Severus' knowledge of the Dark Arts. To her, the Dark Arts were evil in general, but Raven begged to differ. She thought it to be mightily useful to know about the Dark Arts, especially when it came to fighting them- _you've got to know your enemy - _just like it was always of great advantage to know the quirks of every Marauder in order to avoid getting hexed into the infirmary. But, she supposed, Lily wouldn't want to hear about _their_ funny pranks now, so she came up with another example.

"It's like... you can't say you don't like artichokes if you never tried them."

"But artichokes don't endanger your soul!" Lily exclaimed. "The Dark Arts, however, are evil."

"History proves that many curses that are now classified as Dark Arts were not some centuries ago," Raven argued, still the history geek although Professor Binns tried his best to lull his students into the realm of ghosts with his dreary voice, and at the same time she envisioned an _**evil**_ artichoke attacking Lily. She always was so bloody self-righteous! "It's all a matter of what the respectively current members of the Wizengamot consider Ministry approved..."

"Now, isn't that typical? You _always_ side with him!" Lily snapped, sounding accusingly as she packed her books and stood.

"I happen to share Severus' opinion to some extent, but that doesn't mean I'm _siding_ with him," Raven gave to consider, but Lily left before Madam Pince could reprimand them for breaking her number one law, and that was to remain silent in the library. No talking, laughing, sneezing or whispering was allowed. Fortunately, Sev had cast a Silencing Charm the very moment they had entered the library some hours ago, so the librarian just threw a suspicious glance in their direction and busied herself with cataloguing her precious books again.

Raven rolled her eyes and hoped that Severus wouldn't blame her for making things even more complicated with Lily. She hated the idea he could be mad at her- an idea that Lily never had to fear and never cared about.

Fortunately, Severus wasn't mad at her. His relationship with Lily had been on a downward spiral for a couple of days already, and he actually appreciated that at least someone seemed to share his point of view... well, Mulciber and Avery did, but that was different.

On their way to the Great hall for dinner that day, Raven approached Severus again with a request she had already made in second year; he had rejected it, then. But their OWLs were getting closer and closer- alright, they wouldn't be until June and now it was late November, but still, there was going to be a practical part, and although she knew the theory of Potions, she still sucked terribly at brewing.

At least she had improved considerably in the practical part of her other classes ever since she had stopped pretending to be a Squib. She also had grown more accustomed to her wand- ebony and phoenix feather, _a fickle combination, made for an eccentric witch. _Well, in the eyes of the wizarding world and especially in those of her fellow Slytherins, she was indeed an eccentric witch, whereas Raven considered herself quite a normal 70's girl.

Upon entering the Great Hall, Severus immediately searched it for Lily and noticed she was giving him the cold shoulder once again, chatting deliberately cheerfully with her Gryffindor girls. Heaving a weary sigh, he turned to Raven and agreed to help her if she could come up with a place.

She beamed at him, having already arranged that. The lavatory on the second floor was still out of order and hunted by Myrtle, most certainly her ghostly friend wouldn't mind a little _entertainment._

Needless to say that Myrtle's initial response to Raven's request was to start sulking and moaning, because Myrtle didn't like Raven to have living friends. Nevertheless, in the end she agreed- after all, there was only one thing she hated more than having to share a friend and that was the threat of being without a friend for the rest of her life... or death, or whatever ghosts call their existence. Besides, Myrtle liked Severus Snape because he was just as unhappy a person as she was. Although he wasn't moaning or wailing or haunting a lavatory.

"OK, let's start with something easy," said Severus curtly, addressing Raven and ignoring the ghost that lurked behind him, looking over his shoulder with a sad little sigh as she seemed to brush at his hair. It made him shiver, and yet he remained fixed on the task he was about to do, and that was to help Lestrange to brew a simple potion- he really didn't get why she always seemed to be a complete failure at that when she was otherwise quite a decent scholar and usually not all too clumsy. With a silky voice he asked, "I hope a Shrivelling Solution won't overtax your limits?"

She knew what ingredients she had to use: chopped daisy roots, skinned shrivelfig, sliced caterpillar, one rat spleen and a dash of leech juice. After all, it was a potion they had made in third year, and it really wasn't that complicated. And yet she had messed it up- it had turned purple instead of green and then the purple liquid had clod until an almost black, aubergine lump remained at the bottom of her cauldron.

Severus watched her sort out all the right ingredients and nodded approvingly at the neat way she chopped the daisy roots- she clearly was accurate at what she was doing, no fault in that. Also, she skinned the shrivelfig quite nicely before she hesitated and glanced at him, inquiringly.

"What?" He asked impatiently- he had hoped he could finish reading his book, _A Beginners Guide To The Mind Arts,_ while supervising herand not be pestered with stupid question all the time.

"I... um... the caterpillar. If I understood it correctly it's the body fluid what's used in the potion- why do I have to slice it then? Wouldn't it be more effective if I just squashed it?"

All right, that wasn't such a stupid question. "Why don't you just do it?"

"'Cause the book says to slice it."

"Just forget what the book says, it's almost ancient and Potions is a subtle art that- although it keeps to strict rules- does allow improvements. Provided, of course, you know the properties of the ingredients you are about to use. I know you do. So use your brains now. Use your imagination and intuition, and just do it the way you think it should be done." _We can try it on your owl later_, he added in thoughts before focussing on his book again.

Meanwhile, Raven busied herself with the Shrivelling Potion. She squashed the caterpillar and added its body fluids, then she added exactly one rat spleen. Instead of stirring it clockwise all the time, she stirred it counter-clockwise once she dropped just a tiny dash of leech juice... surprisingly, it turned exactly the same shade of green it was supposed to. It was the first time a potion she brewed had turned out just as expected.

"Not bad," Severus commented on her progress, and hearing those words coming from the mouth of a Potions geek was simply terrific. Wonderful, ecstatic, extraordinary. Even Myrtle seemed to cheer for her. But then the ghost pulled a gloomy face when Raven threw her arms around Severus' neck and hugged him.

"Thank you!" She exclaimed happily. For the first time ever her brewing attempts had not ended in a complete disaster and that was only Severus' doing- although he hadn't done much. He'd just been sitting there, reading. And yet he had helped her more than Professor Slughorn, ever. "You're simply the best!"

At that, Myrtle started wailing loudly. "No one had ever hugged me and now I'm dead and cannot be hugged anymore and my best friend turned against me..." With a banshee-like howl she disappeared deep into the U-bent of her favourite toilet, the one whose cubicle door was dangling off its hinges.

Raven stared at Severus and realized how very close they were. She would have loved to kiss him now- his lips looked so inviting to her- but he wouldn't have approved of it (he didn't love her; he loved Lily) and besides, the general situation was everything but romantic. Hiccuping sobs followed Myrtle's disappearance deep down to the bowels of the lavatory, water was leaking from everywhere, and no polite word or friendly begging could make her reappear. No, it was definitely not a romantic moment, and so Raven took a cautious step backwards.

By the next time Raven and Severus misused her lavatory as a potions lab, Myrtle was too curious or too hungry for human contact to continue sulking. But she liked to remind them with a sudden wail or a soft moan that she was still pitying herself, fishing for attention.

Christmas break was approaching, and along with it came a chilly breeze that smelled of snow. Then, one morning, the Hogwarts students woke up to a world covered in white, dancing snowflakes in the air. The fireplaces in the common rooms roared alive to radiate some warmth, while outside the temperature dropped to freezing degrees.

Severus was looking forward to another peacefully boring holidays that he would spend reading a lot, although he had long finished reading all the books about the Mind Arts- Legilimency and Occlumency- that were available in the non-restricted section of the library. He hoped to find more about this very interesting topic- if only he could sneak into the restricted part- but just as much he hoped to find a willing victim on which he could practice what he had leaned only in theory so far.

Lily was not an option. Of course, he would have loved to know what was going on in her head and if, perhaps, she felt the same for him as he felt for her. But it just didn't seem right. It was almost as indecent as to make her love him by dropping a few drops of _Amortentia_ in her pumpkin juice.

Not that he had never thought about that. As one of the best Potions students that Hogwarts had ever seen, he could actually do that and create a love potion, and just as well he knew that that wasn't what he wanted. Severus wanted the real thing; he wanted Lily to love him for what he was, and if that wasn't enough, he wanted her to love him for what he was about to become.

Mulciber or Avery weren't suitable candidates either, since somewhere deep in his heart he knew they weren't trustworthy, and he feared they might run to the Dark Lord, telling him what he was trying to learn. And as much as he admired the Dark Lord, Severus didn't want Him to know all about him... like being hopelessly in love with Lily Evans, a Mudblood...

So that left Raven Lestrange. She wouldn't mind him snooping through her mind, would she?

Unfortunately, she had left for Christmas break- just like she did every year- before he got a chance to try it. But he would practice on her once she returned.

_Thanks to hypnotic ink and Alabaster Princess._


	11. Dead by Xmas

11- Dead by Xmas

It was a habit Raven held dear, visiting Aunt Drusilla on Boxing Day. Aunt Drusilla was Mum's sister and she lived in the countryside with her husband, Uncle Horatio, a Muggleborn wizard.

Her grandparents- may they rest in peace; Raven's memory of them was already fading- were of very old though not very pure blood, and it had never bothered them that their two daughters had married a Muggleborn or a Muggle. They simply wanted them to be happy. In Slytherin house, however, such an attitude was frowned upon and the Marigolds were probably considered some of the worst blood traitors. But things were so much easier if you just forgot about the asininity of pure-blood supremacy that her fellow house-mates held so high.

Something was weird about their house that day, Raven thought, although she couldn't quite put a finger on what exactly it was. The lights were on, and yet the cottage appeared abandoned, desolate.

She walked up the gravelled path leading to her aunt's house, nervously fingering for her wand. But only when she noticed her Mum doing just the same, she knew for sure that there was something amiss.

Raven had never seen her mother act like that.

Drawing her wand in a casual gesture with one hand, Nigella signalled her husband to stay behind with the other. Cautiously, she approached the building.

Now that was probably the first and so far only moment in his marital life that Chris Lestrange hated being just a Muggle. A man- a husband and father- should be able to protect his family. Not the other way round.

Nigella pushed the door open. It was dangling on its hinges, but that was the only sign that something horrible might have happened. Nevertheless, it was a clear sign that the peace of this place had been violated.

Softly, she called her sister's name and when Drusilla didn't reply, she called even louder. There was no response. Nigella stepped inside.

"Stay behind!" She told her daughter... and then she stifled a horror-stricken sob.

Usually- or at least most of the time- Raven did what her mother told her. This time, however, her curiosity got the better of her and she followed Nigella inside.

At first glance, the living room looked like it always did, neat and tidy. The Christmas decorations were the same as every year...

"Fuck!" It was the first word that came to Raven's mind and probably there was no better one. She stood rooted to the spot, staring wide-eyed at the scenario in front of her. Whoever had arranged this must have a sick sense of humour, because Drusilla and Horatio were lying spread out on the floor like some overgrown dolls a child had grown tired of playing with. Their eyes were wide open as if caught by surprise, and yet they were neither awake nor sleeping. They were dead. As dead as a doornail. Dead eyes were staring into nothingness.

Now she understood her mother's stifled sob.

"Raven. Get out." Nigella's voice sounded raw and weary. She didn't want her daughter to see- no witch so young should have to witness a scene like that; no young girl should have to look into the ugly face of death.

But Raven stayed.

To an ignorant observer- the Muggle police, for example- it didn't even look like a crime scene at all. The expression on Aunt Drusilla and Uncle Horatio's faces was almost peaceful. A coroner would file his report and come to the conclusion that they died a natural death. Heart failure, a stroke- something like that. There was no blood, no gore to assume a crime had been committed here.

Nevertheless, that was exactly what had happened here. A horrible crime. Raven just knew her aunt and uncle had been murdered, and that was a fact. Hadn't there been an eerie glow upon the house when they arrived?

"Oh my god," her father whispered, standing aghast at the threshold. He had waited outside for a brief moment, merely long enough to make sure he would not run headlong into a magical combat with sparks flying all around, before following his two witches.

Now he stood there feeling helpless. He wanted to do something- anything. But was there anything you could really do in such a situation?

"Oh Chris," Nigella whispered and she cast a glance at him before she took a cautious step towards her sister.

Raven understood her mother's wish to touch her sister, to probably run her fingers through her hair and hope to wake her- to do whatever was necessary to make believe that this was just a bad dream instead of a horrible crime, that Drusilla would miraculously sit up and laugh about the really bad joke she'd been playing her sister...

But that wouldn't happen and Raven wasn't irrational enough to believe in miracles when the evidence was so obvious. Her aunt and her uncle were dead. There was nothing she or anyone else could do about it.

"Don't touch anything," she hissed, startling her mother. Perhaps she sounded very cool and controlled now, but she wasn't. Deep inside, she was a frightened, shocked young witch- just as shocked as her parents were. But she was also a Slytherin. Slytherins didn't act out of impulse, they used their brains and came up with an analytical approach of things. It was a trait that came in quite handy in stressful situations and, apparently, she possessed that trait. By telling herself she could still mourn her loss later- when there was time to allow all the pain and despair to take over, and replace that strange feeling of numbness within her- she was capable of thinking up what had to be done now.

"We have to call the Aurors." Raven concluded, surprised by lack of emotions in her voice.

"Yes. Yes." Nigella agreed, but she just stood there, looking around without the slightest clue what to do.

Chris walked up to her and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Perhaps," he offered, rubbing her back when she flung her arms around him and buried her head in the crook of his neck, "you could do that trick with the greenish powder and the fireplace."

"No," Raven cut in. Of course, Firecalling the Aurors would have been an option although not the best one. Any attempt in doing that could possibly ruin a hint the Aurors might find. Not all of her Defence against the Dark Art teachers had been total dunderheads like Sev used to claim- one or two of them had actually been capable of imparting some basic knowledge to them. Well, and the rest of her defensive skills she had learned the hard way, thanks to the Marauders.

But was there any other way to alert the Aurors?

"Mum, can you call them without using the Floo Network?"

Surreptitiously, Nigella wiped the tears off her face before she turned to take a good glance at her daughter.

"Oh, my dear, dear girl. You really shouldn't be here..." She reached out to cup Raven's face in her warm and yet clammy hands, caressing her daughter's cheeks. "You shouldn't have to witness such horrible, horrible things. You're so very brave. And... yes, you are right. We have to alert Auror office."

_But how? _Raven wondered. She watched her mother hugging her father tightly- as if she was imbibing some kind of power or energy or whatever from that embrace, and when she turned around a little later, there was definitely something vibrant about her. Like a reloaded battery... although that comparison was badly flawed.

Nigella brandished her wand. A gleaming vapour of light shot from the tip of her wand... and faded into thin air. Then she tried it again and Raven watched in amazement how the cloud of light took on a form, the shape of a silvery raven, that soon whooshed up in the sky. An instant later, it was gone.

"What was that?" Raven couldn't help asking; after all, she was a very curious young witch and she loved it when her Mum did magic. Especially when it was of the kind you didn't usually get to see at Hogwarts.

"It's called a Patronus. The Patronus Charm. It's... um, advanced magic."

Despite the circumstances, Raven remembered to ask her Mum about that particular spell later as it seemed to be a mightily effective one; it took only about a minute until the soft _pop_ of Apparation announced the arrival of a group of three Aurors.

Their leader was a battle-scarred wizard by the name of Alastor Moody. 'Mad-Eye' Moody he was called because he had lost an eye in fight and that had been replaced by a magical one, which was kind of scary. It seemed to move around independently from his normal eye.

"Constant Vigilance!" He shouted as a greeting, or just as a warning, while he hobbled closer to the crime scene- additional to his fake eye he also had a fake leg, a peg leg, that made thumping noises when he walked.

The Aurors didn't seem to do much. They waved their wands and mumbled some incantations that didn't seem to have the desired result. There was always more action involved when Kojak or Starsky and Hutch arrived at a crime scene- although Auror Moody reminded Raven a bit of Colombo. Of course, he wasn't smoking a cigar or wearing a trenchcoat, and Peter Falk's face didn't look like a madman had gone wild with a chisel on his face either, but there was definitely a certain similarity in their approach of things. Like Colombo, Mad Eye Moody seemed to be an attentive observer who wouldn't miss a single detail. On the other hand, the Auror radiated competence with every hobbling step he took, whereas Colombo- as brilliant a mind he was- appeared to be rather clumsy and doltish sometimes...

Since Raven had never been at a crime scene before, she could only compare her experience with what she's seen on TV, and she knew very well that such a comparison sucked.. But at least it helped her to counterbalance her emotions, to keep the all the pain and shock and anger she felt at bay.

And while Auror Moody listened with dispassionate interest to Nigella's report of how she had appeared at the crime scene and found the victims, his two subordinates came up with the clever idea that using the Memory Charm on the only Muggle around would be a very wise move at this particular state of investigation.

"Stop that!" Raven yelled, aiming her wand at the Auror who was the nearest to her father- _had he really possessed the audacity to cast a Body-Bind curse on him, a helpless Muggle? _Her mother was about to interfere but Raven beat her to it. "Let go of my dad, you imbecilic moron!"

Things could have gone awfully wrong at that point. The Aurors could have arrested Raven for threatening to use magic on them, because, as an underage witch, she wasn't legally allowed to cast spells at all. There was a moment of vigilant wariness on both sides, then Alastor Moody threw back his head and laughed out loud.

"Oh, she's a fierce one, isn't she?" Mad Eye chuckled amused, and a casual gesture of him was enough for his men to let go of Christopherus Lestrange. Then he focussed his magical eye on Raven again.

Involuntarily, she shuddered under his gaze and tried to avert her glance until it occurred to her that _she_ hadn't done anything wrong. So she met his eyes evenly. He was scrutinizing her all over, from head to toe, but his strange magical orb seemed to look even deeper- as if he could see straight into her head, and that made her feel very uncomfortable because he was invading her privacy. And that was none of his business!

"Why don't you do your job and find the one responsible for the murder of my aunt and uncle?" She asked pointedly.

"You're a cheeky one, eh? A fierce and clever little witch- ever thought about becoming an Auror?"

To be honest, Raven had never considered that option when thinking about her future, but in face of today's events it was definitely an idea worth thinking over. "Well, apparently Auror Headquarters is in dire need of some capable aspirant to replace those dunderheads." She pointed at Mad Eye's subordinates, and the old, battle-scarred Auror laughed again. He smirked at her, which might have indicated he liked her. You just couldn't tell for sure when a face was as scarred as Moody's with his mad magical eye.

But liking Raven wasn't enough to solve the case, and a few days later the Aurors were still clueless about who had killed Aunt Drusilla and Uncle Horatio. The funeral was the day before New Year's eve, and the new year brought no new clues either. There were suspicions but no evidence. Mad Eye Moody blamed the Death Eaters, the followers of Lord Voldemort, especially when he found out that Horatio Taylor was a Muggleborn wizard and Ministry employee, married to a pure-blood witch. Still, there was no evidence to support his theory and soon the case was filed away like so many others in recent months. People- especially Muggleborn wizards and witches- disappeared without a trace or got killed in a mysterious way. Often the Killing Curse, Avada Kedavra, was used. It was one of the three Unforgivable Curses which resulted in a life sentence in Azkaban, because its primary mean was to kill quickly and efficiently. The victim simply dropped dead without showing any sign of violence- just like Aunt Drusilla and Uncle Horatio- and no biological reason could be found by Muggle forensic scientists.

In the days that followed the murder of her relatives, Raven stayed in her room most of the time, listening to her favourite records and keeping her mind busy with thoughts about actually becoming an Auror. Somehow, the idea appealed to her. It seemed to be a more significant task of life than taking pictures of Muggle bands on stage... although she could probably still do that and go to concerts in her spare time. She dreamed about finding a way to uncover the death of her aunt and uncle- it helped her to not drown in despair due to the loss, while at the same time she avoided her parents. She couldn't deal with her mother's tears, nor with her father's gingerly way of handling the situation in an attempt to keep the family together through grief and sorrow. It was a well-meant effort, but Raven only wanted to get away from them, and yet she mourned Drusilla and Horatio, too- in her very own way.

Raven yearned for a friend now. She longed to be with Sev. Just to be around him would make her feel better, and so she surprised her parents with her wish to return to Hogwarts some days earlier, before Christmas break was over.

They didn't like to see her leaving, but they didn't detain her either. Nigella and Christopherus Lestrange knew that they had to let her go her own way, even if it hurt- especially after the recent events.

So Raven took the Knight Bus back to Hogwarts.

It annoyed her tremendously that she couldn't just sneak into the Slytherin common room to have a quiet conversation with Severus. But no, news about her tragic loss had reached Hogwarts castle already, and therefore a consolation committee, consisting of Headmaster Dumbledore as well as the Professors Slughorn and McGonagall, was standing at the steps leading to the entrance hall to give her a warm welcome and loads of more attention than she was used to get from teachers. The Headmaster even offered her to visit him in her office if she needed to talk to someone. And although she was in need for someone, he definitely wasn't her first choice. She wanted Severus. He was her friend- whereas Dumbledore had never given a damn about her until now.

Raven had to endure a seemingly endless time before the pathetic condolence party was over and she could finally make her way to the Slytherin common room. Sev was sitting in a comfortable armchair by the fire, his large nose stuck in a book. It was a sight that made her heart ache for him and she realized once more how much she loved that scrawny, dark-haired, not all too handsome boy. But while others- namely Potter and his miscreants, the Marauders- called him names and insulted him for being unattractive, she only saw how wonderful he truly was. There was beauty in the way he sat there reading, his long, slender limbs all folded very elegantly in a comfortable position by the fire; its flickering flames cast a healthy shade on his usually pale, sallow skin.

He looked up, then, surprised to see her back at Hogwarts when it was still two days until the end of Christmas break. Immediately he noticed that something was wrong; she seemed to be distressed and a bit lost. Nevertheless, the ghost of a smile flickered over her face, which was paler than usual.

"What's up?" He asked, sounding almost soft.

Raven just shrugged. She felt drained from Dumbledore's long monologue- to which she'd hardly listened- and strangely numb inside. She wasn't in the mood to talk now. All she wanted was to be close to Severus.

"Can I... may I just sit with you?"

There was definitely something wrong with her because usually she didn't ask but sat down next to him anyway. Almost out of instinct he stirred and moved to make room for Raven, who accepted this with another little smile. Instead of jabbering away like she usually would have done, she remained oddly quiet.

He thought about trying to use Legilimency on her to find out what was amiss. Then he decided against it. It didn't seem the right thing to do... all of a sudden he realized that she'd come to him looking for solace, and at first, he felt slightly overtaxed with the situation. There hadn't been much comforting at his home, and with Lily- well, whenever she was upset, sad or distressed (very often because of Petunia) she blamed him. She would seek his reassurance but not his comfort, and probably she was right in doing so since he had absolutely no experience in that. It's a thing for the weak, he told himself, to weep and moan and pity themselves- but on the other hand he also felt flattered... no, that wasn't the right word... more like touched... that someone would actually come to him, rely on him in a matter he was not adept in and just wanted to be close to him. If only he knew what to do now.

And then everything was quite easy, actually. Raven waited for a moment- waited for him to react- before she simply took his arm and wrapped it around her shoulder, snuggling up to him.

Tentatively, he allowed his hand to rub her arm in small, soothing circles, hoping she wouldn't drench him in tears now. She didn't. She didn't start blubbering like most girls would, but then again Raven Lestrange wasn't just like any girl. She remained quiet. Perhaps she cried a few silent tears, but Severus hardly noticed that, because he realized what a nice feeling it was to hold the soft and warm body of a witch in his arms. It also caused quite an embarrassing _stir_ in certain regions of his body he didn't want to think about now, because those were inappropriate thoughts. It had nothing to do with what he felt about Lestrange- they were friends and he liked her quite a lot. It was just the physical reaction of an adolescent wizard whose body discovered its needs. He didn't love her. He loved Lily. And yet, he wished Lily would want to be as close to him as Raven was now, that _she_ would come seeking solace in his arms. He didn't even seem to be a total failure at conveying comfort because apparently it worked with Raven... although he hadn't done anything.

"Thanks," she mumbled some time later as she rubbed her eyes. They were still a bit puffy but her smile was brighter now. The world seemed to be a much brighter place when Severus was around and his proximity was what she had needed. Also, it was a very nice feeling to be in his arms, cuddled up close to him. "You really are a good friend. My best friend."

Severus arched a surprised brow at her and swallowed hard. Not many people called him a friend- let alone best friend. He was still unpopular at Hogwarts, even within his own house. Mulciber and Avery claimed he was their friend when they wanted something from him, but it sounded different when Raven said it. More sincere. And he realized that there really was some honest friendship between them. She was the only one who would openly side up with him when the Marauders bullied him so that it wasn't always a four on one situation. The formerly pathetic, fat little girl who wanted to be a Squib because she was scared of her own wand, had grown into quite a pretty young witch, perfectly capable of standing her own ground.

He actually enjoyed spending time with her- it was a difficult thing to confess though, considering the hierarchy in Slytherin house and his desire to rise within the ranks of his peers. They would have taunted him if they could see him now, cuddling with Raven Lestrange.

_What had thrown her so out off track that she needed his comfort? _he wondered, but before Severus could ask again she already started to spill her story.

"My aunt and uncle got killed at Christmas," Raven began.

"Oh... um... I guess my condolences is in order..." he wasn't good at that and he knew it. "What happened?"

She told him everything, every little detail she could still remember, and by talking about it, the whole horrible situation became so much easier to handle. Especially when he appreciated her cool, controlled attitude, and it sounded like a rare praise coming from his lips.

But then she concluded, "I guess it were the followers of that Lord Voldemort. His Death Eaters. Mad-Eye Moody, the Auror, said so."

Severus didn't want to hear any of that. Lord Voldemort stood for the superiority of pure-blooded wizards and witches over Muggles, that much was true- but they wouldn't go and kill just any witch only because she was married to a Muggleborn, would they? As far as he understood, they were more or less a political group.

"Is there any proof to your theory?"

"No, but it cannot be a coincidence that so many Muggles or Muggleborns got killed or disappeared since Voldemort started his campaign against them, proclaiming the superiority of pure-bloods."

"Slytherin house stands for blood superiority since the day Hogwarts was founded, and you can't accuse all Slytherins of being a bunch of cold-blooded murderers only because they got Sorted into Slytherin." Severus sounded irked now; he dreaded this conversation ending like so many arguments he had with Lily.

Raven, however, took his hand in hers and rubbed it gently to dispel his worries. "That's not what I was saying, Sev, and you know it. Remember, I'm the history geek. There have always been Dark wizards or witches, no matter from which house. It's just like there are good Muggles and bad Muggles." She shrugged. "Probably it lies in the nature of mankind itself, that some choose a dark path to whatever they wish to achieve without caring for the corpses that pave their way.

"I mean, isn't it sort of telling that Voldemort's followers are called the Death Eaters? Doesn't that name indicate that they're not only tolerating but actively supporting the death of non-believers to their pure-blood propaganda? If it were all about the joys of eating they could have chosen a tastier name- like... like Pizza Eaters or something like that."

Severus chuckled. Now that was a logic only Raven could come up with. And as much as he hated to admit, it also held a grain of truth and wasn't completely absurd. But still, he didn't want to hear any of that. Joining the ranks of Lord Voldemort was his only chance to leave the Muggle dunghill called Spinner's End behind, to gain fame and fortune and finally, he hoped, Lily's heart.

When he didn't answer, Raven continued. "I thought it over thoroughly these past days and I came to the conclusion that I want to become an Auror."

His eyes widened startled. For the fraction of a moment his heart seemed to stop because he didn't want to lose her, and then he wondered why that thought had ever occurred to him if it was really all about a political group.

She squeezed his hand, holding on to him as if looking for support, an anchor in these rough times. "There are still so many questions that need to be answered. I want to know the reason and I hate the idea that I might never find out. The Aurors seem to be quite incompetent, except for Mad Eye Moody- Severus, will you help me to pass my Potions OWLs so that I get the chance to become a better Auror than them?"

He nodded yes. It was almost impossible to deny her request if she looked at him with those sad blue eyes that usually reminded him of the summer sky. Severus wished she would smile again... because she was his friend and because it had felt so nice to hold her in his arms.

"You are quite capable in Potions, Lestrange, if you follow your instinct instead of the textbook. I am certain you will pass your OWLs and I'll help you to achieve your goal."

Ah, there was that smile again. It wasn't as sweet as Lily's- it didn't make his heart ache- but it wasn't as rare either. Lestrange always seemed to find a reason to smile at him, and somehow he liked that. He liked the way she called him her best friend and how things were always so much... _easier_... with her, compared to the often difficult and strained relationship he had with Lily.

Raven hugged him- again, that was a typical thing for her to do whereas Lily was definitely more reserved in displaying affection.

"Thanks, Sev." Her mood brightened up a little more but she didn't want to push her luck too far. They were friends. Nothing more and nothing less- although he was definitely the most wonderful friend she could think of, and she wouldn't want to ruin that by following her instincts now... only because a delirious voice in her head screamed for a kiss. Of course she would have loved to kiss him, but she also knew that that wasn't a very wise idea. At least not at the moment. So she changed the topic. "Anyway, talking about pizza- I could use something to eat now."

Dumbledore had offered her some sherbet lemons, which she had rejected. The whole situation in his office had been weird, bordering to absurd, with the headmaster acting as sort of a wise uber-grandfather, all long white hair and beard. His eyes had twinkled while feigning compassion for a Slytherin he usually didn't care much about. Perhaps she should have told him that she considered becoming an Auror- he might have been thrilled to hear that not all Slytherins were lost to darkness the minute they got Sorted.

"You'll have to wait till breakfast." Severus realized he was hungry, too. He had missed dinner because he had been reading all day and now it was much too late to get any food. But he was used to going to bed with a rumbling stomach.

"Well, we could go to the kitchens," Raven suggested.

"It's past curfew. We cannot-"

"Oh, methinks we can. Sev, it's still Christmas break. Do you actually believe that dear old Sluggy patrols the dungeons on a night like this? Isn't it a much more conceivable idea to imagine him sitting in his rooms, stuffed with crystallised pineapple, drinking a good bottle of elf-made wine- probably a Christmas present from Potter's dad?"

_True_, Severus thought, perfectly capable of envisioning _that_ scene. Nevertheless, he didn't even know where the Hogwarts kitchens were or how to get there.

Raven stood and extended her hand to him. "Come on."

For a brief moment, he was wavering. Uncertain whether to take her hand or not, weighing the consequences _Wasn't it a stupid thing to do?_ He wondered. But then again, nobody was watching him. He could give in to his curiosity and that won in the end.

Immediately, he felt sort of engulfed in that special spell of hers that made others not notice her. And while he could see her clearly, their surroundings appeared somewhat blurred... as if looking through a big bubble. A big pink bubblegum bubble (not that he had ever looked through one)

Her notice-me-not spell was almost as good as an invisibility cloak. He wished he could do that trick and simply disappear when the Marauders were hard on his heels, trying to hex him, or- and that was a much more satisfying idea- if he could sneak up to them, unseen, and hex them into oblivion. Or get them expelled.

Alas, that special spell of hers seemed to work only for her. She had tried to teach him but to no avail. Probably it was because pink bubblegum bubbles were a very girlish thing that didn't work for wizards.

Silently they walked the dimly lit corridors of the dungeons, which were empty and quiet. After a few turns they came to a painting on the wall; it showed a bowl of fruit. Raven reached out her hand to actually _tickle_ a painted pear... and although there was nothing in the wizarding world that could surprise Severus anymore, he noticed with strange bewilderment that the pear started _giggling_.

"I watched Slughorn doing that once." Raven informed him with a smile on her face as the pear turned into a door handle. "Although they call me fat crow, I was never so desperate in need of food that I would have found a way to the kitchens all by myself. Professor Walrus however couldn't wait till dinner that day but had to sneak into the kitchens after class."

Probably he should have said something nice or complimentary about her shape now, that she was definitely not a fat little girl anymore. He just didn't seem to find the right words. After all, Raven wasn't Lily- not that he would have managed to find the right words then.

Then the door swung open and they both stared at Peeves, the Poltergeist, holding a young elfling in mid-air by its ankles. The little one wailed but Peeves just laughed and swung it like pendulum.

"Let go of the elf! Immediately!" Raven yelled and added threateningly, "Or do you want me to call the Bloody Baron?"

The Bloody Baron, the house ghost of Slytherin, was the only being that Peeves actually feared.

"Ooooh, the fat crow is friends with ghosts, because no living soul wants to talk to her!" He blew a raspberry at Raven, but let go of the elfling. It would have crashed to the hard stone floor if not for Severus, who had chosen to side with Raven in a rare gesture of friendship, to underline that he was a living soul and her friend. Almost instinctively he opened his arms for the unfortunate elfling to land softly, while Peeves snickered and chanted, "Snivellus found himself a girlfriend! Snivellus found himself a girlfriend! Attention, ladies and gentlemen! Here comes Fat and Greasy," imitating Potter's voice, and at the same time the elfling turned huge, violet eyes at its saviour and whispered awestruck, "Master!"

Apparently, Severus had just got adopted by an house-elf.. "Um..." he mumbled, not knowing quite what to do with the elfling in his arms, which was still eyeing him adoringly. He glanced at Raven, looking for help, but she just started giggling. Then her stupid giggling turned to laughter, and she laughed so hard that she almost toppled over, clutching her own midriff.

First, he thought she was laughing about him, and that didn't sit well with him. For a brief moment, Severus was offended, even feeling betrayed due to her behaviour, but then he realized how ridiculous this whole situation really was. Especially when he noticed that he was now standing in a crowd of house-elves, all looking up to him in fearful anticipation. It seemed as if each and every house-elf of Hogwarts had gathered around Raven and him, and that was definitely not what he had expected when all he ever wanted was to get a late night snack.

Then, one of the elves stepped forward and started to bang its head on the floor, begging for mercy while wringing its hands. "Oh woe! Woe is me! Please, please, dear master, not punish Pinkie. It is Poldi its only offspring. Only a little elfling and Pinkie not knows. Pinkie not knows appropriate ways of house elves and behaviour."

Raven stopped laughing. One last snorting sound escaped her lips as she hurried to stop the elf from hurting itself even more, while the elfling Severus was still holding in his arms wrapped its scrawny arms around his neck, purring contentedly, "Master, my master. Pinkie found itself a master," into his ear. It sounded as if that wiry little something had been on a quest for all of its life and finally found what it's been looking for. A person it could serve, for it was in the house-elves' nature to serve somebody.

Meanwhile, Raven had managed to sooth the distressed mother of that elfling. She seemed to know quite well how to handle them, and Severus wondered where she had learned that. Most definitely her parents didn't own a house elf since they were a mixed couple- Muggle and witch- and he couldn't possibly imagine his Muggle father to ever accept such a creature in his house.

But Raven surprised him again. While they were having a late night snack of sandwiches made by the eager house-elves, enjoying a freshly brewed cup of tea, she told him about Tweety and how her mother had found an abandoned elfling on a cold winter's night some years ago. It surely would have died out there in the cold, and probably that had been the very intention of whoever had left it there, almost buried in a heap of snow. Apparently, some wizarding families didn't approve to their house-elves procreating unless they ordered them to do so.

"What about your father?" He couldn't help asking since the very idea that his own damnable Muggle father would've ever accepted such a weird magical being into his household was too absurd to even give it a second thought.

"Oh, Dad loves Tweety. But he set some rules she has to obey to. First, she has to be properly dressed and that means clothes. Second, she has to accept payment for her efforts and is not allowed to hurt herself... well, and third, she is not allowed to answer the door- ever- because it might be just the Muggle postman ringing , and it would be too tedious to _Obliviate_ him each and every day. It's also not very healthy..."

They were sipping their tea in companionable silence, munching the sandwiches that the house-elves served them to bribe them, and although no words were spoken and no definition necessary, they both knew that they were friends. Good friends. Maybe not as close as almost lovers, but definitely close enough to enjoy that very moment.

* * *

_Thanks to my lovely betas, hypnotic ink and Alabaster Princess. _

_I love reviews!  
_


	12. Spaceball Ricochet

_Today I'd like to thank all of you who put ''Children' on their story alert, and most of all to my anonymous reviewers. Thanks a lot. Your feedback is very much appreciated even if I can't reply to your reviews._

12- Spaceball Ricochet

"There's a new spell I want to learn," Severus said casually the next morning when they were heading to have breakfast in the Great Hall."Perhaps you could help me practising?"

"Tell me about it later," Raven whispered, elbowing him discreetly because Dumbledore was watching her. The headmaster smiled at her but she didn't feel comfortable under his scrutinizing glance, so she averted her eyes. Perhaps it didn't sit well with him that she had sought the comfort of another Slytherin the night before, instead of talking to uber-grandfather Dumbledore and listening to his words of wisdom. She almost chortled at that. Probably she wouldn't feel so sardonic about it now, had he ever shown true concern about her welfare after his precious Gryffindors had once more hexed her into the infirmary. But no, then he had told her outraged mother that it had merely been an unfortunate prank, over and over again.

Not many students stayed at Hogwarts during the Christmas break. In fact, their number was so little that there weren't even house tables in the Great Hall but just a big one set for all of them and their teachers.

_Great_, she thought sarcastically as she sat down next to the headmaster of all people, _that's just what I bloody need right now,_ and almost instantly she wished to have skipped breakfast. After all, she could have sneaked into the kitchens again later to have a snack with the house-elves. At least their presence was far more tolerable than the recent, being under the supervision of Mister Twinkling-Blue-Eyes. Or having to watch Professor Walrus snorting into his tea. Fortunately, she was still quite stuffed from her last night's detour to the kitchen, and she didn't even have to feign appetite since it was perfectly agreeable for a young witch- who had just lost her aunt and uncle due to tragic circumstances- to not have any.

Raven drank a cup of coffee (not a good idea) and nibbled at a slice of buttered toast, hoping this charade would end soon. Why pretend that Hogwarts stood united when in truth in was all a farce? Did anybody- did the headmaster himself- actually believe in that absurd theatre he seemed to be so fond of demonstrating?

She was glad when it was finally over and everybody could go back to their respectable common rooms. The castle was already suffocating her, and yet less than twenty hours had elapsed since her return. Then she cast a brief glance at Severus and knew why she had returned at all- it was because she had longed to be with him and, in the end, that had been a good decision. His friendship was the most precious thing to her.

The magical sky in the Great Hall held the promise of a lovely day outside the castle's walls, bright and sunny but chilly. Raven suggested to take a walk around the lake and Severus agreed.

For a little while she was the happiest witch in the whole wizarding world. Hogwarts wasn't really that bad when there were hardly any students around, especially no Marauders, and she could be with the boy she fancied.

Of course, Severus had not forgotten about the spell he wanted to practise and later, when they were back in their common room, he brought up that topic again.

"It won't hurt, will it?" Raven asked, turning big blue trusting eyes on him.

"No," he was quick to assure her, although it had been a very unpleasant feeling when the Dark Lord had invaded his mind.

"You're not going to hang me upside down in the air by my ankles again?" Now she was referring to one of his latest inventions- _Levicorpus_- which had become a very popular spell recently, after he had used it on Potter verbally, shouting out all his anger and frustration. The Marauders had sort of adopted it and made it their trademark spell, enjoying it tremendously to see someone dangling in mid-air.

"No," Severus flashed her a wry smile and stared into her eyes, focusing on the spell.

_His eyes are amazing,_ Raven thought, _so dark and so intense_...

Then he aimed his wand at her and mumbled the incantation."_Legilimens._"

It was a strange feeling but not totally unfamiliar; it reminded her of Auror Moody and his magical eye that had looked at her- into her- as if he could see straight into her head. Severus was doing the same now, only less discretely since Moody hadn't aimed his wand at her, hadn't spoken an incantation... hadn't pushed her that much. She shuddered, feeling very uncomfortable, vulnerable and somewhat exposed...

In her mind's eye she saw glimpses of recent events rushing by... the dead bodies of Drusilla and Horatio... Mad Eye Moody telling her about the decision of Auror headquarters that they had filed the case and couldn't do anything... she in her room, listening to ... Marc Bolan sitting cross-legged on stage, strumming his guitar... _book after book I get hooked every time the writer talks to me like a friend. What can I do, we just live in a zoo, all I do is play Spaceball Ricochet... _

Her trip back to Hogwarts, so full of anticipation to see Severus again...

NO! She knew he could see all of that and she didn't want him to see more. Although she liked to share her thoughts with him, he was betraying her trust now. If he dug any deeper, he would find out about her feelings for him- and she had to avoid that. He wasn't to know she was in love with him as long as he was in love with Lily Evans. She would only make a fool of herself since she was painfully aware of the fact that she couldn't possibly stand a chance against _her..._

So Raven slammed down her mental barriers- until then she hadn't even known that that was possible and was therefore surprised by the strong reaction it caused.

For the fraction of a second she saw two red, reptile-like eyes staring at her, then Severus was flung backwards by a strange force and crashed into some chairs, lying there motionless for a moment. Immediately, Raven hurried to his side and bent over him worriedly.

"Sev! Sev!" She yelled, patting his cheeks. "You alright?"..

"Aye," he grumbled as he opened his eyes to shoot her a perplexed look.

Raven breathed an audible sigh of relief while continuing to fuss over him.

Impatiently, Severus slapped her hand away and jumped to his feet, eyeing her with weird curiosity. "When the hell did you learn Occlumency?"

"Occlu- what?" She had no idea what he was talking about.

"Occlumency. The art to counter Legilimency, defending the mind against magical intrusion and-"

He felt her flat hand connecting to his cheek and clutched it in surprise, not really believing that Raven Lestrange had actually just slapped him.

"Don't you NEVER EVER- do that to me again!" She shouted, glaring at him with furiously sparkling eyes that made Severus take a step backwards. "I thought we were friends!"

He swallowed hard at the hurt in her voice, but all he could offer was the rather lame sounding, "Well, yes, we are..."

"But Sev, real friends don't go snooping through the other one's mind!" Raven heaved a sigh and reached out to gently touch the cheek she had slapped in a fit of anger and frustration, mumbling softly, "I'm sorry," because she hated how things had developed. "Real friends talk to each other. If you want to know anything, all you have to do is ask and I will answer. There's no need for such a... _trick_."

"It's called Legilimency. It's a spell and not a trick."

"That's not the point, Sev."

He knew she was angry and probably hurt because he had invaded her mind, but he was still too excited about how well it had worked, so he hardly listened to her complaints. All he could think of was how very effectively she had defied him, which led to only one conclusion. "You must be a natural Occlumens."

Raven rolled her eyes. She sat down on the nearest sofa and patted the empty space next to her as an invitation for him to take a seat. "Alright, tell me all about it. "

Severus didn't need to be told twice. While he recited his knowledge of the Mind Arts, he couldn't help noticing how very different things were with Lestrange in comparison to Lily, who undoubtedly wouldn't have spoken a single word to him for a long, long time had he dared to invade her mind. Well, Raven was definitely more impulsive- she had slapped him, she had yelled at him, but she was sitting next to him now, listening to him. There was a spark in her eyes that didn't speak of anger but of interest, the spark of curiosity. Her inquisitive nature had won over.

After Severus was done with his elaborate synopsis of the Mind Arts, there was only one last thing Raven was wondering about, especially as she recalled that fleeting moment of red, snake-like eyes staring at her just before she had pushed him out of her mind- or his spell had backfired on him, or whatever. She was almost certain now, that at this very instant, as brief as it had been, she had taken a glance at a memory of him... and that Voldemort guy. Probably they had met at the Malfoy wedding. Although Severus had told her about the wedding, he hadn't gone into details- which wasn't even necessary to draw a conclusion now, given that the Slytherin dunderheads, Mulciber and Avery, had not been beating around the bush about having met the Dark Lord. True, they had tried to keep their voices low when they boasted about the great honour that had been bestowed upon them, their pimpled teenage chests swelled with pride.

"So you met him." It was a statement, not a question.

"Who?"

"Don't take me for a fool, Sev. I'm talking about Lord Voldemort, of course."

He had the decency to not look her in the eye when he nodded, yes. A cold shiver ran down Raven's spine. She had never bothered much about the political ideas of Slytherin house, had thought them... well, just the ideas of idiotic supremacists. But how far would they go to keep their blood pure? Were the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters just a political party or a gang of terrorists, of cold-blooded murderers? The name alone alluded to the latter.

This wasn't good. No, not good at all. But she wouldn't judge her friend now, nor would she accuse him of making the wrong choice; she simply didn't know enough about Lord Voldemort. She had to find out more about him and his organisation.

In her conversation with Severus she soon noticed that he was actually more interested in learning Occlumency- the art of shielding his mind against magical intrusion. Did that mean the Dark Lord used Legilimency on his potential followers?

Of course, Raven could have condemned the Mind Arts in general now. She could have called it an evil thing that only Dark wizards and witches would use. But that simply wasn't the truth. She knew that Mad-Eye Moody had used Legilimency on her, she recalled the feeling, and she knew as well that Dumbledore had tried it, too. A famous, respectable Auror and the current headmaster of Hogwarts. Gryffindors. The supposedly very, very goody-two-shoes of the wizarding world. The brave ones that had been born with a moral compass...

She stole a glance at her friend. If he really though it the most brilliant thing in the world to join the ranks of Lord Voldemort for whatever reason- she knew he very much disliked his Muggle father, but his aversion couldn't possible go as far as to hate every Muggle just for the sins of his father- however, then why would he want to shield his mind against the magical penetration of his leader? The only plausible explanation was that he didn't trust him with his feelings, his thoughts, and that was a good thing. A very wise notion.

Raven decided that she had to help him with that. Of course, she didn't have any real knowledge of Legilimency or Occlumency, but apparently her defensive skills had impressed him. Severus wanted to know how she'd done it.

"Well," she shrugged, "I'd had it with you snooping through my mind, so I simply kicked you- literally- out of my head." It wasn't that simple, though, and hers was definitely not the most elegant, let alone the most unobtrusive tactic. "I'm wondering," she continued thoughtfully, "if somebody is invading your privacy and trying to figure out your innermost thoughts- wouldn't it make more sense to show him what he wants to see? I mean, instead of giving him a mental kick in the arse?"

"Indeed." Severus was impressed- that was exactly the right approach, so hers was a good idea. Provided, of course, you had a capable sparring partner to practise with. He glanced at Raven, pondering how he should propose that idea to her.

"Alright, then." To his surprise, she seemed to know immediately what was on his mind and was even willing to acquiesce to it, but then she set the rules. "I agree to help you with that- under one condition. When I say stop, you will stop at once. No more pushing, no more dragging. Just end it. Do I make myself clear?"

Severus agreed; he thought it was a good arrangement.

They called Pinkie for a late night tea in the Slytherin common room and enjoyed the silence, the absence of their house mates. Next day, all the students would be back to Hogwarts, and then everything would be back to usual.

For a short time it seemed as if Lily, Severus and Raven could revive their old friendship, but in fact they had already grown apart too much. So it was more like a truce, disregarding the animosities between their respectable houses to celebrate both Severus' and Lily's birthday in perfect harmony.

Severus received an owl from Lucius Malfoy but kept quiet about it, not showing Raven the slightest glimpse of it during their Mental Arts training sessions, and she didn't push him either.

Lily's birthday was at the end of January. Severus gave her a pretty scarf that matched the colour of her eyes, and she truly looked very beautiful and happy as she kissed his cheek to thank him. Raven felt a stab of jealousy because he had such a rapt expression on his face. Of course, he longed to have more than just friendship with Lily, but even the friendship they had stood on wobbly feet.

It made Raven sad to see him craving so much for what he would never get. There was such a hunger in his eyes when he glanced at Lily- as if she was the only one who ever cared about him. But St Lily-on-the-pedestal did not care. At least not in the way he deserved. She didn't even consider him as possible love interest, because to her he would always be the little boy with unkempt hair and mismatched clothes living in an unfortunate neighbourhood. And Lily treated him like a stray dog begging for affection- she'd pat his head and wash her hands thoroughly afterwards.

She didn't deserve him, Raven concluded. Most of all, Lily didn't deserve being raised on a pedestal by Severus, not if she was too blind to see how very wonderful he was.

Instead, she told Raven about the boys she thought cute. Pretty boys, popular boys. Dazzlers, like Ewan McFarlan and Marvin Bode. Still not getting how much Severus cared about her because he had not yet filed a petition for being Sorted into Gryffindor, because he kept on hanging around with those dreadful Slytherins that were his house mates.

Although Lily was quite a bright young witch, she failed to see that getting along with his house mates was essential for a half-blood to survive in Slytherin house. Or perhaps she actually believed that Severus could have persuaded Dumbledore to put him into Gryffindor.

Of course it pained Severus to see his precious Lily flirting with other boys- Valentine's Day was approaching, so naturally she wanted a date. And, as popular as she was, there were many possible candidates queuing to get her attention. Even Potter possessed the audacity to ask her out, but fortunately she turned him down, still thinking him an arrogant toerag.

Severus was pleased to hear that. It bugged him tremendously that his worst fiend was prancing around his best friend like a prized peacock during spring display, puffing himself up, showing off with his Quidditch skills. Luckily, Lily was way too clever to fall for such a poser.

What he didn't know, though, was that although Lily considered Potter an arrogant toerag, she thought him quite an attractive one.

In the end, after Lily had successfully turned down Potter's proposal, she decided to go to Hogsmeade with her giggling Gryffindor girls so they could have lots of girl talk and a few rounds of Butterbeer. She asked Raven if she would like to join them- Lily was such a good person, she couldn't stand the idea of anyone having to spend Valentine's Day all on their own.

"It will be fun," she said.

Raven very much doubted that. First, there was nothing she could talk about with Lily's friends, absolutely no common interest, since she was neither interested in wizarding fashion nor did she read Witch Weekly. And second, she didn't like Butterbeer. What other kids thought the height of cool only made her gag. Lily should have known that.

So Raven declined politely. She really wished she had a date for Valentine's Day. A real date, so that Lily wouldn't have to pity her and hence feel obliged to invite her. Besides, she wouldn't mind to snog someone. Preferably Sev, but since that wasn't an option and she wanted to spare herself another fiasco like last year's 'date' with him chasing after Lily, she now kept her eyes open, looking for a possible alternative. Sort of a _substitute_ crush.

She was a young, modern 20th century witch. She lived in the seventies, she believed in emancipation and women's liberation; she wanted to have fun. And although she didn't believe in the spirit of '68 and their dogma that one already belonged to the establishment if he or she slept with the same person twice, she nevertheless believed in her right to gain experience.

Of course, she would have favored to gain experience with Severus- lots of experience. Alas, he was fixated on Lily. Life was such a bitch

Although she kept looking for someone else to stir her interest, chances were low. Most of the older boys of her year or above still remembered her being called 'Fat Crow' by Potter and his Marauders. It didn't matter that she was quite a handsome young witch now, she had her reputation and besides, she was a Slytherin. Which meant she was unpopular- a persona non grata- and therefore not datable. And it certainly didn't help either that she was hanging around with Severus Snape so often.

Her fellow house mates, however, were racist morons, the by-product of centuries of inbreeding that almost even failed at spelling their name right. If only they were attractive! After all, Raven was looking for someone to snog and that meant they wouldn't even have to talk much, let alone about political matters. Avery didn't look too bad, but there was a cold and mean glint in his eyes, therefore he was unkissable. The little Black was quite cute but much too young.

It was so frustrating! Mind, Raven wasn't looking for a Prince Charming, a white knight on a white horse that would sweep her off her feet and ride with her into the sunset so that they lived happily ever after. No, all she wanted was to have a little fun- until Severus finally realized that she was a girl and available.

But having fun at Hogwarts wasn't easy. Why wasn't there a boy like Miguel, her summer holiday flirt for the last two years? And wasn't it ironic that only Muggle boys seemed to give her the attention she thought she deserved? Sometimes she really missed him- sweet Miguel with his big brown eyes and cappuccino skin, tousled dark hair in the evening breeze, son of a Majorcan fisherman. He smelled of pine and the sea, and unfortunately he was very far away now. Well, and probably he'd run very, very fast if he ever found out she was a witch. Those Spaniards were so very Catholic, it wouldn't sit well with him.

The morning of Valentine's Day, Raven wondered how daft and clueless the usually quite intelligent Severus Snape could be. For an instant her heart had beaten faster because he had actually suggested to go to Hogsmeade together- before he mentioned that he was to meet Lucius Malfoy there.

Of course she hadn't expected a date. She wasn't stupid, she knew he still hoped that one day Lily would come to love him. And she wished she had the heart to tell him that that was just wishful thinking. Perhaps just as illusory as the hopes she still held up high.

But aside of that, Raven was also a tad worried because Lucius Malfoy was not to be trusted. On the other hand, it seemed to be typical for Severus to seek company of influential pure-bloods. He really had a serious problem with self-esteem if he thought he needed the likes of Malfoy to find his place in wizarding society. But what bothered her most was Malfoy's obvious association with the Dark Lord. She sincerely doubted that he and his Death Eaters were merely a political party, and she also doubted it would do Severus any good to join them or even spend too much time with them- although that was just a gut feeling she didn't have any proof for.

_What can I do about it?_ Raven pondered at breakfast. She couldn't chain herself to Severus' leg and throw away the keys. No, that would be quite counter-productive, since such an attitude would merely land her in the same position as Lily, who was always so eager to shout 'evil!' and blame him for doing wrong. Raven had to be more clever and come up with incontrovertible facts; she had to find out all about that Voldemort guy.

Her thoughts got distracted when Sirius Black came prancing into the Great Hall, wearing Muggle clothes. And not just any Muggle clothes, not in the mismatched way most wizards wore them if they had to, but he actually looked quite fashionable with his tight-fitting jeans and an old, grungy leather jacket.

Later, as they queued to leave the castle in order to proceed to Hogsmeade, Raven couldn't resist to brandish her wand and fling a light stinging hex at his bum, given how delicious it looked in those jeans. Blame it on teenage hormones that he appeared dashing and almost provokingly rebellious to her.

To her surprise, he didn't hex her back but turned around with a winning smile that didn't even falter upon noticing _who_ had just magically slapped his buttocks. If possible, it brightened even more... until he elbowed Potter, telling him much louder than necessary that apparently the Fat Crow had taken a great fancy to him.

Potter glared at her, Pettigrew chuckled almost hysterically as if Black had just cracked the greatest joke ever, while Lupin was once again absent. But they didn't do anything because Professor McGonagall was watching them closely, and even the infamous Marauders didn't possess the nerve to hex fellow students under her stern glance.

"What's the point of that?" Sev hissed at her, once they were outside the castle walls and heading towards Hogsmeade.

"Ah, just a little Stinging Hex," Raven replied nonchalantly, not showing how easy it was to develop just the tiniest of a secret crush on Sirius Black. Of course he was a moron. But handsome. And he would be even more appealing if only he kept his big mouth shut. Then he might actually be quite kissable... on the other hand, fancying him was probably just as hopeless a case as it was to be in love with Severus, so she gave up the idea as soon as it had occurred to her.

They were on level with the Forbidden Forest when Raven suddenly stopped dead in her tracks, almost instantly forgetting about Sirius Black and boys in general. She grabbed Severus' arm. "Look!"

She pointed into nothingness. Specks of white, wet, thawing snow in front of a dark line of trees that marked the Forbidden Forest. There was nothing to be seen that could have piqued her interest,

nothing unusual.

"What?" Severus hissed impatiently; he didn't want to be late for his meeting with Lucius Malfoy- certainly the prestigious pure-blood had better things to do with his precious time that waiting for a dallying teenager.

"Can't you see them?" She whispered excitedly, pulling at his sleeves. "There! Thestrals!"

It took Raven a moment to finally realize that indeed he could not see them, since Thestrals were only visible to those who had already seen death. Oh, but they were such amazing creatures. Not exceptionally beautiful in the common meaning of the word, but decidedly unique in their appearance- black bodies, skeletal and reptilian alike, with dragon wings. A morbid mixture of beauty and horror. Some skinny foals of almost charming ugliness were frolicking in the snow, and she really wished she could share that sight with him.

An idea struck her and she turned to face him. "Look at me," she offered, opening her mind to him.

They had practised the use of Occlumency and Legilimency on a regular basis ever since the beginning of this year, and were both quite apt already at passing information that way.

Raven concentrated on the scene in front of her, and through her eyes, Severus could actually see the Thestrals. The ghost of a smile flitted over his features as he stared mesmerized at the macabre beasties and the way she saw them. So full of wonder, although they weren't pretty- not like unicorns or some of the magical creatures that Lily was fascinated with.

"I have to leave now," Severus said, sounding almost guilty because he had enjoyed the walk from Hogwarts to Hogsmeade with Lestrange, and in particular that very special moment she had shared with him, seeing Thestrals. But Lucius Malfoy was already waiting for him, he noticed upon leaving High Street and turning around a corner to where the Hog's Head Tavern was located.

Although Malfoy was trying to be as unobtrusive as possible as he stood in the shadows of the tavern, he was decidedly not an inconspicuous person. He would always stand out with his long silver-blond hair and the posh, expensive robes he was wearing.

"Severus, my friend," Lucius greeted him. "Glad you could make it."

"I apologize for being late," Severus offered immediately, but Malfoy wouldn't hear any of that.

"Nonsense," the pure-blood drawled as he checked his watch; it was golden and adorned with many tiny sparking diamonds. "You're perfectly on time. By the way, who was that charming little witch?"

Severus looked around, then he realized that Malfoy must have referred to Raven Lestrange. But before he could answer, Lucius continued.

"Do you fancy her?"

"Er.. we're just study partners." He didn't say _friends _because that was none of Malfoy's concern. Severus knew Lestrange disliked Lucius Malfoy and he appreciated it very much that nevertheless, she had not tried to talk him out of meeting the pure-blood. So, probably he was even doing her a favour if he didn't mention their friendship to the elder wizard; he wanted to avoid her being dragged into the spotlight of Malfoy's attention.

"Very well, very well," Lucius smirked as if he didn't quite believe his young friend- although he had absolutely no clue whatever was going on in the boy's mind, since his expression was blank, almost inscrutable. "Still waters run deep, eh?" Lucius chuckled slightly now and patted Severus' shoulder. "Anyway, I'm pleased to see you're not hanging around with that Gryffindor Mudblood anymore."

Severus was wise enough to not rectify that.

"Now, my friend, are you ready for a trip that will change your life?"

_Yes!_ Severus thought, his life could definitely use a change for the better, and so he accepted Malfoy taking him on a Side-Along Apparition trip to... wherever...

What had he expected? Without much doubt, a secret hideout in the middle of nowhere, a lonely hut in the highlands, a forlorn cave by the sea- any remote place in wizarding Britain where he might meet the Dark Lord again. And he was prepared for that. He even anticipated it.

Most definitely he had not expected Lucius Malfoy to take him to Diagon Alley, the far end of it. They stood outside a two-storey building; a discreet sign next to the door read, _Madam Marguerite's_.

Severus glanced surreptitiously at his companion, who seemed to be a regular patron of whatever this place was, given how the two doormen greeted him. They bowed deeply and let him pass.

Inside, it was very dim... only a few candles were burning, spreading a cosy light with a somewhat reddish hue. A matron, dressed in red robes, welcomed them. She looked quite pretty, despite the fact that she was old enough to be Severus' mother, and she talked to Lucius- whom she called 'Lord Malfoy'- in a quiet, pleasant voice before she glanced at Severus and offered him a warm, friendly, and very welcoming smile.

He smiled back as good as he could, while wishing he had managed to overhear what they had been talking about. That moment, a waitress carrying a plate of steaming asparagus and some mussels walked past them and disappeared through one of the many doors. Was this a restaurant? And if it was, why was the attending witch wearing so... so- well, so very little clothing? Her transparent robes revealed more than they hid, and then the friendly matron ushered her two newest guests through a door into a room that looked like a bar, and there were even more scarcely clad girls- or witches- attending to patrons sitting in dimly lit niches.

Severus' eyes widened. He noticed that occasionally... or actually, quite frequently... one of the mostly male customers of _Madam Marguerite's_ rose to follow one of the girls to- wherever. Probably to some upstairs rooms.

After realizing that, it didn't take Severus long to come to the conclusion that Lucius Malfoy must have taken him to a very exclusive brothel as a belated birthday surprise.


	13. Welcome to my Nightmare

thanks to my lovely betas, hypnotic ink and Alabaster Princess. You girls rock!

* * *

13 Welcome to my nightmare

Severus returned to Hogwarts only minutes before curfew. He entered the castle unnoticed and hurried down the staircase to the dungeons. Fortunately, the corridors were almost deserted, since he wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone now. Unlike most of the other boys, he preferred to not boast with his experience- and what an experience it had been! Exciting, overwhelming, and somewhat embarrassing.

_Of course, he told Lucius he could not accept his generous offer. He wasn't a charity case, he didn't need others to buy him anything, and most definitely not sexual experience. His pride told him to leave Madam Marguerite's the very moment he'd figured out the nature of this establishment, but his treacherous teenage body had made him stay. Naturally, he was curious. He was also very aware of the fact that his physical appearance wouldn't win him a fair witch's heart; he wasn't as handsome as pretty boy Black nor as athletic as the Quidditch champion Potter. This_ _was his chance- not only to get laid, but also of being accepted in the elitist circles of pure-blood society. He had to stand his man. It just wouldn't do to be prissy about the situation, only because he had always dreamed his first time would be with Lily. But most certainly the Dark Lord wouldn't admit a sissy into his ranks and Severus knew that joining Lord Voldemort was his best chance if he wanted to achieve something in his life. It would gain him recognition, and then Lily would come to love him. But if gossip spread that he had fled a brothel, the taunting that was sure to follow would be merciless._

_He didn't want to be called _Snivellus_ for the rest of his life, and so he stayed. _

The Slytherin common room was nearly empty, except for Lestrange sitting by the fireplace, doing some revising. Usually, Severus didn't mind her company, but today he would have preferred to be alone. He thought about Disillusioning himself so he could sneak to the bathroom unnoticed- he was feeling dirty somehow and in desperate need of a shower.

Alas, as usual, luck wasn't on his side. Or Lestrange had sort of a magical radar for spotting him when he wasn't in the mood for her idle chit-chat. And of course she wanted to know where he had been.

"That's none of your business," he snapped, but almost regretted it when he saw her face fall. Yes, they were friends and she was not to blame for his mood- he knew that and yet, was a moment of solitude really too much to ask for?

_I'm sorry for worrying about you when you were gone all day with Lucius Malfoy_, Raven wanted to snap back, because she had indeed been worrying about him, that he'd do something incredibly stupid like joining the Dark Lord. But then she scented the faint whiff of cheap perfume wafting from him and she almost laughed out loud with relief, because she now had an idea where he had been- or, to be more precise, where Malfoy had taken him. Naturally, as a member of a proud pure-blood house, she knew about some pure-blood traditions. After all, her fellow house mates talked about traditions all the time and the girls in her dormitory gossiped a lot when they thought Raven was fast asleep.

Usually, it was the father who took his son to a house of pleasure, for the pure-blood offspring to learn how to wield his wand and become a man, but it wasn't unheard of either that an elder brother or a mentor filled in when it came to the introduction to life part.

She knew very well that this wasn't about love at all, and yet the very notion that Severus had just been laid caused a nasty sting in her heart, and she was almost jealous at the whore who had been given the favour of making him a man. If he wanted to gain experience, why hadn't he asked her?She would have been more than willing to comply to his needs.

But the expression on his face told her he wasn't overly happy with the outcome of circumstances either, and that the whole situation had been sort of forced upon him by Lucius Malfoy. Anyway, that was still so much better than having to face her worst concern.

"I... I'll take a shower now," Severus managed to stammer, not quite like his usual eloquent self. What undid him most was the way Lestrange glanced at him, knowingly, without asking any more questions as if she had already figured him out. She knew what he had done. And that was probably what gave him the creeps and made him feel even more dirty than before.

He could smell it now, the cheap perfume of the girl- whore- was still lingering on him as a reminder of what he had experienced, and he quickly scampered off for the bathroom. Never in his life had he needed a hot shower that much!

It was so embarrassing! While taking a shower, his body reacted in remembrance of memories he wanted to forget, and he looked down at his private parts in disgust. Was he really that weak? Of course, the teenager in him was thrilled about his first shag, the way it had felt to spill himself into-No. He discarded those thoughts just as quickly as they popped up in his mind. He wouldn't get anywhere in life if he was wearing his heart on his sleeve, and besides, the girl meant nothing to him. She wasn't Lily. Actually, she was the complete opposite of Lily- but she had been sweet and kind, making him feel wanted...

Severus gave his body a hard scrub to dispel any erotic thoughts he was having due to her rosy cheeks, her soft blonde hair, the way she had aroused him... a pretty little dunderhead. Not at all like Lily. Not even like Lestrange- why was he thinking about her now? True, he still remembered his body reacting to her that day she had sought his comfort, cuddling up to him, but that was just a natural reaction of a pubescent teenager enjoying the warmth and proximity of a female body in his arms. It didn't mean anything. He wasn't in love with Lestrange. He appreciated her company most of the time, but that was it. She wasn't Lily.

Winter turned to spring, and many of the fifth years were starting to panic because the OWLs were inevitably drawing closer. The Marauders didn't seem to care- probably they thought that hexing students in the corridors or outside on the grounds was just another form of revising- while some of their female class mates had to be taken to Madam Pomfrey for a Calming Draught.

Lily insisted on studying hard since she intended to pass her OWLs with top marks. Severus didn't mind at all. He wanted to do exceptionally well in his exams, too, and every minute spent with Lily was precious. Usually, Raven would join them in the library. She also had high aims, but most of all she enjoyed spending time with Severus.

On a pleasantly warm and sunny spring day, Lily persuaded Severus to meet her outside at the lake for studying, and he had given in simply because he couldn't refuse her request. He would have preferred to stay inside, in the library, but things were strained enough between them recently that he didn't wish to argue about something as meaningless.

So he was sitting at the lake now, waiting for Lily to show up while reading in his favourite book. _Advanced Potion-Making_ by Libatius Borage, his mother's old textbook. And although he wouldn't start with Advanced Potions until next year, he already knew most of the potions anyway; he had even scribbled down alterations to the text where he thought Borage's methods were ineffective. Also, the margins were filled with his spidery crawl about the spells he was working on. Some of them, like Levicorpus, were quite popular among his peers- much to his dismay, since Potter and his gang of unimaginative idiots just loved to use Severus' own creations on him.

Thinking of Potter, he came up with an idea. He had just written down the word 'for enemies' when Lily and Raven were approaching him.

"Hi Sev," Raven chimed cheerfully as she unceremoniously let herself drop on a blotch of fresh green grass next to him. Stretching her legs, she popped herself up on her elbows and sighed contentedly. "What a beautiful day! I'm so glad it's finally getting warmer."

"What are you reading?" Lily asked.

Severus closed the book to show her the cover, but she had already noticed that he sought to hide something from her and indeed, he didn't want her to see the spells he was working on because he knew she wouldn't approve anyway. Alas, when Lily was determined to get her way there was hardly a way to stop her. She snatched the book from his hands and started flickering through its pages.

"Hey, give it back!"

"What's that? _Langlock_?" Lily read, frowning.

Raven was glad that Lily hadn't pointed her wand at them while speaking the incantation, because then they wouldn't have been able to answer.

"Nothing." Severus said with a mulish scowl as he grabbed back his book and placed it where his best friend couldn't reach it.

"Nothing? It sounds like a spell to me."

"It's more like a jinx, actually," Raven interfered helpfully, but that didn't please Lily either.

"You know?" She snapped incredulously. "Don't you know it's dangerous, playing around with magic?"

"I beg your pardon?" Raven sat up. She had absolutely no clue why Lily was making such a fuss now, but she was soon to learn as her friend started to lecture about rules, regulations and responsibility. _Why can't she just see how brilliant he is_? She wondered, and then she was glad that Lily didn't because otherwise she would have definitely lost the boy she loved to her rival. Nevertheless, she wished that Lily would be just as fierce when it was about condemning Potter and his miscreants. But no, they were apparently allowed to taunt Severus, and to attack him four on one, and it was always his fault. Was she really too thick to see why he was inventing all these spells?

"It's not approved!" Lily concluded.

"Ah, and who approves to what is right and what is wrong?"

"Do you ever pay attention in your Defence against the Dark Arts classes? The Ministry of-"

"Are you referring to the bunch of corrupt bureaucrats and their arbitrary whims of ruling the wizarding world, without ever having been properly elected in a free and democratic election? Actually, just any freak could take over the Ministry, as long as he or she is powerful enough."

"You refuse to understand the seriousness of my concern! To me it seems you are merely looking for excuses, but the Dark Arts are dangerous."

"True," Raven agreed, which made Lily smile quite self-righteously, while Severus was still sitting there rooted to the spot, listening with curiosity to the argument of the two witches. He was surprised to detect a fair hint of suppressed animosity towards Lily in Raven's voice, which he had never noticed before, and he wondered about that.

"But we're talking about magic in general," Raven continued, "and the magic is within us. It's neither black nor white, it just is. Therefore we're not playing around with some uncontrollable force- of course, we're here at Hogwarts to learn how to master and hone our skills. But... well, why not draw a comparison to... er, learning to play an instrument, for example? You can learn to read the notes and you'll be able to cover the melodies someone else wrote, but being a great guitarist means to work creatively and with originality, which requests talent to improvise-"

"You're much too focussed on your stupid music groups!" Lily cut in.

"Alright, then take Muggle science as another example. We'd still be living in mediaeval times had not some bright mind come up with electricity-"

"You cannot compare that! Electricity is not evil whereas the Dark Arts are, and experimenting with magic is dangerous. You refuse to understand my point."

"As you refuse to understand mine. But it's always the narrow-minded moralists who misunderstand the brilliance of a mind and cry evil at everything they don't know- just like Galileo was made to recant his theory that the sun moves around the earth."

"There's no point in discussing this topic any longer if you fail to see reason. **I** worry about Severus whereas **you** seem to support the dark way he is heading. And I thought you were his friend," Lily said sadly as she ended the discussion by turning around and walking away.

Severus was angry and disappointed- he had been looking forward to spend some time with Lily, and first he blamed Raven for making her leave. But why did Lily always have to nag about the things he did? The spells he created, the people he was hanging around with?

"Real friends shouldn't have to change just to please the other," Raven mumbled almost inaudible as she watched Lily leaving. She didn't get that far, though. After a few steps she ran straight into James Potter. Now where did that git came from? Was he spying on them?

Potter spread his arms out wide but Lily managed to skip his embrace.

"Oi, Evans, tell me that the greasy oddball is bothering you and it'll be my pleasure to hex him into next week," he offered, cocking a flirtatious brow at her.

Severus jumped to his feet. The very idea that Potter might fancy Lily made his stomach churn. Oh, he despised this Gryffindork so very much! Bloody James Potter, the popular Quidditch champion, the pretty rich boy- now he'd have to work even harder at his skills to become powerful and therefore worthy of Lily's love.

"Leave me alone," Lily sobbed as she brushed past Potter, and the thought that she was probably crying because of him almost broke Severus' heart. She had expressed her worries, which meant she cared for him- on the other hand, he had heard what Raven had said about friends...

"What have you done to her, Snivellus?" Potter demanded. He planted himself in front of Severus, his cronies lurking behind his back.

"Mind your own business, Potter," Severus sneered while surreptitiously fingering for his wand.

"Since Evans is in my house and you are naught but a slimy Slytherin, this is my business."

"Just sod off!" Raven interjected as she stood by Severus' side. She was still mightily upset from the argument with Lily and therefore in the right mood to give some vent, even if she knew she was in an inferior position when it came to duelling the Marauders. But with Sev at her side she felt strong.

"Nobody talked to you, Fat Crow." Potter aimed his wand at her.

"_Expelliarmus_!" Severus shouted.

The spell did not only cause Potter's wand to fly out of his hand, it also send him backwards, tumbling into his cronies. Pettigrew lost balance and landed in the grass. Lupin appeared flabbergasted, trying to figure out what was the right thing to do now. Considering he was a prefect, he should have intervened to end the impending fight. But that was apparently not in his nature. He just watched Black firing a jinx at Snape.

"_Protego_!" Raven yelled, blocking Black's jinx before it could harm Severus.

Meanwhile, Potter had retrieved his wand and gotten to his feet again. Now he laughed out loud. "Isn't that cute? The ugly git needs a fat crow to protect him and they live happily ever after in grease!"

"He he," Pettigrew snickered. "Good one, James! In grease, he he..."

"Well, greasy hair can be washed," Raven snapped, glaring at Pettigrew whom she despised even more than Potter, simply because of his attitude to brown-nose the biggest bully in the playground so he'd be off the hook, "but the slime trail you're leaving in your wake is everlasting."

"Great, let's wash the greasy hair," Potter cheered and shouted, "_Aguamenti_!"

A fountain of water shot from his wand, aimed directly at Severus. Before he could take cover, Black cast an Impediment Curse on him that slowed him down, so the jet of water hit him straight in the face.

Pettigrew giggled almost hysterical now, bopping up and down with delight. But only an instant later his face fell and he appeared as if he was choking on something. He gagged, vomiting a fat, slimy slug... it was the first of many to follow.

Potter and Black didn't pay him much heed, although Pettigrew was frantically looking at them. He would have called for help if only he could, but every time he opened his mouth to speak, he had to throw up another of the slimy slugs.

Raven smirked wickedly.

In the meantime, Severus had managed to counter Black's curse- though with difficulties, since Potter was still giving him a shower. Nevertheless, he raised his wand and fired a Revulsion Jinx at Potter; it came with a flash of purple light and caused the Gryffindor to back off. The air was suddenly filled with the sizzling sound of water dripping on a hot stone as Severus' wand emitted fiery sparks, and then the steam of evaporating water took on the form of a large serpent that spiralled up high before whooshing down again to attack Potter.

Almost at the same time, Black noticed that Raven must have hexed Pettigrew (since he was vomiting slugs) so he turned to hex her in return. It didn't go quite as well as expected, because he threatened her with a large bouquet of flowers- orchids, to be more precise.

"Growing soft, Black?" Raven sneered at him. Alright, he was kind of cute, the way he stared flabbergasted at the orchids, and mayhap that was a poor attempt at flirting with her, although- Merlin forbid- he would never openly admit any interest in her. After all, she was a Slytherin and he was a Gryffindor. It was even possible that he thought her pretty or wondered how it would be to bed her, and it was true, he did have a delicious bum, but that fact seemed to pale in comparison to his obvious character flaws.

He attempted to send a Jelly-Fingers curse at her so that she would lose grip of her wand, but all he managed was a Jelly-Legs Jinx. So now her feet started to wobble uncontrollably and she almost stumbled to the ground with her wand still directed at him.

For a short moment they just stared at each other. Lupin was awkwardly patting Pettigrew's back as the boy cringed while continuing to vomit slugs. Potter fired some spells at Severus which he all blocked. Black decided it was about time to help his mate and so he turned away from Raven.

But before he could interfere in the duel an over-sized boarhound dog came yapping, excitedly wagging its tail. It sniffed at Black and looked expectantly at the young wizard; its 'woof' sounded like an invitation. _Come and play with me._

There was something strangely _off_ with the dog's behaviour- Raven couldn't quiet put her fingers on what it was precisely. Of course, the dog belonged to Hagrid, the gamekeeper, and the Marauders were familiar with him, so naturally the beast would recognise Black.

"Hullo boys!" Hagrid shouted jovially as he appeared at the scene. "You alright?"

Potter and Black lowered their wands to flash Hagrid an innocent smile, then Potter suddenly raised an accusing finger at Severus. "Snape hexed Peter! He's belching up slugs!"

"I didn't!" Severus protested. He had quickly hidden his wand, not wanting to stand out as the aggressor of this fight- which he wasn't. The Gryffindors had started it. But it wasn't likely that anybody believed him, and especially not this big oaf. Fortunately, Hagrid wasn't a teacher, so he couldn't give detentions or take points. He merely came up with the very wise idea that the Marauders should take their slug-vomiting mate to the infirmary. And so they morosely toddled off, Pettigrew in their middle.

Severus was mightily pissed off when they walked back to the castle, and although that wasn't anything new, it surprised Raven that his anger was directed at her.

"I didn't need your help!"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Stop interfering-"

"Would you prefer me to stand by and watch them hexing you?"

"They think I'm weak, a coward, if a witch has to come for my defence."

Now Raven bristled. "Stop!" She was in front of him and blocked his way, grabbing his arms. "You will stop and listen to me. And you will stop being such a stupid git. The only ones who act cowardly are these blasted Marauders because they always attack four on one. What's your problem, Sev? It's not a sign of weakness if you accept the help of a friend. You can't expect me to watch them bullying you if there's a better chance of defeating them when it's four on two. And please don't come up with such crap that I'm just a girl."

"But-"

"I don't want to hear any buts. I'm your friend, Sev, and friends help each other. Get used to it."

Severus shook off Raven's hands and walked on, mulling over her words. His best friend was Lily, but Lily had never actively joined in a fight with the Marauders. She would chide him for letting them provoke him, and she would remind him of the rule that duelling wasn't allowed in the corridors or in the grounds.

After walking in silence until they reached the entrance door, Severus suddenly cocked a brow at Raven. "What was that spell you used on Pettigrew?"

Raven laughed and linked arms with him. As they headed for the dungeons, she told him all about that particular spell.

The Whomping Willow was a tree planted alone in the middle of the school grounds. It was a very violent representative of its kind because it attacked anyone who came near the reach of its branches, but that wouldn't stop kids from playing a game, trying to get close enough to touch the trunk. But when a boy almost lost an eye in this game, the students of Hogwarts were forbidden to go near that dangerous tree.

"Is it full moon again?" Severus asked as he spotted Madam Pomfrey leading Lupin towards the willow. The tree lashed out at her but suddenly it stopped as if paralysed.

"Hm," Raven replied. She would have to check the moon calender again, but according to her notes there was indeed a strange coincidence with the mysterious illness of Lupin (or his mother), his monthly disappearance and the full moon. She glanced at Severus. "Do you know that Remus was one of the twin founders of Rome? In myth, Romulus and Remus were left to die in the wild but they were found by a she-wolf who suckled them."

"Ugh."

"Yeah- gross, isn't it?"

"I want to know where they're going," Severus muttered, suspicious of everything a Marauder was doing since they were notorious rule-breakers and he wanted nothing more than getting them expelled. It had become a fixed idea of his, almost an obsession.

Therefore he wasn't thinking quite clearly when he overheard Black telling Pettigrew about a trick, that all you had to do was to prod the knot on the tree-trunk and the Whomping Willow would let you in to a tunnel, a secret passageway...

That was all Severus needed to know. He would find out the secret about Lupin's monthly disappearance.

"Why are you telling me that, Sirius?" Pettigrew asked kind of confused, because he knew that already.

Black just chuckled and patted his friend's shoulder. Then he said, "'cause the greasy git was lurking around the corner, spying on us. Snivellus is trying to get us expelled, and we can't let that happen, can we?"

"Splendid idea, Sirius!" Pettigrew gushed. "You're so very right- we can't let that happen."

"What can we not let happen?" Potter interjected as he joined his friends. Curiously, he glanced from Peter to Sirius, who wore a smug smile on his face.

"Mate, I just came up with a brilliant solution to rid us off that slimy Slytherin." Black told him, but to his surprise, James wasn't pleased with his brilliant idea at all.

"Dear Merlin," he gasped, "we have to stop him! What if Snape finds out about Remus the hard way? They will blame Remus- and we'll all end up in Azkaban."

Raven was anxiously waiting for Severus. She hadn't seen him all afternoon, had missed him at dinner, and now it was already past curfew and he still hadn't returned to the Slytherin common room. All of her fellow house-mates had gone to bed already, but she was sitting by the fireplace, waiting for him.

She pretended to be reading a book; she didn't even know its title. The letters made no sense to her, as if they were refusing to form coherent words or sentences. Instead they kept on blurring into meaninglessness...

_What has happened?_

She knew he was hoping to get the Marauders expelled, but that was just as crazed an idea of his as it was to hope for Lily Evans to fall in love with him. None of it would come true. Oh, she really hoped he wasn't doing anything stupid!

It was full moon- and that worried her the most. Severus was so keen on finding out where Lupin was going every month at the full moon. They said he was ill, or his mother was ill, but there was only one _disease_ that befell people each full moon. Lycanthropy. The transformation of a human being into a wolf. A beast. A werewolf.

Somehow Raven failed to see a beast in Lupin, the boy who always stood aside when his friends hexed Severus Lupin, the prefect, who feared to exercise control over his buddies in case they might think him a spoil sport.

She shook her head. It didn't seem to fit and yet there was no better theory.

If only Sev had bothered to tell her what he was up to. But no, he seemed to believe he had to handle everything on his own, instead of relying on her friendship. _What are friends for if they don't stand by each other_? She wondered, and it made her feel a little sad to imagine that he didn't trust her completely.

The door of the common room opened and Severus came in. Finally! Raven stood- and noticed immediately that something was very, very wrong. He looked horrible, like death warmed over. Although he was always pale, now he was as white as a sheet which made his black eyes appear even bigger, darker- _colder. _So utterly lost, but at the same time also very agitated as if he was in an inner turmoil and something was wearing him down, eating him up from inside.

She had seen pictures of shell-shocked soldiers coming home from a war, and he reminded her of them.

"Sev! What in Merlin's name happened to you?"

He wanted to push her aside or yell at her to leave him alone, but he lacked the energy to do so. Severus despised himself for being so weak. He wanted to hex her, hex anyone and give vent to his anger and frustration, but most of all he wanted the peace of mind she offered when she opened her arms for him. Of course, he could have still brushed past her... if only he weren't so very tired. Weary to the bone and emotionally exhausted, he let her hold him, and he only realized now, in the safety of her hug, that he was shaking all over. _So miserably weak..._

She just held him, fortunately without babbling, without uttering a single word. And it felt good being held by her. Lestrange was so warm- he hadn't noticed how cold he was. It was the sort of coldness that chilled you from deep inside, making you numb, unfeeling and calloused; an iciness that ate your heart and soul and spat you out emotionally crippled.

She gave him warmth. Like a gentle summer breeze trickling through his veins, she radiated a warmth that came along with compassion. Slowly, she ushered him to a sofa and made him sit down. Then she called for Pinkie to bring them some tea. His hands were trembling as he held the teacup in his hands; he stared at them in bewilderment.

"What happened, Sev?"

Her voice was soft and comforting, but it sounded as if it came from a long distance. Besides, he didn't need comfort. He didn't want to be weak, he needed to be strong. Only fools showed their emotions and he wasn't a fool. Alas, he wasn't that strong either.

"Can't tell ya," Severus muttered, barely looking at the girl. His hair, lank, dirty and greasy, fell in curtains to hide his face.

"All right." She sounded disappointed because he didn't seem to trust her. But things weren't that easy. He trusted her- probably more than anyone else except Lily. And yet he couldn't tell Raven. He just couldn't. He wasn't allowed to.

"I can't... believe me, I would if I could... but..."

She reached out and caressed his dirty, greasy hair, tucking a strand behind his ear so she could look at him. It was a gesture that almost undid him. He had to swallow hard to not start weeping, and he hated himself for lacking self-control.

Finally, Severus lifted his eyes to meet hers for a brief moment. She caught a fleeting glimpse of his deep, inner turmoil. He was agitated and almost dying to tell her why, but something kept him from speaking.

"You promised not to talk about what happened?"

She had a keen perception, he'd give her that. Severus nodded, feeling miserable. Here he was, almost choking on his urge to tell her- someone, anyone- what had transpired today.

"Hm," Raven mused aloud, studying his face, "am I right to assume that you didn't make that promise voluntarily?"

Again he nodded.

"And you promised not to _talk_ about what happened?"

"Indeed."

"Well, I guess that means you could _show_ me- provided you want to, that is."

The ghost of a smile curled up his lips as he grasped the meaning of her words. Legilimency! Now that train of thought was definitely worthy a Slytherin, since you could always trust a true Slytherin to come up with exceptions to a rule if it was to their benefit. And as warm-hearted and compassionate Lestrange was, deep within her she definitely possessed a certain cunningness that was very much to his liking.

"Look at me."

_Darkness... a tunnel, dirty and low. The air was filled with a pungent stench- blood, urine... and something else, something feral and animalistic... Eyes in the dark, a yellowish gleam reflecting the spark of light at a wand tip... then a dangerous growl, raw and untamed, from a throat that wasn't human. The feeling of panic, of overwhelming fear. The urge to scream and run but moving in slow motion. A heart hammering like a drum. The beast came running; it reeked of fur and hunger, a lust for blood. Sharp fangs flashing up in the wand light, claws tearing open the ground of the tunnel as it came running; claws that could just as easily lacerate human flesh from the skin to the bones._

_A horrible, blood-curdling scream-_

Her heart was beating loud and fast, and she was drained in cold sweat when the mental connection broke down. With eyes wide open she stared at Severus. Never before had it been like that- never before had any of the things he had _shown_ her in his mind been so vivid, so very, very realistic that it chilled her to the bone and made her flesh creep. She could feel his fear, his anxiety just as unfiltered as if she had actually experienced it herself.

Raven ran her hands across her face in shock before she glance at her friend again.

"Are you okay, Sev?"

He nodded wearily.

"Was that Lupin in the tunnel? Is he really a werewolf?" She shook her head and reached for his hand, taking it in her own. "Forget my questions. I know you're not allowed to affirm them. On the other hand, if you look at the moon calender it's not that hard to figure out the truth, isn't it? I mean, you suspected it anyway, didn't you?"

That was probably the worst part- having to admit that and wondering about his own stupidity, for having listened to Black. Severus should have known that the Gryffindor was up to no good. After all, they were enemies... and yet, who would have expected the animosity to run so deep that Black would actually try to kill him? Or worse... a cold shiver ran down his spine.

Hesitantly he told her how James Potter of all people had saved him- or, to be more precise- had saved his own neck and that of his cronies as well.

"But it wasn't Potter who made you promise not to tell that Lupin is a werewolf, right?"

Severus let out a mirthless chuckle which confirmed Raven's idea.

"Yeah, I almost thought so. You would have kicked his arse and laughed at him for even suggesting it. Okay, so that means that someone in a higher position must have told you to keep your mouth shut about Lupin's monthly problem. A teacher, perhaps? No, the Marauders wouldn't just run to any teacher in order to get that settled... Oh bloody hell- Dumbledore? The headmaster got wind of it and instead of protect the students- no." Raven fell silent for a moment before she came up with another train of thought. "The headmaster, in the kindness of his heart, persuaded the Hogwarts Board of Governors to let a beast into the school by pledging to keep it safe so it won't endanger the students, and instead of having to admit that his little pet project failed miserably, he preferred to shut you up. Of course, he claimed that he only had poor Lupin's well-being and academic career in mind."

Severus sneered. Indeed, it had been exactly like that. _Poor Lupin- he's not to blame because he got bitten when he was a wee __**child**__; he never wanted to become a werewolf. _But the **teenage** werewolf had almost killed him, Severus. Nevertheless, that fact didn't seem to matter. Because a Gryffindor werewolf was still so much better than any Slytherin lad. Of course, it would have been... _regrettable... _had he died or been infected with Lycanthropy- merely because it would have proven the headmaster wrong in his assumption that it was possible to keep a beast at school _and_ ensuring the safety of the other students.

"Is there anything we can do?" Raven inquired. It didn't sit well with her that someone she had classes with almost every day was a werewolf, an untameable beast with sharp teeth and claws, something that could kill- and the headmaster treated him like a pet wolf. As something that had unfortunately developed a furry problem once a month.

Sev shook his head. "I'm not allowed to tell and you're not supposed to know. If rumours spread, it will be all my fault. I will have to face the consequences..."

And that would most definitely mean his expulsion from Hogwarts, and then he could forget about his OWLs and his NEWTs- his chance to become a respectable and powerful member of wizarding society. But most of all, it would separate him from Lily.

"But apparently the Marauders know, too," Raven interjected, interrupting his thoughts.

"Use your brain, Lestrange!" Severus snapped. "How likely is it for them to betray one of their own?"

"Point taken!" She fell silent, musing over something that still didn't seem to fit. "But... assuming the Marauders know that their mate Lupin is a werewolf- which is likely- why did any of them, and especially Potter of all people, take the risk of following you down that tunnel? I mean, Gryffindors aren't exactly known for considering the consequences of their actions when they decide to jump headlong into danger- but it was a downright stupid thing to do..."

"Dumbledore called it heroic and awarded Potter with a mention for bravery," Severus sneered, but he still felt like waking from a horrible nightmare, drenched in cold sweat. Infuriated, he withdrew his hand from Raven's grip. He wasn't weak. He was not holding hands with a girl. In a waspish tone he continued, "The oh-so-noble Gryffindor buffoon forgot about house animosities to save an erring Slytherin from unspecified dangers lurking down that tunnel by the Whomping Willow- that's what they will say- and it won't matter that Potter was just saving his own neck. And that of his cronies. They should be expelled."

"Yeah, it's just not fair..."

"Life isn't fair, Lestrange. Otherwise the price you have to pay for attempted murder would be more than just a few detentions."

She didn't want to defend the Marauders now- what Black had done wasn't just reckless behaviour; it was the deplorable deed of someone with a great potential for criminal energy. And yet, no one in his right state of mind- Gryffindor or not- would willingly go down a low dark tunnel, knowing that he'd come face to face with a fully fledged werewolf. But Potter had done that. Raven didn't believe it was his bad conscience that had driven him, nor that it was a desperate attempt to save his best friend's neck or to protect Lupin's little secret. He could have simply let Severus become werewolf dinner and then try to hush up things later, and perhaps the Marauders would have gotten away with it like they always did. Perhaps these things mattered to some extent, but the main reason Potter had gone down the tunnel was simply because he could. She wouldn't bet her life on it, nevertheless she was pretty certain that the Marauders must have found a way to face a werewolf without having to fear they get attacked by it.

Now, that was definitely an issue worthy of further research...

* * *

Did I ever mention that I love reviews? I'm doing it now. I love reviews. And I love whatever feedback!


	14. More Unchartered Heights of Disgrace

_a/n: I'd like to thank my wonderful betas, hynnotic inc and Alabaster Princess for making this work. Also, thanks to all my reviewers and to everybody who put 'Children' on their subscription/favourite list._

_Everything you recognise in this chapter is taken from OotP, Snape's Worst Memory or DH, The Prince's Tale._

14- More Unchartered Heights of Disgrace

He had been so close to getting the Marauders expelled and now the situation was even more desolate than before. Instead of receiving a reward for discovering that there was a dangerous werewolf at Hogwarts, Severus had let Dumbledore muzzle him and was not allowed to speak about this incident. Also, he had been put into detention for being out after curfew.

Life wasn't fair, but that wasn't anything new to him; it was a fact he had known all his life.

Therefore, he had to hide all of his unwanted emotions in the deepest, darkest corner of his mind. Weakness wouldn't get him anywhere. He had to distance himself from Lestrange and her embarrassing hug, because that chit was making him grow soft with all her sentimental drivel about friendship. The last thing he needed now was to be cuddled by a girl and hear about peace and love- the Dark Lord had not become an enigmatic, powerful and mightily influential wizard by being the cuddling kind of man. No, not at all. Severus knew he had to be strong when maybe one day he was going to stand face to face with the Dark Lord again; he would need all his wits and Slytherin traits. But he would never make it into the ranks of the Dark Lord if he allowed himself to become the laughing stock of Hogwarts... and news spread rapidly. Only a day after the werewolf incident the whole castle seemed to know what had happened, that James Potter of all people had heroically saved _Snivellus_ Snape from 'unspecified dangers', risking his own life. It was so absurd!

The rubies in the Gryffindor hourglass kept trickling down until they reached a new height.

But by then, Severus had already restored his reputation for knowing loads about the Dark Art. He had also told his house mates, Mulciber and Avery, a different story about the events, one that cast a more positive light on his exploits. Of course, that strayed just as much from the truth as the official version... but truth didn't seem to matter anyway; it was a changeable, bendable thing. It depended on what people **wanted** to believe in- or else somebody would have come up with the all-dominant question what precisely those 'unspecified dangers'were that Severus had apparently faced or why Potter had not feared them. Or perhaps the innate _need_ of a Gryffindor to jump headlong into danger was so well established in wizarding society that nobody dared to question it?

It didn't matter either that Severus enjoyed Lestrange's company more than that of Mulciber and Avery. They were imbeciles, albeit very influential imbeciles because they were backed by strong pure-blood families. He needed them. In times when nearly everyone at Hogwarts stared at him, snickering, calling him _Snivellus, _he needed their respect that he had so hard fought for.

Needless to say, Severus' withdrawal hurt her like a stab in the heart, but Raven tried to be an understanding friend and just let him be. He wasn't someone who opened his heart to just anybody, and he had sort of shown her a very emotional, very vulnerable side of him that night. Perhaps he needed a break now, needed to hang around with the boys instead.

So she let him roam.

However, he erred tremendously if he thought her a gentle, peace-loving person. Her mind was filled with ideas on how she could teach the Marauders a lesson and take them down a peg or two. Black had tried to kill her best friend; Potter had hastened to not let that happen (for _his_ friends, to save _their_ necks- not because it was the right thing to do)... and Pettigrew had probably wetted himself with excitement. Too bad she could not accuse them openly. After all, she wasn't even supposed to know that Lupin was a werewolf, let alone to share his secret.

So she had to be very discreet, as cunning as a true Slytherin.

With a devious smirk she picked up the book she was currently reading and flickered through its pages. _Confessions of a Hag_ by _Malodora Grymm. _The hag was known to be a dab hand in beautification potions, but even more so for her skilful ways in dealing with faithless lovers. Of course, the curses she described were probably not Ministry-approved but decidedly very inspiring.

Surreptitiously, Raven walked the corridors, looking for the Marauders. Waiting for the perfect opportunity to hex them one by one. Nobody noticed her.

Almost softly she whispered the incantation, _Phthirus pubis evello. _First, she hexed Pettigrew. Then, later that day, Potter, Lupin and Black. Nothing happened. The boys acted their usual way, being much too full of themselves. Well, that was exactly what she had intended...

Severus met Lily outside the castle at a courtyard, all neat pillars, arcades and roses. He'd been pleased she wanted to see him, but soon their erstwhile pleasant conversation turned nasty when she started nagging about the people he was hanging around with, Mulciber and Avery.

"...I'm sorry, but I detest Avery and Mulciber. Mulciber! What do you see in him, Sev? He's creepy. D'you know what he tried to do to Mary MacDonald the other day?"

To be honest, he had no clue. Nevertheless, he said, "That was nothing. It was a laugh, that's all," because even Mulciber wouldn't be so daft to cast an Unforgivable at Hogwarts, only to see a girl's knickers.

Lily leaned against a pillar now, glancing up to him with these wonderfully sparkling green eyes of hers, but a frown marred her beautiful face. Apparently that was not what she wanted to hear.

"It was Dark Magic and you think that's funny?"

"What about the stuff Potter and his mates get up to?"

"What's Potter got to do with anything?"

_Here we go again!_ He growled inwardly, wondering why Lily refused to see the truth. "Just think about it, Lily. They sneak out at night. There's something wrong about that Lupin. Where does he keep going?"

"He's ill. They say he's ill."

"Every month at the full moon?" Severus arched a quizzical brow at her. Now that was about the broadest hint he could give her and yet she failed to get it.

"I know your theory," Lily said coolly. "Why are you so obsessed with them anyway? Why do you care what they're doing at night?"

He wanted to make her understand but his words were kind of fruitless and fell on deaf ears. Lily didn't want to hear anything he said, and Severus clearly failed to get that hint.

In Lily's world, things were either black or white, they were good or they were evil. There were no shades of grey.

"They don't use Dark Magic, though." It seemed to be her favourite argument when it came to the eternal battle between Gryffindors and Slytherins. No matter what the Marauders did, at least they didn't use Dark Magic. "And you're being ungrateful," Lily continued. "I heard what happened the other night. You were sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Willow and James Potter saved you from whatever's down there-"

"Saved? _Saved_?" Severus spluttered incredulously and his face contorted with anger. Was Lily really too blind to see? Why did she not ask him _what_ it was that Potter had to heroically save him from? Why didn't she wonder why Potter had been there at the right time? "You think he was playing the hero? He was saving his neck and his friends' too!" If they were best friends, why did she not believe him? Like Raven did. Instead, it seemed as if his worst fears were coming true. "You're not going to- I won't let you-"

"_Let_ me? Let me?" Lily's eyes narrowed dangerously, causing Severus to take a step backwards. He mumbled an apology; he hadn't wanted to upset her. But didn't she see? James Potter fancied her! And his dislike, his hatred and bitterness, rendered him almost incoherent. He wanted to protect her. Potter wasn't as wonderful as everyone thought, although he was the Big Quidditch hero. He was a bully, a rule-breaker...

"I know James Potter's an arrogant toerag. I don't need you to tell me that," she cut him off, and upon hearing that, Severus relaxed visibly. Lily started heading back towards the castle and he followed her with a new spring in his steps.

_All is not lost_, he thought, still hoping that one day Lily would be his. And so he chose to ignore her comments about Mulciber and Avery. They weren't really his friends, therefore it didn't matter if she approved of them or not, nor that she called their idea of humour _evil_. The Marauders weren't any better, and she had just stated that Potter was an arrogant toerag.

And yet, it bugged him tremendously that she had called him ungrateful- without ever asking him about his version of the incident. Thinking about it, he realized she hadn't even asked him whether he was alright. Raven had been more understanding than his best friend. On the other hand, he was practising Legilimency and Occlumency with Lestrange, so probably that was the reason.

"What's bitten you?" Raven asked when Severus sat next to her for dinner that evening.

He mumbled something unintelligible which could be interpreted as 'mind your own business'', before he viciously attacked an innocent chicken leg with his fork.

She contended herself with rearranging the peas on her plate while unobtrusively observing the Gryffindor table. A wry smile curled up her lips when she spotted Pettigrew starting to scratch his private parts.

"So it begins," she whispered

Severus glanced at her but she didn't deign to fill him in. At the Gryffindor table, some girls were giggling as they pointed at Pettigrew.

"You're disgusting!" One of the girls shrieked.

Pettigrew blushed. Then he got up and fled the Great Hall.

Raven started humming a tune from one of her favourite Muggle bands.

The next morning, Peter Pettigrew was missing in class and now Potter was showing the very same symptoms as his house mate. Professor Slughorn tried to crack a jovial joke before he dismissed the boy with the advise to go and visit Madam Pomfrey.

Apparently Lupin had fallen ill, too (and this time it was not due to the moon) because at lunch only one of the Marauders was left. But not for very long. Soon he also started scratching his genitals.

Severus arched an inquiring brow at Raven. Was that her doing? She smiled very innocently at him.

Later that day in the Slytherin common room, Regulus Black was bursting with news- the Marauders were infected with crab lice.

"Lice?" Raven asked, again much too innocently for Severus to not suspect her of having something to do with it. "Were they close to animals?"

"That would be fleas, Lestrange," Regulus informed her in a haughty tone, and she looked surprised.

"Oh... I see... so that means they're having problems with personal hygiene?"

Mulciber and Avery laughed. Regulus rolled his eyes. Sometimes his fellow house mates very really slow on the uptake. "Folks, I'm talking about crab lice. You don't get them from cuddling with animals. They are transmitted through shagging!"

"Whoa, these Marauders seem to share everything, even the same girls!" Wilkes, a sixth year concluded .

"Or," Raven gave to consider, "they are so close they share not only the same dormitory..."

"You mean they are buggers?" Avery asked scandalized, and probably it was truly a scandalizing thought for a pure-blood.

Regulus shrugged. "You know, it wouldn't surprise me, given that my worthless brother keeps on talking about his dear friend Potter all the time when he's at home. Drives my poor parents crazy with all his 'Potter said this, Potter did that.' And he's rubbing it in their faces that the Potters are also of pure blood- without ever getting what that really means. Blood traitors, that's what they are. Of course they support Dumbledore, the champion of commoners, of Mudbloods and Muggles-"

"Yeah, and probably he also supports sodomites!" Mulciber threw in, shuddering.

The boys discussed this possibility sufficiently but Severus didn't join in. He couldn't have cared less about the Marauders' sexual preferences or if they were having an orgy in their dormitory every night. That was still no reason to get them expelled. A headmaster who tolerated a werewolf at his school would also tolerate a bunch of buggers, if they happened to be his favourite students.

He glanced at Raven, wondering what curse, spell of hex she might have used. She was a sly little witch and he silently congratulated her for this devious, clever move. The way she had so _innocently_ steered the conversation in the direction she wanted it to take was decidedly Slytherin. Gossip spread quickly at Hogwarts and he knew that this talk would not stay within the Slytherin common room.

Severus was right. For almost two weeks most students gave the Marauders a wide berth. But the gossip ended when Gryffindor won the last Quidditch match of the season. All of a sudden, Potter was their hero again and all the girls gave him doe eyes.

Not Lily, though. She still called him an arrogant toerag and was not impressed by his continued wooing.

Another term was coming to an end, and this one was very important for the fifth years since they were soon to sit their OWLs. Even the Marauders desisted from hexing other students for the fun of it and visited the library more often than usual, although Potter and Black could simply not refrain from hexing Severus whenever they had the opportunity. It was like a compulsion to them, an obsession. But Severus gave as good as he got, and most of the times he was backed up by Raven. Grudgingly, he accepted her interference... there was no way to stop her anyway.

Then the exams started.

History of Magic went very well for Raven, but she was almost certain to have failed Astronomy. It didn't matter since that wasn't essential to her aspired Auror career. Transfiguration, however, was a totally different topic. She had to pass it with 'acceptable' at least, or she could forget about ever becoming an Auror. It wasn't the theory that gave her the creeps- she was quite good at that- but she really, really dreaded the practical test. Mainly, because she saw _no point_ in turning a hedgehog into a hairbrush... or anything like that. It simply didn't sit right with her to transfigure a living being, even if it was merely a spider or a cockroach, into an inanimate _something-_ whatever- only because she was capable of doing so. But what about the trauma of the poor hedgehog if all of a sudden it found itself turned into a hair brush?

Of course, that attitude had granted her a lot of laughter in class. And she had argued with Professor McGonagall about the necessity of transfiguring an animal into an inanimate something on several occasions.

Fortunately, she still had some time before the practical Transfiguration test. This morning, Raven had to sit her Defence against the Dark Arts exam, and she was well prepared.

The exam, like all the others, took place in the Great Hall where the four house tables had been replaced by small desks and at each of them a student was sitting. Sunlight was streaming through the windows but no one seemed to notice that as all heads were bent over the examination papers.

Raven relaxed when she read the questions and realized she could answer them all. For a long time, the only sound to be heard was the scratching of quills, the rustling of parchment and an occasional sigh. Then the examiner, Professor Flitwick, announced, "Five more minutes!"

She read her writing over and was satisfied with it, so she looked around. Raven saw Black lounging in his chair, tilting it back on two legs with his casual arrogance as if he wasn't taking his OWLs all too seriously. Bloody poser. After all that had happened, she couldn't believe she had ever found him attractive- well, at least his bum...

"Quills down please. That means you too, Stebbins! Please remain seated while I collect your parchment! _Accio!"_

Rolls of parchment zoomed into the air and then at Professor Flitwick. Since he was a very small wizard, the amount of rolled up parchment knocked him off his feet. Some students laughed, but a few at the front desks hurried to help him up again. They wouldn't get extra points for that.

Raven left the Great Hall, looking for Severus. She spotted him a short distance away, still absorbed in his exam papers, but then the stream of students heading for the entrance door carried him away from her before she could speak to him.

She was also on her way outside to the grounds when she heard Black's voice.

"Did you like question ten, Moony?"

"Loved it," Lupin replied.

Raven frowned. So they called Lupin _Moony_? Very amusing, given that he was a werewolf and nobody was supposed to know. Also, one of the questions had been about werewolves, but she wouldn't vouch for it having been the tenth question. It appeared to her the Marauders were downright careless with their friend's secret. Of course, that devil-may-care attitude was very typical for them, and probably they thought it funny to crack jokes about Lupin's condition.

Lily had left the castle with her Gryffindor friends. Now they were relaxing at the edge of the lake. They had taken off their shoes and socks and were cooling their feet in the water while talking over their latest exam. But soon their conversation turned to what they considered more important than academics. Boys. And one in particular.

"I just don't get it Lily!" Theresa Hipworth exclaimed. "Why don't you want to go out with James Potter? I mean, he's kinda cute, and he's the best Quidditch player Gryffindor ever had. Oh, look, there he is."

She pointed to a beech tree, in which shade the four Marauders were resting. Something golden reflected in the sunlight, something that Potter was playing with. It was a Golden Snitch. Theresa almost swooned with admiration.

"Well, I would certainly not hesitate if he asked me. Alas, he has only eyes for you, Lily."

"I am not interested," Lily said resolutely. "He acts very immature."

"Come on, Lily," Patricia Goshawk interjected, "You can't tell me he's not sexy in his Quidditch kit."

Lily giggled coyly. "Yeah, but he's also an arrogant toerag and the way he messes up his hair as if he's just gotten off his broomstick is ridiculous..." She fell silent and frowned since there was something happening near the beech tree. James and Sirius had drawn their wands and were apparently hexing someone- Severus.

Her friends noticed that too.

"Relax, Lily," Theresa told her, "it's only Snape."

"What do you see in him anyway?" Sarah Audrey, the only Ravenclaw in the group, joined in. "True, he has his bright moments, but- but you, you could go out with James Potter, the height of coolness next to Sirius Black! And yet you're hanging around with that Snape boy. He's greasy! I don't understand why you even talk to him."

"We were friends long before I came to Hogwarts," Lily explained. "He was the first one who knew I was a witch and he told me all about magic..."

She was still watching what was happening. A small group of students had gathered around the Marauders and Severus, laughing at him being hexed by his nemesis. Apparently he had lost his wand in the course of events. Lily could hear Peter Pettigrew snickering shrilly while Severus was trying to get to his feet. Then he doubled over again.

Lily saw pink soap bubbles coming from his mouth as he gagged and choked- she had do to something. After all, she was a prefect and the Marauders were breaking the rules. It wasn't allowed to hex other students on the grounds or in the corridors, and most certainly it wasn't allowed to almost suffocate another student with a Scouring Charm.

"Leave him ALONE!"

Potter ruffled his hair. "All right, Evans?"

"Leave him alone," Lily repeated, totally unimpressed by his suddenly deeper, more pleasant voice. He almost sounded mature and yet she looked at him with great dislike. What's he done to you?"

"Well, it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean."

So much about maturity, Lily thought disappointed. She had almost believed Potter could be decent. Strangely, most of the surrounding students found his reply very funny since they were laughing. Only Lupin remained silent; he was staring at his book.

Lily told Potter what she thought of him, that he was just an arrogant, bullying toerag, and again she asked him to leave Severus alone.

"I will if you go out with me, Evans," James said as if he didn't understand the meaning of _arrogant, bullying toerag_- or perhaps he thought it a term of endearment. "Go on... go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

Potter was asking for a date. Potter possessed the nerve to ask her out! "I wouldn't go out with you if it was a chance between you and the giant squid."

"Bad luck, Prongs," said Black. Then he whirled around because the Impediment Jinx they had on Snape was apparently wearing off. The Slytherin was spitting out soapsuds as he slowly crawled towards his fallen wand. "OI!"

Black's warning bark came too late. Severus had already retrieved his wand and was aiming it at Potter now. A flash of bright light shot from his wand tip... then Potter was bleeding from a gash at his cheek. The cut wasn't deep, but when James touched his face in surprise and saw his fingers were stained with blood, he reacted immediately.

A moment later, Severus was dangling upside down in the air with his robes falling over his head. He was showing a pair of long, pale and skinny legs- and his greying underwear.

The Marauders- except Lupin (who was still staring at his book in embarrassment)- were roaring with laughter, and their audience cheered. More and more students had gathered to watch the show, definitely considering it worthy to miss lunch. Even Lily's lips twitched slightly.

Raven was smoking a cigarette- a habit she had taken on after the _mysterious_ death of her relatives. After sitting her Defence against the Dark Arts exam, she had been eager to get out of the castle and relax for a while. So she had walked to that remote spot at the shore of the black lake where she often sat with Severus, studying, and of course she had hoped he would join her there. But apparently he had chosen a different place to go over his exam papers...

All of a sudden she heard the erupting roar of laughter coming from the other side of the lake where most of the students liked to sit. Something was going on, she just knew that- she would always recognise Pettigrew's spiteful snickering.

Raven jumped to her feet and drew her wand, then she started running, leaving her shoes and books behind. She could still fetch them later.

It soon became obvious that Severus must have run into the Marauders and they were bullying him again. Damned! He was hanging upside down in the air and everybody was watching, cheering, laughing- but no-fucking-body helped him. That was so bloody typical. No one dared to stand up to the Marauders. Naturally, his fellow Slytherins only seemed to care when they wanted something from him (like copying his essays) otherwise they preferred to mind their own business.

Then Raven spotted Lily's red mane shimmering in the sunlight. Apparently she was the only one who didn't think the Marauders treatment of her friend very funny- or she was just doing her prefect job.

"Let him down!" Lily cried.

Potter obeyed. Severus crashed down hard and landed in a heap of crumbled robes. He struggled to get back to his feet as quickly as possible, but then Black aimed his wand at him and Severus keeled over again motionless on the ground.

These bloody bastards! Raven thought, wishing she could do something, anything. Alas, she was still too far away to fire any curses at the Marauders and besides, what could she do against them anyway? Of course, she'd love to torture them with the Cruciatus Curse- but that idea wasn't particularly helpful either since it would only land her in Azkaban. There really _should_ be exceptions concerning the use of Unforgivable Curses, especially when the Marauders were involved...

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily had finally produced her wand to underline her words.

Again, Potter seemed to obey her- or perhaps he merely wanted to appear gallant (it was common knowledge that the berk fancied Lily).

And again Severus was face down in the grass, wandless.

"You're lucky Evans was here," Potter taunted him, "Snivellus-"

Clearly, Severus didn't think when he spat, "I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

Of course, that wasn't a nice thing to say. It was a derogative term used by pure-blood supremacists... and therefore common vocabulary in Slytherin house. And he... he was very, very frustrated, angry and deeply humiliated.

"Fine," Lily said coolly, "I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if were you, _Snivellus_."

_Oh bugger, _Raven thought aghast, _ now _that_ one was decidedly far, far below the belt._ Although she understood Lily's infuriation, her insult was much more personal than just calling someone _Mudblood_. After all, there were many Mudbloods but only one _Snivellus. _Also, Lily knew Sev's family background better than anyone else, Raven included, and therefore her snide remark about his pants was worse than the use of any derogative term.

Potter begged to differ, though. He threateningly pointed his wand at Severus and demanded an apology.

"I don't want _you_ to make him apologise! You're as bad as he is!" Lily yelled at Potter, who looked dumbstruck.

Meanwhile, Raven had finally reached the scene of events and was in hexing range. But instead of jumping headlong into a fight she was unlikely to win all on her onesies, she glanced around. So many students had gathered here to watch the fun- wasn't there any Slytherin with a backbone? Someone, who was willing to defend a fellow house mate? Was Severus really so unpopular that everybody preferred to watch him being bullied and humiliated?

She spotted some Slytherins nearby and approached them...

"You make me SICK!" Lily ended her little tirade of all the things she despised about Potter, then she turned on her heels and ran away.

"Evans!" He shouted after her. "Hey, EVANS!"

But Lily didn't look back and Potter didn't follow her. Instead, he glanced at his best mate, trying to sound as casual as possible. "What is it with her?"

"Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate," Black replied.

"Right." Potter looked furious now, but fortunately there was still Snivellus to vent his wrath on, and a casual flick of his wand later, Severus was once again hanging upside down in the air. Potter turned his head to see if he still had an audience- yes, he had, although some students must have gone to lunch, but at least the girls (including Evans) weren't far away. "Right- who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?"

The general response was overwhelming. Of course, there were some (the usual spoil-sports) who did not cheer, but overall he felt very much affirmed in his doings. Until a bare-footed witch, smeared with blotches of ink (apparently she was incapable of writing properly with a quill) stepped forward, challenging him... with what? With her ink blotches? True, her toe nails were painted in quite an offending way, glittering in purple, orange and green, but...

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," she said threateningly.

Potter laughed out loud. This was just ridiculous. The Fat Crow was stupid, even for a Slytherin. Did she not know that she stood no chance against him? That moment, he noticed the small group of Slytherins backing her up in silent determination.

Raven had grabbed a couple of Slytherin students by the sleeves of their robes, and had sort of forced them to listen to her because she was addressing them personally. "You call yourselves proud Slytherins and yet you let it happen that one of your house mates gets bullied mercilessly by some Gryffindorks? Avery, do you still want Snape to do your bloody essays? Wilkes, you're not generally an uncaring arsehole, so move your arse now! And you, Black, do you want to pay your dear brother back in kind, or do you prefer to always be at the receiving end of his so-called humour?"

_But he's my brother_, Regulus thought. When they were younger, he had admired Sirius. They had loved each others like only brothers did. Of course, that was long over; it had ended the day Sirius had been sorted into Gryffindor and caused his mother so much trouble. Nevertheless, there was a rule- more like an unspoken arrangement- not to hex each other even if there was lots of taunting at both sides.

Regulus shrugged. _Well, I don't have to hex Sirius when there are other Gryffindors.._.

"Why don't you mind your own business, Fat Crow?" Potter sneered at Lestrange.

"We're sick and tired of your bullying, Potter," she replied evenly. "We're not gonna take it anymore."

"Expelliarmus!" Regulus yelled before Potter could aim his wand at Lestrange, and he took great delight in Sirius' eyes growing wide with surprise. Perhaps this was going to be more fun than expected.

Sirius watched James' wand fly out of his hand and he gaped astounded at his little brother. He had not put it past him to openly oppose the Marauders, but he could hardly dwell on that surprising fact since at the very same moment, Lestrange flicked her wand. Sirius was prepared to block her curse before he noticed it wasn't directed at him. Instead, he realized that she had managed to spiral Snivellus' wand back into his greasy hand and spoke the counter-curse to let him down- softly. Perhaps she even used a Cushioning Charm to spare his scrawny arse from hitting the ground too hard.

Wasn't that cute? What did she see in that greasy-haired git? Naturally, Sirius wasn't romantically interested in any Slytherin girl and he was definitely not attracted to Lestrange, but in the dark of a broom closet all naked girls looked the same and the house colours didn't matter anymore.

He had to watch out! Snivellus fired a curse- probably something dark- at James, who fortunately managed to dodge it while diving to retrieve his wand. In the meantime, one of the evil Slytherins had caught Peter in a full Body-Bind Curse. Of course, these disreputable snakes would focus on the smallest and weakest of his friends.

Now Remus got to his feet, finally leaving his stupid book behind. He lifted the curse on Peter, who immediately shot a Stinging Hex at Regulus.

_Don't hex my little brother!_ Sirius wanted to cry, but then thought the better of it. This was a fight between houses, between his friends and some slithery, slippery, cunning snakes- there was no time for family affairs. And besides, he didn't give a damn about his family.

For a short moment, the air seemed to buzz with magical energy as the sparks of various spells and hexes flew up like fireworks. Severus lashed out at Potter, who scarcely escaped this furious outburst that probably would have hurt him severely. For once, Raven was glad Severus' curse had missed its target because she feared for the consequences, had it hit Potter. She didn't know what spell he had used, but she gathered it was an especially nasty one and probably one of his own creation- he was working on something titled, _for enemies. _And although she understood his wrath- after all, the Marauders had humiliated him, and to make things worse, they had made a public display out of it- and she also understood his desire for revenge, it was decidedly not worthy to risk being expelled.

Lupin had risen; he lifted the curse Wilkes had put on Pettigrew. Would he join in the fight now, or would he finally remember that the badge attached to his robes wasn't only for decoration? Raven didn't want to have to deal with bullying Gryffindorks any longer. She had merely wanted to help her friend... and speaking of Severus- where was he?

While Lupin was indeed making use of his prefect badge to avoid further duelling (strangely, he only recalled his position when, for once, the Marauders didn't outnumber their victims) Raven spotted Severus' retreating form as he walked away with his head hanging low. At the very edge of the lake he paused and cast a quick glance at the group of girls in the distance, probably looking out for Lily. But she had already left the lake and returned to the castle. After all, the fifth years still had to sit another exam today.

Raven started running. She just had to talk to Severus before it was time to go back inside for that Transfiguration exam, knowing he was deeply upset and very agitated about what he had called Lily. She knew he regretted that, and that he was most likely torturing himself with questions like _what if_ or _if only _now. But he couldn't change the things he'd spoken in a moment of utter humiliation and frustration; he had to think further than that...

She caught up with him and grabbed his arm to make him turn around and face her.

"Leave me alone!"

"No! No, I won't. Sev, look at me. _Listen_ to me."

For a moment it appeared as if he was going to hex her- he looked decidedly livid... in spite of the treacherous signs of tears on his cheeks.

"Stop meddling, you insufferable busybody! I don't need your help. I don't need... anybody!"

"Well, yes, I know that. Nevertheless, you will hear me out now." Raven took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a second, half expecting a jinx to hit her. When that didn't happen, she opened her eyes again to stare at him with as much defiance as she could muster while wondering whether she wanted to slap him or hug him. In the end, she decided to give him a good shaking. "Damned, Sev! I bloody know that things went awfully wrong today..."

He averted his gaze, but Raven was glad he did neither run away nor hex her into next week.

"You probably don't want to hear that now, but you have to get the recent events out of your head if you want to sit your OWLs successfully..."

Severus snorted, indicating that that was momentarily the very last thought he had in mind. Nevertheless, he heard her out.

"Alright," she said, "I want you to occlude your mind. I know you can do that. Forget about Lily, you can still deal with her later. Just focus on what matters most now, and that is the upcoming exam. Okay?"

Somehow, Severus managed to sit his Transfiguration OWL without making a total fool of himself. He could answer all the questions, and had he given it a second thought, he even would have been satisfied with himself. But the very moment he put down his quill and his scroll of parchment was magically collected by the examiner, his thoughts went back to Lily. He'd done her wrong, so unbelievably wrong, and all he wanted to do was making amends to her for that unforgivable slip of tongue. He really hadn't meant to hurt her.

He didn't notice that some of his house mates were looking at him with respect now, because he had taken that Gryffindor Mudblood down a peg or two, because he had finally shown his true colours. Slytherin colours. An insult painted in the silver and green of supremacists.

Severus couldn't have cared less about what his fellow Slytherins thought of him when he made his way to the Gryffindor tower. All he had in mind was to apologize to Lily. He needed to talk to her- even if that meant he had to wait for her the whole night, sitting in front of a large painting showing a fat lady in a pink dress which guarded the entrance to the Gryffindor's common room.

Of course, the Fat Lady wouldn't let him in since he didn't know the password... but he _would_ have walked straight into the lion's den if given the choice. Instead, he waited patiently until finally Mary MacDonald had the decency to inform Lily of his desire to talk to her.

Lily was already wearing her dressing gown when she stepped out of the entrance some time later. Her body language was defensive and her voice sounded very cool, almost unforgiving... and indeed, things didn't go as smoothly as he had hoped.

Severus tried to apologize, but she told him she wasn't interested, that none of _her_ friends understood why she even talked to him (wait- wasn't he her best friend anymore?) and then she accused him of associating with Death Eaters... which was at least partly true. Yes, he was actually toying with the idea of joining them though he hadn't come to a final conclusion yet. And he was really, really sorry for having called her a Mudblood- it had sort of slipped out unintentionally...

"I can't pretend anymore!" Lily said resolutely. "You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."

It sounded so very definite. "No- listen," Severus said, " I didn't mean-"

"-to call me Mudblood?" Lily cut in. "But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

_Because I love you, _he wanted to say, but then he struggled at the verge of speech because that was really a very big thing to say for someone who didn't wear his heart on his sleeve when it came to emotional issues. He hesitated too long. Lily turned, and with a contemptuous look she climbed back through the portrait hole.

It closed behind her, leaving Severus standing there all alone, hurt and very vulnerable. Even the Fat Lady seemed to sneer at him.


	15. She Sells Sanctuary

thanks to you-know-who... my lovely betas of course

* * *

15 She sells Sanctuary

"Now, it would be a total waste of brainpower if you actually considered that option," an evenly sounding voice startled Severus. He had just made his way up to the Astronomy Tower and was leaning against the balustrade, looking down... Now he whirled around to see Raven sitting on the floor, her back to the wall; she was smoking a cigarette. He should have smelled the smoke but he had been distracted.

"Don't be absurd," he hissed. Yes, for the fraction of a second he had actually thought about ending his misery. Life seemed to be so hopeless now that Lily had severed ties with him. "Are you following me around, Lestrange?"

"Since I was here first, I guess that question is rather silly," she replied, glancing up at his face. He was very pale. "You alright, Sev?"

"I'm fine."

"Am I right to assume you tried to apologize to Lily but she decided not to talk to you?"

That witch was insufferable- she had a knack for knowing when he was lying and yet she smiled at him, although it was a sad little smile this time.

"Would _you_ forgive me?" Severus snapped at her.

"Well, you behaved like a total prat towards me on countless occasions already, but I'm used to your barb."

He had the decency to look ashamed. "Listen... I..."

"Come here," Raven cut him off as she invitingly patted the stone floor next to her. With a weary sigh he sat down. There was no use to run from her and besides, it was good to still have a friend. Perhaps she could talk to Lily and try to mediate- he just had to find a way to pitch the idea to her.

She offered him a cigarette and he simply took it, although he usually didn't smoke. But there had been a time when he'd stolen a pack from his father to appear _cool, _so that the yobs hanging around at the playground wouldn't bother him while he waited for Lily... it hadn't quite turned out the way he had hoped. Lily had been scandalized and father had given him a good beating for stealing the fags. But Lily wasn't here now. Lily didn't want to talk to him anymore. She said she couldn't pretend anymore...

_'You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine,'_ he remembered her words but not the crossroad where their ways had taken a totally different direction. Only yesterday they had still been friends- he couldn't believe that it was all over now just because of a slip of tongue.

"You know, Sev," Raven said quietly, placing a hand on his arm, "I'd be quite pissed off, too, had you ever called me names in public, and _filthy Mudblood_ isn't really a compliment. Especially not for a Muggleborn witch who is so very eager to find her place in wizarding society and to prove herself worthy. Of course, she is hurt- on the other hand, Lily called you _Snivellus, _which is just as much a derogative term for you as Mudblood is for her. In _**my**_ opinion, you're square. _**I**_ would forgive you... well, probably after hexing you into oblivion or giving you crab lice, but in the end I'd forgive you. After all, the bloody Marauders pretty much provoked the situation."

"Damned Potter and his cronies," Severus whispered, full of spite, and he forcefully extinguished his cigarette on the stone floor as if he wanted to smash his enemies with that gesture. His head was full with fragments of ideas for innovative curses just to harm them, to make them suffer for what they had done to him and Lily. But at the very same time, he also wanted to bash himself, because in the end he had fucked it up himself. He had lashed out at his best friend, the only one he had ever loved, and it was solely his fault Lily had severed ties with him... Then he recalled something Raven just said. "Crab lice, eh? So it _was_ you."

"I couldn't resist," she smirked slyly. "Alas, I can't use that one a second time or it gets boring. But perhaps dear Malodora Grymm knows another inspiring curse."

"The hag Maladora Grymm?"

"Yep. Her book, _Confessions of a Hag, _was an interesting read- for instance, she described a very ugly but highly effective testicles-shrinking curse. Unfortunately there was no incantation given."

Severus gulped, but he withstood the initial urge to protect his private parts. He had thought he was above such gestures, that he wasn't driven by physical needs, but in the end he was just human and male and therefore protective of his genitals. So he tried to remember that it wasn't wise to cross Raven Lestrange, although he had apparently done that often enough in the past. He also resolved to be a better friend to her in future since he didn't want to lose her, too, after he had failed Lily.

"How can you still stand to be around me?" He mused aloud.

Raven shot him a perplexed look. _Because I love you, you bloody idiot, _she wanted to yell at him, but she managed to bite her tongue before these silly words could slip.

"Oh Sev," she said instead, placing a gentle hand on his arm, "we're friends, aren't we?"

He nodded affirmative.

"Well, real friends should be able to forgive, to stand by each other through thick and thin. Now, concerning Lily- I'm certain she will come to her senses again. Perhaps she simply needs some time. After all, it's not the first time you're on no-speaking terms..."

"It's different now. I... I hurt her very badly and... she wouldn't listen. Said I had chosen my way and she had chosen hers, that she can't pretend anymore..."

"Pretend what?" Raven huffed, but she was angry at St Lily and her holier-than-thou attitude, at all her double standards while acting up as Hogwarts moral compass and not being able to forgive her presumably best friend a simple slip of tongue, despite the circumstances. Severus would have slept at the doorstep of the Gryffindor tower, had been willing to risk further humiliation by his tormentors of a mere hours ago- just to get a chance to talk to Lily. And she had the nerve to tell him she couldn't pretend anymore? Had her friendship to him been built on pretence all the time?

"Severus," she said tentatively, "have you ever considered the possibility that you and Lily have absolutely nothing in common?"

He gave her an odd glance and shook his head in denial. No, Lily would come to love him if only he managed to make himself a reputation, if only he became a powerful, famous and rich wizard. And that, he thought, he could only achieve by joining the ranks of the Dark Lord Voldemort.

"She said I can't wait to join You-know-who, and she's right! Why wait?"

"Don't haste things, Sev. Why don't you just wait for the results of your OWLs and see if there are other career prospects?"

"Like what?"

"Whatever- don't tell me there isn't anything else you want from life, except marrying Lily. What did you tell the dear old Sluggy when we had career advice?"

Nibbling at his lower lip, looking sullen, he shrugged. "Well... I like Potions, and he said I might become a good apothecary one day..."

"Bollocks! You're already a much better potioneer than that pompous old walrus, and I foresee for you a very promising career in experimental potions and research-"

"You foresee? Please, do tell me about your sudden interest in divination."

"Don't be such a git!" Raven elbowed him, but she did that with a chuckle."It really doesn't need the obscure art of divination to recognize a great talent in Potions- and you truly are very gifted, Sev. Slughorn is an idiot if he fails to realise that."

Severus risked a wry smile at her for that compliment; it warmed his heart and moreover, she wasn't just trying to flatter him. She really meant what she said, she believed in him- and she managed to take his thoughts off Lily for the time being. He'd been agitated to the core when he came here in the first place, had been upset to find out he wasn't alone on the Astronomy tower, but now he was feeling more relaxed, thanks to her presence.

The next morning came much too soon. Raven hadn't slept much, she was bleary-eyed, tired and slightly grumpy. And she would have to sit her Potions OWLs in a short time. She had to pass it or she could forget her Auror ambitions, but she didn't feel well prepared because she had spent almost the whole night comforting her friend without making the comforting too obvious. At least their friendship seemed to have improved.

Together they entered the Great Hall for breakfast. Spiteful laughter came from the Gryffindor table and reminded Severus of dangling upside down in the air. Someone made a snide remark about his legs, but Raven thought he had lovely legs and so she told him, blushing. Fortunately that distracted Severus enough to miss another insulting comment about his underwear and he also didn't hear Lily giggle like a stupid cow. Raven would have loved to hex the whole Gryffindor table but she couldn't decide where to start, and besides, it wasn't wise to hex the teachers' pets in front of their eyes.

In Slytherin house, however, Severus had gained some respect for having called his formerly best friend a _filthy Mudblood. _He had finally proven that he was one of them, and they even seemed to appreciate Raven a little bit more because she had stuck up for the ideals of her house- or so they believed. In fact, Raven didn't give a damn about that at all. She had merely wanted to help Severus, although didn't mind this new friendliness towards her either. Graciously she accepted a cup of tea that the little Black politely offered her.

Theory of Potions went surprisingly well, although that was not the part of the exam she had dreaded most. Raven was very nervous about the practical part. Her marks in brewing had improved since Severus had started tutoring her in Myrtle's bathroom, and yet she feared her cauldron might explode, or... there were so many things that could go wrong in Potions.

Of course, Severus was calmness personified. Probably he was even looking forward to his exam, but at least he didn't have to fear failure.

"Stop fretting, Lestrange," he hissed at her in his usual charming way when they entered the room that might become her personal Waterloo. "I know you can do it, so don't behave like a total dunderhead."

Now, that was almost a praise, coming from him. Happily she beamed at him and started to relax immediately. And when the examiners told the students that they had to brew a Draught of Peace, she knew she had worried in vain. Yes, she could do that. She knew the theory and she had already brewed it once with Severus, quite to his satisfaction.

Raven glanced in his direction and saw him nod at her, which was the best motivation. Then both of them focussed on the work at hand

One of the examiners, a tall wizard with bushy eyebrows, was keeping a sharp eye on Severus, watching him with interest as he cut, grounded or squashed his ingredients. The other kids here in this room were just doing their task without any passion- some of them showed a hint of talent while most of them were just mediocre at best- but that young man seemed to be a really dab hand in Potions.

"Arsenius Jigger did not mention that step in his textbook," the examiner said as he stood behind Severus, glancing over his shoulder.

Severus didn't bother to look up because he was busy and his potion was in a tricky phase of process; it required his full attention. So he merely mumbled, _"Jigger is overrated."_

_The lips of the examiner twitched and his bushy brows shot up- he really looked like a puzzled owl now- but Severus couldn't see that. Instead he heard Slughorn's voice interfering in a jovial tone, "Ah, there you are, Tiberius. Don't pay too much attention to Mr Snape here- he never keeps to the instructions and always thinks he knows better than anyone else. Why don't you let me introduce you to my most promising students? I'd like you to meet Mr Potter- sure you remember Mr James Potter senior? He was a real big shot in the Ministry and I'm certain his son will follow in his footsteps..."_

_"I am not interested in politics, Horace."_

_"Yes, yes indeed. So perhaps you'd like to meet Miss Evans? She's a favourite of mine- shame she's not in my house- and one of the brightest I ever taught. Very exceptional for a Muggleborn witch..."_

_The examiner called Tiberius shot Professor Slughorn a bored glance, wondering why his __dear __esteemed colleague failed to notice a true talent when it was sitting right in front of him. He waited until the boy was done with his potion to ask him a couple of questions about his procedural method and was very satisfied with the answers given. _

_Raven was quite cheerful after the exam was done; it had gone well. Her cauldron didn't explode and her potion looked just like it was supposed to. Full of verve she hugged Severus, because she blamed her success on him._

_"But now tell me- how did it go for you? What did he say? He seemed to be really interested in you."_

_Severus was clueless, that much was obvious._

_"You don't know who that was, do you?"_

_He shook his head no and waited for her to fill him in._

_"Sev, that was Professor Tiberius O'Flaherty-"_

_"Bugger!" He gaped at her with his mouth wide open but soon remembered to close it. Of course he had heard of Professor O'Flaherty, the head of St Mungo's Potions research team and one of the greatest potioneers of their time. And Severus had boldly told him that Jiggers was overrated- as if he was talking to just any apothecary. Alright, he had answered all his questions. But probably he would have answered differently- with more enthusiasm- had he known who that wizard was. Nevertheless, O'Flaherty was interested in him._

_"See, I __told__ you you'd make a career in research!" Raven chimed in._

_"I'm still far from getting a job, though," Severus gave to consider but he couldn't help the small smile that proudly curled up his lips. Perhaps she was right and he could indeed work in Potions research one day; it was very tempting to believe in that. Then he glanced at her, "How come you know him?"_

_"Well, it's more that Mum knows him- you know, she worked as mediwitch at St Mungo's before she met Dad, and she was in the same year with O'Flaherty- anyway, he used to visit often when I was young. Then he got married and didn't come around anymore. I haven't seen him for ages, until today, but I will always remember his eyebrows. They're truly remarkable!"_

_Severus smirked. Now that was typically Raven, finding his eyebrows remarkable as if the man didn't stand out for more than that. But then again, she didn't devour every potions text she could lay hands on. It simply wasn't her passion like it was his, although she was not a hopeless case when it came to brewing._

Finally, the last day of the term came, the exams were over, and all students were glad to board the Hogwarts Express that would take them back home to their families.

Severus wasn't looking forward to spending two months in that Muggle dunghill he called his home, but he hoped there would be another chance to talk to Lily. After all, she was living in close neighbourhood to Spinner's End- it was almost inevitably that they'd run into each other sooner or later. And perhaps it would be easier there, at their spot by the river, without any Gryffindorks around.

The train ride to King's Cross station was just as unspectacular as it usually was. He was sharing a compartment with some of his fellow house mates, who kept on bragging about the fun they were going to have this summer, and they also whispered about the Dark Lord- some of them couldn't wait to come of age and join his ranks. Severus was still considering that option, but remained silent about it.

Then the train pulled into the station, and all the young witches and wizards disembarked it, happy to be reunited with their families. Lily ran to hug her parents and even her mulish sister, urging them to get to the car park and drive home. She didn't spare Severus a single glance.

It was only when the platform was emptying that Severus noticed his dilemma. Usually, the Evanses took him back home in their car since his own parents never bothered to pick him up. Now he was standing there all alone and he had no idea how to get home. He couldn't take the Knight Bus because he was broke- ironically, he had spent all of his money buying that birthday present for Lily. So he would have to get on a train, dodge the fare and hope to not get caught...

Suddenly, a heavy hand dropped on his shoulder. Severus whirled around- wand at the ready- to glance into the tanned face of a smiling blond-haired man. Raven's father. Immediately, he lowered his wand.

"Easy now!" Mr Lestrange laughed, before his face took on a more serious expression. "I noticed you were not with the Evanses and apparently nobody picked you up. No young wizard should be left alone in these dangerous times. May I invite you to come home with us? I'm certain my wife will find a way to contact your family, so they won't have to worry about your whereabouts."

Severus snorted contemptuously- as if his parents would worry about him. Then he shrugged. "Don't bother, sir. I'll be alright."

"Oh, but it would be so cool if you came home with us!" Raven chimed in enthusiastically after having popped up from behind her father. "We could listen to my records!"

Severus wasn't particularly keen on that but in the end her sparkling eyes undid him. Contrary to Lily, _she_ still wanted to be his friend; she wanted to spend time with him. So he agreed- after glancing at her father. "You really don't mind?"

"Nonsense, boy. I offered an invitation and besides, you're Raven's friend so, of course, you are always welcome. Come on now, let's go to the car."

Severus used to believe that a marriage between a witch and a Muggle- actually any mixed partnership- could never work; his own parents were the living example. Magical and non-magical people were too different to get on with each other, he had always thought, and the ideology of Slytherin house seemed to confirm it, although he didn't quite share their belief that Muggles in general were of minor value. True, he despised his father, the useless drunkard, and also that cow of a sister Lily had, but at least Lily's parents had always treated him decently. And now Mr Lestrange had come and shattered all that Severus used to believe in, proving him that a relationship between a Muggle and a witch could work indeed. The Lestranges exchanged loving glances that spoke of great affection and respect, they laughed with each other and sometimes even at each other. Mrs Lestrange was well versed in everything that went on in the Muggle world, and Mr Lestrange knew a lot about the wizarding world.

"We can make a Floo call to let your parents know we abducted you," Mr Lestrange suggested, smiling at Severus through the rear-view mirror.

"We don't have a fireplace connected to the Floo network." _Father would go berserk if the head of another __**freak**__ appeared in the flames..._

"Then we'll give them a phone call," Mrs Lestrange decided.

"Um..." Severus coughed.

"You do have a telephone, don't you?"

"Yeah..." _but I don't know if it's cut off once more due to unpaid bills.._.

"Well, we'll find a way- even if I have to Apparate there. But first, I think, we shall have a nice dinner. What say you, kids? Are you hungry?"

"Oh yeah!" Raven cried since she had missed her mother's cooking almost as much as her record collection.

The Lestranges lived in a cosy little house with garden in the outskirts of London. Inside, the rooms were painted in warm, friendly colours, and the furniture was a tasteful mixture of old and new.

"Miss Raven!" Someone shrieked; the squeaky voice came from somewhere down his hips and it startled Severus until he recalled that the Lestranges had a house-elf. A very young house-elf, as it seemed to be, for it was a scrawny creature with spindly arms that stuck out of what appeared to be sort of a caftan with oriental-style patterns.

"Tweety misses Miss Raven so much!" The Elf chirped, hugging her legs. Then it almost started to purr when Raven bent to pat the house-elf's bald head.

"And I missed you, Tweety. You're wearing a really nice dress, my dear," Raven said, which made the creature's bat-like ears twitch with unconcealed joy.

"It's a caftan, Miss Raven!"

"Of course. Please forgive me my ignorance."

Severus had to suppress a chuckle- on the one hand it was so typically Raven how she cared about that house-elf, on the other hand it was totally unusual for wizards and witches in general to care about their house-elves at all. Usually, the only _care_ these creatures ever received from their owners was the order to punish themselves.

"You brings guest, dear Miss Raven?" Tweety said, clutching to Raven's leg while risking a glance at Severus, who managed a wry smile. "Is young Master nice wizard?"

"He is a very nice wizard," Raven assured Tweety before introducing them properly. "Tweety, please meet my best friend, Severus Snape. Sev, this is Tweety."

Severus was strangely moved by her confession. _Best friend_... and she really meant it. Thus encouraged, he smiled at the elf and said, "Hello Tweety."

The house-elf beamed, tugging at Raven's shirt to get her full attention. "Young Master Snape is really nice wizard. How can Tweety serve Miss Raven and best friend?"

"Raven," Mrs Lestrange interjected, "I need Tweety in the kitchen, so please mind your manners, offer your friend some refreshment and take it to your room yourself."

Tweety pulled a sad face- she would have loved to serve the young miss, but Mistress Nigella was always very strict when it came to not spoiling her only child. Her instinct told her that this was wrong, that a house-elf was born to serve... but also, that she was to obey to any order given, even if that seemed to be wrong.

"Would you like something to drink?" Raven asked as she walked past Severus into the kitchen and opened the fridge to see what was there to offer. "Um, we have water, orange juice and Coke. Sorry, no pumpkin juice..."

Grimacing, she winked at him, knowing that both of them weren't overly fond of the wizarding youngsters' most favourite drink.

"A glass of water would be agreeable," Severus mumbled, not wanting to cause her any trouble, but Raven just shoved a bottle each of water and Coke into his arms, grabbed two glasses from a shelf, and pushed him resolutely in direction of the staircase leading to the upper floor, where her room was situated.

"Dinner is in approximately one hour!" Mrs Lestrange called after them.

Raven's room was totally different from Lily's! Why that thought was the first that came to his mind when Raven opened the door for him, Severus didn't know. Perhaps it was just because the difference was so… _striking-_ as if their rooms reflected the different personalities of the two witches and he had never realized it until it hit him straight in the face now. Literally spoken.

Lily's room was bright, clean and tidy. Very functionally furnished in white, and yet with a somewhat girlish touch that showed in the flowers of the wallpaper and the poster of a unicorn. There were also some pictures of cute little animals. Apart from that, the predominant colours were white, powder pink and a soft green... the red and golden Gryffindor banner above the bed had always been out of place...

Raven's room gave proof of her very own style, which was as chequered as she was controversial, and yet one could see that a modern teenager lived there. Flokati rugs covered the dark wooden floor and- typical for the seventies- there were a lot of orange, yellow and brown hues in the furniture. The sofa looked inviting despite its offending pattern.

"Make yourself comfortable," Raven offered as she started to leaf through her record collection and Severus sat down (albeit a bit stiffly) on a plushy orange easy chair with a chrome frame, still looking around. Then he noticed a large bookshelf, reaching from floor to ceiling, which piqued his interest. So he got up again to take a closer look at it and was surprised, to put it mildly. Alright, he had already expected the Muggle fantasy novels- but not the old tomes about magic. And not all of them were _exactly_ Ministry-approved...

Alright, he shouldn't be surprised about that. Raven had already made it quite clear what she thought about the Ministry of Magic, and that she didn't shy from using a hex which was probably not approved by a bunch of bureaucrats, if it suits the situation.

His thoughts were interrupted when the screeching sound of a guitar came from the speakers.

"That's my all time favourite," Raven said, holding up a record cover. It showed the black and white picture of a curly-haired bloke, wearing a top hat, and underneath the face bold red letters read _**. **_

Severus lifted his eyes from the record cover to a large poster on the wall, showing exactly the same curly-haired bloke, but this time he was standing on stage, strumming his guitar, singing into a microphone. So that was Marc Bolan, the lead singer of her favourite band. He knew that because Raven just loved to keep him informed... although he didn't really care about Muggle music. Or music in general.

A memory came to his mind and Severus suddenly recalled the cheap wireless they had at home. Father used to turned in on weekends, listening to football results... and there _had_ been music once- but the only sound he could hear now, when thinking about home, was his father's shouting and his mother's sharp tongue, their constant fighting... the noises from the bedroom...

Involuntarily, he shuddered and tried to occlude his mind from those memories while continuing to take in his surroundings instead. And there was still a lot to discover in Raven's room- like the pictures of other Muggle musicians or music groups, all of them looking quite weird. They were wearing clothes that could even match Headmaster Dumbledore in flamboyance.

Nevertheless, the music wasn't really that bad, Severus had to admit as he caught his feet in the act of tapping to the rhythm. But he had absolutely no clue what they were singing about. The lyrics seemed to make no sense to him- they were about a Metal Guru and people called Baby Boomerang, Telegram Sam or Rabbit Fighter...

_Tramp king of the city, he's my friend_

_Moondog's just a prophet to the end_

_Call me Rabbit Fighter you know it's true_

_'Cos babe I'll Rabbit Fight all over you_

Still contemplating the meaning behind these lines, Severus was startled by Mr Lestrange, who stuck his head in the room.

"I missed you, darling," he said to Raven, "but please turn it down a little, will you?".

"'Kay, Dad." She flashed a smile at her father as she complied to his wish, and Mr Lestrange smiled in return before he closed the door to her room.

He had closed the door! Severus arched a perplexed brow at the closed door, because at Lily's place- whenever he had been allowed to go up to her room- it was sort of an unwritten rule that the door to her room was to be left open. Mr Evans insisted on it, probably fearing that the scrawny boy from Spinner's End might take advantage of his daughter. Of course, Severus would have never done anything like that... but he didn't want to think of Lily now. It still hurt too much, knowing she didn't want to talk to him anymore.

"Dinner is ready!" Mrs Lestrange called from downstairs, and it appeared to Severus she was using a _Sonorus_ Charm for her voice to carry over Raven's music.

They headed downstairs, and although the Lestranges had a house-elf, Raven hurried to set the table. It was one of her chores, she told him as they all sat down at the large wooden table in the dining room and Mrs Lestrange served dinner with Tweety's help.

For a low-down, working-class boy from the industrial north the food looked almost exotic. At home, they ate potatoes or canned soup. At Hogwarts, they usually had a variety of traditional dishes like beef casserole, pork and lamb chops, different puddings and stews, peas, carrots and potatoes (boiled, mashed or roasted)- but they didn't have _pasta_. Also, he had never eaten prawns before and most certainly not with garlic. Severus recognized the smell, though the only use of garlic he knew was in vampire-repelling potions... and those were a joke.

"Tuck in!" Mrs Lestrange announced before she glanced at Severus. "Oh, and don't you worry, dear, I informed your mother about your whereabouts."

"Um... thanks." He didn't know what else to say. Most likely, his mother hadn't even noticed he wasn't there. Then he tried to not make a fool of himself and first watched how Raven handled her impossibly long _spaghetti_ before he hesitantly began to eat himself. It was... delicious! And dinner with the Lestranges was a very pleasant, almost jolly affair in general. Raven's parents liked to talk and laugh, and they wanted to know everything about their daughter's time at Hogwarts.

"How are things with that awful Potter boy?" Mrs Lestrange inquired. "Is he still such a bully?"

"Yeah. But I gave him crab lice." Raven replied casually, and her father laughed out loud.

"That's my girl!"

Mrs Lestrange heaved a sigh. "You know I don't approve of students hexing each other- the teachers should be able to control the situations, but since they refuse to rein in Potter, you have my blessing."

Raven wished she could tell her mother about the headmaster's reaction after Severus nearly became the victim of a werewolf, but she wasn't even supposed to know so she couldn't talk about it.

Then the Lestranges asked how the OWLs went and they also showed great interest in Severus' academic career. It was as if they really _cared_ for him- which was a totally new experience. They seemed to take him serious.

Later, Severus and Raven finally retreated to her room to listen to more records. He didn't mind. The sofa was really comfortable- despite its offending pattern and colours- and Raven seemed to be so happy he was there. She was already making plans for the next couple of days, apparently believing they would be spending the whole summer holidays together. But he very much doubted that. As friendly as her parents were towards him, they wouldn't be keen on feeding just another mouth and he didn't want that either. He would certainly not overtax their hospitality. He was not a charity case.

On the other hand, he really liked it here. It was a scandalising thought for a Slytherin to actually feel comfortable in a Muggle household with all these strange Muggle things- like the battery of lava lamps Raven had in her room. But the rising and falling of colourful bubbles in colourful water had a somewhat soothing effect on him. For the first time in days, ever since his breakup with Lily, warmth was not only an outward climate condition but something that came from within.

Raven fell silent when Severus didn't reply anymore. Alright, she had been babbling on for hours and he had merely grunted of snorted occasionally, probably thinking she was a right nag. Now she glanced over to the sofa and noticed he had fallen asleep. Oh great, her idle chatter was just as soporific as Professor Binns' drone.

But he looked so cute when he was sleeping. More relaxed and at ease than ever before, and there was even the ghost of a smile on his features. She could have watched him endlessly. Instead, she got up and fetched a blanket to tug him in and she had to withstand the urge to run gentle fingers along his cheek; Raven didn't want to wake him. Those last days at school had been tedious because of the exams and even more so for him due to emotional stress- she had no idea whether he'd slept at all lately.

There was something... _wrong_, Severus realized upon slowly waking from slumber. He was not in the Slytherin dormitory nor was he lying in his own bed at Spinner's End. Here, there was music and strange lights. Slowly he opened his eyes, still heavy with sleep, and then he smiled as he recalled where he was.

The stereo was still playing, the lava lamps were still bubbling in a mesmerizing way, but Raven had stopped talking. He lifted his head and saw her lying in her bed, sound asleep, a happy smile on her face. It dawned upon him that he had fallen asleep on her sofa, in her room, and that he should probably get up now and go to his guest room- but he couldn't bring himself to do that. It was so cosy, so warm here. He didn't want to move. For the first time in what seemed to be ages he had actually fallen asleep without protection wards to keep him safe, and yet he felt strangely sheltered.

So he fell asleep again, utterly at peace, while the lava bubbles kept on rising and falling, and a starman was waiting in the sky.

_There's a starman waiting in the sky_

_He'd like to come and meet us_

_But he thinks he'd blow our minds_

_There's a starman waiting in the sky_

_He's told us not to blow it_

_Cause he knows it's all worthwhile... _


	16. Changes

16- Changes

The next morning Severus was feeling awkward because he had fallen asleep on the sofa in Raven's room, which was inappropriate behaviour. Even more so since he noticed an unwanted sensation in his nether regions and he cursed his treacherous body. There always was a great discrepancy between body and mind (or heart), especially early in the mornings, and while his mind told him he wasn't interested in Raven- at least not romantically, although she looked quite appealing with her sleep-tousled hair- because he loved Lily, his body didn't give a damn about love. It just wanted, yearned. Totally appalled with himself, he mumbled an excuse and fled to the bathroom for a cold shower.

A while later he walked down the staircase , showered and dressed, to hear Mrs Lestrange humming in the kitchen. Knowing that politeness required it, Severus wished her a good morning.

"Oh, good morning to you, too," the witch said as she turned to smile at him. "Did you sleep well, Severus?"

He mumbled a reply in the affirmative, but didn't tell her he had fallen asleep on the sofa in her daughter's room since he doubted she would appreciate that. Nevertheless, he felt like he had violated her hospitality.

"What would you like for breakfast, dear?"

Sometimes the Lestranges were so caring it was annoying... Although he had always craved for some more loving attention at home, this was almost too much. It overtaxed him. Why were they so nice to him? What was in it for them? If he were from a noble family, popular and a bloody Quidditch champion, he would understood their affection because then it would be a privilege to host him- but he was merely a half-blood from the dunghill of Spinner's End and therefore, there was no advantage for the Lestranges.

Raven's mother was still smiling at him, waiting for an answer. "Erm... anything... I don't want to be a bother-"

"Nonsense," Mrs Lestrange cut in. "You're most definitely not a bother. Actually, we're glad to have you, and you can stay as long as you want. I spoke to your mother again, she doesn't mind."

It was probably the strangest summer ever for Severus. While he stayed with the Lestranges in London, Raven took him to the world of Muggle music, to her favourite record stores and even to some clubs. Together they walked Diagon Alley and had ice cream at Fortescue's, but they also went for a forbidden stroll in Knockturn Alley.

When Severus finally returned home, it came as a great surprise to learn that his father had found a new job; he was working at a grocery now and was therefore gone all day. When he came back in the evenings, he often brought along a bag with fruits and vegetables that weren't fresh enough to sell to customers but still edible.

Nevertheless, mother always found a reason to nag, so the fights in the evenings were inevitable.

Lily still refused to talk to Severus. She didn't visit their spot at the river anymore, and the one time he went to her house, her awful sister threatened to call the police if he ever showed up there again.

He felt like falling into a deep, dark, bottomless hole. With Lily gone from his life, it was as if the sun wasn't shining anymore and Severus soon forgot those almost carefree days he had spent in London. Why should he care about stupid Muggle music if the love of his life had cut all ties with him? No Muggle music would help him to win back Lily's friendship, her affection, and he craved for that almost as much as one needed air to breathe. Therefore, he had to revert to his original plan. He had to join the ranks of the Dark Lord and rise in his organisation, he had to gain influence and recognition, because only when he became a prestigious, powerful wizard, Lily would come to love him.

Severus thought himself a very lucky wizard when he received an invitation from Lucius Malfoy to come and spend some time at Malfoy Manor. Needless to say, he accepted it. And for the first time since he could recall, mother seemed to be happy for him, because the Malfoys were such a well-esteemed wizarding family.

There was a sparkle in her eyes as she said, "Of course, you will go. It's about time the Malfoys recognise you as one of their peers, the offspring of a very old and noble pure-blood family. You should be proud to be a Prince..."

Severus didn't even know his maternal grandparents or any other magical relatives. As far as he knew, they had disinherited Eileen for marrying a Muggle, and they had never cared about him. He wondered what he should be proud of.

"… even if you're only half a Prince, you still belong to the finest circles of wizarding society. You are not a filthy Muggle like your father."

_Why did she marry him at all? _Severus pondered not for the first time in his life. But he was grateful to be given a chance. Lucius was a very well-connected man, with his help he might get accepted within the ranks of the Dark Lord.

He was grateful that Lucius gave him the chance to learn all the things he needed to know in order to not make a fool of himself, due to his lowly heritage, when in the company of elitist pure-bloods- from impeccable table manners over dancing lessons to ideology. And under the pretence of friendship, Lucius indoctrinated him with the racist ideas of supremacists, tried to drum it into him that Muggles were inferior to wizards because they had no magic.

At first, Severus agreed to it. Lucius' reasoning made perfect sense to him and besides, all of his house mates were of the same opinion. Well, all except one... but he refused to think of Lestrange and her obvious weakness for Muggle Music and lifestyle now. Instead, he kept telling himself he was only doing this for Lily.

Nevertheless, the training sessions in Dark Arts seemed to stand in a stark contrast with learning how to waltz or what glass to use for which wine. More and more he gained the impression that he was in a summer camp for future Death Eaters, and that they were not just a political group (as he had always thought), when one day he overheard a conversation between Lucius and his brother-in-law, Rodolphus Lestrange. They were talking about terrorizing Muggles and they made it sound as if it was a sport to them.

A heavy feeling of unease crept over him, mingled with doubts if he was really doing the right thing. Hastily, Severus retreated to his room to ponder about the things he'd just heard.

As far as he knew, the Dark Lord had never openly supported the torture of Muggles, although he definitely supported the ideology that wizards were superior to Muggles. And then, Severus recalled a conversation with Mr- _please call me Chris_- Lestrange...

_'What's that?' Severus asked curiously, pointing at a strange sort of _box_ Mr Lestrange was painting in the garage._

_'I call it _Vanishing Cabinet_, because I make things or people disappear with it. I use it on stage.' _

_Severus took a closer look at it, then he scowled at the Muggle. 'You can't really _vanish_ people with it. It's a fake. You're a trickster! There's a false bottom, a secret door!'_

_'Well, I prefer the term Illusionist,' Mr Lestrange- Chris- said nonchalantly, giving Severus a wink. Then he reached out and made it appear as though he pulled a coin out of Severus' ear._

_'It's a trick!'_

_'Sure it's a trick.' Chris threw the coin up in the air and it seemed to disappear._

_Severus was gnawing at his bottom lip, a sullen expression clouded his face. He drew his wand. '_Accio_ coin!'_

_The coin flew from Mr Lestrange's jeans pocket- however it had gotten there- into his open palm. Severus smirked. '_That_ is magic.'_

_He wasn't quite certain though what he had wanted to prove with his little demonstration of magic._

_'Congratulation, you just won yourself fifty pence,' Chris said with a smile. 'Severus, I know that I'm not a wizard...'_

_'Doesn't it bother you? I mean- you pretend to be one but you have no magic... no power.' Severus fell silent, hoping he hadn't offended the man who had been a great host to him so far._

_'Why, no, it doesn't bother me at all. After all, if I were a wizard I couldn't do my job anymore.'_

_Severus shot him a bewildered glance. Chris lit a cigarette and exhaled bluish-grey smoke rings before he sat down on a bench, inviting the young man to take a seat. _

_'Alright, let me explain this to you. True, it's all tricks that I'm doing and yet there's so much more to it. You know, Muggles- and perhaps wizards, too- tend to develop a certain _nostalgia_ in regard to their childhood, especially when they grow older. They consider it as a time when everything was easy, when they were innocent and still believed in Father Christmas- or in magic. Of course, they will soon learn that Father Christmas was a lie, dressed in father's red coat and a white beard. For a while, they forget about the magic of their childhood because they have to realize that magic doesn't exist. But the _desire_ to believe in magic never leaves completely, so they come to my shows. And I give them the illusion. For one or two hours, I can make them forget about their dull nine to five jobs, their dull lives. The next morning, they wake up with a smile on their face._

_'You say I have no power? I beg to differ, Severus. I consider it as a great gift to make people smile. I could have become a bank manager, a lawyer, or even a politician and made loads of money- my parents would have loved that. But money, influence or power doesn't make people happy; I think, in the end, it only makes them lonely. _

_'I know, you may not agree to my philosophy of life, and I don't mind. Like most young men, you probably have your hopes up high to achieve something special in your life, and I approve of that. But please keep in mind that the easiest way isn't always the best. I think you know that, too, and I have faith in you, Severus, that you will make your way.'_

Christopher Lestrange had taken his time and talked to him, had explained things to him without judging or lecturing him. He had not given him a moral sermon about right and wrong or what a good boy should do. For the first time ever, Severus had been taken serious by someone who was his senior. And as much as he tried, Severus just couldn't find any fault in Chris' attitude, despite him being a Muggle.

Merlin, he felt so torn. What was he supposed to do? On the one hand, he still wanted to join the ranks of the Dark Lord, wanted to gain fame and recognition in order to win Lily's heart, and besides, the Dark Arts were so very tempting... On the other hand, the conversation between Rodolphus and Lucius had startled him. Severus failed to imagine that terrorizing Muggles just for the sake of it would ever become one of his favourite pastimes. All he wanted was to become a powerful wizard that no one would ever dare to bully again.

And so he stayed at Malfoy Manor. It wouldn't be wise to leave earlier anyway or it would arouse suspicion, and he couldn't use that.

Occasionally, his conscience would be nagging him. Did he really believe in pure-blood supremacy? A couple of weeks ago he would have possibly agreed to their ideology that Muggles were inferior to wizards, but Severus had met some fairly agreeable people while Raven had dragged him through Muggle London's music scene. And Chris had treated him with great kindness and respect- but then again, Chris was a hippie. He believed in love and peace, and he was wearing his heart on his sleeves. In Slytherin house, that was considered a great weakness... strangely, though, Chris hadn't appeared any weak to him but more like someone with a well-balanced personality. So not all Muggles were bad. Probably there were as many decent Muggles as there were brash, bullying wizards.

True, Severus despised his Muggle father. Tobias Snape was a lazy sod of a drunkard who yelled and tyrannized his family- but to be fair, even _he_ had behaved rather agreeable recently. At least he didn't get pissed every evening now that he'd found a new job...

Nevertheless, Severus was reluctant to go back home when the time came, although he didn't want to stay at Malfoy Manor any longer, either. But Spinner's End would always remind him of Lily, and what he had lost.

One morning, an owl arrived at Spinner's End, carrying a large envelope. Much to Tobias' dismay, it landed on the kitchen table and ruffled its feathers.

"I don't want these bloody beasts in me house," he huffed exaggerated, batting at the tawny owl with his rolled-up copy of _The Sun, _"when'll ya freaks ever learn to use proper ways of mailin'? What's so fucking wrong with the good ol' Royal Mail?"

Eileen gave her husband a cold sneer that seemed to express all her disregard of him, before she focussed on her son. With an expectant nod she encouraged him to open the envelope carrying the Hogwarts crest.

He knew it contained his OWL results. Severus' fingers were trembling with anticipation and dread alike as he cracked open the seal. He didn't notice that Tobias was watching him, too.

Severus held his breath as he unfolded the parchment, then he released it in relief when he realized he had done well. He had Pass Grades in all of his classes, and not a single mark was below E; he had even achieved _Outstanding_ in five classes, including Potions, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Herbology, Arithmancy and Charms. A wry smile curled up his lips.

That moment, the telephone rang. It was a shrill sound, not common to be heard in the Snapes' home, because more often than not the telephone was cut off due to unpaid bills. Apparently not any more, as it seemed.

Tobias picked up the receiver and answered the call by barking a very unfriendly '_**hello,**_' then he passed the phone on to his son, mumbling grumpily, "For you."

Eileen wore a sullen expression on her face. It didn't sit well with her that her son was using Muggle means of communication, because that wasn't appropriate for a young wizard. Despite living in the Muggle world and being married to a Muggle for years now, she still hadn't gotten used to Muggle technology; she still believed in the superiority of the wizarding world.

And while she blamed her useless husband for corrupting her son, for obviously making the boy forget about the traditions of _their_ peers, Severus was listening to Raven cheerfully prattling on about her OWL results.

"…I failed Astronomy- as expected, but who needs it anyway?- but I got Pass Grades in all of my other classes, including Transfiguration. And guess what! I even managed to get an E in Potions, thanks to you!"

Unaware of his mother's absurd thoughts (after all, he hadn't spent any time with his father in years, therefore it was unlikely to be _corrupted_ by him) Severus told Lestrange that he hadn't done anything she needed to be grateful for. "You studied hard and you sat your exam. If you did well, congratulations are in order."

"Yeah, but you had faith in my brewing skills, Sev, and now I want to celebrate- what's that noise in the background?"

He didn't answer. Mother and father were fighting again, shouting at each other... whatever the reason was _now_.

"You alright?" Raven asked. No way she could miss the pandemonium that was everyday life at Spinner's End. "Can we meet somewhere?"

Severus was definitely not in the mood to celebrate, nevertheless the idea of getting out of here sounded tempting. He wished he'd already had his Apparition licence because then it would merely take the blink of an eye to disappear.

"I could take the Knight Bus," he offered hesitantly, although he didn't have the required fare of eleven sickles; all he had was a fifty pence coin.

"Don't bother, Sev. I'll come around," Raven chirped cheerfully. "See you soon!"

"NO!" Severus yelled into the receiver, but too late; she had already hung up. Damned! If that insufferable witch had set her mind on something, there was no way to stop her. True, sometimes he appreciated her determination, and he was even looking forward to see her- but he didn't want her to come here. He didn't want her to see how he lived... _Lily_ had never been to his home. All those years he'd been friends with her, he had managed to keep her away and now Raven would soon be knocking at the door and his parents were still fighting. And how the hell had they come from the advantages or disadvantages of the Royal Mail (in comparison to wizarding ways of communication) to mother accusing father of making eyes at the owner of that grocery shop? Why did she care at all? He was a filthy Muggle to her, she should be glad to get rid of him. Severus shook his head- he would never understand his parents.

Then came the inescapable knock at the door and it came surprisingly soon. Severus hastened to answer it, hoping he could prevent Raven from entering the house so she wouldn't have to witness his parents shouting at each other. Strangely though, they fell silent the moment he opened the door.

"Hi Sev!" Raven beamed at him.

"Who's there?" Tobias Snape demanded to know.

_Nobody_, Severus wanted to reply, but Raven had already managed to slip past him, entering the house with a smile plastered on her face.

"Hello, I'm Raven. Raven Lestrange."

Inevitably, Severus' mind was replaying a tune, the one about the starman who'd _like to come and meet us but he thinks he'd blow our minds... _Well, most definitely Raven did not possess the starman's reservation although she did appear like someone from outer space in this house. Dressed in purple bell bottoms, platform sandals and a glittering jacket, she rendered mother speechless by presenting her with a small bouquet of flowers. Then she shook father's hand- and his old man _smiled_.

"So you're Severus' girlfriend?" Tobias asked, eyeing her appreciatively. She was weird, but at least weird in Muggle style.

"We're just friends, sir," she replied politely and added '_unfortunately'_ in thoughts. "We attend the same school."

"Can't believe you're going to that freak school. You look just like a normal girl to me. "

Tobias Snape did certainly not mince his words but Raven didn't seem to take offence at that. Meanwhile, Eileen had scampered off to the kitchen, still totally bewildered, to water her flowers.

Raven cleared her throat. "Well, Mr Snape, I like to believe that the ability to use magic and living a modern lifestyle are two things that doesn't necessarily have to contradict."

Father smirked as if he'd just won the lottery. He was behaving very courteous, the way he offered Raven to sit down on the threadbare old sofa. Then he barked in the direction of the kitchen, "Eileen, bring some lemonade for our guest!"

"Oh please, I don't want to be a bother," Raven insisted with a sweet smile, but sat down nevertheless. Severus was baffled how easily she seemed to be winding father around her little finger; he hadn't expected that. "Actually," she continued, "I only came to pick up Severus, so we can celebrate our exam results together."

"I won't keep ya, missy. Young people have to go out and celebrate sometimes." Tobias Snape _winked_ at her. Severus gasped. Then his father leaned a little closer to Raven, whispering conspiratorially, "Now tell me something, young missy- these freak exams, are they worth anything? I mean, as in getting a decent job later?"

"Why certainly! Severus is about to become a great potioneer, if you ask me- um, that would be like a chemist in the Muggle world."

"Raven!" It didn't sit well with Severus to hear how she praised him. He only wanted to leave. Mother returned from the kitchen to slam a bottle of lemonade on the rickety coffee table.

Raven wasn't certain what she had expected when visiting Severus at home- perhaps that his father would threaten to give her a good beating. But he had been quite nice actually. A tall, beefy man who didn't look unattractive. True, he had a big, slightly hooked nose... like father like son, and she liked Sev's nose. It made him look unique.

At the moment, however, Severus was sulking. They were walking along a neighbourhood of brick, terraced houses, heading for the centre of the city.

She was wondering why he harboured so much hatred against his father and blamed it on his mother. Eileen was a really unpleasant witch.

"Was there ever a time you got on well with your dad?" Raven asked all of a sudden, and Severus stopped dead, apparently taken aback by her question.

He frowned, thinking about the pound notes in his pockets that father had given him without mother noticing. _'Have a good time with your girlfriend,' _father had whispered and he had smirked, and he had actually been quite _nice_. Then Severus recalled a time when he had indeed gotten on well with his father.

"I was still very young, then," he answered hesitantly, "about five or six years old perhaps. I guess it wasn't that obvious yet that I'd be an abnormal freak."

Raven elbowed him. It wasn't hard for her to do that since she had linked arms with him. Lily had never done that, had never made such a public display of the fact that they were friends.

"You're not an abnormal freak, Sev."

No, with Raven at his side, dressed in her glittering jacket, nobody would call _him_ a freak. And perhaps she had only linked arms with him because she feared to stumble in her absurdly high platform shoes...

"I remember father took me to a football match once," Severus continued recalling, "to the Maine Road stadium, and we watched Manchester City play."

"Did you like it?"

If Raven were a typical Slytherin, he would have said '_no, of course not_' because football was a stupid Muggle game. But since Raven was not like his house mates, he replied honestly, "yeah, it was... fun. The atmosphere was great, all the thousands of people cheering and chanting..." Lost in thoughts, Severus shook his head. "He seemed to be so proud he could explain the rules of that game to me, and that he could afford taking me there. Later, he bought us fish and chips- ah, unimportant sentimentalities!"

"Not unimportant at all, Sev," reassuringly, Raven squeezed his arm. "Actually, I find it very interesting. What happened then? I gather you didn't become a Manchester City fan."

Severus snorted disapprovingly. "Most definitely not. Mother got a fit when she saw the fan scarf father had bought me and burned it immediately. Then she told me that football is not an appropriable sport for a young wizard, because our traditional game is Quidditch."

"Bollocks!" Raven hissed, feeling sorry for the young boy he used to be, and she liked Eileen even less. Now it was no mystery to her anymore why Severus didn't get on with his father, if his mother seemed to nip any attempts of a good father-son relationship in the bud- simply because Mr Snape was a Muggle and she so hated his guts. It was still a mystery to her though, why Eileen Prince got ever involved with a Muggle in the first place. After all, she stemmed from an old pure-blood family, and she was a Slytherin.

Then she noticed that Severus was sort of growing stiff, staring ahead at two girls who came walking in their direction. One of them was blonde but the other one had dark red hair that seemed to glow vibrantly in the early evening sunshine. Lily Evans and her horse-faced sister!

"Talk to her!" Severus urged Raven. "Tell her I didn't mean to-"

"I guess now is probably not the right time," Raven cut him off as she watched the Evans sisters crossing the road. Of course they had spotted them. It was such a small gesture but it showed a lot of contempt if Lily couldn't even stand to share the same side of the road with Severus.

Would he ever come to realize that bloody St Lily was decidedly **not** the right girl for him? But no, he looked as hurt as an abandoned puppy and the primary almost good mood he'd been in was ruined thoroughly in a mere instant.

Raven could have killed Miss holier-than-thou for her callous arrogance, thus spoiling _her_ perfect night out with her best friend. She had wanted to celebrate her Owl results with Severus in a cheerful way, instead of having to cheer him up from just another blow by the cold-hearted Gryffindor Princess.

"Raven, so good to see you!"

Raven frowned. Lily made it sound as if she had missed her but people who missed each other didn't change to the opposite side of the road when they met.

"I worry about you."

Raven's eyebrows shot up. "I beg your pardon?"

"You're a decent girl (for a Slytherin) but I see you're still hanging around with Snape. Don't you know what he called me last term?"

"Yeah..." _but that's nothing in comparison to what I want to call you, bitch. _Raven took a deep breath and bit her tongue. It wouldn't do to insult Lily when she was supposed to mediate between her and Severus. But it seemed her attempt was already in vain before she had even started. Nevertheless, Raven gave it a try.

"Look, you have to consider the situation. Sev was very upset when he called you a filthy Mudblood but he didn't mean it. You know him-"

"I thought I knew him, but apparently I was wrong. He proved it that day. I told him time after time again to not hang around with these horrible Slytherins, Mulciber and Avery, but he just won't listen to me. It's clear he chose his way. He wants to join You-know-who. Please, Raven, you have to stay away from him."

"I really don't think so." _She's gone mental, totally nuts..._ "Contrary to you, I prefer to be loyal to my best friend."

"You're not loyal, you're blind- don't you see he has chosen the wrong path? Or are you just as much into the Dark Arts as he is? Perhaps you both want to join You-know-who."

"Yep, we both can't wait to torture Mudbloods." This was too absurd. St Lily had a really strange concept of friendship. You were her best friend if you did exactly what she told you, but when you refused you were just as evil as You-know-who himself. Raven turned on her heels and walked away. Yes, she had promised Sev to try and mediate. Well, she had tried and it had gone wrong.

It was her first day back at school and Raven was already thoroughly fed up with Hogwarts. It didn't improve her mood either that she ran into Professor Slughorn while walking down the corridor to the Slytherin common room, because he seemed to take offence in her beloved new platform boots- they were silver and spangled with glittering blue stars.

"Miss Lestrange, what is that at your feet?"

Raven looked down and felt her heart swell with pride. They were the most beautiful boots she ever possessed and she had saved so long to buy them.

"Um, those are platform boots, sir."

"Don't give me cheek, Lestrange."

_Strange, when Lily gives him cheek, the old walrus calls it __endearing__..._

"Anyway, that is not the appropriate footwear for a Hogwarts student, it does not agree to the rules."

"The rules say we have to wear black robes and a plain black hat in class. They don't say anything about platform boots," Raven informed her Head of House. Alright, probably it was viewed with great disapproval if you tied knots in your robes so you could show more of your legs... or boots, for that matter- but it wasn't explicitly forbidden either.

"You're a shame to Slytherin." Professor Slughorn's face was rather red now. "I expect you to dress decently at school, especially since you're in my house."

Oh, he does actually remember that? Raven wondered because the old walrus had never paid much attention to her.

"Problems, Professor?" An unknown voice asked from the shadows of the dungeons; it sounded as if its owner used to gargle with barbed wire- or razor blades.

Slughorn winced visibly. "Nothing that I cannot handle, Professor Steel."

Raven's eyes widened. Last night at the welcoming feast, Headmaster Dumbledore had announced that a certain Professor Steel, an American Auror, would be teaching Defence against the Dark Arts this year- but as far as she knew, nobody had seen that mysterious professor yet. Naturally, she was very curious now.

Something grey emerged from the shadows. It was wrapped in strange grey robes that looked more oriental than American... more like a Tuareg from the Sahara deserts, or an Indian guru- except that it was a witch. She had very short silvery-grey hair and a dark tanned face with skin that reminded of weathered leather, wrinkled and scarred. Bright green eyes scanned Raven from head to toe until they came to rest on her platform boots. The witch smirked ever so slightly.

"You may leave now," she told Raven in her rough, barbed wire voice that was anything but female and yet not totally unfriendly either. It was a voice, though, that demanded respect.

Well, and that was a novelty. Most of the Defence against the Dark Arts teachers they had had these last five years- each year a new one (there was talk that the position was cursed)- had not been exceedingly respectable. Raven wouldn't go as far as Severus and call them _morons_, but he certainly had a point there. Standards were low in Defence and sometimes it came as a big surprise when they actually learned something useful. Therefore, Raven was looking forward to her first Defence against the Dark Arts class of this year. Would Professor Steel be any different? She really thought so and couldn't wait to tell Sev about having met her.

Alas, he didn't seem to be interested in their new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. He had seen Raven talking to Lily, so he wanted to know all about that now.

Severus grabbed her arm and dragged her along with him, out of the Slytherin common room and to a quiet corridor near the kitchens, where nobody could hear him interrogate her about what Lily had said.

"You don't want to know," Raven snapped as she struggled to free her arm from his grip. "And don't you **ever** send me to talk to that person again!"

Immediately, Severus let go of her, looking stunned. What the hell was wrong with her? He had always believed that the two witches were good friends, but now it didn't sound like that at all.

"It... um, am I right to assume it didn't go well?"

"No, it fucking didn't go well! There's just no reasoning with bloody St Lily! Oh, the nerve of her!" Raven was positively fuming now. "Damn, Sev, I can't pretend anymore."

He was startled, expecting the worst, since Lily had said exactly the same words before she had cut ties with him. Surprisingly, though, Raven's anger wasn't directed at him.

"I can't stand Lily Evans. She thinks she's Hogwarts moral compass and yet she judges everything with double standards, because there's no room for different shades of grey in her pretty little black and white world. You know, I tried to mediate, I honestly did- but she wouldn't even listen to me. Instead, she told me to stay away from you, and when I told her to forget about that 'cause you're my best friend, she accused me of being just as evil as you are and that we both can't wait to join You-know-who. What a bloody nonsense. Then I ran into the old walrus and _he_ took offence at my Muggle boots! You know what? Sometimes I believe that this castle only pretends to be a school for wizardry and witchcraft when in fact it is a lunatic asylum."

That moment, the door to the kitchens opened and a little house-elf stuck its head into the corridor, beaming from one bat-like ear to the other. "Master and Mistress wants tea?"

Raven and Severus glanced at each other, then at Pinkie, and finally back at each other. His lips twitched slightly due to the absurdity of the situation; Raven laughed out loud.

"Alright, let's have a tea," she said, mainly to please Pinkie.

When they were sitting at a table in the kitchens, sipping their tea, Raven reached out to take his hand in hers.

"I'm sorry, Sev. I really wanted to give you better news but apparently I fucked it up."

"You didn't. I did," he said, and in an unguarded moment she saw a thought flicker through his mind.

_If all is lost, why not join Lord Voldemort's ranks..._

"Because you don't really want to."

"I beg your pardon?" Severus hissed waspishly, angry at himself for being so careless to not guard his mind although he knew she was quite an acceptable Legilimens. He withdrew his hand from her grip.

"You're thinking about joining Lord V, but you're doing that for the wrong reasons. You don't really believe in his bullshit about blood purity and-"

"He's trying to revolutionise our world, and I happen to find that desirable."

She understood that- somehow. Raven knew his family background, she knew his childhood hadn't been all sunshine and roses mainly due to the problems his parents had. However, that was still no reason to become a pure-blood supremacist, especially since he obviously didn't believe in their ideology. Severus didn't detest Muggleborns or Muggles in general. He had gotten on very well with her father and also with her Muggle friends; he was even in love with a Mudblood... His two desires didn't seem to coincide.

"Alright, but revolution is not a dinner party, nor an essay, nor a painting, nor a piece of embroidery; it cannot be advanced softly, gradually, carefully, considerately, respectfully, politely, plainly, and modestly. A revolution is an insurrection, an act of violence by which one class overthrows another." Raven quoted Mao Zedong, proving once more that she was a history geek.

Severus shot her a quizzical glance. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That revolution goes along with violence, Sev. Well, except if you're a hippie, of course- just take a look at history. Whenever a psychopath came up with the idea that one group of people is better, or more superior than the rest, and managed to gather a flock of followers who believed the same shit, it always resulted in mass murder. People disappeared, they get tortured and end in concentration camps. Mind, I'm not saying that the Dark Lord has achieved that much yet, but it has already started. The signs are just the same- the _Daily Prophet _reports of missing persons, Muggleborn witches and wizards get attacked, and you know what happened to my aunt and uncle. There's no proof, but there are certain parallels to past reigns of terror. There is an atmosphere of worry and suspect; fear has been evoked. Remember what it was like in Diagon Alley?"

This year, they had bought their school supplies together but that was not what Raven was about. Severus recalled the depressing mood in the usually so buzzing commercial street; many shops had been closed and there were no tables outside Fortescue's. Wizards and witches hurried to have their business done, not lingering for a chat or a leisure stroll. There had been an attack on the shop of a Muggleborn wizard just the previous day and the smell of burned wood, of cast spells and death, was still hanging in the air. People were whispering that the Death Eaters were to blame...

_But there's no evidence for that_, he thought stubbornly.

Raven took his hand again and gave it a squeeze.

"Allow me a moment and play over a scene over in your mind for me, will you? Let's assume you joined You-know-who and he'd given you the order to attack someone you don't even know only because that person is inferior in blood status. What would you do? Would you like to kill or torture said person willingly?"

Severus didn't answer. To him, it was a rhetorical question since there was still no proof that Lord Voldemort didn't only follow some political idea. The Dark Lord wanted to change the wizarding world for the better, and opposing against the current political system and the ideals of the Ministry of Magic should be allowed. Well, _democracy_ allowed opposition- but that wasn't common in the wizarding world anyway- and then a nagging thought wormed its way into his head and refused to go away. What if Raven was right? After all, she was a sensible witch who didn't condemn the Dark Arts per se, and she was a history geek.

"Sev," she said gently, squeezing his hand again, "I don't want to sway you, or persuade you, and most certainly I won't make you believe in something that isn't agreeable to your ideals, either. All I'm asking you is to listen to your heart- well and to give me a week or so to give you an essay about known tyrants and their ways. Will you grant me that before you hasten things and join the Dark Lord?"

He nodded in the affirmative after having thoughtfully considered her suggestion and finding no fault in it. Most probably he couldn't join Lord Voldemort's ranks anyway, while he was still at school, and besides, he actually did have some qualms about making that step because it seemed to be so... _final_.

Although there was a big, fat chance of recognition and probably even appraisal waiting for him, the words of Raven's father were still ringing in his ears, '…_ the easiest way isn't always the best... I have faith in you, Severus, that you will make your way...'  
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thanks to my lovely betas, hypnotic ink and Alabaster Princess.


	17. Look My Way

17- Look My Way

Under different circumstances, Severus would have been looking forward to his first Potions class of the term, but he was rather low-spirited this morning because he knew it wouldn't be the same without Lily. Most definitely she wouldn't want to sit next to him and be his Potions partner like she used to. She still refused to talk to him- she had even warned Raven off him. Of course, Raven hadn't listen to her. Raven had tried to defend him; he could not blame her for having failed.

Cantankerously, he watched Lily sitting down next to Lupin of all people, and the wolf smiled at her. It made him so sick. Obviously she was still of the belief that such a nice and friendly boy- a prefect- couldn't possibly be a werewolf...

A voice interrupted his thoughts. "Is this seat already taken?"

Severus looked up and stared at Raven Lestrange before he wordlessly removed his bag from the seat next to him. He had almost hoped that nobody would want to be partnered with him, but he didn't mind the idea of working with her. At least Lestrange was a halfway decent brewer, which he couldn't say of most of the berks in this class.

That moment, Professor Slughorn entered the classroom, looking quite pleased with himself.

"I must say I am proud to see so many of you passed your OWLs, despite the unfortunate fact that only one Outstanding was given. It was a decision of the board of examiners."

Raven smirked. She knew who had scored an O, while the rest of the class was still speculating, thinking it might be Lily Evans or perhaps James Potter.

"Now, let's start with class!" Slughorn cried. "As you can see, I have four cauldrons of potions. Who can identify them?" He moved to the first cauldron, which contained a viscous, dark-brown and slightly muddy-looking potion that bubbled slowly. "What's that?"

"Looks like Hippogriff shit," Potter exclaimed.

Lily rolled her eyes. "It's Polyjuice Potion. A potion that allows a human being to take the form of someone else."

"Exactly!" Professor Slughorn clapped his hands together. "Very good! Smart girl!"

"Well," Severus drawled, "the Polyjuice Potion we get to see here is incomplete, of course. You have to add the extract- meaning a piece, like a hair or a fingernail- of the person you want to transform into to make it work."

"Yes, yes," Slughorn said casually, not really taking interest in Severus' knowledge. Instead, he focussed on his favourite student again. "Now, Miss Evans, can you also identify that potion?"

He pointed to a colourless and odourless liquid.

"That is probably Veritaserum, a truth potion. It can be mixed with any drink because it's so... inconspicuous. Only three drops are a sufficient dose and the drinker will inevitably spill the truth."

Severus snorted and mumbled for only Raven to hear, "Tsk! Veritaserum can be resisted through different methods, including Occlumency..."

"Wonderful, Miss Evans. Twenty points for Gryffindor." Professor Slughorn moved on to the next cauldron. The potion in there had a distinctive mother-of-pearl sheen, and steam rose from it in spirals. Its smell reminded Raven of ink on parchment, old tomes and something else that was just typical... _Severus_. Immediately she knew that this was Amortentia, a love potion. The most powerful love potion. Of course, it didn't create love but faked a very strong obsession that the drinker might mistake as love. Therefore, it was probably the most dangerous potion in the classroom- although her female classmates giggled as if they thought it a romantic idea to drug their love interest with Amortentia...

Meanwhile, Professor Slughorn had reached the last of the four cauldrons. He beamed as if already overdosed by potion fumes, before he cheerfully asked, "Does anybody know what this is?"

The potion had the colour of molten gold and large drops were leaping like goldfish above the surface.

"That's liquid luck!" Gasped a boy at the back of the classroom.

"Correct! Ten points to Hufflepuff! This is indeed Felix Felicis, commonly called liquid luck. It's an extremely tricky potion to brew, disastrous to get wrong, and the ingredients are fiendishly expensive to purchase. Also, it is toxic in high qualities because it causes giddiness, recklessness, and dangerous overconfidence. But taken at a reasonable amount, on rare occasions, will give you the day of your life!"

Potter exchanged a mischievous glance with Black, probably thinking about how they could manage to nick some liquid luck to have a fun day. Professor Slughorn offered a possibility.

"Here's the challenge- a small vial of this prized potion will be given to the one who brews the best Draught of Living Death. You have one hour, starting now."

And while his students opened their textbooks, Professor Slughorn deemed it necessary to point out that Felix Felicis was of course a banned substance in competitions, such as sporting events or exams. Potter's face fell.

Raven measured her ingredients carefully, following the instructions given in her textbook until she noticed that the margins of Severus' textbook were already dark with ink and edited with notes that seemed to contradict Libatius Borage's instructions. But squashing the Sopophorous Bean made more sense to her than trying to cut it, and so she followed his example. She had no clue why her Draught of the Living Death didn't look as perfect as Severus' in the end, but it gave her sort of a malicious pleasure that Lily's potion wasn't better than hers. Although it was obvious that Slughorn would have loved to award his favourite student with that small vial of Felix Felicis, he had to keep to the rules he'd set and so he handed the vial to Severus- who unceremoniously stowed it in the pocket of his robes.

Potter and Black were watching him.

"Wow, that's so cool!" Raven was happy for her best friend. "What you're gonna do with it?"

Severus shrugged, he really had no clue. For a moment he thought about using it to win Lily back- he needed a lot of luck to get her to even talk to him again- but then he considered it inappropriate. It would be just as fake a thing as drugging her with a love potion.

Secretly, he slipped the small vial into the pocket of Raven's robes. "Keep it for me," he whispered, recalling how Potter and Black had watched him. They were up to no good, he just knew that.

The vial would have broken, had it still been in his pocket. Apparently the Marauders had decided that if they couldn't have some liquid luck, Severus was the last person who deserved it. The impact his right side made with the wall was painful- Potter had used a strong Revulsion Jinx to send him crashing against the stones- but at least his Felix Felicis was safe.

"You seem to have run out of luck, Snivellus," sneered Black when he noticed a moist spot on Severus' robes that was growing bigger. Of course he didn't know that the Slytherin had surreptitiously cast a subtle Aguamenti Charm at that particular spot.

Although no real harm was done, Severus fired some hexes at his nemesis to make them believe they had succeeded and he was upset because of the loss. Gryffindors were so easy to fool.

"My name is Steel. Alice Steel. I'm an Auror," announced the new professor, and she didn't seem to give a damn about the fact that some students were staring appalled at the scars in her face. "What do you kids know about the work of an Auror?"

"Aurors hunt and fight Dark wizards and witches," Potter answered immediately, without having been called up.

Professor Steel rolled her eyes. "Oh dear," she sighed, before addressing the class again. "Has anyone a more realistic idea?"

Almost coyly, Raven raised her hand.

"You there, Miss platform-boots, what have you got to say?"

"Um... I guess Mister Potter has either seen too many James Bond movies- unlikely- or he really believes the profession of an Auror is all fun and action, when in fact there is so much more to it. Like crime scene investigations, all the forensic stuff and probably even a horrible amount of tedious paperwork."

"That sums it up quite nicely," said Professor Steel with a slight smirk.

"Prongs, if there's tedious paperwork involved, I don't want to become an Auror," whispered Black.

"Ah, Padfoot, you don't have to," Potter replied.

_Prongs? Padfoot?_ Raven was wondering about the nicknames the Marauders were using to address each other, and at least the latter reminded her of a puppy with feet too big for its body. It didn't seem fit to characterize Sirius Black though, who still had a nice bum although the rest of him was simply despicable.

Professor Steel flashed them a sharp glance, her bright green eyes were sparking with disapproval. "I won't tolerate any mindless babble in my class, and that's the last warning. Either you remain silent until you have something significant to say, or I'll make you."

Severus couldn't help but smirk at that. He was beginning to like the new Defence against the Dark Arts professor. At least she radiated more competence than any of the morons that had taught this subject before.

"You have had five teachers in Defence against the Dark Arts so far," Professor Steel continued, "and each of them had his own method, his own priorities. Unfortunately, their standards have been shockingly low. Furthermore, I must admit that I do not approve to the headmaster's decision to make my NEWT classes mandatory fun. Of course, he has the current political situation in mind and wants you to be well-prepared. To me, it only means I have to deal with some obvious trolls that will inevitably slow the progression of other, more talented students. Therefore, I'm planning to split this class in two, so the more advanced of you won't have to suffer from the stupidity of the... _less advanced_ students. That said, I'm asking you to surprise me with at least a little hint of intelligence, and if you promise to pay attention in my class, I promise you will actually learn something about Defence against the Dark Arts."

"Now, what do you know about the Dark Arts?"

Lily raised her hand and got called up. She answered, "the Dark Arts are evil, that's why they don't teach them at Hogwarts."

"And you think that's the correct approach to that matter?"

"Why, yes, of course."

"Poor girl. Your ignorance will get you killed one day. Let's get this right, kids. Yes, many a Dark curse is indeed '_evil'_, but we cannot afford to ignore the Dark Arts if we want to fight them. Dark Magic- and that may come as a great shock to you now- is probably the most imaginative branch of wizardry and witchcraft; it is ever-changing and eternal. Defence against the Dark Arts means that you're fighting what is unfixed, mutating and sometimes even indestructible, because you cannot possibly expect to ever be able to erase 'evil' itself. There is a Dark side in every human being, just as well as there is what's commonly called 'good'. Both cannot exist without the other; there is no shadow without a light. Has any of you ever heard of Yin and Yang?"

Raven raised her hand. "Chinese philosophy, it's a sign that symbolizes the balance of two contrasts like black and white, male and female."

"Correct indeed," Professor Steel arched an approving brow at the girl and a casual wave of her hand later, the sign appeared at the blackboard. She gave her students a moment to copy it before she proceeded with her lecture.

"Fighting the Dark Arts can only be a matter of restoring the balance of the universe. That may sound easy, but it isn't since you're fighting what appears to be a many-headed monster. Each time you sever a head, it sprouts a new one. Therefore your defence has to be even fiercer and clever than the new head that appears- you have to be just as inventive. In order to succeed, you have to embrace your darkest side and make amends with it. And finally, you have to develop an interest in the Dark Arts. Only if you know them, truly know them, you can fend them off effectively..."

One of the Gryffindor girls gasped scandalized. "You want us to learn the Dark Arts?"

"Oh don't you fret, girl!" Professor Steel sneered. "I won't make you use Unforgivables on your fellow class mates. For a start, I'd be pleased to see if any of you show the slightest talent for non-verbal spells."

There had been whispers before, but at the end of the first week, the whole school was gossiping about Professor Steel, the American Auror and new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. Some of the students thought her the height of cool, while others begged to differ.

Lily Evans didn't approve to her attitude because she made it sound as if she was rather _captivated_ by the Dark Arts, instead of strictly condemning them.

Severus thought she was decidedly qualified and therefore quite a decent teacher, whereas Raven admired her already after the first lesson. After all, Professor Alice Steel was a professional Auror, and Raven wanted to become one. She wanted to be just as cool as her, albeit minus her scars.

Both she and Severus were proud to be in Professor Steel's Advanced Defence class.

Some weeks into term, on a bright and sunny autumn day, Severus was sitting by the lake, waiting for Raven. They had decided to meet there, since it was probably the last warm day of the year they could spend outside.

The giggling noise of girls made him look up from his book, and he saw Lily's red hair gleaming in the sunlight at the far end of the lake. She seemed to be enjoying herself, laughing and chatting with her Gryffindor friends- it felt like a stab in the heart, having to realize that Lily was apparently perfectly happy without him. And it was still so very, very strange to not be part of her life anymore. It hurt to have lost her friendship- only because of one horrible word, uttered... no, _shouted_... in a moment of humiliation. He had shouted at her just like father always shouted at mother, and for a brief moment, Severus feared he might actually become like his father. But, no- he would **not** let that happen. He was no good-for-nothing Muggle, even though he was the spawn of one. There was no way to deny that sorry fact- but he would rise above the dunghill of Spinner's End and become someone of importance, someone with influence, someone worthy of attention... and then, Lily would look at him with different eyes again...

"Hi, Sev!" Raven's cheerful voice interrupted his thoughts.

"You're late," he grumbled.

"Yeah, I know," she said as she sat down next to him, flashing him an apologetic smile, "and I'm sorry for that. But I had to get this for you."

Severus arched a quizzical brow at her when she handed him a folder. "What's that?"

"Well, I promised you an essay, didn't I?" Raven lit a cigarette and exhaled the smoky fumes with a contended sigh. Then she noticed that her best friend gave her a sceptical glance.

"You still want to sway me from joining You-know-who?"

"No. I want to convince you with reasonable arguments that it is not a wise idea. And most certainly not because of _her_." She jerked her head in Lily's direction- oh, how she hated the longing glances he shot the red-haired witch when he thought no one was watching.

"Lily's got nothing to do with my decision."

"Well, that's good to hear 'cause I doubt she'd be much impressed if you joined a group of supremacists who'd kill her parents without blinking an eye." Raven said slightly sarcastic.

"It is not my intention to harm her parents," Severus hissed.

"I know it's not. But can you say the same about Lord V? After all, he wants to revolutionise the wizarding world by getting rid of Mudbloods-"

"Don't say that word!"

"-and Muggles," Raven continued nonchalantly as she opened the folder Severus was still holding in his hands. It contained several pages of text in her handwriting. "Admittedly, I'm late with that, too. I asked for a week to gather the information, but it turned out that one week wasn't enough. Anyway, let me give you a short summary. If you read my essay, you will find out that there were other people in history that had the same idea, and there even seems to be a certain pattern- or call it method to their madness. First, there is an idea, and sometimes even a good one, to revolutionise the world. At that stage, the later tyrant gives the impression of a charismatic leader who could indeed make the world a better place. Then comes the moment when he will present a guilty person, or rather a _group_ of guilty people, because there must be a problem or the world would be perfect already. Ergo, someone must be responsible for it, and those who are to blame for the problem must be eliminated. That's when denunciation starts. Soon, an overall atmosphere of fear and terror is spreading as the formerly charismatic leader shows his true colours and is finally recognisable as a tyrant. The result is always the same- call it mass-murder, genocide or Holocaust."

"That's a Muggle term." Severus interjected. He was flickering through her essay and noticed it included several pictures. _Muggle pictures,_ he realized, since they weren't moving. And yet, some of them made his blood run cold.

"Yeah, true- but that's not the point. The point is that the Nazis believed Jews are inferior, just like many pure-bloods believe that Muggles, or Muggleborns, are inferior. Hitler killed millions of Jews in concentration camps."

"The Dark Lord does not run such camps. You cannot compare him to a mad Muggle."

"But don't you see the parallels, Sev?"

Staring at the horrible picture of brutally tortured and slaughtered men and women, he said, "I see Muggles killing each other."

"Don't be so difficult," Raven said softly. "It doesn't matter if a Muggle or a wizard does the killing if it results in the death of innocent people. Besides, you may find it interesting to hear that history proves there is a connection between the rise of Muggle tyrants and Dark Arts activities in that area. Apparently, Muggles tend to become more aggressive in the subliminal atmosphere of _evil- _Merlin, how I hate this word, but I can't think of a better one right now- as if it would bring out the worst in them. For instance, take Grindelwald and Hitler. It is no coincidence they terrorized Europe at the same time; there are even Arithmetic equations and calculations to underline that theory.

"And Grindelwald- Grindelwald had the very same idea as Lord V. Alright, he masked it as _supportive_ for Muggles to be ruled by wizards and called it for the Greater Good- but in the end, his meaning of the Greater Good was to kill all his opponents or have them locked away in Nurmengard. Isn't it ironic that he is locked away at Nurmengard now?

"Also, do you actually believe that the Muggles will let the Dark Lord rule them? That they are looking forward to being enslaved like house-elves? And do you really think the rest of the world will sit back and watch how Britain becomes the playground of a megalomaniac wizard? There are diplomatic, military and most of all commercial relationships and interests to be considered. You may think we are superior because we are magical, but I say our magic is like a fart in the wind against the Atom Bomb."

Severus didn't reply. He was lost in thoughts, nibbling at his lower lip. Fortunately, Raven didn't seem to expect an answer right now. Instead, she was simply smoking another cigarette and the silence between them wasn't strained. Sometimes, it were those small gestures he was grateful for- the fact, that she never turned her back on him even if they differed on several points, that they could enjoy a moment of silence without it leaving an awkward feeling.

He closed the folder since he couldn't stomach looking at the pictures any longer. But he would read her essay, and he would read it thoroughly. Not because he needed to be convinced. Unlike his pure-blooded house mates, he was no ignorant. He knew the Muggle world. He didn't like it much but he wasn't foolish enough to underestimate it. It was just- he had never asked _himself_ the questions Raven had voiced. Now he realized the flaw in his plan. Contrary to Raven, he had done no thorough research but had allowed Lucius to impress him with influence, attitude and posh robes. The promise of power and recognition had blinded him, just like he was blinded with a desire to prove himself worthy for Lily. It wasn't... _Slytherin_ to let emotions get in the way. Only fools carried their hearts on their sleeves... well, and Raven Lestrange, but that was a completely different topic. She was an enigma that could go from sentimental to analytic in one sentence; she was sometimes pathetic, never really embarrassing but often very close to the edge, and she was always totally, simply Raven. She didn't give a damn about anything and that's why she could prance the corridors of Hogwarts in her platform boots and nobody thought it strange because _she_ was strange.

And now she had written an essay. For him. Next to her usual workload she had wasted a lot of time and effort for it, had done an apparently thorough and well-founded research- why? Why would she do that? What was in it for her?

But that was not the way Lestrange ticked. When he promised to read her essay, she smiled brightly at him and said, "Cool!" Then she gave him a peck on the cheek.

Severus' eyes widened. He was used to her hugging him, but that was new and he wasn't sure whether he liked it. _Well... it feels good... and her lips are soft... _

"You know," she said, "it's about choices, Sev. You always have a free choice- you only have to make it."

He knew she had a point, and yet he was wondering how he was to become a man of reputation, someone with influence and recognition in order to win Lily's heart, if he chose to _not_ join Lord Voldemort's ranks. And without Lily- could there be any happiness in his life?

Severus glanced at Raven. Why was she putting so much effort in persuading him to not follow that path? Could it be she envied him for what he might gain? No. Not Lestrange. He knew an absurd theory when it hit him straight in the face, and that one did. So why?

But, well, in the end it would be his choice, his alone. He had merely promised to read her essay. Nothing was decided yet- and strangely, she didn't even seem to expect an decision. She was not pushing him, which he appreciated a lot.

* * *

thanks- as usual- to my superb betas, Alabaster Princess and hypnotic ink. I Love you, girls.

Thanks also to my anonymous reviewers- I'd love to reply to you, so please leave an email address next time.

Last but not least, thanks to everyone who is bearing with me and put my story on their alert list.

Now- I love feedback!


	18. Life's an Elevator

thanks to hypnotic ink and Alabaster Princess

* * *

18- Life's an Elevator

"Come with me." Unceremoniously, Professor Steel ushered the two students out of her office before they even had a chance to enter it. She made an impatient gesture for them to follow her up a staircase that lead straight to the seventh floor. Having arrived there without uttering an unnecessary word, she quickly paced past the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy exactly three times, and all of a sudden a door appeared on the opposite wall.

"Wow!" Raven gasped. "Is that the _Come and Go Room_?"

"You know about it?" Severus asked, sounding astounded. Although he had probably read _Hogwarts: A History_ just as many times as she had, a _Come and Go Room _wasn't mentioned there.

"Well... I sort of _stumbled_ across it in second year, when I was trying to hide from," she cast a cautious glance at her Defence against the Dark Arts teacher before she lowered her voice and whispered, "you know who..."

Professor Steel smirked; it gave her scarred face a grim expression. Of course she had overheard the conversation between Lestrange and Snape- she would not have survived in her job for that long if her hearing wasn't astute. And those words seemed to confirm her suspicion that these two were being bullied here at Hogwarts. _So I was right_, she thought without feeling any triumph.

Now she knew why Miss Lestrange had approached her after class today, asking about the easiest way to learn wandless magic.

_'Wandless magic?' She wanted to laugh out loud because that request sounded quite pretentious for a sixth-year. Many of her classmates were still having problems with non-verbal spells... well, but not Lestrange. 'You are aware of the fact that wandless magic is a very advanced form of magic that only a few, exceptionally skilled wizards are able to perform? Except, of course, the unintentional, accidental magic of a child. Once a witch or wizard has learned to control their power, they tend to lose the abilities they had as a child and depend on their wand.'_

_'Yes, I know all that,' Lestrange replied in a serious tone. 'And it's true, I'm probably not an exceptionally skilled witch- but isn't it nonetheless possible to learn at least one wandless spell? Like, _Accio Wand_?' _

_Professor Steel's face was an inscrutable mask. She had been cautioned against Slytherins since theirs was the house that had raised more dark wizards and witches than any other. But she was an observant person, always vigilant due to her job. As an Auror, she was perfectly capable of telling true concern from obvious paranoia, and it was definitely close to hysteria to tar every Slytherin with the same brush, only because some of them had chosen a wrong path. And if the members of Slytherin house were indeed so prone to darkness and the Dark Arts, it was decidedly the wrong strategy to give up on them the moment they got Sorted. _

_Now there was a young, promising student looking at her with dark-blue eyes, and although Alice Steel was anything but a caring person, she felt tempted to give in to the girl's request._

_'Accio Wand?'_

_'Yes, Madam.'_

_'And why would you need that?'_

_Raven Lestrange averted her eyes, and that was all Professor Steel needed to know. She contemplated the girl's wish with a growing feeling of unease- it was obvious that many things weren't in order at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the most famous institution for young wizards and witches. Although she knew it was unlikely that she could actually change anything for the better in that one year she was going to stay, she nevertheless agreed to tutor Raven Lestrange and also her friend, Severus Snape. For one lesson, one evening. She would only waste one evening of her precious spare time, just to see if they were worthy being bothered about._

_After all, it had never been her intention to care for her students more than just having to face them in class every day._

"Funny, it was only a broom cabinet, then." Lestrange said, looking around the now much larger and decidedly more comfortably furnished room- although there really wasn't that much furniture either, just some mats on the floor. Nevertheless, anything was better than a broom cabinet.

"This room is called the _Room of Requirement," _Professor Steel informed her.

"Oh, I guess that's why I could never find it again. You know, I asked the house-elves about it and they called it the _Come and Go Room_ .."

"That's because the _Room of Requirement_ appears and disappears, and you won't be able to find it until you're in need of it. You have to walk past that tapestry of Barmy and the not ballet-dancing trolls three times, concentrating hard on what you need-"

"And then the room will provide me with whatever I need?" Raven glanced at her Defence against the Dark Arts teacher with sparkling eyes.

"That's the theory."

"And if I need to listen to the John Peel Sessions on BBC Radio 1?"

Professor Steel had to bite her lips or she would have laughed out loud. So much about Dark Slytherins! At least this young witch was just a normal teenager. But she didn't laugh and she didn't answer the girl's question either. Instead, she insisted that they focussed solely on what they were here for.

"You want to learn something about the basics of wandless magic, so I suggest you sit down and listen." She made an inviting gesture for them to take a seat on the flat mats. "Make yourselves comfortable. Lie down, close your eyes. Relax. Clear you mind. Dispel all thoughts and try to focus on your magical core, on how it was like when you were just a wee kid and didn't know anything about wands."

She hadn't expected them to be versed in the subtle arts of meditation- usually, sixth years weren't able to occlude their minds. Observing them closely, she wondered about it for only a short moment before it dawned upon her.

"You are Occlumens." It was a statement, not a question. The kids sat up, staring at her as if they had no clue what she was talking about. To satisfy herself that she was indeed right, she tried to probe the mental barriers of her students. Lestrange's defences were solid; they couldn't be broken without adding a violent touch, and that was not Professor Steel's intention. After all, she had agreed to tutor the kids and not to break them. Nevertheless, she had to find out more about it. "Where did you learn to become Occlumens?"

Raven shrugged defiantly. "Nowhere. I found out about it almost accidentally..."

"Accidentally? You woke up one day and discovered you're a natural Occlumens?"

"Yeah, sort of." The girl exchanged glances with her friend, who seemed to be wary about what to tell. Apparently it was their little secret- and apparently, the two of them were capable of communicating without words.

"So you also learned to master Legilimency?" Professor Steel enquired, a hint of curiosity in her voice.

The girl smirked ever so slightly whereas the boy remained totally unfazed. He knew very well how to hide his emotions.

"Well, I wouldn't consider myself a Legilimens..." Lestrange said after a moment of contemplation. "It is not in my interest to go snooping in someone else's mind, if you know what I mean. It's just- well, it seems to work between Sev and I... when he is willing to share, of course."

"I see." Professor Steel decided to not interrogate them any further since it was obvious that they were unwilling to reveal more. It was alright with her- although she would have loved to find out how they had learned the Mind Arts. And, even more important, why? But sometimes, persistence was the wrong way to gain knowledge. Sometimes, you first had to earn the trust of the one you want to figure out and then they'd spill the beans. Alice Steel was a patient person, she could wait.

"Will you tell Dumbledore?" Snape asked.

"No. At least not yet. As far as I know, you have not broken the school rules by being talented students- but I will keep an eye on you two. If I happen to find out that you are using your skills to harm or try to take advantage of others, then you will have to fear my wrath. And now let's get back to the subject at hand. Wandless magic. Please resume to your initial position and lie down. Close your eyes. Remember the task I gave you and focus on your magical core."

While trying to comply to Professor Steel's instructions, Severus recalled how Raven had broached the idea of them having to learn wandless magic, and it had made perfect sense to him. Because never again did he want to feel as helpless and vulnerable as that moment when he was dangling upside down in the air, his pants exposed for everyone to see, totally humiliated by James bloody Potter... if only he had had his wand, then. But no, Potter's _Expelliarmus_ had made it fly out of his hand. Therefore, learning at least a wandless _Accio Wand_ would be decidedly useful.

Unfortunately, they had not succeeded...

… _it was summer; he was lying motionless on the floor, and his wand arm was stretched out. Mirroring Raven, who was in exactly the same position opposite of him.. Their wands were lying between them, some mere inches away from their fingers, and they were trying to will them back into their hands..._

_'What are you doing there?' Mrs Lestrange asked unceremoniously as she entered the room._

_'An attempt in wandless magic,_' _Raven replied casually._

_'Oh! Very well, go ahead..' She sat down on the sofa and picked up her knitting._

_Severus arched a quizzical brow at her. 'Don't you mind? I mean, we're not allowed to use magic outside of school'._

_Mrs Lestrange laughed softly. 'Well, that's not true. Of course, there is that silly Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery- and I don't agree with _reasonable, _since it is not. It is discriminating, given that magical parents are allowed to home school their children, and although the Trace is on every young wizard and witch under the age of seventeen,the Ministry generally ignores when it is broken by children of wizarding families- whereas Muggleborns are closely monitored. _

_'Admittedly, I don't know anything about wandless magic, but at least I'm witch enough to supervise your training sessions. So, carry on. I want you to be able to defend yourselves properly.'_

He didn't blame Mrs Lestrange- or Nigella, as he'd been asked to call her- for not having succeeded. Although she was a certainly a formidable person, in the end she was just a house wife and not an Auror like Professor Steel. It was simply a matter of competence.

Well, there was no immediate success tonight, either. His wand trembled and moved ever so slightly, but it didn't come shooting straight to his expectant fingers. Professor Steel, however, seemed to be impressed by even that small progress and so she agreed to give them another chance, next week. And then the week after, and once more after that... until meeting Professor Steel for just another secret lesson in the _Room of Requirement_ became part of their weekly agenda.

It never occurred to them to complain about the extra work they had loaded upon themselves, since both of them were grateful for the time Professor Steel granted them. And she really was an extraordinary teacher- mostly, perhaps, because she wasn't tainted by house rivalries like all the others. It was... a refreshing experience.

_*_ .

Raven was reading the _Daily Prophet_. It had become a habit of her ever since the murder of her aunt and uncle. She wanted to be up to date on what was going on in the wizarding world, although she knew to take the information with a grain of salt, since the _Daily Prophet_ was merely yellow press standard- big headlines, lots of moving pictures, and little text. Also, the _Daily Prophet_ was known to be influenced by whoever was in power. And at the moment, it was the mouthpiece of those in the Ministry who feared the growing influence of the Dark Lord.

She would have loved to read more well-founded, critical articles, but unfortunately, the _Daily Prophet_ was the only newspaper in wizarding Britain, and that was a shame. There should be independent information available.

Today's headline jumped into her face. 'MUGGLEBORN WIZARD KILLED!' it read in blood red letters. The wizard himself wasn't famous or important, so he wouldn't have made it to page one if not for the fact that his murderer had been caught in the act, and he was a Death Eater. There was a picture of the delinquent, a cruel looking fellow, shouting obscenities at the reporters and photographers as he raised his left arm to reveal some sort of a mark.

"Look at that!" There were no fellow Slytherins around when Raven literally shoved the paper into Severus' face. "He marks his followers as if they''re cattle! Honestly, Sev, you cannot possibly want such an ugly pseudo tattoo on your arm! I mean, if you actually do consider getting a tattoo, I know quite a talented artist in London who'd do a much better job."

Oh, that was so typically Lestrange! He almost laughed out loud. That witch was still an enigma to him. Never had she teased him about his unfortunate looks, the much too big nose, his lank and greasy hair, his scrawny build that differed so much from the athletic form of popular Quidditch champions... he was well aware of his many flaws (that's why Lily didn't fancy him the way he would have liked) but Raven considered the very idea of the Dark Mark on his arm affronting!

Severus glanced at the paper. "Sensation-seeking crap."

"I know," she agreed.

He wanted to tell her that only the inner circle of Lord Voldemort's ranks was to receive the Dark Mark- it was an honour, actually (Lucius had told him that when he had showed his Dark Mark to him). But Severus remained silent since he doubted that Raven would be impressed. And once again her objections made perfect sense to him. Honour or not, he didn't want to be branded like cattle.

And yet, he was still hesitant to make a final decision- although he had read Raven's essay at least twice. His reluctance against joining the Dark Lord's forces was growing, and he would have called it an option not worth considering any longer, a stupid idea... if not for Lily. There seemed to be no other way to make her recognise him. Or was there?

Christmas time was approaching, just as inevitably as every year. Severus didn't give a damn about the decorations in the Great Hall or the sentimental feelings that seemed to befall all students that time of the year. As usual, he would spend Christmas in solitude, in the deserted Slytherin common room. And probably he'd be wondering once again why all the pure-bloods of his house were making such a fuss about a festivity created by Muggles, to celebrate the birth of a Muggle martyr. He reckoned it was solely for commercial purpose. His house-mates loved to brag about the expensive presents they got, making it a competition of who had gotten the most presents- as if the amount of galleons a family spent would actually show how much they valued their offspring... well, if that was the benchmark, Severus wasn't valued at all. He couldn't even remember the last time his parents had given him a present.

He didn't care. He wouldn't complain about that, and the pitiful glances of his pure-blooded house-mates would roll off of him just like they usually did. The few gifts he received were precious to him- Raven's were always very thoughtfully chosen, and naturally he treasured everything Lily gave to him... then his mood hit rock bottom as he realized that this year she would not get him anything, wouldn't think of him or include him in her prayers.

_Prayers_!

Severus rolled his eyes. What an absurd idea! Even if there was an all-mighty something or someone- any deity- somewhere, he was pretty certain the powers that be had better things to do than listening to the prayers of some fools, too scared to take their life into their own hands.

A couple of days before Christmas break, at breakfast, Raven received an owl from her parents. As usual, she would be spending the holidays with her family. Just like every year. At least she had an intact, happy family life to return to... Severus didn't mind.

"For you," she said unceremoniously after having read her letter and handing him one that was addressed to him. "Open it!"

He would have wished for a little more privacy, but that was an invalid request whenever Raven Lestrange was concerned. Sometimes, she was really annoying in her straight-forward way, lurking over his shoulder.

"Isn't that cool! They want you to come over for Christmas."

Yes, he had already figured out that much, since it was an invitation. Mr and Mrs Lestrange- no, _Chris and Nigella_- were indeed asking him politely if he'd like to spend Christmas with them.

To what point and purpose? Was it merely due to Raven's constant meddling? Had she persuaded them to invite him?

But no, she seemed to be surprised, although her eyes were sparkling with unadulterated joy. These damned, big blue eyes were looking at him so full of expectation and anticipation, as if her happiness depended on his consent. And although he wasn't disinclined to acquiesce the invitation he was nevertheless hesitant... he would have to buy presents for her parents if he accepted their hospitality... and he wasn't very good at that.

Alright, he _had_ saved some galleons. Mulciber and Avery were paying for his _help_ now; they gave him a galleon for each essay he did for them. He hadn't asked for that, and it had taken him some investigation until he found out that Raven had arranged this deal… how someone as clearly unpopular as she had managed to convince them was beyond him imagination, but she had set the rules and the boys had agreed without much grumbling...

_'One galleon each,' she repeated calmly._

_'I beg your pardon?' Avery gasped dumbfounded.._

_'I trust in your hearing abilities, Avery, and it's not that hard to understand, isn't it? One galleon. For each essay.'_

_'But he never charged anything before,' Mulciber interjected, staring at her legs. For someone with a dubious family background she had really nice legs. _

_Raven was very well aware of the fact that she was- more or less discreetly- playing with her female allures here. Although it was somewhat repugnant, the way they were gaping at her, it nevertheless did serve a purpose and it was an easy way to make them listen... and, in the end, to make them agree._

_'Yep, but we're in NEWT classes now, meaning the standard has increased and therefore also the price. Actually, it's a matter of market economy. I guess you're familiar with it, Avery? Isn't your father a high shot at Gringotts? Then you must know about the rules of the market. You want something your own intellect isn't willing to provide, so you must pay for it.'_

_Mulciber glanced at Avery and shrugged. 'Well, it makes sense to me.'_

_'Don't you think we should ask Lucius first?'_

_'Well, if you want to bother an important and likely very busy man like Lucius Malfoy with your petty schoolboys stuff, I reckon he'll be mightily pleased.'_

_'She's right, mate.'_

_To her immense surprise, Mulciber and Avery gave in without much further ado. _

_'You won't regret it, boys. After all, you're investing in your very own future.' Raven hadn't expected it to be that easy. She had, however, expected Severus to protest more about her _insufferable meddling_... but after all was said and done he simply accepted her efforts without being too difficult about it and- of course- without ever thanking her for it. It didn't matter to Raven. They were friends and he'd done so much for her already- without Severus, she wouldn't have passed her potions OWLS. Without Sev, life at Hogwarts would be unbearable..._

And now, Sev would be spending Christmas with her and her family. He hadn't affirmed it yet, but Raven was certain that he would accept the invitation. Which would be great. More than great. It would be her best Christmas present ever...

Of course, Christmas would be different this year, now that Aunt Drusilla and Uncle Horatio were gone. To be honest, Raven had actually considered staying at Hogwarts for the holidays because she couldn't bear the loss and all the memories it evoked... on the other hand, she wanted to be with her parents, wanted to- well, to not _mourn_ her relatives. She wanted to remember them just as fun-loving and warm-hearted as they were, instead of being reminded of their death, and apparently that was precisely what her parents had in mind. A different way of celebrating Christmas. Since they couldn't rewind time, they had decided to start a new tradition by inviting her best friend.

It made Raven smile brightly when Severus finally composed a letter to her parents, telling them that he felt honoured to accept their invitation.

They took the Knight Bus to London- it was much faster than the Hogwarts Express and there were less students to annoy them with their mindless chatter or stupid pranks.

The Lestranges welcomed Severus with open arms. It seemed they were really happy to see him, although he couldn't figure out why. After all, he was just a friend of their daughter and yet they behaved as if he was family. It was a good feeling, though. Never before had he returned to his own home at Spinner's End and felt so accepted, so... well, so _at home_. The room he had occupied last summer looked as if he had just left it. Nothing had changed, except that it had been dusted and the bedclothes smelled of freshly washed linen. On the bedside table was still lying the book he had read way back then- Muggle literature about the fictional dictator of an equally fictional totalitarian state, where the ruling elite wielded total power over the inhabitants by keeping them under complete surveillance...

Severus remembered how he had sneered about these stupid Muggles. Now however, after having studied Raven's essay a couple of times, he didn't think it a mere piece of fiction anymore. There was some truth to it. He knew of a city divided in two by a huge wall, separating families and friends because of different political ideas. He would have loved to call that a Muggle thing, but he feared it wasn't so. Probably it was just the dark abyss of human nature...

His mood sank, but not for very long. The delicious scent of cinnamon, vanilla and orange filled his nostrils, lingering to remind him that he was supposed to join the Lestranges downstairs. He was here to spend joyful Christmas holidays with them- and not to brood over things that might possibly come true... or probably not...

It was obvious that Mrs Lestrange- _Nigella! _(it was still new and strange to him, being expected to call his friend's parents by their given names since he had never been on first name terms with Lily's parents, although he knew them for much longer)- had baked Christmas cookies. And she had baked lots of them, many different kinds. Just for the fun of it, as she said, because she liked to try out new recipes from all over the world.

His mother had never done that. Severus couldn't even imagine mother spending more time in the kitchen than absolutely necessary, and most certainly not for the fun of it. And yet... he suddenly recalled a time when home at Spinner's End had not smelled of cold cabbage but of burnt gingerbread... He must have been very young then, since the memory was somewhat vague and slightly blurred by the disappointed expectations of a small boy, yearning for a sweet sensation in form of cookies. But mother had failed him, as she had so often failed him. Whatever had gone wrong that day, it had ended in mother and father shouting at each other, leaving him all alone in the kitchen with the burnt gingerbread...

It was too good a dream to last, since all good things didn't last. At least not with Severus. And therefore he was suspicious. Although this Christmas was the best he ever had, it appeared to him that it was only the calm before the storm, that something would happen. But when the blow came, he wasn't prepared for it.

It was on Boxing Day. They were sitting together in the living room, almost like a real family. Only that he wasn't family and a house elf was sitting on the sofa next to him.

Chris filled their glasses with dark red wine. "I've got something to say," he announced before looking at his wife for reassurance. Nigella reached out to squeeze his hand, a gentle smile on her face.

"Do you want me to leave?" Severus asked insecure.

"No, my dear boy, please stay," Nigella told him.

Chris was glancing at his daughter now. "I told you I had an appointment in Las Vegas last autumn, and it was quite successful. Well, to cut it short, the agency offered me a long-term engagement. They would grant me my own show-"

"Wow, that's cool, Dad!" Raven exclaimed cheerfully before it dawned upon her what that actually meant. "Oh..."

"Oh, indeed. And that's why I hesitated to accept their offer, at first. Then I discussed it at length with your mother, and given the current political circumstances in wizarding Britain, we both agreed that it would be wiser to take a good chance when presented on a silver tray. Mind, it's not about the money, although that is tempting enough. I just don't feel safe here anymore."

Severus stared at Chris in shock, the blood thundering in his ears. _Not safe_. What did he mean, it wasn't safe here anymore. Surely he couldn't mean Lord Voldemort? And yet he knew that that was exactly what Mr Lestrange was indicating, since he was a Muggle married to a witch and the Dark Lord did not approve to such a marriage. But would he kill to make it undone?

_Yes._

He read about it in the papers, every day. And although the Daily Prophet only wrote sensation-seeking crap, there was no denial that Muggleborn wizards or witches were disappearing on a daily basis, as well as Muggles, who were somehow connected to the wizarding world. Sometimes, they found their dead bodies. Mostly... not.

So yes, it made perfect sense for the Lestranges to go to America. As far as Severus knew, the Dark Lord had no followers there. At least not yet.

He hardly listened to the arrangements Chris had already made, nor that Chris left it to Raven to decide what she thought was best for her. All he could think of was that he didn't want to lose her. Despite all her oddities, he had grown fond on her- or perhaps just because of her odd ways that made her an enigma to him. But she was also his best friend. She had stood by his side, unfalteringly, come what may, when Lily had severed ties with him. She had not given up on him, even when he had almost joined that particular group of people that had become a threat to her family now. Instead of chiding him, or calling him evil per se, she had made her point with accurate precision, presenting him with facts based on well-founded research.

And no matter how much he had writhed, reluctant to accept the truth, he knew one thing for sure now: He, Severus Snape, would not join the ranks of Lord Voldemort. For her sake, for the sake of her not leaving him for good, he'd even go shopping with Raven, willingly. And just as willingly he would accompany her to that stupid New Year's party she kept talking about with enthusiasm (although he didn't expect it to be any fun, like she promised)

Falling apart with Lily had taught him one thing, and that was to never take friendship for granted. He had failed Lily. He would not fail Raven.


	19. Lady Stardust

19- Lady Stardust

"So this is Carnaby Street," Raven said as they turned around the corner, and she spread her arms wide to make him acknowledge the wonders of her world.

Severus looked around, apparently not impressed at all. "It's a street with shops."

"Sev, you have no idea what a street with shops means to a girl."

"I'm certain there will be many streets with even more shops in Las Vegas," he said waspishly, slightly annoyed by her cheerful mood.

"Yeah, perhaps. But I prefer London fashion over American plastic fantastic glitter-" Raven stopped dead in her tracks, whirling around to give him an incredulous stare as she suddenly came to realize what was bothering him. "Oh dear!" She exclaimed. "Tell me you're not that sullen and taciturn all day because my parents have decided to move to Las Vegas! Didn't you listen to what my father said? It's up to me if I go with them. And I won't."

"You won't?"

"I won't," she said firmly as she took his hand. He was obviously dumbstruck but he looked quite cute with his deep dark eyes searching her face for any trace of jest- as if she'd made fun of anything that important. "Sev, in a few months I'll be of age. I want to finish my education at Hogwarts and then start Auror training. I want to... no, I actually _don't_ want to fight the Dark Lord and his followers- at least not like these Gryffindor dunderheads who can't wait to jump headlong into danger. But I want to do something. I know, I can't change the world but I cannot sit back and watch wizarding Britain heading for disaster either. I cannot give up on wizarding society."

He was quiet for a long time, contemplating her words while a part of him jubilated- it was a part he rather hid. _She wouldn't leave._

"What about your parents?" Severus reasoned then. "I cannot imagine they approve to your choice."

"No, probably not," she admitted with a shrug. It wasn't a casual gesture though. All of a sudden she was feeling a tad insecure and helpless. "You know, deep down in their hearts I will always be their little girl they want to protect. On the other hand they know I've got to go my own way, therefore they will accept my decision. I reckon they already guess what I'm gonna tell them when the time comes to say goodbye."

She had to bite her lips and will back her tears. It sounded so easy but she knew it wouldn't be, because saying goodbye to loved ones was never easy and she already missed her parents terribly, imagining that soon there would be an ocean between her and them. Surreptitiously, she wiped away a stupid tear dangling at her lashes before smiling sheepishly at Severus. Merlin alone knew how much she would miss _him_ if she were to go to Las Vegas with her parents. They would be safe there- but her bad conscience of having left him all alone and vulnerable to the fake promises of a despotic ruler would probably kill her.

So she would stay. She didn't want to lose her best friend, the boy she loved.

"By the way, don't be embarrassed when Dad asks you to keep an eye on his little girl. He likes you a lot and he thinks a great deal of you, but you don't have to take it all too literally. I can take care of myself very well-" Raven forced herself to smile, feigning gaiety. "And now, let's go shopping."

_She would not leave!_ She would not turn her back on him and leave him, like Lily had done. For a short moment, Severus was in an almost ecstatic mood until he realized that he'd given in to her whims just because he had feared to lose his best friend. His only real friend.

Now he had to deal with the consequences.

He had agreed to go shopping with her, and he had agreed to accompany her to a Muggle New Year's party.

Lucius Malfoy would be scandalized if he could see him now.

Severus Snape was standing in the changing cubicle of a small shop, trying on a pair of jeans that Raven had stuffed into his arms, and although he didn't mind new clothes, he would have preferred Madam Malkin's for that. But he had agreed to accompany her to a Muggle party.

Looking at his reflection in the mirror, he groaned.

"Lestrange, that's absurd!"

"Come out and let me see," she instructed him mercilessly.

If only he had never agreed to this madness... albeit the jeans were not offending in colour (they were black, after all) it was nevertheless much too tight, and therefore he hesitated before presenting himself to her.

"Wow!" He heard someone gasp. It was the sales girl and apparently she was not grossed out by his sight. Quite the contrary, actually. "Your legs are adorable. Just like Sid's or Johnny's..."

"I beg your pardon?" His eyebrows shot up in a quizzical way, trying to figure out what the hell the girl was saying for she couldn't possibly mean that his legs were attractive. They were so long and skinny they looked like stilts in those damned, impossibly tight jeans.

Nevertheless, the sales girl circled him with appreciative eyes, which caused him to move in a counter circle to avoid her staring boldly at his behind. He scowled and wished he could simply hex her. Unfortunately, it wasn't wise to take out his wand and point it at an innocent sales girl who knew nothing about magic, and besides, that would mean a serious breach of the International Statute of Secrecy.

But before he could say or do anything, Raven was already by his side. She was acting very subtly, so subtle actually, that even he didn't quite get what was going on now since Raven had merely placed a hand on his shoulder and the sales girl was slowly retreating.

"What was all that about?" Severus asked half an hour later when they left the shop; he was carrying a bag. Raven had persuaded him to buy the jeans and a plain black shirt, and he had given in since she decidedly knew more about fashion.

"Isn't it obvious? Peggy fancies you."

"Peggy?"

"The sales girl- she thinks you've got rock-star-legs."

"Rock. Star. Legs?"

"Indeed." For a boy as bright as he usually was, he seemed to be quite slow on the uptake today. "You know, we chatted for a while, Peggy and I, while you changed. I agreed with her." Raven left out the part of Peggy thinking that _she_ was Sev's girlfriend because that was exactly what she had meant to indicate when she had placed her hand on his shoulder. The sales girl had shot her an apologetic glance, and after that they had gotten on quite well.

Peggy had told her about some new clubs she just _had_ to visit and also about a new music scene that had spiked her interest.

Meanwhile, Severus was still a tad dazzled about the fact that a girl, any girl, could fancy him.

"Rock-star-legs?" He asked again, sounding even more incredulous after contemplating that phrase for a couple of minutes.

"Aye," said Raven, "long and skinny." _Adorable indeed,_ she added in thoughts.

"But who in one's right mind would fancy that?"

_Oh dear, he 's really a bit dense today... Today? No, _she realized, _when it comes to his appearance he's a total idiot... _

"Well, girls with style do. Because girls with style would always chose the Thin White Duke over a brawny sports crack, because girls with style treasure intellect more than muscles, and they'd rather be Lady Stardust than just any pretty trophy wife."

Involuntarily, his thoughts drifted to Lily... and Potter .

Raven's eyes narrowed; she had noticed the slight change in his expression and immediately figured out who it was he was thinking about now.

"I'm talking about _style_, Sev, not about Lily Evans... I mean, honestly, she likes the Bee Gees! They sound like eunuchs, singing eunuchs- and that says a lot about her. I guess she'd be glad to be a trophy wife."

"Don't say that!" It was the worst thing he could imagine- his precious Lily and bloody James Potter. Everybody knew that the Gryffindor Quidditch champ fancied Lily...

"Why? It's true," Raven interrupted his thoughts, a sharp edge in her voice. "You believe you have to become rich and famous, so that St Lily will finally look at you with different eyes, that she will finally come to love you- but don't you see that she will never love you for yourself, for what you are, with all your flaws and rough edges? She would only be your trophy wife. And honestly, if Lily cannot love you without you having to become someone of importance, then she isn't worthy of your affection at all."

Severus opened his mouth to say something, but then he realized that he didn't really know what to say. Deep in his heart he knew she was right, although he was loathe to admit it. Instead, he kept on clutching at that peculiar straw that Lily would come to love him one day...

Perhaps he had to hold onto that because without hope life would be very dull.

The party was in a club in London, a live band was playing. The musicians weren't much older than Severus and Raven, some pallid, scrawny kids. Well, but musicians was probably not the correct term since it wasn't exactly _music_ what they played. It was more like... noise. The raw beat of drums, the dissonant strumming of a guitar, a voice that was rather shouting than singing. And as he watched the Muggles jumping up and down, Severus realized that he wouldn't need any of the neat dance steps Lucius Malfoy had taught him last summer. They were definitely not required here. No, not at all.

Lucius Malfoy would be scandalized if he could see him in this Muggle club. He would be scandalized to see that their writhing bodies weren't caused by a Cruciatus Curse but by that noise they called music.

It clearly differed from what Raven was usually listening to. The lyrics were different, less poetic. They didn't feature the starman, rabbit fighters, spiders from Mars or a metal guru... but as the raw sound kept on penetrating his ears, it became more and more the soundtrack of life at Spinner's End. All of a sudden he could see broken street lamps, paint peeling off a wall; he smelled cold cabbage, the air of desolation, and heard the shouting of his father, all set to music. And in this cacophony of noise he saw the dung of Spinner's End hurled straight into the faces of those who usually sneered at him- Potter, Black, his dumb fellow house mates, even Lucius Malfoy...

Somehow, that thought was strangely... _refreshing_.

On the other hand, the thought of Malfoy caused him a sudden feeling of unease. Lucius would never understand, and there was no way to reason with him. Just like any other pure-blood, he was utterly clueless of the Muggle world... and he was stupid enough to think himself superior to Muggles. He thought that magic was a mighty weapon- which it was- but then again he had never seen the horrible, horrible devastation caused by Muggle weapons of mass destruction; he had never seen pictures of Hiroshima or Nagasaki...

Raven handed him a drink, startling him out of his thoughts. She was smiling at him, apparently happy that he had agreed to accompany her to this event. Well, and that's why Severus had agreed to come in the first place. He'd wanted to do her a favour, knowing she would have stayed at home with him if he had asked her to. But although the music was still an affront to his ears, he was nevertheless glad he had joined her.

He noticed now that Raven was certainly a more popular girl in the Muggle music scene than she had ever been at Hogwarts, where she mostly kept to herself. Here, however, she seemed to know a lot of people who came over to say hello or just pat her shoulder, and when the band finally stopped playing, she introduced him to her friends.

Severus had already met a few of them last summer, like that bloke who was the owner of her favourite record shop; Jeffrey was his name. But there were others, and surprisingly, most of them were actually quite nice. At least they didn't sneer at him.

Some of the boys were swarming around Lestrange like moths drawn to a light, giving her flirtatious looks... he was suddenly wondering why she had never mentioned a boyfriend. But despite her obvious popularity she seemed to be content to spend most of her time with him, and in the end he had to admit that it could have been worse. He was almost enjoying himself.

At midnight, they went outside to watch the fireworks and celebrated the birth of a new year. They would become of age this year; they would learn how to Apparate and hopefully get their licence; they would enter their last year at Hogwarts this summer.

For a moment, Severus thought that this new year held many promises. Then he remembered that the future might not look all too rosy, but he didn't voice his worries until he was on his way home with Raven.

In the early hours of January first, 1977, as the new year was dawning just as grey and cloudy as the old one had ended and the streets were all cold and empty, they dropped out of the bus to walk the short distance to the house of the Lestranges. Raven had linked arms with Severus, huddling against him because of the light rainfall that had suddenly started.

"What if I'm already in too deep?"

She understood immediately what he was about and glanced at him with furrowed brows. "Hm, are you?"

Severus shrugged, nibbling at his lower lip without slowing down his pace. He, too, wanted to get out of the rain.

"Well, how deep are you in? Have you- for example- signed any sort of contract yet?"

He almost wanted to laugh out loud because of that absurd question- as if the Dark Lord would hand out contracts for his followers to sign! But Severus didn't laugh. It wasn't funny and besides, she had every right to ask. After all, he had started this topic; he had started sharing his worries with her... perhaps he shouldn't have drunken a second glass of punch since he was feeling slightly dizzy. And now he was having a much too loose tongue.

"Lucius wants to introduce me to the Dark Lord when I come of age."

"Oh bugger!" Raven stopped dead in her tracks and since she was still holding on to his arm, Severus was forced to stop, too. "But your birthday is only a couple of days away!" She exclaimed.

"Believe me, I am positively aware of that."

"Hm," she gave his arm a reassuring squeeze, "well then, I guess we have to find a way to get you out of this unfortunate dilemma rather sooner than later"

Now that was typically Lestrange- always looking on the bright side. If only he could share her confidence. But perhaps she was just too drunk to realize how grave the situation really was

Then she smiled at him.

"But you'll be spending your birthday with us, and in the evening we'll be leaving for Hogwarts again, and I doubt Dumbledore will let you go to meet Malfoy the first weeks into term- so that means we've got time until the next Hogsmeade weekend, which is around Valentine's Day."

"True," he allowed hesitantly.

"Well, and by then we've come up with a good strategy."

Severus arched a quizzical brow at her.

"For instance," Raven continued as she dragged him along, "why not make Lord V believe you really want to join him- _after_ you've finished your education at Hogwarts. After you've finished your apprenticeship with a renowned Potions Master. You could say it's only in his best interest to finally get a fully trained and accomplished potioneer instead of a mere school boy, because you would be so much more useful for him."

Although she was clearly thinking like a true Slytherin now, trading purposes against advantages, he didn't believe that that was the way the Dark Lord ticked. Severus had seen him once and he knew that he would neither take 'no' nor 'perhaps one day' for an answer when he _wanted_ something... or someone...

"You're insane!The Dark Lord is an exceptionally trained Legilimens; he will know when I'm lying."

"Yeah, but you happen to be a great Occlumens. You don't only manage to block mental attacks and fool those who wish to take even the slightest glimpse at your innermost thoughts- no, you've got the rare gift to make your mind a labyrinth of truths and well-disguised lies."

Meanwhile they had reached her home and she was fumbling for her key.

"You want me to fool the Dark Lord?"

"I guess that sums it up pretty nicely, only that you have to want it, too." Raven opened the door to let him in. "You're not doing it for me, Sev. It's your life. I just want you to be happy and I'll be always there for you if you need me."

He hung up the old leather jacket Chris had given him to complete his outfit for tonight.

_'You can keep it if you like,' Chris had said, 'blame it on Nigella's good cooking but I grew out of it,' and he had patted his belly which really wasn't fat at all. 'It would be a shame if I had to give it to charity...'_

_Severus had accepted the jacket because the Lestranges seemed to have a knack for not making him feel like a charity case whenever they endowed him with something._

"Raven," he whispered almost gently, a hint of desperation in his voice, "you don't know the Dark Lord..."

"True," she admitted. They went upstairs to her room. Although both of them were tired, they felt the need to carry on this discussion- it couldn't wait until they've had a good night's rest. Raven lit her lava lamps, the battery of many-coloured bubbles rising and falling like the tide, the never ending circle of ups and downs. Then she glanced at him. "But what do you know about him, Sev?

He gave her an incredulous glance.

"I mean, what do you _really_ know about him? Except for his propaganda, that is. But where did he come from? What's his real name? You know, I refuse to believe that someone is born Lord Voldemort or the Dark Lord... "

Severus couldn't oppress a slight smirk curling up his lips. _Clever girl_. Although he had never wondered about these questions, he considered them worth asking because if he was to dare the impossible and fool the Dark Lord (even if only for a short time) he needed to know all about him. He liked the way she often managed to steer his thoughts in the right direction. Unfortunately, though, he knew no answer to her questions.

"It cannot be," Raven continued musing aloud, "that someone appears from out of nowhere, without a background. Every tyrant has a history, a family, a weak spot... a turning point. What is his? When did he embrace the dark? Did he attend Hogwarts as a child?"

Severus shrugged. He knew he sounded feeble when he said, "I have no idea," and he didn't like that at all- but fact was that no one had ever addressed these matters before. His house mates were glad to crown Lord Voldemort as the figurehead of blood supremacy since he was supporting their ideals.

Then he remembered what Malfoy had told him once. "They say he's the heir of Salazar Slytherin."

"Now that's a starting point." Mentally, Raven was already busy with research. She would begin with the family history of Salazar Slytherin to find out more about his heir, but although she had access to many books about Slytherin, being a member of his house, she knew it wouldn't be that easy, given that all the old pure-blood families were interrelated. Nevertheless, there would be some hint and then she could check the old yearbooks in the library...

Severus was less optimistic.

Nigella was not very happy with the kids' decision to visit Diagon Alley in order to buy some school supplies. The commercial centre of wizarding Britain was no longer a safe place where one could take a leisurely stroll or go window shopping. Since the Death Eaters were spreading fear and terror, the atmosphere was strained. Wizards and witches were now avoiding the once so buzzing commercial area, and if they couldn't avoid it, they hurried to get their shopping done, huddled up in their robes as if the folds of fabric could protect them from the dangers that may be lurking behind the next corner.

No, Nigella was not happy to let them go, but the kids needed their supplies and they couldn't get them anywhere else, at least not in Muggle London.

For a short moment, Nigella wished she could go instead of Raven and Severus, although she knew that that was an absurd idea. Defence against the Dark Arts had never been her strongest subject while she was at Hogwarts, so the kids were probably much better trained and more skilled than she was, especially due to that teacher of theirs- Professor Steel, the American Auror who was still giving them private lessons. Meanwhile, they had learned to _Accio_ their wands by using wandless magic.

Nevertheless, she was worried. Not only about her darling daughter but about the boy as well, given that she had grown very fond of Severus. Admittedly, he was a bit shy or insecure sometimes, and he liked to cover it with grumpiness, apparently not aware of what a gem of a boy he truly was. Unaware of his talents, his bright mind and the goodness of his heart. That was something Nigella could easily see, even if others failed to do so...

"Be careful and please keep your hands to your wands all the time," she instructed the youngsters once again while biding them farewell at the front door.

Raven groaned, "Mum, we're not toddlers anymore."

"I know, my dear, but one cannot be careful enough and in the end you're better safe than sorry. Are you sure you really have to go to Diagon Alley?"

"Mum!"

They had talked about it before, many times actually, and although Raven understood her mother's worries, she nevertheless wouldn't miss the chance to rummage for books at Flourish and Blotts. And besides, Sev was keen to visit the apothecary in order to spend his last money on some rare potion ingredients.

"We'll be careful, all right?"

Nigella heaved a sigh. There was no use fretting, they weren't small children anymore. Soon, they'd be of age and go their very own ways.

_My, she's grown so much_, Nigella thought with a pang of motherly nostalgia as she watched the retreating form of her little darling daughter who had almost over night become a fully fledged young witch.

They took the bus to the nearest underground station and from there the Northern Line to Leicester Square. Now it was only a short walk down Charing Cross Road and they were standing in front of the _Leaky Cauldron_, but only wizards and witches could see its entrance door whereas Muggle eyes seemed to miss the grubby-looking pub, situated between a book shop and a record shop.

Raven stole a quick glance at the display of the record shop, although she knew it didn't sell the kind of music she liked (but she just couldn't help it!) before she entered the Leaky Cauldron to find it unusually empty. Usually, it was a buzzing with patrons and the noise level would be quite high, but today only a hag and a warlock were sitting in the pub, drinking Firewhiskey. The warlock looked up with bloodshot eyes, glancing suspiciously at the two youngsters before he deemed them insignificant and poured himself another drink.

"Let's not dally," Severus hissed. He didn't trust drunkards, and he felt obliged to protect Raven if necessary. That, he owed her parents.

Raven followed him through the bar and out to the backyard of the _Leaky Cauldron_ where the gateway to Diagon Alley was.

"Dear Merlin," she gasped as she was taking in the atmosphere of fear and terror that had spread its ugly cloak over the scene in front of her. What once had been a crowded shopping street, brimming with social activities, had turned into a desert of boarded up shop windows and many abandoned shops, where no one would like to linger if not absolutely necessary. The few people still visiting Diagon Alley tried to hurry as unobtrusively as possible from one place to the next, keeping their heads low.

In this air of desolation, street hawkers were trying to make profit by selling protective charms and amulets. Severus sneered at them, keeping them at a distance with his glare.

"One would think wizards and witches perfectly capable of protecting themselves without such crap not worthy the material it's made of."

"Oh, and I almost wanted to buy you a jingling trinket against werewolves," Raven jested, but now Severus was glaring at her.

"That's not funny!" He was still having nightmares about that incident last year, though he would never admit it.

"I know," she gave his arm a reassuring squeeze as she dragged him towards Flourish and Blotts. "but sometimes it's better to make fun of things that are otherwise too tragic to handle." _Especially when coerced to hush them up by a headmaster who only had the best interest of his students in mind- if those students were Gryffindors…_

Inside the bookshop, the atmosphere was more relaxed- mainly due to the pair of hit wizards that were guarding the entrance. Raven and Severus took their time to rummage through the large bookshelves, looking for interesting lecture. But if she had hoped to find sort of a biography of Lord Voldemort, she got sorely disappointed.

Then, all of a sudden, she smirked as she recalled a scene in the Slytherin common room, including a boy flickering reverently through his collection of newspaper clippings. She resolved to have a little chat with Regulus Black when she was back at Hogwarts.

After Flourish and Blotts, Severus and Raven went to the apothecary. The many jars, vials and pots full of potion ingredients made his eyes lit up as they inspired him to create something wonderful, spectacular and new. Of course, just like the books they bought, the ingredients he was about to purchase weren't anything he specifically _needed_ for the next term... but he wanted them for private research.

The bell at the door rang to announce the arrival of another customer. It was a tall wizard with bushy eyebrows that gave him the expression of an annoyed owl. With swift strides he crossed the crammed room to place his order on the counter. The apothecary bowed at him and hurried to collect the required ingredients, when the apparently well-esteemed customer suddenly turned around to stare at Severus.

"Severus Snape?"

Severus looked up and immediately recognized Professor Tiberius O'Flaherty, head of St Mungo's potions research team. The renowned potions master flashed him a bright smile and crossed the distance between them to shake his hand.

"Well met, young man! I'm reminiscing about your outstanding result in the Potions OWL last year- say, do you still happen to be interested in a career in potions research?"

"Er," Severus was taken by surprise, "yes indeed..."

"Splendid! I just had to dismiss another imbecile the Ministry sent me as an apprentice, but I swear the bloke couldn't tell the bottom of a cauldron from the top! You however, you managed to impress me because you don't just strictly follow the instructions given by a dated textbook- you have verve and imagination to create! I could use someone like you in my team, Mr Snape. Do you already have plans for this summer?"

Could it truly be that Professor O'Flaherty, _the_ expert in international potions research, was offering him a job? _This must be a jest! _Severusthought, because things too good to be true didn't usually happen to him, and so he was surreptitiously looking around to see if perhaps Potter was lurking behind a corner, making fun of him by holding the chance of his lifetime in front of his eyes, only to take it away as soon as he grabbed for it.

Strangely, that didn't happen. O'Flaherty didn't dissolve into thin air to make room for a Potter-in-the-box laughing maliciously at his failure. The professor was real; his offer was real and it was still standing. All he had to do was to accept it.

Then he arched a quizzical brow at the potions master, recalling what he had said and knowing there just had to be a flaw. "_This_ summer?"

"I know you're not sitting your NEWTS until next year, so call it a traineeship before the actual apprenticeship starts. I don't usually take trainees but I want to see more of you, and if you prove yourself as promising as I expect, there will only be advantages for both of us."

"Wow, isn't that cool, Sev?" Raven blurted out.

O'Flaherty shot her a brief glance. "You're Nigella's little girl, aren't you? Well, give my best regards to your dear mother."

With that, Raven was dismissed. Professor O'Flaherty turned to focus on Severus again, and soon after the two wizards were indulged in a vivid discussion about the properties of lacewing flies or if it was preferable to use their eggs. They had clearly forgotten Raven, who was feeling kind of superfluous since she couldn't join in.

Although she liked potions and appreciated the subtle art of brewing, she wasn't a potions geek. But it made her happy to see how Severus' eyes were sparkling when talking to a like-minded person, and Professor O'Flaherty was decidedly enthused of his future apprentice.

All of a sudden there was a loud whistling crescendo that reminded of a nightingale, and O'Flaherty produced a watch from the breast pocket of his robes.

"Time flies when you're having fun," he sighed. "I have to go back to St Mungo's. But you," O'Flaherty pointed at Severus' chest, "you will keep that very interesting approach of yours in mind. Owl me a bottle of that concoction when you're done with it. I'll see to it that Horace offers you unlimited use to one of his private labs so you won't have to brew in a haunted bathroom."

"Thank you, sir," Severus said although he wasn't certain if it really was a good idea to bother Slughorn, since Slughorn was still holding some sort of a silent grudge against him, given that because of him, none of _his_ favourite students had received an 'O' in last year's Potions OWLs.

O'Flaherty patted his shoulder in a reassuring gesture, as though he knew what was bothering him. Before he left in a hurry, he told the apothecary to chalk all the ingredients Severus needed up to his personal account, and then he was gone.

Severus could hardly believe what had just happened, but Raven was less reserved when it came to enthusiasm. Clearly much too overjoyed, she hugged him.

"Isn't that great!" She exclaimed. "Haven't I always told you that you'd make a career in potions research one day?"

"When did you declare Divination your favourite subject without ever taking it?"

Laughing as cheerfully as if he'd just cracked the funniest joke, she elbowed him. "Come on, Sev, don't be such a Grinch! This is the big fat chance you've been waiting for and... and... " she fell silent for a moment, nibbling at her lips.

_Perhaps Lily would like just that,_ a spiteful demon was whispering inside her head.

_So be it_, she replied stubbornly. _It doesn't matter because Lily will never love him like I do._

Ignoring the demon inside her head, Raven smiled at Severus. _No matter what, I want him to be happy, _was her mantra.

_Thanks to my lovely betas, hypnotic ink and Alabaster Princess._

_Special thanks goes to Alex for some very perceptive and insightful reviews. Unfortunately, you haven't signed in because I would have loved to reply. We might beg to differ on some points although the things you've brought up do surely require a more thorough discussion than I am willing to give here, in my author's notes. Please leave an email address next time you review so I can get back to you._

_One more thing- this story is AU, meaning I won't stick to canon._

_That said, I hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter. Please review._


	20. Interstellar Soul

20- Interstellar Soul

It was January 9th, the last day of Christmas holidays and Severus' birthday. He was coming of age today. And although that thought was somehow exciting, he didn't feel any different. Actually, it was a morning like any other one since he never celebrated his birthday; he'd long given up believing it was a special day.

He didn't even look different, Severus realized after casting a fleeting glance at his reflection in the bathroom mirror- fortunately it wasn't a magical one that told him what an ugly scarecrow he was with his much too big nose, his long, gangly limbs and his lanky, always slightly greasy hair. The only thing that had changed was the dark shade of stubble on his chin; it had started spreading during the past year and now he had to shave on a daily basis.

Lost in thoughts he recalled all the other things that had happened last year, starting with Malfoy's oh-so-generous birthday present- he rolled his eyes at that. Within the course of a year he had become a man, had almost become a the victim of a werewolf but wasn't to talk about the incident. He had lost his best friend (the girl he would always love) due to one stupid slip of tongue- on the other hand, he had also found a true friend in Raven and her family treated him like one of their own. The Lestranges grounded him; they respected him the way he was without trying to change him, without ever judging him. So perhaps today wouldn't be quite as desolate as his last birthdays had been.

He hadn't expected what awaited him after walking down the staircase a little later. A shower of silvery glitter rained down on him and the Lestranges started singing _'Happy Birthday_', which sounded completely out of tune when Pinkie chimed in. The house elf's enthusiasm couldn't compensate for her obvious lack of striking the right note- house elves had unpleasant voices even when they weren't trying to sing, so perhaps they shouldn't be allowed to.

Severus looked around the room because he was a tad overwhelmed and didn't know how to react. Never before had anyone made such a fuss about his birthday. The table was set for breakfast, and there was a cake with seventeen burning candles.

"Happy birthday, my dear boy!" Nigella cried cheerfully. Knowing no restraint, she gave him a motherly hug and breathed a kiss on his forehead. "Now, unwrap your presents and then let's have breakfast."

And indeed, there were presents waiting for him at his side of the table.

Raven took over from her mother and gave him another hug, whispering her best wishes in his ear, while Chris was fortunately a little more reserved than the witches of his household; he merely patted Severus' shoulder while mumbling, "Happy birthday, son."

Pinkie squeezed his leg, shrieking, "Master Severus must blows out candles!"

"Yeah, Sev, blow out the candles and make a wish!"

The Lestranges were glancing expectantly at him so he did them the favour and blew out the candles, causing a tiny firework of colourful sparks before they were finally extinguished. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry because he felt like doing both at the same time- this was clearly his best birthday ever, even if he hadn't unwrapped a single present yet. It was the attention and appreciation he received that mattered most to him; the fact that these people really cared about him although he wasn't family. But apparently, blood didn't matter to the Lestranges.

Every one of them had a present for Severus, even Pinkie. The house elf gave him a sheet of paper with what at first glance resembled very modern art, and it took him a moment to figure out that it was supposed to be a picture of him and Raven in her room, painted by Pinkie herself. Well, if you looked closely, you could actually identify the colourful bubbles of lava lamps...

"Um... thank you Pinkie," he stammered. "That's very... _nice_..."

The little elf didn't get the slightly sarcastic undertone in his voice but squealed with delight as if Severus had just agreed to exhibit her painting in the Tate Gallery. The non-elfish Lestranges had to suppress their giggles.

Nigella presented Severus with a two-year subscription of _The Practical Potioneer,_ calling it an investment in his future since she firmly believed he'd make a great career in potions research. All of the Lestranges had been very happy for him when they heard about his run-in with Professor O'Flaherty the other day.

Raven gave him an envelope with a gift certificate for a ticket of the next T. Rex concert, which was about to take place someday in spring, and she was beaming with joy when his face didn't fell at the prospect of having to go to a Muggle glam rock gig with her.

"I don't know the exact date yet, but their new album _Dandy in the Underworld_ will be released soon and Mum has already written a letter to Professor Dumbledore, asking for permission to let us go and watch the show if it doesn't interfere with our studies, although any weekend date should be no problem and besides, you're of age and I'll be too, soon, and..."

"Darling, why don't you sit down, have a sip of tea, and let our Severus here get used to the idea?" Chris interrupted his daughter in a gently chiding voice. He understood she was nervous .because he was nervous, too.

"Severus, I know it's tradition in the wizarding world that a father presents his son with a watch when he comes of age. Well, perhaps it's presumptuous of me... er, I guess your own father doesn't know of this tradition or doesn't care about it, and I don't want to act up as your surrogate father, but- oh, just look in your pocket and tell me if you accept my gift."

Severus arched a curious brow at Chris and tentatively reached in his pocket. He gasped with surprise at not finding it empty; his fingers touched something solid. How the hell had Chris done that? That man would made a fine pickpocket, considering the quickness of his fingers.

"Trickster!" He mumbled before he pulled at a chain and produced a silver watch dangling at its end. For a moment, he almost forgot to breathe.

He had been given a watch for his seventeenth birthday!

Severus hadn't expected that, and so he was now struggling for words to express his gratitude only to realize that there were no words.

"Alright, it's not new," Chris admitted, "and it isn't magical. Given the recent political situation, I couldn't go on a shopping spree to Diagon Alley with my wife and..."

"Thank you! It's perfect." Severus said sincerely. It didn't matter if the watch was old or new or magical at all. The only thing that mattered was the gesture, because it sort of _ennobled_ him and made him feel like a proper wizard, a true member of the wizarding society, and it raised him from the hovels of Spinner's End.

Chris beamed at him and breathed a sigh of relief. "You're welcome, son."

"What's the the time?" Raven asked, sounding slightly worried that they wouldn't make it to Hogwarts before curfew. The journey on the Knight Bus seemed to take endless because of the many stops it made on its zigzag course all over wizarding Britain. At the moment, they were somewhere in the outskirts of Cardiff and therefore still far away from their destination.

Perhaps they shouldn't have dined at that Italian restaurant. But then again, the food had been delicious and Severus had enjoyed it. She glanced at him as he pulled out his watch with so much pride it made her smile. He truly appreciated her father's present.

Outside, the landscape blurred by as the Knight Bus was finally heading up north. Only a little later it came to a grinding halt.

"Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft!"

Raven and Severus disembarked the purple triple-decker, watching its lights disappear in a whirl of speed and snow while they were standing in front of Hogwarts large iron gate. Against the whiteness of a world covered in snow, the castle itself looked almost threateningly dark but at the same time it also appeared very inviting with all its light-filled windows and the golden glow they radiated.

They were walking up the way towards the large entrance door when all of the sudden they found themselves face to belly with Hagrid, the ground keeper, who was looming above them in his full half-giant size.

"Yer late!"

"Yeah, but not too late," Raven told him, "it's not curfew yet, isn't it?"

"Aye, but yeh've missed dinner an' it's not safe to be out after dark."

"Well then, isn't it good we already had dinner?"

Hagrid stared at Raven as if he couldn't imagine it possible to have dinner anywhere but at Hogwarts, and she didn't bother to tell him about the wonderful food at the Italian restaurant. He let them pass and soon they were on their way to the dungeons.

The Slytherin common room was loud and crowded this evening, and the noise level was exceptionally high because of students welcoming their friends back after the Christmas break. They were talking about their holidays and the presents they got, and sometimes it ended in a competitions on which parents had spent the most galleons for their offspring. Avery presented his new broom and the girls showed off with their new robes or jewellery.

Raven looked around this mayhem until she spotted Regulus Black, but decided that now was not the opportune moment to talk to the boy since he was surrounded by his friends who admired his new dragon hide boots. She would have to wait.

Unobtrusively, she watched him for a little longer and realized that he appeared to be a tad down when he spoke about his Christmas holidays, although he pretended that everything was perfectly fine. But it wasn't. He would never admit that he missed his brother, who had run away from home last summer, and Christmas was always a time to remember those you missed, even if it was just an obnoxious older brother. A blood-traitor, a Gryffindor- but nevertheless his brother.

It wasn't easy to corner Regulus Black alone since he was a popular boy and often surrounded by his peers, but Raven could wait for the opportune moment, firmly believing that it would come one day. Meanwhile, she was quite busy now that a new term had started. She had to keep up in her classes, the homework was not getting less, and there were also some additional subjects on her agenda. Severus and she were still meeting with Professor Steel once a week for advanced Defence against the Dark Arts training, and they were having Apparition lessons now. An instructor from the Ministry of Magic would came every Saturday for the duration of twelve weeks to teach the sixth years about the Three D's: Destination, Determination and Deliberation.

Since Apparition was by far the fastest way to get to one's desired destination, Raven was very determined to pass the test and get her licence when she was finally of age in May. But that was still a long way.

"Mr Snape, would you mind staying for a moment?" Professor Slughorn asked in an almost saccharine tone after the potions class was over, smiling brightly at the young wizard while he shooed everyone else out of the classroom.

"What did the old walrus want from you?" Raven inquired curiously a little later when they were having lunch in the Great Hall.

Severus was still quite flabbergasted."He invited me to come to one of his little social events."

She arched a surprised brow at him, knowing that her friend wasn't a particularly social person. "Oh, so he found out that O'Flaherty is interested in you. Well, what did you reply?"

"I told him I'd think about it."

He changed the topic, then, and it didn't take long before he turned his head to listen what Mulciber was saying, even though he didn't truly care about it. At Hogwarts, Severus was a different person. Here, he was the Half-Blood Prince, courting his house mates' favour with his knowledge of the Dark Arts.

Raven didn't mind. She knew he had to play along since it wouldn't further his cause if he openly opposed against the beliefs of his house, and so he kept hanging around with Mulciber and Avery. In their company he sneered at Mudbloods although deep in his heart he was still in love with Lily Evans.

It was a mad world, one of pretence and cunning. In Slytherin house, nobody was showing their true colours.

At the same time at the Gryffindor table, Lily forked a potato and gave it a violent glare. Then she glared over to the Slytherin table where her former best friend was sitting, chatting with his house mates. He seemed to be so very sophisticated. And arrogant. The Half-Blood Prince, he called himself now. Pha!

Lily had hoped he wouldn't have given up trying to save their friendship, although she wasn't certain either if she could accepted another half-hearted apology. As far as she could see, nothing had changed. He was still hanging around with those awful Slytherin guys, therefore he wasn't worthy her friendship. She knew she had done the right thing when she had severed ties with him.

He was lost to the Dark.

She averted her eyes from his scrawny form and focused on something James Potter had just said. Unlike Severus, James had grown so much more mature recently- perhaps due to his mother's illness. He didn't hex other students randomly, just for the fun of it, any longer and he was being very polite towards her. Lily gave him a sidelong glance and decided once again that he was actually quite good-looking.

"Hi Regulus," she said casually as she sat down next to him on the sofa. The Slytherin common room was almost deserted today; only a few first years were around, doing their homework, but they knew better than to mess with the older students.

Regulus looked up from his collection of newspaper clippings and stared at Raven Lestrange, bewildered that she had addressed him by his given names as though they were on first name terms, which they weren't. But he didn't rebuke her. Something about her had taken the wind out of his sails and besides, he wasn't in the mood to argue... not after his git of a brother had insulted him once again. Then, Sirius had just walked away with his prodigious Gryffindor friends and he had laughed when Regulus had insisted on defending his honour, the honour of his family, in a duel. But no, Sirius would always walk out on him, would always leave him standing there like a stupid little boy.

He was used to it. He didn't know why it hurt so much.

Of course, there had been times when Regulus had adored his big brother. All younger kids did. But then, Sirius had affronted his family; he had been Sorted into Gryffindor... and he took great pride in being a Gryffindor...

What are you reading there?" Lestrange asked, glancing over his shoulder as he tried to gather his newspaper clippings- but too late. She had already figured him out. "Oh, is that about, " she lowered her voice, "you-know-who?"

"That's none of your business!" Regulus snapped. Why would _she_ care?

Regulus Black was a comely boy, not as casually handsome as his older brother but fortunately not as mischievous either. He was the good son, a good student, the star of the Slytherin Quidditch team, and very popular in his house. His interest in the Dark Arts was something he had probably imbibed from his infancy, just as well as his adoration for the Dark Lord.

And now that Sirius had run away from home to live with the Potters (for which he had been blasted off the Black family tree), Regulus was the only son, and he wanted to make his parents proud.

"He's a very fascinating wizard, isn't he?"

"Yes, that he is indeed," Regulus whispered almost reverently, before he suddenly glanced at Lestrange with suspicion in his bright grey eyes. "I didn't know _you_ were interested."

"Why, of course I am," Raven lied slyly. "Everyone in Slytherin is."

"True, but you are not like everyone. You... you are... _different_. You are wearing Muggle clothes."

"Don't they look good on me?" She cocked a flirtatious brow at him and knew immediately that she had got him with that.

Regulus blushed.

Oh, boys were so very predictable! Their main interest was to get laid (well, probably everyone but Severus) and Regulus was no exception from that rule. It didn't matter if she was of pure blood or not, as long as there were... tits. And Raven knew she filled out her Muggle shirt quite nicely.

She wondered briefly if _Uncle Lucy_ had already taken him to a place where he could wield his wand and stand his man- not that she was interested in Regulus Black. But she was aware of the influence a well-formed leg, the soft swell of breasts or revealing a tad of skin could have on a young man- no matter if wizard or Muggle. When it came to lust, they were all the same... she had realized that the day she had _convinced_ Mulciber and Avery to pay Severus for the essays he was doing for them. It had given her a wicked sense of power, knowing she could wind them around her little finger by spurring their sexual fantasies that she wouldn't fulfil.

Yes, it was a tricky and probably even dangerous game she was playing here. Raven was aware of that and yet it was a thrill she enjoyed.

_Don't push it too far_, she told herself given that not all of her house mates were decent boys like Regulus. Mulciber was indeed a creepy fellow, especially when it came to girls, and she had sensed an uncanny willingness about him that indicated he wouldn't hesitate to take whatever he wanted...

"It's not appropriate for a witch to wear Muggle clothes," Regulus said finally.

"Oh, but that wasn't the question."

He eyed her from head to toe, almost shyly, and had to admit silently that Muggle clothes did have certain advantages- they revealed more of a witch's feminine side than traditional robes.

Raven batted her eyes at him, smiling ever so sweetly. "Now, tell me more about him, the Dark Lord."

Regulus caved in. Since he admired the Dark Lord he soon got carried away, repeating his propaganda like a well-trained parrot... Muggles or Muggleborns were inferior to pure-blooded wizards; Mudbloods shouldn't be allowed at Hogwarts and what a shame it was that this school was run by a champion of commoners, meaning Dumbledore; and the world would be a much better place without Muggles... bla, bla, bla.

Raven had heard all that many times before; it was the typical ideology of Slytherin house. Nevertheless, she doubted that Regulus actually believed in what he was saying, for it sounded somewhat rehearsed- like something he had learned by heart and was now reciting it, perhaps using exactly the same words as his parents. Oh, he so wanted to be the good son, but she wondered if he was really cold-hearted enough to torture and kill Muggles. She didn't think so, and yet, that was what he would have to do to rid the world of Muggles and Muggleborns. Did he even grasp the consequences of his fervent little speech?

"That's all so very fascinating," she cut him off, wincing inwardly while outwardly faking a smile. It was downright idiotic to believe in a society that consisted of only a handful pure-blood families. The result would be excessive inbreeding and therefore an increase of insanity. "But what do you know about the Dark Lord himself?"

"Well, he's the heir of Slytherin-"

"Wow," Raven sighed amazed although that fact wasn't new to her; Severus had mentioned it before. But what hadn't dawned upon her then became quite obvious to her now- the heir of Salazar Slytherin would have never attended any other school but Hogwarts , given that he was the heir of one of its founders. And therefore there had to be records of him. "So he did attend Hogwarts?"

"Indeed. Rodolphus' and Rabastan's father, your- um, _uncle_?-"

"Oh no, we're not that closely related. You know, Radcliffe Lestrange is the great-great-great-grand nephew thrice removed of Hieronymus Lestrange, who left wizarding Britain in 1812 to take a Grand Tour of the world," she lied rather shamelessly.

Regulus shot her a suspicious glance. "I didn't know you were indeed related. After all, I never saw you at any family meeting and the Lestranges are very close to the Blacks since my cousin Bellatrix married Rodolphus."

"Er... my parents aren't very… _social _people, if you know what I mean. Always keeping to themselves. Blame it on my great-great-great-grandfather for living on a lonely island of Papua New Guinea for almost half a century before he finally married a local witch of the purest blood- anyway, you wanted to tell me something about Radcliffe Lestrange and the Dark Lord?"

"They were in the same year- you are a pure-blood?"

"My father's blood is pure," _purely Muggle_, she added in thoughts, "and so is my mother's." Well, at least that part was absolutely true; her mother, Nigella Lestrange, was a pure-blood witch- although she was probably considered a blood traitor for marrying a Muggle. Never mind. Raven was thrilled

to finally have found out something of significance. Radcliffe Lestrange, father of Rodolphus and Rabastan, her not-cousins, had attended Hogwarts at the same time as Lord V, and that gave her a timeline All she had to do now was to follow the family tree of Salazar Slytherin (since Voldemort was his heir) and bring it in accordance with _Uncle_ Radcliffe and his stint at Hogwarts. She would have to check genealogy records as well as yearbooks, in order to find out more about the dark wizard. Knowledge was power, especially when a person was so feared that people dared not speak his name but called him 'You-know-who', or 'He Who Must Not Be Named' instead.

Regulus frowned at her; he had an inkling that she was lying about her blood status- but that didn't matter at the moment because he was just a teenage wizard who enjoyed the attention of a pretty young witch.

Raven spent some more time talking to Regulus Black, knowing it would appear suspicious if she merely questioned him about Lord Voldemort and then left. Also, the way he looked at her boosted her ruffled ego, and she wished that Severus would pay her the same attention, that he would finally realize she was a girl who yearned for his love. Alright, to begin with it would be enough if he took notice of her female attributes, just like Regulus did.

He was a strange boy. She had always thought he was a pampered little pure-blood prince, given the fuss that had been made about him ever since the day he had been Sorted into Slytherin, and indeed, he was a tad haughty. Well, nearly everyone in Slytherin house was. Haughtiness was probably a hereditary trait of pure-bloods, especially if they were almost wizarding royalty like the Blacks- Raven recalled the way Narcissa Black had pranced these quarters as if she were the Queen of Slytherin and the common room was her throne room.

Regulus, however, was _different_. Yes, he believed in the same stupid ideology and probably he wouldn't even talk to her if he knew her true blood status, and yet there was more to it than meets the eye. After all, he had stepped out of the shadows of his older brother and had joined her in her fight against the Marauders on Severus' behalf. She hadn't thought much about it, then, but fact was that that wasn't exactly the most typically Slytherin way of acting since Slytherins were not known for sticking together or going through thick and thin for a fellow house mate. Of course, you could call his intervention an odd case of sibling rivalry, but Raven was certain that things weren't that simple when it came to Regulus Black. Although he talked, acted, thought and believed just like a typical Slytherin and prodigious son, he wasn't as _shallow_ as his fellow house-mates were. There was more depth in his personality than he was willing to show, more layers of himself that he didn't unveil...

Severus was not pleased with her at all when she met him atop the Astronomy Tower later that night; she often went there to smoke her Muggle cigarettes since she could hardly do that in the Slytherin common room.

"What the hell have you done, you stupid, idiotic girl!" He hissed, not even trying to conceal his anger.

Raven had just lit a cigarette and was happily exhaling rings of smoke, but now she coughed upon his harsh tone. "My, what's bugging you?"

"I'm speaking about you so foolishly sucking up to Black..."

She wished it was jealousy, but of course it wasn't.

"...and telling him about your alleged pure-blood status. What if he finds out you're lying?"

"He won't."

Severus didn't listen. "May I remind you that you are not particularly popular in Slytherin house? They only tolerate your quirks because they think you're a weird little swot."

"Charming, Sev. Is that what you think of me, too?"

"That's not the point, Lestrange. True, your behaviour makes it hard for me to justify why I'm even spending time with you, but at least I could tell them you're a decent study partner- in spite of your Muggle clothes and the Muggle magazines you're reading. You're a walking offence to every true Slytherin and now you possessed the nerve to mock Black with your apparent interest in the Dark Lord. Did you ever consider the possibility that your latest folly might make it even more difficult for me to fake allegiance? Do you care at all about my reputation?"

"You bloody git! Don't you get it that all I fucking ever do is for you? I was trying to find out who the Dark Lord is, his real name, because if I remember correctly it is significant in magic to get to the heart of the matter, and especially when dealing with the Dark Arts."

Severus was silent for only a moment. When he continued, his voice sounded a bit softer although he was still upset. "I appreciate your effort but it was nevertheless utterly foolish! Don't you grasp the consequences? Black will tell the Dark Lord of your interest in him..."

"He won't," Raven repeated.

"… and believe me, it's not wise to draw the Dark Lord's attention, nor to incur the wrath of him-what do you mean, he won't? Did you Confund Black?"

"Yeah, sort of. You might not have noticed yet, but I'm a witch. Let's say my... female attributes Confunded him, and guess what, I have at least two arguments why people might not think it weird you spend time with me."

Finally, it dawned upon him. His eyes dropped from her face to her chest and then quickly upwards again. "But I... I wouldn't... I would never reduce you to just your body." Severus blushed, recalling at least one incident when his treacherous body had reacted to hers in a way that wasn't appropriate between friends. He didn't like the course this conversation was taking, and he felt very uncomfortable about it. Even trying to get back to the original topic was kind of awkward. "So you've been flirting with Black?"

The way he said it almost sounded as if she was prostituting herself, as if he thought a little flirt was indecent behaviour.

"Well, he liked it. I'm not interested in him, but there are times when a girl needs a little flattering and recognition."

"You shouldn't... I won't let you-"

"Let me what?"

He flinched as though she had struck him. Her words reminded him of Lily's, shortly before their final break-up, and he didn't want to lose Raven like he had lost her. His voice softened even more.

"Listen, it's... _dangerous_. There are wizards who may want to take advantage of you."

"Yes," she sighed, wishing he would. She wanted to slap him and snog him senseless although she didn't know in which order. Heaving another sigh, she glanced at him."Sev, it's definitely very sweet you're worrying about me, but let me assure you that that's not necessary. I can take care of myself quite well, and I wouldn't let Black- or anyone else for that matter- ravish me, only to get information."

"Good, then stop playing these stupid games."

Raven rolled her eyes. "Dear Mr Chastity, my _stupid game_ proved to be quite effective today since I happened to find out that Lord V isn't only the heir of Slytherin, but was also in the same year at Hogwarts as my not-uncle Radcliffe Lestrange, and now please stop being so damned prudish! We're not living in Victorian times anymore, when the role of women was to close their eyes and think of England. It's 1977! Thanks to women's liberation, girls are allowed to have some fun nowadays and there isn't anything I lament being rid of."

If possible, Severus blushed even more, wishing she wouldn't be so blunt since he really didn't want to hear anything about her sexual experiences. And yet, there was a little demon in his head that kept pestering him with inappropriate curiosity... he told it to shut up.

"What does your father say about your way of thinking?" _Had he already failed Chris?_ Severus recalled their last farewell, the almost fatherly hug he had been given and the words Chris had whispered to him, then. _Please, keep an eye on my girl, son. _It had sounded like an easy task- well, until today.

"Dad would be very proud of you if you survived your meeting with the Dark Lord without getting an ugly tattoo on your left arm, so I wouldn't mind if we could focus on that now. After all, Valentine's Day isn't far away. "

"I'm aware of that fact."

"Great! Then stop mollycoddling me, since I'm neither your little sister nor do you have to protect me. We're friends, Sev, and your friendship means a lot to me- even if you're such an obnoxious git sometimes," She raised on her tiptoes to give him a peck on both of his cheeks, smiling. "Anyway, let's act as equals in this, okay?"

It was surprising how easily she could take the wind out of his sails.


	21. My Bloody Valentine

thanks to Alabaster Princess for doing such a great beta work. All remaining mistakes are mine.  


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21- My Bloody Valentine

Raven had thought it much easier to find out more about the true nature of Lord Voldemort. Although she had good clues to begin with. she didn't get anywhere in her research. She followed the family tree of Salazar Slytherin down to his last recorded descendant, a certain Marvolo Gaunt and his two children, Morfin and Merope. According to the records, the Gaunts were an ancient pure-blood family of once great importance and riches, but by the time of Marvolo Gaunt they were impoverished, living in shabby conditions and best known for instability. Their violent behaviour that came as a result of constant inbreeding, had landed both father and son in Azkaban. Marvolo died there. Actually, all of them were dead already and neither Morfin nor Merope seemed to have ever married or had children.

Raven had reached a dead end.

Next she checked the yearbooks of the time when Radcliffe Lestrange attended Hogwarts. She focussed mainly on the Slytherins, and of course she found no Gaunt, but while leafing through the pages she came upon an old picture of her mother, looking pretty in her Hufflepuff robes. It gave her a pang, knowing that soon there would be an ocean between her and her parents.

Heaving a sigh, she turned the page and recognized three more witches that were in Nigella Marigold's year- a Ravenclaw, a Slytherin and a Gryffindor. The Slytherin was, of course, Eileen Prince, Severus' mother, who apparently had been born with a sullen face. Raven wasn't really surprised about that.

It came as a surprise, though, to see a younger version of her Transfiguration professor, Minerva McGonagall, depicting her as a student. Her expression was sterner now but she was definitely recognisable.

And last, there was the Ravenclaw girl, still looking as young as she did in that old picture. She still had lank hair, pimples and was wearing thick glasses; she had merely become... translucent. That's what being a ghost did to one's appearance. It was Moaning Myrtle, although she did have a surname in those days. Myrtle Henderson died in 1943.

Perhaps Myrtle could tell Raven who the heir of Slytherin was?

Alas, when Raven visited her in the bathroom on the second floor, the site of her death, Myrtle started wailing and couldn't be stopped, flooding the room with tears and water. So until Myrtle would get a grip on herself- unlikely any time soon- that was another death end.

"Ghosts!" Raven grumbled as she left the bathroom.

"Tut-tut," whispered a voice above her and she looked up to see the Bloody Baron floating in mid-air over her head..

"So what? It's true." Although she usually got on very well with ghosts in general and especially with the Bloody Baron, probably the scariest ghost at Hogwarts, she was slightly annoyed about their antics now. Ghosts were so easy to offend and she'd had it! "All you ever do is delve in your own misery, not really caring about the humans you could actually help with all the knowledge you have gathered while not being alive anymore. It's not fair!"

"Life's not fair, little girl."

"I know, but please don't expect me to be less pissed about it. You were there when the heir of Slytherin walked the corridors of this school. All I need is a name!"

"If you want to know more about the heir of Slytherin, ask him," the Bloody Baron replied cryptically before he dissolved into thin air.

"Wait!" Raven shouted to no avail, since ghosts simply didn't _listen_ to mortals. If they wanted to disappear, they did. "Ask who?"

"Salazar."

Great! Really great. Salazar Slytherin died many centuries ago and there was only one portrait of him, which hung in the Slytherin common room. She had never hear him speak to any of his little snakes.

Later that day she glanced at his portrait. He looked like a powerful aged monkey with a long grey beard... why she suddenly had to think of an aged King Louie from the Jungle Book, Raven didn't know. She definitely couldn't imagine this stern, gaunt wizard singing 'I wanna be like you'. The idea was so ridiculous she had to chuckle.

Severus shot her an odd look. Lately, she often caught him staring at her when he thought she didn't notice as if he wanted to ask something but didn't know how to start. Raven figured he was still mulling over the confession she made that night at the Astronomy tower.

She wasn't a virgin anymore. So what? It was none of his business since he wasn't interested in her, therefore it was her good right to have sex with someone else. She had never seen sense in sparing herself for the day he'd finally get over bloody St Evans and deigned to recognise her as possible love interest. Life was much too short and virginity was mightily overrated.

He really shouldn't be speculating about her sexual experience; his curiosity was uncalled for. But then again, he'd always been kind of possessive. It was nagging him that there was a part of her life he was not privy to and although he was hiding it well, she knew that it bothered him.

"Alright, what do you want to know?" Raven asked, catching him unawares.

He pretended to be clueless what she was about, so she decided to fill him in.

"It was last summer, it was in Spain, and it was with Miguel, my holiday flirt. And yes, I liked it."

Severus blushed, and when he blushed he looked absolutely cute- but she reckoned he wouldn't want to hear that. "There's no need to go into details."

"I wasn't planning to anyway."

They were silent for a while until he finally asked, "Do you love him?"

Why did he sound so desperate? He didn't love her- or, to be more precise, he probably loved her as a friend. But that wasn't enough. It was never enough. And yet, perhaps he feared to lose her friendship if she fell in love with someone, as if that someone would take her away from him. Which would never happen.

"Merlin, no. We like each other fairly well, and we've been attracted to each other for a couple of years now, but in the end Miguel is merely a holiday flirt to me, just like I am to him. He's the son of a Spanish fisherman, a Muggle, and he will marry a Muggle girl from his village..." With a shrug she changed the topic. "Now, did you find out anything about the heir of Slytherin? The ghosts haven't been very cooperative in that matter."

Valentine's Day was approaching. While all of her peers were excited about the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year and had nothing else in mind but to find the perfect date, Raven was dreading that day. She'd never had a real date before and she wouldn't have one this year either; instead of flirting with nice boys like all the other girls did, she busied herself in the library, trying to find out more about the Dark Lord.

Well, there wasn't any nice boy she was interested in, anyway- except for Severus, of course, who wasn't exactly _nice_ either. Sometimes he was a downright prat, but that didn't matter now.

Severus would have to meet the Lord Voldemort on Valentine's Day.

All those little cupids and pink hearts the castle was decorated with seemed so absurd to her when her best friend's future was on the stake, and she was still not any wiser about the Dark Lord. Who was he? It was so very frustrating- there were times she thought she was close to finding an answer, that it was almost in front of her... and then again it was not. The threads were slipping through her fingers without her being capable of getting hold of them, and in the end she was just as clueless as before.

If only she'd have more time! But Valentine's Day was already the day after tomorrow and she still had to finish an essay for Professor Steel about the Undead, comparing the nature of ghouls, zombies and Inferi. Raven had to focus on that first. Although the American Auror was giving Severus and her private training sessions in Defence, that didn't mean she would tolerate any sloppiness. If possible, Steel was even stricter with her favourite students just because she was granting them a privilege.

Usually, Raven appreciated that attitude. She liked Professor Steel simply because she was probably the only teacher who didn't judge her students by the houses they were in, and she didn't hand out good grades at random.

There were times she even considered to confide all the things that were going on in her mind, all her worries about Severus, to Alice Steel. Was she really doing the right thing by keeping it all to herself? Sometimes the burden seemed to be too heavy for her to carry alone...

But then, sitting in the library once again, Raven sort of stumbled across an article in an old copy of the Daily Prophet, dated June 1943. The date piked her interest because that was approximately the time when Moaning Myrtle died, and indeed her name was briefly mentioned.

As it transpired, there had been a series of inexplicable _accidents_ at Hogwarts, in which a couple of students- all Muggleborns- got injured and a girl by the name of Myrtle Henderson was killed. Former Headmaster Armando Dippet had been about to close the school for an indefinite time, but only a little later, the person responsible for those horrible deeds against Muggleborns was exposed- it was Rubeus Hagrid.

Hagrid of all people!

Apparently he had released a murderous monster from the bowels of Hogwarts that attacked Muggleborn, because he was the Heir of Slytherin.

It was absurd.

True, Hagrid was known to have an almost unhealthy fascination with dangerous beasties, but that didn't make him the Heir of Slytherin- as if any descendant of ape-faced and elitist Salazar would sink as low as to bed a giant! Even if that giant was a very pure-blooded giant...

It seemed, however, that logic didn't matter much when the wizarding world- or the board of governors, to be more precise- was keen to present a delinquent, and with Hagrid they had found the perfect culprit. As a half-breed he'd had no back-up in wizarding society; his father was dead and his mother, a giantess, had left shortly after his birth... besides, a giantess wouldn't ever be allowed to testify on her offspring's behalf in front of the Wizengamot. And so Hagrid was expelled from Hogwarts and his wand was broken; only thanks to Dumbledore's greatness of heart had he been allowed to live in a hut at the edge of the Forbidden Forest and become the gamekeeper of Hogwarts.

Once again, Raven realized how little most people were using their brains, and that was mightily annoying. She rolled her eyes at so much idiocy, wondering if anyone had ever spared a thought on the fact that Hagrid was a typical Gryffindor; a half-breed that possessed no Slytherin traits whatsoever. Also, he didn't bear a grudge against Muggleborns

Since that incident spurred her curiosity, Raven decided to dig a little deeper and remembered to ask Myrtle about it; after all, she was the victim and still there to be interrogated- if only she would stop flooding her favourite haunting place with self pity...

In the course of even more research, Raven came across the name Tom Riddle for the first time. Back in 1943, he was a fifth year Slytherin prefect; a tall, handsome boy with jet black hair and dark eyes... and he was also the one who'd caught Hagrid in the act.

_Or framed him. _

The school wasn't closed. No one else was injured or killed, and soon the whole fuss about a monster attacking Muggleborn students seemed to dissolve into thin air. Tom Riddle received an award for _Special Services to Hogwarts. _It was still on display in the trophy room, a golden shield carrying his name.

_And that's it?_ Raven wondered. No further investigation, no clue about what kind of beastie had terrorized the school? Myrtle was just an unfortunate casualty? Oh, that all sounded so very fishy. Although she wasn't overly fond of Hagrid, she nevertheless believed he had been framed. But why would Tom Riddle do such a thing? There was only one logical argument and that was to cover his own tracks in order to avert suspicion. It made perfect sense to Raven, even if she didn't have any evidence yet; she would have to question Myrtle about every little detail of her death to be certain that both, her research and her intuition, were heading in the right direction.

The night had brought some snow, but Valentine's Day dawned bright and sunny, and the Great Hall was decorated with pink hearts and little golden cupid that Lily thought very cute. She was in a mood as bright as the enchanted ceiling that mirrored the clear blue sky outside, even though she didn't have a date today, unlike all the previous years.

And while the hall was buzzing with teenagers hoping to arrange a last minute date, she briefly wondered if it had really been a wise idea to reject charming James Potter's polite request to take her out to Hogsmeade. Or should she have accepted? Of course, it wasn't the first time he'd asked her to go out with him- he'd done that persistently in the past years, on countless occasions, and he had been so obstinate in his wooing that the sheer sight of him had nearly pestered her... but things were different now. _He_ was different.

James had become so much more mature recently, and his behaviour towards her, the way he treated her, had changed too. His manners were almost impeccable when he was talking to her, and his interest in her had taken on a more earnest touch; he wasn't that loutish and loud-mouthed anymore, which she liked quite well. Also, he was an attractive young wizard.

Probably that was why she had turned him down for the umpteenth time, pretending she had to revise. Lily always took her studies at Hogwarts very serious. And then James had surprised her by asking her if she'd mind him to join her. So, although she didn't have a real date for Valentine's Day, she would spend her day with James Potter. In the library. Under Madam Pince's stern glance. There, it would be easier to resist his charming, sometimes a little rogueish, smile that always seemed to make her heart beat a bit faster.

Since Raven never had a date for Valentine's Day, she didn't mind that this year it wouldn't be any different. she didn't have one either. It amused her though, that Regulus had possessed the nerve to actually ask her out. What a bold, cheeky little boy! And for a young witch being almost of age, anyone younger than her was considered like an infant; it was probably the way all teenagers ticked.

Besides, she did have sort of a rendezvous. With Myrtle. Only that her ghostly friend didn't know about that yet. But Raven was determined to find out all the little details about Moaning Myrtle's death today, whether the ghost deigned to cooperate or not.

Severus had a date with Lord Voldemort today and he dreaded it just as much as Raven feared for him.

She kept telling herself that the Dark Lord would neither kill, maim, torture or brand her friend, given that he was still a Hogwarts student and therefore under Dumbledore's protection. And Dumbledore was allegedly the only wizard Lord Voldemort ever feared.

If she were a Gryffindor, Raven would have relied on his protection. Alas, being a Slytherin she had little faith in the Headmaster; he'd let them down too often. And she still hadn't forgiven him his reaction after that werewolf incident last year.

"Do I look decent?" Severus asked, distracting her thoughts.

They were in the Slytherin common room and he was dressed in his best wizarding robes, which had been a present from Lucius Malfoy.

Raven scrutinized him from head to toe. Yes, he looked every inch the respectable wizard he aimed to be or become one day; Malfoy would be proud of him. Even if his hair left a lot to be desired, still looking kind of _greasy_ somehow.

_He must be using the wrong shampoo_, she wondered and almost laughed hysterically about her absurd train of thoughts, because in contemplation to the possibility of a slow and painful death, his hair should be the very last thing to worry about.

"Well," she said, feigning a confident smile, "I like you better in Muggle clothes- but then again you don't want to impress the Dark Lord with your delicious rock-star-legs, do ya?" Not waiting for an answer, Raven kissed his cheeks. "Anyway, good luck, Sev."

He could use it, both of them knew that.

"Thank you," he said stiffly, enduring her bear hug with stoicism before, on the spur of the moment, he gingerly breathed a peck on her forehead. He didn't know why he'd done that but somehow it felt like the right thing to do. "Don't worry about me, Lestrange. Everything will be alright."

And then he buried this incident in an imaginary box that he stored away in the backmost corner of his mind, next to a stack of more imaginary boxes labelled _Lily_. He wouldn't need these memories today.

"It took hours and hours and hours and endless hours until they finally found my body;" Myrtle wailed and was about to dive into the U-bent of her favourite toilet once again, but Raven was at the end of her tether.

"Stop that! Stay here, goddammit!"

"You don't care about me," Myrtle sniffed, her face streaked with silver tears as she risked a peek over the rim of the toilet bowl. "No one cares about poor Myrtle."

"True, 'cause you're pathetic, hiding in a toilet, moping all the time. My, get a grip on yourself, girl! You're a ghost now! And ghosts are cool, so stop wasting away your undead life by wallowing in self pity. Tell me about your death."

Myrtle emerged from the depth of the toilet bowl and sat down at the seat, swinging her ghostly legs in a very girlish way. "Well... I was hiding in this toilet because Olive was so mean to me, always teasing me about my glasses and my pimples and... and," she started hiccuping, "and then I heard this boy and that wasn't right because he was a boy in the girl's bathroom and I wanted to chide him for being there..." her hiccup turned into sobs "so I opened the door and then I was dead. Dead!"

"I'm certain that must have been quite a traumatic experience, but usually you don't die from opening the door of a toilet stall. So what happened?"

"I cried very hard when I realized I was dead."

"Yes, yes," Raven rolled her eyes, "but what killed you?"

"I don't know because I was dead."

"But you're a ghost! You left your dead body behind and rose up in the air- you must have seen who or what killed you."

"It was so horrible." Myrtle whined.

"What was so horrible?"

"The monster."

"Okay, so there was a monster that killed you?"

"Of course, that's what I'm trying to tell you all the time but you _never_ listen."

"I'm listening, dear Myrtle. Now, what kind of monster was it you saw?"

"I don't know. It was big and it had enormous eyes and scales..."

"Scales?" Now, that was interesting. The monster that Hagrid had hatched had been described as an arachnid, and arachnids didn't have scales... not even in the wizarding world. Also, arachnids weren't known for petrifying students but exactly that had happened to the unfortunate Muggleborns in 1943. A giant serpent, however, and more specifically the king of serpents, the Basilisk, could even kill with one single gaze. That must have happened to Myrtle. _It had enormous eyes... _

But what about the boy Myrtle had heard? If indeed a Basilisk had been on the loose in the bathroom, the boy must have become its victim, too- unless... _was it possible that the Heir of Slytherin could control a Basilisk?_ After all, snakes were the legitimate pets of Slytherins.

"Tell me about the boy, dear Myrtle." Raven asked in the sweetest, most charming voice she could muster. "What did he look like?"

"He was... pretty. Dark hair, dark eyes, very handsome..."

"So it was definitely not Hagrid," Raven concluded.

"Don't you ever _listen_ to me? I said, he was _pretty_. Hagrid isn't pretty; he's hairy."

"True."

_Dark hair, dark eyes, very handsome... _the first picture that popped up in Raven's mind's eye was that of Tom Riddle. Was he the Heir of Slytherin and therefore Lord Voldemort? But there was no Riddle mentioned in Salazar Slytherin's family tree; it ended with the Gaunt family.

She knew she was close to solving that mystery although there were still some parts of the puzzle missing.

Myrtle started wailing when her friend left the bathroom, too lost in thoughts to bother saying goodbye.

Lucius Malfoy was pleased with his young protégé. Despite his poor upbringing, the Snape boy did not eat like a pig but behaved decently during lunch. Lucius was proud of what he had accomplished last summer, when he had introduced the boy to the fine manners of pure-blood society. Snape was polite enough to not embarrass the other guests, which were mostly family. All of the Lestranges, his in-laws and fellow members of the fraternity, were there.

Narcissa was the perfect host; she had taken over that honour after Lucius' mother died the previous autumn. Of course, father would always find something to complain, but that only showed he still had not come to terms with the death of his wife. And didn't he look a little ailing recently? Lucius was watching him with keen grey eyes. He was the heir and he was more than ready to accept his inheritance.

The Dark Lord, however, was not dining with them, although he was the guest of honour. He would arrive at Malfoy Manor whenever he deigned to. The Dark Lord never dined in company of his followers and sometimes Lucius wondered if he ever ate at all. Perhaps a wizard as powerful as Lord Voldemort didn't need anything as mundane as food.

Severus was kind of nervous all throughout lunch, that's why he merely picked politely at his food even if it was probably superb- or at least very expensive. Nevertheless, it tasted like ash in his mouth and for the fraction of a second he wished to have lunch with the other Lestranges instead, because that was decidedly a merrier affair.

But he wasn't here in order to _enjoy_ himself; he was here to meet the Dark Lord. A meeting, that might probably set the course for his future life.

Only a couple of weeks- or months- ago, he had been definite that such an opportunity would be his big, fat chance in life. He would have made sure the Dark Lord recognized his talents and welcomed him with open arms into his fraternity of pure-blood supremacists, even if he was just a lowly half-blood.

Now, he didn't really know what it was he wanted. Yes, he still wanted to rise from the dunghill of Spinner's End and become a mighty wizard. Someone, who was respected. Someone, Lily could love. He just wasn't certain anymore if joining Voldemort was the right way, thanks to a nagging voice in his head that sounded just like Raven Lestrange.

She believed he could do better than that, that he didn't need these blood supremacists. She had... faith in him.

Severus didn't know if he deserved that when he came face to face with the Dark Lord. He had dreaded that moment just as much as he had anticipated it.

Like back then at Lucius Malfoy's wedding, his first impression of the Dark Lord was that he radiated power; a dark, wonderful and horrible but nevertheless mesmerizing power that made Headmaster Dumbledore– allegedly the greatest wizard of modern times- appear like a barmy old codger in comparison.

Instinctively, Severus bowed deeply. His hands were sweaty and he hoped the Dark Lord would not hear the loud beating of his heart.

"Severus," the Dark Lord greeted him in a voice that was cold and almost friendly all the same; it sounded a bit like the hissing of a snake, "Lucius told me that you are quite a promising young man."

"My Lord, you honour me with too much premature praise," Severus replied politely, still averting his eyes.

"Do I?" Voldemort said with a mocking smirk that contorted his features in a not very beneficial way; his face looked like a grotesque mask. "Did Lucius lie to me when he said you knew more curses than a seventh year even before you came to Hogwarts?"

Severus shot a brief glance at Lucius who looked as though he wanted to kick him if he didn't come up with a satisfying answer.

"I... I happen to know a few curses, my Lord, but my knowledge pales in comparison to your power."

"Naturally." The Dark Lord seemed to be satisfied with that answer since it flattered him. "I appreciate your humble devotion, Severus. Let me look at you."

He stretched out a long-limbed, thin and pale finger to lift up Severus' chin. Now, Severus had to look at him; he couldn't avert his eyes any longer. The Dark Lord's finger felt cold against his skin, icy-cold, and he had to resist the impulse to shudder. Instead, he glanced at Voldemort with as much calm as he could muster, pretending he had nothing to hide. Would his Occlumency skills be strong enough to not arouse suspicion?

The Dark Lord's eyes were like cold pools of blackness rimmed in blood, and once again they didn't look at Severus but seemed to delve straight into his mind. Severus let him. Instead of slamming down his mental shutters completely, like anyone else would have done, he let the Dark Lord see his innermost thoughts- or what he had prepared for him. Memories of his Muggle father shouting at him, beating him. Memories of Potter, bullying him. His burning desire to get back at him. Flashbacks of everyday life at Hogwarts... but what mattered most to him, his love for Lily or his feelings for Raven and her family, he had hidden in boxes that were securely stored in a back room of his mind.

Voldemort never noticed the door with the '_no access_' sign. He was pleased with what he saw- the young wizard's adoration, his yearning for recognition, for a better life.

What he was looking for in vain, though, was a trait that distinguished his most eager followers from merely nominal members of the fraternity- the fierce determination to stop at nothing for the cause, the willingness to torture, maim or kill if necessary. Severus Snape lacked that trait.

"Tell me, Severus, have you ever cast an Unforgivable?"

"No, my Lord. It would be dreadfully unwise to cast an Unforgivable Curse at a school ruled by Headmaster Dumbledore, wouldn't it?"

The Dark Lord smirked again, which was a truly terrifying thing to behold. Nevertheless, Severus was glad he had managed quite well so far since he wasn't dead yet.

"Dumbledore, the champion of commoners, of Mudbloods and Muggles!" Voldemort spat with undisguised loathing in his voice. But despite his gruesome features and the coldness of his voice, he nevertheless had the charisma of a Pied Piper that lured almost everyone into following him. "Don't you hate Dumbledore for constantly oppressing us Slytherins?"

"Yes, my Lord." Thinking about the werewolf incident last year and how the Headmaster had managed to hush things, that wasn't even a lie.

"Wouldn't you want to live in a better world, a world without Muggles or Mudbloods?"

"Yes, of course, my Lord, but-"

"But?" The Dark Lord hissed sharply, frowning at his new recruit. "Are you not aware of what I'm offering you?"

It almost sounded like a threat. Now, Severus had to be as honest as possible, tactically skilled and careful to give a diplomatic answer. "I am, my Lord. I truly am, and I feel flattered. But I'm not worthy your attention now, my Lord. I mean, I'm just a lowly half-blood and a school boy- I'm of no use for you. I have nothing to offer. In a couple of years, however, after I have gained my mastery in potions, I will be much more suited to aid your cause properly."

"A potioneer, and such a modest one." Voldemort sneered, then he glanced at Malfoy. "Did you hear his words, Lucius? Unlike others present, he doesn't ask for fortune and fame. Instead, he worries what he has to offer in order to please me. You could learn a lesson from your little protégé."

Malfoy looked murderous.

"You may leave now, Severus," the Dark Lord continued. Although the young half-blood was probably quite deft in the Dark Arts and therefore a worthy recruit, his true talents seemed to be of a more academic nature."Go and dabble with your potions until your time has come. In the meantime, I will keep an eye on the progress you make."

"My Lord, you are too kind."

"Yes, indeed," Voldemort chuckled maliciously, "bear that in mind, because one day, I will expect a favour from you."

"Anything, my Lord." Severus bit his tongue but the words had already slipped his lips. _Damned! _He hoped he hadn't just sold his soul to the devil. In Lord Voldemort's presence, it was so very easy to forget all he had learned about tyrants and dictators, and so very hard to be not impressed by the tantalizing power he radiated.

Raven was back in the library, hidden behind a stack of books she perused for hints about any possible connection between the Gaunt family and Tom Riddle. In the _Almanac of Wizarding Genealogy_, no family by the name of Riddle was listed.

Was that another dead end? On the other hand, could it really be just a coincidence that Tom's second name was Marvolo, like the father of Morfin and Merope Gaunt?

Deeply absorbed in her investigation, Raven almost didn't notice that Lily was also in the library when all of a sudden she heard her laughter. Turning around, she saw her giggling about whatever Potter had just said. Lily Evans was flirting with James bloody Potter of all people! Had she forgotten that he was an arrogant toerag? Did she really not care she was flirting with the very same bully that had constantly tormented her former best friend ?

It made Raven sick.

So much about Lily's friendship- it didn't mean anything.

Madam Pince cried for silence and Raven focussed her attention on the scions of Slytherin again. Back to the Gaunts. If Tom Riddle was the Heir of Slytherin, then one of them must have fathered an illegitimate offspring. Her best bet was on Morfin. Probably he had begotten a child with a witch too unimportant to be mentioned in the _Almanac of Wizarding Genealogy_... but when she checked Morfin's vita in comparison with Tom Riddle's birthday, she had to realize that that wasn't possible since Morfin was at Azkaban at the time Tom was sired.

Frustrated, she ran her fingers through her hair before she began to look for background information as to why Morfin had been sentenced to three years in Azkaban. Flipping through some old copies of the Daily Prophet, she came upon a newspaper article that described how Ministry of Magic investigator Bob Ogden visited the Gaunts to summon Morfin to a hearing at the Ministry for hexing a Muggle... and then Raven's eyes widened. The Muggle's name was Tom Riddle!

Now wasn't that strange?

According to the story, Marvolo Gaunt attacked Ogden so he too was arrested. The Wizengamot sentenced him to six month in Azkaban, and apparently he died there. His son Morfin, however, served his time and was released from Azkaban three years later.

In the meantime, his sister Merope had died.

Raven made notes of all these incidents. Then she stared at the parchment and marked two dates. That of Merope's day of death and that of the birth of a certain Tom Riddle- Hogwarts student, Slytherin, Prefect and Head Boy, Keeper of a Medal for Magical Merit and a shield-shaped award in gold for _Special Services to Hogwarts, _still on display in the trophy room.

One didn't have to excel in Arithmancy to realize that those two dates were identical. Merope Gaunt died the very same day Tom Riddle was born, and that couldn't be a coincidence. Speaking of coincidence, it most definitely wasn't one either that Morfin Gaunt got sentenced to three years in Azkaban for hexing a Muggle by the name of Tom Riddle.

Totally bewildered, Raven gaped at her notes.

Tom Riddle junior and senior?

No, that couldn't be_-_ it was too absurd...

He hated Side-Along Apparition, especially when the Apparator didn't seem to give a damn whether he landed safe or almost face down in the mud of thawed snow and dirty soil. He wished he'd already had his own license...

Indignantly, Severus glared at Lucius Malfoy- who suddenly brandished his wand and aimed it at him. Only a moment later, he felt a pain as sharp and cruel as he had never experienced before. It made him wince until he was on his knees, writhing in the mud.

The occasional blows he had received from his father were nothing in comparison to that.

And then it ended, just as abruptly as it had begun.

Malfoy sneered at him. "Now, that will teach you a lesson, Snape."

"What the f-"

"If you ever dare to embarrass me again, like you did today, I swear I will kill you."

Severus stumbled to his feet, astonished about Lucius' reaction. He arched a brow at his _mentor_. "Oh, I doubt that would be wise, Lucius," he said slowly. "The Dark Lord seemed to be quite taken by my... modesty. I'm certain he won't approve to my sudden demise."

"You ingrate little swot," Malfoy hissed before he spun around. With a loud _POP_ he was gone.

Severus smirked inwardly. He flicked his wand and a non-verbal _Scourgify_ later his robes were clean again. Then he made his way from the outskirts of Hogsmeade to Hogwarts castle, contemplating the recent incident with Lucius Malfoy. Apparently, the elitist pure-blood was quite envious of him, because he had managed to impress the Dark Lord without immediately joining his ranks, and therefore Malfoy had used a mild Cruciatus Curse on him. Severus knew it had only been a mild one... otherwise he wouldn't be able to walk now.

She was a total mess, Regulus noticed immediately when she ran into him, laughing almost hysterically. What amused her so?

Why should he care?

True, she was desirable- despite her questionable birth. And Raven Lestrange had fooled him about that, and he had let it happen because... yes, he liked her. Somehow. Of course, she wasn't the kind of girl he wanted to marry, and she was most definitely not the kind of girl he could present to his family... but he wouldn't kick her out of his bed either...

Regulus would have even gone to Hogsmeade with her, if only just to irk his brother. He knew Sirius had his eyes on her but would never openly admit that because she was a Slytherin...

Now, however, she was a mess. Her hair was tousled and she had ink splotches smeared all over her hands and face. It didn't render her less attractive, though.

"What's up, Lestrange?"

"Oh, it's just a very... funny idea," she chuckled, wiping her eyes; tears of laughter were mingling with ink splotches.

"Obviously." Lestrange was an enigma to Regulus but fortunate he didn't care about her at all. It was merely his good upbringing that dictated him to hold open the door to their respective common room for her, sketching a bow. "Ladies first."

She flashed him a sweet smile that seemed to say, _you're a charming boy_, with the emphasis on _boy_, and he wondered why that bugged him so much. After all, he wasn't interested in her anyway.

She was of dubious parentage, not very popular among her peers and to boot, even less social than Snape. Unlike him, though (at least he was trying to fit in- albeit with little success) Lestrange didn't seem to give a damn about what others thought of her. She was simply doing her very own thing... and a part of Regulus admired her for her guts, just like a very tiny part of him would always admire Sirius for going his own way, because he believed in what he did. Of course, Regulus didn't doubt his purpose in life either. The road to a bright future was lying straight ahead of him, he merely had to follow it. And yet, there were times he wished it wouldn't be so... predictable.

He stole a quick glance at her as she walked past him into the Slytherin common room, and he saw her eyes lit up for the fraction of a second when they fell on Snape. That very instant Regulus knew she was in love with _Snivellus_ of all people.

When Severus finally reached the Slytherin common room, he was tired and mentally exhausted, wishing he could just scamper to his dormitory to be alone. But it was a well-known secret that he had met the Dark Lord today, so instead of being able to enjoy solitude, he was suddenly surrounded by more _friends_ than he could count, receiving more attention than ever before in his years at Hogwarts.

At first, Severus felt flattered by their sudden interest in him. Then he realized that they were only interested in hearing stories about the Dark Lord. He, himself as a person, was expendable. Irrelevant.

Where had they all been when he'd been in need of friends? Why were his house mates always conspicuous by their absence when the Marauders attacked him four on one... or sometimes four on two? And where was the only person he could stand to see now?

Severus let his eyes sweep across the common room, looking for Raven.

She wasn't there.

Instead, Avery and Mulciber kept on pestering him with questions about the Dark Lord. They actually reminded him of Muggle rock-star groupies in their tittering eagerness, only that they were groupies of the Dark...

Wilkes, a blond-haired seventh year prefect, put an end to that. "Gentlemen, do I really have to remind you to be more discreet?"

Mulciber pulled a face. "We were merely asking a couple of questions."

Avery said something in response, but Severus wasn't listening. Raven had just entered the Slytherin common room, smiling at Regulus Black, who had opened the door for her.

It was so good to see her, although that came along with a strange, sharp and sudden pang of jealousy due to the way she smiled at the Black boy. Then, however, she glanced in his direction and her eyes lit up in reassurance that they were still best friends.

She didn't linger in the common room but went straight to her dormitory, and Severus excused himself only a little later, saying he was tired.

Which was true.

He was bone-weary, and yet he couldn't find sleep. After tossing and turning in his strongly warded four-poster bed for a couple of hours, dreaming briefly of blood-rimmed eyes, he gave up. Silently, he sneaked back into the common room.

The fire in the fireplace was still burning, and someone was sitting in front of it on the floor, cross-legged, smoking Muggle fags .

A tiny little smile curled up his lips as he sat down next to Raven, enjoying the warmth of the fireplace but even more the warmth she radiated.

"You alright?"

She turned her face at him and he saw the treacherous silver streaks of tears on her cheeks.

"Yeah," she lied, feigning a smirk, "and you?"

"I'm fine," he lied as well.

Raven nodded. She took a deep drag on her cigarette, inhaled the smoke and exhaled it into perfectly round rings.

"You know, I thought that probably you couldn't sleep. I was waiting for you."

Severus didn't reply. He stared at the flames in the fireplace, the way they crackled over the dry wood, making the resin burst in tiny explosions of sparks. The peacefulness of the scene was somewhat surreal

"If you don't want to talk about it, it's okay with me."

Still, he didn't utter a word, but after endless moments of silence, he finally deigned to glance at her.

"Maybe tomorrow..."

"Sev," Raven gasped, aghast at the desperation in his voice, "is there anything I can do for you?"

"Give me one of your stupid fags."

She did, since he had asked so nicely. For a while they were smoking in companionable silence before Severus slowly began to tell her of today's events and Lucius' reaction. Raven listened without interrupting him but inwardly she cursed Malfoy.

"He's so very, very powerful..."

Looking at him, she saw a vision of the Dark Lord flashing up in Severus' mind's eye, and she felt torn between his feelings of admiration, repulsion and anxiety.

"And yet you managed to fool him," she whispered.

He merely snorted.

"No, honestly, Sev- how many wizards can say of themselves that they stood before the Dark Lord and defied him without him noticing it?"

"Tut! What have I gained? Nothing! Nothing, except for a few more years of freedom perhaps, so that I can finish my education and be of better use for him. Damned, I even promised to do him any favour he asks for!"

"Yes, and that was strategically a very wise move in order to not arouse suspicion."

Lily would have scolded him for that _very wise move_, Severus realized- but that exactly was the difference between Gryffindors and Slytherins. Slytherins would always try to save their own hide and weasel themselves out of any tight situation, while Gryffindork would rather sacrifice themselves for their beliefs and go down in a blaze of glory...

"Look on the bright side, Sev," Raven said as she gently touched his left arm, "you're not branded cattle yet."

He wanted to remind her that only the inner circle of the fraternity was given the Dark Mark, but her thumb stroking his forearm was unnerving him, and that wasn't right. His treacherous body always seemed to forget that Raven was only a good friend to him (because the only girl he would ever love was Lily!) and therefore it shouldn't react to Raven's touch with... lust. It was despicable. If only it wouldn't feel so damned good, the way she caressed him. For a fraction of a second he even thought about kissing her- her lips were looking so tantalizing...

Lost in thoughts, she stared at her thumb running up and down his left forearm. His skin was so soft and so fortunately not marred by any ugly Dark Mark... then she realized what she was doing and, blushing, let go of his arm. Averting his eyes, Raven recalled the picture of Voldemort she had seen in Severus' mind.

It didn't resemble that of pretty young Tom Riddle at all.

Had she been wrong in her conclusion that Tom Riddle junior was Lord Voldemort? She'd almost had a hysteric fit of laughter when the idea had first popped up in her mind- Madam Pince had actually sent her out of the library and told her to not come back until she had calmed down again- and probably the idea was really too absurd to be true.

No. There was no other possibility. There couldn't be that many coincidences, no matter how unlikely her theory was. Or wasn't it?

"Sev," she said, startling him out of his revery, "if I told you that Lord V, the Heir of Slytherin, was likely once known as Tom Riddle, a Slytherin model student with a Medal for Magical Merit, keeper of an award for _Special Services to Hogwarts-_ and a half-blood- would you call my conclusion ironic or simply absurd?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"My research made me believe that The Dark Lord is possibly a half-blood by the name of Tom Riddle."

He gaped at her, knowing she usually was quite thorough in her research and therefore there was no reason to believe she was making fun of him. But could it really be true?

And did it even matter at all?

The shadows in the Slytherin common room seemed to be getting darker again, a constant reminder of the promise he had given.

_Anything, my Lord,_ he had so foolishly gushed, fascinated by the Dark Lord's power and not thinking clearly. Now, all he could hope for was that he hadn't sold his soul to the devil then- whatever his blood status was.


	22. Dandy in the Underworld

22- Dandy in the Underworld

They debated her theory almost all night long. Raven listed up all the facts and Severus could find no fault in her train of thoughts

But did it really matter if the Dark Lord was a half-blood, a pure-blood or even a Muggleborn? Did it matter at all whether his name used to be Tom Riddle before he called himself Lord Voldemort? Severus had caught a glimpse at His power and could still feel His eyes penetrating his mind, trying to reveal all his secrets. And yet, Raven was right. He had managed to fool Voldemort- or Tom Riddle. And calling him Tom made him appear more... well, definitely not more human, since he seemed to have lost a good deal of his humanity to the Dark Arts... but at least he was less terrifying when they called him Tom.

It was true, knowing the real name of something or someone did take away a certain amount of dread. Nevertheless, there still remained the fact that You-Know-Who was a tyrant with profound knowledge of the Dark Arts, and that wasn't to be taken lightly... no matter what you called him. The Dark Lord was a dangerous wizard, a dangerous man.

And he had promised anything, should the Dark Lord ever ask a favour of him. Had he already pledged his soul to the devil with that promise? Wasn't it just as good as joining the fraternity of Death Eaters, which he had actually been trying to avoid?

In front of the fireplace with its merrily dancing flames, smoking Muggle cigarettes with his best friend and being infected by her optimism, Severus thought that probably he could weasel himself out of the situation he had so willingly- foolishly!- landed himself in; that perhaps he could fool the Dark Lord once again when the time came to fulfil his promise.

Later, in the darkness of the dormitory, in his lonely four-poster bed, he very much doubted that.

They didn't talk again the next morning. Actually, they didn't talk at all the next day. The very idea that Lord Voldemort, the Heir of Slytherin, the champion of pure-bloods and blood supremacists, could possibly be a half-blood by the name of Tom Riddle- now that was something they rather kept to themselves. Within their house, the thought alone was probably considered blasphemy.

Monday morning, Raven received an owl that made her smile, reading her mother's letter, before she got all moody and grumpy for the rest of the day, cursing Hogwarts in general. By Monday evening, however, she was suddenly all excited as she passed Severus a note to meet her at the staircase in the Entrance Hall after dinner.

"What's up?" He asked, surreptitiously glancing around. But the Entrance Hall was too crowded with students for anyone to pay them much attention.

"Your birthday present has arrived," she said and handed him a slip of paper.

It was a concert ticket. Marc Bolan and T. Rex, Glasgow Apollo, Saturday, 12th March 1977, 7-30 p.m .

Severus feigned a smile, immediately hiding the ticket so that none of his house mates could possibly see it. Yes, she had already surprised him with the fact he that would have to accompany her to a gig of her favourite Muggle band when he had come of age in January, but now he was holding the proof of how serious she was about it in his hands.

"Great," he lied, trying to sound at least a little bit thrilled- which he wasn't. Nevertheless, he had long accepted his fate and besides, he truly wanted to do her the favour of accompanying her, given that it seemed to mean so much to her. After all, she was his best friend. The only friend he still had...

Raven beamed brightly at him, looking so happy it almost made his heart ache. Especially when he recalled the way her thumb had caressed his arm the other night- damn!

"Come with me," she said in a playful tone as she took his hand and led him up the ever-changing staircases to the seventh floor. "I want to try something..."

In front of a large painting that showed Barnabas the Barmy's attempt of training trolls how to dance ballet, she stopped in order to walk past it exactly three times, her brows furrowed in concentration. All of a sudden a door appeared where previously there had been nothing but a blank wall.

Carefully, Raven opened the door- and squealed in delight.

The room looked very much like a Muggle living room in the fifties, with a kidney-shaped table, two lounge chairs and a big old-fashioned radio. It was tuned to BBC Radio One as a male voice announced.

"Hi, this is John Peel and your listening to BBC Radio One..."

"Oh wow!" Raven squealed again, then she hugged Severus. "It worked! This old castle isn't really that awful!"

Although the furniture was of the wrong decade, the radio station wasn't.

"… today, we have Marc Bolan on the show and he will tell us all about the upcoming T. Rex album, Dandy in the Underworld, which will be released on March eleventh."

She was happy. It was so hard to live without music and although there was the Wizarding Wireless Network, she didn't like the kind of music they played. But now she could listen to some new songs of her favourite band and she could do that in the company of her best friend.

Severus rolled his eyes even though he had to admit that he was a tiny little bit infected by her enthusiasm, so he didn't remind her of the essays they still had to write for Transfiguration. Instead, he flashed her a wry smile as he sat down in one of the lounge chairs and listened to that Muggle guy, John Peel, talking to that Muggle singer, Marc Bolan.

The Room of Requirement had also provided them with a bottle of Coke (probably it thought that belonged into every Muggle living room) which was a welcome change for Raven, who strongly disliked pumpkin juice. For the first time in almost six years at Hogwarts, she finally felt completely at ease with the castle.

There was magic in music, Severus realized since he had forgotten about the Dark Lord and all other problems for a while, had even tapped his foot to the rhythm- those new songs weren't really bad and he was almost looking forward to the concert now.

Raven smiled brightly at him. She was quite a sight when she was happy and her eyes were sparkling in that deep shape of blue that always reminded him of summer skies.

Unfortunately, they couldn't stay in the Room of Requirement forever. When the radio show was over, they had to return to their common room and they had to be careful not to get caught on their way back since it was already past curfew.

The corridors were empty. Raven had extended her strange Notice-Me-Not spell over both of them as they scurried down the staircase- until all of a sudden she stopped dead in her tracks.

Severus hissed, "What-?", but she silenced him immediately and gestured him to listen.

Now, he could hear it too. They weren't alone on the staircase, and it wasn't Filch or any of the teachers patrolling the castle.

"Be quiet, Wormtail!" The voice of James Potter whispered, coming from out of nowhere. At least three pair of feet were clattering down a few more steps before they stopped.

"I thought I heard something." Potter's voice again but he himself wasn't to be seen.

"Don't wet your pants, Prongs," Black said, just as bodiless as his partner in crime, "there isn't anyone."

Invisibly to the invisible Marauders, Raven took another step backwards until she felt the solid wood of the banister in her back. Severus cast a non-verbal Muffliato.

"We should follow them to see what they're up to."

"We can't see them," Raven reminded him in a low tone. But she felt something- like the cool breeze of a movement- indicating that the Marauders had passed by them on their way down the stairs.

Impatiently, Severus pulled at her sleeve; he really wanted to follow them. It was plain to see that he was still dreaming of getting them expelled. Probably because of Lily. In the end, it was always because of Lily... as if she would suddenly fall head over heels in love with him as soon as Potter was gone...

Then they heard Pettigrew chuckle, "No one can catch us while we're hidden under your Invisibility Cloak, Prongs!"

Now that surely explains a lot, Raven thought, glancing at Severus. Potter owned an Invisibility Cloak. That's why he and his cronies could sneak around the castle unseen, hexing students for the fun of it. Really funny indeed.

Nevertheless, that still didn't explain the strange nicknames the Marauders were using to address each other... _Wormtail... Prongs... Padfoot_...

"Moony is waiting," Black barked, urging his companions to hurry.

..._Moony_- Moony? Well, Moony was obviously Lupin since he wasn't with his friends tonight; there were only three Marauders, three pair of feet on the staircase. Wormtail, Prongs and Padfoot. Raven knew that Black was Padfoot (although she had never paid attention to his feet) because Potter had called him so in class. But as she cast her eyes to one of the windows, Raven knew why Lupin was called Moony. She elbowed Severus to make him take notice of the full moon that was shining outside.

He gasped. "They're going to meet the werewolf!"

"Yeah... but how?" Raven wished she hadn't given up research on that, since the very same question had occurred to her almost a year ago, after the werewolf incident... and she hadn't followed that lead because... well, she had been busy with her OWLs and other things. And now it was nigh impossible to dig any deeper or to follow the Marauders (wherever they were heading to) just to solve that mystery,. After all, there was a dangerous werewolf lurking somewhere and she wasn't foolish enough to run straight into his hungry muzzle.

"Let's follow them," Severus suggested, apparently not thinking clearly.

"No!"

"We have to find out what they are up to!"

"True. But we're not some overzealous Gryffindorks jumping headlong into danger."

Affronted, Severus glared at her. Of course she was right- but still, there was a chance to get the Marauders expelled. He just had to come up with a clever idea...

Raven sighed. "Sev, let it be. Please. They're not worth any trouble nor any danger we might get ourselves into, and we will have trouble explaining why we are out of our common room after curfew."

He grumbled. Why was it that the Marauders would always make him act on impulse, forgetting his fine Slytherin traits? It was because of Lily, Severus concluded. Because he wanted to know she was safe, and she wasn't safe if she was in the same house as Potter, who wasn't only friends with a werewolf, but was apparently also about to meet his werewolf friend during full moon.

Severus and Raven had to follow the Marauders down the staircase if they wanted to get to the dungeons, but when they reached the Entrance Hall, they saw the front door being opened and then closed again by invisible hands.

Immediately, Severus forgot Raven's warning and hurried to pursue the Gryffindors; he was almost obsessed with the thought of catching them in the act of breaking the rules- he needed to see where they were heading to. He would get them expelled, and then Lily would have to realize that Potter wasn't as wonderful as she thought. And then... then... Nothing. Needless to say, he couldn't see anything since they were still hidden beneath Potter's thrice damned Invisibility Cloak. Neither could he hear their footsteps anymore.

Raven dragged him back inside. "Don't rush things. We're not gonna run out of the castle during full moon, alright? First, we have to find out why they aren't afraid to become a tasty werewolf snack."

"I bet they're on their way to that tunnel underneath the Whomping Willow," Severus hissed, cursing the fact that it had thawed the other day and all the snow was gone, otherwise he would have been able to see their footsteps. Frustrated, he turned to Raven. "Why don't they fear him? And please don't tell me it's because they're friends. A fully-fledged werewolf doesn't know friends."

"I know."

"And yet they're treating him like their favourite cuddly toy! Why do they behave as if that dangerous monster is simply having a little problem once a month?"

"Decidedly more dangerous than the monthly PMS curse." When Severus gave her a comical glance, Raven shrugged. "Never mind. We'll find out, Sev. I-" She fell silent when she heard someone approaching them, so she dragged Severus to the staircase leading down to the dungeons.

Only an instant later, Argus Filch, Hogwarts caretaker, appeared in the Entrance Hall. Jingling in his hands were a pair of polished manacles that seemed to glow threateningly in the pale moonlight that fell in through the windows. Breathing hard, he let out a wheezy cry of triumph when he saw that the front door war standing slightly ajar.

"Now I'll get you, you obnoxious little trouble-makers... leaving the castle in the middle of the night, and you think you can get away with that? I've been telling Dumbledore for years he's too soft with you-" Filch swung open the massive oak doors only to stare at the totally peaceful, empty grounds. There was no sign of anyone at all. He clearly was very disappointed

His cat, Mrs Norris, miaowed and rubbed her dust-coloured head against his leg, while her tail was lashing as angrily as a whip. The scrawny feline knew that there were two students lurking at the landing of the staircase to the dungeons, although they weren't to be seen.

Very carefully, Raven and Severus descended the stairs in order to not get caught by Filch. True, he was a rheumatic Squib, so he could neither uncover their disguise nor catch up with them if they started running now- but better safe than sorry.

In the end, they reached the Slytherin common room untroubled. Severus was a little upset because he had given in to Raven's whims by joining her in the Room of Requirement, since that had almost resulted in the precarious situation of getting caught for breaking curfew. It was not her fault though, that he had lost track of time. He should have glanced at his watch occasionally, knowing quite well that she wasn't capable of paying attention to anything as mundane as school rules when it was about her bloody music. On the other hand, it had been an enjoyable evening and they had found out why the Marauders could roam the castle as jauntily as they did. They were in possession of an Invisibility Cloak.

That also explained why Potter always managed to attack him when he was all on his own- it was an easy thing to gather your cronies and sneak up on the enemy while hidden underneath an Invisibility Cloak. It wasn't, however, what Severus considered bravery. Actually, it added to their dastardly behaviour.

Time flies when you're having fun, they say, but time seemed to fly even more when you were busy with everyday routine, buried under stacks of homework. February went by and turned into March. One day, there was spring in the air, and the next it was snowing again. And all the while, Raven was counting the days until March 12th , when she would be going to the T Rex gig with Severus.

She was so looking forward to it that she almost forgot about the Marauders and their werewolf friend.

A week before the gig, her mother sent a permission form that allowed Raven to leave Hogwarts for the weekend; all she had to do was to get her head of house to sign it- which Professor Slughorn without really looking at it. But he promised to pass it on to Headmaster Dumbledore, as requested.

After the Apparation lesson on Saturday, Raven and Severus took the Knight Bus to Glasgow, both dressed in Muggle attire. Of course, he had been trying to hide that by wearing a cloak over his leather jacket, but when they were sitting in the Knight Bus, he took off his cloak, shrunk it, and stuffed it in the pockets of his leather jacket.

Raven flashed him a fleeting glance, smirking as she once again realized how dashing he looked in Muggle clothes, and how well a pair of jeans accentuated his long, slender legs. She felt a swell of pride next to her overall joy that she was going to this gig with her best friend, even if he- unfortunately- wasn't her boyfriend.

He hadn't expected it, but the concert was... agreeable. Severus did indeed enjoyed the music, but what he didn't understand was why people had to be crammed in a jam-packed place like cattle in order to enjoy music.

He was being surrounded by sweaty bodies, jumping up and down while he hardly couldn't move at all- not that he would have wanted to move. Severus would have been perfectly alright if no strangers rammed their elbows into his ribs. At long last he heaved an exasperated sigh and pulled his wand to cast the non-verbal modification of a Cushioning Charm that gave him a little more _comfort._

The crowd was simply absurd! No only that they were jumping around, there were also girls screaming they wanted to have a baby with the lead singer, who was a married man... as far as Severus knew from Raven (not that he cared).

That didn't stop them, though. Some of them even lifted their awfully coloured tops to bare their breasts, which he found mightily bewildering and he tried to avert his eyes. Didn't Muggles know anything about decent behaviour? After all, these girls weren't familiar with the guys on stage; they didn't know them personally. And yet they worshipped them so much they wanted to sleep with the singer in order to get pregnant, as if staring at his picture or reading every articles about him in the tabloids was a way to get to know someone. It definitely wasn't a sane basis for raising someone's child...

Briefly, Severus' mind drifted back to his own family situation; to his mother who had been disowned by her parents for getting pregnant by a Muggle guy she had probably never loved, and how one single night of pleasure had resulted in three totally unhappy lives. Mother blamed father for her misery, while father blamed his wife for being a witch, and together they blamed him. Probably.,

He shook his head to dispel his thoughts as he stole a sidelong glance at Raven. Without having any clue about his train of thoughts, she simply took his arm, smiling beatifically at him. It was plain to see that she was happy.

Of course, it was easy to take unadulterated joy in the simple things of life- like the concert of a Muggle band- if you were born into a family that treasured words like love and respect, and living up to those words instead of deriding them.

The band played their last song and then left the stage. The crowd was cheering, applauding frenetically as they called for an encore. Apparently, the concert wasn't over yet although all the lights had gone dark. Then, a little later, they lit up again with spotlight on the singer, who was now sitting cross-legged on stage, strumming his acoustic guitar to a tune Severus actually knew because Raven had played it to him on various occasions- it was one of her favourites.

And he still didn't know what 'playing the Spaceball Ricochet' meant.

If only they had left after the final encore. They should have taken the Knight Bus back to Hogwarts, and everything would have been alright. They wouldn't have been caught by Filch, who escorted them to the Headmaster's office, cursing all students in general while threatening to flog them for being incorrigible rule-breakers and trouble-makers.

"I have a permission to be out for the night," Raven tried to argue with Filch, but he didn't even listen.

They should have headed back to Hogwarts right after the concert was over, Severus thought, but no- that was not what Raven had had in mind. She sort of seemed to have tasted _freedom_ (as weird as that might sound), the freedom of the Muggle world with all its music and clubs and bars and people, and she had been determined to savour her night out.

If not for her, he wouldn't have to justify himself to the Headmaster now. He wouldn't have to face Dumbledore's pink socks- Severus was averting his eyes, knowing that the Headmaster was a skilled Legilimens (or he simply wanted to avoid looking at that frivolous nightshirt, light blue with embroidered golden dragons, that Dumbledore wore under his lilac dressing gown)

What was he to tell him now? Most likely, Dumbledore would not believe the truth. Especially not if a Slytherin told him he'd been to a Muggle glam rock gig in Glasgow; had been to a couple of Muggle clubs afterwards, and had finally met the members of said Muggle glam rock band in a hotel bar, where he had talked to their lead singer. A friendly, but slightly crazy poet by the name of Marc Bolan, who believed in unicorns, futuristic dragons, seers and sages... who seemed to believe in magic without knowing that there really existed a wizarding world.

Raven wasn't pleased with Dumbledore's attitude at all since the Headmaster was eyeing them suspiciously.

"I have a permission signed by my mother. I was allowed to go out for the night. I handed it to Slug- um, _Professor_ Slughorn, with the request to pass it on to you. It's not my bloody fault you cannot find it now." She'd had a few glasses of wine, otherwise she probably wouldn't have dared to speak to Headmaster Dumbledore like that. Raven glanced at his desk, which looked a tad messy indeed for someone who wasn't used to Albus Dumbledore's way of organizing things.

"Miss Lestrange, please don't feel affronted when asked a simple question," Dumbledore said in a benevolent tone, his blue eyes twinkling, "I'd like to assure you that as headmaster of this very fine school, the welfare of each and every student is always my utmost interest..."

"Oh really? Then where- pray tell me- has your interest in my welfare been all those years and every time I ended up in the infirmary due to some _prank_ your precious Gryffindors played on me? So what if I told you our night out had been a big prank? Would you let us go off lightly, silently amused by our guts?"

Severus elbowed her, but Raven paid him no attention. One of the portraits of previous Headmasters and Headmistresses that covered the walls of the office opened a sleepy eye.

"I am inconsolable if you feel less dear to me than other students, Miss Lestrange. Why don't you simply enlighten me about your night out, for better understanding? Did you enjoy yourself?"

He was clever; she gave him that. Now he mimed the good old, albeit slightly eccentric grandfather- while trying to use Legilimency on her. But instead of slamming down her mental shutters, (Raven didn't trust him, therefore she didn't want him to know of her Occlumency skills) she merely averted her eyes; just like Severus did every time the old wizard glanced at him.

"We've been to a concert," she finally admitted, although he should have known that if he had bothered to read her mother's note.

"Ah, music- it really is a magic of its own. Mozart's serenades, the Magical Flute, the symphonies of Bach and Haydn..."

"Ahem, the music was glam rock, the band called T Rex and there were no flutes but guitars." _Honestly,_ Raven thought, _do I look like I'm into that classical stuff?_

"Please forgive my ignorance when it comes to modern music," Dumbledore flashed her an apologetic smile, his blue eyes still twinkling. "I hope you were having fun?"

The headmaster didn't quite seem to believe Raven; it became obvious the way he watched Severus (who hadn't uttered a single word yet) from under the rim of his half-moon spectacles.

"Let me hazard a guess- we're under general suspicion because we're Slytherins, and you believe we sneaked out of the castle for some secret meeting with the Dark Lord?"

"Hear, hear," one of the portraits whispered, a clever looking fellow with a pointed beard..

"Miss Lestrange, you seem to insist on misinterpreting my true and honest concern-"

The portrait snickered.

"I don't think so." Raven reached into the pocket of her purple bell-bottoms and produced two crumpled concert tickets that she slammed on the desk right in front of Dumbledore. "Here's the proof- although I don't have to prove anything since I did no fucking wrong. Your bias is just as discriminating as the Dark Lord's ideology of pure-blood supremacy."

"Miss Lestrange-"

"Why don't you bother to look at us for a change?" She interrupted the headmaster once again, irritated, stubborn and slightly drunk. "Look at us! Do we appear like the typical future of Death Eaters to you?" Raven heaved a sigh. "And now I'm tired of this charade. Would you please call my mother so we can get over with that tedious affair? I'm certain that her word will solve the matter, although you should not expect to find her pleased about the necessity of her presence, that early on a Sunday morning. But that's your bloody problem, not mine."

"Well, if you insist," Dumbledore agreed, recalling the former Hufflepuff student Nigella Marigold with fond affection, although (unfortunately) she hadn't been very gifted in Transfiguration. Nevertheless, she had been a model student, never causing any trouble... Alas, he recalled a little later- after he had already thrown a handful of Floo Powder into his fireplace- that the adult Nigella Lestrange was quite a fervid witch when it came to her beloved daughter; she had already criticised him on several occasions because of what she believed was unfair treatment, and once she had even send him a Howler.

Only a moment later, Nigella Lestrange stepped out of the fireplace and nodded a brief greeting in Dumbledore's direction while looking for Raven and Severus; she breathed a sigh of relief when she spotted them, apparently safe and sound.

"Hi Mum," Raven said, "I'm sorry for-"

"Don't worry, love, it's alright as long as you are alright," Nigella was glad when both Raven and Severus nodded in the affirmative, then she turned to the headmaster with a stern mien on her face. "Would you please be so kind and enlighten me what this is all about?"

Dumbledore cleared his throat, "Well, your daughter and her companion were caught by Argus Filch at 5 o'clock this morning when they entered the castle; it is obvious they exceeded curfew for many hours."

"Did Raven not tell you that I gave her permission to be out for the night? As far as I recall, that is not against the school rules."

"Ahem..." Dumbledore began searching his desk for that permission, but couldn't find it. Nevertheless, he believed Nigella Lestrange. So Raven had told the truth. "Well, now that that's settled, you may leave and go to bed, Miss Lestrange."

Raven glanced at her mother. "Mum?"

"Yes, darling, go and wait outside. I will have a few more words with Headmaster Dumbledore, but if you're not too tired, I would like to meet you afterwards."

"Alright." She turned to leave and so did Severus, who was in a grumpy mood and hadn't uttered a single word to his defence the whole time.

"Mr Snape!" Headmaster Dumbledore called after him, "I didn't allow you to retreat."

Severus stopped at the door, hanging his head as he thought how very typical this was. He would receive punishment for nothing while everyone else was always getting off lightly. But to his surprise, Nigella told him to join Raven and wait outside the office.

"...just go, my dear boy, and let me handle that."

Dumbledore was slightly perplex. "Dear Mrs Lestrange, I must protest-"

"No, headmaster, I will have none of that. If you had actually read my letter that permitted Raven to leave school for the weekend, you would know it was explicitly mentioned that she would be accompanied by Severus, who is of age already..."

The door to Dumbledore's office closer behind them, so Raven and Severus couldn't hear any more of the conversation between her mother and the headmaster, except when Nigella got really upset. She actually accused Dumbledore of being 'sloppy', amongst other things.

Severus couldn't quite believe that there would be no detention, no point loss- simply no consequences of their night out, thanks to Nigella Lestrange. Instead, he was now sitting at the Three Broomsticks with Raven and her mother, having an early breakfast since they were all still too agitated to go to bed and hope to fall asleep any time soon.

Nigella was still angry at Dumbledore, but she didn't want to show her negative emotions when the kids were around, so she put on a cheerful face and asked Severus if he had enjoyed the concert.

"It was agreeable," he answered politely.

Raven beamed brightly, took a sip of coffee, and started gushing.

Severus glanced at Nigella, a small smirk on his face, while Raven was talking on and on; she seemed to remember every song. Then she told her mother about the clubs in Glasgow and the music they played there, about the people they had met and how at long last they had even met the band in that hotel bar.

"… you have to ask Sev- he and Marc talked for hours..."

_'Your girlfriend?' the Muggle inquired when Raven came over to join them. _

_'No,' Severus mumbled, slightly bewildered that anyone could come to that conclusion, 'we're just good friends._

_His conversational partner cocked a surprised brow at him. 'What a pity, she's quite a pretty one...'_

_Indeed, Severus realised as he glanced briefly at her- she was a pretty witch, especially when she smiled so happily, and she was definitely happy tonight._

_'I think you really should reconsider your relationship with her.'_

_What was that supposed to mean? Severus wondered. Although the Muggle was pleasant to talk to, he was a bit cryptically sometimes- probably because he was an... _artist. _A musician, a singer, songwriter and poet, and these sort of Muggles seemed to tick differently in comparison to other Muggles. They were more... open-minded and less set in their ways, and they wouldn't call him a freak because they were freaks themselves, at least in the eye of conservative Muggles..._

Raven will be pleased to hear that her favourite singer thinks her pretty, _he thought- so far so good- but what did that have to do with him? She was his best friend, a clever, intelligent witch who hadn't turned into one of those silly girls that started gushing at the sight of a... _celebrity (_albeit, he had to admit that that Muggle singer was actually quite down to earth for someone being so popular, even if he _did_ seem to have his head way up in the clouds of fairy-tale-skies)_

Nigella couldn't keep her eyes off her daughter as she was prattling on and on, beaming so happily about her night out that it almost made her mother's heart ache with joy. So it had been a good idea to allow her to go to that concert and have fun, and most definitely, it had also been a good idea to write that letter of permit for her, even if Headmaster Dumbledore had been loath to admit he couldn't find it anywhere, due to the mess on his desk. She didn't regret having argued with him, because it was worth arguing if at long last the reward was to glance at happy young faces.

* * *

_Merry Christmas everybody! Reviews are welcome as they look so nice under the Christmas tree.  
_

_Yes, I know the Room of Requirement does not provide food, but Coke has no real nutritional value and besides, the Room sees it more as an accessory that all Muggles have in their living-rooms. So no flames please._

_Thanks to hypnotic ink for moral support and to Alabaster Princess for doing a great beta job. All remaining mistakes are mine._


	23. Ride a White Swan

_I wish you all a Happy New Year!_

_Thanks to Alabaster Princess and hypnotic ink._

_Disclaimer: Not mine, lyrics from T Rex_

23- Ride a White Swan

The Three D's were important in Apparition- Destination, Determination and Deliberation. You had to be completely determined to reach your destination, but that was not Raven's problem when they had their final lesson, the very one that would decide upon failure or success. Severus had already made it and she certainly didn't lack the required determination to follow him, wherever he went. Even if it was just up that hill on the outskirts of Hogsmeade.

_Move without haste but with deliberation... _yes, she could do that. After all, she was determined.

Without Splinching herself, she reached her destination. Alas, she didn't land quite as elegantly as she had planned to. Instead, she knocked Severus over, surprising him with the full force of her impact as she pinned him down to the ground with her being sprawled all over him.

_Now, what a sensational landing!_ she thought sardonically as she popped herself up on her elbows and glanced down at him, breathing a stupid, "Hi, Sev!"

Although the situation was absolutely awkward, she nevertheless enjoyed being that close to him. He smelled so nice and he was warm... and slender. Was he really so thin she could feel his bones? Except, it wasn't a bone, she realized then. He was... _happy_... to see her. Or it was just a natural reaction of his body... a very nice reaction. And she had almost thought he was immune to all witches that weren't Lily Evans. Well, apparently not.

She was in no hurry to get up, and he didn't push her away as they stared at each other for a long moment. His eyes were so beautiful, so dark and mysterious like the Black Lake in the moonlight, and his lips... well, they looked absolutely inviting and she wanted to taste them, to kiss him...

How absurd! They hadn't even talked those past weeks, not since that night out in March. Of course, they saw each other every day in class and at meals, and naturally, they exchanged the usual pleasantries, but they hadn't really spend much time together like they usually did.

He was avoiding her. Probably he was just trying to hide from his _friends_ that he had been out with her, in fear they could find out about his true allegiance, and that he was no Death Eater material, even if he made them believe so.

Raven knew he was acting very clever, playing a dangerous game. He had to fool everyone in order to go his very own way, and she was rooting for him because he did it so well. Nevertheless, she missed him terribly and his lips looked so very tantalizing...

Severus was taken aback by the way his body was reacting to hers and wished he just could. stop. that. Because it was... _inappropriate_. He didn't love her. But his treacherous body didn't care- it desired her. Her body was so soft, so womanly and and yet firm in the right places. Her eyes were dark blue like summer skies, gazing at him.

Their eyes locked.

She was thinking that his lips looked kissable and wondered what he would taste like.

Well, her lips were decidedly more tempting. He was aroused by her proximity; she was so close...

"Oi, Snivellus! Stop molesting innocent witches with your greasy paws!"

Potter!

Severus let out a frustrated grown although he was almost relieved about the interference- otherwise he might have actually given in to his fatal yearning and kissed Raven, betraying Lily.

"Get off of me," he hissed, pushing Raven aside while fingering for his wand. But she had already jumped to her feet, brandishing her own wand. There wasn't anything _innocent_ about her...

"Oh!" Potter grinned when he realized that it was just the Fat Crow atop of Snape. "Never mind. Although it's sick to see two slimy snakes copulating in the grass."

"Who's copulating?" Black inquired as he made elegant landing, having Apparated sharply at his friend's side. Then he spotted Snape and Lestrange. "Oh dear," he exclaimed, flashing Raven a benevolent but at the same almost pitiful smile, "I never thought you were _that_ needy, Lestrange! But don't worry, if you are so desperate to get laid, I know a cosy place to see to your needs. And in the darkness of a broom closet it doesn't even matter you're a Slytherin."

"Who's the desperate one here, Black?" Raven asked with a sophisticated arch of her brow as she walked past him, her head held up high. She walked down the hill, back to their Apparition Instructor in order to get that scrap of paper that would testify her skills in his class and allowed her to Apparate once she was of age.

"What's wrong with her, Prongs?"

"Dunno, mate," Potter replied, "Must've got to do with the fact that she's Slytherin scum."

"Alright. _Alright_..."

"Padfoot, you know you can easily find more suitable girls."

It was disgusting to hear them talk about Raven as if she was just a piece of meat to them, and Severus wanted to hex them for badmouthing her. Instead, he set out to follow her down the hill, thinking she had reacted quite cool actually- when all of a sudden Lily popped up out of thin air, looking absolute radiant with her wind-swept mane of red hair.

"I made it! I made it!" She squealed in adorable delight, jumping up and down- just like the excited young girl he had come to love.

He stopped to watch her. Alas, she didn't spare him a single glance as she beamed at Potter of all people.

"See, " he said in a conceited tone, "I told you so, didn't I? I just knew you wouldn't fail Apparation, because you are a truly gifted witch." His voice dropped to a low, seductive whisper. "Probably the brightest of our times, Lily."

Severus felt the urge to vomit at so much sweet-talk; it made him sick. Especially when Lily seemed to fell for Potter's words, glancing at him with shining eyes.

"Why, thank you James." Flirtatiously, she batted her lashes at the guy who used to be an arrogant toerag to her only one year ago- but apparently that had changed; she actually seemed to _like_ him now.

And that was a very big blow to Severus' ego. He wanted to hex Potter for taking away the only girl he loved, but he couldn't do that with Lily around. She wouldn't appreciate it. The Apparation Instructor from the Ministry wouldn't either.

Heaving a sigh, he turned and walked down the hill to join Raven, trying not to think of her lips.

Contrary to her, he got his Apparation Licence handed out straight since he was already of age. It didn't please him as it should have since there were too many things bothering him.

Severus knew for sure that he loved Lily, and only Lily. Raven was just a good friend to him; probably his only real friend. Nevertheless, his body responded to her in a way that wasn't acceptable- so much about Black reducing her to a piece of meat; he wasn't any better himself. Although, he would never openly announce he wanted to shag her in a broom closet. That was so very, very ... _low_. Even to Marauder standards.

He was proud of her sophisticated response to Black's offending offer. Any other girl would have been flattered for having attracted the dubious attention of dashing Sirius Black, but fortunately not Raven Lestrange.

Weeks passed by like fair-weather clouds on a clear spring day. May came, the temperature was rising and so was Raven's mood because her seventeenth birthday was approaching. Outside the castle, the nature was exploding in fresh shades of green that seemed to get richer and richer every days; flowers were blossoming everywhere.

Raven loved that time of the year. It just made her sad she couldn't share it with anyone. After that encounter up the hill, Severus had gone back to avoiding her and was hanging around with the likes of Mulciber and Avery instead. He was the Half-Blood Prince again.

Although she knew he was merely playing a role to keep up pretence, there were times he was doing it so well she feared she might actually lose him to Voldemort. But then there were also these rare moments he would seek her presence (usually late at night when all the others were asleep) and he was _her_ Sev again, the boy she had come to love. In those moments she worried even more about him.

Sometimes, they talked. Most of the time, though, he simply seemed to tolerate her being around, silently brooding over... whatever. Often, she felt very lonely and then, all of a sudden, he would surprise her with a gesture of friendship, like pouring her a cup of coffee, knowing she was like a zombie without her daily, early morning dose of that brew.

The morning of her seventeenth birthday came. Raven was of age now, but strangely she didn't feel any different; even her reflection in the mirror didn't look any different.

Nobody seemed to care anyway.

Severus walked past her on his way to breakfast, listening to whatever bullshit Avery and Wilkes were telling him. Not sparing her a single glance. And it didn't get any better. Her mother's owl arrived while Raven was sipping her coffee, but a Ministry owl beat was faster and dropped an official looking letter in her scrambled eggs.

_Oh great_, she thoughts, _being of age starts just brilliant, _and with pointed fingers, she fished a Licence to Apparate out of her food, stowing it away in the pockets of her robes. Then she focussed her attention on the family owl.

It carried a card with her parent's best wishes for her birthday and a strange key on a silver chain, but no explanation what it was good for. She turned it over in her hands and decided that its size spoke against it belonging to a Gringotts vault- besides, it looked too modern. But it wasn't a car key either.

All in all, it was quite frustrating. Of course, Raven wasn't expecting any expensive presents with her parents moving to Las Vegas and all the mess, but leaving her so clueless about that key was just not fair.

Severus walked into the Great Hall that morning, laughing over a joke Mulciber had just cracked- although it was neither funny nor intelligent, but never mind- when he realized that there was something he might have missed. He couldn't quite put his finger on what it was, so instinctively, he glanced over to the Gryffindor table, to where Lily was sitting. Immediately he lost appetite due to the sickening way the eyes of his most adored witch seemed to be glued to Potter's mouth, listening attentively to every word of nonsense he spoke.

_Arrogant toerag indeed_, he huffed, _why does she give _him_ a second (third, fourth...) chance if she wasn't willing to give me any at all?_ Desperately he wondered what had caused him to reconsider his decision and not join the Dark Lord. Voldemort promised power and recognition- why was he so daft to throw away a chance like that?

But then herecalled all the horrible pictures of genocide Raven had shown to him, and his eyes wandered from the Gryffindor table to that of his own respective house, just in time to see two owls struggling for air supremacy. The first one looked formal, from the Ministry perhaps- and then it suddenly dawned upon him.

It was Raven's birthday today, her coming of age!

_Oh no!_ Severus felt deeply ashamed for having forgotten that. He simply had to be more attentive when it came to the people he cared about, few as they were, and Raven had proven to be a fairly tolerable person to be around throughout the years. So what was he to do now? As great as magic was, he couldn't make a birthday present appear out of thin air.

"Congratulations, Lestrange."

_How did _he_ find out_? Raven wondered as she gingerly shook Regulus Black's hand. "Um... thanks."

"Now that you're of age, you will certainly throw a party?"

She almost laughed out loud. "Yeah, sure, I already invited Moaning Myrtle. Would you like to join us in her favourite bathroom for a dive in the toilet and some moping?"

When he glanced at her in bewilderment, she tried to make her point more brusquely. "As you might have realized, Black, I'm not very popular and therefore there won't be any party."

"But you..." He fell silent as he averted his eyes from her face to let his glance wander further south.

"It's so kind of you to notice I have tits- congrats on your astute power of observation- but that isn't spectacular amongst witches, and it certainly doesn't make me any more popular than I intend to be; so if you were hoping for free drinks tonight or getting intoxicated on my expense, I must sorely disappoint you."

Regulus Black bristled indignantly. "Merlin, I was only trying to be nice, but you're just as anti-social a git as Snape is."

"Why, thanks for the compliment." Raven chirped happily as she walked away, rolling her eyes. Why was it that always the wrong boys realized she was a girl, when she wasn't interested in anyone but Severus? Who hadn't even wished her a happy birthday yet.

Sometimes she really hated her life.

Not for very long, though, since Sev would never cease to amaze her.

He thought about it all day- he had to do something or she would forsake him just like Lily had done, and he knew he couldn't stand that. But what could he do to please her, to placate her?

Although he didn't care about her like he cared about Lily, she had nevertheless become a dear friend to him- as insufferable as she was sometimes- and the idea of losing her was a very scary one.

So he watched her throughout the day, trying to think up a strategy how he could possibly get back in her good books again, while failing to come up with the most simple solution- to give her a hug and say 'happy birthday.'

Instead, he kept following her around like a stalker, and he very nearly had a fit of jealousy when that preposterous little Black boy simple did what he should have long done. Fuming inwardly at the _nerve_ of his fellow house mate, who couldn't keep his eyes off her cleavage. It was disgusting, inappropriate... just as much as his very own thoughts had been the other day when he had almost kissed her, because her lips had looked so inviting and his body had reacted to hers (not for the first time) in a way that had nothing to do with friendship. And yet, he wasn't romantically interested in her. He loved Lily, always Lily.

_Enough of that_, he reprimanded himself, still thinking of a way to placate Raven before she decided to have enough of him. And then finally came up with a clever idea no pure-blood idiot like Black would ever consider.

Music was Might.

He would give her what she missed most at Hogwarts.

She smile happily when he sent her a note to meet him at Barnabas the Barmy's after dinner, so she almost ran up there to see him pacing nervously in front of the hidden door to the Room of Requirement.

They hadn't come here since the night of the John Peel session some month ago.

"Hi Sev!" Raven was about to throw her arms around her friend and hug him, but he held up a hand to stop her while focussing on what he wanted the room to appear.

The door opened to them and Severus released the sharp breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding when he heard some obviously Muggle music coming from a wireless. Everything was just like he intended it to be.

Her face, however, seemed to fall.

Severus didn't know that the high falsetto voices of the Bee Gees would always made her cringe, so he wondered what he'd done wrong now. To ease the mood, he produced a bottle of red wine from the pockets of his robes and handed it to her.

"I... um... I'm sorry I don't have a... _proper_... birthday present for you."

"Oh Sev," she sighed as she sank down on the sofa, making herself comfortable as the next song was much more to her liking, "don't worry about that."

Raven hadn't even expected him to buy her a present, because he never did. Her birthday was always after Lily's, so usually he was already broken at this time of the year, having spent his last Knut to buy _her_ something she didn't know to value anyway.

"You know, I'm glad we're finally spending some time together..."

"I cannot spent as much time with you as I wish!" He gruffly cut her off. "I have to- you know I have to keep up pretence."

She took a sip of her wine; it was elf-made, from Spain, and it tasted of sun-blessed grapes growing on rich red soil. "I'm aware of that, " reaching out she took his hand to give it a reassuring squeeze, "and I'm not angry with you, Sev. I understand why you're acting the way you do, that you have to get on with your house mates and pretend you agree with their ideals so Tom won't figure out you're trying to fool him. I just... well, sometimes I just miss you."

He arched a quizzical brow at her as he also drank a sip of wine. Although he disliked booze because it reminded him of his father going nuts, he nevertheless considered a good glass of wine acceptable on special occasions.

"Well, um... I'm here. I never went away."

Merlin, he was so clueless sometimes! Raven thought it cute and smiled at him while the radio was playing a sentimental love song.

"Don't ever go away," she whispered, then she cleared her throat and said, "Please be careful, Sev. I know you're only sort of dabbling with the Dark Arts, using spells and curses you created that aren't Ministry approved, and there's nothing wrong with it as far as I'm concerned. But... don't get me wrong, I'm not crying evil... it's just- well, I'm slightly worried.

"I'm worrying about you because, probably, there is an even darker side to the Dark Arts than we are aware of; a side that turned the once handsome boy Tom Riddle into the disfigured featured of Lord Voldemort... and I don't want you to become like him."

"You don't want me to become powerful and respected?"

"I want you to be respected and loved, Sev; not feared and looking gruesome."

He snorted at that, and she wanted to tell him how very handsome he was to her, but she feared he would snort again, not believing her at all. Besides, he was still in love with Lily Evans, who was so much prettier and also more popular than her, and she really didn't want to hear any of that. Not on her birthday.

The radio was playing a T Rex song now.

_...Ride a white swan like the people of the Beltane_

_Wear your hair long, babe you can't go wrong _

_Catch a bright star and a place it on your fore-head_

_Say a few spells and baby, there you go..._

_He's really a weird guy, that Marc Bolan_, Severus thought as he listened to the music while contemplating his conversation with Raven. It seemed to him as if she might actually consider him... well, not gruesome to look at. He knew though, that he was definitely not a looker. At least not in the common sense, not like the Malfoys and Blacks and Potters of this world. He wasn't as posh and decadent as Lucius, not as casually handsome as Black, and certainly not as athletic as Potter, the Quidditch champion. He was just a lowly half-blood from the dunghill of Spinners End... he wouldn't be loved for that. Therefore he had to make himself a reputation. He had to become a powerful wizard and...

Raven squeezed his hand again- he hadn't noticed she was still holding it until he stared at their entwined fingers; it was a nice feeling. He glanced up into her smiling face and detected a slight frown as though she seemed to know exactly what he'd been thinking about.

"Don't you want to be loved just for being yourself?"

Dear Merlin, she really was a bit naïve today, wasn't she? Did she ever look at him? He simply wasn't the being-loved-for-being-himself type of guy, as it was plain to see. He had nothing to offer and that's why Lily didn't love him...

_...Take a black cat and sit it on your shoulder_

_And in the morning you'll know all you know, oh..._

'I think you really should reconsider your relationship with her.'

_Wear a tall hat like a druid in the old days_

_Ride a white swan like the people of the Beltane..._

Was he hearing voices now? True, the Muggle had said Raven was a pretty one- and he was right with that. But what did he know about love to suggest that Severus should consider his relationship with her? They were friends. Best friends even, and he treasured that a lot. But to believe there could be more was just... absurd.

Because... well, because she was pretty, and no pretty witch would fall in love with him of all people, even if he wanted her to. Which he didn't... or did he?

He recalled the way her body had felt when she had knocked him down during their last Apparation lesson, how his body had reacted to her landing right on top of him, and how tempting her lips had looked... but he shoved those thoughts aside because she wasn't Lily, and it almost seemed like betraying the feelings he had for her when fantasizing about kissing Raven Lestrange...

_...Ride a white swan like the people of the Beltane_

_Wear your hair long, babe you can't go wrong... _

Severus was glad when that song ended and the wireless was playing something else.

The school year was slowly drawing to its end; there were only a few weeks left before the exams and the summer holidays. And since they always had a new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher every year, Raven was already beginning to miss Professor Steel, the most competent one so far. Nobody could top her, and she wished the American Auror would stay for at least one more year, but apparently that was not an option for Alice Steel.

Instead, she made it unmistakably clear that one year at Hogwarts was decidedly enough for her, even though she tried to prepare her students as good as possible for the months to come.

In one on their last lessons, they were talking about Dark Creatures again, summing up ways to characterise and defeat them.

They talked about Grindylows and all the lower magical creatures, but also about the Undead- ghouls and zombies, vampires, the differences between an Inferius, a ghost and a poltergeist. Raven, however, was much more interested in werewolves since she hadn't manage to figure out the mystery of why the Marauders weren't afraid of their werewolf friend. Unfortunately, she hadn't learned that much about werewolves yet. Skipping through her notes she realized that she didn't even know how to one either, so she raised her hand.

"Yes, Miss Lestrange?" Professor Steel called her up.

"Um, I must have forgotten to write it down," she said innocently while glancing surreptitiously in Lupin's direction, "since I can't seem to find any notes on how to kill a werewolf."

It was fun to see Lupin flinch, blanching visibly, while his Marauder friends were skidding nervously in their chairs. Raven smirked.

Professor Steel arched a curious brow at her. "Well, of course there are certain spells, but they are too advanced and therefore not suitable to teach in sixth year. So you haven't missed taking notes; you will just have to wait until Auror training."

Lupin released a barely audible sigh of relief.

"But," Professor Steel continued, "it is true, though, that most of the methods described in Muggle literature are indeed effective."

"Like silver bullets?" Raven asked, enjoying how uncomfortable Lupin and his friends were feeling at this topic. Severus was smiling ever so slyly.

"Indeed."

"Bullets? Isn't that what Muggle fire from their cannons?" A Slytherin girl chimed in.

"Well, Miss Crabbe, a silver cannon_ball_ would definitely take out any magical creature and blow it to pieces, but it would be terrifically expensive. Anyway, we were talking about _bullets_ as they are used in modern Muggle firearms..."

"I don't believe Muggles capable of killing a magical creature as mighty as a werewolf," Mulciber interjected, sneering at the very thought that Muggles could possibly be of any threat when they didn't possess any magical powers at all.

Professor Steel, however, begged to differ. "Do not underestimate the will of all human beings to stay alive, Mr Mulciber, as the human nature in general is prone to come up with things to ensure just that; and Muggles are very imaginative."

Most of the Slytherins laughed at that, but they fell silent again when Professor Steel continued with her lesson. The American Auror knew how to exercise control over her students; she had long earned their respect- even that of the Slytherins- due to her exceeding knowledge of the Dark Arts. Although they seemed to think that _Defence_ was a waste of time when they were keen on learning the Dark Arts instead

A bell chimed, marking the end of class, but the students waited for their Defence against the Dark Arts professor to dismiss them properly, usually by assigning a pile of homework that made them groan with frustration. Not today, though.

"Please read again chapters twenty to twenty-three in your textbooks and give me a short summary," she said, watching the students file out of the classroom before she stopped Raven from leaving. "Miss Lestrange, may I have a word with you, please?"

"Professor Steel?"

"Since we're alone now, Miss Lestrange, you might as well tell me all about your sudden interest in werewolves."

"I... um, I merely feared I missed to take notes of something that might be relevant in my upcoming exams," Raven replied evasively, but she should have known that that just wasn't enough to please Professor Steel.

"Miss Lestrange, we both know that this is not the only reason."

Raven couldn't possibly tell her, and probably she had said too much already. After all, she wasn't to know that one of her fellow students was a werewolf since Dumbledore had decided to keep that a secret. But the teachers would know, of course, and if she ever did as much as to indicate that she knew about it too, all the blame would be on Severus because he had had to promise Dumbledore to not tell anybody and... well, he hadn't broken his promise, hadn't _told_ her anything... and yet she knew.

"I can't tell you." Raven, insisted stubbornly.

"Don't you trust me?"

"I do, but..."

"I see," Professor Steel wasn't stupid and she wasn't slow on the uptake either; you had to be able to read between the lines if you want to be successful as an Auror. "Is it because you know something you are not supposed to know?"

"Well, I think that's probably one way of putting it. But nobody told me about it."

"A clever girl could have figured it out all on her onesies."

"Um... yes... indeed."

"Don't worry, I won't run to the headmaster and _tattle_. Dumbledore doesn't have to know everything, given that he is keeping his own secrets and I do not agree to all of them; he's not impeccable in his decisions."

Raven released the breath she had been holding.

"Ah, I guess I'm beginning to understand now... when I started my teaching career at Hogwarts last summer, I heard of an incident that happened some months earlier. Allegedly, Mr Potter saved a fellow student from danger-"

Raven snorted contemptuously.

"Merlin's hairy bollocks!" Professor Steel exclaimed as the scales fell from her eyes.

"Indeed." She glanced at the Auror, wondering if she should stake it all on one card and use this opportunity in order to find out why Potter and his cronies weren't afraid of a fully-fledged werewolf. "Professor Steel, is it somehow possible to tame a werewolf?"

"Decidedly not. Never. They will always be wild and dangerous beasts, ready to kill any human being that comes close to them."

Raven had already expected that answer, considering of what she had learned about werewolves. But there was still that one mystery she hadn't resolved yet. "It doesn't make sense. If I told you that there are people who aren't scared of meeting a werewolf at full moon, what would you say?"

"I'd say they are either utterly foolish or suicidal?"

"Here's to hoping it's the latter and that they'll succeed, but I shouldn't put my hopes up too high," Raven mumbled scathingly.

Professor Steel placed a hand on the girl's shoulder. "There isn't much I can do about it, I fear, although the Board of Governors should be informed." She noticed Raven flinching and hurried to add, "But I won't do that. No doubt Dumbledore will find a way to coax them into drawing the curtain over the whole affair, and in the end you're the one who's in trouble.

"I wish I could offer a more satisfying answer to your question, but at the moment I can't. I can only advise you to stay inside the castle at full moon. Keep to the rules and avoid any risks. When I'm back home, I'm going to peruse my private library, and if I find anything useful, I'll send it to you. We will keep in touch, Miss Lestrange."

Raven smiled at that; the American Auror was her favourite teacher and it was comforting to know that she just wouldn't vanish for good, that she actually wanted to stay in touch. It made saying goodbye so much easier.


	24. Personality Crisis

24 Personality Crisis

The train ride from Hogwarts to Kings Cross was a real pest this year, given that Raven had to sit in one compartment with Mulciber, Avery, Wilkes and Regulus Black. It meant she had to endure endless hours of blood-superiority nonsense, Gryffindor bashing, plus the general boasting of posh pure-bloods that were in desperate need to prove themselves or others that they were something special. Well, special they were indeed- especially stupid. The only one who was at least occasionally capable of uttering anything intelligent was Black.

Of course, no one had forced Raven to sit with the boys. There was just no other option if she wanted to enjoy Severus' company for as long as possible, since she wouldn't be seeing much of him during the summer break. Her mother had already announced that they would travel to America and meet her father, who was now working in Las Vegas. And Raven missed her dad.

So she had to bear with the likes of Mulciber and Avery, for the joy of being close to Severus. The alternatives were even more dreadful- she could either sit with the Slytherin girls of her year, or with the youngsters. And because neither way held the promise of a decent conversation, Raven could as well keep her mouth shut and her thoughts to herself, while at least being able to exchange meaningful glances with her best friend, knowing he didn't really approve of every word his fellow house mates said. All they could ever agree upon was the fact that bloody James Potter had once again snatched away the House Cup from Slytherin, where it should rightfully belong to.

Last year, he had earned an unexpected high amount of last minute points (praise the headmaster!) for having heroically saved a fellow student from grave danger, and this year, Mr Obnoxious Toerag had beaten the Slytherins with a spectacular, albeit slightly irregular Quidditch manoeuvre... life must be great if you were in the _right_ house...

"Isn't it disgusting how these commoners act in public?"

"Yes, mother," Regulus replied absent-mindedly as he watched the offending scene, but secretly he wished that his mother would give him the same warm welcome that Mrs Lestrange was giving her daughter. Squealing with joy, exchanging hugs and kisses.

"Abnormal blood-traitor filth," Walburga Black hissed in a scathing tone, "it's downright scandalous to imagine that witch attended Hogwarts with me. Of course, she wasn't in my house - Merlin beware- and what else to expect of a Hufflepuff but to sink deep even deeper."

"Yes, mother."

She slightly smacked the back of his head as she caught him still staring at that scum. "Regulus Arcturus Black, don't ever lower your standards by wasting a glance at those who are far below us. Remember, you are a Black! You are the sole heir of a bloodline so pure-"

"Hello, _dear_ mother!" Her other son said in a mocking tone as he walked by, following James Potter to the exit.

Mrs Black very nearly had a heart attack. "Oh... oh, that ungrateful... _failure_! I cannot believe I really gave birth to such a disappointment." She turned to Regulus, regarding him with approval. You, however, you make us proud. I took the liberty of arranging a small social gathering for your sixteenth birthday, and I invited some very promising young witches of flawless blood-status."

Regulus nodded, not knowing what to say. He knew what was expected from him- he was supposed to find a suitable witch and sire many little Blacks to ensure the survival of the most noble and ancient House of Black. Well, he didn't mind to finally get laid , but he was still much too young to get married any time soon.

"Kreacher will take you home. I have to go to that charity event at the Ministry, and your father is meeting with Abraxas Malfoy." With that Mrs Black spun around and was gone, and Regulus Black was still standing at platform nine and three quarters, feeling a little frustrated. He had hoped that mother would at least enquire about his OWLs, but then again academic success had never mattered that much to her. And to be honest, he didn't really need good marks to get a decent job. Actually, he didn't even need a job at all, because he was a Black.

"Master Regulus," something croaked in a bullfrog voice from somewhere further down. "Kreacher is here to serve, good Master Regulus."

"Kreacher!" Regulus glanced around to make sure no one was watching him, before he reached out to gingerly pat the bald head of an ugly old house-elf. "So good to see you."

"Kreacher is very glad that Mistress its good son is back. Let Kreacher take you home now. Mistress not wants you to look at lowly blood-traitor scum."

"I know. But she's hot, isn't she?"

"If Master wants hot, Kreacher makes tea for good Master Regulus."

Although tea was not what Regulus had in mind, he let the old house-elf take him home. But before he shook his head at Snape's stupidity. _Merlin, he really is a daft nerd! _Instead of pining for that Gryffindor Mudblood, he should realize that Lestrange fancied him (for whatever reasons ever) and she was at least a Slytherin... albeit of questionable blood-status.

Nigella Lestrange let go of her daughter when she started wriggling in her embrace.

"Mum, will you finally tell me what's with that key?" Raven nagged impatiently since not knowing what it was good for was almost killing her. She wanted answers and she wanted them now.

"Yes, darling. All in good time. First, I want to say hello to Severus. So, how are you, my dear boy?"

"Um..." He had been watching Lily's interaction with her parents and had decided he would try again to get back in her good books during the summer. She couldn't possibly be still angry at him after all that time. "I'm fine."

_I still have two weeks until my traineeship with Professor O'Flaherty starts- that should be time enough to talk to Lily and apologise..._

"Would you care to come to dinner with us?" Mrs Lestrange asked, interrupting his thoughts, and since Lily and her parents were leaving anyway, Severus focused his full attention on Raven's mother now .

"No, thank you, Mrs... er, Nigella. I'd prefer to go straight home." _Home- _it sounded strange since he had never felt at home where his parents lived, and he wasn't exceptionally keen on seeing them either. But it was close to where Lily lived and he really, really had to talk to her without Potter sneaking around.

"Take care, Severus." Nigella said with a warm smile before she took a step backwards so Raven could give him a proper goodbye- she wouldn't be seeing him for a couple of weeks and Nigella knew how much her daughter liked the boy.

Raven was excited and just a little sad all the same. She was excited, because soon the mystery of the key would be solved, and sad because she would travel to America the morning after. Of course, she was very much looking forward to see her dad again, but on the other hand she already missed Severus. How had she managed to survive previous summer holidays without him? It seemed to be getting worse and worse with each and every year she was secretly in love with him.

If only she could tell him how she was feeling about him!

If only she wouldn't be so fucking scared of hearing that he'd only ever love Lily, thank you very much and let's stay friends. It was so very frustrating. Usually, she wasn't that shy and insecure. Usually, she was straightforward...

Raven blinked twice when her mother Apparated her to a street in central London, not far away from Charing Cross Road and Diagon Alley. The houses in that street were old, and most of them had a shop or a pub in the basement, but not every shop or pub looked entirely Muggle. Apparently it was one of the streets in London where the Muggle met the wizarding world and they all lived together in blissful ignorance of the other one.

Nigella crossed the street and walked towards a house that held a small bookshop in the basement. Esoteric stuff, Raven concluded after a first glance in the display window. But a second glance revealed that some of the books were of magical origin.

"Are we going to buy some new books?"

"No," her mother laughed as she opened the door that led inside the house, wondering if her usually so clever daughter was really that clueless. They climbed up the staircase to the second floor, where Nigella stopped in front of a red-painted door. "You may use your key now."

"Aw!" Raven squealed excited as she unlocked the door. It opened to a two-room flat with a large kitchen, dominated by an imposing fireplace although it was otherwise furnished in a more modern way. Taking a good look around, she noticed that all of her belongings were already there, from her bed over her sofa to her lava-lamps and all her records stored away in boxes...

It was probably only then that she realized her childhood had ended; it was packed up in boxes.

"Mum?" With wide eyes and quivering lips she stared at her mother. _What happened to our house?_ she wanted to ask, if that question had sounded less stupid in her mind. She had known it ever since her dad had accepted that job in Las Vegas that her life would change dramatically.

"Darling, of course you can still come to America with us if you don't like this place or might have changed your mind about staying in Britain. Daddy has bought us a nice spacious house in the outskirts of Vegas, and there will always be a lovely room reserved for you. You could also finish your education at the Salem Witches Institute in the States..."

"Salem Witches?" Raven cut in. "What about the wizards?"

"There are none at the Salem Witches Institute- but I've been told it is quite a decent school..."

"No boys? Mum!" Now she sounded truly scandalized, "You cannot possibly intend to send me to a nunnery!"

Nigella rolled her eyes and wondered if that might have been for the better, given that her darling daughter was mightily influenced by the spirit of 68 and the sexual freedom of the 70's. She still remembered Raven at the age of fifteen, asking her in all earnesty whether Muggle or wizarding methods of contraception were more effective. Then, she had wanted to reply that abstinence was definitely the most effective method...but at long last she had changed her mind, knowing that she couldn't stop her daughter anyway- and she considered herself much too young to become a grandmother yet.

"Oh Raven," she sighed, "although you're of age now, you will always be my little girl. So please endure with your old mother's need to pamper you. Of course, I want to keep you close by, but I also know that eventually, I have to let go. That's why Dad and I decided to rent this flat, since you will need a place to stay when you start your Auror training next year."

Wordlessly, Raven hugged her mother and didn't let go for a long time, not knowing what to say. The situation was just as wonderful as it was... _scary_. On the one hand, she was feeling quite mature now that she was of age, and that part of her was doing a happy dance because she had her very own place to stay- on the other hand, she was only seventeen years old, still a teenager, and her parents would soon be far away on the other side of a big ocean, and she already knew that she would miss them tremendously. Mum had always been the one she could run to with all of her problems... and Dad was just her rock...

Nigella breathed a gently kiss on her daughter's head. "Now, now darling, no need to cry. After all, we will only be a phone call away."

"I know." Raven wiped her eyes and looked around again. There was indeed a telephone installed in the hall, but there was also that big fireplace. "Can I also give you a Floo call?"

"Well, only in case of emergency," her mother said, stroking her hair. "Although your fireplace is connected to the international Floo network, I would advise you to not make use of it. Floo calls can be monitored by the Ministry and not all wizards and witches there are to be trusted since You-know-who has friends in high places..."

"Am I right to assume that we won't be using a Portkey to Las Vegas either, just for the very same reasons?"

"You are right, my dear. We will take the plane to New York tomorrow morning. I... I just want to be on the safe side, Raven."

Raven didn't mind going by plane since she was far better used to Muggle ways of transport than to magical ones, and Portkey travel in particular made her always feel a little sick. But what worried her more was her mother's apparent fear that Voldemort's influence could possibly reach across the borders of wizarding Britain, or that he could sent some of his thugs overseas just to harm her dad- only because he had dared to marry the love of his life, a pure-blood witch.

Nigella was rubbing Raven's back before she gave it a gentle slap. "Come on now, my darling, let's go out for dinner. There is quite a decent Chinese restaurant just down the road."

Severus hated being back at Spinner's End the very moment he Apparated into the backyard of his parents house and heard them shouting at each other. Then a door slammed shut. Assuming that his father had just left for the nearest pub, he took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen to greet his mother.

"If you want dinner, there are loads of ghastly vegetables in this cooling thing. You're of age now, you can take care of yourself. I'm not your house-elf." With that she walked past him and up the staircase to her bedroom, where she slammed the door.

_Now what a lovely welcome_,_ dear mother, _Severus thought sarcastically. _And you should have at least learned by now that the _cooling thing_ is a refrigerator..._

He didn't mind to prepare his own meals_, _neither had he expected an overly warm welcome since there was no warmth at Spinner's End. Here, there was only misery.

Although he wasn't hungry, he nevertheless took a glance into the fridge and was surprised. Apparently father still had his job at the grocery, and despite his mother's words the vegetables didn't look 'ghastly' at all. Munching on a carrot, he quietly made his way up the stairs to his own room. He needed to come up with a plan how to win back Lily's favour.

Just like last summer, Severus went to their favourite place by the river almost every day. It was there that he had told her all about the wizarding world and he could still recall how her angelic face had lit up in wonder. 'Tell me more, Severus,' she had always begged him- then, when he had still been her best friend.

But Lily didn't come here anymore. Neither did she take a walk by the river or visit the playground any longer. Different children were playing there now. And wasn't it funny how small the swings were looking nowadays? It seemed as if an eternity had passed since he had seen her for the first time. Innocent kids had grown into embittered teenagers, just like those that were hanging around at the playground after dark now, drinking and smoking. A new generation of losers without a future.

Speaking of losers- something else had also changed, and that really was a strange thing. Father didn't seem to be drinking that much these days. Tobias Snape appeared to be healthier and in a much better shape than only one year ago. Of course, that didn't make him a more pleasant person.

Severus had to admit that he had long given up wondering about his parents' warped relationship. Why they didn't file for a divorce was beyond him, since they were both so obviously unhappy in their marriage that keeping it up made no sense to him. All they ever did was argue, and mostly Severus had no clue what they were fighting about now.

It would have been so easy to blame it all on father, the damnable Muggle. But it wasn't that easy. Father wasn't the only one to blame for his miserable family life; mother was just as guilty. Severus tried to remember her ever smiling at him but failed. She seemed to be more of a sullen nature, always complaining, always nagging. Even though father was bringing home food now, that still wasn't good enough for her.

"Stuff those abominable vegetables up your sorry behind; I am not going to eat that foreign stuff," she yelled, calling him a filthy Muggle.

More often than not, father would simply leave the house without any further argument nowadays. Sometimes he stopped at the door to glance in Severus' direction as if he was actually considering to ask him to come along, but in the end he always shook his head, slammed the door, and was gone for hours.

Severus wondered if the doors were probably spelled to endure that constant mistreatment. What was so wrong with using the handle to close them? But no, doors in his home were never closed in a decent way, they were always slammed shut with a loud BANG!

When he was young, mother had been his only confidant. She had told him how special he was because he was a wizard, and that he was so much better than all the _scum_ that surrounded them. For a very long time, he had believed her. He had run to her when those horrible Muggle kids in primary school had bullied him because he was different, and she had consoled him with the words that one day he would be a mighty wizard and therefore superior to them. Severus still wanted to become a mighty wizard, but he didn't believe in pure-blood superiority any more. Actually, he had stopped believing in that the very day he had first met Lily Evans.

Lily! He missed her so that he took on watching the Evanses' house, hoping to catch a glimpse of Lily, to see her red hair sparkling in the sunlight. One day, he even followed her around when she went shopping with her mother, but he didn't dare to speak to her given that she wasn't alone.,

At nights, it was even worse. Lying sleeplessly on his much too small bed, feeling lonely in this quiet, unfriendly house, he knew he was wasting his time. He was wasting away day after day, hoping beyond hope that things were different between Lily and him, while he should have read books on potions to be well-prepared for his upcoming traineeship at St Mungo's. It seemed as if the misery of Spinner's End was wearing him down, dulling his mind.

He received a letter from Raven, posted at Heathrow Airport, telling him all about her new flat in London and that her flight to _you-know-where _was being delayed (he knew she was visiting her father in Las Vegas but it was safer to be vague about her destination), and that she would write to him again when she was there.

His heart seemed to skip a beat at the sight of her familiar handwriting, so neat and yet so bold, and he realized that he actually missed her. She had become such a steady element in his life.. such a good friend. And that night, after reading her letter again, Severus also came to realize that living in the Muggle world was so much wore endurable when there was music...

… _the bubbling tranquillity of lava lamps in her room, the record player turning 'round and 'round in circles as steady and everlasting as the perpetual course of the earth around the sun... the sound of strumming guitars, the beat of a drum..._

He would never admit though, that he secretly wished for a record player. Merlin, beware. There were nights, however, when he would silently sneak down the stairs to the living room, careful to not wake his parents, and turn on the old radio.

It was on one of these nights that he finally gathered the courage to give things a direct approach. He had wasted enough time and his traineeship would start the day after tomorrow. So he penned down a note for Lily, telling her that he had to talk to her. Then he left the house to put it in her postbox.

The next day, Severus woke up to find the house unusually empty- which was strange since mother was always there, sulking around all day, muttering things under her breath. Not this day, however. She was gone and he quite liked the idea when he made himself a cup of tea, idly watching how the summer sun tried to cast its light through the dirty windows.

All of a sudden, the telephone was ringing.

Severus almost dropped his cup of tea. He had believed the line was dead due to unpaid bills, and because it never rang. Gingerly, he took up the receiver.

"Welcome to the wonderful Snape residence..."

"I want you to leave me alone!"

"Lily!" At the sound of her voice, he did drop his cup of tea and watched it shatter into a thousand pieces without really paying attention to it. Lily was on the phone! And although she didn't sound pleased, at least she had replied to his note, which was almost encouraging.

"Leave me alone, Snape."

"Listen... Lily, I'm... I wanted to tell you how very sorry I am and..."

"Save your breath! I told you before and I'm telling you now for the very last time- I'm through with you. You haven't changed at all. You're still hanging around with all these future Death Eaters, although you know how much I detest them. You've chosen your way. So once and for all- leave. me. alone."

"But Lily, I-"

_Click._

"I can explain," Severus whispered to the monotone _beep-beep-beep_ that was coming from the receiver. Lily had simply hung up before he'd had a chance to defend himself and explain it to her.

Feeling beaten and broken-hearted, he retreated to his room and sat down on his bed. Staring into space for a long time.

Lily had made it unmistakably clear that she didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore.

But if he had thought that things couldn't possibly get any worse, Severus was soon being told a different lesson.

He woke up from a nap he hadn't planned taking and heard his parents yelling at each other again. Oh, he was so sick and tired of their constant fighting over nothing that he got up to tell them to fucking shut up. But when he reached the top of the staircase, he immediately noticed that something was... _different..._ today. Surprised, he stared at his mother's drawn wand, aimed threateningly at father, who was staring at her with eyes full of shock, trembling slightly at her imposing figure. And she did look terrifying indeed; her face was contorted with pure hatred as her words were getting louder.

"YOU FILTHY SCUM OF A MUGGLE!" She yelled infuriated. "How dare you? You will not leave me! Not for that Italian slut!"

"Don't ye ever call Anna a slut, witch! She's a decent an carin' woman, unlike ye!"

"You BASTARD got me pregnant and made me pay for that mistake. I had to live in this dunghill of Muggle scum for years. I wasted away my life for you and your ungrateful offspring, so stop talking about divorce."

"But ye don't give a shit 'bout me!"'

Eileen laughed out loud and it almost sounded hysterically. "Of course I don't love you- you're a stinking piece of Muggle shit! But you won't divorce me! I am a Prince! I stem from one of the finest and oldest families, and I will not tolerate your adulterous ways!"

_Father found himself a lady-love?_ Severus wondered surprised

"See, we're no good match- what's so fuckin' wrong with a divorce then? Get rid of yer stinkin' useless Muggle!."

"Oh, that I will! AVADA-"

"NO!" Severus yelled as he raced down the last stairs to prevent the worst from happening by pushing Tobias Snape out of the line of that deadly Unforgivable Curse.

"Get out of the way, boy!" Eileen hissed. "Let me finish him off!"

Dear Merlin- she was totally nuts. Severus drew his wand to keep her at bay. He didn't want mother to kill father and end up in Azkaban for using an Unforgivable Curse- there were more... _subtle_... methods. Besides, he didn't understand why she was so unwilling to consider a divorce.

Outside in the streets, the siren of a Muggle police car was getting louder. The car seemed to slow down, a blue light cast flickering shadows on the walls; then it sped up again and drove past the Snape's house.

Tobias was hiding behind his son, shaking all over. "Oh, my boy. My dear, dear boy. My good boy."

Severus was disgusted. He hadn't saved Tobias because he was such a loving father. He had... well, he didn't know why he had done it. There was no way he could ever forget all the beating, the verbal abuse... on the other hand, he also recalled the very day father had taken him to see a Manchester City match, so many years ago...

Why was the house suddenly teeming with Aurors and Hit Wizards? He hadn't called them. Perhaps one of the neighbours had called the Muggle police and the Ministry had sent their own Law Enforcement team?

Did it matter anyway?

Severus only wanted to get away from this madness.

Later, he didn't even remember how he had gotten to London. He must have Apparated there- after having been questioned about the recent events over and over again. After the Aurors had taken his mother to... _Azkaban? _

Now he was aimlessly strolling the nightly streets of London, feeling lost and lonely, with no place to go. Lily had dumped him once again, with full force. His parents had just had their final battle. Raven was in Las Vegas... and he had no other friends. He could hardly show up at Mulciber, Avery or Malfoy's doorstep, begging for _understanding_. How pathetic the very idea sounded.

To make things worse, it started to rain. It was just a slight drizzle but it was definitely obstinate enough to soak him to the bones. Cold neon lights were causing blotches of blurred colour on the wet streets- why was he being so stupid? He could as well join the ranks of the Dark Lord now ... perhaps it wasn't such a bad idea at all. Actually, it was quite an easy thing to do. No more worries, no more fears of getting found out for faking support. No more living at Spinner's End. Why was he so adamantly against joining the Death Eater? True, he didn't believe in their blood-superiority nonsense. But he could nevertheless accept the chance Lord Voldemort was offering him on a silver tray; the chance to become a wizard of importance, of fame and recognition in this new world the Dark Lord promised.

A door opened to his left, spilling out a group of Muggles. All dressed to the nines in bell-bottoms and absurdly flashing colours. They were laughing as they scampered down the street to the nearest tube stations, totally unaware of the wizard lurking in the shadows, thinking about joining an organisation that would love to dispose of them in a lethal way.

In his mind's eye, Severus saw pictures of Hiroshima and shook his head.

The door was still standing ajar. Now he could hear the music, the raw and wild tunes coming from the basement. There was a staircase leading down to a club, and he noticed it was the same club he had been to on New Year's Eve, with Raven. For reasons he didn't know, he entered and gingerly walked down the stairs. Fortunately he was wearing his Muggle clothes.

A Punk rock band was playing at a small stage.

He still refused to call that music, and yet he stopped transfixed, staring at the scene, watching those kids (they couldn't possibly be older than he) on stage. Although they were hardly able to handle their musical instruments, probably not even knowing a single note either, it nevertheless stirred something deep within him.

Their music was dissonant and very loud- all screeching guitars, the hard beat of a drum, a singer who rather screamed... screamed out his anger, his frustration. And all of a sudden, the anger that Severus was harbouring seemed to subside as if it was taken away by the raw energy of their songs. They were singing about a lost generation with no future, because they were the scum of Muggle society and they knew it. They knew they might never have a chance in life, and yet they screamed it out loud, for everyone to hear, as if they were even proud of it.

It was then that Severus understood- _your future is what _you_ make of it. Look at these boys, they don't wallow in self- pity because life is treating them unkind. No, they took their instruments, they went on this stage, and they started playing. They believe in what they are doing and they are taking their chance. Perhaps, one day, they will become famous and sell a lot of records. And even if they fail, at least they tried to rock the world with their rebellious tunes..._

He rolled his eyes at his own imbecility for actually considering to join Lord Voldemort as soon as things got out of control, as if the Dark Lord would offer a sensible solution for his problems. Merlin, _Professor O'Flaherty_ himself had offered him a traineeship at St Mungo's potions research department! And the traineeship started- oh shit!- tomorrow already...

_Well_, he mused sardonically, _at least I'm already in the right town; I merely have to stay up all night..._

If he managed to not cock it up completely, he might actually get accepted as an apprentice for the coming year, and then he would become an esteemed potions master one day...

"You play in a band?"

A girl's voice was interrupting his thoughts, and he blinked to stare at her. She was quite a pretty Muggle girl with spiky orange hair. Was she really talking to him? "I beg your pardon?"

She laughed and repeated herself. "You play in a band?"

Severus shook his head in the negative. "No, I don't play any music instrument."

"Guess, you're a singer then, 'cause you've got a great speaking voice."

"Um... no."

The girl shrugged. "Anyway- you want a drink?"

Dear Merlin, was she really trying to chat _**him**_ up? She must be quite intoxicated already.

Meanwhile, the band had played their last song and left the stage. A diskjockey was taking over now, playing songs that Raven would have liked. Severus was looking in his direction to avoid staring at the girl or having to answer her question. Although he was kind of thirsty, he definitely didn't want to drink any alcoholic beverage and he doubted she would approve of him saying that a glass of water was acceptable.

Giving the diskjockey a second glance, Severus realized he actually knew that man. He was the owner of Raven's favourite record store, John- no, Jeff... Jeffrey was his name. Severus decided to flee the rather uncomfortable situation with the girl in order to say hello to Jeffrey. After all, it was a polite thing to do, greeting someone you're familiar with.

Jeffrey was a plain looking Muggle with bad teeth, long brown hair, and a quite prominent beer-belly. He was also a nice guy for he beamed at Severus (showing his bad teeth), remembering him being Raven's friend.

"Hi- it's Severus, isn't it? So good to see you again."

He didn't need to use Legilimency to know that Jeffrey meant exactly what he said; the man had such an open face, totally incapable of hiding his emotions even if his very life depended on it. It was hard to not like Jeffrey.

"Is there anything you want to hear?"

Severus shook his head. He wasn't that familiar with Muggle music to have any preferences, but he liked the records Jeffrey was playing. Of course, they were soon talking about Raven and how she might be faring in Las Vegas. Obviously she had told her Muggle friends of her whereabouts although she hadn't told them the real reason of why her father had left Britain... and it definitely sounded believable that he had simply accepted a promising offer in Las Vegas. Besides, there was still the Statute of Security to be kept, even if anyone had believed the truth about a Dark Lord threatening the lives of blood-traitors and their spouses...

"You alright?" Jeffrey asked when Severus was becoming more and more monosyllabic, apparently lost in thoughts. He was now playing the last song of the evening.

"Yeah, sure." Severus lied as he watched people ordering their last drinks, wondering how to pass time until he was supposed to report at St Mungo's for his traineeship. It was only 3 AM now and he had to be there at 7. He began to wish he hadn't left Spinner's End so head over heels, so awfully _unprepared _and penniless; he didn't even have a single Knut...

"What's wrong, Severus?"

Although he liked Jeffrey, he wasn't that close with him to tell him that his mother had tried to kill his father with an Unforgivable Curse.

"Problems at home?" Jeffrey inquired sympathetically.

"Indeed," Severus replied.

"Ah, so you ran away and now you have no place to stay for tonight?"

"That would describe the situation quite correctly," Severus mumbled.

Jeffrey surprised him with unique goodness. "Well, don't worry 'bout that. If you've got no place to go, you can kip on my sofa."

"I don't want to be a burden," Severus said after thoroughly considering this generous offer. He was tempted to simply accept it.

"Nonsense, you're no burden, mate."

They took a cab to Jeffrey's place, which was in the same building as his record shop. But where the shop ended and the flat began, Severus couldn't tell because there seemed to be records everywhere. Crossing the shop, they entered a back room stuffed with unpacked boxes (containing records), then they walked up a staircase to a room filled with shelves full of records. Apparently that was Jeffrey's private collection, and it was vast. Posters showing Muggle singers or bands covered the walls.

"You can crash there," Jeffrey said, pointing to a slightly threadbare sofa. Nevertheless, it looked quite inviting to Severus, who had already feared he would have to start his traineeship after a sleepless night of wandering the streets of London.

"Thank you. I... I'll leave early anyway. My traineeship starts at seven."

Jeffrey wondered briefly why a boy- who was willing to do a traineeship during his summer holidays- could possibly have problems with his parents. Then he put on a record, as if he simply couldn't be without music, before he bade Severus good night and retreated to his own bedroom.

Professor O'Flaherty shot Severus a glance of disapproval when his trainee showed up the next morning. He was on time, that wasn't the problem, but the boy was looked quite dishevelled with his unkempt hair and wrinkled-up Muggle clothes in which he had probably slept. Merlin, he wasn't hiring tramps at St Mungo's!

Handing out working robes to him, O'Flaherty remembered to approach the boy about matters of personal hygiene later. First of all, and that was more important to him, he wanted to see his brewing skills.

"Get changed and meet me in the lab in five minutes."

Severus entered the lab exactly three and a half minutes later, so keen was he to see St Mungo's famous potions research laboratory. He walked through the door- and stopped in awe, totally overwhelmed.

Of course he knew that the potions lab at Hogwarts couldn't possibly compete with a big, professional one, but he hadn't expected it to look like a housewife's kitchen in comparison either. Potioneers were scurrying around, stirring potions, cutting ingredients. Multicoloured fumes were rising from cauldrons of all sizes, but strangely the air wasn't smelly nor did the fumes cloud it.

There were endless meters of working benches, an armada of mortars, short knives, long knifes, knives made of all kinds of different material. There was also a large number of strange instruments he had never seen before.

Severus was lost in reverie about what he could accomplish in a laboratory like this.

"Mr Snape, I want you to brew a burn-healing paste. Can you do that?"

He felt as if he'd just been thrown off cloud nine, back down to earth. Burn-healing paste- even a third year could brew that! He had hoped for something more challenging. "Um... sir, do you want me to stick to Borage's instructions? Or would you prefer something more potent, as mentioned in Hipworth' _New Encyclopedia of Potions for Medical Purposes_? I mean, there are different levels of burn-healing paste."

Professor O'Flaherty nodded approvingly given that the boy didn't only know that there were different levels of burn-healing paste, he also seemed to be far ahead in reading for someone who had just passed his sixth Hogwarts year.

Most of the day went by in a haze. Severus was so focused on his brewing that he missed lunch, and he only looked up from his cauldron when O'Flaherty approached him, slamming down a copy of the Daily Prophet on the working bench.

"You should have told me."

Severus counted to seven, then added three counter-clockwise stirs and put the stirring rod away. Whatever it was that O'Flaherty thought he should have told him, it couldn't be as important as finishing his potion. He glanced at the professor and from his face to the copy of the Daily Prophet.

_Oh shit!_

_DOMESTIC DRAMA!_

_WITCH TRIED TO KILL HER MUGGLE HUSBAND!_

O'Flaherty had intended to give his trainee a lesson in appearance- working at St Mungo's meant as well to represent it, and you couldn't do that looking sloppy. He changed his mind during lunch break, though, when he read about an attempted murder of a witch on her Muggle husband in the _Daily Prophet_. Usually, he wouldn't pay any heed to sensation-seeking stories like that, if not for a familiar name: Snape. And even if only half of the article was true, he realized that his young trainee must have had quite a traumatic experience yesterday. He had seen his mother trying to kill his father and he had saved him from an Unforgivable Spell. That, of course, excused his dishevelled appearance this morning.

"I'm sorry, sir-"

"Don't be," O'Flaherty cut him off. "You should have owled me to postpone your start of traineeship. Given the circumstances you would have found me quite understanding indeed."

"It never crossed my mind to postpone the valuable opportunity you are giving me, sir. Not because of these... _unfortunate_ events."

"Very well, I want you to go home now and sort things out. And when you show up here tomorrow morning, I want you to be combed and decently dressed. Did I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir." Severus replied, but his mind was more on the fact that he was allowed to come back tomorrow, that he would still be working in this most wonderful laboratory. "Sir, would you like to take a look at my burn-healing paste ? I thought... in order to make it more potent, I added-"

"We will talk about it tomorrow." O'Flaherty said as he took a sample of the burn-healing paste and with that, Severus was dismissed.

Severus was only returning to Spinner's End to gather his belongings, which wasn't a lot. Just a few clothes, his books... and the few Galleons he had saved from writing essays for Avery and Mulciber, so packing was an easy thing. A flick of his wand and all his things flew into his trunk. It was good to finally be able to use magic in this house.

He hadn't expected to run into his father; he was probably still at work. But when he had just descended the staircase with his trunk, the entrance door opened. Tobias Snape stood in the doorway.

"Severus!" He almost beamed at his son, but his smile faded when he noticed the trunk. "Where 're ye going?"

"Why do you care?" Severus snapped in lack of a better answer. To be honest, he didn't know where to go. He hoped he had enough Galleons to rent a room at the Leaky Cauldron for at least a couple of days, and after that, he could still reconsider his dilemma. There was just no way to stay in this house.

"Ye... ye don't have to leave, ye know," father mumbled, averting his eyes. "Ye can stay here... I mean, this is yer home..."

Severus only sneered at that.

"… and perhaps yer mother comes back- well, I dunno how they handle things like that in yer world, but-"

"_They_ will send her to prison," Severus cut in. "The penal system of the wizarding world doesn't differ much from that of the Muggle world, and an attempted murder is an attempted murder in both."

_Unless you're a Gryffindor, that is_... he thought bitterly, recalling Black's prank..

"Aye," slowly, Tobias nodded his head, apparently lost in thoughts for a moment. Then he looked at his son. "Ye saved me life, boy."

"Indeed. I'm not keen on watching people die."

"Um... thanks."

Before the situation could become even more awkward, a woman brushed past Tobias and approached Severus, smiling brightly at him as she extended her hand in greeting. .

"Ciao, you must be Severus, Tobi's bambino. So nice to meet you, Tobi told me a lot about you and how you saved his life last night. I'm so grateful for that. And perhaps you think I'm a horrible person because I came here today, with Tobi, but let me assure you that it was never my intention to break apart a family. Mamma Mia, I'm so sorry for all the mess... Oh, by the way, I'm Anna. Anna Bertolli. I own the grocery down the road, fine Italian food. You know, I'm Italian."

"Oh," was all Severus managed to say as he stared at the Muggle woman, ignoring her extended hand. He didn't really intend to be rude, he was just slightly taken aback..

Anna was a comely woman, as dark-haired and dark-eyed as mother, but that was about the only thing they had in common. While his mother was tall and slim, of aristocratic features, Anna was short and rather plumb, with rosy cheeks and full lips. But she radiated warmth... the promise of being well-cared for, like she would never hesitate to cook her family a good dinner or bring father his slippers after a hard day at work. She was the total opposite of Eileen Prince.

"Boy, ye don't have to leave," Tobias sounded almost pleading now. "Let's talk things over. Ye can come home with Anna and me."

"Si," Anna said, "I make the best spaghetti alla puttanesca. You are always welcome, mio caro ragazzo."

Severus shook his head. Yes, he was hungry, but he was too overtaxed with the situation to play happy family with father's new love now. Mind, it was alright with him that father had left mother for Anna, and he even wished them a happy life- he simply didn't want to participate in that. And he also didn't want to talk about last night.

"If you change your mind," Anna smiled at him as she handed him a card with her address and phone number.

Carelessly, Severus stuffed it in his pockets. Then he left Spinner's End without saying good-bye. He was done here.

* * *

_thanks to my lovely betas, hypnotic ink and Alabaster Princess_

_I love reviews!  
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	25. Happy House

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25- Happy House

Severus left the building after a long day of brewing potions for Professor O'Flaherty and was met by Raven, who was waiting for him at the entrance. It was so good to see her that his heart almost skipped a beat.

She was American tanned, dressed in a low cut and much too short summer dress, but she looked like summer itself. For the first time in many days, he noticed that indeed the sun was shining.

Some of his co-brewers wolf-whistled when they spotted her. Raven, however, paid them no heed.

"Sev!" She exclaimed as she flung herself at him. "I missed you so very much!" Throwing her arms around his neck, she hugged him tightly.

"Lucky devil," one of his co-workers mumbled, before he salaciously cheered, "Hey Snape, have a good night!"

"I'm so sorry for what happened, for not being there for you; I read about it in the _Daily Prophet-_ you can also get in in America, although it's already outdated when they get it there, but Mum buys it anyway, because she sort of wants to stay in touch with the events over here. I tried to call you a couple of times, to hear if you're alright, but no one answered the phone at your house. What happened Sev?"

Extensive babbling was a phenomena all women seemed to have in common, he thought. "Well, you read it all in the papers."

"It was the _Daily Prophet_! We both know how much they like to twist the truth for sensation-seeking headlines. Please tell me what really happened."

He wasn't keen on talking about it, so he gave her a short summary. "Mother had a fit when father told her he wanted to leave her for an Italian grocery shop owner, so she tried to kill him but failed. Her trial will be in ten days. My presence is required since I'm the only eye-witness."

"That's so horrible... but you did save him, didn't you? At least that's what the papers said. So did you alert the Aurors? And how is your father faring?"

Severus shrugged. "He left to be with his mistress and since I'm of age, I don't give a damn."

"But where are you staying now?"

"For the time being, at the Leaky Cauldron-"

"Oh Sev," she cut him off, sounding exasperated, "you silly, silly boy! Didn't I tell you I've got a flat in London now? You could've stayed there. All you ever had to do was give me a call. There was no need for you to shove all your money down the innkeeper's throat."

"Given the situation, I most definitely didn't have money to waste on a phone call to America of all places." All of a sudden, anger flared up within him. "Don't you know how expensive that is?"

"Sure- or why did you think I told you to make a bloody R-Call if you're in need of a friend?"

Anger rose it's ugly head and struck. "I don't need you to hold my hand all the time, thank you very much. I'm perfectly fine on my own, Lestrange. There really is no need for you to mother me."

"Great, be a complete git if you really have to! I'm sorry for worrying about you. After all, it just happens on a daily routine that someone's mother tries to kill someone's father and you're in the middle of it. Of course it doesn't matter to me if you've got no place to go now or-"

"I'm sorry," Severus muttered, sounding sheepish.

"Are you? Does that also mean you will stop behaving like an insufferable git now? Well then, let's go out for dinner somewhere; I'm starving. And after that, we'll move your stuff to my place. It's big enough for the two of us."

"Raven, I'm not a charity case..."

"Good to know," Raven replied, smirking at him as she simply gave him another hug, "because I'm not a bloody charity lady. I just see no point in you spending your money for a room at the Leaky Cauldron when you could as well help me pay my rent. I'm not a house elf either, so I expect you to help with the household chores and fill the fridge on regular turns."

It sounded sensible to him, so he agreed to consider that option, while she pouted a little because he wasn't as enthusiastic about it as she had hoped. To her, it was the perfect solution so she tried to pitch it to him.

"You know, neither of us will have much money when we start our further education next year; it would make sense to share. We could still study together," _and go out on the weekends_, she added in thoughts. "It will be fun."

A little later, Raven and Severus were sitting on a mattress on the floor of her London flat, which didn't look homely at all yet. Her former life was still stored in a cluster of boxes, but at least she had already unpacked her stereo rack and her record collection. Marc Bolan was singing about a crimson moon.

There were two empty pizza boxes and a bottle of cheap red wine on the floor between them. Raven exhaled cigarette fumes as she leaned backwards, popping herself up on one elbow to glance lazily at her friend. She was so damned tired- blame it on the jet lag- but she would never grow tired of watching Severus. Although she'd had a great time in America with her parents and the acquaintances she had made, she had missed him more than words could say. Severus would always be the centre of her universe, never mind the fleeting love affairs with whoever she'd choose to fill the void . There simply was no way to get over him, she knew for sure as she stared at his long and delicate fingers reaching for his wine glass, thinking _if only- _if only he wouldn't be so damned obsessed with Lily-bloody-Evans...

Nevertheless, he was here with her now; they were going to live together! She was jubilant about that even if they were only flat mates and not lovers, but it was definitely a good thing. Something good that had come from something as horrible as his mother trying to kill his father. Wasn't life ironic?

"But _how_ did the Aurors get there?" Raven suddenly interrupted his summary of said evening. He was so much more communicative after a glass of wine.

Severus shrugged, silently pondering her question. Actually, he had never wondered about that until now, and he tried to come up with an explanation. "I don't know... but I do have an idea. You know, when Lily and I received our Hogwarts letters, her sister Petunia wrote to Headmaster Dumbledore. Apparently she wanted to attend too, even though she called it a freak school. Perhaps she was just envious because we were going to a special place-

Anyway, she sent the letter via Muggle mail and yet it reached Dumbledore, who posted a reply the very same way. I still don't know how it is done, but it is definitely possible to contact Hogwarts using the Muggle mail system..."

"I guess I'm beginning to understand," Raven interjected. " If it's possible to send letters by Muggle Mail and they arrive at Hogwarts, then it's also possible that a Muggle emergency call will alert the Magical Law Enforcement... given that the reported address is registered at the Ministry?"

"Indeed."

"Hm... on a second thought, I'm not certain I like the idea that the Ministry has sort of _Trace_ on households of mixed couples. Isn't that just discriminating per se? Well, in your case it was certainly of advantage that the Aurors arrived..."

Severus agreed silently, while pondering why he was feeling so indifferent about the whole matter, as if it wouldn't concern him at all. But fact was, he had no pity for his mother, even though it was likely the Wizengamot would send her to Azkaban. After all, she had chosen to cast an Unforgivable Curse at her Muggle husband instead of simply filing for a divorce. He wasn't proud of having saved his father's sorry arse either, although it had been the right thing to do. Perhaps he was just treating his parents with the same lack of emotions as they had always shown towards him.

Raven reached for his hand and he let her hold it for a moment, but when she asked about the date of the trial and whether he'd like her to accompany him for 'moral support', he quickly withdrew his hand and replied with a harsh, "No."

She tried to not look hurt but failed, and he was feeling bad for having been so bloody abrasive when she only meant well. He didn't want to push her away; she was the only good thing in his life and he very much appreciated the fact that she had offered him to stay at her flat.

He changed the subject. "I trust your parents are well?"

"Yes," she smiled slightly, "and they send their love to you. Dad would have loved to see you but he understands that your traineeship is more important than a trip to the States. By the way, his show is quite a success in Vegas. He just bought a house with a large pool in the nicer outskirts of the town- Las Vegas itself is a nightmare of plastic-fantastic glimmer and glamour, and the music scene there... well, it's all mainstream shit, of course..."

Raven told Severus all about her American experience and the people she had met, including a young man called Jack who was riding a Harley Davidson. She didn't go into details about her relationship with him, but she pointed out that she had taken a liking to riding motorbikes and wanted to get one soon.

Severus frowned at that. Not because he was jealous or anything like that; it was more the fact that he wasn't overly fond of Muggle transportation when there were quicker ways to get from one place to another, like Apparation.

"Alright, Apparation is quicker," Raven agreed, "but riding a motorbike through the desert, hearing the powerful purr of its V-engine and feeling the wind in your face- that's as close to feeling free as you can ever get. It's so much fun, Sev."

"Don't you need a license for doing that?"

"Um... " Raven blushed slightly, "well, theoretically yes, but... I think I already learned enough to _Confund_ a driving instructor to give me that licence. There has to be some benefit in being a witch- anyway, how's your traineeship going?"

"Fairly well," Severus replied, smirking at her cheek for changing the topic before he could chide her, She knew him much too well to not take advantage of the fact that he would likely choose to talk about the potions laboratory of St Mungo's instead.

And indeed, his traineeship had gone fairly well so far. In the first week, O'Flaherty had made him brew a variety of simple healing potions you could find in every decent wizarding household, presumably to test his brewing skills. O'Flaherty had also been so kind to show interest in Severus' notes about alterations on traditional potions and the ones he had created on his own. Apparently, he had been impressed with his young trainee because he had actually advised him to file a patent for some. The renowned Potions Master had even accompanied him to the patent office at the Ministry to expedite the process, knowing that Severus was short of money. In the end, the generous advance from the patent office had helped him pay his room at the _Leaky Cauldron, _and he was grateful that O'Flaherty had enabled that. More so, the Professor had made him his personal assistant in the second week of his traineeship. Of course, that only meant he was mostly busy cutting, chopping or squashing for the Head of St Mungo's Potions Research team now, which Raven imagined to be a tiresome task, but Severus insisted that he was learning a lot.

So she was happy for him, and indeed, his eyes were sparkling when he spoke of his work. Severus had found a place where he truly belonged, a niche for himself.

In the days that followed, Raven did her best to turn her flat into a cosy home for both of them. She unpacked all of her boxes and arranged her furniture, but when she took a glance at Severus' room, she realized that they would have to go shopping. That, however, was not the only thing that needed to be done.

She also pestered him about a lot of formalities she considered necessary; everything to please the Muggle authorities, like going to register his new address in the Muggle registration office. She also wanted him to open a Muggle bank account.

Severus thought that a waste of time. After all, he was a wizard; he wanted to live in the wizarding world and become a famous Potions Master one day. He needed a vault at Gringotts and not a Muggle bank account.

Raven begged to differ. "Just try to see the advantage, Sev. If we're registered in the Muggle world, it will be so much easier to go into hiding there, just in case things go totally wrong with Lord V. Without a Muggle ID or passport, you can't leave the country- except you take a Portkey, but they are being monitored by the Ministry."

"There are ways," he insisted stubbornly. "I could use a _Confundus_ Spell to get away, should the need arise..."

She chuckled at that, recalling his face when she had insinuated to _Confund_ a Muggle driving instructor. "Right, we can always _Confund_ Muggles to get our ways, but it doesn't really take that much effort to just go to that damned registration office. Besides, if you are registered and have a bank account, you would be able to apply for Child Benefit since you haven't finished education yet. It'll help you pay your share of the rent. Of course," Raven paused to shoot him a sheepish glance, knowing he wouldn't like that, "you'll have to arrange that with your father."

As sure as death and taxes, he sneered at her and spat indignantly- just as she had expected him to, "I don't want his money!"

Silently, Raven counted to ten before she addressed him with a confident smile on her lips. "Yes, I know that. But don't be stupid, Sev. It's so very un-Slytherin to _not_ take advantage of a situation, and besides, it's not exactly _his _money. You have every right to get support. So, unless you can fill the fridge with your pride and eat it- unlikely- well, just stuff it!"

They were arguing about it for a while, but- as much as it bugged him- in the end she did have the better arguments since she knew the Muggle world better. As it seemed, there were indeed some advantages in being a half-blood and knowing both worlds, no matter how much he had always hated his tainted background as the unfortunate offspring of a fatal liaison between a Muggle and a witch. All his life he had been taunted about being different, except for the subculture circles of society Raven was part of. There, he felt a strange acceptance- the few times he accompanied her to social events like a concert or just a night out in one of her favourite clubs, to which she had dragged him...

"Fine," he snarled eventually, "but I won't call his mistress, begging for an audience."

"Oh, you've got her phone number?"

Severus rolled his eyes.

"Anna? Anna Bertolli? Hi, I'm Raven... um, I'm a friend of Severus..."

"Ciao Raven. It's so good you're calling- how is Severus faring? His papà talks about him a lot and he worries if his bambino is well."

Anna had a charming Italian accent and Raven took an instant liking to her. Soon, they were chatting lively on the phone, especially when Raven found out that Anna was from a small village near Lucca in Tuscany.

"I've been to Lucca!" She cried. "My parents and I visited Tuscany some years ago; it was very beautiful!"

Severus entered the kitchen, frowned at her, and poured himself a glass of water. An hour later he entered the kitchen again to see that she was still talking on the phone. Now he scowled.

"Bye, Anna! See you on Sunday." Finally, Raven ended the phone call and glanced at her friend, smiling cheerfully.

"_See you on Sunday_?" He inquired in a waspish tone, feeling betrayed. "How dare you make arrangements behind my back? And I thought I could trust you."

"I'm not-" No, Raven would not defend herself. Instead, she snapped, "Damned, Sev, you're such an enormous GIT sometimes! Your behaviour is hurting me. How dare you accuse me of being not trustworthy, when all I ever do is for **you**?"

"I didn't ask you to call that woman. And I won't go there and play happy family reunion with my begetter."

"Fine. You don't have to. But don't tell me with whom I'm allowed to speak or meet, because I won't miss the chance to get home-made Italian pasta!"

She brushed past him, leaving Severus feeling strangely... rejected. It pained him more than he would have expected, and he was suddenly reminded of Lily cutting ties with him.

"Raven, I..." He hurried to follow her into her room, where she was sitting on the sofa, looking defeated as she lit a cigarette in an almost resigned gesture. "I'm sorry."

"You wouldn't have to say 'I'm sorry' that often if you could refrain from hurting people, at least occasionally." Surreptitiously she wiped her eyes to not let him see how teary they were. "Fuck, just stop hurting me."

"I'm sorry," Severus sat down next to her on the sofa, feeling utterly awkward since he didn't know what to do. Would she expect him to move out now? Gingerly, he lifted one hand to pat her shoulder.

"I understand your reservation against your father," she said after a while in which she fought the urge to throw her arms around his neck and hug him, kiss him, slap him- in whatever order. "Mind, I'm not asking you to like him. But Anna... she seems to be a really decent person... and people do change, if you give them a chance. Most likely, your relationship with him will never be good... I guess he knows that, too, and Anna said he feels sorry for... you know, how things went between the two of you.

"All I'm asking you is to let him give you the money you have a right to get. You don't even have to go there; I can arrange things for you."

Severus bit his lips, but his hair was falling in curtains to cover his face and hiding the fact he was actually mulling over her words.

"I'm not a coward. I can face him and you... you don't have to-"

"I know," Raven took his hand in hers to give it a gentle squeeze, "you don't want to be _mothered_, or mollycoddled, but I want it to work, and I'm an egoistic person. If you pay your share of the rent, I can buy more clothes."

"And you want home-made Italian pasta."

"Yes, I most certainly want home-made Italian pasta." Raven said with a smile.

Sunday's dinner at Anna Bertolli's cosy home was a rather awkward affair. Severus had at long last decided to accompany Raven although he really wasn't keen to meet his father and his mistress. He just couldn't let Raven deal with things that were _his_ business, and she insisted that he _had_ to get children benefit; she was quite a stubborn witch if she had set her mind on something.

Father and son were acting as polite and reserved as if they were strangers, meeting for the first time, while the two women got on splendid with each other from the start. They exchanged hugs and kisses and immediately started chatting as if they were best friends.

Severus, however, didn't even know how to address his father's mistress. He just couldn't call her 'Anna' because that was much too personal and he wasn't familiar with her; 'Mrs Bertolli' didn't sound right either when everyone but him was simply calling her Anna. So he tried to not address her at all. Instead, he merely spoke when he was being asked a question and a response was unavoidable for politeness' sake. He wished he could just get done what he was here for. Of course, that would have been considered rude behaviour, especially since Anna had put more effort into one Sunday dinner than his mother had in all those years together. And it was delicious. Raven was right in her gushing about home-made Italian pasta.

"Let me help you with the dishes," Raven offered when they were done eating, and she followed Anna into the kitchen.

Now Severus was alone with his father; there was no way to ignore him any longer. Probably that was exactly what the two females had intended when they had left with that paltry excuse.

"So... um, how are ye, m'boy?" Tobias asked after a while. It was about the tenth time he had already asked that question tonight and Severus replied as usual, "I'm fine."

"Hm... that's good, ain't it? And... um, ye've got a decent place to stay? I mean... ye know ye can stay in the house, don't ye?"

"I am not interested."

"Aye... guess I understand that. Anyhow, if ye ever need somethin'..."

Severus didn't _want_ anything from him. He still blamed father for his miserable childhood, although he knew by intellect that mother was just as much to blame. But she had never beaten him up. She hadn't helped him either. She had just watched emotionless, without ever brandishing her wand and hexing _that_ _filthy Muggle_ (as she used to call father.)

He cleared his throat to finally address the matter he had came here for. "Indeed. I would appreciate if you transferred the Child Benefit- which you undoubtedly receive, since I haven't finished school yet- to my account. By standing order, if you please."

Tobias shot him a surprised glance (surprised that his weird magical kid knew about those _Muggle_ things so well), nevertheless he agreed to do that at once. Then he fell silent, and that silence lasted for quite a while. They heard Raven and Anna talking in the kitchen, but they couldn't make out what they were talking about.

"I was told there'd be a trial, but that wizard police officer of yers said me presence isn't required there since ye're a reliable eye-witness enough and they don't wanna have to mess with me mind".

"Indeed." There was no use to tell him that the _wizard police officer _was a called an _**Auror**_ or that he would have to _Obliviate_ Tobias Snape the very moment he ever set his foot into the sacred halls of the Ministry of Magic, where the Wizengamot would gather to decide upon the fate of one Eileen Snape nee Prince. They would send her to Azkaban, that much was certain.

"When's that trial?"

"I expected you to be glad now that you're finally done with us _freaks_, so why bother at all?" Severus snapped as he stood, glaring at his father. That very moment, Anna and Raven returned from the kitchen with a tray holding four small cups of freshly brewed espresso. "I wish to leave now."

Before Raven could even roll her eyes, he had already brushed past her and was out the door without waiting whether she would follow or not. She heaved a sigh and considered it is wise to give him a moment to cool down, so she took her time to say a proper goodbye, thanking Anna for the delicious dinner. It was decidedly not her fault that the atmosphere had been so strained.

"I give you a call," she promised Anna and then she left as well before her dear friend could accuse her of siding with the enemy. Oh, she knew so very well how Severus ticked and no matter how understanding she was, sometimes it just bugged her tremendously.

Of course, she hadn't expected an evening spent in blissful harmony, nor a sappy and tearful father-son reunion. She was very well aware of the fact that too much had happened between the two of them, and that she only knew very little about it at all- the tip of an iceberg perhaps.

He didn't want to talk about it. Not about that evening and even less about the trial that took place two days after the dinner at Anna Bertolli's place.

_Fifteen years._

It took them less than fifteen minutes to decide upon the fate of Eileen Snape, nee Prince, before the Wizengamot sentenced her to fifteen years at Azkaban for the attempted murder of her Muggle husband.

Severus shot his mother a fleeting glance as she was being led out of the courtroom, feeling nothing at all. She could have been a total stranger to him.


	26. London Boys

26- London Boys

Raven was excited. More than a week had passed since that dinner at Anna's, and it was also almost a week since the trial against his mother had rendered Severus uncommunicative for day. He had locked himself up in his room, doing whatever. Probably he had no idea at all how much his reclusive behaviour was hurting her.

And then he had just walked into the kitchen one sunny morning, reminding her that they had to go and buy their Hogwarts supplies. Almost sheepishly he had asked if she'd like to join him.

Of course, she had answered in the affirmative.

Now, they were strolling along Diagon Alley together, heading for Fortescue's since they were almost done running their errands and could use a break from their shopping spree. As they were walking down the main road, they soon came to Quality Quidditch Supplies, one of the attractions in Diagon Alley. Although the atmosphere in the popular shopping street had changed in recent years, there would always be a group of youngsters pressing their noses against the display window, dreaming of the newest broomstick designs.

It was a shop that neither Severus nor Raven were particularly interested in, so they walked past it and ran into a fellow house mate or theirs. Regulus Black had just left the Quidditch shop.

""Oh... um, hello Snape; pleased to meet you," the boy said and, nodding at the direction he just came from, added, "I was just thinking about buying a new broomstick, but I can't seem to decide which one."

"Indeed," Severus drawled in a bored tone. He was so tired of pure-bloods bragging about their Quidditch skills.

"Yeah... hey, I heard what happened at your home..."

"Great."

"Mother said it's a scandal they sentenced your mother, a witch from a respectable family like the Princes, to fifteen years in Azkaban only because she tried to dispose of her Muggle husband. Is it true you actually tried to save his life?"

Before Severus could reply, Raven interjected.

"So you think a Muggle's life is worth less than that of a pure-blood? Would it make a difference if the victim was a half-blood? Do you believe a pure-blood has the birth-right to kill anyone of inferior blood status?"

"Er..." Regulus was at a loss; he didn't know how to answer these questions because he had never been asked anything like that before. He was raised with the knowledge that pure-bloods were superior, that blood-traitors were a disgrace to the wizarding race- his own brother had been blasted off the family tree for his rebellious blood-traitor ideas- and yet he couldn't reply that. All of a sudden he was wondering if it was actually right to kill someone only because of his or her blood status. Confused as he was, he quickly changed the topic and addressed Snape again. "I expected to see you at Malfoy Manor during the summer."

"I was busy," Severus said, "I had the pleasure of completing a traineeship with Professor O'Flaherty at St Mungo's potions research."

"You had to work during holidays?"

"No, I completed a traineeship; it was very informative, academically..."

"Want to join us for an ice cream?" Raven chimed in

Regulus flashed her a surprised glance; this witch was really an enigma to him. He had almost thought she disliked him because of his beliefs and yet she asked him to join them. Little did he know that she had an ulterior motive.

She had noticed his hesitation earlier, and she knew that he wasn't Death Eater material through and through although he had imbibed their bigoted ideology from his infancy. But unlike Mulciber or Avery, he wasn't ruthless enough; little Regulus Black had a conscience. He was just a misled youth, who could use better influences in his life.

"I trust your OWL results were satisfying?" Severus wasn't one who liked to engage in small talk, but he didn't like the way the boy was staring at Raven's legs as she went to place their order. Why did she have to wear a short purple dress with matching platform sandals? Why didn't she wear robes like a decent witch?

"Yes, thank you." Regulus replied with a polite smile.

"And what do you want to become when you're grown-up?" Raven asked sweetly while enjoying her raspberry ice cream.

"I don't know yet. A career within the Ministry would probably be agreeable."

"Is that really what you want? You don't seem to me as the kind of guy who is happy with shoving stacks of paperwork from one end of his desk to the other."

A light flashed up in Regulus' grey eyes, if only for the fraction of a second. but it was enough to tell her she had guessed right. Most likely, the boy didn't have much say in that matter. Probably, he didn't even have to work at all. Raven was certain all that was expected of him was to produce an heir to the most noble name of Black. Life must be great if you're considered the perfect stud horse of a new generation of inbred imbeciles. She felt a little sorry for him.

Regulus was talking to Severus again, almost as if he were on safer grounds with him.

"Where are you staying now? I mean, you cannot possibly be living with your Muggle father anymore."

"I don't see why that may be any of your concern, but if you must know, I moved in with Raven."

"Yeah, I've got a flat here in the city."

"Wow!" Regulus breathed astounded, trying to imagine what it must be like to live with a witch as hot as Raven was. He thought Severus was a lucky fellow- on the other hand, he gave to consider, "Do you think that's appropriate? After all, you're not married and-"

Raven burst out laughing. "Oh my," she chuckled, shaking her head is amusement, "you're so cute and so very, very old-fashioned, Blackie. Don't you know what year it is? It's 1977. Welcome to the modern times! Of course it is _appropriate_ for two friends to live together."

-o-

While Raven firmly believed in women's liberation, Severus actually started brooding over matters of decorum. She tried to assure him that there was nothing wrong or inappropriate about their living arrangements if both their parent units agreed to it, but her words seemed to fall on deaf ears.

"What if people start gossiping about you, claiming I'm trying to take advantage of you?"

_Oh yes, please... _

"I don't want to ruin your reputation," he continued, totally unaware of her fantasies.

"What's there to ruin?" Raven asked. "At Hogwarts, I'm unpopular anyway and our Muggle friends can't seem to find any fault in it."

"Our house-mates are sticklers for tradition and moral-"

"You mean the same moral that makes them want to join Lord V in order to torture and kill Muggles? Forget them. Let them believe we're having wild sex parties all night long, I don't care." She saw him blushing and thought it was adorable. If only she could tell him of her feelings for him, but she feared his response. There were moments it hurt being so close and yet never close enough.

All too soon, they had to go back to Hogwarts for another year, and he would see Lily again.

If only he would realize that Lily Evans was never going to love him; not as much as he deserved and certainly not as much as Raven loved him- even though she sometimes felt the urge to smack him.

-o-

"I broke the Statute of Secrecy," Raven confessed, saying it almost as casual as if she was talking about the weather.

Severus nearly spilled his tea. It was still early in the morning and she had just come home from a night of partying with her Muggle friends. Their trunks were already packed; they had to leave for Hogwarts in a couple of hours.

He scowled at her. "You did _what_?"

She lit a cigarette and repeated herself. Severus had not accompanied her on a last night of freedom, instead he had chosen to look through his seventh year textbooks in order to be well-prepared for his final year at Hogwarts. "I told Jeffrey."

He almost breathed a sigh of relief since he considered Jeffrey a decent Muggle; nevertheless it didn't sit well with him. "What the hell has gotten into you? You know we're not allowed to tell random Muggles about our world."

Raven waved aside his demurs with an airy gesture. "Jeff's not a random Muggle, and besides he knew already that we're not just like the ordinary kids from next door. I already hinted at not going to a normal boarding school."

"How did he react to the truth?"

"Fairly well, I reckon, given that he said he's glad we're no aliens from outer space and he can deal with the rest."

"Hm," Severus frowned, mulling things over. "But _why_ did you tell him? You know the Statute of Secrecy was instituted for a very good reason and shouldn't be treated lightly."

"I know. But... remember when you told me about Petunia sending a letter to Dumbledore?"

"Yes?" He wished she would finally get to the point because he was still kind of clueless to what she was up to.

She flashed him an almost peskily bright smile. "If I recall correctly, we agreed that it is possible to send letters to Hogwarts by using the services of the Royal Mail."

"Well, it certainly worked for Petunia." There was bitterness in his voice as he thought back to the day Lily had urged him to read Dumbledore's response to Petunia's letter and how very embarrassed he had felt when Petunia had caught him in the act. Later, Lily had blamed him for another fall out with her sister...

"I guess it will also work for Jeffrey. Listen, Sev, I'm not like you. I cannot stand being isolated and completely out of touch with the Muggle world while I'm at Hogwarts. I... I need someone outside, someone who's sending me things that make me feel alive and not being buried in an ancient castle."

There were times when Severus wondered if Raven knew at all how very privileged she was, having been born with that wonderful gift to be able to use magic. Why did she have to be so bloody _different_? Different was not an attribute that was favoured much in Slytherin house. But he also reckoned what she would say about that given that _she_ considered herself privileged because she was living in both worlds. _He'd_ rather call her a wanderer between two worlds. It was an almost impossible balance act and yet she managed it... in her very own way.

And so she broke the Statute of Secrecy for the owner of a record shop. He had to admit though, that Jeffrey was a trustworthy fellow, one who wouldn't run around and blab their secret.

-o-

In the evening, Severus and Raven were back at Hogwarts, sitting at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall. The Sorting had just ended and they were waiting for Headmaster Dumbledore to hold his little welcoming speech before they could finally 'tuck in.'

This year, however, Dumbledore didn't content himself with utter nonsense the like of 'Nitwit, blubber, oddment, tweak.' He didn't speak of knitting patterns either. Instead, he appeared to be more serious than usual, talking about dark times and that all houses had to stand united- and then he announced who would be this year's Head Boy and Girl.

"Mr James Potter and Miss Lily Evans."

The Gryffindors applauded frenetically, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff were more polite than enthusiastic in their acknowledgement, but from the Slytherin table came a collective groan in which only the rookies didn't join in- they hadn't been hexed by Potter and his cronies yet.

Curtains of black hair were obscuring Severus' face as he let his head drop until his forehead was almost touching the table, and for a moment he actually considered to knock on wood with his forehead. Over and over again, punishing himself like a house-elf... for a slip of tongue that was unforgivable... as if that pain would be able to remedy the feeling of a hot knife being stabbed right through his heart. _Potter and Lily, Potter and Lily, Potter and Lily... _it echoed endlessly in his mind, pulsated in his blood, and he knew he had finally lost her to his nemesis. Being Head Boy and Head Girl would inevitably glue them further together_; _he stood no chance against the popular Quidditch champion.

And Potter was popular- at least to those who hadn't been hexed by him on various occasions throughout the years, simply because he could.

"Dumbledore's a bloody old codger!" Avery exclaimed, "I will have to write to my father- he's an important member of the Board of Governors. Dumbledore has to be replaced by someone who isn't the champion of commoners, of Mudbloods and blood-traitors."

"You're right, mate. It's time for a change," Mulciber agreed. "No Mudblood should ever be Head Girl."

"Actually, it's more the fact that he gave Potter a card blanche to randomly take points from Slytherins that bothers me," Regulus Black gave to consider, which sounded quite sensible to Raven.

It was obvious that Potter hated all Slytherins and even more so he despised Severus... just because he existed. Potter had made that unmistakably clear the very day at the end of their fifth year. And even though his attacks had ceased in sixth year, Raven didn't doubt that if given the opportunity he would prance around Hogwarts in his glory, making life a hell for all Slytherins and especially for Severus.

Although she definitely didn't agree with her house-mates' beliefs of blood superiority, they seemed to be right about Dumbledore- one couldn't campaign for a unity of houses while favouring just one; his precious oh-so-noble and brave Gryffindors.

Meanwhile, her house-mates were debating about who their perfect candidate for Head Boy or Girl would be if they had a say in that matter. Raven was mightily surprised when all of a sudden someone mentioned her name.

"You must be kidding!" Avery said haughtily.

"Of course," Regulus gave to consider, "she is of questionable blood status and not popular at all, but that might even be of advantage..."

"Would you please stop talking about me as if I'm not present," Raven cut him off.

"Ah, shut up now, Lestrange. What I wanted to say is that you don't like anyone and no one likes you, so at long last you're probably the least biased person at Hogwarts; you wouldn't take points for no reason. But with Potter as Head Boy, we can so forget about winning the House Cup this year."

She blinked at him once, then once more. "You know, Blackie, you've got a really weird sense of logic."

-o-

It soon became obvious that Regulus was right about one thing- Head Boy Potter didn't hesitate to take points from Slytherin while his cronies were allowed to bend the school rules much to their liking. Although the Slytherins complained about it, all their complaints fell on deaf ears since they failed to stand united. But the straw that broke the camel's back was when Potter had the nerve to shout,

"Oi, Snape! Ten points from Slytherin."

Severus whirled around, fumbling for his wand. He hadn't done anything wrong; he was just on his way to breakfast in the Great Hall.

"You cannot prance the corridors and randomly take points!" Raven snapped, glaring furiously at Potter. Like Severus, she had also drawn her wand... you never knew with these Marauders, they were unpredictable and it was always better to be safe than sorry.

"I am not _randomly_ taking points, Lestrange." Potter waited until his audience was big enough for him to continue. "I'm taking points from Slytherin because _Snivellus_ here is dripping grease all over the floor."

His audience was snickering; apparently they considered Potter's personal feud an incredibly funny thing.

Severus was about to hex him into next week for his impertinence, for once more humiliating him in public. To make things worse, Lily was also there, watching the scene unfold. There was no way to get out of it with his dignity still intact.

"James, let him be," Lily said softly, tugging at Potter's arm. "He's not worth the trouble."

It was another stab in his heart to hear her words and see her interacting so very familiar with bloody James Potter.

"James? It's James now? Aw, isn't that cute?" Raven sneered as she stepped forward, thus blocking Severus from firing jinxes at Potter while at the same time making her interference appear as if it was something between Lily and her. And indeed, she would have _loved_ to leap into a cat fight with her rival. But that wouldn't be a very wise move now. No, she had to be more sophisticated. "I wonder what happened to Mr Arrogant Toe-rag."

Some of the students actually giggled at her words, so she carried on in a very calm and clear voice, "I'm also wondering, Mr Potter, what is probably worse- to have greasy hair or to be a mindless bully? Well, I reckon the first problem can be remedied by the right choice of shampoo. The second, however, is much more difficult because it would require a nice little lobotomy to get rid of that problem."

"Don't talk too big, Lestrange," Potter rebuked her, but Raven didn't flinch. She wasn't scared of empty threats, and this was an empty threat because he couldn't possibly attack her now with all the students watching, and not every single one of them was favouring him. There were some Hufflepuffs that hadn't yet forgotten how the Marauders had hexed them just for fun, and at least two or three Slytherins had finally decided to back her up. Blackie was standing next to Severus now, glaring daggers at his dear brother, the Head Boy's omnipresent side-kick.

If she wouldn't know that Potter fancied Lily Evans, Raven might have felt inclined to compose a love song for the two Gryffindor brothers-in-heart.

"Or what?" She challenged him. "Is that supposed to be a threat, Mr Potter? If so, I will easily find at least ten witnesses that will confirm you're abusing your position."

He shot her a glare that seemed to say, 'watch out when you're walking empty corridors at night,' then he turned his back on her and walked away, through the open doors into the Great Hall. The better part of the assembled students were following him, some chatting about the recent event, but most of them were simply keen to have breakfast. A small group, however, was lingering in the Entrance Hall, waiting for more to come.

Severus brushed past Raven, flashing her an indignant glance. She let him. Counting to ten, she closed her eyes for a moment before she busily addressed Regulus Black and the few other Slytherins that were still there.

"We have to make a list of events like this. Whenever our prodigious Head Boy harasses one of us, we have to write down time, date and matter of assault- meaning, why did he choose to take points from Slytherin. Of course, we have to back up our information with evidence, so make sure you never run into Potter or the Marauders without having a witness around. If we're able to present Headmaster Dumbledore with a list of his most favourite protégé overstepping the limits of his position., we can possibly force him into action."

"Or he will simply set the list on fire," a disillusioned fifth-year Slytherin gave to consider.

"Yeah, that's why we will have a copy that we can send to the Board of Governors."

"Lestrange, I'm beginning to believe the Sorting Hat wasn't completely mad when he put you into Slytherin," Regulus said with a smirk.

Raven smiled sweetly at him. "Oh, don't let yourself be fooled, Blackie. That old rag is as mad as a hatter."

"Don't call me Blackie."

She just laughed and entered the Great Hall, not knowing that very soon she wouldn't be in the mood to laugh anymore. Naturally, she was expecting Severus to be in a sour mood and probably he'd snap at her to mind her own business. Or scold her for being a meddling busybody, or whatever.

She hadn't expected an owl to drop a letter on her plate. The letter carried the postage stamp of the Royal Mail, and she picked it up quickly, before any of her house mates had the chance to take notice of that.

It was a Friday, the seventeenth of September, when all of a sudden a part of her world seemed to collapse. She stared at the letter is disbelief; the words were right in front of her eyes but somewhat blurry, while her mind refused to get the meaning. Stifling a sob that came from deep within her, she jumped to her feet, tearing down her plate in the process. It fell to the floor and shattered into pieces.

"Raven?" She heard Severus addressing her with a hint of concern in his voice, but she wasn't in the mood to explain. She couldn't tell him, couldn't possibly speak the words that would make it real. So she merely tossed the letter into his hands before she almost fled the Great Hall.

-o-

Severus was pretty certain that he would _never_ understand the way witches ticked, but then he read Jeffrey's letter. Fortunately, nothing had happened to her parents, which was a great relief to him. On the other hand, the news that Jeffrey had sent did startle him as well; he was just so much better at hiding his emotions.

"What's bitten Lestrange?" Regulus inquired as he leaned in closer to get a glimpse at the newspaper clipping Severus was holding in his hands. He couldn't see much though, only that the picture underneath the headline looked kind of... _weird_. But it wasn't until later that he came to realize it was just because nothing had moved in that picture, as if all movements had been frozen in time.

"And why would that be of your concern, Black?" Severus snapped while repressing his very urge to jump up and follow her. He knew she needed him now, and he truly wanted to be the friend she deserved- but there was so much more at stake. He had a role to play. His house-mates weren't to know how much he cared about her.

"I was just wondering..."

"Keep wondering, Black, but keep in mind as well that all females seem to have unexpected mood-swings that are totally unfathomable to most wizards."

Regulus appeared to be satisfied with this answer although he should have known that Severus wasn't exactly an expert when it came to witches and their quirks. Nevertheless, the boy gave up pestering him with mindless questions, and Severus balled up the newspaper clipping in his hand.

The headline read

MARC BOLAN KILLED IN CRASH

-o-

"Where have you been?" Severus wanted to shout at her when Raven finally showed up for Potions, after having missed double Transfiguration, but he managed to keep his voice low.

"Inverness," she replied coolly.

"Inverness?"

"Yep. It' the only place between here and London I could think of that would have a public phone box; I just had to talk to Jeff."

"Raven, I'm really sorry for what happened, but you can't just leave Hogwarts whenever it pleases you. You missed Transfiguration-"

"So what? Marc got killed. I couldn't bother with transfiguring a hedgehog into a hairbrush or anything similarly stupid and useless." If she wouldn't need passing grades in Transfiguration for Auror training, she would have long dropped her last favourite class. Raven failed to see why people thought it cool to be an Animagus like Professor McGonagall (who could change into a cat) while at the same time they were torturing animals by turning them into immobile objects.

"You can have my notes," Severus offered with a sigh before he had to focus on the potion Slughorn wanted them to brew. It was an annoyingly simple one, though, and so he decided to help Raven with the task at hand; she was so far away with her thoughts that he feared she might blow up the classroom if he didn't keep an eye on her. On the other hand, she appeared almost unnaturally unfazed on the outside, her face a stony mien. He noticed that he missed her smile.

-o-

"There's something fishy about his death and I'm gonna find out what it is," Raven said after dinner, heading towards the front doors.

Severus rolled his eyes and hurried to catch up with her. "Merlin, what are you up to now? You ought to be lucky that McGonagall didn't give you detention for missing her class."

"You can always trust a Gryffindor to become emotional when she hears about the tragic loss you're suffering from," she said casually.

"I know, I came up with quite a sensible excuse for your absence, but don't push it too far. Whatever you're about to do, it won't bring him back. You have to accept that he died in a car crash."

"It wasn't just an accident."

"The papers said his girlfriend lost control of the motorcar, thus it left the road and crashed into a tree. Given that it was 4am and they were on their way back from a 'night of merriment', there's hardly anything _fishy_ about it." Meanwhile, they had passed Hagrid's cabin and were walking further on in the direction of Hogsmeade. Severus knew she was eager to leave the grounds so she could finally Disapparate.

"Cars don't just leave the road and crash into trees, and it is already established as a fact that neither of them was drunk, nor had they taken any drugs. Of course, cars are not infallible, but the police ruled out it was a technical problem. Also, all the tyres were intact." Raven stopped to glance at his face. In the twilight at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, his eyes stood out even darker than usual in comparison to the paleness of his face. She reached out and touched his cheek. "Sev, I'm not asking you to join me, but I really have to go. I have to... see... the site of the alleged accident. And I want to meet with people who loved him. Jeffrey said that many of his fans would go there tonight... you know, to leave flowers and such... Please try to understand that I simply can't be in this old castle now. Don't stop me from leaving."

So here was his chance to prove that even he could be a good friend. Although she wasn't asking him to join her, her face told him that she wouldn't mind if he came along nevertheless; the silent plea in her big blue eyes was unmistakably clear.

_Damn Raven Lestrange and her big blue eyes_! He heaved a sigh and said, "Lead the way."

She beamed brightly at him, took his hand, and only a moment later they were in south London, at the edge of Barnes Common. It didn't take long for them to spot the group of fans and mourners that had gathered at the feet of a slender sycamore tree.

The place of Marc Bolan's death was covered with flowers. The sickly sweet smell of white lilies penetrated her nostrils and she realized (not for the first time) that she disliked the flowers just as much as the person with the same name. But she wasn't here to indulge in her dislike of bloody St Lily-on-the-pedestal-of-light-and-self-righteousness.

So she let her eyes wander along the road to the hump backed bridge from where Bolan's purple Mini had come before it had shot through a fence and smashed into that bloody tree. Raven pondered about how very ironic it was that Marc, who had had never learned to drive in fear of premature death, had died in a car crash. As if he'd had a strange sense of _foreboding_...

She also realized that the road leading from the bridge was almost straight. There was no dangerous bend, nothing that would explain why someone could possibly lose control over a normally functioning car, if not... if not someone or something had caused this accident. An animal might have crossed the road- but that was unlikely, since there were no skid marks indicating someone had slammed hard on the brakes.

Unfortunately, Raven was not a fully-fledged Auror with a whole catalogue of background knowledge about useful spells at hand; she was just a little wannabe investigator, a young witch with keen eyes and an overly animated imagination. She could almost _see_ the sparks of an evil curse flying, hitting the car Marc was in, causing his girlfriend to wildly spin the steering-wheel... and then the car crashed into that sycamore tree_._ Of course, there was no proof to her theory, no evidence to underline her suspicion, and she could hardly go to the Ministry of Magic with only her gut-feeling, asking the Aurors to investigate on a crime scene that wasn't even declared as one.

"He knew too much of our world," she mumbled.

Severus furrowed his brows before he slowly nodded. It seemed he had been able to follow her train of thoughts simply by watching her as she surreptitiously cast several low level _Revelio_ charms.

"I can almost _smell_ a Dark Curse."

"You cannot smell the Dark Arts," he cave to consider, wearing a frown on his face. Although he had to agree that she might be right about the circumstances of Marc Bolan's death, that it was possibly not just an ordinary accident, he thought she was trying too hard to blame it on something Dark and unnatural.

"Don't you smell it? Of course, it's kind of... _airy_... like a gas- haven't you ever noticed that the wizarding world does smell a little different than the Muggle world?"

"Well, in our world, the air is decidedly less polluted with emissions of motorcars and all the other oh-so blessed achievements of technical development that Muggles are so fond of." Severus replied, but when he let his glance roam in order to not look at her expectant face, there was the fraction of a second in which he almost thought he saw the Dark Mark burning in the skies. _But why would the Dark Lord deem it necessary to make such an effort just to kill one simple Muggle?, _he wondered briefly as he blinked his eyes in confusion. Needless to say there was no Dark Mark when he looked up again. It seemed he had become a victim of her imagination running wild.

Meanwhile, Raven had picked some blades of grass from the side of the road and was clandestinely transfiguring them into sunflowers. After all, she wasn't a total sucker at Transfiguration. She merely preferred to not torture animals for the sake of magical brilliance.

"Thanks for being there, Sev. It means a lot to me," she said and reaching out for him, she gave his hand a gentle squeeze. Together they were nearing the group of mourning fans.

Raven put down her flowers at the foot of the sycamore tree, which would become an official memorial to Marc Bolan in later years. There were no tears, only sadness. His music had changed her life and it would live on; it had helped her to become the witch she was now. She had unfolded her wings and ruffled her feathers to the sound of his music; she wasn't the Fat Crow anymore.

_Instead, I'm just a stupid little girl,_ she thought as she glanced at Jeffrey's dear face. He was amongst the mourners.

"Severus, you have to go back to Hogwarts now. I will return in time for classes on Monday morning. "

-o-

His objections had been in vain. If Raven Lestrange got something into her pretty head, she was persistently stubborn to get her own way. And so Severus was back at Hogwarts now, while she was doing... whatever. It was none of his concern. His main interest was to reach the Slytherin common room before curfew and not get caught by the Head Marauder. Or any of the teachers, for that matter.

Unfortunately, he wasn't that lucky. Traipsing down the staircase to the dungeons, he ran straight into Professor McGonagall. Since he was still in time, he decided that a polite 'good evening' was in order- it would definitely be considered rude of him if he walked by without a proper greeting, and besides, he hadn't done anything wrong... or had he? Well, he shouldn't have left the castle because of Raven's whims.

"Good evening, Mr Snape," McGonagall replied and for a moment it seemed as if she would simply continue her way. But then she stopped and turned around, giving him a curious glance. "Mr Snape, one moment please."

_Oh no_, he groaned inwardly, bracing himself for what was about to come. "Professor McGonagall?"

"I was wondering if you possibly know the current whereabouts of Miss Lestrange."

"Um," Think sharp now, Severus, McGonagall isn't easy to fool. There was no use in pretending he was clueless or that he didn't care at all. So he lied smoothly, "I believe she is visiting with the family of her recently deceased friend, paying condolence."

McGonagall's usually so stern face seemed to soften with compassion at his explanation. "Of course, in times of grief we have to stand united. Please give Miss Lestrange my deepest sympathy and ask her to meet me in my office, Monday morning before classes. Although she is of age and therefore allowed to leave the grounds on weekends, she nevertheless has to apply for a permission."

"Yes, Professor, I will do that." Severus breathed a sigh of relief that she was buying his lie, even if it wasn't a real lie; he had merely bent the truth a little. "May I be so bold and ask you to take into consideration that Miss Lestrange simply forgot to apply for said permission, because she is so shattered about the death of her friend?"

"Indeed, I will take that into consideration. Good evening, Mr Snape."

-o-

Raven spent a sleepless night at her flat in London, listening to her T. Rex records and contemplating what to do now. The answer was there, all the time, and it was rather simply. And yet she dreaded what she would have to do, taking the logical consequence of her foolishness.

How could she have been so stupid? Hadn't her parents left England because of the danger? Hadn't her mother told her that it wasn't safe to use the Floo Network because it could be monitored?

She read about it every day in the _Daily Prophet_. Muggleborns and Muggles were attacked all over Britain, and it was getting worse with each and every fucking day. Marc's death was no accident. There was a war coming up in the wizarding world, and it would affect the Muggle world, too. No one was safe anymore and least of all those, who had any connections to her world.

Saturday afternoon found her at Jeffrey's flat; he had closed his record shop for the day. Her eyes roamed the room, ever so fascinated by his huge private record collection- he even had some rare recordings of Marc's first musical releases- but she wasn't here for that. Raven's glance fell on the table, where there was a sheet of paper with her handwriting. She still remembered the day she had scribbled down her Hogwarts address for him, so he could send her cigarettes, her subscription of the _Melody Maker._.. She had been so very fucking foolish!

"Like a beer?" Jeffrey asked, interrupting her thoughts.

"Yeah." She flashed him a smile that almost made her face ache. Because it was so very false, even though she liked him a lot. And because she liked him so very much, she couldn't wait until he disappeared into the kitchen. Immediately, she leaped for that damnable sheet of paper.

When Jeffrey returned from the kitchen, he stared dumbfounded at the wand in her hand. He never realized how he had all of a sudden lost memory of some things he used to know about Raven. Blinking his eyes, he handed her a bottle of beer and thought it weird that she seemed to stifle a sob. Naturally, he blamed it on her grief about Marc's death.

"Cheer up," he said, trying to sound encouraging, as they clinked bottles, "his music will live on."

_And so will you,_ Raven thought, devastated about what her folly had forced her to do. She hated herself for what she had just done.

"I'm sorry, Jeff, but I have to leave now."

"I thought you wanted a beer?" His confusion was obvious now.

"I changed my mind."

As she rose and took her leave, she surreptitiously balled up the sheet of paper in her pocket, destroying the last piece of evidence for him to know that she was a witch.


	27. Pretty Vacant

27 Pretty Vacant

The new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher was a fop. Lucius Malfoy's posh clothes looked plain in comparison to how this Scandinavian peacock was dressed, and Severus had to avert his eyes to not get blinded by the white perfection of his teeth when the wizard smiled. Severus detested him just as much as the witches were swooning over him. What a bloody dazzler!

Allegedly, Professor Pekka Lemminkainen was from the USAA, the United Scandinavian Auror Association. Headmaster Dumbledore had praised his skills to the skies, but even after the sixth week of this term, Severus wasn't quite certain what it was exactly that Dumbledore was praising. Perhaps it was their shared fondness for flamboyant robes. He couldn't have possibly referred to Lemminkainen's skills as an Auror because of that, Severus hadn't seen much yet. The _Professor_ still had to prove that he was indeed capable of teaching Defence against the Dark Arts. Except, of course, you believed in his tales. And talking he did a lot. He would enter the classroom with a sickening bright smile on his face, and then he entertained his audience with droll stories of how he became such a highly decorated Auror.

The witches thought he had the cutest accent and the cutest nose. Plus, he was broad-shouldered and looking like a Viking- or at least what they believed a Viking would look like. Severus wanted to bang his head against the desk when even his precious Lily started gushing about Lemminkainen's golden mane... as if the Scandinavian was a bloody Griffin!

Even his male classmates thought him the height of cool (especially the Gryffindorks) because Lemminkainen wasn't giving them much homework. He was easy to please and seemed to have an open ear for their problems- mainly the hormonally influenced ones. Since he was almost brimming with testosterone, it was plain to see why they admired him. They wanted to be just like him, just as successful when it came to gaining the attention of a pretty witch.

Severus rolled his eyes. He missed grumpy old Professor Steel. Although she was an ugly scarecrow in comparison to Pekka Lemminkainen, she was decidedly more competent and he favoured that in a professor.

Nevertheless, the girls begged to differ. They all tried to outdo each other by overdoing it with beautification charms. But not all of the girls were acting like brainless imbeciles at the sight of Professor Pekka Lemminkainen. There was one girl that wasn't impressed by the Scandinavian fop at all.

Raven had crossed her arms at the desk, making them a pillow for her weary head; she was actually sleeping.

Severus watched her for a while since it was certain he wouldn't miss anything. Professor Peacock was spinning an incredible tale about a group of Inferi he once defeated, although from what he was blabbering it seemed to be more likely he was referring to Zombies. There was a huge difference between Inferi and Zombies. Both of them were undead beings, controlled through the Dark Arts, but while an Inferius manifested itself as a white mist, a Zombie was just a stinking, decaying corpse raised from its grave.

Should he inform Lemminkainen of his mistake? He opted against it and glanced at Raven again. She looked quite pretty with her tousled hair...

Ever since her return from London, she had been unusually quiet. Of course, she had told him of what had happened at Jeffrey's, but after that she had hardly spoken a word at all. She had all clammed up and he didn't know what to do.

What was wrong with her?He missed the way she used to be, their casual friendship. Perhaps she had stopped caring about him, just like everybody stopped caring about him sooner or later... his mother, Lily, and now, apparently, Raven too. He should simply accept that.

Meanwhile, Professor Lemminkainen was babbling on and on about his oh-so-exciting adventures. The class listened in rapt attention.

-o-

Raven was still feeling miserable. She had never wanted to _Obliviate_ anyone since she believed it simply wasn't right to mess with someone else's memories. And yet she'd done it. She had erased memories from Jeffrey's mind- memories that wouldn't have been there in the first place, if not for her own stupidity. She should have never told Jeffrey that she was a witch. In these times, it wasn't safe for a Muggle to know about the wizarding world. Owls could be intercepted and then her friend would be in danger.

Sometimes she wished she could hex herself. At least that would be more effective than crying her eyes out and feeling like she betrayed him. Of course it was only for his safety- but that didn't stop her thoughts from running weird ways and her mind from becoming a strange place, in which she believed that she deserved being lonely and miserable, because she was a horrible person. Nobody was owling her anymore. Her parents were at the other end of the Atlantic ocean, in a far away country, and her best friend... well, he had his own agenda...

-o-

It was obvious that Marc Bolan's death- whether it was an accident or murder- had a great impact on her. But then again, Raven was a too sophisticated witch to cry over her favourite pop star for weeks; she wasn't a stupid little fan girl.

_You really should reconsider your relationship with her..._

Whatever Mr Bolan had meant with that cryptic message, Severus knew even without the advice of a Muggle glam rock star that he would like to be a better friend to Raven. If only things were that easy. He had a role to play; he had to pretend he was a true follower of the Dark Lord's ideology in order to not raise suspicion. He had to pretend he was still interested in joining Lord Voldemort's ranks and that merely his modesty was keeping him- the lowly half-blood wanted to make himself a reputation as a potions master and until then, he didn't consider himself to be worthy of entering the illustrious circles of that noble fraternity.

He sneered at that thought. Avery and Mulciber kept pestering him about accompanying them for a non-committal visit at Malfoy Manor (to meet some _old friends_) the following Hogsmeade weekend. Severus had so far managed to string them along by claiming he was too busy with homework, writing essays, and they had believed him because they considered him a boring swot anyway.

He couldn't have cared less.

Class was almost over when Severus finally elbowed Raven. "You're snoring," he said gently as she opened one big blue eye to shot him a confused glare, and he knew immediately that that had probably not been the wisest thing to say.

"'m not," she slurred without even bothering to lift her head.

He suddenly noticed how pale she was and that she had dark rings around her eyes. "You alright?"

"Yeah. Wake me up when Professor Reindeer's done blabbering. He's annoying." She rested her head on her arms again.

"He most certainly is. I miss Professor Steel. Have you heard anything of her lately?"

"Why, I received so many owls recently I must have forgotten to tell you 'bout it."

Although Severus was a bright mind academically, he sometimes wished for more social competence in order to figure out what she was trying to tell him now. Of course, he understood sarcasm. He was also quite certain that he didn't misinterpret that _undertone_ in her voice; it sounded biting, a snide remark like he would give when being vexed, and he'd given her plenty of that in the past years. Mostly, she had endured it stoically. Or she had snapped back at him. But it had never been like that before; it had never sounded so... _frustrated_. What was he to do about it?

-o-

A bell chimed, announcing the end of class. While many of their fellow students were lingering to have a word in private with their favourite professor, Severus followed Raven down the corridor.

"Do you have any plans for the weekend?"

"It's Hogsmeade weekend, isn't it?" She replied without much enthusiasm.

"We could go together," he suggested.

"Yeah... perhaps..."

Or she could Apparate to London and lock herself up in her flat, order a pizza and wallow in her misery. She didn't need company for that. It was better than following Severus through Hogsmeade, looking out for Lily and who Miss Perfect was dating this year. She really had enough of that. It was so tiring to be in love with Severus Snape; she wished there would be a button to switch off her feelings for him.

"So... um, you don't want to go to Hogsmeade?"

"No." Oh, he was trying and he was so cute in his clumsy attempt at being... just nice. She longed to simply cling onto that, for it had been too long already since she had actually talked to someone, a friend, and she thought she'd go nuts if she had to spend only one more day in this sort of self-imposed isolation. Sheepishly she glanced at Severus. "I'm sorry. I'm not in the mood for the hubbub of Hogsmeade. Perhaps... if you like, that is... we could simply go for a walk?"

"That is agreeable," he said with a hint of a smile that made her smile as well.

-o-

Saturday morning, Head Boy James Potter walked into the Great Hall wearing a smug smirk on his face. He sat down at the Gryffindor table, next to Head Girl Lily Evans, and poured her a cup of tea before she had the chance to even think about reaching for the teapot. Politely, he handed her the sugar bowl.

"If I remember correctly, you take your tea with two sugars, don't you?"

"You're being very attentive today, James. Thank you, but I think I manage to stir my tea myself."

"Sure." He fell silent for a moment, watching her stir her tea and take a sip. "Um, Lily, would you like to accompany me to Hogsmeade today?"

Lily put down her cup to glance at him. "You're not asking me for a date, are you?"

"No. Not at all. It's just... you know, since we're Head Boy and Head Girl we should perhaps go together."

"Of course," Lily smiled ever so slightly, knowing he was very clever. And very charming. "It's our duty, isn't it?"

"It is," James agreed, looking deep into Lily's beautiful emerald green eyes while the fingers of his left hand formed the victory sign for only Sirius to see. "We have to show presence and help the younger students to find their way to Zonko's... and Honeydukes."

"They also need to know where to buy new quills," she reprimanded him softly.

"You're absolutely right," he said with little conviction, because Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop wasn't exactly his favourite shop in Hogsmeade. But he wanted to act more mature towards Lily, knowing she liked that about him.

Together they left the Great Hall and queued to leave the castle. Professor McGonagall let them pass with a kind smile on her face while she continued to check the permission forms of some eager third years.

"Lily, what would you've said, had I actually asked you out on a date?" James inquired cheekily as they were slowly strolling towards the small village. Neither of them was in a hurry to get there; both seemed to enjoy the walk for it was truly a beautiful day. The sun was shining from a nearly perfect blue sky with only a few fair-weather clouds, but there was a cold autumnal wind blowing that almost smelled of winter. Gallantly, James cast a warming spell.

Lily smiled at him. "You know, James, I might have actually considered to accept it."

He tried to not grin like a Cheshire cat at her adorable response as he offered her his arm (which she willingly took) and he also tried to not smirk smugly as he turned his head to flash a victorious glance at his not-rival _Snivellus_, but in the end he just couldn't help it.

-o-

They were taking a walk around the lake, only the two of them, and yet it seemed to Raven as if their moment of togetherness was being troubled by people that weren't there.

Of course Severus had witnessed the interaction between Potter and Lily, had watched her accept Potter's arm as they were walking towards Hogsmeade. Raven understood that it pained him to see them acting so chummy. Lily, however, seemed to have forgotten that she used to be Severus' best friend and that Potter had never missed the chance to torment her allegedly best friend. And now they were walking arm in arm. It didn't have to mean anything. It wasn't necessarily the beginning of a romance- but that didn't matter to Severus. She could see the hurt in his face, even though he was trying to hide it.

Raven didn't want Lily to spoil her day out with Severus; she had longed so much to have him all to herself, if only for a few hours, and it was a beautiful autumn day. The sun was shining from a clear blue sky, the leaves of the trees were glowing in fiery golden shades, and the water of the lake was almost glittering like liquid silver in the sunlight. Occasionally, the surface was torn by something dark, a tentacle. The giant squid was enjoying this very fine day, too. Lucky devil for not knowing the problems of the humans. All it cared about was a dish of fish and a leisure bath.

She had just inched a little closer to Severus, when all of a sudden he said in a low whisper, "That day she told Potter she wouldn't go out with him if it was a choice between him and the giant squid."

_That day_- Raven knew immediately which day he was referring to. "Well, she also used to call him an arrogant toerag- Potter, not the giant squid. By the way, did you know that squids have three hearts?"

"Indeed?" Severus didn't seem to be enthused about that piece of information. He kept staring into the distance.

"Yeah, and they're green."

"Three green hearts?" Now he was looking at her; apparently she had managed to pique his interest.

"Well, faintly green. I don't know if anyone has ever researched the properties of green squid hearts as possible potion ingredients. Perhaps all three hearts are of different use?"

"That would definitely qualify for a thorough research," Severus agreed, lost in thoughts, and as if the giant squid could hear them talking about the abuse of his hearts as potion ingredients, it disappeared into the deepest depth of the lake with a last splash of water, waving his farewell. Then the surface of the lake lay calm and still like a mirror, sparkling, reflecting the sunshine.

Abruptly, Severus turned his head to glance at Raven. "How come you know about squid hearts?"

"Oh, blame it on my inquisitive nature," she offered with a smirk, glad she had managed to take his mind off Lily. "You remember I told you about Miguel, the son of a Spanish fisherman?"

When he frowned at her, Raven continued and told him about 'postmortem examinations' of fish and other creatures of the sea, simply because she was a curious girl. And to impress Miguel, who thought that all girls (especially tourists) were easy to gross out with fish entrails until she had proven him different; it had been the beginning of a wonderful holiday friendship.

But as much as Raven enjoyed reminiscing about Miguel, she even more enjoyed her current company. Placing a hand on Severus' arm, she gently urged him to move on in order to proceed with walk around the lake... and, to some extent, to also leave the past behind. There was no use in mulling over whatever Lily and Potter were doing as long as _she_ was the one who was with Severus now.

Longing for proximity, Raven linked arms with him and he let her. He even glanced at her with one of those rare smiles that would only grace his features on very rare occasions. It was just for a moment, but that was all it needed to make her heart race, aching for him. She so badly wanted to grab him and snog him senseless until he would finally come to realize that _she_ was the perfect witch for him.

Unfortunately, that was just a perfect dream. Reality caught up fast enough with her, throwing her back down to earth and straight into the face Sirius Black, who was teasing her about her poor choice of date once again.

They had completed their walk around the lake in companionable silence and were now facing a group of students returning from Hogsmeade for an early supper. Amongst them was Sirius Black, accompanied by the werewolf, Lupin, and his other sidekick, the ever so creepy Peter Pettigrew.

"I don't get it!" Black exclaimed in an exaggerated gesture of clasping his heart. "Why's a sexy witch like you still hanging around with that greasy git? Oi, Snivelly, did you _Imperio_ her to stay at your side?"

Before Severus could reply, Raven said nonchalantly. "Well, Black, I remember your... um, _generous_ offer to shag me in one of the broom closets. But although you have a lovely bum, I'm not interested in a bum if I can have brains instead."

"You must be kidding," Black spluttered; he really didn't understand what was wrong with Lestrange that she didn't fancy him.

"Hex her, Padfoot! That Slytherin bitch shouldn't be allowed to talk to you like that," Pettigrew egged him on although it was plain to see that the dumbest of the Marauders had no clue of what was really going on here. He looked even more dumbfounded when suddenly his wand was in Snape's hand.

Immediately, Black drew his own wand, facing his nemesis. Lupin- who had seemed to grow himself sort of a backbone- reached out a placatory hand and rested it on Black's arm to prevent a fight.

"Let them be, Sirius. They're not worth you ending in detention again."

"Yeah, you should listen to your..." Raven bit her tongue before she could say _werewolf_, "um, friend. It's amazing that you're obviously too full of yourself to even realize you're a bad loser when you don't get what you want, and I am decidedly not available."

-o-

_Ouch, that hurt_. It felt like a slap in the face. Lestrange made him feel like a fool begging for attention, when in fact Sirius could have any girl he wanted. After all, he was popular while she wasn't. She should be overjoyed that he even glanced at her, in spite of her being a Slytherin- and yet, no other witch had ever refused him so boldly.

But it was like craving for forbidden fruit or the apples in neighbour's garden that always looked so very much more tempting. Sirius didn't really like Lestrange, nevertheless he wanted her just because she played so hard to get. He wasn't used to being turned down.

-o-

"You should be more careful around Black," Severus said as they were walking away from the Marauders, "I don't like the expression on his face, the way he stares at you so... so lewdly."

"Don't worry about my virtue, Sev. I most certainly do not intend to become one of his trophies." She heaved a sigh and continued in a whisper, "It's nice to be considered desirable though."

"Well, you definitely are a desirable witch, Raven." He wondered briefly why she had no boyfriend and was hanging around with him of all people. It never occurred to him that she might be in love with him, because when he thought of love he thought of Lily. "That's why you have to be careful. Black- you know, he's used to get what he wants."

"He's not a rapist," Raven gave to consider as she linked arms with Severus again, being quite touched that at least he'd called her desirable even though he seemed to be immune to her charms. Perhaps she should simply try a little harder to make him realize what he meant to her- but she was too scared of his response, that he might tell her he would only ever love Lily, and she really wasn't in the mood to hear that. "Although Black is decidedly too full of himself, I think he rather relies on his good looks and his oh-so-charming ways. Some witches do actually like that. Well, they also fawn on Lemminkainen and he isn't my kind of guy either."

Severus would have loved to know what her kind of guy should look like, but he didn't dare to ask because such a question was perhaps a tad too personal and most likely not appropriate to pose anyway. It was a pity, though, since he might have recognizes himself in her answer.

Nevertheless, he decided to keep an eye on her in case she was wrong with her evaluation of Black's character; he wouldn't let her walk empty corridors alone at night. Severus simply didn't trust any of the Marauders, given that they had made his life at Hogwarts a hell for too long already, and Raven was much too precious to him to let her become one of their victims.

Lily had often hated his fierce protectiveness; sometimes, she had even accused him of being overly protective or possessive- but Raven didn't seem to mind him watching over her. Actually, she seemed to enjoy him walking her to class and back, and he enjoyed it, too, being close to her.

-o-

Students that were of age were now allowed to leave Hogwarts on weekends; they were merely requested to sign a permission form. But on Hogsmeade weekends, formalities were hard enough to handle for the chaperoning teachers (they had to check parents' permissions as well as trying to keep the kids from harm) that any seventh year with an Apparation licence could simply disappear from their radar. Many Slytherins did so in order to meet with the Dark Lord, who was not as surreptitiously recruiting students straight from under Headmaster Dumbledore's nose as the latter might have wished.

Avery and Mulciber were boasting with their 'adventures' that night in the Slytherin common room, but Severus soon grew tired of listening to them. He didn't agree to their ideology and it made him feel sick to hear they actually considered hunting Muggles as a sport, just like Quidditch.

It seemed to him that things were getting out of control in the wizarding world, proportional to Lord Voldemort's constantly growing influence. The Ministry didn't do much about it, though. Their only reaction to an impeding war (which was likely to break out sooner or later) was to assign Bartemius Crouch as new head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.

* * *

_thanks to my most lovely, wonderful betas, hypnotic ink and alabaster princess_


	28. Merry XMas Everybody

28- Merry XMas Everybody

It was the first day of their Christmas holidays when Severus entered Jeffrey's record shop and was greeted by the man.

"Severus! So good to see you!" Jeffrey beamed at him. "What can I do for you, my friend? Coffee or tea while you take a look around?"

"No, thanks. Actually, I came here to look for a Christmas present. Are there any new releases Raven might be interested in?"

"Well, usually she comes here first after..." Jeffrey paused to frown as if something had just slipped his memory before he continued, "… after returning from that school of yours. It's strange... I've got the weird feeling I should know something about it but I can't seem to recall what it is""

Apparently, Raven had been very gentle when she had erased his memory, Severus thought. It was likely that one day, Jeffrey would remember all about them being magical. Severus wasn't certain if that was a good thing, but he would most definitely not tamper with Jeffrey's mind even more. Memory charms were tricky; a lot of harm could be done.

"There's nothing strange about our school," he said in order to keep Jeffrey from pondering about Hogwarts.

"I'm sorry, mate. I didn't mean to sound dismissive, but- never mind. So you're looking for a Christmas present, eh? I think I've got something special for a very special young lady."

Jeffrey didn't go rummaging through the boxes of records in the shop. Instead, he reached under the counter to produce a record which he showed to Severus. The cover read,

T. Rex

Glasgow Apollo

The date was printed in smaller letters; it was actually the 12th of March, 1977.

"That's the concert we went to." Severus realized. "I didn't know it was recorded then."

"It's a bootleg," Jeffrey whispered.

"I beg your pardon?"

"An unauthorized recording of a concert. Usually very rare and often not of a good quality, but this one is pretty brilliant. Raven will love it."

He really wanted to get her a present that she would love. Her friendship and acceptance of him meant so much to him, and he felt a sudden urge to reward her for the loyalty she had always shown towards him. But he knew as well that there was probably a snag in it if Jeffrey kept the record hidden behind his counter, and he also knew that 'very rare' was often just another phrase for very expensive- at least that was the case with most rare potion ingredients.

"How much?"

Jeffrey named the price and Severus almost choked on it. And yet, he wanted to get that record for Raven. It would make her smile and the world did always seem a so much brighter place when she smiled.

"That's not acceptable," he replied, wondering if he should possibly _Confund_ the Muggle or try to haggle with him.

"And what if I gave you a special price for a friend?" Jeffrey suggested another sum that was noticeably lower than the first, but still much more than Severus was able to pay.

Perhaps now was the perfect time for a nicely placed Confundus Charm? He glanced at Jeffrey and found his face as plain to read as an open book; he didn't even need the fine art of Legilimency to achieve his aim.

"Don't insult me, please. We both know that you want Raven to have this special record or otherwise you wouldn't have kept it hidden under your counter. Therefore, I would recommend you to give me a special price for a special friend."

Jeffrey laughed out loud. "All right, you've won. Forgive me for trying, though. Of course, I will let you the record for the price I paid myself, for Raven's sake. "

In the end, it was still more than Severus had intended to spend on a Christmas present, but at least he knew that she would really love it. After all, it was the very last recording of her favourite musician. It was also a memory pressed in vinyl of a concert they had been to together, and he treasured the memory of that evening.

"You know, Severus, you're a hard man to haggle with. And I'm glad you did so- although you're almost ruining me- but at least I know now that you really care about Raven. She deserves a good friend like you are..." Jeffrey fell silent, knowing that Severus was so much more to Raven than just a good friend- the girl was head over heels with that scrawny bloke in front of him, and now he understood why. He wasn't a looker in the common sense, but he was decidedly a faithful soul. "Anyways, do you have any plans for Christmas?"

"No, not yet," Severus replied cautiously.

"Well, you might want to tell Raven that there is a big event at the Roxy, a 48 hour party with a lot of live acts. I'll put you on the guest list, if you like."

-o-

"Anna called," Raven informed him when he came back home later. "She would like to invite us for Christmas dinner."

Severus groaned inwardly; he wasn't interested in meeting his father. But instead of simply declining the offer, he told Raven of the party Jeffrey had spoken about.

"Cool," she said, before she gave him a hesitant glance. "You want to go to that party?"

No, he'd rather spend his time with a good book, but since that was out of question, going to a punk rock party sounded decidedly more agreeable than meeting with father and his missus.

Meanwhile, Raven was inspecting her shoes. "Um... Sev? Did he... er, Jeffrey... say anything."

"Well, of course he did. I just told you we've been talking about this party."

"Silly! I mean... did he say anything about me? Is he mad at me?"

"Why should he be? You erased his memory- albeit rather sloppily, I might add. One day, he will remember that you're a witch and then you can worry about explaining it to him. Until then, it would be preferable if you reacted as casual as you usually do. Go and buy records."

That was something Raven didn't have to be told twice. She squealed, kissed Severus' cheek, and was out the door. His lips twitched as he smirked about her antics.

-o-

Jeffrey wasn't mad at her, she was going to spend the holidays with Severus and they would be going to a cool party- this year's Christmas held the promise to be the best ever. Raven was so happy, so excited. It didn't matter that there would be no traditional food for Christmas Lunch since she couldn't be bothered to stand in the kitchen all day in order to roast a turkey. Besides, she wasn't a good cook anyway. Being grown-up and living on your own wasn't always that easy; there was still a lot to learn. But she could make decent pasta and Severus was perfect at chopping ingredients for a salad.

She had bought Severus a cassette deck and had recorded some cassettes with songs he liked, so he could listen to music when he was in his room, brewing or reading. Raven hoped he would enjoy it and that it would be a nice surprise.

It was nothing in comparison to her surprise when she unwrapped his present. Due to its shape, she had already guessed it must be a record, but then she stared at the cover- and didn't know what to say. Instead, she just squealed. Only a moment later, Severus didn't know what to say because Raven was all over him, hugging him tightly, and he realized that he was holding the warm and soft body of a squealing witch in his arms, which was a rather nice feeling- in spite of the ear-piercing sound she uttered when she... kissed him.

Alright, it was more like a smacker. Or quite a few of them. And they landed not only on his cheeks, or on his forehead, but also on his lips. Raven Lestrange was kissing him straight on his lips! It caused a sensation he hadn't expected, and as much as he liked it, he thought that perhaps it wasn't entirely appropriate... not in the way of acting indecent according to the guidelines of proper pure-blood behaviour- he couldn't have cared less about that- but... it felt as if he was betraying Lily. _His body _was clearly betraying Lily. When had his love for her grown so weak?

Gently, he pushed Raven aside after having given her a chaste peck on the cheek. "I'm glad you seem to appreciate my present," Severus said.

"I love it, Sev!" She gushed, picking up the record and beaming at its cover. "This must be the best Christmas present I ever got. We just have to listen to it before we go to that party."

And so they listened to the bootleg album in companionable reminiscence of the concert they had visited together, while sitting under a plastic Christmas tree that was decorated in the Muggle style, with electric candles, shiny baubles and silver tinsel- it was so typically Raven to despise the wizarding way of decorating a Christmas tree with living beings (such as fairies.) Simply because she didn't consider it fair to press a poor fairy into servitude.

As if a fairy was not a vain creature of limited intelligence that just loved to allow itself to be abused as decoration.

-o-

It was quite a strange little group that walked the neon-lit streets of London, heading for Neal Street in Covent Garden, where the Roxy was situated; it was the most notorious punk rock club of those days. They definitely attracted the attention of the odd passers-by, which were mostly festively dressed Muggles returning from their Christmas activities and they would often get to the other side of the road when they spotted the group of dubious people.

There was Jeffrey, of course, and there were some friends that had gathered at his place, drinking beers while waiting to leave, and for once, Severus was not the one that people were staring it. He was not the freak. At least not in a group that included Andy with his bright yellow Mohawk, or Sid, who had safety pins pierced through his cheeks. Rob was Jeffrey's best friend; he had long black hair and a vast collection of Black Sabbath t-shirts (Severus had never seen him wearing anything else.) Rob's wife, Joanna, looked almost exactly like her spouse, and Edie was a peroxide blonde with long legs in deliberately torn nylons, wearing a too short skirt and combat boots. And last but not least there was Raven, dressed all in black (which suited her quite well) today- well, except for her platform boots, which were silver and spangled with blue stars. Although Glam Rock was dead (apparently it had died with Marc Bolan, as Jeffrey had pointed out) she didn't seem to bother but would still be wearing her favourite boots.

While Severus was pondering whether her independent style was endearing or embarrassing, or if he truly cared about any of that at all, they were walking past a cinema that was just spilling out the visitors of its latest showing. 'Saturday Night Fever' was emblazoned in big letters over the entrance.

All of a sudden he stopped dead in his tracks, because he had spotted two familiar faces in the crowd. Lily Evans and James Potter.

His Lily!

In London!

With Potter of all people...

It came like a blow below the belt, although- to be honest- it wasn't that much of a surprise to see them together since they had already been as thick as thieves at Hogwarts... well, _thieves_ was probably not the right word in that phrase, given that they were the popular representatives of the student body, namely Head boy and Head girl... He just hadn't expected to be confronted with the fact that they were actually an item here, in London, and to him it felt as if they were deliberately invading his privacy, spoiling his so far quite agreeable evening by rubbing that sorry fact straight into his face. To make things worse, he couldn't just walk by, pretending he hadn't noticed them, because Potter would never miss a chance to belittle him.

"_Snivellus_!" His nemesis hissed, staring straight at him.

Even in a crowd of a million people, the insufferable Quidditch champion would always make him out. Just out of pure spite and with no other intention but to make his very existence a misery. Never before had he been so aware of his plain clothes than today, coming face to face with Potter so elegantly dressed in his Muggle suit and tie, which seemed to match perfectly with Lily's pretty silk gown...

-o-

"Snivellus!" James hissed, and Lily elbowed him immediately. It wasn't because her boyfriend was calling her former best friend names; it was more because she didn't like the kind of people Snape was hanging around with. They looked scary, almost as dangerous as Death Eaters, and probably they were Death Eaters in disguise. One couldn't tell for sure and it was always better to be safe than sorry. She really didn't want her perfect evening with James to be spoiled by a fight if that was still avoidable.

So she took his arm and begged him to simply walk on without inciting any useless quarrel. "Come on, James, let them be. They're not worth us getting into trouble."

-o-

"Oooh Jamie, be a good boy, please." Andy teased, imitating her voice quite well. It sounded shrilly to Severus ' ears, not like Lily's sweet voice, and yet Andy seemed to have hit the tone.

"Yeah, don't mess with nasty punks, Jamie," Sid cut in, standing close to Severus. "What did ye call me friend, ye posh wanker?"

-o-

James chose to not respond. Protectively, he wrapped an arm around Lily's shoulder and fingered for his wand. Then he recalled where he was, and that he couldn't just hex people in the middle of Muggle London. Besides, Snape and his miscreants hadn't drawn their wands either- probably for the very same reason. After all, the Statute of Secrecy had to be considered.

But what was Snape doing in Muggle London?

"Ye might be the Earl of Fuck-Me-Dead, but I won't allow ye to insult our Thin White Duke!" A girl snapped; she had unnatural blonde hair and looked like a harlot in her short skirt.

James didn't really understand what she was saying, but he took a step backwards. Although he would have liked to play the hero for Lily, he was clearly outnumbered by Snape's cronies.

-o-

Had the circumstances been any different, Severus would have hated the fact that some Muggles were standing up for him, defending his pride. But he enjoyed Potter's reaction too much to bother about that. Never before had he seen the popular Quidditch champion flinch as he was doing now. Perhaps Potter didn't know that they were just Muggles, or- and that idea was even more entertaining- the big bully was actually kind of... _subdued_ when he wasn't surrounded by his Marauder friends. Severus smirked at that.

But when he saw Potter wrapping a protective arm around Lily, his face fell and he would have loved to kill his nemesis.

-o-

"If we're done here, why don't we simply go on?" Raven said. She had watched the scene unfold with her hand at the handle of her wand, ready to interfere should things have gotten out of control. Fortunately, though, the interaction between Severus and Potter hadn't resulted in a fight.

"Let's go on," Jeffrey agreed, but he was shaking his head as if he was silently pondering about something that seemed to have slipped his mind.

Apparently, Severus had been right when telling her she had performed a rather sloppy Memory Charm on Jeffrey.

Only a little later, none of them was thinking about the recent incident anymore since they had entered the Roxy club and the first band was already playing. After all, they had come here to listen to music and to have fun.

-o-

Severus wasn't having much fun. Although he did enjoy the music- its hard beats seemed to take away some of his raging anger towards Potter- he nevertheless couldn't get that picture out of his head. The way Potter had wrapped his bloody arm around Lily, so deliberately possessive that it still bugged him tremendously. Because Lily had let it happen. And even more so, _his_ Lily had actually snuggled up to that berk, to the very same one who had made his time at Hogwarts such a misery.

Hadn't they agreed that they would always be friends, no matter what? Hadn't they dreamed about finishing their academical education there, them being the best at every class, and then... And then? When she had daydreamed of her perfect wedding day, he had always thought she was talking about him being the groom. What had happened to their dreams? Why had everything gone so fucking wrong?

"Ye seem to be troubled," someone whispered in his ear, and Severus turned around to gaze into Edie's face. She was quite a pretty girl, despite the way she was dressed.

"I'm fine," he snapped.

"Nah, ye're not," Edie said cocksure. "It's because of that red-haired chick, eh? Strange, and I always thought that ye and Raven- but never mind. D'ye know her from school?"

Since Severus wasn't interested in a conversation, he merely nodded.

"Lemme guess, she's very popular."

Again, Severus nodded.

"And that bloke, the posh wanker who thinks he's somewhat special, he's probably the captain of yer football team."

He answered in the affirmative without telling her that the game was called Quidditch at his school since the basic idea of her assumption was correct.

"Ye know, Severus- forget about her. I know these sort of girls and they always mean trouble. The more ye adore them, the more adoration they demand and then they use ye and drop ye like a bloody hot potato when they don't need ye anymore, 'cause all they want is to climb the social ladder."

"Lily is not like that," Severus hissed indignantly.

"Stop fooling yerself. Ye deserve better 'cause contrary to posh princess Lily, ye've got style. Ye're quite adorable in yer very own way, and lemme tell ye something, Severus- the best way to forget 'bout heartbreak is to go on and have fun... if ye know what I mean."

He was actually fairly clueless until Edie moved closer and kissed him. His eyes widened.

_Oh sweet Merlin!_

This wasn't just a chaste kiss, not a simple peck on the cheek. It involved tongues and... it was definitely exciting. A girl was snogging him. Thoroughly. And he enjoyed it. At least for a while, but then he had to come up for air. Edie was now nuzzling his neck, and that felt quite good, too; it caused a sensation in his entire body that was just as wonderful as it was- _wrong_.

_What am I doing here? _Although his body encouraged him to move on and allow himself the fun she was proposing, he nevertheless managed to not give in to his needs. Because it just felt wrong. Edie was a lovely girl but he wasn't interested in her; he didn't love her. And so he gently pushed her away.

-o-

Raven felt a sharp pang of jealousy when she had to watch him kissing another girl that wasn't even Lily, his only true love, and so she tried to compensate her frustration by turning to the guy who was sitting next to her at the bar. The one who had been trying to chat her up the moment she had entered the Roxy. Candy-coating him, she would even say he was handsome. His kiss didn't mean anything to her. Snogging him was just an act of defiance, a way to get over her feeling of hurt.

All of a sudden, someone was tapping her on the shoulder.

"I'm leaving," Severus said, shooting her a disapproving glance- as if he actually possessed the audacity to take offence in her snogging... whoever.

"Alright. Have fun," she replied brusquely, half-expecting him to leave with Edie, and the very idea was almost making her sick with jealousy. But then she saw him leaving the club alone.

Immediately, she wasn't interested in pursuing that little game she was playing with- whatever his name was- any more. She pushed him away without giving him a reason for her sudden disinterest in him (although he was quite a capable kisser) and hurried to follow Severus. If she had probably misinterpreted his interaction with Edie, he might have taken her act of defiance just as wrong.

Raven would have caught up with Severus if not for Edie. Her first impulse was to hex the obnoxious girl because she had been bold enough to simply grab and kiss him. To Edie, it was just a game; she didn't love him like Raven did and therefore she could just act without having to fear any devastating rejection.

Life wasn't fair. And because she was acting stupidly anyway, she let herself get carried away by a rush of emotions as she grabbed Edie by the collar of her low-cut shirt, to give her a well-meant warning. Leaning closer to her until their noses almost touched, she hissed, "If you ever touch Severus again, I'll break every fucking bone in your body and leave you writhing on the floor in pain so unbearable you cannot even imagine."

To Raven's surprise, Edie had the nerve to smile at her. "Ah, so I wasn't that wrong 'bout ye and Severus, eh? Hey, calm down and don't ye worry, luv; _**I**_'m _**not**_ yer rival. Had I known ye're seriously interested in him, I wouldn't have touched him. What ye should rather worry about, though, is that posh red-haired chick."

Raven let go of Edie. Now that was just what she had needed- to be reminded of his love (as unrequited as it may be) for Lily Evans.

Damn!

-o-

As she was walking the streets of London, Raven came to the decision that she finally had to tell Severus about her feelings for him. But when she entered her flat a little later, she got distracted by an owl pecking at the kitchen window. She let it in. The owl fluttered around the kitchen, hooting with indignation because it had been kept waiting; then it landed atop the kitchen table. It was a large, dark eagle owl that Raven wasn't familiar with; she seldom received any owl post nowadays. So perhaps it was for Severus? She wanted to call him but the very same moment he entered the kitchen, staring at her in surprise as if he wanted to say 'what are you doing here?'

Well, it was her flat. She had every right to be here, thank you very much. But at least he seemed to appreciate her Christmas present. Since he had let the door of his room ajar, she could hear the music coming from it; it was something loud and angry. Punk rock. Probably the cassette Jeffrey had given him for Christmas, which had caused a slightly awkward situation earlier this evening.

He arched a brow at her. "What happened to what's-his-name?"

"I don't know," Raven replied with a shrug before she pointed at the eagle owl that was watching their interaction with cantankerous yellow eyes. "There's an owl."

"A very astute observation."

"Yep, I always manage to surprise myself. Are you expecting any mail from one of your Slytherin friends?"

"What makes you believe it's for me?"

_You're both wearing the same sullen expression, _she thought but didn't speak it out loud. _Was his crabby mood only due to his encounter with posh Princess Lily the Angelic? _

"If you were a little more observant, Lestrange, you might have noticed that the letter is actually for you."

"Oh really? How come you know?"

"Unlike you, I am capable of the fine art of... reading."

_Why is he being so damned snarky towards me?_She hadn't done anything wrong. She had merely failed to notice that there was indeed her name written on the parchment the owl was carrying. But as she reached out for it the owl decided to peck at her finger.

"Ouch!" Raven cried out, sucking at her bleeding forefinger. "You stupid... poultry! Do you want to end up plucked and roasted as a belated Christmas dinner?"

Severus rolled his eyes heavenwards at her silliness, groaned quietly, and fetched a treaty for the owl from one of the cupboards. After having swallowed it greedily, the owl deigned to have the parchment removed from its leg. He unrolled it- and was amazed to see something solid falling out of it, which soon enlarged itself to become a book. Silently admiring such clever magic that didn't even require an Engorgement Charm, he scanned the letter for a signature and wasn't surprised at all to see it was from Professor Steel.

_Dear Miss Lestrange,_ he read before he quickly shoved the letter into her hands. Severus was about to leave the kitchen so she could read it on her own, but he didn't get far. Raven reached out to grasp his arm, making him stay.

"_Dear Miss Lestrange, I hope this letter finds you and Mr Snape well, and I'm wishing you both a very happy Christmas,"_ she read out loud, trying not to sound nervous because Severus was so close as he glanced over her shoulder; a strand of his hair was touching her neck. Meanwhile, in the background of his room, the Sex Pistols were singing about Anarchy in the U.K. "_Please apologize my long silence; I didn't mean to be disregardful but you know I am quite a busy witch due to my profession. _

_Considering our last conversation- if I remember correctly, you proposed to me a query which I couldn't properly reply to in a satisfactory way back then, given that it concerned a topic I wasn't entirely familiar with. _

_Needless to say, I researched into that matter and eventually found a book that should be able to still your curiosity. Now it's up to you to make the most of it, but don't rush things. Remember you're a Slytherin._

_With kind regards,_

_Alice Steel'_

"Ah, it's so good she finally replied! Merlin, I really miss her. She was the best Defence against the Dark Arts teacher we ever had, wasn't she?"

"She was competent indeed." Severus said. He picked up the book to read its title before he handed it to Raven with a frown.

_Running with the Pack- my Life amongst Wolves _by_ D.J. Hirsch_.

It was story of a natural scientist, who was a wizard and an Animagus with a fascination for wolves- probably because his Animagus form was a wolf. So Hirsch had studied the social interaction of wolves by morphing into his Animagus form and joining a pack of wolves.

Why Hirsch's life with these creatures was supposed to be supportive in finding an answer to the question of why the Marauders didn't seem to fear their werewolf buddy was beyond Severus. He let the book to Raven and chose to brew up a pot of tea for them; most likely, this was going to be a long night.

"Look at that!" Raven chimed up all of a sudden as she showed him the table of contents.

Chapter eleven was titled, _True Wolves and The Others_.

"Open that chapter," Severus told her as he sat down next to her with two mugs of steaming hot tea.

In companionable silence they were reading about The Others- wolves, that only joined the pack at full moon. They looked different than the True Wolves Hirsch was familiar with, and according to his description (pointing out the small distinguishing characteristics like the shape of the snout, the eye colour or the tufty tail) it soon became obvious that The Others were in fact werewolves.

"Strange, they seem to act like normal wolves," Raven gave to consider after having read half of the chapter. She lit a cigarette, apparently tired of reading more about the social life of whatever wolf in general. "I had expected them be more... beast-like."

"Definitely- ah, but here Hirsch describes their different reaction in regard to the human scent. While the True Wolves tend to rather shy at it, The Others seem to get agitated, almost mad with bloodthirstiness by the smell of human blood." Severus shuddered involuntarily, recalling his near fatal encounter with the werewolf Lupin. He had seen the very same thirst for human blood in the yellow orbs of his _class-mate_, had heard the raw and untamed growl coming from its throat as the beast had lunged at him with sharp claws and an animalistic hunger...

"True, but apparently The Others weren't keen on Hirsch's blood, otherwise he wouldn't have lived to tell his story."

"Well, he was in his wolf form."

"Nonetheless, he is human."

"Not when he's in his Animagus form. You should have paid better attention in Transfiguration. Professor McGonagall explained it once- it must have been at the very beginning of our academic life at Hogwarts. She amazed us all when we entered the classroom and saw a tabby cat sitting at the teacher's desk and then she changed back into her human form. I remember Lily asking her if she would actually eat mice when she's a tabby. Professor McGonagall didn't answer that question; she just smiled at Lily- but I swear I saw her briefly licking her lips in a very catlike way."

"Ugh, that's gross. I must have missed that- fortunately, I was late for my first Transfiguration lesson. Just to imagine that one of my professors goes hunting mice at night..."

"Get that image out of your head and focus on werewolves and Animagi again. This book here contains the clue why the Marauders don't fear their werewolf friend, and the answer is quite simple. They have learned to become Animagi themselves."

"No!" Raven gasped while her mind was trying to digest the enormity of his assumption, even if she knew he was probably right. "That can't be," she spluttered, "it's not... well, it is possible, but... I mean, they would be boasting with it if it were true and..."

And they did boast with it, she realized, recalling the nicknames they were using. Prongs, Padfoot, Wormtail and Moony. Well, Lupin was unmistakably Moony because he would turn into a werewolf at full moon, but she doubted that Black's nickname Padfoot had anything to do with his human feet.

"But, um, don't they have to be registered if they are Animagi?"

Severus arched a mocking brow at her as he nonchalantly replied with a rhetorical question, "Are the Marauders rule breakers?"

"Merlin's hairy bollocks! Do you think Dumbledore knows?"

"Would it matter anyway? He's patronizing the werewolf so he will also hold his protective hand over his most favourite Gryffindors. Probably he's even proud they managed to become Animagi at such a young age, which is rather uncommon. Usually, it requires years of intense training."

"Well, Black and Potter do excel in Transfiguration," Raven gave to consider before she furrowed her brows. "But Pettigrew?"

"Nevertheless, we have to inform the Board of Governors. If they really are unregistered Animagi, they will finally be expelled!"

"Nonsense! Do you honestly believe that Dumbledore will let that happen? They're his star pupils, as you mentioned quite correctly. All they ever have to fear is a fatherly- or rather _grand-fatherly_- frown and after they've promised to be good boys, he will let the matter rest. Perhaps they'll have to pay a fee for not registering, and then they will be rewarded for their great achievement. Ten-thousand points for Gryffindor.

"So no, Sev, we will not inform the Board of Governors. At least not until we have sound evidence to back our speculations, and at the moment all we do have are some vague leads. For instance, we still don't know the Animagus forms of the Marauders."

_She's right_, Severus thought- as much as he hated to admit that- and he groaned inwardly, wishing it would be easier to get the Marauders expelled. But would the fulfilment of his wish really solve his problem? Would it change Lily's mind about Potter if she knew he was an Animagus? Probably not. Most likely, she would be impressed.

_Perhaps, I should also try to become an Animagus... _

On the other hand, what if he actually endured the tedious effort to become an Animagus and then found out that his animal form was less impressive than Potters?

Raven was definitely right. They had to find out more about the Animagus forms of the Marauders.

"Alright, what clues do we have?"

"At the moment?" She sighed. "Well, only their nicknames. Potter is Prongs, Black is Padfoot, Pettigrew is Wormtail. Now, with whatever association do you come up when you hear those names?"

Wormtail was probably the easiest. Severus suggested it might be a very small snake or even an earthworm, to which Raven agreed because she didn't want to imagine the other alternative that came to her naughty mind, thinking it could also mean he wasn't well equipped. Shuddering, she quickly dispelled that thought before it made her sick- she so didn't want to mentally visualize Pettigrew's private parts since he was such an awfully creepy guy.

They didn't get any further that night. Both Prongs and Padfoot were suitable names to characterise a variety of animals, but they couldn't tell for sure without more clues.

In the end, they gave up taxing their brains over something they couldn't find out now anyway. At least not tonight, in their London flat. The answers to their questions would have to wait until they were back at Hogwarts, where they could make further investigations. They were determined to solve that riddle.

And since there were more pressing matters occupying her mind now, Raven forgot that she had wanted to tell Severus of her feelings for him. It simply wasn't the right time for romantic confessions.

* * *

_thanks to Alabaster Princess and hypnotic ink for beta reading_


	29. I wanna be your dog

Thanks for reading, reviewing, favouring me and putting this on alert.

Thanks to Alabaster Princess and hypnotic ink for beta reading.

Now on with the show.

* * *

29- I wanna be your dog

_London, 27__th__ December 1977_

_Dear Professor Steel,_

_I hope you had a merry Christmas. Thank you so much for your letter and the very interesting book. Did you really mean to insinuate that the Marauders are Animagi?_

_Yours,_

_Raven Lestrange_

-o-

Anna called again the day before New Year's Eve. Apparently, Severus' father had plans to sell the house at Spinner's End, but was still hesitant because he needed his son's agreement in order to proceed and didn't know how to broach the subject. Admittedly, it was kind of difficult to handle those things when you're not on speaking terms, and thus Anna and Raven became the mediators in that matter. It was already obvious that Severus would not want to move into Spinner's End, so that wasn't the problem when it came to selling the house.

"Anna said, Tobias asked if you would like to keep anything of the old stuff?"

Severus sneered; he could live well without his oh-so-bloody-brilliant childhood memories. "Tell her to tell him I'm not interested."

"Anna said, Tobias said you might be interested in your mother's old books."

Ah, books were always a bait he simply couldn't resist, although he was still not keen on meeting neither father nor his mistress. "Tell them to keep the books; I will come and collect them one day."

There was a vague memory of mother reading those books to him. If he remembered correctly, they spoke of magic and held the promise of power, of his way to get out of that Muggle dunghill called Spinner's End...

"Wait!" He called out, all of the sudden realizing that they were talking about some old magical tomes which might be dangerous for Muggles to even touch. When mother had read to him from these books, it had never been for pure joy alone or because she was such a loving mother- instead, her sole intention must have been to pitch her pure-blood ideology to him. Well, she'd failed in that just as miserable as in being a caring mother. "Tell them to not touch the books."

Raven rolled her eyes and covered the microphone of the receiver with her hand before she turned to face him. "I told them so already. Merlin! Sev, I'm not totally daft! I know that magical books can be dangerous."

"I never said you're daft. Tell them we'll Apparate to Spinner's End and fetch the books tonight. He can still sell the house tomorrow- given than anyone in his sane state of mind is actually willing to buy it."

-o-

Eileen Snape would have had a fit, could she see her son now. Her books were stored away in a cardboard box in a corner of his room, still being untouched. Instead of seeking the company of well-established, traditional members of the wizarding society, he was hanging around with a group of Muggle punks, and he enjoyed it (well, at least as much as he _enjoyed_ socializing with anyone in general).

Christmas holidays ended quite early this year. Only a few days after New Year's Day, they were already back at Hogwarts, back to a landscape beautifully covered in snow. Raven and Severus, however, weren't much impressed by the white beauty of the grounds. They were counting the days until the next full moon (which was unfortunately still more than a fortnight ahead), hoping that it wouldn't thaw so they could probably discover the footprints of some specific animals in the snow.

Both of them were excited on figuring out the secrets of the Marauders.

-o-

_Los Angeles, 11__th__ January 1978_

_Miss Lestrange,_

_use your brains and don't rush things. Avoid roaming the grounds at full moon._

_Alice Steel_

-o-

Raven kept that wise advice in mind. At full moon, Severus and she were waiting atop the Astronomy Tower, waiting for something to happen down on the snowy grounds. It was already long past curfew, when all of a sudden a group of three (three?) animals emerged from that tunnel below the Whomping Willow and started to chase each other around while heading towards the Forbidden Forest. All too soon, they disappeared from sight.

Severus let out a frustrated groan- although the moon was high up in the skies and its light was being reflected by the snow to make the night look quite bright actually, in the end he had been too far away to make out any of the Marauder's Animagi forms. He felt tempted to throw safety overboard and storm down the staircase and out the main front door just to see where they had gone...

Raven stopped him from overreacting (knowing how strong his desire was to get them expelled) by taking a tight hold of his arm. "Sev, don't! Whatever you're up to, just don't. It's much too dangerous..."

He stumbled against her and they locked eyes, which in some weird way was dangerous, too- he was so close and his eyes were so dark and his lips looked so very, very tempting to kiss.

"You're right," he said, spoiling the moment by pointing out that he wasn't a rash Gryffindor berk and that it had never been his intention to hurry after a group of animals; especially not if one of them was a dangerous beast, a werewolf. "We will wait until the morning and then we can still investigate their Animagi forms by exploring their footsteps."

It was a good idea, but kissing him would have been an even better one. Raven sighed. After all, she _was_ damned curious to find out what kind of animal nature was hidden behind their nicknames.

Alas, when morning dawned, it did so unnoticed since the sky had clouded over in the meantime, and those clouds were heavy with snow. And with each and every snowflake that was falling, their chance of analysing some animal footsteps in the snow was getting slimmer. by the minute. Soon, all of their tracks would be covered.

And yet, it was still kind of easy to spot those of a wolf, simply because she had studied them extensively by reading Hirsch's book on wolves over and over again.

Then, Raven discovered a track that looked similar to that that of the werewolf. "Hm," she mused, nibbling at her lips, "Padfoot could have been anything with paws but now I think he's a canine."

"I never expected him to be a golden lion anyway, despite him being a Gryffindor," Severus sneered.

"Right, there isn't anything feline in his personality..."

"What personality?"

Raven flashed him an amused smile. "Ah, you know what I mean."

"Felines have a certain natural grace, which Black most definitely lacks, and he is such a loyal mate to Potter that he can only be a canine. Besides, he acts like a bitch on heat when he sets eyes on you."

Severus couldn't hide his disgust, and she thought it funny that he sounded so possessive, almost jealous... Raven heaved a sigh and decided to not interpret too much into his quirks; they were just friends and he only loved Lily Evans. It was wiser to simply pay attention to the footprints in the snow before they were gone. And while mulling over what kind of animal Prongs might be, she suddenly spotted something else entirely. Some very tiny footprints, almost hidden beneath the fresh snow.

"Look at that!" She exclaimed. "We only saw three animals emerging the tunnel, but of course there had to be four- four Marauders, four nicknames, four animals. It's just that the fourth was too small to be seen from the Astronomy Tower."

"Indeed." Severus used a spell that caused a very gentle breeze to _breathe_ over the snow so that the tiny footprints were visible more clearly.

Raven stared at him in awe- he was such a clever wizard, and probably he had just came up with that spell.

"It looks like a rodent's," he said, snapping her out of her reverie.

"Yep... um, you're right. So Wormtail is not a serpent. Actually, he's a much too creepy guy to be a serpent- well, at least in a world where there's no snake-like looking Dark Lord, since Lord V is definitely the most creepy looking guy and-"

"Lestrange, stop babbling."

"Sorry, Sev," she blushed slightly when she noticed that she was indeed babbling. Nonsense. Clearing her throat, Raven continued more focussed on the matter in hand. "Alright, so what do we get when we add the wormtail to a rodent?"

"A filthy little rat."

"Yeah, that seems to match with his character quite well. I'm wondering..." lost in thoughts, she fell silent.

"You're wondering what?" Severus inquired.

"It's just... had Pettigrew been Sorted into any other house, would he still be friends with Potter and Black- or is he just friends with them because he happened to be available, since they're all sharing the same dormitory? But never mind. What about the fourth track?"

Meanwhile, there were hardly any footprints visible anymore, due to the continually falling snow, and even when he used his spell again, all they could see was a vague imprint

"Well, as it seems, Prongs is an even-toed ungulate," Raven concluded, sounding not all too happy about the ambiguity of her observation, because even-toed ungulates were a group of animals that included pigs, camels, deer, giraffes, antelopes, goats and even hippopotamuses. "He could be... whatever."

"Imagine the way he's strutting the corridors as if Hogwarts belongs to him." Severus gave to consider. "And I guess he's got some sort of antlers."

"That rules out the hippopotamuses."

"True," he flashed her an almost smile before he ruled out camels and giraffes as well, simply because the first had no antlers and the second were too long-necked to not have noticed that from atop the Astronomy Tower. "I'd place my bet on some member of the Cervidae family. Perhaps a reindeer?"

"No, reindeers don't strut; they pull sleighs like that of Santa, and when I hear reindeer, I always have to think of Rudolph."

"Rudolph?"

"The red-nosed Reindeer- Sev, I'm sure you know that song."

Severus tried to imagine Potter with a big red nose and smirked. "I still believe he's some kind of deer, though. A stag."

"Bambi, the Prince of the Forest- well, that would at least explain his strutting around as if the castle belongs to him."

-o-

Snuffles was a dog that every witch, and even every Muggle girl would fawn over- that much was sure. Simply because he was so cute, always wagging his tail, being a good dog. He was irresistible.

Snuffles woofed goodbye to his friend (who was shaking his head) and made his way to Hogsmeade.

It was Valentine's day.

-o-

Raven and Severus had agreed to meet at the lake for a picnic; the day was too beautiful to spend it in the library. The sun was shining from a clear blue sky and it was already quite warm for February.

While he just wanted to quickly drop in at the bookshop, she visited Hogsmeade's only grocery to buy some fruit, bread, cheese and a bottle of wine. When she left the shop with a big bag in her arms, Severus was nowhere to be seen, but she saw a big black dog sitting at the next corner. It was wagging its tail as she walked by.

It was typical of Severus to forget time when he was in a bookshop, so Raven decided to proceed to the lake in order to wait for him there. She thought nothing of it when she noticed the dog was following her. It was typical dog behaviour to follow a bag that smelled of food.

Arriving at their favourite place at the shore, Raven sat down on a blanket she had enlarged, and lit a cigarette. The dog had lied down a short distance away but it seemed as if it was inching closer on its stomach when she wasn't looking.

"What do you want, you big flea-ridden beastie?"

The dog woofed.

"No, I'm not willing to share my food with you. Besides, mutts don't like cheese and grapes anyway."

The dog hung its head, whining. Then it grovelled closer to her and rolled all over in the grass until its belly pointed heavenwards and so did all four legs. It was a clear invitation for her to rub its belly.

Raven chuckled at its antics. The mutt gave her a pleading glance and started whining again, sounding as pathetic as only dogs could. Oh, it was so begging for her attention.

Finally, she deigned to give in and pat the dog's belly, which seemed to make it very happy. Much too happy, actually, because she could see now that it was a male dog. Ugh. Although she liked dogs in general, they were also bothersome creatures- especially when they stuck their noses in places that were off-limits.

Raven decided she had given it enough attention and pulled the bottle of wine out of the bag, opening it. The dog rolled over and was now watching her with its head between its paws.

"You don't like wine either," she told it.

As if the dog could understand her words, it woofed.

"I hope that means no. And now that we've agreed that there isn't anything for you in my bag, you can go and run to tell your master or mistress what a poor starving creature you are."

If she didn't pay the dog any more attention, it would certainly leave sooner or later- or so she thought as she pulled a book out of her pockets and opened it. But before she could focus on the text, she felt something moist touching her hand. It was the mutt's nose. Apparently, the black dog didn't like to be ignored. Somehow, it managed to shove its furry head underneath her palm so that she was almost forced to pet it.

Raven ruffled its fur. "My, you really are a nuisance."

The dog started making those funny whining noises again; they would have sounded almost heartbreaking, had she cared for it.

"I never thought that any dog could really make sounds as pathetic as Lassie."

All of a sudden, the dog sat up and growled dangerously. The very same moment, she heard Severus asking, "Who's Lassie?"

Raven jumped to her feet to welcome her friend and give him a friendly peck on the cheek. She didn't see the dog wiping its face with one paw, as if that scene was kind of appalling.

"Lassie's the world's- well, at least the Muggle world's- most famous dog; she's Collie from a TV series and she makes the same pathetic noises as that dog."

Severus frowned at the big black dog. "And how did you come upon that one?"

"Well, it followed me from the grocery. Apparently, our picnic smells delicious to the beast."

It woofed again, wagging its tail when glancing at Raven although it still appeared remarkably less friendly towards Severus. And suddenly it dawned upon Raven. There was something wrong with the dog's eyes for they weren't really dog's eyes. They were Sirius Black's eyes.

Immediately, she drew her wand and directed it at the dog. "_Aguamenti_!"

It was such a simple little spell, and yet so very effective. A jet of water shot from her wand and soaked to dog to the bone.

Severus was by her side now, muttering, _"Incarcerous!"_

Now the dog wasn't only soaking wet but also wrapped tightly in thick ropes. It didn't even know whether to whine or to growl as it bared its teeth at Severus, who was in a decidedly better position, though. He poked his wand into the dog's ribs, wishing he really were a down-and-dirty, Dark-Arts-loving wizard that didn't scruple to torture or kill innocent animals. Instead, he just gave the pathetic creature a well-meant warning.

"I know who you are, Black. I know that you and your precious friends are unregistered Animagi, but I believe that that knowledge is better used as a leverage against you instead of making it public." He grinned sardonically at the dog's miserable expression, for it was plain to see that even in dog form, Black understood him quite well. "And in favour for me not tattling your little secret to the Ministry or the Board of Governors, I expect you and your ill-bred friends to leave us alone. No more hexing in the corridors, no more naughty advances towards Miss Lestrange. Did I make myself clear? You're allowed to woof now."

The big black dog that was Sirius Black let out a piteously sounding bark.

Severus turned to Raven, a mischievous little smile tugging at his lips. "Is there anything you would like to add?"

"Can we keep him that way until school's out?"

The dog whined.

"You fancy having a flea-ridden, mangy mutt?"

"Well, thinking about it, he is rather pathetic."

"Very much so."

"And perhaps he is of better use for us when he's in his human form." Aiming her wand at the dog, Raven spoke the counter-curse and the ropes fell off the dog.

The beast had the nerve to growl at her, but since she held a wand in her hand there wasn't much he could do. Slowly, he retreated by crawling backwards, always keeping a sharp eye on the humans and baring his fangs. Of course, Black would make a big show even when he was actually defeated.

A shower of sparks came shooting from Severus' wand, making the mutt run; for a moment the smell of scorched wet fur was in the air.

"His backside isn't that gorgeous anymore when all furry and his tail is between his legs... um," Raven blushed ever so slightly and turned to glance at Severus. "I hope it wasn't your favourite pastime as a kid, setting sparks at the furs of animals to see if they do burn?"

"Some kids in the neighbourhood did actually do that, but I preferred reading a book over torturing animals," he replied in all earnestness and was surprised when Raven laughed. "What?"

"You're so cu... cunning... um, I mean, I was just kidding. I know you'd never torture innocent animals and I most certainly don't consider you singeing Black's fur as torment- I'd rather call it retaliation. Probably, I shouldn't feel that way and be less gleeful about it, but wasn't it just fun to see that usually so cocksure git so... so subdued now? And isn't it good to know we've been right about his Animagus form?"

"I told you he's a canine."

"Yeah, well, so _you_'ve been right. Anyway, had Professor Steel never send us that book, and hadn't we ever talked about Animagi, I might have actually liked the dog. I wouldn't have noticed there was anything amiss with it. What I don't understand, though, is why he came begging for my attention."

"Isn't that obvious?" Severus replied. "He made it quite clear- more than once- that he is... er, physically interested in you..."

"You can say he wants to fuck me. Yeah, I do know that. But why not try to get another rebuff by saying something stupid like he usually does. Why was he in dog form?" Suddenly, she shuddered. "Ugh, you don't have to reply to that, Sev."

"I am not familiar with the way the Marauders are ticking, especially not when they're in their Animagi forms, but given that they're always very boastful when it comes to their dubious talents, I hazard the guess they're so convinced of their own specialness and therefore everybody else must think them irresistible, too. It is likely that Black believes himself to be the cutest dog ever, when in fact he's naught more but a mangy mongrel. And since he's much too conceited, he may have thought he could win your acceptance by presenting himself in his Animagus form-"

"But to what point and purpose? He can't actually expect me to fuck him because he's such a cute dog- which he isn't- and besides, it's just gross to think I'd ever fuck a dog."

"Ahem," Severus cleared his throat, feeling more and more uncomfortable with the topic of their conversation, and even more so since he somehow _understood_ Black's desire for her. Hell, there were times when even he couldn't ignore this strange yearning for physical contact- although he treasured her personality too much to ever reduce her to a plaything for his needs, like Black did. Severus would never propose to have a fleeting sexual encounter in a broom closet with her. After all, she was his best friend.

He sat down on the blanket she had spread over the grass and produced a book from his bag. "We really should start revising now."

-o-

Snuffles took off without ever looking back. Only after he had run about half the distance to the castle, he allowed himself to stop for a moment in order to shake his fur thoroughly, sending fountains of drops of water into the air.

"Awww, look what a cute dog!" A girl cried out in delight and she went over to pet him. Life wasn't that bad, even if things had gone so very wrong. Her friend joined her, and together they were ruffling through his thick black coat.

"Awww, you're so fluffy, aren't you?"

Ah, that went down like butter on a hot toast. So he hadn't lost his touch yet. He yapped and pressed his cool moist nose into feminine hands, inhaling their scent. _Wonderful_... they smelled so good, so ripe..

Evangeline Hamilton and Penelope Crews were two quite pretty looking sixth years, and they seemed to be captured by his charms. Perhaps, there was still an option to have a satisfying evening, given that both girls were actually in Gryffindor but had apparently managed to slip his radar until now. Or he'd simply been too fixated on that Slytherin bitch. Bah! He should have known better. No good would ever come from Slytherin house, no matter how damnable sexy she was.

o-

_Hogwarts, 19__th__ February 1978_

_Dear Professor Steel,_

_without rushing things- we're not completely daft, you know- we nevertheless managed to find out what you insinuated by sending that book. And still we're not rushing things but keeping that knowledge as a leverage against them. _

_Therefore, all is well here. Our nemesis are behaving kind of _muted_ ever since, which is great because it allows us plenty of time for more important things, like revising for our NEWTs._

_Only a few more months until we finish our education a Hogwarts._

_Yours,_

_Raven Lestrange_

_-o-_

Lily and Potter were an item now, that much was undeniable. It so hurt to see them together, and they always seemed to be together, holding hands, kissing. Each and every kiss was another stab to Severus' heart.

Once, she had called Potter an arrogant toerag. Now, she called him darling.

Once, she used to call Severus her best friend. Now, she didn't even talk to him anymore.

He wanted to warn her, to make her see that Potter was not as brilliant as she thought him to be. He wanted to tell her that her _darling_ was an unregistered Animagus and that one of his best friends was a werewolf. But they didn't talk anymore and besides, she wouldn't believe him anyway.

His heart was breaking. Severus just didn't allow himself to wallow in misery- not when the NEWTs were only a couple of weeks away. There was still a lot of revising to be done if he wanted to do well.

And then, sometimes, he would remember Edie's words- '..._forget about her. I know these sort of girls and they always mean trouble..'- _until they became a nagging voice in his head_. _On the other hand, Edie didn't know Lily. Of course she was wrong. Lily was sweet and gentle and caring- well, but unfortunately she didn't care for him.

There were moments he actually wondered why (if Lily was so perfect and pure like he painted her in his dreams) she would date his worst nemesis of all people? The very one who had made his life a living hell ever since they had first met at the Hogwarts Express. He pondered that all over and yet he couldn't come up with a sensible answer.

_'… the more ye adore them, the more adoration they demand and then they use ye and drop ye like a bloody hot potato when they don't need ye anymore, 'cause all they want is to climb the social ladder...'_ Edie said in his head. But Edie was wrong. Lily wasn't like that. Or was she?

Severus knew his only chance in life was to pass his NEWTs exceedingly well and then rely on that apprenticeship with Professor O'Flaherty to become a well-esteemed Potions Master and world-famous expert in potion's research; he would rid the world of all kind of diseases. Perhaps, Lily would finally recognize him then- although, there seemed to be a flaw in his train of thoughts. Lost in reverie, he was actually creating the same scenario in his head that Edie had spoken about. The one of Lily using people to climb the social ladder. Why couldn't she love him the way he was? Why couldn't Lily be a little bit more like Raven?

Things were so much easier with Raven except for the fact that she wasn't the girl he loved. And even if he could decide to fall in love with her, she probably wouldn't want him.

-o-

_Honolulu, 27__th__ April 1978_

_Dear Raven,_

_sorry for the long silence, but I've been to Asia for an assignment and only just returned to the States yesterday._

_I'm pleased to hear how very well you handled the situation with the Headmaster's most favourite students and I cannot help but cheer at your so very Slytherin nature. Congratulation! You did well._

_Take good care of yourself._

_Yours,_

_Emma Steel._


	30. School's Out

_Enjoy... ;)_

30 School's Out

Raven's birthday in May went almost unnoticed due to a heavy workload; their first NEWT exam was only a few weeks away and they still had a lot of revising to do, which hardly left time for anything else.

One fine evening after dinner, Headmaster Dumbledore stood to announce that all seventh years were to stay in the Great Hall since the Head boy and girl would like to address an issue that concerned them all, and everyone was supposed to gather at the Gryffindor table.

Needless to say that such an announcement earned a collective groan of disapproval from Slytherin house. They didn't like to be summoned and listen to Gryffindorks.

"We've got better things to do than wasting our time with that blood-traitor and his Mudblood whore!" Mulciber exclaimed, which granted him the applause of his like-minded house mates.

Although Severus detested Mulciber's use of the term _Mudblood_ when it referred to Lily, he nevertheless agreed partially- he had much better things to do than listening to Potter and whatever he wanted to address. "There's still so much revising to be done and so little time, " he sighed.

"Ah, shut it, you Half-Blood Prince of a swot." A sixth year replied, and many of the Slytherin's laughed at that.

"At least being a swot pays me well," Severus said nonchalantly, which made Avery and Mulciber blush a little since they were the ones that were still paying him to do their homework for them. At least Avery had the decency to look slightly ashamed, whereas Mulciber proved once again that he was a total dunderhead.

"It's the House Cup we have to worry about, and the final Quidditch match is already next weekend. We just have to win."

While most of her fellow house mates were talking about the final and all-dominant Quidditch match of the year, Raven didn't mind that for once her evening wouldn't be filled with tedious revising. They were studying like mad recently. Severus would have probably long moved into the library by now, if not for her. She managed to drag him out of the castle at least occasionally, since they could as well study outside when the weather was agreeable and she needed some fresh air to breathe.

The Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws had already made their way over to the Gryffindor table before at long last the Slytherins joined them, looking mutinous.

_What was it that Potter wanted?_

-o-

"Friends," Potter addressed his audience and it sounded quite absurd, given that he had hexed at least most of them more than once already, simply because he could, "as you are all aware of, we will soon be leaving Hogwarts for good; in couple of weeks we're going to sit our NEWTs, and then our wonderful time at this formidable and beloved school will come to an end. I believe you will all agree with me when I say that we did spend the best years of our lives here, at Hogwarts."

The cheers of a small group of students was enough to encourage him to continue. "So, before we are all going different ways, it is my intention to not leave Hogwarts, our home for the past seven years, without a grand finale. Therefore, we're going to have a graduation ball."

Some more people were cheering now, but the Slytherins remained silent. It wasn't usual to have a graduation ball. Perhaps that was a Muggle tradition.

"Headmaster Dumbledore agreed already and he is delighted about the idea of us having a Muggle style party with disco dancing-"

Now the Slytherins booed, which was to be expected. Potter, however, didn't pay any attention to them. "We're going to have a cheerful evening with music and dance. Professor Flitwick offered to lend his gramophone to us-"

Raven laughed out loud. The idea of playing disco music on an old fashioned gramophone was just too absurd.

"Oi! What's so amusing, Crow?" Pettigrew snubbed her, while Potter shot her an annoyed glance; he didn't like being interrupted in general and particularly not by a Slytherin.

"A gramophone plays only shellac records and they went out of style some decades ago; the standard of modern recording is vinyl."

"And that matters what?"

Raven rolled her eyes at such obvious ignorance. "It's a different material."

"Yes, I already got that. Nevertheless, we can solve that little problem since we're wizards. We simply transfigure vinyl into shellac and everything will be fine."

"Not quite. Shellac records run at a different speed and vinyl records have smaller segments-"

"And you are being deliberately difficult for what reason?"

"I'm simply trying to point out the flaw in your plan. If you think I'm difficult, you must be either deliberately stupid or just too arrogant to even consider using your brain. Anyway, I wouldn't want my records to be ruined due to improper use-"

"Ah, nobody wants to hear your Fat Crows Blues anyway."

"Says the one who apparently suffers from an unhealthy overdose of _Saturday Night Fever_." Raven replied smugly. To her surprise, some of the Slytherins applauded. It was the first time ever they seemed to approve of anything she said, although they probably believed that _Saturday Night Fever_ was a Muggle disease (well, it was- sort of) you got infected with when hanging around with Mudbloods. Their applause didn't mean, either, that she had suddenly become popular within her very own house; they simply liked the way she talked back to Potter. Because when it came to Gryffindors, even the least popular Slytherin was to be preferred.

"Let's go back to the agenda," Potter demanded, ignoring Raven's interjection as he laid out his plans for the big event. Everybody was allowed to bring a date as long as he or she was of age, so that there would be no need for teachers to chaperone. Also, he wanted everyone to be able to enjoy the fantastic punch they were going to have. But the absolute highlight of the party would be the election of Miss Hogwarts, the crowning of the most beautiful witch as the Belle of the Ball.

When he glanced at his girlfriend, it became obvious he already knew without any tedious election that she would be the one. Lily had the decency to look slightly bashful.

The Slytherins left the Gryffindor table without a word, but once they were outside the Great Hall, they gave vent to their disapproval. Of course, they blamed Dumbledore, the champion of Muggles, Muggleborns and commoners, for allowing Potter to hold such a nefarious event in the time-honoured, sacred halls of Hogwarts. Salazar Slytherin would surely turn over in his grave if he could see what had become of his school, and for a moment they were all united in the mutinous consent that none of _them_ would attend Potter's hideous Muggle-style graduation ball.

It didn't take long, though, before Freya Flint started musing aloud about what she would wear, should she be going to the ball. Clementine Bulstrode and Mildred Rosier joined in and soon the topic of their conversation changed from robes to who would be the perfect date.

Only one day later, no one of the Slytherins wasted one more thought about boycotting the ball. It was **the** main topic at Hogwarts and everybody seemed to be keen to attend- everyone but Severus. He was adamant that he would not participate in the big event. Lily was of course going with Potter, and since she was unavailable, he wasn't interested in any stupid party. Besides, with the NEWT exams ahead, he had better things to do than asking girls to be his date.

-o-

Everything seemed to be final these days. The last Hogsmeade weekend, the final Quidditch match. Slytherin versus Gryffindor was always the highlight of the Quidditch season and decidedly the most exciting match due to the rivalry between the two houses.

Gryffindor was leading 150 to 20 already, and most of the goals were scored by Potter, when suddenly the Slytherin Seeker, Regulus Black, spotted the Golden Snitch. Rocketing upwards on his broom, the little Black headed for it. Skilfully, he dodged the Bludgers that were directed at him by the Gryffindor Beaters, proving he truly was an excellent flyer.

Naturally, the Gryffindor Seeker tried to beat him to it, but soon it became obvious that Regulus was not to be stopped in a fair way. So the Gryffindor didn't hesitate to use his elbows in an attempt to steer his opponent off course, even risking that the Slytherin was knocked off his broom.

Madam Hooch blew her whistle to signal a foul had been committed, but the two Seekers were too far away or too preoccupied to pay attention to the referee. Also, the noise from the audience was very loud as the mood was almost boiling over with excitement. The Gryffindors cheered, applauding to the daredevilry of their Seeker, while the Slytherins booed just because of that.

Then, Regulus Black got hold of the Snitch, which earned him the jubilation of his house mates. He raised his hand with the sparkling, silver-winged ball in a sign of victory, when all of a sudden a Bludger hit his broom. He lost the Golden Snitch as he clung onto the handle of his wildly bucking broomstick, trying to keep balance. He failed.

The audience fell silent in shock. Everyone was holding their breath and even the initial enthusiasm of the Gryffindors (because their Seeker had finally caught the Snitch after Black let go of it) died on their lips. Madam Hooch was blowing her whistle furiously until it dropped from her mouth as she stared upwards.

Regulus Black was falling. First, it appeared as if he would crash into the stands at full speed, but then something seemed to slow his fall; while he was somehow floating in the air, his broom came down faster and harder, and it shattered into a mess of splintered wood when it hit the ground of the Quidditch pitch.

Nobody knew what or who had prevented young Regulus Black from suffering the same fate as his broomstick, why he hadn't crashed to his certain death but landed quite softly indeed. At first glance it seemed that his collision with James Potter had slowed his fall.

Smirking ever so slightly as they exchanged a fleeting glance, Raven and Severus pocketed their wands.

Sirius Black made quite a show as he jumped right into the middle of the pitch to see if his little brother was all right, but when it became obvious that he wasn't gravely injured (and before Regulus could shoo him away), the elder of the Black brothers headed for his best mate instead.

Potter was complaining about a broken rib, but he couldn't be in that much pain since he started arguing with Madam Hooch, claiming that Regulus had fouled him. Fortunately though, the referee wasn't favouring Gryffindor house. She declared that Slytherin won the match because their Seeker caught the Golden Snitch first. And that was it.

-o-

Officially, it was never found out what had caused Black to lose control over his broomstick; they blamed it on some construction error. Nobody had noticed the hateful expression on Pettigrew's face, just moments before the incident, and if anyone had, they would have blamed it on rivalry between the two houses but not on something that ran much deeper.

And yet it was more personal. It wasn't for the first time either that Pettigrew was defying Black's whelp-protection for his little brother- it was part of the Marauders' code of _honour_ that hexing Regulus was simply not allowed, and all but one Marauder kept to that. Pettigrew, however, hated Regulus even more than _Snivellus_ or any of the other Slytherins; he hated him with a vengeance because Sirius cared for him, and he shouldn't care for that evil snake-spawn but for him, Peter.

-o-

Raven had interpreted the expression on Pettigrew's face right. She had stared at him and seen his facial features turn more rat-like; she had seen his wand directed at Regulus, his lips mumbling a spell, unnoticed by his friends in the stands. She had elbowed Severus, and together they had prevented the worst from happening

-o-

Although Slytherin hadn't won the House Cup yet, they nevertheless celebrated today's victory over Gryffindor. Everybody was in a splendid mood and so was Raven, even if she didn't really care about Quidditch in general. But then Severus left the common room to go studying in the library and her face fell.

It had been such a fantastic feeling to be able to communicate without words and act as one when Regulus was in danger; she had felt so very close to him- and now he was gone. They hadn't even talked about it yet. He had let his mental shutters down the very moment Lily ran to check on Potter, fussing over him, helping him to the infirmary so that Madam Pomfrey could tend to his broken rib.

Regulus would have suffered more than a broken rib, had he survived the latest prank of the Marauders. But Lily was too blind to see that- or she didn't care at all about others than those of her own house- and perhaps Wormtail had been acting on his own anyway.

Raven recalled Sirius' shocked expression when his little brother had started tumbling, about to crash down hard, so it was likely he wasn't in to it...

"Hey Lestrange! Do you want to be my date for the graduation ball?" Regulus' voice interrupted her thoughts, and she turned to stare at him, not trusting her ears.

Did he actually possess the nerve to ask her out? Despite the Slytherin's initial reluctance to attend the graduation ball, they seemed to be quite focussed on doing just that, even if they still didn't like the idea behind it. Nevertheless, especially the sixth years were keen on gaining an invitation.

"Blackie," she said, "I-"

"Don't call me Blackie."

"Sorry, Blackie, but... " The mischievous sparkle in Regulus' eyes reminded her of his brother, but his eyes were of a somewhat _warmer_ shade of grey- _were there warm shades of grey? _His hair was still tousled from flying and a little sweaty, which made him appear daring. Raven shook her head. "You do know that I hardly meet your standards when it comes to blood-purity, don't ya?"

"Ah, I'm not asking you to marry me, so forget about the blood status for a while," he replied nonchalantly, "I merely want to go to that party."

"Well, since I'm not going anyway, you'll have to find someone else to get you an invitation."

"You must be kidding."

"Why? I'm certain there are more pleasurable ways to spend my last night at Hogwarts, given that I'm not overly fond of that old castle and its inhabitants anyway."

"I'm certain that's only because he hasn't asked you out yet."

"He?"

"You know who."

"I'd never go to a ball with You-Know-Who of all people-"

"Come on, Lestrange, stop being so difficult. You have to go to that bloody ball because you're the only one who could possibly beat Evans."

Raven blinked at him as if he'd grown three heads. "You alright? Perhaps you should go and see Madam Pomfrey to let her check your head- you must have suffered some serious brain damage from your fall, if you actually believe I would participate in any stupid Miss Hogwarts competition."

"You have to; you're Slytherin's best choice. Nobody would vote for Bulstrode, Rosier or Flint- none of them would even vote for the other one since they're always trying to outdo each other."

"No one would vote for me either. You know that I'm not particularly popular and besides, this is simply absurd. I told you before that I'm interested in going to that ball. Give it up, Blackie."

"Don't call me Blackie," Regulus smirked at her. "But just imagine how seriously pissed off my dear brother will be if I'd be your date."

Raven couldn't help it, she just had to laugh. "Oh yeah... the poor old mutt..."

"Mutt?"

"Oops," _Don't be such a blabbermouth_, she chided herself, "I mean, your dear brother _is_ acting like a dog on heat sometimes, isn't he? Once, he actually had the nerve to offer me a shag in the broom closet." Raven let out an embarrassed laughter, but Regulus was still frowning at her.

Then he shrugged and said, "See, you're not that unpopular."

"Great. If the invitation to get laid in a dark and stuffy place is an indicator for popularity, then I'd rather stay unpopular. And now excuse me please, I still have a lot of revising to do."

Raven turned to take her leave but she only got as far as to the door of the Slytherin common room before Regulus took her arm and made her stop. She glared at him- why did the Blacks always have to be such a nuisance?

"So, do we have a deal or not?" He asked with a sheepish grin.

_Dear Merlin- help! What part of 'I'm not interested in going to that ball' was so hard to understand? _If only Severus weren't that obstinate in asking her out, but he was even less keen on attending than she was. Although, she would be looking forward to the party if Sev were her date, if they'd be going together, as an item, since her main reservation against the graduation ball was due to the fact that Severus didn't want to go because of Lily.

_Why does love have to be so fucking complicated?_

Meanwhile, Regulus was still waiting for an answer, and since he was quite a clever young wizard with an astute sense of perception, it didn't take him long to figure out what was bothering her. He grinned as he bent over to whisper in her ear

"Do you happen to know Mellisandre McMillan? She's in my year."

Raven shot him a perplexed glance- yes, that name did ring a bell, and she recalled the face of a pretty sixth year Slytherin. Silently, she wondered what he might be up to now.

"Well, she's sort of my recent girlfriend," he admitted with a smirk that left Raven wondering even more. Regulus continued, "and she'd love to go to the party, too."

She still didn't get why that was any of her business, until he laid out his plan to her.

In order to be able to go to the graduation ball, the sixth years needed a seventh year to invite them, and since Raven and Severus were still without a proper date yet (apparently, it didn't matter to Regulus that both of them were not intending to join the festivities) he thought it a clever idea to provide Mellisandre and himself as perfect dates to them. Of course, he also thought it a lot of fun to show up with the girl his dear brother was interested in- at least sexually.

And perhaps Snape would finally come to his senses and recognize what a hot witch Raven was.

-o-

The last weeks of the school year went by in a rush; tomorrow would be their first NEWT exam. Raven slammed shut her textbook and yawned, she was tired of revising, but Severus was still focussed on a potions text. Resolutely she took the book from his hands, which made him scowl at her.

"Merlin, you know all about potions already," she sighed, hiding his book behind her back. "Have you asked Mellisandre McMillan out yet?"

"No," he replied brusquely. "I still do not intend to go to Potter's stupid ball."

"It's not Potter's ball." Raven paused to mull over the fact that it did indeed appear so, given that Potter's father was sort of sponsoring it. "Anyway, why don't you give two young lovers the chance to have some fun? We don't have to stay long; we can leave early- but Regulus and Mellisandre are really looking forward to go to that ball and they need an invitation."

Severus didn't appear to be convinced, so Raven tried another trick. "You know, I talked to her- she is a really nice girl and contrary to most of our house, her family does not support Lord V's blood superiority propaganda. I actually consider her to be of good influence on the little Black."

Severus sneered. It was none of his business if Regulus Black lacked either the intelligence or the guts to defy the beliefs of his family and therefore might be joining the ranks of the Dark Lord. "I'm certain Mr Black will go his own way with or without my intervention."

His stubbornness made her want to tear at her hair. Alright, so that didn't work. "McMillan is also a very pretty witch," Raven changed her strategy, "I think Lily wouldn't believe you actually managed to get such an attractive date."

As expected, that did it. If there was even the slightest chance to make Lily- well, not really _jealous_ but something very close to jealousy- he would take it. And so Severus rose in order to approach that McMillan girl, who was indeed quite a lovely young witch.

Mellisandre smiled at him and said she would be honoured to be his date for the graduation ball, and for a brief moment he actually believed in the sincerity of her kind words. Then he recalled that she had only accepted his proposal because she wanted to be with the dashing Quidditch champion, Regulus Black.

Once again, he was aware of his own unattractiveness. Of course, no pretty girl wanted to go out with him if he hadn't more to offer than his poor looks- he just had to become a famous, well-esteemed member of wizarding society... and preferably a rich one, too.

Not noticing the way Raven was glancing at him, he demanded she returned his book to him. Contrary to her airy opinion that he knew all about potions already, he still had a lot to learn and no time to waste if he wanted to do well in his NEWTs.

-o-

The NEWT exams were a hectic time that mostly consisted of sleep deprivation between hasty meals and long hours of last minute revising; excitement mingled with panic and busts of adrenaline. It was madness in extreme, with each and every exam being a new challenge, and then it felt so good, so relieving, when one was done- but the next day it started all over again.

Just a few more days of pressure and her career at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry would come to an end. Finally! Raven wasn't sad about it. Actually, she couldn't wait for it to be over since she had never truly felt at home at this school, contrary to many others who simply _**loved**_ Hogwarts- well, perhaps _they_ hadn't been at the receiving end of the most popular bullies' pranks...

And yet, in retrospect it hadn't been all that bad. After all, she had met Severus and found a really great friend in him, and together they had opposed to the bullying regime of the Marauders. True, they hadn't always succeeded, but the constant confrontations with their nemesis had hardened their friendship... if only she wouldn't love him so...

Just one more exam and soon Raven would be back in London. She would apply for Auror training while Severus was about to start his apprenticeship with Professor O'Flaherty at St Mungo's Potions Research team- and while the ways of other schoolmates often went different ways, they would always be close simply because they were living together.

There was no need to feel anxious about the end of her school life since things could only get better. And perhaps Severus would forget about Lily one day if he didn't see her anymore.

-o-

"Would you please Transfigure this hedgehog into a needle cushion."

_No. No way._

Raven knew she just had to pass her practical Transfiguration exam if she ever wanted to become an Auror- but she simply couldn't do that. Mind, she wasn't exactly a true animal rights activist, and she also wasn't the one who started cooing or swooning at the sight of a furry something, but she was nevertheless adverse to giving an innocent hedgehog the shock of its lifetime. Instead, she decided to Transfigure the monocle of the examiner who had posed that indecent request into a needle cushion, if a needle cushion was what he wanted to see.

Well, perhaps he hadn't wanted to see it that closely. Blinking rapidly, the monocle-needle cushion dropped from his face into his palm where he gave it a thorough examination. Then he glanced at the hedgehog and wasn't amused.

"Failed," he determined. Apparently he was a stickler to the rules and lacked a healthy sense of humour. Fortunately for Raven, his colleagues from the Ministry begged to differ.

"But Aurelius," a younger wizard laughed, "at least the girl proved her skills at Transfiguration."

"Nonetheless, she didn't pass the task."

The third examiner, a dark-haired witch, addressed Raven. "Would you please care to elaborate why you chose to not Transfigure the hedgehog into a needle cushion but Examiner Alderton's monocle instead?"

"Because," Raven nibbled at her lips before she continued, "well, if you're in a room with a lot of other people and not enough seats, you wouldn't Transfigure one of these people into a chair so that you could sit- although it is magically possible. Mind, I'm not claiming a hedgehog is like a human being, but all animals are living beings and I believe no living being would like to be Transfigured into an unmoving object. Of course, magic can do that. But we must know our bounds, and why should I frighten the life out of an inculpable hedgehog when there are other things available that I can Transfigure just as well?"

"Hm," the younger wizard seemed to be musing over her words, then he sent Raven out of the room so he could confer with his colleagues.

Although he had flashed her a brief smile, Raven was almost certain now that she had failed. She had fucked it up because she couldn't bring herself to Transfigure a bloody hedgehog into a needle cushion.

She was wrong, though. The examiners decided that she hadn't failed Practical Transfiguration since she had managed to prove her skills were acceptable at least.

Raven was overjoyed. She had made it; she had passed her Transfiguration exam!

Now, there was only the graduation ball to which she had to attend and then she was finally done with Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

-o-

She really hadn't been keen on going to that party, the day after her final exam, but to see Black's eyes nearly popping out of his face when she showed up arm in arm with his younger brother made it all worthwhile. If Padfoot were in his dog form now, he'd be whining pathetically. It almost made her want to kiss Regulus just for the fun of it.

But she didn't. Blackie was a cute boy but he wasn't cute enough to kiss him only to spite the mutt that was his brother- and besides, Regulus had a little crush on Mellisandre McMillan, who was Severus' date and not looking all too happy about it.

Having trampled on Blackie's feet for the umpteenth time during the required opening dance with their dates- it was a waltz, for heaven's sake, and she had no clue about classical stuff- Raven released him to flee into Mellisandre's open arms, while she went looking for Severus. But before she could find him, she found the bar.

Since the music hadn't improved yet, Raven decided that the evening could only improve if she made friends with a bottle of the finest elf-made wine.

_What am I doing here? _She kept wondering as several songs went by and none of them made her wish to return to the dance floor. The disc jockey- werewolf Lupin of all people- tried his best to Transfigure modern records into a playable format for Flitwick's old fashioned gramophone, but sometimes he messed up with the correct speed, and that resulted in often comical parodies of music. He actually managed to make the Bee Gees sound even more eunuch-like, which caused her to almost spill her wine in a bout of silly laughter. But then St Lily showed him the trick and soon all Gryffindorks were dancing happily to the most banal Muggle disco music.

The Slytherins, however, were stoically refusing to participate. They were standing clustered in another corner of the Great hall, watching the madness with contempt.

Raven couldn't stand it any longer; she simply couldn't get drunk enough to endure this blatantly meaningless kind of music. She wanted to leave, to be able to Apparate back to London and visit the Roxy or whatever club that played the right music...

"Dance with me, Lestrange."

_When you think things can't get worse, you can always rely on Black._

"Are you suffering from a bout of canine madness, or what makes you dare to talk to me, mutt?" Raven drawled.

"You danced with ickle Reggiekins, why not with me?"

"Because, contrary to you, Regulus is a charming young wizard."

"You must be kidding."

Her eyes narrowed dangerously and Sirius took a step backwards. Perhaps she wasn't kidding. He still didn't understand why Lestrange was so immune to his charms.

"Be a good dog and stick your nose into Potter's arse but stop bothering me."

She turned in order to walk away from Black or to grab the wine bottle and smash it over his head- whatever- when she sort of stumbled right into Severus. He managed to catch her fall and so she crashed into his chest instead.

"Sev!" Raven breathed, feeling quite comfortable in her position. Being engulfed in his tantalizing smell, she never wanted to let go of him.

"Is the mutt harassing you?" Severus demanded but it sounded as though he truly cared about her.

"Who?" She blinked at him; he had the most amazing eyes she'd ever seen."Oh, the mutt. Well, I can handle a mangy mongrel like him."

"Of course." Severus placed a possessive hand on her shoulder and glared at Sirius, who decided that sometimes it was better to give in. Nevertheless, he still didn't grasp why Lestrange seemed to prefer even the greasy git over him.

"He's such a nuisance," Raven said as she watched Black toddle off. She couldn't even enjoy his bum anymore, because when she looked at it, she always envisioned a wagging tail attached to it and that was quite sobering.

"That he is indeed," Severus mumbled.

All of a sudden, Raven let out a delighted little shriek. DJ Werewolf was actually playing a song that didn't only sound familiar but also agreeable to her ears. Could it possible be that someone with a decent taste in music had smuggled a record between all that crap she had to listen before?

"We just have to dance!" She squealed to the tune of _Cosmic Dancer_ and was about to drag him to the dance floor.

"I'm not in the mood," he protested, but to no avail. Raven was quite a resolute witch when something had gotten into her pretty head and, at the moment, she was keen on dancing with him. So he gave in to her whims. Besides, it wasn't that horrible to be dancing with her- quite the contrary, actually. It felt quite good to hold a pretty witch in his arms, moving to the rhythm of the music.

But then he spotted Lily and Potter dancing next to them; his hand was at her backside and they were snogging like mad. It hurt. It just so fucking much hurt to see them together like that. What the hell did Lily see in Potter?

"May I give you a good advice?" Raven asked after Severus had trampled on her feet for the second time.

"Hm?" He mumbled, finally taking his eyes away from the Gryffindor couple in order to glance at his dancing partner instead. "I'm sorry. It's just so..."

"...disgusting," she finished his sentence.

"Indeed."

"No decent witch couldn't possibly want to be kissed like that."

"Do you believe he is forcing her?"

Raven shook her head in the negative.

"No, it's not like that. Actually, it's more a matter of style-"

He frowned at her, so she decided to fill him in.

"You know, Sev, you simply don't plunge your tongue down a girl's throat as Potter does. He's mistaken if he believes that the tongue is meant to be a deep-sea diver, given that the tonsils are not an erogenous zone that needs to be swept. No girl wants to be kissed like _**that**_."

"And how do girls want to be kissed?" Severus wondered aloud, but he bit his lips immediately after having blurted out such an inappropriate question. Probably he'd had a drink too much (the Slytherins had coerced him to drink a glass of Firewhiskey as they were toasting to Lord Voldemort, and he wasn't used to such a strong spirit)- or perhaps it was just the proximity to a decidedly attractive witch.

"I'll show you," Raven purred in response as she took his head in her hands, running a gentle finger down his cheekbone. But when she tried to kiss him, he almost poked her eye out with his nose.

He wished for the ground to open up and swallow him.

She just chuckled softly and made another attempt. This time, their lips met.

Hers were soft and pliable and they tasted of red wine.

_Wow_, he thought, enjoying the feeling.

Since he didn't stop her, she continued to demonstrate him what a good kiss was and all of a sudden, there were tongues involved. It almost took his breath away.

_How was one supposed to breathe and kiss, all at the same time?_

But Severus was smart, and he learned quickly. And Raven taught him well. She deepened the kiss. Their tongues met to start a slow and very sensual dance that almost made her knees turn to jelly and her toenails to curl up in ecstasy.

Merlin, she had been fantasizing about kissing him for such a long time already, but actually doing it was so much better than she had dared to imagine it her dreams. It was... simply wonderful. Overwhelming. Why did he have to excel in everything he was doing? Severus kissed with the same devotion and abandon that was usually reserved for academical purposes only.

The world seemed to stop turning. Raven didn't even notice that people were staring at them (naturally, since they were snogging in the middle of the dance floor) because all she cared about was the wizard she was kissing; he was her sun, the centre of her universe.

-o-

Regulus had never expected that there would ever come a day he wanted to be Snape- or rather, to be in his shoes. But when he saw him snogging Lestrange, he felt a sudden pang of envy. And yet, it was also mingled with a strange kind of joy; he was happy for her because he knew she fancied Snape. For whatever reasons. It seemed though, that he was a great kisser.

Usually, he didn't like to watch others snog. Mostly, it was a bit embarrassing- like he was invading their privacy (but then again, why did they have to make a public display of their affection?) Sometimes, it wasn't even erotic at all- take Potter and Evans for example. Having to watch them trying to devour each other was just gross.

He wondered whether that might have something to do with... moral. Could it be that girls who kept to the rules of decorum and spared themselves for the wedding night were literally forcing their partners to kiss them with such an oversexed desperation, because snogging was all they were allowed to? Which led to the conclusion that Lestrange and Snape were only kissing with such a highly erotic ease because _she_ gave a damn about propriety or restrictions; she wouldn't stop any sensual interaction if she was in the mood to go further than snogging.

Merlin, Lestrange was really a hot witch and Snape was such a lucky fellow. Regulus just hoped his house mate wouldn't mess it up.

Then he glanced at his dear brother and cheered inwardly. The expression on Sirius' face was simply priceless. It was a mixture of disbelief, disgust and... defeat. Regulus grinned. Somehow, Sirius reminded him of a beaten dog glancing at its master- or mistress in this case- begging for forgiveness with puppy eyes that held the promise to be a good dog from now on. It was just as amusing as it was pathetic, given that Sirius wasn't even in love with Lestrange. He merely wanted her to be another trophy in his collection of witches he had laid already.

Regulus concluded that she was so much better off with Snape.

"You know, if we had a competition 'the most sensual kiss of the evening', I'd wager all my money on Lestrange and Snape," he told Mellisandre.

She smiled and sighed, "It's so romantic."

-o-

Only fairy tales knew happy endings where the prince and the princess lived happy ever after. Severus' life had never been a fairy tale. The Half Blood Prince was kissing the wrong princess.

It was wonderful, though. Raven was a pretty and desirable witch, and he was feeling a bit dizzy... but she wasn't Lily. She didn't smell like Lily, the way he remembered her scent- something fresh and clean, like a gentle breeze.

"We have to stop,"Severus mumbled without letting go of Raven and his body language was betraying him when he said, "it's wrong."

She begged to differ. This was the best kiss ever and there was nothing wrong about it- except that she wasn't Lily. Raven didn't want to hear any of that now, so she battled with her feelings to keep her cool. Slowly, she took a step backwards without quite breaking the embrace; she was holding him at arm-length now as she cocked her head. "Are we still friends?"

"Er... yes," Severus seemed to be relieved that everything was still alright between Raven and him although they had just... snogged quite heavily. She really was a great friend.

-o-

In the end, Raven was not elected as Queen of the Ball. She hadn't expected that anyway and she cared about it even less. Stupid Blackie and his folly of nominating her in the first place

Naturally, and without much surprise, the ever so popular Head girl Lily Evans won the election. Potter was oh so proud. Perhaps he'd ask her to marry him now... Sneering at that much happiness and perfect-world-silliness, Raven left the Great Hall.

She didn't hear anymore that Regulus Black announced the winner of the unauthorized and unofficial 'best kiss of the evening' competition. It would have pleased her, though, to see Lily's face fall because she hadn't won. Sometimes, it just didn't help to be the most popular student.

Raven went to gather her trunk; there was no use in staying at Hogwarts now that school was out. And while most of the other students would travel home on the Hogwarts Express (for sentimental reasons) the next morning; she decided that she wasn't too drunk to Apparate yet.

'_It's wrong_', she heard him say again and she turned up the stereo in her London flat.

Wrong- oh he was such an idiot! Stupid boy. What's wrong about perfection? He was lying when he said it was wrong, he just didn't know it yet. One couldn't possibly fake such a kiss if there were no feelings involved at all.

But he would come to his senses, Raven decided. She cast a silencing spell and turned the music even louder.

_Thanks to my lovely betas, hypnotic ink and Alabaster Princess._


	31. Rejection

_We're having a serious soap problem here. My lovely beta Alabaster Princess claims that _curd soap_ is not a term she is used to (and she is my britpicker)- nevertheless I couldn't come up with a better translation of the German word 'Kernseife' and so I left it for the time being. If anyone knows a better translation, please contact me._

_Now enjoy!_

_Thanks to all of you for favouring me, putting this story on alert or for reviewing._

_Many thanks to Alabaster Princess and hypnotic ink for being friends and the best betas in the world- I love ye!_

_Did I mention that I **love** reviews?  
_

31- Rejection

Raven thought it a wise move to avoid Severus' company as much as possible after the graduation party, which was quite difficult since they were living together. There were some very awkward moments when both of them tried to pretend they had never kissed, but it just didn't work. She couldn't forget that kiss. In fact, she didn't even want to forget that kiss. When Severus wasn't watching, she got all dreamy eyed, staring at those incredible lips that didn't look as soft as they actually were, and then she had to act as normal as possible to not make him realize that it had been more than just a demonstration of how a witch wanted to be kissed.

They were still friends, and that was a good thing. On the other hand, it couldn't be ignored that something had changed. It was as if solid ground had turned into thin ice due to a subliminal tension that remained as a constant reminder of the night of the ball.

She tried to spend more time with her Muggle friends, but that was no solution either since they both shared the same circle of friends and she really didn't want to exclude Severus. Fortunately, he was not a person who liked to socialize much. Instead, he preferred to prepare himself for his apprenticeship that would start in a few weeks.

Raven had to apply for Auror training in two weeks and she should be revising for the tests- however, she couldn't focus on anything, knowing that Severus was just a room away. So she often skipped revising in order to go out. Hadn't she just successfully passed her NEWTs? It was summer and she was done with school, so it couldn't hurt to have some fun instead of sticking her nose in a book like she'd done for the past weeks and months.

-o-

Raven was very nervous the morning of her tests at the Auror office. She had more than the required five NEWTs with at least 'Exceeds Expectations' grade, including Charms, Potions and Arithmancy. She even had 'Outstanding' marks in Ancient Runes and History of Magic, and she just hoped that her 'O' in Defence Against the Dark Arts (not thanks to _Professor_ Lemminkainen, by the way, but because of the intense training she had received under Professor Steel) would be enough to counter the fact that her Transfigurations skills were merely 'Acceptable'. But perhaps she would be given the chance to prove that she was better than that.

She didn't worry about the background check because she knew she had no criminal record. She didn't worry about the character test either.

"Good luck today."

Raven hadn't heard Severus entering the kitchen, so she whirled around and spilled her coffee all over him in the process.

"Oops," she gasped as she grasped for a tissue and started to fuss over him.

"Raven!" Heaving a sigh, he took her wrists in his hands to gently push her away. "For Merlin's sake, you're a witch." Then he drew his wand and a quick Clean and Dry Spell later his robes were immaculate again. "Why don't you use magic?"

"I... um," ..._because I want to be close to you..._ "I'm just trying to save my energy for the tests."

"You will do well," Severus assured her. "You are quite a capable witch and your NEWT results were satisfying. I am certain you will be accepted into Auror training."

"Thanks," she beamed at him and withstood the urge to hug him, but she left home with a smile on her face.

-o-

Some hours and a number of exhausting tests later, Raven wasn't smiling anymore.

"I beg your pardon?" There must be something wrong with her ears because she thought she had heard the head of Magical Law Enforcement, a certain Bartemius 'Barty' Crouch senior, saying that she hadn't qualified for Auror training.

Mr Crouch shot her a glance as through he was doubting her hearing ability before he repeated slowly, but in quite a loud voice, that she was not accepted into Auror training.

"May I inquire the reason why? Is it because of my Transfiguration marks?"

"Your marks were acceptable and you just proved today that you are adequately skilled in Transfiguration," Mr Crouch faked a smile that was supposed to look encouraging, but it wasn't real; it didn't reach his eyes. "Actually, what we- meaning the board of examiners- do worry about are your... er, character traits."

"What the fuck?" The words escaped her lips faster than she could hold them back or swallow them down.

Crouch smirked, which was even worse than his attempt to smile. "You are rebellious, rash, and you cannot rein yourself in. Apparently, you are a difficult person when it comes to following orders."

_Damn_, she thought.

"Also," he continued, "it has come to my attention that you seem to enjoy the company of people who do not agree to the ideology of the Ministry; people who are likely to join You-know-who."

"I most certainly do **not** agree to _his_ ideology," Raven snapped.

"Miss Lestrange," Crouch cleared his throat and frowned at her, "were you or were you not Sorted into Slytherin house?"

"Well, but-"

"And are you friends with a certain Severus Snape, the same Mr Snape that is known to be up to his eyeballs into the Dark Arts, and who spent a great amount of his time at Hogwarts in the company of Lucius Malfoy, Alexander Wilkes, Woodrow Avery and Kenneth Mulciber?"

"They were house mates."

"They are suspected to be Death Eaters."

"What's that got to do with me?"

"Miss Lestrange," Crouch said patiently, "you may want to reconsider your allegiance. If you are certain it is bound to the Ministry of Magic, you are, of course, allowed to apply again for Auror Training next year."

"Are you just trying to tell me that because I am a Slytherin I'm not accepted into Auror Training?"

"No, I told you already that you are not qualified because of your character traits. You're dismissed."

"Fine," she snarled as she turned to leave, but then she stopped to glare at him with a sneer on her face. "Ah, let me just hazard a guess- if I were a Gryffindor, you'd find my apparent character flaws, especially the rashness, to be quite endearing, wouldn't you?"

He didn't have to speak it out loud, she could see the truth in his face. And so she slammed shut the door behind her in anger. Her character was considered questionable anyway, so there was no need to rein herself in.

_This is so fucking unfair!_

What was she supposed to do until next year? And did she really want to apply again for Auror training next year if the same stupid wankers would be judging her character then? There was nothing wrong with her. The mere fact that she had been Sorted into Slytherin house didn't necessarily mean she was evil. She definitely wasn't. Alright, she wouldn't say her heart was pure and innocent either, but that wasn't fucking required for Auror training. Her abilities should be the only thing that was important, and nothing else.

Feeling sullen and bitter, she walked to the elevator and hit the downwards button hard in her fury. _Bloody Ministry!_

"Miss Lestrange!" Someone cried out.

Raven groaned when she heard someone approaching her, limping heavily. She turned and glared at the old battle-scarred Auror, Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody. He was a member of the _Committee of Wizarding Law Enforcement for Auror Training_ and he had not disagreed with Crouch. What could he possibly want now? Curiously, she waited for him.

"Mr Moody?" She tried not to sound as annoyed as she was. "What can I do for you?"

"Just one question. Why do you want to become an Auror?"

She wondered if that wasn't obvious. "Um... to clear up criminal cases and to fight dark wizards and witches."

"Very good." He smirked, or smiled- you couldn't really tell with his marred features, but no matter what, it didn't look very pleasant anyway. "Am I right to assume that it is also your wish to fight You-know-who?"

"Well, I already mentioned that I don't share his ideals."

"Indeed, but you do merely disagree with his propaganda of pure-blood superiority, or do you strongly oppose to it? Do you wish to end his rising reign of terror?"

Her parents had fled to the States for matters of safety, so of course she wanted to do something to stop Voldemort. Therefore she had applied for Auror training. Also, she wanted the Dark Lord gone before he could ever lay his thin, spidery fingers on Severus- although Sev had won some valuable time, he wasn't off the hook yet.

"Would you ask that many questions if I were a Gryffindor?"

He flashed her another of his horrid smiles, which was answer enough.

"You know," Raven continued, "I'm not naturally predestined for the Dark Arts only because an old rag of a hat shouted '_Slytherin_' when it came to sorting."

"True indeed," Moody said, cautiously scanning her face with his magical eye. He cleared his throat, which sounded as if he was gurgling with barbed wire. Then he leaned in closer. "You might be interested to learn that there is a group of people who are actively fighting Voldemort and his Death Eaters."

Raven arched one brow to show she was interested in learning more about that.

"It is a secret organisation."

"Because the Ministry is still hesitant to openly oppose Lord V?" She was intrigued, that much for sure. But her initial enthusiasm didn't last long. Actually, it ended quite soon when Moody told her more about it.

The members of resistance were led by Dumbledore, allegedly the only wizard that Voldemort ever feared, but that didn't mean that Raven suddenly trusted her former headmaster. The old grudge she was holding against him for never helping Severus and always believing, clearly favouring the Marauders, was still too prominent.

Also, it became apparent that Dumbledore was recruiting members for his organisation that came fresh from school and had no professional training in whatsoever. Moody, however, saw no fault in that since he considered Dumbledore the greatest wizard who had ever left his turds in the wizarding world.

"This reminds me of the child soldiers in Africa," Raven said with a frown. Well, officially no Hogwarts graduate was still a child, but the point and purpose was the same- untrained youngsters were being send to war. "I do not intend to become canon fodder for the greater good. I applied for Auror training."

"You will be trained by Dumbledore."

"Wonderful." She still didn't trust Dumbledore. The headmaster had never given her any reason to put her trust in him, and although she liked the general idea that there was a secret organisation against Voldemort, she was not interested in joining. The ability to fling spells at dark wizards and witches was not the reason she had chosen to become an Auror; Raven wanted to learn more than that. Like Stealth and Tracking or Magical Crime Scene Investigations.

But all Moody had to offer sounded rather indecent to her ears. She imagined Dumbledore's secret organisation as a stomping ground for his Gryffindork protégés, and she just knew she wouldn't fit in there. Probably, she'd be the only Slytherin and therefore the first to sacrifice when things got a little rough.

"I am not interested."

Moody stared at her in a way that really wasn't comfortable at all. Immediately, her mental shields went up.

"You disappoint me," he finally grumbled, looking displeased because he had just failed to break through her Occlumency shields without making it a very painful experience for her.

"No, you disappoint me. I thought so much of you, but you possessed the nerve to insult my intelligence by proposing such an indecent suggestion to me." Raven hit the button for the downwards elevator again. "I'm not a lamb for slaughter."

Fortunately, the door opened almost immediately for Raven to step into the elevator- otherwise she might have suffered the full extend of Moody's Memory Modification Charm. So when she finally left the Ministry of Magic, she was feeling slightly dizzy but was still in possession of all of her memories regarding Dumbledore's group of underground fighters, called the Order of the Phoenix.

-o-

Raven was ranting on and on about the brazenness of Alastor 'Mad Eye' Moody, smoking cigarette after cigarette until she started coughing, when finally Severus cut in.

"Stop that!" He extinguished her cigarette with his wand. "You wouldn't have any problem to get accepted into Auror training if not for me. Perhaps it would be better if I just moved out- after all, you deserve a chance to make the career you desire."

"Don't be absurd!" She snapped at him. "This reaction is so very... _Gryffindor_, it doesn't suit you at all. Besides, I'm not having any problems- those wankers at the Ministry are having problems with me and they don't even know we're living together, and I do not intend to chance that, nor will I change my friends for their idiotic belief that all Gryffindorks are little saints while all Slytherins are evil personified. I won't have that! If that's how the Ministry works I will have to reconsider my choice of career, but it's their bad and not mine. _They_ could use someone who doesn't divide the whole world into four fucking houses, who does not stick to all those fucking prejudices they carry around since they attended Hogwarts ages ago-"

"Raven," Severus cleared his throat but she flashed him a fierce glance that actually managed to silence him.

"No, you won't move out." The very idea was frightening her. She could deal with a good lot of things but not with being separated from Severus; she needed him, and if she couldn't have him as a lover, she at least wanted him as a friend. Her best friend. Raven feigned a smile that probably looked rather loop-sided. "Hey, how do you expect me to pay the rent if I'm without a job?"

"I'm certain your parents won't let you down; they will be understanding of the situation," he replied half-heartily because he didn't really want to move out anyway. It was strange, but he felt at home here with Raven- more at home than anywhere else before.

"Says the one who would have never asked his father for support if I hadn't forced him to at least accept the child benefit that's legally yours."

"And I do really appreciate that. Nevertheless, you have to think of yourself now. Be rational and consider what is important to you. If you decidedly want to pursue a career in Auror training, you will have to accept their conditions."

"Well, fortunately I now have one more year to decide what I want. And I think today, I want to go out. Care to join me?"

Severus rolled his eyes; he was torn between adoring her adamance and being slightly annoyed about her apparent devil-may-care attitude.

-o-

"Sev?" Raven called out for him when she returned home from a night out with her friends, still brimming with interesting news she just had to share with him. She knew he was up already because she could hear the shower running, but she didn't think anything about it when she pushed open the bathroom door.

"Sev, I- _oops_!" It shouldn't have come as a surprise to see a rather naked Severus in the shower cabin. After all, hearing the sound of running water did usually indicate that someone was actually taking a shower.

"Get out! I'm not decent." Totally embarrassed, Severus grabbed for the shower curtain and gave it a jerk to wind it around his middle. In the process, he dropped the bar of soap that slid all the way across the floor until it came to rest at her feet.

Curiously, Raven picked it up to give it a sniff. Then she frowned and shot him a stern glance. "Is that curd soap you are using?"

"Give it back and get out of here."

"You cannot possibly use curd soap."

"Why. Ever. Not?" It was a rhetorical question at best but even more it was meant as a rebuff to make her leave. Raven, however, didn't get that hint.

"Because of its pH value; it's not nourishing..."

"Nourishing?" He barked.

"... for your skin."

"My skin is none of your business"

"But you've got lots of skin... so pale..." Well, except for the reddish blotches on his cheeks that spoke of embarrassment, but she barely realized the inappropriateness of the situation. "...and wet."

_The nerve of her!_ "I was taking a shower, so obviously my skin is wet. Now. Get. Out!"

Instead of leaving like ordered, she kept staring at his deliciously naked form. He was so adorable. She had never seen that much of his skin before, neither his long, slender limbs that were nevertheless surprisingly well-defined, although he was clearly not as exceptionally muscular or athletic as a Roman or Greek god. _Why am I thinking of statues of ancient deities now_? She wondered and concluded that the paleness of his skin reminded her of marble. Only that those deities didn't have such a teasing thin line of dark hair that started just underneath his navel and went further southwards where it... disappeared into the folds of a shower curtain that was wrapped around his hips. Gods shouldn't be allowed to wear shower curtains.

Raven pouted ever so slightly as she glanced up and into his face again. His lips were pressed together in tight line of disapproval.

Severus wished she would finally go away but at the same time his body responded to the way her eyes were scrutinising him. He recalled their kiss- or was it just his body that recalled the feeling of them snogging senselessly at the graduation ball? It had been fantastic. And so very wrong. Because she wasn't Lily.

For a brief moment he wondered if his body had ever reacted that strongly when he thought of Lily, and then he condemned those weird thoughts and feelings because true love was more than just carnal desire.

Meanwhile, Raven had still not left the bathroom. Instead, she was now approaching the shower cabin and Severus tried to back away from her. _It's not right to desire your best friend_, he thought in a fit of panic.

Fortunately, she then started to give him a lecture about the benefits of shower gel compared to curd soap. She mentioned its pH-neutrality as well as the nourishing effect of Jojoba oil. "...it protects your skin from dehydration and makes it... smoother." To underline her words she produced a plastic bottle from out of nowhere and pressed it into his reluctant hands. "Try this."

Oh, she so wanted to touch him, to feel his soft skin under her fingertips- but perhaps that wasn't a very wise idea since Severus was staring at her like a deer caught in the headlight, feeling clearly uncomfortable.

He almost let go off the shower curtain.

Now, she finally had the decency to avert her eyes.

"I... um," Raven stuttered, as she reached out to grab another bottle, this one containing shampoo. "… er, that's for your hair..."

"To make it smooth and shiny, I assume?" Severus asked with a sneer.

She took a reluctant step backwards. There was still the urge to touch him, but on the other hand her instincts told her that it was wiser to flee and leave him alone. So she slowly retreated, step by step, until she was almost out the door. Then she glanced at him again and couldn't refrain from pointing out, "You know, your hair will benefit from it."

One of the plastic bottles she had given him collided with the bathroom door when she closed it from the outside, indicating that perhaps she had gone a tad too far. Perhaps, she should have politely declined that last glass of wine... on the other hand, Jeffrey had already paid for it so it would have been a waste of money to not drink it.

-o-

A little later, after Severus had finally managed to finish his shower in private, he entered the kitchen where Raven was sitting at the table, drinking coffee and slowly sobering up.

"Lestrange," he snarled, "I hope you're proud of yourself. That horrid shampoo of yours makes me smell like a bloody green apple- no, I stand corrected- like an apple that turned green with envy since no decent apple ever smells like that."

She stood to approach him, running her fingers through his lanky hair. It was nice to smell her shampoo on his hair. "But it does look so much nicer now, doesn't it?"

He scowled at her while secretly admitting that it appeared to be less greasy.

"By the way," she continued in a cheerful tone as though she was immune to danger, and she sat down again to smile at him over the rim of her coffee mug, "what I wanted to tell you in the first place- I've got a job now. Admittedly, it's nothing special and just once a week, but I'll be working as a barmaid in the 100 Club. Isn't that cool?"

-o-

No, it wasn't. Raven was a bright witch; she had excelled in her NEWT exams and therefore she shouldn't be pleased to have found a job as a barmaid in a Muggle club. She should be following her dreams instead, which meant being accepted into Auror training and becoming a highly-decorated Auror one day in the not so far future.

But instead of ambitiously pursuing her dreams like any Slytherin would have done, she had given them up for friendship- or so it seemed to Severus, and he wished she would be more demanding. On the other hand, he knew that that was so typically Raven and one of the reasons why he liked her so much even if she was showing some mightily dubious Gryffindor character traits.

-o-

For a couple of weeks, Raven was enjoying her freedom, so glad that school was finally over and she could spend time with her Muggle friends. She stayed all night partying and came home when Severus had to get up and go to work. He now locked the bathroom door when he was taking a shower.

In retrospect, that had been a really embarrassing moment. What had she been thinking? Well, apparently not much since she had been slightly intoxicated. On the other hand, the state of his hair had improved ever since she had actually thrown away the bloody curd soap and equipped him with a nice shower gel and a shampoo that smelled less like a blooming apple tree. After that bold deed of invading his privacy, she hadn't dared to come home for two days, but fortunately he bore no grudge against her when she finally returned to surprise him with a home cooked dinner.

It soon became a daily routine of them to have dinner together; Raven even tried to improve her cooking skills and most of the meals she prepared were edible indeed.

But after a while, that wasn't enough anymore. It wasn't enough to work only one night in the week, and it most certainly wasn't enough to play perfect little housewife for Severus. Raven could use another job to improve her income so she started reading the job offers in the Muggle papers and also in the _Daily Prophet_. She enjoyed working as a barmaid at the 100 club because they often had live gigs of hot bands she could see for free, and she was looking for something similar.

Meanwhile, she still went out almost every night and only saw Severus in the evening, when he came home from work. It was good to hear him talking about his apprenticeship, and she was so happy for him, knowing he had found his place in life. It was also good to not be spending too much time with him, because she was still yearning for more.

Whenever she glanced at his lips, she caught herself remembering their kiss and she would have loved to repeat that so badly. But since that was not an option, Raven sort of piqued her appetite at home and then went out to sate her hunger by flirting with other boys. Alas, it was never quite as satisfying.

-o-

Still, those were the better days. There were other, filled with moments of self-doubts, when she was lying in bed, feeling worthless and rejected for not having been accepted into Auror training, for not being Severus' love interest. She just wasn't good enough, or just not Lily enough- thank Merlin for that, except that it was Lily whom Severus wanted. Life was such a bitch! Raven tried hard to not wallow in self-pity, but there were times she just couldn't help it. Then she cursed herself for being such a ninny, because life wasn't all sunshine and roses; she had to get a grip on herself. Crying her eyes out in moments of weakness wouldn't improve the situation either.

-o-

Naturally, Severus took notice of her inner turmoil, her occasional unhappiness. One didn't have to be an Legilimens to notice when Raven Lestrange wasn't feeling well. Although she tried to hide her emotions, she wasn't very good at that and her face was like an open book for him to read.

The only thing he always seemed to miss (or to misinterpret for something else) was the fact that a great part of her misery was due of him, because she was in love with him. Perhaps, he just wasn't used to being loved and desired, and that's why he kept missing those hints.

He wanted to be a good friend to her, which only seemed to make things worse, sometimes. There were times when he thought that moving out of the flat they shared was the most sensible solution to improve her situation, but- quite frankly- he couldn't bring himself to do just that. Because he was selfish. Severus enjoyed living with her, despite her being the most impossible, impertinent and yet most _intriguing_ witch he had ever met. She was maddeningly unconventional, bold and stubborn, but on the other hand she was also a very kind and warm-hearted person who had so graciously not only given him a place to stay, but also a home. He didn't want to miss that.

And then he thought about the way she had showed him how a witch wanted to be kissed. Of course, the sheer pleasure he had experienced from her lecture was still feeling wrong because he had so clearly betrayed his feeling for Lily by kissing another girl.

On the other hand, his Lily was snogging Potter on a regular basis and- no, Severus didn't want to imagine what else they were doing. He decided to focus on his apprenticeship.


	32. Dancing Queen

_I'd like to thank all of my lovely reviewers, thanks for all the feedback. _

_Special thanks to my wonderful betas, hypnotic ink and Alabaster Princess_

* * *

32- Dancing Queen

_Help wanted!_ The sign in the window read.

For reasons she didn't quite know, Raven entered the shabby looking tavern in Knockturn Alley and was greeted by a dim atmosphere that was a strange mixture of being stuck in the past and an almost desperate attempt at aiming for something new.

House-elves were scurrying around, fixing furniture. There was a lot of plush and red velvet.

"We're closed," a voice from below the bar shouted over the noise of redecoration.

"I thought you're looking for help."

"Hmpf," came a grumble- definitely male- and then a pair of bloodshot pale eyes peeked up from below the bar, glaring at her out of a face that strongly reminded her of a Goblin at first glance. He wasn't that ugly, but he wasn't a beau either. After having taken her in for a moment, his eyes lit up and he stood to reveal his full size. "Pleased to meet you, missy! I'm Henri le Grand."

Raven glanced down at his head, which was approximately at her breast-level. "Le Grand, eh?"

"Indeed," Henri tugged at his pants to indicate that it wasn't his height he considered to be grand but his- _ugh, _Raven grimaced, but the guy kept on smiling, revealing perfectly white teeth. "So, what can ol' Henri do for you, sweetheart? You're looking for a job?"

"Um," _rather not_. What had gotten into her to enter such a place? After all, she was in Knockturn Alley where all the bars were... _dubious_, to put it mildly. "Don't call me sweetheart."

Henri just laughed. "Well, lemme tell you first what I'm looking for. Of course, you remember this is a place with tradition, don't you?"

No, but she didn't think she cared about the history of this place. Nevertheless, Henri le Grand insisted on telling her all about the bar, formerly known as the _Dark Lantern, _which was founded back in 1267 and had its height in the medieval times, when it was the most notorious place for rich young pure-bloods.

Henri heaved a sigh before he continued. "Alas, due to some financial misconception, things went downhill for the _Dark Lantern_ and it became the _Broken Lantern_ in the last century, but-" now he was smiling again, "I'm having big plans with this place."

"Ah?" She inquired with polite interest.

"Yep, I'm gonna bring it back to its former glory since I came up with some spectacularly new ideas and innovations that'll make _Madam Marguerite _cry- if ye know what I mean?"

Raven did, and therefore she involuntarily took a step backwards. "Oh, another brothel. I'm awfully sorry, but I do not intend to become a whore."

"No, no, no! Wait! Lemme explain it to you."

She refrained from leaving, turned around and glared at him. "I really don't know why I'm wasting my time here, but very well- please explain your innovative ideas."

Henri le Grand was nervously licking his lips, which didn't make him appear any more trustworthy; he just _was_ slightly creepy. A repulsive person, and yet she didn't want to judge the book by its cover because he didn't seem to be an evil character. At least his smile had an honest touch.

"I want this to be a decent place. Well, not too decent- I mean, we're talking about night life in Knockturn Alley, and one has to keep up with the standards while offering something new and special that the wizarding world hasn't seen yet."

"And what might that be?"

"The _Red Lantern_ will be serving exquisite drinks instead of the watered stuff you usually get in Knockturn, and I want my patrons- preferably well-esteemed pure-bloods- to relax in a cosy atmosphere, while getting inspired by dancing girls that are... er, scantily-clad but not all naked."

"Oh, you mean table dance?" Raven interjected.

"Nah, of course the girls will _not_ be dancing on the tables were the drinks are being served. I was rather thinking of platforms with a pole in the middle..."

"Well, that **is **called table dance in the Muggle world."

For a moment, his face seemed to fall, but he recovered quite quickly and was soon smiling at her again, totally ignoring her demur as he continued to propagandise his not so innovative idea.

"Anyway, I prefer to call my future employees _exotic dancers_, because that's all I'm asking of them. Naturally, I want them to act as wanton and seductive as possible, but there will be no physical contact allowed except..."

"Except the patron decides to stuff some tip into the girl's bra," Raven finished his sentence.

"Exactly," Henri was brimming with joy; so glad that someone understood his innovative business concept.

"Well, it won't work that way in the wizarding world."

"Why ever not?"

"Er... because of our currency. We only have coins and I don't want to have a handful of Galleons stuffed into my bra; I guess no girl would want that."

"Oh," he looked slightly crestfallen now, but not for very long. Henri le Grand seemed to be a very cheerful person, always looking on the bright side. "Ah, but you do want the job."

"I never said that."

"Come on, I know you're interested."

"Then you know more than I do."

"Don't let me down. You're perfect for that job." Henri ushered her to a table, wiped it clean with his forearm and shooed the house-elves away, before purring, "Let's talk about the details, sweetie. What do you say to fifteen Galleons a night, plus you keep all your tips."

Raven was still not interested in becoming an exotic dancer, and yet she started haggling. "It takes at least fifty Galleons a night to make me even consider to strip."

He was still smiling, but now his voice took on a more business-like tone. "Darling, you're a pretty one but your tits are a tad too small to be worth fifty Galleons a night. I'd pay twenty-five if you considered using an Engorgement Charm on them."

"You may try to use an Engorgement Charm on your brain, but I think my tits are perfectly fine the way they are, thank you very much." Raven stood and turned to leave while on the quiet she was pondering if perhaps Henri was right. _Is it because my tits are too small that Sev doesn't love me?On the other hand, bloody St Lily isn't any better equipped and- what the fuck am I thinking anyway. _That was such a ridiculous train of thought!

"Wait!" Henri called out for her. "Don't run away. Forget what I said about your lovely tits. Twenty Galleons."

"Your last offer was twenty-five and I was asking for fifty. Besides, I'm not really interested in stripping in front of an audience that will most likely consist of lecherous old pure-blood wankers."

"Don't worry, I'm certain there will also be some dashing young admirers, given the recent... um, political situation."

Probably she was more Slytherin than she had ever thought possible because she was actually contemplating the advantages of the job that was being offered to her. She knew how much a table dancer could earn in one night since she met some of them in Vegas, and there was still the image of a chrome glittering Harley Davidson in her mind's eye.

"Forty. And you come up with a solution for the tips problem."

"You're such a minx!" Henri laughed out loud. "The patrons will love you- alright, then. Twenty- five."

"Thirty-five, and that's my last offer. You know, I don't really need this job."

It was true, she didn't really need this job; Raven could just as well write to her parents and beg for more money- but she was an eighteen year old witch that yearned for independence and she wanted to make her way alone, without the help of her parents.

In the end, they agreed on twenty-eight Galleons plus a rather generous sum that was needed to fit her out with the proper attire, no matter how little it would be.

Raven decided to not tell Severus her actual job description when she went shopping; she doubted he would be pleased. He was a bit prudish sometimes whereas she didn't mind to show a little skin.

-o-

Poor Henri. Although his_ innovative_ idea wasn't anything new since he had clearly been inspired in the Muggle world, it was at least a novelty in the wizarding world- and now he had to explain it again and again to Raven's colleagues. He really had thought it would be easier but those girls were frustratingly slow on the uptake.

"No, no, NO!" He groaned when they were rehearsing for the opening show. "I want to see a sexy dance, Violetta, not some fancy waltz. Miranda, we're not in a brothel so don't– Wilda! What in Merlin's name are you wearing?"

"Underwear, Mr Le Grand."

"That are unmentionables. Nobody wants to see those."

Wilda blinked at him, fluttering her long lashes. She was decidedly the prettiest of them, a pure-blood from an impoverished family with only one OWL in Divination but no gift as a seer. She had only accepted this job because she was hoping a prince would come into the Red Lantern, sweep her off the stage and marry her. Unfortunately, that wouldn't work if she didn't develop a taste in lingerie. Soon!

With a sigh he glanced at Raven, the only one who truly seemed to understand his vision of the first table dance club in the wizarding world. Miranda- _Randy_- had actually worked in a brothel before and thought this was just the same, and Violetta was a groupie, hoping to gain the attention of one of the Dark Lord's followers.

"Go shopping with them," he ordered.

Raven just smirked and held out her hand. Groaning again, Henri tossed a small purse full of jingling Galleons into her greedy claw. That witch would either ruin him or make him a very rich man, he hadn't yet decided which.

-o-

Severus rolled his eyes. There were two other apprentices in St Mungo's Potions Research Team, but he couldn't figure out how they had managed to get accepted into the program, since Professor O'Flaherty's standards were high. Nevertheless, they often reminded him of Potter and Black, because both of them were quite the pranksters that didn't even stop at melting a cauldron just for the fun of it. In the beginning, they had asked him to join them for lunch at the Leaky Cauldron, but they had given up on that when it became obvious that he rather studied during lunch break, instead of getting slightly intoxicated with Butterbeer or whatever else they were consuming. Now they were laughing about him, calling him a swot.

He didn't mind. After all, he was here to learn something and he wanted to earn Professor O'Flaherty's praise; he wanted to please the man who had given him this great chance in life.

And Professor O'Flaherty was very pleased indeed with his young protégé. Severus was a natural in Potions; he had an understanding of ingredients and how they corresponded with each other that was rarely to be found. So, soon after Severus had started his apprenticeship, O'Flaherty asked him to assist him on a project to improve Gunhilda of Gorsemoor's cure for Dragon Pox, since there were still too many, especially elderly wizards and witches dying from the disease.

Some weeks later, they had succeeded in improving the cure, albeit it was too late for Abraxas Malfoy, Lucius' father, who died of Dragon Pox only a couple of days before. It was then that Severus met Lucius again. His former _mentor_ was still looking as dashing and superior as ever, even- or especially- when he was publicly mourning his loss in the corridors of St Mungo's. The cameras of the _Daily Prophet_ and other wizarding papers were clicking in a frenzy to not miss a single tear his grey eyes shed, but none of them saw the sparkle that was also there, but hidden well.

Due to his father's death, Lucius Malfoy was now one of the wealthiest men in wizarding Britain.

He donated a generous sum to St Mungo's for their attempts to save his father's life, and he even had the nerve to pat Severus' shoulder as if they were still friends, as if he hadn't sent the Cruciatus Curse his way the last time they had met.

-o-

"Professor O'Flaherty asked me to write an essay about our improvement of Gorsemoor's cure for Dragon Pox," Severus said proudly that night at dinner, "and if he considers it agreeable, he will see to it that it gets published in _The Practical Potioneer_."

"Wow, Sev, that's really great." Raven withstood the urge to hug him, but she was so very happy for him. "I'm certain your essay will be brilliant."

He couldn't hide his smile. "It is indeed an honour to get published for someone in his first year of apprenticeship."

"And you deserve it so. After all, you've been working hard on that cure those past few weeks."

Severus was still smiling, and that made her heart beat faster. Did he have any idea of just how handsome he was when he smiled? An army of butterflies started fluttering their wings.

"I was wondering if it is possible to develop a vaccine against Dragon Pox- you know, like the vaccines that Muggles have against all kinds of diseases. Dragon Pox is such a ridiculous illness and yet there are still wizards and witches dying from it."

"Have you proposed that idea to O'Flaherty already?"

He shook his head no. "I wanted to talk to you first. It seems to be such a very... _Muggle_ idea. I am not certain it will be appreciated in the wizarding world."

"What's wrong with keeping people from dying, even if it's the Muggle way?" Raven gave to consider. "You know, Sev, sometimes we magical folk can indeed learn from Muggles, and who might be a better candidate than a half-blood when it comes to give a lesson on innovations? I really think we are the privileged ones because we know both worlds."

"Hm," Severus pondered about that, thought of the man who had fathered him, and quickly changed the topic. "I met Lucius Malfoy today. While the reporters were still there, he feigned grief about his father's death, but afterwards he patted my shoulder and pretended we were... _friends_. He even asked me to meet him later this night at the newest... _hot_ place in Knockturn Alley, the _Red Lantern_- isn't that where you are working?- probably to celebrate his inheritance."

Now it was Raven who would have loved to change the topic of their conversation. "What did you say to his invitation?"

"I politely declined it, of course."

She breathed a sigh of relief since she really didn't want Severus to see her dancing scantily clad in front of the likes of Lucius Malfoy of all people. Actually, she didn't want Malfoy to see her either.

-o-

"What's that supposed to mean?" Henri groaned in exaggerated agitation when he saw Raven handing out fancy little masks to her co-dancers.

"Tonight's Venetian Night," she replied calmly as she glanced at him through her mask that covered the upper part of her face around her eyes and ended in feathers at her left temple.

He had to admit that it was not the turn-off he had expected- quite the contrary actually, considering the state of his grand little Henri. The girls were looking more mysterious with those masks on, which left more room for imagination, and imagination was good for business.

"Very well," he agreed, "tonight's Venetian Night."

Oh, that bloody minx! She would be his ruin, the very end of him. Why did he always have to give in to her whims? Ah, he knew... she made him rich. Incredibly, indecently rich. Granted, she wasn't the prettiest of his girls- Lettie, for example, got much more tips because she really was a looker, blonde-haired and so sweet- but in the end it was Raven Lestrange who made the cash register jingle with joy. She seemed to have a great understanding of what his patrons wanted.

It had been an almost blasphemous idea for a nightclub that was meant to incite the carnal desires of young, wealthy pure-blood wizards (and even that was almost blasphemous, since he was not offering the final satisfaction) to come up with a fictional currency that strongly reminded of Muggle dollars, and yet it was a success. So when the common sense of morality was low anyway, Henri concluded, people were apparently more tolerant of anything that was as new and exciting as his innovations in the wizarding world were.

On the other hand, sex would always sell. That much Henri was certain of.

-o-

"… forget Dumbledore, forget his organisation," Lucius drawled. "We've got friends in the right positions at the Ministry." He raised his glass of champagne in a toast. "To the Dark Lord!"

"To the Dark Lord!"

It wasn't the first time Raven heard patrons toasting to the Dark Lord. After all, the _Lantern_ was situated in Knockturn Alley and it was supposed to be a place where the young and wealthy pure-bloods could meet, and many of those were followers of Voldemort. Today, however, there was a particularly illustrious group of them, including her not-cousins. And Lucius was their very generous host.

He beckoned her over in order to stuff a hundred Lantern-dollar note into her bra. "Dance for my friend Rodolphus here; he's a bit down because his dear missus is otherwise engaged." Malfoy chuckled.

Raven did as she was being told, but her not-cousin seemed to be really down since he was hardly paying attention. That money was easily earned. Well, she didn't mind. The image of the chrome- glittering beauty in front of her mind's eye was becoming more definite, and all the same she was suddenly beginning to grasp this other big chance that was being offered to her... almost on a silver tray. The less attention they were paying her, the more attention she could pay to what they were talking about.

But what to do with her knowledge?

Her idea of becoming a wizarding Mata Hari ended just as abruptly as it had begun because, contrary to the famous spy/exotic dancer, Raven had no connections. Not within the Ministry and neither within Dumbledore's secret organisation. And yet she felt the need to tell someone- anybody- what the Death Eaters were planning. Otherwise, some innocent people might die.

Raven knew she just couldn't walk into Auror headquarters in order to pass the information. Even if someone believed her, her cover would be blown immediately and she could forget about spying on future Death Eater patrons; she might even lose her job. Like a bubble of soap, her vision of the Harley seemed to explode. Oh no, she wasn't going to take that. Besides, Lucius had mentioned some friends at the Ministry, and the risk of running into one of them was too high.

So she started pondering if there was any chance to pass information to Dumbledore and his Order of the Phoenix. The problem was that she just didn't trust her former headmaster. Raven couldn't knock at his door at Hogwarts and tell him that some Muggleborn families were in danger. On the other hand, she couldn't let them get killed, knowing it would happen.

But who was there to trust with her knowledge?

-o-

Raven returned home earlier than usual that night, given that Henri had actually decided to close the _Lantern_ after the Death Eaters had left and the cash register was jingling happily with all the money Mister Malfoy- _Merlin bless him _(Henri's words, not hers)- had spent. It was so easy for him to only see the advantages of his business, and business was going well for him, but Raven's conscience was heavily loaded with all the things she had overheard.

For a minute or two she stopped at Severus' door, thinking things over, before she finally knocked and entered. The sight that greeted her was ever so adorable- he was sleeping, looking so peaceful and... all of a sudden he opened his eyes, sat up in a whirl of grey, and aimed his wand at her throat.

Then he seemed to recognize her.

"Wha'd'yewant?" He rasped, still in a state of slumber but threateningly nevertheless.

"Put that away, will you?" Casually, Raven pushed away his wand, not at all being concerned of what he could have done with it. In her mind's eye was still the picture of him sleeping so peacefully, looking so relaxed it made her heart ache for him, and she almost regretted having woken him at all. But there were more pressing matters at hand now.

Wearily, Severus wiped his face and glared at her. "What's up, Lestrange?" He glanced at his alarm clock that told him he could have slept for at least two more hours if only she hadn't bothered him. On the other hand, his teenage body didn't mind being bothered by a pretty witch.

For a brief moment, she was even looking radiantly beautiful to him.

"I need to talk to you. And I need your advice. Would you like me to brew us a cup of tea?"

A little later, they met in the kitchen where Severus gratefully accepted a cup of tea and Raven tried to not frown about the faded grey nightshirt he was wearing, which was so very much the death of sexiness... and yet quite helpful for her to focus on what she really wanted to talk about now.

"Malfoy and some of his friends, including my not-cousins, were at the _Lantern_ tonight, and they were talking about a planned attack on a Muggleborn family in Dorset-"

"You eavesdropped on Malfoy and his fellows?" Severus interjected.

"Well, sort of. They were not really trying to keep their conversation a secret, so eavesdropping is probably not the correct word. It's more like I happened to overhear what they were talking about."

"But he must have recognized you."

"Not likely, since I was wearing a Venetian mask to cover my identity."

Now he was frowning at her. "Would you please be so kind to elaborate again what it is precisely that you are doing in that bar?" Severus asked in a calm, controlled voice, and she just knew he had figured her out.

"I'd rather not. Besides, it's not the point. I have to find a way to pass that information-"

"Lestrange!" He cut her off with a menacing scowl on his face. "Don't you think it's about time you're finally telling me the whole truth? What is it that you are earning your money with? And I'd prefer you to not come up with lame excuses."

"Well then," Raven let out a frustrated sigh, knowing he wouldn't be pleased to learn the truth about her job, and he wasn't indeed when she had told him all about it. He shot her a scandalized glance, but she really wasn't in the mood of hearing a lesson in decency. Instead, she rolled her eyes. "Oh, just stop being such a prude. I'm not prostituting myself, and even that would be none of your business, since you are not my boyfriend."

_Was there a hint of regret in her voice? _Severus wondered briefly before he dismissed that weird thought and responded, "No, but I'm your friend. I don't want you to dance half-naked in front of Death Eaters. I won't let you-"

"Severus!" She fumed..

"You are quite a bright witch, you did well in your NEWTs- you can't tell me there's no decent job for you."

"I'm bloody not looking for a _decent_ job. Merlin's balls, did you even listen to me at all? I told you the Death Eaters are planning to attack a Muggleborn family in Dorset and I'm looking for a way to pass that information to the Dumbledore's bloody Order. This is about saving lives and not about how much I'm wearing while eavesdropping on evil plans."

Neither of them won their glaring competition.

"Send an anonymous message to Dumbledore," Severus suggested in the end.

"Yeah, but I'll have to cover my tracks damn well if I don't want him to reveal my identity. It's likely that I'm going to overhear more Death Eater plans in the near future-"

"You want to continue spying on them?"

"Decidedly," Raven replied, flashing him a somewhat mulish glance.

"Would you please come to your senses, Lestrange? It's dangerous-"

"We're living in dangerous times, Sev. Working as an Auror is dangerous and yet you had no reservations when I came up with my career plans."

"Because there is a difference between attending proper Auror training and coming up with that ridiculous idea of spying on Death Eaters in a seedy bar in Knockturn Alley."

"At least there's a difference in payment."

"Great, go and risk your life for that infernal Muggle machine you want to buy!" He said waspishly.

"Oh, that's only a nice bonus. I just don't want to twiddle my thumbs and lie low while Lord V is out there killing people, and if I'm too much a Slytherin for the Ministry to be accepted into Auror training, then I have to be even more a Slytherin."

"What's got posing half-naked in front of Death Eaters to do with being Slytherin?"

"So now it's my scantily-clad state again and not so much the risk of exposure?"

"You _are_ exposing yourself, Lestrange."

"Well, that certainly is a valid interpretation, but such a typically male one."

Severus narrowed his eyes at her. "Humour me- even if I don't think it's funny- and pray tell me what your interpretation is."

"Well," she lit a cigarette. "You think if I pose half-naked in front of whoever that I reduce myself to an object of carnal desire. I say, however, that I'm not selling myself. I sell fantasies. Yes, sexual fantasies, indeed. But I'm merely playing a very old game, probably as old as mankind itself, by spurring on the male imagination. And that, Sev, gives me a certain power over them because the male mind in general is so predictable. Men stop thinking when they're being confronted with the allures of a female body; they throw caution to the wind if they catch sight of breasts, and then they become careless. Add spirits to that mixture and they spill all their secrets without even realizing it, because they tend to forget that sometimes there's a brain behind a desirable body."

"I'm not like that... I'm not focused on sexual lures," Severus protested although it was undeniable that his body begged to differ. All that talk about spurring on the male imagination had turned him on. And she was not only a pretty witch, but apparently also an experienced one- and his best friend. It just wasn't right to envision her half-naked (or _scantily-clad_, like she would phrase her state of not being properly dressed.)

"Unfortunately," Raven sighed quietly. She would have loved to prove him wrong, knowing she could probably seduce him right here and now- but it would be meaningless. A quick shag on the kitchen table would only ruin their friendship and that was a risk she was not going to take. Then she noticed that he was shooting her a puzzled glance. _Oh fuck_. "Um... I mean, _fortunately_ most guys are not like you, otherwise I'd be without a job."

"Hm." He was still displeased- with her and her choice of job, and just as much with himself because he was not that different from the guys he so despised. Silently, Severus cursed his treacherous teenage body for all its desperate needs, knowing it was _wrong_ and hoping it would just stop being so sexually frustrated that he could hardly focus on more pressing matters.

For a moment, the tension between them became so tight with pent-up emotions that it almost led to an involuntary outbreak of magic; the air seemed to be buzzing as if it was on high voltage- and then it ended just as soon as it had begun when Raven heaved a sigh, asking Severus, "So, are you gonna help me or not?"

"Do you really have to do that?"

There was that defiant sparkle in her eyes that made him realise she was dead sure about her way of proceeding things. He was not happy about it, but he agreed nevertheless.

"Meet me at the Leaky Cauldron for lunch. I will come up with an idea."

"Thanks! You're just the best, Sev!"

Severus cast his eyes heavenwards as if hoping for the support of whatever deity, then he turned to Raven again. "Please try to wear something decent."

-o-

Severus might have admired her cunning to use her female allures in order to spy on the followers of the Dark Lord, and probably it was even Slytherin- but most of all it was dangerous. He didn't want her to risk her life for people she didn't know and who didn't care about her.

Raven, however, was finally feeling like she was doing something useful. After being rejected for Auror training, she had been down for a long time, but now her life got a new meaning. She could still defy Voldemort in her very own way, without fighting in Dumbledore's Order. Actually, she even preferred to not be out there, fighting, when she could be dancing instead.

-o-

Severus groaned when she entered the Leaky Cauldron, a little too late as usual. In a hurry she tried to fling some robes over her Muggle attire, slapping the fabric into the faces of some innocent bystanders in the process, before the seam of her robes got tangled with the ridiculous high heels she was wearing and she stumbled into the waitress carrying a large tray with Butterbeers for her thirsty patrons on lunch break. It was a miracle that only one of the pints crashed down and only one of the patrons received a shower of Butterbeer instead of getting to drink it. She flashed that wizard an apologetic smile, made quite some fuss about his robes- instead of simply using her wand to tidy him up- and the guy actually possessed the nerve to smile at her in return. Then she stalked over to where Severus was sitting, smirking ever so smugly.

"Lestrange," he sighed. Although he really liked her, sometimes she just was a living disaster. Fortunately, she was pretty enough that no one took offence at her clumsiness. Quite the contrary, actually. The wizard she had given a free Butterbeer shower was even willing to buy her a drink, as it seemed.

So perhaps she was right with her point of view that the male mind was very predictable when being confronted with the sight of a pretty witch, and that led to the conclusion that she was also right about all the other things she had told him... mainly, that she probably managed indeed to exercise a certain kind of _power_ over the patrons that came to see her dancing half-naked in that seedy bar where she was wasting away her talent.

"How was your morning?" She asked, flashing him a smile.

"Agreeable," he responded.

When he touched her knee, Raven almost thought he wanted to- but no, only an instant later she realized he was merely trying to surreptitiously shove a vial of whatever into her hand. Her fingers closed around the glassy surface and she glanced at him inquiringly.

"Is that what I think it is?"

Severus arched a brow at her. "Well, it depends on what you think that it is?"

She mouthed the words 'Polyjuice Potion', and he nodded barely noticeably. "I started brewing a batch of it anyway, some weeks ago. Use it to cover your identity when you walk into the Post Office to send an anonymous owl to Dumbledore. All you need to do is to add an extract of the person you want to become- a hair will do fairly well- and your cover won't blow."

"I thought you'd come up with that," Raven smirked as she opened her other hand to reveal a strand of hair she was holding in her palm. According to its colour, it seemed to belong to the wizard she had so generously given a Butterbeer shower a little earlier.

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You planned that... _mishap_ of yours?"

She chuckled and shook her head. "Nope... there was no planning on my part. It just happened and then I simply used the opportunity."

_Oh. Dear. Merlin._ Severus glared at his friend and frowned. "I really shouldn't support you in your rather Gryffindor-ish idea of having to save the world from the Dark Lord, but since I'm doing it anyway, you could at least promise me to be careful. Don't go risking your life for just any stupid Muggleborns."

Raven bent forward to kiss his check, feeling touched by his concern. So he did care about her!

"I solemnly swear that I will be as careful as possible, Sev," she whispered in his ear. After all, she decidedly had no death wish since she wanted to live and see the day he finally came to realize that she was not only available but also a much better choice than bloody St Lily on the pedestal with her holier-than-thou attitude.


	33. Frustration

33- Frustration

"MUGGLEBORN FAMILY KILLED IN DORSET"

the headline in the _Daily Prophet_ read, making Raven almost choke on her coffee. She had to close her eyes in disbelief for a moment, wondering what the fuck had gone wrong. Anger was boiling up within her. Had her warning really been that unclear? She then read the whole article, only to realize that apparently her warning hadn't been taken serious enough, although it must have reached Dumbledore. But either he didn't trust anonymous messages or the Ministry had fucked it up since merely one Auror had been there to protect the Chapmans, and he had been used to kill them. Of course, the _Daily Prophet_ remained quite vague about what really happened that night, but reading between the lines Raven came up with the conclusion that Auror Jenkins was under the Imperius Curse when he slaughtered the family in the cruellest way possible. There was a picture of him, bloodstained and laughing like mad, while in the background a house was burning to ruins. If you pored over the picture, however, you could still see the fading trace of a Dark Mark looming in the skies.

Nevertheless, poor Auror Jenkins had already been sent to Azkaban.

That night in the Red Lantern, Death Eaters and other sympathisers of Voldemort's ideology were excessively celebrating their splendid victory, while cheering about the stupidity of the Ministry. If they continued sending their own people to Azkaban, the Dark Lord would win this war in no time.

Although Raven agreed with them when it came to the stupidity of the Ministry, she really didn't want to be reigned by Lord V and his cronies, and so she took another dose of Polyjuice Potion to send another note to Dumbledore.

_'You had better taken my warning more serious. Too many died already and now an innocent wizard is going to rot away his life in Azkaban.'_

-o-

Raven never found out if Auror Jenkins had been pardoned because he was under the Imperius Curse when he slaughtered the Chapmans. She could have told Dumbledore that it was Mulciber senior who had cast the curse, although Bellatrix Lestrange (wife of her not-cousin Rodolphus and apparently the reason for his often so surly mood that caused him to drink too much) had made Jenkins act like a puppet on strings, feeding him with all those perfidious ideas.

Did it matter anyway?

There seemed to be no point and purpose for her to pursue her career as a spy for the Order any longer, since all information she could possible gather was worthless due to her lack of a reliable connection there. On the other hand, she didn't want to be involved too much either.

"You know, I don't want to change the world or win this bloody war," she muttered, sipping her coffee in frustration, "but is it really such a bad idea to try and make a difference, even if it's only one life I can possibly save? And no, Sev, I don't want to hear now that I'm an idealistic dreamer."

An owl pecking at the window spared him from answering her question. Severus let the feathered beastie in and gave it a treat.

"A letter from Professor Steel," he realized as he handed Raven the parchment, unmistakably addressed to her. "What does she write?"

"'_Sorry to learn you have not been accepted into Auror training. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about it although I think you are fairly well qualified for this job. In case you are still interested in pursuing that path of career, there's a list of books I recommend you to read.'_

"Look, she really included the complete book list for first year Auror trainees!

"_The Art of Concealment and Disguise_, by Lincoln Abernathy; _Tracking- a Beginner's Guide, _by Magnus Maria Stepson," Raven read aloud, "_Powerful Potions for Auror Use_, by Glyzanthina Rubinius-"

"I'm surprised that Rubinius woman is still allowed to publish," Severus cut in. "Among experts she is considered a quack ever since she claimed to have found a cure against vampirism and was transformed into a vampire herself by one of her allegedly tame test subjects only a little later."

"Well," Raven chuckled, "I suppose her changed eating habits haven't influenced her writing skills."

"Probably not." He fell silent for a moment before glancing at Raven again; his expression was absolutely inscrutable now. "Don't you think Professor Steel could do something for you in order to advance your Auror career, if you moved to America?"

"Yeah, perhaps... but it would feel like running away," she gave to consider, although that was only half the truth. Raven could simply not stand the idea of being separated from Severus, with a vast ocean between them. It would break her heart. Even if living together with him like brother and sister was slowly killing her too, it was still better to be his best friend than being far away from him.

Nevertheless, she had already agreed to visit her parents in Las Vegas over Christmas. They were missing her just as much as she missed them, and so her mother had sent her a plane ticket some days earlier. The Lestranges would have loved to invite Severus, too, but they knew very well how proud he was and that therefore, he would not accept their offer anyway. Besides, he claimed to be quite busy over the holidays due to an essay he had to write.

Of course, that was an understatement. Severus wasn't just writing any essay- he was working on a scientific disquisition about the improvement that had been made to Gunhilda of Gorsemoor's cure for Dragon Pox. If he did well and Professor O'Flaherty gave his approval, Severus wouldn't only receive good marks like at school. There was more at stake than that. He actually had the chance to make himself a reputation, to get published in all the important Potion journals worldwide.

Raven was so happy for Sev. O'Flaherty had recognised his immense potency and was giving him the chance he deserved!

Little did she know that his rise to recognition could actually backfire on him one day.

-o-

Raven returned from Las Vegas after having spent a rather uneventful week with her parents, and almost immediately she noticed the... difference. Life in America was still quite peaceful in comparison to wizarding Britain, where the war was raging with full force now. Not a single day went by without the _Daily Prophet_ reporting about the murder or sudden disappearance of Muggleborn wizards and witches, but the headline was always in much bolder letters when the Aurors actually managed to capture one of Lord Voldemort's followers.

He wasn't called _Lord Voldemort_ anymore, though. It seemed as if a curse or a taboo was on his name, because no one dared to speak it out loud. He had become _You-Know-Who_ or _He Who Must Not Be Named_ by the majority of the wizarding population, whereas he was the _Dark Lord_ among his supporters. But almost everyone whispered his name in either fear or awe.

Raven, however, would still refer to him as _Lord V_, just like she had always done.

With the dawn of a new year, new laws were being enacted by the head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Bartemius Crouch. He was already famous for aggressively prosecuting Dark Wizards, but now he authorised Aurors to use Unforgivable Curses on You-Know-Who's followers, and it happened on regular occasions that a captured Death Eater was sent to Azkaban without a trial. Some of them would even receive the Dementor's Kiss.

In the early days of 1979, the death toll increased on both sides. Wizards and witches died in endless battles of dark against light, and for each captured or killed Death Eater, the Dark Lord ordered the death of another Muggle or Muggleborn, which made the Aurors as well as the Order of the Phoenix attack even harder. A spiral of violence had been triggered and there seemed to be no way to ever stop it.

The war was at it's height, causing an air of mistrust that brought an almost tangible change in wizarding society. Wizards and witches started to denunciate their neighbours- sometimes only to cover their own allegiance, no matter what side they were on. When it came to one's own survival in those times, many people didn't seem to be hesitant about selling their soul to the nasty devil of war. Trying to place their bets well, trimming their sails to whatever wind was blowing in reference to the latest headlines in the Daily Prophet, changing allegiances on a daily basis while speculating on who would win in the end.

-o-

In midst of all the chaos, all the fighting and mistrust that went on around them, almost jumping into her face when she was dancing, Raven tried to stay sane. She tried to not get influenced by the infernal mayhem the wizarding world was slipping into.

Of course, there were her Muggle friends that kept her sane and sometimes even beautifully distracted, but they were quite clueless about the danger they were in. Although there were people dying in their world as well, the news didn't push it up that much, and so they had no idea that there was a megalomaniac wizard out there, trying to murder as many Muggles as possible.

Punk rock was still screaming out the injustice of the British class system with all its traditional ways and flaws. Sid Vicious died of a heroin overdose in February.

Meanwhile, Severus proved that one could indeed rise from the dunghill of Spinner's End and all of its low working class charm, up to academic heights. His very eloquent disquisition about the improvement that had been made to Gunhilda of Gorsemoor's cure for Dragon Pox made it to almost every significant potions journal in the whole wizarding world.

A young potions apprentice was becoming prominent, gaining himself quite a reputation among his peers. Raven was happy for him, he had found his place in life.

The next day, however, he was crestfallen.

When she asked him what was wrong, Severus pushed the Daily Prophet over the table for her to read. Soon, she knew what was bothering him.

"_**James Potter announces his engagement with Lily Evans!**_" Raven read the headline in the gossips column. "_Dashing James Potter, star of Hogwarts Gryffindor Quidditch Team for the past six years, and sole heir of James Potter senior, broke many hopeful young witches' heart yesterday, when he announced his engagement with the beautiful, red-haired Lily Evans. Mr Potter and Miss Evans were house mates at Hogwarts and started dating in their seventh year when they were made Head Boy and Head Girl. 'It was love at first sight,' Mr Potter states, flashing his charming fiancé a look of love from his hazel eyes as he takes her delicate hand into his strong one. Miss Evans' eyes are shining like pure green emeralds with happiness. She is such a lucky witch, even if it took her six years to allow the spark of love to ignite her lonely heart... _Bla, bla bla, what a sappy shit! And of course are emeralds green!"

"The wedding is this spring," Severus said as gloomily as if the world was going to end this spring. As if the war alone was not enough a challenge for the wizarding world. He heaved a weary sigh, "What does she see in him?"

"Well, apparently he is _dashing_," Raven quoted the article, written by a certain Rita Skeeter- who seemed to be a novice in her job. "He also is a Quidditch champion, and- last but not least- he's the sole heir of the Potter fortune. They will live in a posh house, have an army of house-elves, and dear Lily will never have to worry about dirtying her pretty little hands. I think she made quite a good catch- if that's what one asks for in life."

"But I... she's wasting away her talent!"

_What talent_, Raven wondered, although she had to admit that bloody Lily Evans was indeed quite a bright witch, who did much better in her NEWTs than Raven herself. On the other hand- "Or she used it in a very clever way."

"But we had plans. She wanted to become a healer and I... I will have to work harder to give her what she needs, and-"

Although Raven hated to hurt him, she cut him off nevertheless, "Severus, Lily is going to marry James bloody Potter this spring, and no matter how hard you work, you won't be able to change that. For some reasons I don't understand either, your precious Lily is in love with that arrogant, bullying toerag, and if you ask me, that says a lot about her. Get used to the fact that Lily simply does. Not. Love. You. I know, it's hard but-"

"What do you know about it?" He snarled, scowling at her.

"More than you will ever fathom," she replied sadly, but Severus was still too upset about the news to pay attention to her longing glance that was directed at him.

"He'll endanger her with all his stupid, Gryffindor traits- most likely he is a member of Dumbledore's secret resistance group, heroically fighting against the Dark Lord."

"Yes, he is. And so is Lily."

With that statement, she suddenly had his full attention- albeit not in a way she would have preferred.

"What are you trying to tell me now, Lestrange? Is Lily fighting actively for Dumbledore's Order of the Phoenix? Has Potter forced her to join that organisation?"

Raven couldn't answer his last question- had Potter forced her to join? Nah, she mightily doubted that. After all, she knew Lily, and the Lily Evans she knew would never let anyone _force_ her into something she didn't believe in with all of her self-righteousness. Instead, it was more likely that Lily Evans would force her beliefs upon the wizarding world, and if she had joined the Order, it was only because she thought she was doing the right thing in her little black and white world.

So well, Evans was indeed an active member of the Order of the Phoenix- Raven didn't have to tell him that; he could read her mien and her Occlumency shields were down anyway. All of a sudden, her usually so intelligent Severus come up with the most stupid idea ever since he actually considered to join Lord Voldemort and his forces in order 'to be able to protect Lily.'

Lily, Lily, Lily. Why was it always about bloody St Lily-on-the-pedestal-of-light-and-self-righteousness? Why was she so fucking special to him? What has she ever done for him to justify his love for her?

Raven narrowed her eyes at him, giving him the exact replica of the scowl he always used on others- including her- before she snarled, "You know, Sev, it's about time you forget about that absurd dream of you and Lily living together happily ever after. She doesn't give a damn about you, no matter how hard you try to please her- and trying to please her by joining Lord V is such a downright stupid idea that I'm actually beginning to wonder about what had happened to that usually so bright mind of yours, because you seem to suffer from a momentarily lack of intelligence.

"So get a grip on yourself! I've had it with your adoration for Lily Evans. Why don't you just go and find yourself a girl that loves you not in spite of who you are but because of the way you are?"

She was so upset, she didn't even give him a chance to answer her question but stormed out of the kitchen and slammed shut the door to her room, leaving him sitting at the kitchen table with furrowed brows. His jaw dropped.

He had no clue what had gotten into Lestrange. She had appeared so furious, but he didn't know why.

True, he wanted to be loved, just like everybody did- except for those who only wanted to be feared. Severus, however, had already experienced too much fear, too much bullying, to chose that way of life. He wanted to be loved... and he had always hoped it would be Lily who would come to love him. One day. Because Lily was his synonym for love; she was his light. Lily was the first person who had ever cared about him. She was the first who had seen more in him than just mismatched clothes and a miserable childhood, and she had treated him kindly... until that very day, end of fifth year. From one instant to the other her attitude towards him had changed. Due to a slip of tongue. And although he had never meant to call her _Mudblood_, that awful word had left his lips. Afterwards, she had called him _Snivellus_, like only his worst enemies- the Marauders- did. She had even taunted him in quite a spiteful tone when she made her remark about his greyish underwear, and she had cut ties with him, rather vehemently, when he had tried to apologize; she had given up on him.

Strangely, he suddenly realized, Raven would never do that. She was more the person who fumed and yelled at him, slamming shut a door in anger and frustration- hell, she'd even slap him in the Muggle way to give vent- but she'd never abandon him. Raven Lestrange was his solid rock in hard times, never giving up on him.

_Why_? He wondered. _Why does she have that much faith in me?_

It was because of her moral support, because of her clever way of making him realize that he didn't really want to join Lord Voldemort's fraternity of pure-blood supremacists by coming up with historic facts about other tyrants. And now he was glad that he hadn't sold his soul to the Dark Lord like he would have probably done without Raven's arguments.

Why did she care so much about him to prevent him from making a huge mistake?

Of course, they were friends. And yet, the friendship with her tasted so different to what he had with Lily. It was more... _real_- in substitute for a better word he couldn't come up with now.

Raven cared about him, probably more than Lily had ever done, but after all's said and done, it was always Lily's picture that popped up in his mind's eyes when he thought about love. When he thought about love it was made of red and green. Of sparkling emerald eyes and dark red hair glowing like fire in the sunlight.

But sometimes, somewhere deep in the depths of his subconscious, he saw dark blue summer skies when thinking about love.

Love was a still mystery to him. He didn't understand those crazy feelings of longing and despair because he couldn't explain them in any sensible academic way, and so he pushed them to the very back of his mind, hoping they would rot there. He'd better focus on his apprenticeship.

-o-

Raven's sexual life was... frustrating, to put it mildly. Her relationship with Severus was one-sided and unrequited, at least if you considered it in a romantic way. Of course, they were best friends- but she was growing tired of living with him like brother and sister because she wanted more.

In order to fill the void within her, she decided to go shopping. But she wouldn't just buy a new pair of shoes today. No lingerie and no fancy dress either. Today, she would make her dream come true.

Although no money in the whole fucking world would ever buy her Severus' love, there was something that would make her feel better. A dream in glittering chrome that held the promise of freedom, of feeling the wind in her face. And if fate was on her side, perhaps she could knock down bloody St Lily with her brand new Harley Davidson... on the other hand, that would leave nasty spots...

-o-

Severus left St Mungo's laboratory for Potions Research after quite a successful day, silently brimming with joy because Professor O'Flaherty had praised him. Lost in thoughts, he exited the main doors, thinking about Raven. She had met him for lunch, proudly presenting her new means of transport. He still didn't know what was wrong with Portkeys, Floo travel or Apparition that a witch would prefer to ride such an infernal machine, but she had beamed with so much happiness that he simply didn't have the heart to disappoint her. And so he had listened to her ranting about V-engines and horse power (fortunately he was not as daft as other wizards, who would have wondered where all those horses were) while she was running a gentle hand from the slightly extended front fork over the tank to the saddle. For an instant, he had stared in fascination at her fingers caressing the bloody motorbike, wondering how it would feel if she touched his body instead... and then he had quickly dispelled that thought.

But he was looking forward to go home, because Raven had promised to cook his favourite dinner in order to celebrate her newest acquisition, and Severus was willing to be happy for her.

"Hello, Severus."

He stopped dead in his tracks the very moment he recognized the voice. Turning around slowly, he saw Narcissa Malfoy stepping out of the shadows where she had apparently- been waiting for him? Severus arched an enquiring brow at her.

"Pleased to meet you, Mrs Malfoy."

"Oh, please call me Narcissa. After all, we're friends, aren't we?"

Her voice sounded sweet- perhaps a tad too sweet for his liking- so he instinctively took a step backwards. True, Narcissa had always been kind to him, but she _was_ Lucius' wife and Severus could still recall quite clearly how one of his last encounters with her husband had ended. Then, he had been at the receiving end of Lucius' wrath, born out of jealousy or envy or whatever. And as a result, Severus had had to suffer from the Cruciatus Curse.

After Abraxas Malfoy's death, however, Lucius had pretended they were still friends. Remembering that, alarm bells ringing, Severus nevertheless asked politely, "How can I be at your service, ma'am?"

Meanwhile, a group of his colleagues left the building and spotted him with just another pretty witch- the second one today- and while some of them started wolf-whistling at the sight of Mrs Malfoy, the others were beginning to wonder what they were doing wrong if such an unattractive, big-nosed swot like Snape seemed to get all the pretty witches. A black-haired beauty for lunch and a blonde goddess for dinner. They slapped his shoulder as the walked past him, not knowing that his encounter with Narcissa Malfoy was not as pleasant as it appeared at first glance.

"Oh, you're such a dear," she chirped, flashing him her most adorable smile, "always so formal and polite."

_Well, yes- but what do you want? _

"I came to apologize for my husband's behaviour. He regrets so deeply that he hurt you- but you know Lucius. He is too proud a man to say he's sorry for all the things that went wrong between the two of you, but he definitely misses the friendship you shared."

_What friendship? _ Severus wondered.

"Please, let me invite you for dinner at Malfoy Mansion tonight. You could sort out all of your... misunderstandings in a cosy, familiar atmosphere and-"

Severus just knew that she wasn't telling him the whole truth. Narcissa Malfoy nee Black would never come to St Mungo's and wait outside like a commoner only to invite him, Severus Snape, a lowly half-blood from Spinner's End, for dinner. When he politely declined her invitation (because he already had a date for dinner), her face seemed to fall and an expression of fright flickered over her delicate features; she was positively scared of something.

"Severus, please," she started to beg, and he couldn't help but feel sorry for her. "Please, you just have to come with me."

"What is Lucius up to now?"

"My husband only has your best interest at heart." The moment of panic was gone; Narcissa was back to being the sophisticated pure-blood witch. And, of course, she wasn't scared of her husband. No matter what one thought about the Malfoys, Lucius did truly love his wife.

"We will have another guest tonight," she continued, now with her nose up in the air as though she was superior to Severus due to his blood-status, but her pride appeared somewhat... feigned, and a trace of that fear was back again.

"The Dark Lord," Severus concluded in a low whisper. He had known all along that the time would come for Lord Voldemort to call him again- and he had wished it wouldn't happen any time soon. Now he had to play the role of a loyal admirer. So he took Narcissa's arm quite roughly and hissed, "You stupid witch! Why didn't you tell me straight away that the Dark Lord is expecting me?"

He barely had time to sort through all his thoughts and memories before they Apparated to Malfoy Mansion, but at least he managed to replace his most secret feelings with banal events of his everyday life as a potions apprentice.

_Thanks to my dear beta Alabaster Princess._


	34. Poison

_My dears, I'm spoiling you with another chapter but don't get used to such quick updates. Enjoy reading_ _and don't forget to review._

_Thanks as usual to my wonderful team of betas, hypnotic ink and Alabaster Princess._

34- Poison

"Severus! I'm so glad you could make it." Lucius drawled as he welcomed his friend and despite his casual greeting, the sigh of relief was audible in his voice.

Severus, however, was not to be taken in by fancy words without meaning. He knew that Lucius had missed him just as much as it was the other way round, and the only interest they shared was to not get at the wrong side of the Dark Lord's wrath. So Lucius had arranged for Severus to come and there he was.

Without wasting time for pleasantries, Severus came straight to the point. "I understood His Lordship wants to see me?"

Oh, Lucius Malfoy was so easy to read. His upper lip twitched, showing badly hidden contempt about the fact that the Dark Lord- the saviour of pure-blood supremacy- had sent for a lowly half-blood, and what could Snape do to please Voldemort that _he_ couldn't? After all, he was of much purer blood.

"He's in the Green Parlour," Lucius answered and called for a house-elf to show Severus the way.

The house-elves at Malfoy Manor were so very different to those that Severus knew- he had noticed it before and was noticing it again now as he was following that little, bony and very subdued creature down a long corridor from the entrance hall to the Green Parlour, wondering who was more nervous. That poor elf or he himself?

Dear Merlin, he was about to meet the Dark Lord again! The saviour of the wizarding world or its threat- depending which side you were on.

He entered the Green Parlour and remembered immediately that the Dark Lord expected his followers to be reverential at his sight- _just like house-elves_, the thought struck his mind- and so he sank to his knees and lowered his head.

"My Lord sent for his unworthy servant?"

"Severus Snape," the Dark Lord spoke in a voice that sounded like the hissing of a snake, "always such a humble and modest young man. Get up, I wish to take a good look at you."

Severus did as he was being told while his Occlumency shield went up the very same instant. Only then he dared to cast a glance at Lord Voldemort.

"My Lord-"

Fortunately, he managed to hide his shock quite well because the man who was once Tom Riddle had changed even more. His features were still distorted and of a waxy structure, like skin wrapped too tightly around a skull, and he was still deathly pale with reddish eyes, but now he seemed to have lost most of his hair. Nevertheless, he radiated more or... greater power than the last time they had met. Severus could almost _feel_ that power; it was awe-inspiring and just as frightening as it was intoxicating. Magic was might, he realized and he yearned for that.

The Dark Lord smiled, looking rather gruesome as he did so. Then he reached out one long, spidery finger to tilt up Severus' chin, and even that one finger seemed to have more magical power than Severus had in his whole body.

"It came to my attention that you're doing well in your apprenticeship," Lord Voldemort said; it almost sounded like a praise. The Dark Lord was pleased indeed with his promising future follower since he only saw awe and admiration in him, mingled with just the right amount of fear.

"My Lord, I feel deeply honoured," Severus bowed his head again. Anything to avoid those horrible blood-shot eyes, "but I'm not worth the attention of a wizard as powerful as you are. I'm just at the beginning of my apprenticeship and my skills are poor in comparison to yours."

"Indeed. Nevertheless, I will give you the chance to prove yourself worthy, Severus. You still owe me a favour."

'_Anything, my Lord_,' he had once replied so foolishly, thinking he could win time while knowing that the Dark Lord would remind him of his promise; Severus had just hoped it would rather be later than so soon already. But did he ever really had a chance to avoid Lord Voldemort for good? Did he even want that? His power was so intriguing, he longed to have a share in it.

And so he replied with the very same words. "Anything, my Lord."

Severus was torn between feigning his humble allegiance and actually believing in it- after all, he was face to face with an extremely powerful wizard, a master of the Dark Arts and an exceptionally skilled Legilimens, and if he ever wanted to get out of his host's snake pit alive, he had to play along. On the other hand, Lord Voldemort's power was like a drug to him. He knew that it was unhealthy and addictive; it would drag him down into a vicious circle of violence... and yet it held an allure he felt oddly drawn to.

But then there was that nagging voice in the back of his mind, chiding him for being such an _idiot boy. _The voice said, '_come around, Sev, you don't really want to give up your humanity for power and a face like his!'_

Strangely, it was Raven's imaginary voice- not Lily's- that stopped him from doing something incredibly stupid, like pledging his soul to the Dark Lord. Nevertheless, he still owed Voldemort a favour.

-o-

Raven had set the table with care; the wine glasses were polished and she had lit some candles. The delicious smell of garlic and seafood was wafting through the kitchen. Now all she needed for a cosy evening was Severus to come home; he was a tad late already.

She glanced at the clock on the wall, wondering what had kept him. Half an hour later she glanced at the clock again but only five minutes had passed. Raven lit a cigarette. She hated waiting, especially when she had outdone herself with cooking. And even more when there was a brand new Harley Davidson standing outside in the street, eager for a nightly cruise. But no, she had wanted to celebrate with Severus and now she was waiting for him and the pasta was getting cold. Had he forgotten their _date_? Was it called a date at all, when two flat mates were meeting for dinner in their own kitchen?

After half an hour had actually gone by, Raven was getting impatient and with impatience came disappointment. Also, she was a little upset- he could have at least Floo called to tell her he wouldn't make it on time because of... whatever. Exploding cauldrons, the spread of a new disease that only he could find a cure for, the appearance of a troll wrecking havoc at St Mungo's.

On the other hand, it was not typical for Severus to let her down. Of course, he did so every day simply because he was still in love with bloody Lily-soon-to-be-Potter, but that was just another story. Usually, he was a very reliable guy and not someone who forgot about an appointment because it was so much more fun to hang around in a bar with his friends, getting drunk.

When Severus was more than an hour late, Raven cast a _Foveo_ charm on the food in order to keep it warm, although it was probably too late for that anyway. Then she went to her room, slammed shut the door and turned on her stereo, feeling torn between sulking and beginning to worry about him.

One hour later, she was definitely anxious and almost sick with worries. Since it was more than just unlikely that Severus would forget about an appointment made at lunch- and Sev wasn't tardy- the only explanation for his delay was that something must have happened to him. But what? And how was she to find out about it?

Raven racked her head in an attempt to come up with the names of some of his colleagues at St Mungo's potions research, but as far as she remembered, he had never mentioned anyone he was friends with. And it was too late at night already to Floo call Professor O'Flaherty, in order to ask him where his apprentice had disappeared to after work. The idea in itself was ridiculous.

All she could do was to wait for him, and that was quite a taxing thing to do for a worried witch. The idea of sending her Patronus crossed her mind, but she dismissed that idea just as quickly as it had come to her. It might be too embarrassing- after all, she didn't want to appear like a mother hen watching over him- but most of all, she didn't consider it wise, not safe enough. Probably, it was even a sense of foreboding and expecting the worst...

Raven fetched herself the bottle of wine from the kitchen and lit a cigarette to calm her frayed nerves. Merlin, she really hated waiting without being able to do something, anything. She glanced at her watch. It was already ten to eleven.

If Severus didn't come home before midnight, she would have to cast a _Subsisto_ spell on the food and... do what? Ride her Harley to- where? Where in Merlin's name was Severus? She lit another cigarette and tried to stay calm but failed miserably; her hands were shaking.

-o-

Finally, at exactly twenty-two minutes to midnight, there was suddenly a sound at the door. Trembling fingers were turning a key in the lock...

Raven jumped and ran down the hall in order to welcome him, or yell at him for keeping her in the dark about his whereabouts, or... But then she gasped at the sight of him as he stumbled inside, barely able to stand on his own two feet much longer, and only an instant later he collapsed in her arms.

"Sev!" She called out, her voice sounding shrill with panic."You alright? No, forget my stupid question 'cause it's pretty obvious that you're not alright. Is there anything I can do for you? I mean, except babbling..."

His face was as white as chalk and he was breathing heavily, nevertheless he managed to push her away, escaping to the bathroom. "Leave me alone."

He slammed the door in her face, leaving her almost howling with frustration. She wanted to know what had transpired, why he was in such a state. Most certainly he wasn't drunk although she could hear him retching; then he turned on the shower.

Raven pondered whether to remain seated in front of the bathroom door so that he would have to stumble over her when he got out, but then she decided to go to the kitchen and have another glass of wine. And a cigarette. She could use a fag now.

An eternity seemed to pass before he finally exited the bathroom and scuffled into the kitchen, his head hung low. Wet strands of hair were covering his face like curtains of black; there was no way for Raven to fathom his mood.

For an instant, he halted at the door, taking in the scenery. The candles were still burning, the table was so nicely set, and the food on the oven smelled delicious- Severus hated himself for having disappointed her. He would always mess up everything, with everyone. His whole life was a bloody mess.

Severus sat down on a chair and buried his head in his hand, wearily rubbing his face before he mumbled, "I'm sorry."

"Care to elaborate on that?"

He grabbed for the wine bottle and- without bothering to use a glass- took a good swig, drinking the wine as if it was water. It was such an unusual attitude for him that Raven worried even more.

"Are you willing to talk to me or not?" Sometimes, Raven wished she could just as easily switch into the '_we're not on speaking terms'_ mode as Lily used to do, because then she would have been able to simply ignore him and his moods; she could sulk more and worry less...

"The Dark Lord does not ask if it is an opportune moment when he wishes to see someone."

Now her jaw dropped and she stared at him with eyes wide open. Meanwhile, Severus helped himself to one of her cigarettes, lighting it with slightly trembling fingers.

"What did that wanker do to you?"

Smoking made him cough, nevertheless he inhaled deeply once again. He knew, he shouldn't talk about his meeting with the Dark Lord- for her safety- but he couldn't keep hush things either; Raven would pester him with questions until he finally gave in. "You can tell your friends at the wonderful Order of the Phoenix that the Dark Lord chose me to develop a potion that is deathly venomous and to which there will be no remedy available."

"Sev, you may question my morals but never my loyalty. Of course I will not run to Dumbledore's bloody Order and... tattle."

"Perhaps you should reconsider your loyalties."

"I don't think so."

"But I-" Severus took another swig of wine, "I didn't object."

"Since I mightily doubt that Lord V would have accepted no as an answer, I'm glad you didn't refuse to cooperate, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here with you now."

She was right, and it was also a very Slytherin approach. Although she often acted with the idealism of a Gryffindor, Raven didn't see the world divided in black and white like they did. She knew all the different shades of grey, and apparently she didn't think it condemnable that he had agreed to follow the Dark Lord's biddings to first and foremost ensure his own well-being.

Raven reached out to take one of his hands in hers. Her palms were so warm and soft he almost wanted to weep. His evening had been so horrible, so very straining and exhausting- physically as well as mentally- and it felt so damned good to just find some peace now. To enjoy her touch and the unwavering friendship she offered without ever questioning him. When he was with her, he could easily forget the pain and torment he had suffered tonight, and in a very weak moment he even wondered if he could possibly bottle these feelings and sell them as a cure for after effects of the Cruciatus Curse.

Severus must have dropped his Occlumency shield for a brief moment, because Raven gave his hand a sympathetic squeeze and asked again, "What did that bastard to do you?"

"It was meant to be a warning to not fail him."

"Hm," she huffed, "I guess he's never heard of positive sanctions as a possible encouragement to secure the motivation of his followers."

Her words sounded so absurd, he almost laughed out loud. "No, definitely not. The Dark Lord's reign is built on fear and terror."

"Yeah, just like that of any tyrant. I'm wondering why mankind in general are still falling for despots like him, when history shows that it always ends the same- but no, it always needs thousands of innocents to die a horrible death before they finally wake up to realize that, once again, they have been fooled, cheering for just another devil in disguise."

"Unlike you, most people are no history geeks."

"True- but what does a potions geek like you suspect Lord V is hoping to achieve with that potion you are supposed to brew for him? I guess he didn't order it to use it on himself and spare us all a lot of trouble?"

Severus shrugged, he really didn't have any clue what the Dark Lord was up to, but the very idea of him being in possession of a poisonous potion (to which no cure was available) was alarming indeed.

"Ah, let's worry about that tomorrow. We should go to bed now," Raven suggested, stroking his fingers with gentle compassion. "You look like you could use a good night's sleep. Actually, you look like death warmed over."

Although he was dog-tired, the idea of going to his own room and sleeping in his own bed, probably dreaming of blood-shot, almost reptile looking eyes, didn't held much promise to Severus. He'd rather stay in the kitchen, holding hands with Raven, staring into her eyes that reminded him of summer skies... and warmth. It was her warmth he was yearning for and he didn't know why.

-o-

The next morning, Severus felt strangely well-rested and relaxed- until he glanced at his alarm clock. He had to blink twice only to realize that there wasn't anything wrong with his alarm clock; it was indeed past ten already and he was late for work. O'Flaherty would kill him for being that tardy!

He jumped out of his bed and straight into his robes before he hurried to the kitchen, where the Floo was. He had to make a call and explain-

"Good morning," Raven chirped as she put down her newspaper to flash a bright smile at him. "Did you sleep well? Are you feeling better today?"

"Why didn't you wake me, witch?" Severus hissed impatiently. "I'm late! I have to call O'Flaherty and-

"Sit and calm down. I already called O'Flaherty earlier to tell him that you won't be available today."

"You did WHAT?"

"Ah, don't get het up, Sev. He believed my story that you got attacked on your way home yesterday- which isn't completely wrong- and are still suffering from the after affects of a nasty spell that was aimed at you. Of course, O'Flaherty is worried about you now, but I managed to convince him that all you need is a little rest and not a stint at St Mungo's Spell Damage ward."

Severus scowled at Raven, but it didn't seem to have any effect on her; she possessed the nerve to smile at him.

"Would you like some scrambled eggs with bacon?"

"I'd like you to mind your own business," he snapped; it bugged him that she had spoken to O'Flaherty behind his back, arranging things for him without his explicit permission. On the other hand, she only meant well and her action proved that she really seemed to care. Perhaps some apologetic words were in order now?

They ate breakfast in silence and Severus decided that at least his stomach was happy with the feast while his mind was busy pondering over last night's events.

"What do you intend to do about that potion Lord V wants you to brew?" Raven asked all of a sudden as if she could actually read his mind. Of course, the idea of mind-reading was absurd and besides, that was a typically Muggle term- but it nevertheless seemed to hit the mark since he was definitely brooding about that.

"I will be brewing whatever he asks me to brew," Severus replied with a hint of resignation in his voice, trying to not show his fear of what might happen to him should he fail to please the Dark Lord. He knew that he had missed his chance to back out of this association of pure-blood supremacists a long time ago, when he was still too young, too credulous- and probably even a little too daft to really fathom what was going on.

"And what precisely did he ask you to brew?"

"I can't tell you. You already know more about it than is good for you."

"Do you actually believe you can protect me by leaving me in the dark, when everyone knows that knowledge is might?"

"Still, it is safer for you to not know all the details- at least not now." Yes, he wanted to protect her. She was his best friend, the only one who had never let him down, and he didn't want her to get involved in his dangerous liaison with the Dark Lord. In his head, he was already gathering the most vicious and venomous potion ingredients, mixing them all together in an imaginative cauldron...

Raven heaved a sigh. "You think I'm an idealistic dreamer because I tried to become a wizarding Mata Hari, but I'm not."

"I don't mind your idealism, Lestrange; it's alright with me. But it's a foolish idea to think you can actually stop the Dark Lord by continuing to spy on is followers," Severus gave to consider. "He's much too powerful a wizard-"

"He's a tyrant just like every other tyrant history knows, and just like every other tyrant in the world he's got flaws and weaknesses. And one of his weakness is his attraction to power." Raven stood and went to the fridge to pour herself a glass of her favourite, infernal Muggle drink, drowning it in one gulp to underline her addiction to that brown, saccharine liquid.

"Nevertheless, it's a very Gryffindor idea-".

"No, I beg to differ!" She cut him off as she helped herself to another dose of Coke. "It was never the bravado of a Gryffindor that finally brought down a tyrant, even if every rebellion does for sure know its courageous freedom fighters. But when all's said and done, when you count the survivors in the end, you will find a lot of clever and cunning strategists among them. Slytherins."

Severus realized that she probably had a point. After all, out of the two of them she was the history geek while he... he was a fool to believe that the random conglomeration of deathly potion ingredients he was gathering in his head would be sufficient enough to please the Dark Lord, when _**he**_ had asked for something _**special**__- _meaning a potion that not just any of his followers could brew. Most of them would come up with something obvious, but the obvious was perhaps a tad too easy. And so Severus came up with the conclusion that his potion had to be more subtle, something completely innovative- a challenge.

Needless to say, he loved a good challenge when it came to potions. Actually, he would need all of his Slytherin cunning to accomplish what he had in mind and to not disappoint Raven's faith in him, but he was smirking ever so slightly now because he all of a sudden came up with a very bizarre idea.

-o-

Raven didn't get to see much of Severus for the next two weeks; he had locked himself up in his room, working hard on the poisonous potion Lord V had required him to brew. She decided to not bother him unless he asked for her help. Needless to say, that never happened.

Of course, he accepted the food she provided him with, reminding him that he had to eat at least occasionally, but otherwise there wasn't much interaction between the two of them.

She still didn't know the details of what precisely the Dark Lord wanted to achieve with the poison Severus was creating for him and her friend maintained silence about it, which bugged her somehow. But she knew better than to pester him.

It surprised her, though, when she saw him walking into the kitchen and opening the fridge in order to pour himself a glass of Coke. In mock alarm she arched a brow at him.

"You alright? I didn't know you suddenly developed a liking for that _infernal Muggle beverage_."

Scowling at her he replied, "It's only for research," which bewildered her even more.

"You're not trying to figure out the recipe of Coke, are you? 'Cause, you know, it's one of the best kept secrets in the Muggle world."

Severus flashed her a wry smirk and mumbled something barely audible that almost sounded like '_but not for a potioneer_' to her. Then he was gone again, closing the door to his room.

-o-

The Dark Lord had been just as explicit as he'd been vague about the desired effects of the potion Severus was to create for him. First of all, it had to be fatal. Secondly, death shouldn't come too soon, meaning the victim was to suffer a slow, torturous death. Thirdly, the poison was supposed to affect body and soul. And finally, it should be nigh impossible to brew an antidote to that potion.

Since Severus was a bright young wizard and a potions geek, he already had an idea how he could please the Dark Lord and still keep an ace up his sleeves. He would create something really sinister to which there was no cure for in the wizarding world- but he would have to rely on his Occlumency skills, hoping they were strong enough to fool the Dark Lord. Because he could no longer in good conscience support _**him**_, thanks to Raven constantly reminding him of what tyrants like Voldemort were capable of.

Of course, it was dangerous. And the Dark Lord's power was still so very tempting that sometimes he felt torn, wondering if he was doing the right thing. On the other hand, he couldn't back out anyway; he was already in too deep and there was no way for him to turn back the clock in order to make undone his dreadful acquaintanceship with the Dark Lord.


	35. Fairytale gone bad

_Thanks for reading and reviewing._

_special thanks to Alabaster Princess for doing the beta job_

35- Fairytale gone bad

When Raven was working at the _Red Lantern_ she tried to eavesdrop even more on Death Eater patrons, hoping to find out what Voldemort was up to. Alas, they were only talking about recent attacks without ever mentioning a venomous potion they might be using in the future.

One evening, she almost let go of the pole in shock because she recognised a familiar face among tonight's crowd of Death Eaters- young Regulus Black. Fortunately, no one noticed her consternation and she was once again glad for the Venetian mask she was wearing.

What was Blackie doing in a place like the _Red Lantern_? Wasn't he much too young for that sort of amusement? But then Raven recalled that he was of age now and besides, it wasn't really his presence that bothered her but his company. On the other hand, Lucius Malfoy was the husband of his cousin Narcissa and Rodolphus Lestrange was married to his other cousin, Bellatrix. So it was almost like a family meeting.

Heaving a sigh, Raven continued to dance. She had so hoped for the boy to not follow the path of pure-blood supremacists, clinging to every word of intolerance and prejudice the Dark Lord spoke. At the graduation party, she had had her hopes up high, believing he had come to his senses due to his relationship with Mellisandre McMillan. Apparently she'd been wrong about that and he was just as bigoted in his beliefs as Malfoy was.

_What a pity_, Raven thought because she actually liked the boy. Although he was a Black, he was so much kinder and not that much of a nuisance as his older brother was.

Then the music ended (it was intolerable anyway- she really had to talk to Henri about his poor taste in music and perhaps persuade him to buy some records of decent Muggle bands.) Lettie took over the pole from her. The sight of the sweet blonde witch made the patrons cheer in anticipation, but Raven didn't mind her colleague's popularity, knowing that Lettie was hoping for Rabastan Lestrange to notice her (her not-cousin was the only one in the group of Death Eaters who wasn't married yet and Lettie was so keen on marrying a Death Eater... for whatever reason.)

She left the stage and went to collect her tips. Usually, the Death Eaters were quite generous when it came to that, and Raven didn't get disappointed that night either. But when Regulus casually stuffed a fifty-Lantern-dollar-note in her bra, she couldn't help arching a brow at him. For the fraction of a second their eyes met and she knew immediately that he had recognised her although she was wearing a Venetian mask. He didn't say anything, though.

Raven decided that now was a good time for a cigarette break. She quickly changed into a set of casual black robes and left the _Lantern_ through its back door, walking the short distance to the Muggle world where her beloved motorbike was parked.

The sight of black leather and chrome glittering in the neon light of street lamps had a calming effect on her. Leaning against her bike she lit a fag and inhaled almost greedily.

'_Fuck_', she thought, considering the consequences of Regulus Black having recognised her, '_if Blackie reveals my identity to Lucius, I'm so done for_.' Her Mata Hari career would be over before it had actually begun , all because of little Blackie...

But when she thought all was lost, the boy had the nerve to approach her. He must have followed her outside.

"Well met, Raven Lestrange. What are you doing here?"

Raven cocked a sophisticated brow at him and replied casually, "I'm smoking a cigarette."

The boy rolled his eyes. "Yes, I understand that much. But I mean... in the _Lantern_."

"If you don't understand what I'm doing there you are probably still too young to visit such a place."

"Well, I sure liked your... performance."

"Ta."

"Does Snape know what you're doing?"

"Does dear Miss McMillan know where you are tonight?"

"Oh, that's long over." Regulus shrugged indifferently, but there seemed to be a hint of sadness in his voice.

"What happened?"

"It just didn't work between us."

"Perhaps you should reconsider the company you're hanging around with?"

"I-" He wanted to snap at her and tell her to mind her own business, but all of a sudden Regulus flinched at the sound of an accelerating car's screeching tyres. He glanced around, taking in his surroundings, and only then he realized that they were no longer in a world he was familiar with.

Instead, they were in the dark and shabby backyard of a dilapidated house; its windows were boarded up. Some light was falling in through a gateway, reflecting in the puddles on the ground. It was a cold light and it was blinking, forming letters.

"Where are we?"

"Um... in London."

"Muggle London," he drawled, so typically the aristocratic pure-blood supremacist. On the other hand, his eyes were wide with curiosity. Raven could tell he would have loved to walk through the gateway in order to take a closer look at the horrible, exciting, forbidden world. "I never knew it was so close to Knockturn Alley."

"I only found this entrance about a week ago; it's not very well known. But I was so tired of parking near the Leaky Cauldron and walk all the way through Diagon Alley to the Lantern..."

"Parking?" Regulus nodded in apparent understanding as he stared at that metallic and definitely Muggle _thing _she was sitting on. "Is that a cycle-motor?"

"A motorcycle,"she corrected him.

He nodded again. "Sirius owns one, too. He magically modified it, so it can fly. Does yours fly as well?"

"Nope, it's just perfect the way it is." Why was it that wizards always had to mess with Muggle technique, magically modifying it? If they were so keen on flying, why not improve the comfort of broomsticks or invent the magical equivalent of an aeroplane? But what surprised her most about his statement was the fact that Regulus still seemed to be in contact with his brother, although Sirius had been blasted off the family tree for opposing to their beliefs. "So you're still meeting your brother?"

Regulus sneered half-heartedly. "We're trying to avoid each other as much as possible but it does happen occasionally that we sort of run into each other nevertheless, and then he usually gives me a lengthy sermon.".

"Aw, I guess that sucks."

"You have no idea."

And yet, Raven couldn't help thinking, Regulus seemed to miss his older brother. There was a certain longing in his voice when he spoke of the mutt, and perhaps the Black brothers had gotten on quite well when they were kids.

But she couldn't linger any longer, wondering about the relationship of the Black brothers. As far as she knew Henri, he would already be waiting for her, hating her cigarette breaks since she wasn't making him rich when she was outside, smoking.

"I have to get back inside." Raven tapped her wand against the brick wall at their back and immediately it slid open to reveal an entrance. Regulus accompanied her on the short walk back to the Red Lantern, where Henri was indeed waiting for her.

"Where've ye been?" The goblin-like man snarled at her. "Ye're supposed to be at work."

"I am. All the time." She replied casually as she brushed past him, Regulus following in her wake

"Ah?" Henri glanced at the handsome young boy at her side and smirked ambiguously. "I see..."

"He thinks you're a whore!" Regulus whispered indignantly when they were out of Le Grand's earshot.

"Let him believe whatever he likes. I simply don't care." All of a sudden, Raven stopped. They were now in a narrow corridor that led from the wardrobe of the girls to bar. She grabbed the boy's arm and leaned forward so closely that Regulus almost thought she would kiss him. Instead, she pointed her wand at his temple and hissed, "But if you tell any of your _prodigious_ family that you haven't been outside to shag a whore, I'll kill you."

His eyes widened in silent understanding, even though he couldn't have been more wrong about her motivation; Raven didn't fear recognition because she was ashamed of working at the _Red Lantern_.

"I won't tell anyone," Regulus promised solemnly and he fancied thinking he was helping a damsel in distress- albeit he knew very well that Raven Lestrange of all people didn't fit into that category of witches.

"Good boy." She patted his cheek and whispered in his ear, "I know you're a smart boy, Blackie-"

"Don't call me Blackie."

Teasing him felt like she was back at school, when life had been a tad easier but not very much so.

"Alright, Regulus. But please do reconsider your future plans."

He arched a brow at her. "I beg your pardon?"

"I know, one can only chose his friends but not his family, and that family seems to matter a great deal in those circles of yours- nevertheless I'm asking you to use your brains and understand that things aren't always what they seem to be at first glance. It never hurts to take a second glance and not take for granted what others tell you. Make up your own mind, Regulus."

Before he could possibly fathom what Lestrange was talking about, she was already back on stage, presenting her scantily clad self to the cheering audience.

-o-

Some days later, another surprise was waiting for Raven when she arrived at work. She took a glance at tonight's patrons and decided to tell Henri that this was a wonderful night to take a day off.

"Are you nuts?" Le Grand huffed at her. "You'll stay and do your bloody job. We always wanted folks to celebrate their stag party at the _Lantern_, so this is a wonderful opportunity to establish the _Red Lantern_ as _the_ leading place for amusement."

Raven heaved a sigh of frustration. "But why does it have to be that bloody stag?"

The _Red Lantern_ wasn't just a place for Death Eaters and other shady guys; it was also frequented by all kind of wizards looking for some entertainment. Even Aurors came here to relax after a hard day at work and there had never been any trouble between the various groups of patrons. Therefore, Raven shouldn't be that surprised to see the group of Gryffindors occupying one of the best tables, sharing several bottles of Henri's best champagne.

Henri shot her a quizzical glance before giving her a sermon. "Mr Potter's gonna spend a whole lotta money tonight, and we will give him our special treatment that he never forgets his stag party. Do I make myself clear?"

She nodded kind of mulishly and added, "But you can't expect me to especially be nice to that bloody arrogant toerag."

"I see you are familiar with our dear guest. Well, be a good girl and forget your animosities for tonight." Henri sounded unusually strict, but Raven just wasn't a good girl. Good girls weren't wasting away their nights in places like the _Red Lantern_; they spent their nights at home, waiting for their boyfriends or husbands to come home. She briefly wandered what St Lily would say to where her future husband was spending the night before their wedding... Raven doubted she'd be amused. Most likely, she'd be scandalized, and that made her smirk maliciously.

No, she wouldn't be playing the good girl tonight. That was Lettie's or Wilda's established part anyway; Raven was always the more naughty kind of _exotic dancer_ though never as sexually provoking as Randy, who was often giving her favourite patrons a... _bonus_ performance in the alley.

Tonight was the perfect time for her new black leather outfit, Raven decided. Tonight, she was going to play dominatrix, equipped with a whip to keep misbehaving Gryffindorks in line.

-o-

Everybody seemed to love her show. The patrons were cheering and Henri Le Grand was very pleased with her even though Raven had actually whipped Potter across the face when he wanted to stuff his generous tip into her cleavage; instead, she had made him drool over her overknee boots while stuffing his _Lantern Dollars_ down her bootleg.

She almost laughed out loud at the idea of how his face would fall should she suddenly reveal her identity. But she was wearing a black leather mask with silver studs, so there was no way for him to know that she was the Fat Crow he had so loved to torment at school. In the end, all guys were the same when confronted with a good amount of female allures. Even the werewolf was enjoying the show, which was kind of scary but not quite as scary as glancing at Pettigrew, who couldn't seem to keep his hands off his private parts. Merlin, that guy was so disgusting!

-o-

'JAMES POTTER WEDS LILY EVANS'

The _Daily Prophet_ had it spread all over its front page as if there were no more important news to write about.

_'Dashing James Potter, sole heir of the Potters fortune, married the love of his life, charming Miss Lily Evans, in a very private ceremony yesterday afternoon...'_

Well, if the ceremony was really that private, why did it make it to the headline? Raven wondered as she read on. The article about the wedding was just as horribly sappy as that about their engagement, and it didn't surprise her at all to find out that it was by the same author, Rita Skeeter. This time, however, the 'very promising new journalist'- her words, not Raven's (she mightily doubted that that term was really adequate for the composer of such a crap)- had made it to the front page with her abysmal writing.

_'...Yours Truly was delighted to receive a last minute invitation to the most exciting social event of the year, due to her recommendation of being a very promising new journalist...'_

Merlin, that much self-adulation shouldn't be allowed. It couldn't get any worse, Raven thought, only to realize- after she had finished reading Skeeter's article- that she had been wrong. That piece of journalism was so dripping with saccharine, blatant trivialities, it almost made her teeth ache.

As she drank a mug of sugar-free black coffee, she started pondering how she could possible hide today's edition of the _Daily Prophet_ from Severus, knowing that it would hurt him tremendously to be faced with the inevitable. _His_ Lily was now married to his worst bully, Potter.

There were even pictures showing her and her newly wed husband, smiling and waving. Kissing.

"Good morning," Severus drawled as he entered the kitchen where Raven was still sitting, staring at pictures of Lily clad in a nightmare or white frills and ruffles- just the perfect dress for a girl who wanted to be a princess.

Almost instinctively, Raven balled up the _Daily Prophet_ in her hands but that only caught Severus attention even more. He arched a brow at her and she tossed the paper to him; it _had_ been a really poor attempt at hiding something from him. And to what purpose anyway? He knew they were engaged, he knew there had been a stag party at the Red Lantern. The only thing he hadn't known was the actual date of the wedding. Now it was time for him to get used to the fact that that his dear St Lily was Mrs James Potter..

Raven saw him swallowing hard as he tried to digest the news without showing emotions. Then he poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down, still staring at the picture of Lily looking so happy at Potter's side.

"Isn't that dress just horrible?" She asked in an attempt to break the silence. "All these frills and ruffles and the freaking mass of useless fabric that's trailing behind her..."

Severus glared at Raven, but he had to admit that she was right. In all of his dreams of marrying Lily, she had worn a plain white dress and her hair had fallen over her shoulders, sparkling red in the sunlight. His stupid, stupid dreams.

"I don't want to talk about it," he grumbled, adding in a lower tone, "Now Potter has his trophy wife."

"Well, I guess that Lily cannot complain either. After all, she has managed to snag one of the wealthiest bachelors-"

"Lily's not like that!" Severus cut in.

"Ah, but you still believe you have to make it to fortune and fame in order to be worthy of her affection?"

"I-" It didn't happen often that he was at a loss at words, but right here and now Severus didn't know what to say. He wanted to yell at Raven, to tell her that she was wrong. And yet, her words didn't lack a certain logic. He still didn't believe that Lily had married Potter only because he was the sole heir of quite a fortune, but that would mean she loved him... because of his character traits? That was just as unlikely. Lily couldn't have forgotten the way Potter had hassled him at school. On the other hand, Lily had long stopped caring about him..."

"Sev, why don't you go and find yourself a witch who loves you the way you are and not because of the amount of Galleons in your Gringotts vault," Raven said softly.

"Why didn't you take pictures at that stag party of Potter, to show Lily what kind of guy she was about to marry? Perhaps she would have reconsidered their relationship." Severus replied in a sharper tone than he had intended, trying to clutch at a straw so that he wouldn't have to face his shattered dreams, his fairytale gone bad.

"If we took pictures to discredit our patrons, we'd soon be ruined. Discretion is an important thing in our business, I told you that before." They had had the very same discussion the morning after the stag party, when Raven had told him about the event. Basically, that had also been a breach of discretion- but it was one thing to tell your best friend about what you have seen or heard at work whereas it was a completely different matter if you made those things public. And spying on Death Eaters was just another completely different matter. "Besides, there's nothing wrong about going to a table dance bar at your stag party. Actually, the reason for stag parties is to celebrate the groom's last night of freedom before he enters marriage, and enjoying the sight of scantily clad girl is not a crime as long as the husband-to-be keeps his hands to himself."

Severus harrumphed; he still didn't like Raven's job much and the thought of the Marauders of all people watching her dancing half-naked, cheering and leering, made him feel sick. But he didn't want to argue with her now. He knew her point of view and he accepted it with a heavy heart.

"I have to go to work."

He stood and went to the fireplace. A moment later he was gone, leaving Raven still sitting at the kitchen table.

She heaved a sigh as she _Summoned_ today's issue of the _Daily Prophet_ he had so carelessly dropped. Glancing once again at Lily's hilarious I'm-a-little-princess dress, she set the paper ablaze and used the remains to light herself a cigarette.

-o-

In the days that followed Lily's wedding to James Potter, Severus locked himself up in his room for most of the time, working hard on the potion- _poison_- the Dark Lord had ordered him to brew. It helped him to get over his heartache. And he was making quite a good progress, testing his creation on some rats he had bought in Knockturn Alley.

Sometimes, he had to turn on his cassette deck and listen to some really loud punk rock music so that Raven wouldn't hear the tortured shrieks of the rats. Of course, he could have used a silencing spell just as well. But the music had a soothing effect on him and he needed that to stay sane while his mind was occupied with creating... death.

The Dark Lord would be pleased with him.

And hopefully, he'd leave him alone after that. But probably, Severus feared, that was just wishful thinking. He was already in too deep and there seemed to be no way of getting out of it- except, perhaps, he supported Raven in her little spying game. Of course, it was an idealistic idea and a mightily dangerous one, too. But he couldn't think of any better way to defy the Dark Lord.

-o-

When it was time to deliver his deathly creation, Severus met Lucius at Borgin and Burkes, the most notorious shop in Knockturn Alley. They were specialized in ancient and unusual magical objects. But Severus didn't have a chance to take a look around because Lucius dragged him to the fireplace almost immediately.

"You don't have the money to afford any of that." Malfoy drawled

Fortunately, Severus was prepared to meet the Dark Lord tonight. This time, he had received an owl from Malfoy telling him when and were to meet, and of course he had informed Raven.

"Why have you bothered to come here?" Severus asked. "I could have Apparated to Malfoy Manor."

"We're not going to Malfoy Manor and unlike you, I can afford to go shopping here whenever I wish."

Severus rolled his eyes at such much arrogance. Was Lucius still envious that the Dark Lord had taken interest in a lowly half-blood? Well, he couldn't have cared less about that dubious interest.

"Lestrange Manor." Lucius said as he tossed a handful of Floo powder into the fireplace.

Severus followed suit and a little later he was standing in a dimly lit hallway. The atmosphere of the manor was rather gloomy, not at all like the house of the other Lestrange family- but that was a thought he'd rather stowed away to the very back of his mind, just like so many else tat didn't belong here. Thoughts of Raven and Lily; thought of good times. All he allowed himself to think of was potions research.

"Stop staring and brush the soot of your robes!" Lucius chided him. "I know you're not used to a decent living style but you could at least try to behave like a civilized person. And don't touch anything."

"Don't worry," Severus said as he brushed clean his robes, "I am here because the Dark Lord asked to see me, not to steal a golden candelabra."

Malfoy narrowed his eyes at the insolent half-blood, wishing he could hex him back to the Muggle dunghill he came from. But he knew better than to displease the Dark Lord.

Lucius led the way down a long corridor which gave a clue about the actual size of the house- _or castle?-_ Severus wondered. The floor was covered with heavy carpets; huge chandeliers were hanging from the ceiling, and although all candles were lit, they didn't seem to radiate much light. The walls were crowded with portraits of ancestors in golden frames.

"Scum..."

"...filthy son of a blood-traitor..."

"...dirtying the time honoured halls of Lestrange mansion..."

These and other things the portraits were muttering as Severus walked by, but he didn't pay them any heed. He ignored Lucius' amused smirk, too.

At the end of the corridor, a door opened to a spiral staircase that was leading to the basement. The air was getting colder and the light was even more dimmed. Severus was glad that Lucius was a couple of steps ahead of him because it was always safer to walk a narrow, steep staircase if no one was breathing down your back.

Finally, they reached the end of the stairs and Lucius opened the double door to a spacious dungeon decorated in Slytherin colours, where the Dark Lord was sitting on a throne-like chair in midst his loyal followers. A witch was kneeling at his feet.

"Ah, Severus," the Dark Lord hissed. With a seemingly bored gesture of his long spidery fingers, he shooed away his inferiors.

The witch rose to her feet, licking her lips as she glanced at the intruders.

She was... beautiful. Probably one of the most beautiful witches Severus had ever seen. Her body was the dream of every wizard and she seemed to be prone to showing her female allures... considering the revealing robes she was wearing. A very low cut bodice presented the swell of her breasts and almost distracted from her other merits. Long, black hair was falling in unruly cascades over her shoulders. Her face was of the same classical elegance that Severus had already seen in others members of the Black family, and although she and Narcissa appeared to be like night and day at first glance, there was no doubt that they were sisters. The beautiful witch must be Bellatrix Lestrange, wife of Rodolphus Lestrange and (if rumours were true) the most loyal of Voldemort's followers.

"Lucius, my dear brother-in-law," Bellatrix spoke in a sing-sang tone, feigning a sweet smile at Malfoy, "You brought a guest tonight. How... charming." She moved closer to Severus- too close, he thought in sudden alarm.

At close proximity, her perfume smelled sickeningly. Her hair looked lacklustre and her female allures... weren't alluring anymore.

"Lucius, you may leave as well; I don't need you tonight." Voldemort proclaimed.

"As you wish, my Lord." Lucius bowed to his master and left the dungeon. At the door he stopped to shoot a sneering glance in Snape's direction, almost pitying him.

Bellatrix very nearly shoved her cleavage into Severus' face as she ran her claw-like fingernails down his chest. "So that is your prodigious potioneer, my Lord?" Like a cat in heat she was rubbing his body against his, and it didn't arouse him at all. Her eyes were so... cold; it chilled him to the bone. They reminded him of steel or of November skies, and there was definitely a hint of madness glittering in them.

She glanced at Severus and chuckled. It reminded him of a cackle, the cackling of a hyena. "He's nothing special at all."

"You don't have to fancy him, Bella, as long as he's useful to me." The Dark Lord cut in with a cold voice that made her shudder albeit not with fear. But Voldemort paid no attention to her. "Step closer, Severus, and tell me you are useful to me."

"I… I'm doing my very best to please you, my Lord, but my efforts are still standing poor in the light of your brilliance." Severus bowed deeply. It was always a clever move to show modesty when you're face to face with a... _tyrant_. Only Gryffindorks would confront a wizard of such immense power with their very own sense of righteousness.

On the other hand, it wasn't wise to bore Lord Voldemort with too much modesty, either.

"I assume you have the potion I ordered you to brew."

"Of course, my Lord. I hope you are pleased with the result."

"Last time we met, I gave you a little demonstration of what I am capable of so you better not disappoint me. Hand over the potion now."

Severus did what he was being told.

Voldemort opened the vial and sniffed at its contents. "It smells inconspicuous, which is always of advantage- you have tested it properly, I reckon?"

"Indeed, my Lord. It is decidedly fatal."

"And there is definitely no antidote available?"

Severus knew he had to answer as honestly as possible now, and he chose his words well. "My Lord, I am not a fully accomplished Potions Master yet, nevertheless I can assure you that the wizarding world knows no antidote to this poison. But I cannot assure you that no wizard will _ever_ come up with an antidote, due to the constant development in potions research."

The Dark Lord seemed to be satisfied with that answer. Voldemort knew that there were no bounds to magic, and once you had cut across the line of limitations set by the Ministry, everything was possible. He didn't want to hear any of the young potioneer's lengthy explanations about his creation since he wasn't interested in his academic research. What he wanted to see were results.

If Severus had ever questioned the Dark Lord's waywardness, he got taught a lesson in ruthlessness now as Lord Voldemort offered the vial with his potion to Bellatrix Lestrange.

"Drink it," he ordered.

Although she still didn't think much of Severus and his abilities, she was hesitant now. There was even a hint of fear in her cold grey eyes. "But my Lord..."

"Haven't you repeatedly sworn not only your allegiance but also your unwavering loyalty to me? Haven't you said you'd die for me?"

Bellatrix flinched ever so slightly. Then she took the vial from Lord Voldemort's cold, spidery fingers and lifted it to her mouth in an attempt to prove her unfaltering loyalty, never questioning his reasons.

"Stop!" He hissed before she could take a sip. "You're too useful a follower to waste. Let's find someone else instead." His blood-red eyes darted over to Severus, who felt like a deer caught in the spotlight of a rapidly approaching car.

He couldn't move. He couldn't even think clearly. It was over. The Dark Lord wouldn't hesitate to use him as a lab rat and test his very own poison on him... there was no chance to get away in time...

Meanwhile, the Dark Lord was enjoying himself immensely, seeing the spark of fear flickering up first in the eyes of Bellatrix and now also in Snape's, and if a potioneer was scared of his very own creation then it must be something quite effective.

"I think it's about time to test the potion on one of our... _guest_. Bella, bring me that stinking Mudblood."

She was almost enthusiastic to obey... as if the prospect of seeing someone suffer was turning her on. While Bella left the dungeon room, the Dark Lord _Summoned_ a stone basin and filled it with the contents of Severus' vial. The potion seemed to multiply itself in the process until it filled the stone basin.

"Amuse me, Severus, and tell me what to expect of your potion."

"Um, among other things, it will cause unquenchable thirst-"

"Thirst?" Voldemort hissed threateningly, apparently not amused.

"A thirst that cannot be stilled with water," Severus hurried to explain, "Along with dehydration comes a severe state of hypoglycaemia that first results in palpitation and a feeling of anxiety-"

Before Severus could go into details, Bellatrix Lestrange returned dragging along a ragged looking, frightened young wizard. The victim wasn't much older than Severus himself and it startled him immensely to realize that his face appeared somehow familiar to him. He didn't know his name but he was certain that they had met in the corridors of Hogwarts once or twice...

He thought he was prepared for what was to come, but it was one thing to hear a rat scream in agony and a totally different one to hear those screams of agony coming from another human being. The Muggleborn whined, begging for water and the Dark Lord gave him more of the potion to drink until the stone basin was almost empty. It seemed to take hours.

Severus knew he could have saved him- at another time, another place. But here, in the Dark Lord's lair, there was nothing he could do. He had to witness the result of something vile _he_ had created and while a part of him was appalled by his own creation, the other one was fascinated. In an academic way.

Was it selfish to watch someone die just to save his own skin, to not risk the Dark Lord's wrath?

_No_, he decided in silent conclusion. He had to stay alive because he was the only one who knew that there _was_ an antidote; he hadn't even lied to Voldemort by telling him that there wasn't any in the wizarding world.

-o-

"Sev!" Raven jumped up and ran to the door the very moment she heard the key turn in the lock. "You alright?"

Severus knew she had waited for him to come home and although he was glad to see her, he almost didn't dare to look her in the eye for he felt dirty and corrupted by the Dark Lord and his tempting power. He really didn't want to talk about his evening.

But he knew as well that he couldn't avoid her and simply go to bed instead- Merlin, he wouldn't be able to fall asleep anyway. Besides, she always worried too much about him, therefore he owed her to not leave her in the dark.

"You alright?" She asked again. "Did he hurt you?"

He shook his head no and risked a glance at her. For a moment he almost revelled in the sight of her because she was so very beautiful... so much more beautiful than Bellatrix Lestrange, actually. Although they both had the same hair colour, there couldn't have been a greater difference between the two witches. Bella was all darkness impersonated with her cold grey eyes whereas Raven's eyes held the promise of warm summer days; she was like a spark in the dark. And even though Severus hadn't seen Raven at work in the Red Lantern, he was certain that- despite her being scantily clad- she wouldn't ever look as cheap as Bellatrix...

"You don't want to talk about it, am I right?"

Raven's voice ended his revery. He wanted to snap 'no!' but that wouldn't have been fair and besides, it wasn't true either. He... well, he still didn't want to talk about tonight's events and yet he longed almost desperately for her company, for the warmth and sanity she radiated.

"Care for a glass of wine instead?"

"That would be agreeable." Severus walked into her room. Yes, he'd like to drink a glass of wine with her and perhaps listen to one of her newest records. The post-punk era had brought to life some promising new Muggle bands, like Joy Division- there wasn't much _joy_ in their music, but that only suited his mood. He wanted to forget the desperate cries of that poor Muggleborn wizard suffering from the effects of a poison he had created.

The colourful bubbles of Raven's lava lamps had always a soothing effect on him- or was it the wine he was drinking? Severus wasn't certain what it was that loosened his tongue in the end and made his talk about tonight's events. Raven didn't do anything to persuade him or press him; she just listened without judging or condemning him. Her sympathy very nearly undid him. He was certain she was regarding him with much more compassion than he deserved. But it felt so damn good to know she accepted him the way he was.

.

.


	36. Prince Charming

_I'd like to thank my wonderful beta Alabaster Princess and to all of you who are following this story, favouring me, putting me on alert, and of course a very special thanks to all of my reviewers. If you sign in to review, I will most certainly reply._

_I don't know if I have to point out explicitely that there will be the mention of blood and abortion in this chapter since this story is rated M anyway. If you feel somehow prissy about these things, just don't read those parts._

_Reviews are always welcome._

36- Prince Charming

Ever since James Potter's stag party, Sirius Black was a regular guest at the Red Lantern- much to Wilda's delight. She thought he was her Prince Charming she'd been waiting for, but although she had finally developed a taste in lingerie, Raven seriously doubted he would sweep her off the stage and marry her. Sirius Black was decidedly not the kind of wizard who longed to get married and stay faithful to only one witch when there were so many other pretty girls out there.

Wilda, however, refused to listen to Raven's well-meant advice and kept on dreaming about a white wedding because she was so in love with Black, who did his best to fuel her romantic desire for him. But the puppy eyes he gave Wilda were pathetic since it was obvious that he only wanted to get laid.

_You just don't go to a place for erotic entertainment if you want to find the love of your life_, Raven thought, _and besides- to hell with love! What a stupid invention!_

Love only made your heart break over and over again; she had her own fair share of that and was sick of it. She didn't want to hear any of Wilda's gushing about how very wonderful her dear Sirius was...

…_she thought he might kiss her, that night in her room. They sat together in companionable silence, listening to some new records she had bought, drinking cheap red wine. Then he told her about his encounter with the Dark Lord, mentioning with a shudder that he had managed to please the tyrant. She could almost see his discomfort; it was like a dark cloud lasting on his soul, eating him up. She just had to hug him and for a moment it seemed like he was melting in her arms. They were so close, so very close..._

And then he had politely said goodnight.

To hell with love! It only leaves you frustrated and yearning.

-o-

At least, there was one good thing about Sirius Black visiting the Red Lantern that often- Raven had now found another way to pass secret information to the Order without having to use Polyjuice Potion. Of course, she never talked to the obnoxious Gryffindor nor introduced herself as Mata Hari of the wizarding world; she simply took advantage of the fact that his motorbike was often parked next to hers in that Muggle backyard. All she had to do was to tie a note to his handlebar and hoping he'd deliver it to Dumbledore.

Sometimes, she could read about her success in the Daily Prophet. Of course, it was always possible that Dumbledore had more spies out there, within the Dark Lord's ranks, than she'd ever imagined, and yet it was a satisfying idea that it might be she who was responsible for a change to the better.

Alas, the Order had to suffer a harsh blow when Fabian and Gideon Prewett were killed by five Death eaters including Antonin Dolohov, who boasted about his deed one night at the Red Lantern, Saying they died like cowards, begging for mercy. Whereas the wizarding media claimed they were among the best witches and wizards of the age and 'died like heroes', like their sister- a certain Molly Weasley- stated in an interview.

Raven glanced at the picture of a teary witch with reddened cheeks that clashed awfully with her reddish hair; she was short and plump and wore a flowered apron.

_What had gone so fucking wrong?_ Raven wondered. Her source of information was as reliable as any Death Eater could be and she had placed her hint well enough for Black to find it; he must have past it on to Dumbledore. So why did the Prewett brothers have to die?

She didn't grasp it until almost a week later when she overheard a conversation between Rosier, Wilkes and two other, older guys she wasn't familiar with. Holding her breath while dancing on, it soon it became apparent to her that spying was by no means a one-way street- it also worked the other way round. Meaning, there was someone within Dumbledore's prodigious Order of the Phoenix passing secret information to Voldemort.

First, she thought it was Black since he was hanging around at a regular basis in a place that was highly frequented by Death Eaters. But then she dismissed that thought soon after it had crossed her mind. No, it couldn't be Black. He was too much a Gryffindork to ever betray Dumbledore, even if he was raised in a Slytherin household. Also, he was much too loyal (like a good dog) to James bloody Potter, his best buddy. They were almost inseparable, like Siamese twins, and Raven had once heard that they had a pair of rare two-way mirrors so that they could still communicate even if they were in different detentions.

Now, that spoke of real devotion

It also meant that the spy must be someone else instead. The werewolf, perhaps?

Nah, that wasn't likely either. Lupin wanted to belong; he wouldn't sell his friends to Voldemort. Probably the spy wasn't anyone she knew and Raven didn't even know half of the members of the Order of the Phoenix.

She decided that a warning was in order and was just about to tie another note to Sirius Black's handlebars, when all of a sudden the guy himself came walking through the gateway that divided Knockturn Alley from the rest of London.

"Oi!" He yelled. "What're you doing there?"

_Shit_, Raven thought. Fortunately, she already had her helmet on, so Sirius was still clueless about her identity.

"Are you the one passing notes to the Order by using me as a bloody owl? Who are you?"

Thanks to Professor Steel and her book list for Auror training, Raven hadn't wasted time but had taken on studying on her own. A basic spell in Stealth and Concealment would come in handy now so she magically altered her voice.

"You don't look like an owl and besides, owls don't ride motorbikes."

"Good one," Sirius chuckled before he demanded. "Who are you?"

Raven mounted her bike; she had to get away from here. This place was much too close to Knockturn Alley and she didn't want to be overheard by any dark wizard _should_ she consider to talk to Black- she still had to make up her mind about that. Therefore, she had to gain time. Time to weigh all the pros and cons.

Black was approaching her. She could tell by the look on his face that he was... intrigued, but he hadn't drawn his wand yet. That was her chance!

"Catch me if you can," she challenged him as she started the engine and rode her motorbike from the backyard out into the streets of London.

Needless to say that Black accepted her challenge and was following her with screeching tyres.

-o-

The best thing about working late at night was that the streets were pleasantly empty in the early hours of the morning and the traffic police was still in a state of slumber. Therefore, it was decidedly the best time to have a little race through London..

Raven headed southwards, down to Trafalgar Square where she circled the roundabout twice before she finally turned right into Cockspur Street, following the A4. She didn't have a concrete destination on her mind but thought it would be wise to leave town in case she might decide to actually talk to Black instead of just hexing him off his bike at the first opportunity.

They passed Hyde Park Corner and, keeping left, raced down Knightsbridge and Brompton Road. Although Black had no problem to keep up with her speed (in fact, he even had the faster motorbike and it was also magically enhanced) he never tried to get ahead of Raven. Instead, he seemed to be enjoying their race. That became obvious when all of a sudden he was next to her, flashing her a grin before he dropped back again.

-o-

Sirius thought he was quite a gentleman to let the lady take the lead, but in fact it was more the sight of her bum clad in black leather that he was enjoying. Of course this wasn't a real race. He could have long ended it and stopped her by one of his brilliant manoeuvres if not for the fun of it. Perhaps he simply liked chasing witches. And he could use a little fun after Wilda had let him down again, playing prudish and hard to get. Why did witches have to be like that?

He remembered James telling him that his beloved Lily hadn't let him go any further than snogging either, at least not until James had proposed to her. But Sirius didn't want to wait until he was married to have sex with the witch he desired. Especially not if said witch was working in the erotic scene, stripping in front of an an audience every night- he had expected her to be more... _obliging_ to his wishes. And most of all, he didn't intend to get married if there were so many more tasty witches out there, spurring his imagination.

That leather-clad motorcyclist ahead of him was decidedly quite a scorcher...

-o-

It felt good to feel the power of a solid V-engine roaring underneath her, and it didn't take long until they reached the outskirts of London. Raven didn't know where she was but then she crossed that bridge and realized where her heart had taken her to, although she failed to fathom _why_.

It touched her to see that there were still fresh flowers, to know that _he_ wasn't forgotten yet, when she stopped her bike at the foot of a sycamore tree, dismounted it, and waited for Sirius to catch up with her.

-o-

In the light of his headlights, Sirius was watching her shapely form. Her backside was still looking formidable, but soon he regretted having focussed on that alone when all of a sudden she turned around to aim her wand at him.

He realized he shouldn't have been that taken in by her female allures- after all, there was a war going on in the wizarding world, and he had followed that witch from a shady place in Knockturn Alley to the outskirts of London... to an even shadier place perhaps,

And yet, he didn't fear to encounter a pretty witch clad in black leather. It was actually more exciting than frightening, even though she was aiming her wand at him. But that only added to the excitement he felt after their race through London and he was decidedly more curious to eventually figure out her identity.

Alas, she made no attempt to take off her bloody helmet.

"Who are you?" He wondered aloud, eyeing her from head to toe without gathering much information from that. She was a witch. And most likely she wasn't a Death Eater because those pure-blood supremacists wouldn't ever choose the disguise of a Muggle motorcyclist just to kill him on a lonely Muggle road. Therefore, he was safe.

"My identity is none of your concern," Raven replied, again with an altered voice.

Although Sirius was certain that the witch wasn't totally unfamiliar to him and that he knew her from somewhere (he knew a lot of witches) he didn't recognise the voice.

"Ah, don't be so modest, darling, tell me your name."

"My name doesn't matter."

"Why don't you at least take off that helmet. I'm sure you're pretty enough to not hide behind it."

Raven ignored his poor flattery. "Shut up and prick up your ears now 'cause I'll tell you only once and won't repeat myself-"

"You are a bit... _touchy_, aren't you?"

"-I'm not the only spy in this game," Raven continued unfazed. "There is someone among the members of your prodigious Order of the Phoenix who is passing information to the Dark Lord. I don't know who it is so you'd better be on the look-out. Don't trust anyone but Dumbledore. Don't even tell your friends. Remember how high the stakes are in this war."

Sirius seemed to ponder her words; for the first time since she knew him he wore a serious expression on his face. "Why should I trust you?"

"I assume you told Dumbledore to not send the Prewett brothers to that mission in York because that was supposed to be just a set-up. A larger group of Order members went there and nothing happened at all, no Death Eater showed up. Then there was an alleged emergency in Wolverhampton and the Prewetts Apparated headlong into an ambush by the very same group of Death Eaters which had been planning to kill them in York, and this time they succeeded. If you believe that to be a coincidence, forget about my warning and just carry on. But if you think I'm right, you better keep a sharp eye on _every_ member of the Order since one of them is passing information to the Dark Lord. "

Brooding, Sirius took in his surroundings and realized that this place was not quite as shady as it had appeared first; he now noticed the flowers that someone had placed at the foot of a tree. Was it a memorial? He came to the conclusion that the motorcycle-witch must have led him to a place she considered- well, if not _sacred _then at least neutral grounds.

Sirius glanced at her again, once more startled slightly by the thought that she did look vaguely familiar to him even though he couldn't quite able to put his finger on where he might have seen her before. Was she a dancer at the Red Lantern? Her shapely body did approve to his theory, but he wanted to find out more about her and most of all her name.

"Alright. Well... so, assumed I believe you, what do you want me to tell Dumbledore? There's a spy in our ranks and greeting from- what was your name again?"

Oh, he was clever; she had to give him that. But he wasn't clever enough to catch her off-guard.

"I told you all you need to know. My name doesn't matter. Now please do me a favour and piss off, before I have to hex you."

It took her by surprise that he actually mounted his bike and kick-started its engine without asking any more questions that she wouldn't answer anyway.

Raven watched him ride away, back the road they had came from, and only a little later she was alone in the darkness and silence of the night. She got down on her knees and Summoned a couple of sunflowers from a nearby field to place them at the foot of the sycamore tree.

-o-

The _Red Lantern_ was buzzing more than ever when the summer holidays began and curious Hogwarts students came to visit. In the first days of that rush, Henri was busy checking if they were of age, but soon he became lenient- provided, of course, they had enough Galleons to spend.

Money had never been Regulus' problem; the Blacks were one of the wealthiest families in the wizarding world and so he became a regular patron of the _Red Lantern. _He liked to meet his friends there. Alas, it was inevitable that he also ran into his brother since Sirius was still wooing Wilda.

The Black brothers hardly ever glanced at each other and even less would they exchange a word in public. They tried to ignore each other as much as possible since Sirius was actively fighting the beliefs of his parents while Regulus tried to please them and was still eager to make his way within Lord Voldemort's fraternity of pure-blood supremacists.

When they met, they quarrelled. Never in front of others but always in the bathroom, and that was unfortunately next to Raven's wardrobe, so she often heard them. Or, to be more precise, she heard Sirius harassing his little brother with Gryffindor morality... which was quite absurd. He really seemed to be thinking that he was the height of decency and integrity only because a ragged old hat had Sorted him into Gryffindor house, when in fact he was just a mean bully with a nice bum. And when he ran out of sensible arguments, he simply raised his voice.

Usually, Regulus was the more sophisticated of them. At least he never yelled. When he had enough of his brother's rants, he just walked away, knowing that Sirius wouldn't dare to continue their argument in the company of others.

Nevertheless, it appeared to Raven that the brothers must have loved each other a lot once, and probably they still did. Both of them didn't seem happy about their fights but none of them would ever admit that.

Wilda was always there to comfort Sirius after an encounter with Regulus; she was a very compassionate person. She called him her Prince Charming and wouldn't listen to anyone criticising him. Instead, she was still dreaming of a white wedding.

"That's an idiotic thing to believe in," Randy said in an attempt to shatter the naïve girl's hopes. "We're here to turn them on but we're just whores to them and none of the fine guys wants to marry a whore."

"You're a whore, Randy, but I am not." Wilda snapped. "Sirius says he loves me and he will marry me."

"Awww, isn't that sweet?" Lettie gushed. She was just as romantic as Wilda only that she was waiting for her Death Eater prince- the blood on his hands didn't seem to matter as long as the blood in his veins was pure and he was rich.

Raven thought that Lettie's chances were more realistic than Wilda's since she very much doubted that Sirius Black would marry only to get laid.

-o-

When Wilda didn't show up for work some weeks later, nobody thought much about it. Henri was mad at her but the girls were just cracking jokes, jesting that Wilda had to prepare her wedding and was too busy to go to work.

Three more nights passed and still there was no sight or note from Wilda. Henri decided to send her an owl saying that she was sacked but the owl returned with the message undelivered. Now Henri was fuming while Raven started to worry about Wilda. It wasn't in her character to not appear at work without asking for a day off; she was actually quite a reliable person.

"Perhaps she secretly married Sirius and is on honeymoon now," Lettie suggested with a loud sigh since Black hadn't been seen at the _Red Lantern _either.

"Never," Raven replied. "Black wouldn't marry just to have sex, no matter how keen he is on virgins."

"Oh, but Wilda's not a virgin anymore." Randy interjected casually

Raven stared at her. "You mean she...?"

"Yep. Didn't you notice? Of course, she didn't tell me but I just know that he already deflowered her couple of weeks ago."

"Were you watching?" Lettie asked breathlessly.

"No, silly. I simply noticed the change."

Now that Randy mentioned it, Raven grasped what she was hinting at and indeed, Wilda had been... _different_ lately. It was in the way she moved- as if she was more aware of her own sexuality, and she had also been more confident. It even made sense that she believed Black would marry her. But he wouldn't. He had achieved what he wanted and now it was only a matter of time until he got tired of her-

"Damn! Girls, I guess Black ditched her and poor Wilda is crying her eyes out now."

"Oh no!" Lettie cried out; she positively looked as if she had been ditched, too, and her own little fairytale world was shattered to pieces. "But he wanted to marry her."

"No," Raven corrected, "she wanted him to marry her."

"Never trust the promises of a bloke 'cause they only want to get into your knickers," Randy said dryly.

"We have to pay Wilda a visit. After all, we're her friends."

Raven and Randy were staring at Lettie as if she had just grown a second head. _Friends_? They were working together but that was all. Nevertheless, it couldn't hurt to check on Wilda, so the girls agreed on visiting her the next day before they had to be at the _Red Lantern_.

-o-

Wilda was living in a shabby looking house at the far end of Diagon Alley; she had moved in when she started working at the Red Lantern. She didn't want her parents to know what she was doing for a living since she stemmed from a pure-blooded but unfortunately impoverished (due to the gambling habits of her late grandfather) family.

That was all Raven knew about Wilda although they were working together for almost a year now. After all, they were just colleagues and most certainly not friends.

She was climbing up the steep staircase leading to Wilda's flat on the top floor, followed by Lettie and Randy. No one was speaking, all that was to be heard was the creaking of the wooden stairs. Suddenly, Raven felt a strange sort of foreboding.

It was too silent. And there was a rather... _foul_ smell in the air; one that couldn't be blamed on the age of the house or its sorry state. It wasn't the scent of dust or of rotting wood- that was to be expected in an old house- but it was the scent of death.

Raven didn't even bother to knock at the door; she knew already that Wilda wouldn't answer it. Instead, she drew her wand and used an _Alohomora_ spell to get in.

"You can't just walk in!" Lettie chided her before she let out a shrill shriek.

Although Raven had half-expected it, she nevertheless wasn't prepared for the sight that greeted her. Wilda was lying motionless in the middle of the sparsely furnished room, in a puddle of dried blood.

She gestured Lettie and Randy to stay behind. "Don't touch anything."

Lettie turned around and vomited on the stairs. Raven was feeling slightly nauseous too but that was mingled with excitement. She was at a possible crime scene and here was her chance to made good use of the things she had learned from her books on Auror training.

"Is she dead?" Randy asked. At least she managed to keep her cool.

Raven approached Wilda's body to check if she was really dead even though the amount of blood she had lost was proof enough for the obvious. It cost her quite an effort to actually touch the dead body but when she did so she noticed that Wilda's skin was cold, and apparently rigor mortis had already dissipated.

"I guess she died at least two or tree days ago."

"How do you know?"

"Watching Quincy and reading books on Auror training."

"What's a Quincy?"

Raven wasn't in the mood to explain Randy what a television series was, and Randy didn't try to dig deeper. It didn't matter anyway.

"Do you think Black killed her?"

Raven shook her head no. She would not put murder past Black since he had already proven what he was capable of in fifth year, when he had tried to kill Severus with the help of a werewolf and Dumbledore had decided that the attempted murder was just a prank gone wrong. But this was a different case. There were no visible marks of violence on Wilda's body; nobody had butchered her. All the blood she was lying in seemed to have its origin somewhere between her legs.

Raven lifted up Wilda's robes to see if her guess was right.

"We have to call the Aurors or hit wizards or... whoever." Lettie moaned from the stairway.

For a moment Raven thought she would have to join Lettie in the stairway, puking her guts out in loyal colleagueship because the sight was not pretty. She tried hard to keep control as she aimed her wand at the solid lumps of blood sticking on the floor, muttering a _Homenum Mortuus Revelio_ spell. A tiny green spark confirmed her suspicion. Still, she didn't want to jump to a conclusion. Until she spotted a small vial that must have escaped Wilda's dead hands. Carefully she picked it up and sniffed at it; alas, the smell was unfamiliar to her.

"What's that?" Randy, who had been watching her with interest, asked.

"Dunno." Raven shrugged and handed the vial to Randy for her to take a sniff at it. "Any idea?"

Randy wrinkled her nose. "Yep. It's an illegal Abortion Potion."

Raven had already guessed so. She now had a vague idea of what had possible happened here. Wilda had found out she was pregnant but when she told the _wonderful_ news to Sirius, he was not overwhelmed with joy and did not propose to her. Instead, he broke up with her... because he didn't want to be bound, didn't want to take the responsibility for his doings (something he had never learned, given that there was always Dumbledore to fucking overindulge him) and poor Wilda had seen no other way out of her dilemma but to purchase an illegal potion and down it...

She glanced at Randy who seemed to have been speaking of her own experience when she identified the potion.

The former whore just shrugged. "We all used it when we forgot to perform the contraception charm. No punter wants to shag a pregnant whore, and that stuff' isn't lethal if you follow the instructions ."

"Do you think she accidentally took an overdose?"

Meanwhile, Lettie started sobbing as if her heart was breaking due to Wilda's death.

"Knowing silly Wilda, she might have thought that drinking all of it would solve her little problem more thoroughly." Randy replied with a shrug, and that was also the conclusion the Magical Law Enforcement wizards came up with when they showed up a little later. They barely glanced at Wilda while already filling out her death certificate that stated 'accidental overdose of Abortion Potion' as cause of death.

It was only half the truth, through. If they had looked around more closely, they would have found the letters. One was from Sirius, saying he was ending his relationship with Wilda because he was 'not ready to get married yet'. The other one was from Wilda but she hadn't posted it; it was addressed to Sirius Black. She accused him of having lied to her because he had made her believe he would marry her and only because of that she had given herself to him, and she couldn't live with the shame any longer; she couldn't live without Sirius.

Raven rolled her eyes at that. She had almost thought that she was a fool when it came to love, so it was a relief to see that others were much worse. Still, it was idiotic to try and force a wizard into marriage by not using contraceptive spells and getting pregnant; it was even more idiotic to commit suicide because of that. On the other hand, Wilda was a silly girl for hoping to find the love of her life in a place for erotic entertainment. And yet, it wasn't all Wilda's fault alone. Black was to blame because he had given her puppy eyes just to get her into his bed.

_What would Rita Skeeter make of this story?_ Raven wondered as she clandestinely slipped the letters into the pocket of her jeans. Yes, she knew she was abstracting evidence from a crime scene. But if the Aurors had been more thorough, they could have found them. Instead, they had appeared rather bored upon realizing that they were not dealing with some sinister magic, that there was no Dark Mark hovering in the sky above the house.

Their bad. Raven wouldn't run to them since they didn't want her anyway, and she was quite content to have some sort of... _leverage_ against Sirius Black. It might come in handy one day.

-o-

Henri was such a greedy git. All he seemed to care about was the jingling of coins in his cash register. After hearing of Wilda's death he had cursed and complained that now he would have to find another dancer, and then he wanted to go back to business as usual. His remaining dancers, however had protested. Lettie was close to a nervous breakdown and Raven just glared at him until he gave in. So in respect for Wilda he decided to offer no entertainment that night- meaning the _Red Lantern_ was open and serving drinks but the dancers were not available.

On the other hand, he did have his moment of generosity. Knowing that Wilda's parents were impoverished, he arranged a nice funeral for their daughter and bore the expenses. Not without making the sad event an advertising campaign for the _Red Lantern_, of course. Rita Skeeter was invited to take pictures of a coffin that carried the _Lantern's_ logo, and she wrote a sappy story about a young girl whose life had ended much too soon due to a tragic accident.

No one but Raven noticed the big black stray dog that seemed to be watching the funeral from the distance. She would have loved to catch him and take him to a Muggle vet in order to neuter him, just like Severus had suggested when Raven had told him how Wilda had died. Alas, the beast had disappeared faster than she could recall the curse that forced an Animagus to keep his animal form.

-o-

Black actually possessed the nerve to show up at the _Red Lantern _a few days later, lounging as casually in his plushy arm-chair as if nothing had ever happened, as if Wilda hadn't died because of him. And Henri was back to his greedy self, smiling at the bastard while taking his order for a bottle of champagne and three glasses, because tonight Black was in company of the werewolf and the creep.

Raven thought about quitting her job. She didn't want to become wanking material for neither Lupin nor Pettigrew's sick fantasies since she doubted that either of them got laid recently. Or ever at all..

Then the door opened again and Regulus Black walked in, accompanied by his Death Eater friends Wilkes, Rosier and Avery. They glared at the three Gryffindors and chose a table as far away from them as possible. There was so much hostility lingering in the air between them that it almost seemed to manifest itself and become solid, like a big dark cloud of trouble. Although there had never been any fights between Death Eaters and Order members before, this night might bring a change and mark a new area.

Fortunately, that never happened. Instead of quarrelling, the adversary parties were watching in fascination the rise of a new star when Samantha took on dancing. She was the replacement for Wilda, and although she lacked her sweetness, she was decidedly quite a looker with her dark skin, endless legs and huge boobs. Soon, Wilda was forgotten and Henri was happy because hiring Sammy proved to have been sort of a lucky pull.

Nevertheless, no night would ever go without the Black brothers quarrelling when they met at the _Red Lantern_, and once again this took place in the gents bathroom.

Raven was just enjoying a break in her wardrobe when she heard Sirius getting loud again. Later, she couldn't recall what it was exactly that he said to drive her up the wall (most likely he was complaining about Regulus' friends and their morality) but she was positively fuming. The nerve he possessed! She drew her wand and entered the bathroom.

Regulus' eyes grew wide as she came rushing in and grabbed Sirius by the collar of his robes, her wand directed at his head. Unlike Regulus, he hadn't seen her coming since he had been standing with his back to the door.

"You will leave now," she hissed into his ear as she dragged him out of the bathroom down the corridor leading to the back door. Regulus wanted to follow, but she shot him a sharp glance. "That's not your business any longer, Blackie. Go back into the bar and have fun with your friends."

Then she shoved Sirius out of the back door. Until that moment he had been too perplex to protest or struggle against her manhandling him, but now he whirled around with his wand in his hand.

"Expelliarmus!"

Perhaps there had been no need to use the disarming charm because his wand would have clattered to the ground anyway due to his obvious surprise.

"You?"

"A very astute observation." There was a slightly mocking tone in her voice but her eyes were cold as ice as she regarded him with undisguised disgust.

"You were also the hot chick on the motorbike." Sirius concluded, and the spark of lust flickering up in his eyes sickened Raven even more. "You're the-"

"Shut. Your. Bloody. Gob! You will not tell anyone. Not verbally, not mentally, not in written form or via those two-way mirrors of yours. Do I make myself clear?"

He nodded, still being kind of gobsmacked, but one could see that her was already thinking about a way of spreading the news to Potter and Dumbledore.

"Don't even think about it," Raven warned him. She was quite good at figuring him out since Sirius Black was simply no Occlumens; he hadn't yet learned to occlude his mind and every emotion was showing in his features. Leaning closer to him she hissed, "If you dare to tell any bloody fucking soul that it's me who's passing information, then the whole wizarding world will find out about you and Wilda."

Sirius shrugged. "So what? We had an affair and as far as I know, that's not illegal-"

"You played a very foul game with her; you seduced her in the false pretence that you'd marry her. You got her pregnant and abandoned her when you found out. You're the reason she committed suicide."

"You don't have any proof for that." Sirius interjected in quite a cocksure way. "She wanted me. Get used to that fact I'm a very desirable man."

"You're just a bloody wanker that can't keep his wand to himself. A shabby stray. By the way, Wilda kept all your letters, did you know that?"

He paled before he tried to launch at her, but since he was momentarily wandless, Raven managed to get the upper hand on him and sent him to the ground with a Revulsion Jinx.

"Oh no, you can't possibly think I'd be so stupid to carry those letters with me? They're at a safe place but they will be made public the very moment anything happens to me. Now, what will Dumbledore think of you once he finds out that you're the one who's responsible for Wilda's death? Will he still call it a prank gone wrong? Will he still make excuses for you and your prodigious friends, knowing that you, Potter and Pettigrew are unregistered Animagi? Will he still be lenient towards you, knowing you fooled him for years and abused the trust he always had in you, while you and your cronies were merely thinking about having fun, even if that resulted in endangering those he promised to protect? Oh and does dear Lily know that one of her beloved husband's dear friends is a werewolf?"

"Leave her out of it," Black barked as he picked up his wand, brandishing it wildly as he got to his feet.

Raven wasn't impressed. She briefly wondered whether he cared about Lily herself or just because she was Potter's wife, but in the end that didn't matter. It simply felt too freaking good to finally being able to exercise control over at least one fourth of the Marauders. "Ah, you seem to be a bit… _touchy_ today."

"What do you want?"

"I want you to stay away from the _Red Lantern _for good, and that's not a request- it's an order. Consider yourself a persona non grata. If you feel itchy, go to a whore or buy yourself a flea collar. But most of all I want you to keep your bloody mouth shut."

"Alright. I promise I won't tattle your little secret. Will you please give me these letters?" He gave her his best puppy eyes but what usually worked wonders with others failed to find favour with her; she really was a cunning Slytherin bitch.

"Dream on, Black. I don't trust you even half as far as I can throw you, therefore I find it quite agreeable to still have an ace up my sleeve."

"Agreeable? That's blackmail!"

"Well, I'd rather call it precaution," Raven said with a saccharine smile.

Sirius Black was clever enough to realise when he was at his wit's end since there seemed to be no way to sway Raven Lestrange- she was just so very stubborn! It aroused him just as much as it appalled him. He knew she had him by the balls because of his stupid infatuation with Wilda and he promised himself to never again mess around with virgins. They weren't worth all the effort and energy it needed to get laid; and then they tended to become much too clingy for his liking, scaring him with words like marriage and family when all he wanted was to have a little fun. Besides, sex was so much more fun with an experienced witch anyway.

All of a sudden, they both spun around with their wands at the ready due to a suspicious sound coming from the back door of _Red Lantern_- the scratching sound that dragon- hide boot soles made when cautiously shuffling around. Was there somebody eavesdropping on their conversation?


	37. Fools rush in

_Thanks to all my reviewers and to everyone who put me on alert or favoured me. I very much appreciate your support. Special thanks to my lovely betas, Alabaster Princess and hypnotic ink- you're the best!_

37 Fools rush in

"Who's there?" Black yelled, which caused Raven to roll her eyes because that was just so typically Gryffindor.

_Why don't these 'brave lions' __**ever**__ use their brains?_

"Come and say goodbye to your dear brother, Regulus; he's just about to leave."

Sheepishly grinning, Regulus Black stepped out into the alley behind the Red Lantern. It really hadn't been hard for Raven to figure out _who_ was observing them, it was was pretty much obvious that the younger of the Black brothers wanted to know what was going on. Raven only wondered how much he had overheard.

"I have to tell my friends why I left so suddenly," Sirius protested and he tried to get back into the bar but Raven blocked his path.

"I'll tell them you went to mark a tree. Most certainly they are are sympathetic."

Affronted, Sirius spun on his heels to Disapparate without paying any attention to his younger brother, while Regulus arched a quizzical brow at Raven.

"Flea collar? Mark a tree?"

"What else did you overhear while lurking around in the shadows?"

"I wasn't _lurking_." A hurt expression clouded his features. But although he looked quite cute when he was pouting, Raven thought that perhaps a Memory Charm was in order. After all, she _was_ playing a dangerous game and she couldn't risk him tattling on her to Lord V.

"I only followed you because I was worried. I know what an arse my dear brother can be."

"Awwww," she cooed in a mocking tone, "you're such a little hero. Alas, I'm in no need of one."

"I noticed. You actually seemed to be able to exercise some control over him- may I congratulate you and ask how you managed that?"

"You may, as long as you don't expect me to answer your question. You know, Blackie, a witch has to keep her secrets to herself."

"Don't call me Blackie," he said with a smirk.

Sometimes he resembled his older brother a lot. They had the same grey eyes, the same cocksure smile and they were definitely both handsome fellows. Funnily though, Regulus seemed to be the more serious, the more mature one. Of course, he liked to have fun, but unlike his brother he wasn't a prankster and he used to study with more determination.

"By the way, I hope the results of your NEWTs were satisfying?"

"Indeed- but don't try to change the subject, Lestrange. What's going on?"

Raven wondered if perhaps she was making a huge mistake by not using the Memory Charm on him, but she couldn't bring herself to do just that. Yes, she knew it was stupid and she also failed to come up with a logical explanation for her... call it female intuition. And yet, she decided to trust Regulus Black. Although he was a typical Slytherin in cunning and ambition, he was not like his house-mates; he was not the most typical of Voldemort's Death Eater aspirants. True, Regulus had been fed with pure-blood supremacy nonsense from his infancy on, and he... _sort of_ believed in that crap- albeit just to please his parents, Raven concluded. He wanted to be the good son, the pride of his family. Contrary to Sirius, who was such a disgrace to them that they had actually blasted him off the family tree.

"Well, as it seems your dear brother deflowered our dear Wilma-"

"She was still a virgin? In that job?"

"We're dancers, not whores," Raven reminded him sharply.

"Yeah... I know. No offence meant! It's just... well, it just seems so absurd."

"Wilda's from an impoverished pure-blood family; her dad lost his job when he started looking for hope at the bottom of every Odgen's bottle he could find, all because his first-born died in a Quidditch accident two years ago- he was a promising new player for the Wimborne Wasps- and Wilda was only working for Henri in order to support her family. Including daddy's drinking habits."

"And now she's dead." Regulus interjected thoughtfully.

"Right, and now she's bloody dead, and her parents will lose the little hut they're living in because stupid Wilma threw it all away when she believed your dear brother that he'd marry her, but he only used her, got her pregnant and abandoned her when he found out." Raven trusted Regulus with that much information, but most certainly she wouldn't trust him with that little spying game of hers. "You know the rest of the story; it's been in the Daily Prophet for days. Wilda died of an overdose of an illegal Abortion Potion and no one will ever know if it was accidentally or on purpose."

Regulus' face fell; he seemed to have figured out the truth, knowing his brother and his way of swaying witches to get what he yearned for. Actually, Sirius had already boasted with his _conquests _ the very summer he had run away from home-

"I'll talk to father. There must be a way to support Wilma's family without making it appear like some sort of a blood toll."

It was a noble gesture, Raven had to admit, and it seemed to come from his heart. Regulus wanted to make amends for his brother's wrongdoings, even if he had to ask daddy. On the other hand, those pure-bloods were always good in holding charity events- provided, of course, the returns were to benefit other pure-bloods.

"Do whatever you can't leave well alone, but bear in mind that you have to maintain silence and _**not**_ disclose any information regarding your brother's role in this sad affair to anyone."

"Why ever not?"

"Because," Raven rolled her eyes, "it cannot harm to have some leverage against your dearest brother."

"Oh, you mean blackmail?"

"No. I simply prefer to have more pull when it comes to dealing with Gryffindors. Now, if you would excuse me, please- I still have to tell his charming friends that he's not gonna come back again and besides, my break's nearly over." Raven opened the back door to enter the bar again. _And I have to break it to Henri gently that __**I **__decided that Sirius Black isn't welcome at the _Red Lantern_ anymore. Oh, he will be fuming so... _

Regulus followed her like a shadow she couldn't get rid off, being much too curious.

"You called Sirius a mutt once, and today you told him to buy himself a flea collar or mark a tree. Why?"

Well, that was another secret she was not going to blab.

"'cause you're both following me 'round like lost puppies, so piss off now, Blackie. I've still got a job to do."

He flashed her one of his most annoying smirks but refrained from bothering her any further. Nevertheless, Raven could almost feel his eyes resting on her as she told Werewolf and Vermin to follow the mutt and get lost, while Henri was watching her with a frown. She knew she was in trouble.

-o-

Needless to say, Henri was upset. He didn't like his employees sending patrons away and when he learned that Raven had actually issued an order for Black to stay away from the _Red Lantern_, he started yelling at her. Fortunately that was only after the last patron had already left.

Raven was already too tired to care, and if he sacked her now, she wouldn't even protest. She could still apply for Auror training- damn, no! She had already missed the last date for this year's application due to Wilda's funeral.

_Bloody Wilma_, Raven thought and added, _bloody Blacks. _

"But Mr le Grand," Lettie chimed in, "she only did it for Wilma. You haven't seen her lying in her own blood, but I did. It was such a horrible sight."

Henri's face softened since he really liked Lettie. Even more so, though, he liked the sound of Galleons jingling in his cash box at the end of a long night, and Sirius Black had always spent quite a nice amount of Galleons when visiting the _Red Lantern_.

"Sugar, I believe that it was a ghastly sight indeed. Nevertheless, Wilda's unfortunate demise is no reason for sending regular patrons away, and Mr Black was always quite generous. Don't forget, darling, that I hired you as exotic dancers. I never asked you to become intimate with our patrons; that's not a part of your contract and therefore entirely up to you."

"But Black comes here, looking at us as though we were whores and hoping to get laid without ever having to pay for it," Randy interjected all of a sudden. "Raven's right about telling him to piss off."

Raven had to blink in surprise. Was Randy actually taking her side? She had rarely ever experienced any support in the wizarding world, so that was a first to her. "We owe the memory of Wilma to not let him have his way with us."

"Wilma was no saint. Perhaps she planned to get pregnant so Black would marry her."

It was a legitimate idea, Raven realized and she agreed with Henri that Wilma was not the saint the others wanted to make her. Wilma was just a stupid girl that probably had gambled too high and when her plans failed she idiotically overdosed the Abortion Potion because she wouldn't be able to do her job with a big round mummy tummy. It was possible. But just as likely was that Black had fooled her and she committed suicide. At least he had been quite nervous about the letters, and the wizarding media would definitely exploit the story of a young, innocent girl when the name Black was mentioned in the same context. Raven could already see Rita Skeeter's headline in the Daily Prophet. In the end it didn't matter what the truth was- perhaps no one would ever find out- but it was still a good feeling to have the mutt on a leash now; one she could shorten if it suited. Of course, it would be of great advantage if Henri didn't choose to fire her today.

She was lucky. Her colleagues seemed to have taken her side and Henri knew how hard it was to replace good employees, so Raven still had a job when she went home that night; she could still carry on her little spying game.

-o-

She didn't notice how much it burdened her, but it was weighing her down. The war was still going on and no matter what she found out, it didn't seem to make any difference. Although Black was not showing up at Red Lantern anymore- he was clever enough to stay away- he nevertheless kept his favourite parking spot next to her motorbike when he went out in Knockturn or Diagon Alley, so she could still leave messages there.

And apparently he knew to keep his mouth shut because Raven's identity was never revealed. The Order was still clueless about who was passing information to them, but unfortunately they hadn't figured out the spy within their ranks either. It was mightily frustrating and disillusioning, like tilting at windmills.

Severus noticed the change. Watching her surreptitiously, he realized that he hated to see the smile fading on her face. He was so used to see her cheerful and smiling, but now she seemed to have lost her sparkle and he had no idea how to... _reignite_... it. For loss of a better word.

It was convenient, though, that at the end of their latest finished project, Professor O'Flaherty had insisted that Severus took his annual vacation. So he was now facing almost three weeks of boredom in which he wasn't even allowed to touch a cauldron. It was one of those stupid Ministry decrees for the Safety and Health of Potion Apprentices.

Well- truth to be told- it was actually known that even the greatest potioneers took a break from work at least once a year, because the constant exposure to the fumes of simmering cauldrons was a health risk indeed.

And so Severus was thinking about a way to make Raven smile again when he came home earlier than usual on that day. He found her sitting in the kitchen with Jeffrey, drinking tea, and he overheard parts of their conversation.

"...everyone's going... why don't you want to come to the festival with us? It will be fun."

"I'm not in the mood," Raven said. Then she spotted Severus standing at the kitchen door and the ghost of a smile flickered over her face. "You're early. Want some tea?"

Severus accepted a cup of tea as he sat down, addressing Jeffrey. "What festival?"

"Leigh Rock, with lots of cool new bands like Joy Division, The Teardrop Explodes, Echo and the Bunnymen..." Jeffrey listed some more bands that Severus had never heard of. Nevertheless, it sounded like a good idea.

"Why don't you want to go?" He arched a brow at her. "We could go together."

"That would be great," Jeffrey said jovially.

"Do you want to go?" For the fraction of a second, Raven beamed at Severus. Then her face fell again. "No, I have to work."

"You could take a few days off," Severus suggested, although he wasn't explicitly keen on going to a Muggle rock festival, because that meant having to mingle with a crowd of mostly drunken and unwashed bodies. But it seemed to be just what Raven needed and so he would handle the unpleasantness of the situation. Besides, there were spells to make him feel more comfortable in a crowd.

"Yeah, take a few days off and come with us," Jeffrey agreed. "You know we miss you, don't you? You made yourself scarce lately."

Raven ran her fingers through her hair and decided that it wouldn't harm to not spy on Death Eater patrons for a weekend. Severus seemed to be willing to go to that festival with her and she was keen on spending some leisure time with him... her heart was actually beating a little faster at that prospect, although it would most likely end in just another heartbreak. But she could still worry about that tomorrow. Today, she was just looking forward to a fun weekend with great new music.

And she didn't get disappointed.

It was so good to see her Muggle friends again, to get (slightly) drunk, and to spend time with Severus, who was at least enjoying the Muggle music albeit not the Muggle crowd at the festival. But he was no friend of crowds in general. Despite of that, he seemed to be having a good time and so was she; it almost felt like a lot of weight had been taken off her shoulders just by being away from the wizarding world for a while.

It was the era of post punk. New bands had formed, influenced by the likes of the Sex Pistols but not as raw and untamed as they had sounded. Instead, they had turned those wild tunes of anger into something that was more introverted and experimental, often using the complex wall of sound of synthesizers.

Raven realized that she was witnessing the birth of a completely new age of music, and it was very exciting. For a while, she almost forgot that there was a war raging on in the wizarding world.

-o-

Severus was quite content with himself; it had been a good idea to go to the Leigh Rock festival because Raven seemed to cheer up and was more like herself, smiling again. She was very pretty when she smiled. He always noticed that- and yet it never crossed his mind that she was happy simply because she was with him.

Raven was still cheerful the Monday afternoon after the concert. They were sitting in the kitchen, drinking tea, when all of a sudden there was an urgent knock at the door. She glanced at Severus.

"Are you expecting someone?"

"One of my many friends?" He sneered.

Raven sighed and went to answer the door. Her Muggle friends were also his friends; he should know that they liked him...

"Wait," he insisted all of a sudden, standing right behind her with his wand drawn- as if he knew that there was no Muggle knocking. Then, they heard a low whimpering, followed by another urgent knock at the door.

Raven drew her wand, too. "Who's there?" She asked but at the very same time she opened the door wide- to reveal a very anxious looking Regulus Black standing at the threshold. He was holding a deliriously mumbling something in his arms, wrapped in a heavy blanket. It was Slytherin green, embroidered with the Black family crest and their motto, _Toujours pur._

"I need your help. Please!"

"Are you mistaking this place with St Mungo's emergency ward?" Severus drawled. Unlike Raven, he hadn't lowered his wand yet. "Go there if you need help."

"They don't treat house-elves at St Mungo's." Regulus pleaded, sounding desperate.

"House-elf?" Raven plucked at the blanket and stared in utter fascination at the probably ugliest creature she had ever seen. He was already quite old and his head was bald but there was wiry white hair sprouting from his bad-like ears that were now furled in misery

"Water... Master Regulus, help... no, no Kreacher is bad, bad elf... always a burden... water… white dead hands," the elf wailed, which sounded funny with his deep bullfrog voice.

Raven arched a quizzical brow at Regulus. "His name's Kreacher? How very fitting. What happened to him? And how the hell did you find us?"

"At least he's not bringing us another illegitimate offspring the Blacks want to get rid off," Severus deadpanned before he glared at the younger Black. "Now answer her questions."

"The Dark Lord demanded the service of a house-elf so I offered Kreacher; he's a very loyal elf. I was proud I could help. I... I didn't know he meant to dispose of him!"

"What did you expect?" Raven snapped. "Even families that are not obsessed with blood-supremacy treat their elves like slaves. To the likes of you they're just a possession and not a being."

"No!" Regulus protested. "Kreacher's very dear to me."

"How touching," Severus interjected as he took the bundle from Regulus' arms to give it a closer look. He already had an idea what was wrong with the house-elf but he needed to learn more details. "What did the Dark Lord do to him?"

"Well, as far as I understand, the Dark Lord took Kreacher to a cave by the sea, and he made him drink a potion from a stone basin- it was poisonous. The Dark Lord meant him to die in that cave but I told Kreacher to come back to me and..."

"Stop babbling, Black! If the Dark Lord meant your house-elf to die, why don't you simply obey to his wish. Why did you bring it to me? Do you expect me to oppose to the Dark Lord? Do you question my loyalty?"

"Yes. I mean- no. No, I don't know, but you're not like the other Slytherins, Severus. Please help Kreacher. You're probably the only one who can cure him. I'm certain you know a remedy to whatever potion the Dark Lord forced him to drink."

"Perhaps," Severus said in a silky voice that lulled the young Black into a false sense of security, and while the boy was glancing at him with hope in his eyes, Severus was scanning his mind for any... falseness. But he found none. Apparently, Regulus was truly concerned about the well-being of Kreacher. He wasn't sent by the Dark Lord to test Severus' loyalty.

"Take care of the whelp," he told Raven as he walked towards the kitchen, carrying the elf with him. "I don't want to be disturbed."

-o-

"Do you think he can-"

"Yes," Raven silenced the boy as she ushered him into her room where she made him sit down on the sofa. "Now relax and let Severus do whatever he needs to do. And tell me how you found out where we live."

"He mentioned it once, when we met at Fortescue's- so you really think Snape can find a cure for Kreacher?"

"Sure. What's the elf to you anyway?"

Regulus sighed. "I've known him since the day I was born; he's very close to me... like a friend."

"Ah." She had read that many pure-blood families didn't bother with changing nappies or all the other tedious stuff that came with raising a child; they often left the dirty job to the house-elves. So Kreacher was probably sort of a nanny to Regulus and most likely the boy had seen more of that elf than of his parents. She almost felt sorry for him. Perhaps the only attention young Blackie got from his parents was when he was parroting their sick ideals of blood-supremacy.

Meanwhile, Regulus was glancing around, taking in his surroundings with wide eyes. He was definitely not familiar with modern Muggle furniture.

"Are those magical artefacts?" He pointed at the lava lamps.

Raven wanted to answer in the negative but changed her mind since there was something magical about lava lamps. The rising and falling of the colourful bubbles always had a soothing effect on Severus, so she switched them on, hoping they would do the same for Regulus. And the boy was impressed- at least for a short moment. Then his grey, curious eyes drifted to something else instead.

"Oh, is that a visiotelly?"

Raven rolled her eyes. "It's called television- or short, TV."

"Wow," he said, staring at the empty black screen. "And where are the moving pictures?"

_Oh dear, those pure-bloods are really clueless when being confronted with the Muggle world, _Raven thought as she reached for the remote control to turn on the TV_. _Now Regulus was really gaping. It wasn't like anything he'd ever seen before, not like the wizarding pictures that were smiling or scowling or waving- these pictures did not repeat themselves; they were constantly changing, showing Muggles talking to each other in different scenes.

He glanced at the black _thing_ in Raven's hand that had made a totally new world come alive. "Is that a special Muggle wand?"

"It's called remote control. You simply press the buttons to flip through the TV channels- "

"Can't I use my own wand to do that?" Regulus made an attempt to brandish his wand at the TV screen but Raven snatched it from his hands before he could cause any harm.

"No! Stop that, you stupid boy! Don't you know that Muggle electricity reacts very sensitive to magic?"

Regulus didn't reply. He had just pressed a button and a new scene was unfolding on the screen, like magic. A Muggle woman was telling a Muggle man that she was in love with him, begging him to not leave her, and Blackie seemed to be totally mesmerized with _Coronation Street. _Since he was beginning to relax, Raven decided to sneak out of her room and into the kitchen to see what Severus was doing.

_-_o_-_

She was greeted with the most absurd sight. Severus was pouring a familiar brown liquid down the house-elf's throat.

"Is that actually Coke you're bottle-feeding him with?"

Severus glanced up briefly without confirming her theory, then he simply continued. Apparently with success, since Kreacher was already looking much better. His cheeks had taken on a more rosy tinge and he was beginning to protest against being manhandled by a 'filthy half-blood.'

In spite of that, the elf's hands clawed at the bottle, drinking as much as he could down of that 'disgusting Muggle brew', loathing it just as much as he craved for it.

"Poor Kreacher... poor Master Regulus... if he could see... big-nose half-breed scum is abusing Kreacher, can't help... give Kreacher more... abhorrent brew... abomination... "

He looked like a withered baby, aged beyond time, uttering obscenities between taking greedy gulps of Coke.

"Foul brew... so revolting... give me more... you... stinking disgrace of wizardkind."

"Oh, he's quite a charmer, isn't he?"

"He's ungrateful and annoying. I don't even know why I'm trying to save this spiteful creature."

"Because you're a great guy, Sev," Raven said as she gently rubbed his arm.

He snorted derogatorily. "Who are you trying to fool, Lestrange? The poison he consumed is _my_

creation."

"Yep, I already gathered that much, and apparently there is an antidote to it"

"Well, I didn't lie to the Dark Lord when I told him that there is none in the wizarding world-"

"Too bad for him to always underestimate the Muggles, hm? But why Coke?"

Severus didn't reply at once. He frowned and gestured at Kreacher, indicating that the house-elf might tattle. Raven, however, waved his worries aside.

"Blackie won't allow him to say a word."

"You trust him?"

Raven nodded. "I think he is currently... reconsidering his ideology, thanks to the TV program. And he's decent enough to know he's indebted to you for saving his spiteful little friend. So, why Coke?"

"Liquid Thirst causes dehydration and Hyperglycaemia, meaning a lower than normal level of blood glucose. The effects of that can range from headache over mild dysphoria to serious brain damage; the victim will be in a state that resembles drug abuse or drunkenness, bordering to delirium."

"Ah, and sugared water wouldn't help?"

"Only for a short time. There are other ingredients in that horrible Muggle brew that are supportive, especially caffeine. Also, one shouldn't underestimate the properties of citrus fruits and spices like vanilla, cinnamon or coriander as potion ingredients, given that they haven't even been researched properly yet. Vanilla, for example has soothing as well as stimulating effects.

"Besides, I know you always keep at least one bottle of Coke in your fridge."

_Our fridge_, Raven wanted to correct him when it suddenly dawned upon her what he was actually trying to say without speaking it out loud. Whatever Lord V had in mind with Liquid Thirst, Severus had seen to it that there was an antidote available for her; he wanted to know her safe. And that meant a lot to her.

The butterflies in her stomach were in a wild frenzy. She flung her arms around his neck, hugging him hard as she kissed his cheek. But before she could whisper something stupid, Kreacher let out a hoarse, gagging sound of disgust.

"Ugh! Repugnant half-breeds. Yuck! No manners, no decorum. Kreacher must protect his dear master from debauchery. Where is Master Regulus?"

"Well, I guess he's enjoying the decadence of Muggle lifestyle in my perfectly Muggle furnished room," Raven quipped.

"Obnoxious half-blood scum, shame to the wizarding world," Kreacher croaked before rising his bullfrog voice to a higher volume. "MASTER REGULUS?"

Only an instant later, Regulus Black came rushing into the kitchen, relieved to see that his elf was alive and well and just as pleasant as ever.

"Kreacher! Are you alright?"

"Big-nose half-breed forced Kreacher to drink vile brown Muggle potion."

"But you're alive and that's all that matters." Regulus turned to address Severus. "Thank you, Snape. I owe you… and I'm not sure if I can ever repay in an adequate way."

Raven frowned at that; there seemed to be something… final in his words. A fierce spark of determination lit up in his eyes, and she didn't like that either. Quickly, she exchanged glances with Severus. He had noticed it, too.

Regulus said goodbye.

_'We cannot let him leave!'_ Raven screamed wordlessly before she acted out of instinct. She flung herself at Regulus, knocking him down. They rolled over the floor in the hallway. Kreacher hurried to protect his dear master and grabbed for Raven's ankle.

"Leave Master Regulus alone! Filth! Scum!"

The elf was about to dig his teeth into Raven's leg but a mocking chuckle stopped him. Actually, the whole scene of madness seemed to freeze when they all glanced up to stare at Severus, who was blocking the front door, his wand at the ready. He did cut an impressive figure as he sneered at them.

"Rolling over the floor like brawling Muggle brats- I expected a more superior behaviour from a Black. On the other hand… perhaps not, given what I know of your brother. And Lestrange, why don't you try it the magical way- for the sake of elegance."

"Ah, but isn't it rude to fire a _Petrificus Totalus_ at the back of a dear guest?"

"Sometimes, the end justifies the means," Severus said dryly.

Meanwhile, Kreacher tugged at Regulus robes, croaking, "Master, let Kreacher take you away from here."

"Besides," Severus continued to lecture Raven, "I didn't hex Black. At least not yet. I merely Apparated to the door in order to stop him."

"Apparition requires determination, and I'm simply not determined enough to Apparate within my own flat," Raven replied.

To everybody's surprise, Regulus was suddenly laughing out loud. "Dear Merlin, you two are incredible!"

"Yeah, I guess we are," Raven smirked. "And that's why you can't fool us, Blackie. Whatever you have in mind- forget about it since it's probably an incredibly stupid idea anyway. Don't rush things-"

"After all, you're not a recklessly foolish Gryffindor like your brother," Severus cut in.

"Abhorrent blood-traitor scum!" Kreacher hissed. "Ran away and gave poor mistress so much woe- oh, poor Mistress."

Raven thought that now was a good moment to change her strategy, so she smiled sweetly at Kreacher and said, "I'm certain you want to spare your mistress even more grief, don't you?"

"Yes... filthy half-blood." The house-elf stared at Raven with big pale eyes; his bat-like ears were unfurled and perked up. Then he coiled up one of his ears as he shrewdly glanced at Regulus. "Master Regulus, Kreacher thinks that filthy half-blood witch is trying to manipulate Kreacher."

"You're probably right, but please refrain from calling them names," Regulus chided him gently. "As it seems, they're our friends- I reckon."

"But Master Regulus, they _are_ of lower blood. Unworthy. Bad company for Master Regulus of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black."

"No, Kreacher. We owe them. Master Severus saved your life."

"Master Regulus should not have to owe big-nose for saving Kreacher's life because Kreacher is just a house-elf."

"Listen," Raven interjected before Regulus could reply, "why don't we go and sit down in my room, have a nice glass of wine, and talk things over?"

Regulus seemed to be pondering about a way how to politely decline her invitation and weasel himself out of this dilemma, but a brief glance in Snape's direction told him that any attempt to make a hasty retreat would be futile. Besides, he had meant it when he claimed that Raven and Severus were his friends, although it was perhaps still sort of an... uneasy friendship. Nevertheless, he had undoubtedly chosen his path the very moment he had knocked at their door, and now there was no way back. He just had to trust them.

On the other hand, he was a too Slytherin to not try and make advantage of the situation. They wanted to know something of him, so they would have to give some knowledge in return.

"Alright," he said resolutely. "Snape, put your wand down; I will accept your _hospitality- _on one condition."

Severus arched a brow at him that indicated amusement and curiosity all at once. "Indeed," he drawled in a mocking tone, "so pray tell me what is your... condition."

Albeit Regulus was feeling a little foolish, he couldn't help but burst out, "What do you know about my brother that you always refer to him as if he were a dog?"

Severus just smirked as he guided 'Blackie' into Raven's room.


	38. Who's in danger

_Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favoured or put this on alert._

38- Who's in Danger?

"No, Master Regulus, don't go in there," Kreacher grabbed Regulus' knee as he stood on the threshold to Raven's room, staring in horror at the abominable artefacts of Muggle culture. "What will poor mistress say? Mistress always relied on Kreacher to take good care of Master Regulus but now Kreacher thinks Kreacher is not doing her justice."

"Don't worry, Kreacher. Everything's fine," Regulus said in a low tone. "We just have to reconsider our ideology and our allegiance."

"Master wants to side with filthy half-breeds?"

"Kreacher!"

"Yes, Master Regulus. Bad, bad Kreacher. We will trust our nice new friends and-"

"Kreacher!" Regulus hissed as he stopped his loyal elf from banging his head against the door frame. "I forbade you to punish yourself, don't you remember?"

"Yes, Master Regulus," Kreacher glanced up to his master with pale, watery eyes, his bat-like ears hanging low, "Kreacher forgot. Kreacher is sorry. Kreacher will be good now and not cause dear Master Regulus more trouble. Kreacher caused too much trouble already."

"No, you didn't." To underline his words, Regulus got to his knees so that he was at eye level with the house-elf. "It's all my fault. I was foolish; I thought it was an honour and I never wanted that to happen to you-"

"Do you enjoy standing at the door or won't you come in?" Raven interrupted them. She had already poured four glasses of wine for them and was only waiting for Regulus and Kreacher to sit down, since she was badly in need of a drink.

Kreacher was almost in a state of shock when it became apparent to him that he was supposed to sit down with his master and the half-breeds. Although they were of low blood, they were nevertheless of the wizarding race and therefore superior to him. House-elves never sat at the same table with wizards.

He glanced at his master, hoping for a command to go and clean the kitchen or whatever. But that didn't happen, and besides, Kreacher didn't want to leave Master Regulus alone with his... _friends_. However, it was just as impossible for him to climb up onto the sofa and sit next to his master. So, Kreacher decided that crouching on the floor, close to Master Regulus' feet, was a much more appropriate place for a house-elf, and he only accepted a glass of wine from the half-blood's hand when Master Regulus shot him a pleading look.

-o-

"Now tell me, what's wrong with Sirius?" Regulus knew he was a tad too rash, but it had been a long day and he was tired of playing games.

"He's an annoying berk," Severus replied harshly and with a great amount of loathing in his voice.

"Well, I'm aware of that. After all, he's my older brother. But you wanted to tell me something else instead."

"Did I?"

"We had a deal!" Regulus insisted. "You were to tell me what you know of my brother, why you always refer to him in terms that remind of dogs, and I will tell you what I found out about the Dark Lord."

It wasn't more than a brief glance that Severus exchanged with Raven, and yet it seemed to Regulus as if there was so much more going on between the two of them... sort of a silent conversation, actually.

Then, Raven took a sip of wine, cleared her throat, and deigned to fill him in. "Well, your dear brother is an unregistered Animagus, just like his prodigious Marauder buddies, and his Animagus form is that of a dog. A black, shaggy stray to be more precise."

Regulus was strangely unsurprised. After all, Sirius _was_ an ace at Transfiguration. And, thinking about it now, he certainly did have some canine character traits- he was very good at giving you the most innocent puppy-eyes, and no matter how mean Sirius had been, Regulus had never managed to hold a grudge against his brother for longer than a few hours. Even mother had forgiven him over and over again, until he had pushed it too far and she had blasted him off the family tree...

_And yet_, Regulus mused, _she'll forgive him once more, if only he would give it a try. But that's just as futile a thing to hope for as it is to hoping she'll forgive me for turning against all of her ideals and. _siding_ with half-bloods..._

"How did you find out?" He wondered aloud.

Raven was pondering whether to tell him or not, when Severus cut in, "If I remember correctly, we had a deal and since we fulfilled our part, it's your turn now."

_I shouldn't have come here_, Regulus thought briefly, not knowing quite where to start and what to give away at all. On the other hand, he was very well aware of the fact that he couldn't have handled it all on his own, so it _was_ the most sensible decision and probably the only solution anyway. He couldn't have possibly gone to Sirius, asking for his help- Regulus didn't want to hear any bloody patronizing phrases like, 'I told you so', or 'you should have known better' from his Gryffindork brother.

"Why don't you have a sip of wine and just start at the beginning?" Raven asked softly.

Regulus was grateful for her sympathy; she was trying to make it easier for him and he appreciated that, especially since he knew how very persistent she could be.

All of a sudden, Severus reached out and grabbed Regulus' left arm, pulling up the sleeve of his robe... to reveal pale, unblemished skin.

"Ah," Severus arched a knowing brow at him, drawing conclusions with a slightly arrogant drawl in his tone, "let me hazard a guess- once, you were so eager to join the Dark Lord because you wanted to please mummy and daddy, to prove that you're the good son. But you lacked the guts to actually comply to the Dark Lord's orders since you had finally come to realize that blood-supremacy isn't just an empty phrase or a political movement. Instead, it means you had to torture and kill to accomplish the rule of pure-blood wizards over Muggles and Muggleborns, and you didn't like that at all. So you volunteered your elf to the Dark Lord, foolishly hoping that that would be enough to make your master see you're not a complete failure. Alas, things didn't quite go as you planned, did they? The Dark Lord is even more ruthless than you expected and you're desperately looking for a way out. But you're in too deep already."

Regulus hung his head in shame.

"Sev, give him a chance," Raven said.

"He doesn't stand a chance, Lestrange. Just look at him! His face is like an open book; he does not know how to Occlude his mind. Even if he doesn't run to the Dark Lord to tattle on our conversation, the Dark Lord will find out anyway. It was a huge mistake to ever let him enter our home. We have to be more careful and not act as foolishly trusting as you are."

"I-" Regulus made an attempt to defend himself but Raven interrupted him, addressing Severus again.

"Do you really think Regulus would have survived that long if you were right? Considering his acceptance to Lord V's propaganda was dwindling, he couldn't have kept that a secret without some more than basic skills in Occlumency. I guess he's just trying to open up in order to make us see he's trustworthy."

_She's dead-on_, Regulus thought but he wished they wouldn't talk about him as though he wasn't there.

"Is that true?" Severus asked, still not being totally convinced. "Who taught you the fine art of Occlumency?"

"Cousin Bella did- she... she wanted to ascertain that I wouldn't pester the Dark Lord with my... um, adolescent feelings." Regulus blushed, which Raven found quite endearing. He really was a cutie, despite his background.

"Bellatrix," Severus hissed derogatorily, still feeling the chill creeping up his spine when thinking about that madwoman. It didn't sit well with him that the boy was actually related to her, but on the other hand, all of the pure-blood families where interrelated to some extent.

"I reckon you already made her acquaintance? Well, you're already in too deep, too- aren't you? But I won't pull up your sleeve to check just how deep you're actually in... although the Dark Lord speaks highly of his oh-so-modest potion master. It wouldn't even surprise me if it had been you who created the potion that almost killed Kreacher."

"You seem to be making quite a fuss about the well-being of your house-elf."

"Boys!" Raven cut in. "Let's not fight, alright? We have to stick together now." She turned to flash a winning smile at Regulus. "Now, Reg, why don't you tell us more? If I recall correctly, you mentioned earlier that the Dark Lord had asked for the service of a house-elf- but to what point and purpose?"

"I didn't know it then, otherwise I wouldn't have volunteered Kreacher." Regulus heaved a sigh. "You're right, I _was_ foolish enough to believe that it would solve my problems within the fraternity. I considered it an honour to volunteer Kreacher, because Kreacher is the best house-elf ever. He's very loyal and attentive- aren't you, Kreacher?"

There came no response.

"Kreacher?"

Again, the very attentive house-elf did not reply. Everyone was glancing in his direction now, some of them with more amusement than others when it became apparent that Kreacher was staring in rapt fascination at Raven's lava-lamps. She couldn't help but burst out laughing at the sight of his head bobbing up and down with the tide of the colourful bubbles.

"Kreacher!" Regulus gave him a light shove to gain his attention, and finally the elf was looking at him with huge eyes, his old, wrinkled face glowing with rapture.

"Master Regulus see the strange candelabras? They make very weird candlelight in all colours and see these bubbles? They go up and down. Is that Muggle magic?"

"It's called electricity, " Raven threw in helpfully.

Kreacher eyed her from head to toe with a mixture of awe and animosity. "You make eppileptizzity hex, mistress half-breed scum?"

_He's beginning to warm up to me_, Raven concluded. After all, she wasn't just scum anymore but _Mistress_ scum. Now what an improvement! And so she smiled encouragingly at the little ugliness when Regulus asked him to tell his story.

"It was an honour, dear Master." Kreacher remembered in his deep bullfrog voice. "Master Regulus asked me to do the Dark Lord's bidding and Kreacher was very proud to be of service.

"The Dark Lord took Kreacher to a cave beside the sea. The cave was huge, and beyond the cave there was a cavern with a great black lake. We sailed across the lake in a boat, until we reached an island, and on that island was a basin full of potion..."

The elf fell silent for a moment- long enough for Severus to recall that basin and how Voldemort had forced a poor, innocent Muggleborn prisoner to drink the poisonous potion _he_ had created. He would never forget his screams, begging for water, for mercy, for-

"The D-dark Lord made Kreacher drink that potion, dear Master Regulus, and Kreacher obeyed. Cup after cup Kreacher had to drink and drink, and Kreacher was getting really thirsty although Kreacher was drinking and drinking. And when Kreacher had drunk all that was in the basin, the Dark Lord put a locket into the empty basin, and then it filled with nasty potion again."

Severus remembered that he had once seen something similar happening. He had given the Dark Lord only one phial of _Liquid Thirst_ and yet it had seemed to replicate itself over again and again.

_How did he do that?_

"Then the Dark Lord sailed away... leaving Kreacher all miserable and aching, and Kreacher was frightened, but the Dark Lord just laughed and sailed away. Kreacher was all alone, then, and Kreacher was so very thirsty, so Kreacher tried to drink from the waters of the lake. But the lake wouldn't let poor Kreacher drink. There were hands coming out of the water and reaching for Kreacher... many, many hands. Cold and white, and they were dragging Kreacher under water and Kreacher was drowning- but Kreacher was not allowed to drown and die because Master Regulus had ordered Kreacher to come back, so Kreacher got back to dear Master Regulus."

"What was in the lake?" Severus inquired.

"Cold, white, dead hands... horrible hands... poor Kreacher."

"I think there are Inferi in the lake," Regulus interpreted the elf's words.

"Indeed," Severus said, pondering over what the Dark Lord had hidden in that cave for it seemed to be exceptionally well protected and therefore it must be something very precious to him. Nevertheless, Kreacher had managed to escape despite the Dark Lord's safety precaution. "How did you get away?"

"Master Regulus ordered Kreacher to come home."

"And the house-elf's highest law is his master's bidding," Raven concluded when Severus still appeared to be quite clueless. "You know, elf magic is different to ours. For instance, they can Apparate in and out of warded places- like Hogwarts- which no wizard can." She huffed. "It's just so typical for Lord V's arrogance to underestimate them and think their magic is inferior to his, when in fact house-elves are quite powerful little creatures."

"Mistress Scum knows about house-elves," Kreacher sounded surprised.

While Raven was wondering if she should tell him about Tweety, Severus asked astonished, "You mean that elf managed to evade all of the Dark Lord's measures of security simply because Black gave him the order to come back?"

"Yep," she said nonchalantly, and Kreacher nodded his agreement.

"Mistress Scum is right. Kreacher's highest law is his good Master Regulus' bidding."

"And I'm glad I remembered to tell you to come back. At least that was something I did right." Regulus sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"Master Regulus always does right. Master Regulus is the pride of Master's dear parents."

"Hm," Regulus heaved another sigh, "I'm not certain if I am still their pride."

"Because dear Master Regulus is siding with filthy half-breed... _friends_?"

"No," Raven thought aloud, staking it all on one card since she was tired of beating around bushes, "no, it's more like dear Master Regulus has come up with a rather stupid plan to defy the Dark Lord."

Kreacher let out a startled noise, sounding like a hiccuping frog.

"Isn't it so, Blackie?"

Regulus chose to not reply and he averted his eyes so that neither Raven nor Severus could use Legilimency on him.

"What did you find out about the Dark Lord that you deem yourself capable of defying him?" Severus asked. "Has it something to do with that locket he was hiding in the cave?"

_It's so typical for Snape to figure me out_, Regulus thought gloomily. But albeit having been figured out, he was still reluctant to spill all his beans.

"So it is about the locket?" Raven inquired.

In the end, Regulus answered in the affirmative. There was no way of denying it. Perhaps he shouldn't have run to them in the first place, but now he was here and he would have to tell them everything. _Do they even know how... _convincing_ they are when they're acting together? _It was beyond him why they still weren't an item since they would make a perfect couple, complementing each other in almost every aspect...

"Well, tell us about that locket..."

"...and what it means to the Dark Lord. Am I right to assume it is a very powerful Dark Arts artefact?"

"It is indeed. I think the Dark Lord created a Horcrux."

"A-what-crux?" Raven chimed in.

"A Horcrux is a magical object used to store part of a person's soul, so that in case the body of said person is destroyed, he or she will still live on," Severus said in a professional tone, giving her a lecture in the Dark Arts. "The Dark Lord seeks to conquer death."

"He wants to live eternally with that face?"

"When power comes into play, beauty doesn't matter, Lestrange."

"Well, at least one can say that vanity is not one of his sins. I think, however, that immortality is highly overrated and besides, history shows that there is no such thing as immortality. It always seems to come with a snag- I guess you've all heard of Achilles' heel?"

"That's just mythology," Regulus gave to consider.

"Ah, but there's a grain of truth in every myth, and if you hadn't slept through History of Magic all those years, you would know that." She turned to Severus. "How does that storing-one-part-of-your-soul thing work?"

"I don't know the precise procedure nor the required curse. It is very vile, very Dark magic."

"You have to commit a horrendous crime, such as killing someone," Regulus knew, and when his friends stared at him, he just shrugged. "We have a rather large collection of Dark Arts books at home. I already read about Horcruxes when I was younger. There was a story about a guy called Harpo the Foul-"

Raven started laughing. "_**Harpo**_ is a Swedish Muggle singer who had a hit with 'Moviestar' some years ago." She started singing but since it was quite out of tune the Knut didn't drop. Well, she hadn't expected Regulus to know the song anyway. "You mean _**Herpo **_the Foul; the Ancient Greek Dark Wizard who first hatched a Basilisk. He invented many vile curses and he was a Parselmouth."

"True. I liked reading stories about him-"

"Why doesn't that surprise me? After all, you're of a very Slytherin background so naturally you must like stories about serpents."

"Well, I loved to read about Basilisks. Anyway, H_**e**_rpo was also the first wizard who successfully created a Horcrux- perhaps he even invented the ritual himself. And according to him you have to kill someone to make a Horcrux."

"People get killed every day and I reckon a soul isn't split every time."

"Indeed," Severus agreed with a slightly arrogant sneer in Regulus' direction, "our young _friend_ wasn't precise in his elaboration. You can only create a Horcrux by committing cold-blooded murder, and it also requires a certain ritual to actually split your soul."

"Ah, so you have to be a real cruel bastard with no heart at all." Raven nodded understandingly, then she glanced from one young wizard to the other. "And what object is to be used to store that split part of your soul?"

"As far as I know, it can be anything- whatever is at hand; it doesn't even have to be a magical artefact." Regulus explained, and this time Severus didn't correct him.

"So you could take any mundane object and turn it into a Horcrux."

"Basically, that's correct. I assume, though, that you would choose an object that holds a special meaning to you." Severus said.

"Hm," Raven mused, "even if that locket has a special meaning to Lord V, it's probably just a random object... and therefore it's not only his... _key_ to immortality but also his Achilles' heel."

A glance in Regulus' direction told her she had guessed right. Objects could be destroyed and that was exactly what Blackie was up to, although his plan didn't contain his survival. _Oh what a stupid, stupid boy! _Whatever he'd had in mind, it was decidedly just as daft an action as could be expected from a Gryffindork.

Fortunately, they had figured him out just in time and his determination to carry out his foolish plan was dwindling with each minute they were talking..

"It's not that easy," Regulus said slowly. "You cannot try to fool the most powerful wizard of our times and hope to live and tell the tale. After all, the only wizard the Dark Lord fears is Dumbledore."

"And yet, we know about his Horcrux. We know where it is and we know of his precaution measures." Raven insisted stubbornly. "Why don't we just go and destroy his bloody Horcrux? I mean, we don't have to try and kill him... leave that to the oh-so-goody-two-shoes of the Order. _After_ he lost his immortality."

"You're mad."

"It was your idea to destroy the Horcrux."

"It's not that easy," Regulus said again, furrowing his brows in obvious frustration. "I fear the Dark Lord created more than just one Horcrux."

"Merlin," Severus gasped, "is that even possible? Do you have any proof for your assumption, Black?"

"No. It's just... you know, the very day he asked for the service of a house-elf, he also handed something to Bella and Lucius- a golden cup and some sort of a journal- and he told them to take good care of it."

"I'm certain it was an... honour... to your dear cousin Bellatrix."

Regulus winced. Bella was family, after all. And he was just turning against everything they held sacred; he was betraying the ideals and the beliefs of his family. But he couldn't turn a blind eye to torture and murder either.

"Well, it certainly doesn't surprise me that Lord V killed more than once," Raven cut it. "But what does splitting your soul a couple of times do to your sanity? Oh, I forgot- we're talking about a megalomaniac lunatic anyway.. So how many times do you think he actually split his soul?"

"If I'm right assuming that the things he gave to Bella and Lucius are also Horcruxes, then there are at least three."

"I don't think the Dark Lord would choose to create any random number of Horcruxes," Severus gave to consider.

"All good things come in threes," Raven said in a slightly sarcastic tone.

"That's just a Muggle phrase. Seven would be a more... magical number-"

"Bugger! You mean Lord V split his soul in... _seven_ pieces?" She glanced incredulously from Severus to Regulus, addressing the latter. "And you really thought him worth your admiration and even capable of ruling the wizarding world?"

"He's the most powerful wizard of our times," Regulus repeated what had long been his mantra.

"Bullshit! He's not the heaven-sent messiah of the wizarding world, Reg. Your wonderful and oh-so-almighty Dark Lord is just as lowly a half-blood as we are, Sev and I. His father was a Muggle by the name of Tom Riddle-"

"No!"

"But it's true, indeed," Severus confirmed. "Raven is right. She researched his background thoroughly, some years ago, and although she didn't find out every detail of his parentage, I can assure you that the Dark Lord is a half-blood, named after his Muggle father, Tom Riddle."

It sounded like blasphemy to Regulus and yet he knew that they had no reason to lie to him about that. After all, Lestrange was a history geek- and just the kind of person who'd check the Dark Lord's background, eager to find out more about him...

Suddenly he recalled a scene in the Slytherin common room... she had approached him while he was sorting through his newspaper clippings about the Dark Lord, and she had started to ask him questions... he knew she had lied to him about her parentage, but he'd paid no heed to that fact since he'd been much to busy staring at her... feminine attributes.

She had used him!

"But he **IS **the heir of Slytherin!" He insisted in a mixture of defiance and frustration. "The locket proves it!"

"Are we talking about the same locket now?" Severus inquired. "The locket that the Dark Lord hid in the cave and that contains one part of his soul? Is his Horcrux the very same locket that was once created by Salazar Slytherin?"

Regulus just nodded.

Severus glanced at Raven and explained quite smugly, "I _knew_ he wouldn't pick any random object to store one piece of his soul; it _had_ to be something which holds a special meaning to him, and since he is boasting with his maternal origin-"

"His mother was Merope Gaunt," she told Regulus. "You know that the Gaunts were the last known descendants of Salazar Slytherin? They they used to live in the same little town as the Riddles at the time of Tom Riddle juniors conception, and Merope was the only witch available to have given birth to Tom Marvolo Riddle aka the Heir of Slytherin aka the Dark Lord. Interestingly, his second name is Marvolo, just like Merope's father-"

"She wouldn't have given herself to a Muggle!" Regulus protested, knowing that that sounded rather feeble and childish.

"Well," Raven sighed. "Ever seen a picture of Merope Gaunt? She definitely wasn't a looker... perhaps her ugliness was the result of generations of inbreeding. The idea of keeping the blood pure by producing children with a close relative has never gone well- take the last Habsburg King of Spain for example. Charles II was born physically and mentally disabled; he was disfigured- his tongue was so large that his speech could barely be understood; he couldn't chew properly and he was drooling all the time. But his blood was oh-so pure. Unfortunately, he was impotent so he couldn't pass on his _precious_ pure blood …

"And no, I don't want to hear now that he was just a Muggle, because there really is not much difference between Muggles and the wizarding race except for our ability to use magic.

"I believe Merope would have given herself to anyone in desperate need of getting laid, and especially to someone who was as dashing as Tom Riddle senior. Perhaps she even used a love potion to sway him and get what she wanted."

Regulus looked so lost, so crestfallen and bereft of all of his illusions as if someone had just stolen his favourite plush basilisk. Raven's heart was aching for him. She reached out and took his hands in hers, giving them an encouraging squeeze. The poor boy had been imbibed with all of that pure-blood-supremacy nonsense from infantry on but now he was slowly beginning to understand just what a nonsense he had been made to believe. It was probably quite a hard lesson for him to learn.

Nevertheless, she was glad he had come to them for support (instead of running to his brother and therefore, irrevocably, to Dumbledore... call it mental, but she still failed to trust her former headmaster... probably due to too much bias on his part- she simply missed her penchant for different shades of grey in his black and white world.)

"Reg," she said, "before Lord V committed all those hideous crimes and split his soul in how-many-pieces whatever, he was handsome-looking fellow just like his father. But then he became Lord V, the tyrant, and I guess even your parents don't want to be ruled by a tyrant.

"Anyway, there's a big fat chance to stop him, so why don't we take it? Let's destroy his Horcrux- the one we know about for sure- and make him more... _vulnerable_..."

_thanks to my wonderful betas, Alabaster Princess and hypnotic ink._


	39. Fellowship of the Horcrux

39- Fellowship of the Horcrux

In the end, they agreed that the Horcrux had to be destroyed although they didn't know how. After all, the destruction of Horcruxes was not on Hogwarts' curriculum since the nature of Horcruxes in general was considered much too Dark to be taught to children.

The vast library of books on the Dark Arts at Regulus Black's place wasn't very supportive either because they didn't have the time to go and check them all. Most likely, they would merely find ways to create a Horcrux but not how to destroy one.

Nevertheless, Raven learned that it was possible to... _undo_ the process of creating a Horcrux with remorse. She mightily doubted, though, that Lord V would ever feel remorse about murdering people. She hadn't had the displeasure of meeting him in person yet; she could only judge him from what she had seen in Severus' memories and from what history told about tyrants. They simply didn't treasure human life... well, except for their very own...

Eventually, at some point during their argument of how to destroy the Horcrux, Severus gave to consider that they had to retrieve it first - and he mightily doubted they could simply go and take it; he reckoned the bewitched basin could alarm Voldemort if its contents varied in size or shape.

That's when Regulus came up with the idea of replacing the locket with a fake one.

Although that made sense to her, Raven groaned inwardly. "Great! And how do we get a fake locket? I don't even know what the real one looks like."

"But Salazar is wearing it in almost every portrait of him," Regulus drawled, sounding just a tad impatient. "I'm certain you must have noticed the one of him in our common room, haven't you?"

"Sure enough. It's that ape-like guy looking just like an aged King Louie."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Oh, I forgot you're not familiar with Muggle literature or cinema."

"There is Muggle... cin-ne-ma about Salazar Slytherin?"

Even Severus had to chuckle now, while Raven burst out with laughter, singing 'I wanna be like you-uh.'. Again, it was quite out of tune.

"Stop that!" He chided her before explaining to Regulus, "I guess she's referring to a Muggle flick called the Jungle Book, but never mind. She likes to be a bit silly sometimes."

"I know, however, that the pavement vendors in Knockturn Alley sell replicas of Slytherin's locket. But will these cheap copies suffice?"

"I don't think so," Regulus replied and shrugged. "It doesn't matter, though, since I happen to know a goblin who still owes me a favour."

"Aren't goblins quite greedy creatures who charge you a lot of Galleons, even if they owe you a favour?"

"Don't bother about that. Of all of our problems, money is definitely the least." Regulus said gloomily, wondering for the umpteenth time what he had gotten himself into. Why had he not simply _ordered_ Kreacher to get well? It would have been much easier than staking it all on one card and Apparating straight to their place. The friendship they shared was still an uneasy one, but now he had to trust Raven and Severus.

Severus, too, found it hard to trust his fellow Slytherin, the posh little heir of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black. Some years ago he would have considered it a stroke of luck that a pure-blood wizard was seeking his friendship- for whatever reason- but now he was much more suspicious. Blame it on Lucius Malfoy and his twisted sense of what he called friendship.

He briefly glanced at Raven- she was the one keeping their uneasy allegiance together and she seemed to be quite satisfied about the way it went, so he could only heave a sigh, trusting her judgement. At least for the moment.

-o-

One day later, they were gathering in her room again. Regulus presented an exact copy of Slytherin's locket to them while in the background the sound of T. Rex came blasting from the speakers of Raven's stereo; she was in a rather splendid mood today.

"So that's it," she said, holding the fake locket in her hand as she glanced at the two young wizards. "Let's do it then, eh?"

-o-

It was madness, Severus thought, to enter the Dark Lord's cave armed with only a few bottles of Coke. They weren't prepared; they didn't know what to expect. All they knew was what Kreacher had told them and he didn't like the prospect of having to rely on the strange magic of house-elves since no one had ever studied that properly.

It was much too easy- they didn't have to take the long way across the raging sea into the cave and them across the great black subterranean lake in a boat. Kreacher took them straight to the little island in the lake. It _was_ much too easy... there were supposed to be wards, traps... a price to pay for entering the cave. The Dark Lord wouldn't leave his cave unguarded.

But then again the Dark Lord was clearly underestimating the magic of house-elves, as Raven had pointed out. Voldemort had not expected Kreacher to survive so of course he wouldn't expect the elf to return, breaking through his wards...

Severus shuddered. The air in the cave was cold and damp, and there was a strange smell. It reminded him of decay... but there was also a distant hint of salt, more like a whiff from far away, and that was somewhat fresh and exciting. He wasn't familiar with it since Severus had never been at the sea before.

The darkness around them was dense and the only thing that broke the velvety blackness was an eerie greenish glow that came from a stone basin he recognized immediately. It was indeed the very same stone basin he had seen in the basement of Malfoy Manor.

He couldn't see any further, though. The cave seemed to be huge for he couldn't make out a beginning nor an end, and even the ceiling of the cavern was so high that it was out of sight.

Raven whispered a soft, "Lumos," and a light at the tip of her wand flared up; it reflected in the completely still water of the lake surrounding the small island of smooth dark rock they were standing on.

Kreacher was standing close to his master, hugging Regulus' knees. "Don't touch water," he hissed and his words echoed in the vastness of the cave.

"I certainly do not intend to," Regulus replied as he also used the Lumos spell to make the tip of his wand light up.

Still, the cave seemed to have neither beginning nor end. They were still surrounded by an almost unnatural darkness that made the misty greenish glow from the stone basin even more eerie.

Unlike Raven or Regulus, Severus was reluctant to approach it. Perhaps he just lacked their curiosity since he already knew what it contained- it was the potion he had created, and he was ashamed of it

"You can't even see or guess what's at the bottom," Raven mused, reaching out her fingers to touch the surface-

"Don't!" Severus barked. He grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the basin, much to her surprise.

"Well," she frowned at him, "it's not possible to touch it anyway. Apparently, one of us has to drink it."

"But not you!"

She gave him another frown and he was suddenly feeling so very very foolish that he was glad about the darkness covering his slightly flushed cheeks. What was wrong with him?

"Someone has to drink it, and I'm the only one who doesn't just tolerate Coke as an antidote; I'm loving it."

"Why doesn't Black just volunteer his loyal elf again?"

"You want that poor little ugliness to suffer through all of his pain once more?" Raven snapped."No way. I won't let it happen. Think again, Severus."

His mien was inscrutable; he knew he was responsible for creating that fatal poison and therefore he should be the one to drink it. But before he could act, a piercing shriek startled him and he stared in shock at the wailing house-elf.

"Noooo, Master Regulus! Not you! Not you! Let Kreacher drink poison, not Master Regulus. Oh no! Oh noooo! What will poor mistress say? Master Regulus is the sole heir of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black, let lowly half-breeds drink poison-"

Severus reacted immediately. He flung himself at Regulus so that the goblet he was holding in his hands slipped from his fingers and skittered across the smooth stone of the island- it would have crashed into the lake if not for Raven. She had the presence of mind to put her boot in the way of the skittering goblet and quickly picked it up.

"Boys," she growled, "let sleeping Inferi lie. There's no reason to fight over who's drinking that poison. We could all have our share of it-"

"No!" The _boys _replied in perfect unison. They gave up struggling with each other; Regulus glanced at Severus before he Summoned the goblet from Raven's hand to fill it again.

"I got you into this mess, so I will face the consequences," Regulus said resolutely. He thought that everything was his fault because he had joined the Dark Lord, because he had so foolishly believed in his propaganda of a better world without Muggles.

"You didn't get us into anything, Reg. We're friends, and it was _our_ decision to take the risk and try to defy Lord V. You don't have to be chivalrous now just because I'm a girl."

"You being a witch has nothing to do with it. Fact is, I'm the one who is replaceable. Snape is the potion genius and you need Kreacher to get you out of here."

"He's right," Severus agreed. Perhaps that sounded a bit callous but Regulus had summed it up quite correct and he was too... _Slytherin_ to fight the logic of his words.

Raven wanted to protest because she felt sorry for the boy. On the other hand, she didn't want Severus to drink the potion either; she couldn't even stand the idea of him having to suffer. And so she remained quiet, feeling miserable as she watched Regulus lift the goblet to his lips.

He drank. The first goblets full of poison went down smoothly, then his breathing became heavier and beads of perspiration were forming on his face.

"You alright?" Raven asked worriedly.

"No." Regulus had the nerve to grin at her but it looked more like a grimace. His face was twitching and his fingers were shaking; he almost lost grip of the goblet before he managed to refill it. "À votre santé."

"Smart ass! Do you really think now is the right time to show off with your knowledge of posh foreign languages?" She chided him gently.

Absent-mindedly, he downed another goblet full of poison, not reacting to her words. Then he started panting. "Can't... do this... anymore. Make... it... stop."

Raven glanced at Severus, begging him to do something, anything. He sadly shook his head.

"There's nothing you can do for him at this point. He has to go through all the stages of hypoglycaemia before you can administer the antidote- I fear if you try to do it now in order to soothe his pain, the basin will refill itself. Don't forget that we're dealing with the Dark Lord, a very cunning and powerful wizard."

"I know. I fucking know that." And yet it was so very frustrating. Apparently, Regulus was reliving influential childhood memories as well as some more recent events. It became obvious that he had seen torture and was disgusted by it. She didn't want to hear any of that.

"I... I don't want to..." Regulus moaned as his grip on the goblet slackened.

Immediately, Raven was at his side. She supported him when his knees buckled and she took the goblet from his trembling fingers.

"...so thirsty... water... please..."

Severus half expected Raven to cave in to Regulus' pitiful plea, and he prepared himself to interfere; it was absolutely necessary that the boy drank all the poison, otherwise they didn't stand a chance to empty the basin and grab the Horcrux.

But then Raven surprised him once again. Resolutely, she refilled the goblet. "Here you go. Have a drink."

She forced one more goblet full of poison down Regulus' throat, and then another. The boy's condition was becoming worse; he tried to protest, to struggle, but he was already too weak to put up much resistance. He screamed; the noise gave an eerie echo in the vastness of the cavern. His speech became even more incoherent as he started to hallucinate, seeing things that weren't there. He cried out his brother's name, mumbling that he wasn't a failure.

"You're not a failure," Raven said gently, caressing his cheek. Until that moment, Severus had been a bit baffled about her determination to reach the Horcrux and he released a breath he hadn't noticed he was holding.

The bottom of the basin was already visible now and so was the golden locket hidden there. Only one more goblet of poison for Regulus to drink, then she could take it and replace it.

The locket looked just like the fake one. Nothing about it indicated that it held one piece of Lord V's soul and was therefore a means to his destruction. There wasn't anything special about it.

What had she expected? That it would burn her fingers or chill her to the bones with its evilness? Nothing like that happened and yet she was glad when Severus took it from her hands to give it a closer examination.

"We have to get the boy out of here," she decided, given that Regulus was looking the worse for wear. They had to administer the antidote to him, soon. Therefore, she turned to Kreacher for help. "Take your master to a safe place and give him-"

"Lestrange!" Severus hissed as he snatched the bag with the bottles of Coke from her before Kreacher could get a hold on it. "You're much too idealistic for your own good. What if the little bugger doesn't return for us?"

"Oh!" Her reaction made it clear that she hadn't even considered that. "But Kreacher wouldn't let us down, would you, Kreacher?"

"No, dear Mistress Scum," the house elf replied in a slyly tone that made her hair stand on ends. Apparently it _had_ been his intention to take his master and run. But she doubted his intention was in accordance with Regulus wishes- too bad she couldn't ask the boy since he was in a severe state of delirium now.

"What are you waiting for?" Raven snarled. "Get your dear Master Regulus out of this place. You don't have to go far- just take him to the outside and then come back to fetch us and the antidote."

Kreacher flashed her a murderous glance but he obeyed nevertheless since he needed the antidote to stop his master's suffering.

For a moment, Raven and Severus were all alone in the cave. The silence was almost deafening now; it felt like the calm before a storm because it was too quiet. They were standing on a rocky island in the middle of a lake, glancing at each other, knowing that no matter how smooth the rocks were and despite the unnatural glassy surface of the lake that still bore no sight of any ripples, they should at least be hearing the gurgling sound of water splashing against stones. But there was none. There was no sound except for their own breathing, pounding like a wild drum in their ears.

Raven stepped closer to Severus, longing for his proximity. Gingerly, she reached out for him, eager to touch and feel the presence of a human being- when all of a sudden the glassy surface of the lake broke into a million of ripples and pale, white, dead hands rose from its depth.

The army of Inferi had come to life.

That very same moment, Kreacher returned with the loud '**pop**' that was typical for house-elf Apparition, bowing deeply. "Master Regulus wants Kreacher to fetch master's half-breed scum friends. Hurry now. Master Regulus is not feeling well."

"You go first!" Severus decided as he ushered Raven to an impatiently waiting house-elf and he shoved the bag with the antidote into her hands. "Go now!"

"No! Kreacher, can't you take-" before she could say '_both of us'_, the elf had already Apparated her away. She was sick with worries for Severus when she landed on a windy cliff overlooking the sea, knowing he was all alone with an army of Inferi. "Kreacher! Go back and get Severus out of the cave."

"Mistress Scum will heal Master Regulus first." Kreacher insisted.

"No, first you will go back for Severus."

The house-elf shot her a nasty glance. "Kreacher takes no orders from filthy half-breeds."

Raven knew there was no time to bargain with the stubborn elf. She could hear Regulus whimper in pain, and of course she wanted to save his life. But even more so she wanted to know that Severus was safe and sound. "If you want the filthy half-breed to heal your dear Master Regulus you had better obey Mistress Scum. Go. Now."

Muttering obscenities under his breath, Kreacher disappeared into thin air. Immediately, Raven hurried to where Regulus was lying on the ground; his face was deadly pale with a greyish hue. He was soaking wet with cold sweat, shaking all over and panting heavily.

"Shhh," she soothed him as she went down on her knees, opening a bottle of Coke. Carefully, she lifted his head and raised the bottle to his lips.

"Water..." he whispered, "… so thirsty... burning..."

"I know. Just drink and you'll be fine." Frantically, she looked around. Where was Severus? Why was it taking so fucking long for him to show up here? What if Kreacher had just disappeared; what if he had not gone back to the cave and helped Severus to escape? _But would Kreacher really abandon his master, leaving him in my care?_

Raven breathed a sigh of relief when- finally!- the house-elf returned with Severus.

"Master! Master! Is Master Regulus well?"

"Sev! You alright?" She dropped the bottle to check on her friend since she had spotted a nasty gash on his right cheek. Also, his robes were torn."What happened to you?"

"I'm fine. It's just a scratch-"

"Let me see." Raven grabbed his chin and made him turn his face. Due to having been at the receiving end of the Marauder's pranks for seven years, she had learned some simple healing spells and a little later the skin on his cheek was no longer marred.

Severus didn't seem to care. Instead of offering a word of gratitude, he frowned in Regulus' direction where Kreacher was fussing over the boy now. The house-elf had picked up the bottle of Coke and was helping his master to drink; it looked as though he was nursing an oversized infant.

"Is the... _antidote_ working on him?"

"Sure. Did you ever doubt that?"

"In fact, I did. I only ever tested it on rats before."

"Well, I never doubted you."

"You're an incorrigible idealist."

"I think I'm quite a realistic person.," Raven smiled at Severus, "I believed we could make it and we did, didn't we?" Then her smiled faded as she remembered the gash on his face. "What happened in the cave after I left?"

"The Inferi attacked. But like all creatures that dwell in cold and dark places, they fear light and warmth, so I managed to keep them at bay with a slight modification of _Incendio_ until Kreacher came for me. We got away just in time."

"Thank goodness! Do you think they will follow us up here?"

Severus shook his head in the negative. "No. I suppose they cannot leave the cave, simply because it was never the Dark Lord's intention to have them hunting for intruders; he relied on the might of his magic, believing it impossible for anyone to leave the cave..." He fell silent for a moment and a a surge of guilt welled up within him when he realized that it had been _he_ himself who had helped Voldemort to set up this dead-trap by creating a fatal and torturous poison.

"It's not your fault, Sev," Raven said quietly as she gently rubbed his arm. "After all, you came up with an antidote. You had no other choice but to obey Lord V's order and yet you defied him in your very own way."

_Oh she's such an insufferable idealist_, he thought, _always seeing the best in people who don't deserve it..._

"We shouldn't linger around here for any longer than necessary, though. Like I mentioned, Inferi prefer to dwell in darkness and the sun will be setting soon." Severus fell silent again, but now he wasn't brooding over anything dark and unpleasant. Instead, he seemed to take notice of their surroundings for the first time, and he stared in awe at the scenery before him.

They were standing on a cliff high above the sea. Several yards below them, the turf was crashing against some rocks, sending off white-glistening spray. As far as he could see, there was only water- an apparently endless vastness of water that seemed to hold promises of distant shores.

At the western horizon, the sun was just about to set. It almost looked as if it would drop into the sea, so low was it already, and its glow was painting the waves in a mesmerizing golden light.

"It's beautiful, ain't it?" Raven whispered after a while, and he turned to glance at her. She was now sitting at the edge of the cliff, smoking a cigarette. Her long black hair was flowing in the wind and he thought that _she_ was beautiful in this light, but then he quickly discarded that thought because it didn't seem to be... _appropriate_.

"We should leave before it gets dark." Severus simply replied.

-o-

"Let me see it." Regulus begged.

They were back home in London and the boy had recovered quickly after Kreacher had poured almost three bottles of Coke down his throat. Now he was lying on the sofa in Raven's room, still craving for more. Severus suspected that that wasn't for medical purpose alone- instead, the boy seemed to have taken a liking to that infernal Muggle drink.

All was well, so far. They had made it back to London without trouble, without having to fight an army of Inferi. All was well until Regulus Black asked to see the Horcrux and Severus was reluctant to hand it over.

"You know what it looks like."

"Please."

Severus pulled the locket out of the pocket of his robes and glanced at it without really seeing it. Instead, he saw a vision of himself- _he was older in that vision, clad in robes of the finest fabric; a distinguished man, a wizard of reputation, just like Lucius Malfoy. And Lily was at his side, beautiful Lily Evans with her flaming red hair and her sparkling emerald-green eyes, dressed in white as they were walking down the aisle... _the locket was calling to him, alluring him with promises... It would be so easy to just aim his wand at the bothersome Black whelp, and he had to fight the urge to do just that...

_Slytherin's locket is a Horcrux,_ he reminded himself, _it contains one part of the Dark Lord's soul-_ Severus slammed the locket down on the table in front of him, and as soon as he had parted with that damnable thing, he was beginning to see clearer.

_It manipulates us_, he recognized the very moment Regulus laid hands on it; a greedy expression was clouding his aristocratic features.

-o-

Regulus picked up the locket and observed it in fascination. So this was Salazar Slytherin's heirloom... _ Mother and father would be so proud if I brought it home..._

"Put it down." Snape hissed, but he was only envying him because he was just a lowly half-blood; he would never understand what it meant to be related to one of the oldest and purest families of the wizarding world-

_The Dark Lord is just a half-blood._

Regulus dismissed the ugly little voice in his head. The Dark Lord was the heir of Slytherin. He had the power to create Horcruxes; he was going to rule the wizarding world- and he, Regulus Black, would have his share in that. It would bring new reputation to his family since he was about to become a hot shot in the ranks of the fraternity; he would make it to a high position within the Ministry of Magic, and mayhap he would even become the youngest Minister of Magic ever. Then he could pardon his brother for allying with the enemy, the disbelievers of Dumbledore's Order of the Phoenix...

"Put it down," Snape repeated and this time the tone of his voice sounded much sharper than before; it snapped Regulus out of his train of thoughts.

"No! I won't give it to you." He replied defensively, clutching the locket so tightly in his hand that his palm hurt.

Perhaps it was the pain that made him realize he was acting like a berk, but the moment he put down the locket (still being on his guard against Snape) his own reaction startled him.

"Dear Merlin- did you feel that too?" He gasped.

"What precisely are you prattling about now?"

"The Horcrux, Snape. It's... it's evil."

"Obviously. After all, it contains one part of the Dark Lord's soul."

"I know. I just... well, I didn't expect it to be like that. It's just an object and yet it feels... _alive_."

"Alive?" Snape arched a sophisticated brow at him.

"Come on, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Don't tell me it didn't promise your wildest dreams to come true."

"No." Severus lied.

That moment, Raven entered the room.

-o-

"You alright, boys?" She asked in a cheerful tone as she loaded the table in front of them with paper bags emitting a delicious smell. Although Kreacher had volunteered to cook a meal so that is dear Master Regulus would regain his strength, she had insisted on making a quick stop-over at her favourite Chinese take-away.

The two young wizards glanced at her, then at each other as they wordlessly agreed about an unasked question. Severus nodded at Regulus, leaving it to him to broach the matter to her and- as expected- Black didn't hesitate to go like a bull at a gate. In that aspect, he was just like his obnoxious brother, albeit less annoying.

"We want you to take it," Regulus said as he fingered for the Horcrux, so carelessly buried under paper bags of Chinese food.

She frowned when he pushed it in her direction. "Why? I have no need for a piece of Lord V's soul."

"Exactly," Severus agreed, "and that's why we want you to be its keeper."

"Because you're the purest of us," Regulus added, which made Raven laugh out loud.

"I beg your pardon? Me and pure? Have you forgotten that I'm the one earning my money with table dance, presenting myself half naked in front of a lewd audience?"

"I didn't mean that kind of pure- at least not as in pure like a virgin."

"Thank Merlin," she deadpanned. "So what is your interpretation of the word?"

"I guess what our young friend here meant to insinuate is that you are less likely to be corrupted by the tempting powers of the Dark Lord's evil mind," Severus interjected.

"Oh," she smiled at him. It wasn't precisely what a girl wanted to hear from the boy she was in love with, but it came quite close to a compliment if she was ever to receive one. "Well... um, tuck in now. We still need to discuss what to do with the Horcrux."

Kreacher peeped up from beneath the table where he was lurking, always ready to defend his dear Master Regulus. Suspiciously, he eyed the food Raven had provided them with, taking a good sniff at the exotic scents that make his nose wrinkle is dismay.

"You not wants to eat that, Master Regulus? This is no good wizarding food- no, no. It smells of... _Muggles_." The house-elf sneezed to underline his dislike.

"I can assure you, dear Kreacher, that no Muggles was made mincemeat of to prepare our dinner- it's just the usual chicken, beef, pork and prawns combined with stir fried vegetables."

Kreacher didn't reply to that; he cast a desperate glance at Regulus and disappeared under the table once again. Nevertheless, he kept on watching his dear master as he was eating the disgusting Muggle food with gusto.

-o-

This was probably the best food Regulus had ever tasted. It was new, exotic and wonderful, and it seemed to open yet another door to the Muggle world for him.

He had been so very wrong about them. They weren't helpless and hopeless fools only because they couldn't do magic; instead, they had developed a magic of their own, which ran by exotic names such as television, electricity, motorcycles and lava lamps. Raven's place was so full of all those weird things that kept him watching, kept him being astonished.

And he realized that he actually liked this new world. Television was the most fascinating thing he had ever seen. The remote control was a lot of fun- all you had to do was to press a button and the picture on the screen would change.

He saw things he hadn't believed possible.

The world was a wonderful place, so full of exciting new influences. It would be a shame to get rid of them simply because they weren't of magic origin.

But that was what the Dark Lord wanted. He wanted to rid the world of all things Muggle, and he would stop at noting to achieve his aim. Regulus knew already that he excelled at torturing people and he didn't want to be part of it any longer.

But what to do about it?

It had been a foolish idea to believe it might actually change a bloody thing to retrieve the locket from the cave. As far as he was aware of it, they had just burdened themselves with an almost impossible quest. How were they to destroy the locket, the Horcrux? Information about Horcruxes was scarce, even though they were mentioned in shady literature. But there was no guide on how to destroy one.

-o-

Raven put down her chopsticks, feeling pleasantly stuffed with Chinese food. She sat back and lit a cigarette while reaching for her wine glass. After having taken a sip, she addressed the boys with what has been on her mind ever since they had returned from the cave.

"I take it we still don't know how to destroy that bloody thing?" She pointed at the Horcrux but refrained from touching it; it really seemed to emit a cloud of pure evil she sought to avoid if possible.

"You're damned right. I fear the only wizard who might know how to destroy it is Dumbledore." Regulus replied frustrated since he could almost hear Sirius mocking him, teasing him for being such a daft little idiot. Well, he knew that; there was no need for his dear brother to not let him hear the end of it.

"Ah, don't give Dumbledore too much credit. Yeah, he is famous for defying Gellert Grindelwald, one of the darkest wizards of our time, but he is so not the knight in shining armour everybody is seeing in him. I simply don't trust him."

"But Dumbledore is the only one the Dark Lord ever feared- what are we to do if we cannot trust him? How are we to destroy the Horcrux?"

"By putting our trust in someone who isn't as prejudiced as Dumbledore when it comes to Slytherins."

"And who may that be?" Regulus wondered aloud.

Raven exchanged a brief glance with Severus before she smiled and said, "Well, Professor Steel, of course."

_Thanks to Alabaster Princess and hypnotic ink_


	40. Far Far Away

Sorry for the long wait, life has been a mess with my Mum moving and other stuff and then I was on holidays :) Anyway, here's a long chapter for you. Enjoy reading and please review!

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, put this on alert or favoured it.

40- Far Far Away

Professor Steel was perhaps the most adequate teacher that had ever filled the position as Defence against the Dark Arts professor, Regulus remembered. Unlike all those that had preceded or succeeded her, she held no prejudices against Slytherin house in general; what she disliked were students that spoke without thinking or were slow on the uptake. And unlike all those so-called _professors_ sent by the Ministry, sworn to worship and preach the Light, the good side of magic, Steel wasn't totally opposed to the Dark Arts. He recalled her saying that if you want to fight the Dark, you have to know it.

'_You have to be aware of the ever-changing, everlasting nature of Evil. Don't close your eyes to the Dark. You don't have to embrace it, but it's a side of our life; a side of you that's within everyone of us; just like the light.'_

_Needless to say, some Gryffindors complained about her statement, saying that it was up to you to choose the right side. She had given them a shrewd, slightly mocking glance before talking about the Chinese philosophy of Yin and Yang that had to be in balance._

It wasn't until now that Regulus seemed to grasp the meaning of her words. There would always be the Dark just as well as there would always be the Light, and although he was definitely tainted by darkness, all was not lost. There was still hope if he could restore the balance.

So he glanced at Raven, who had become the figurehead of his... _rebellion_ against all the things his family held dear. On the other hand, his parents didn't quite agree to everything the Dark Lord was doing either. He heaved a sigh, hoping his parents would still hold _him_ dear after all was said and done. But he had already made his choice.

"If I recall correctly, Professor Steel lives in the United Wizarding States of America?"

"Yep."

Well, that was just another obstacle. "We can't get there without raising suspicion."

Raven arched a curious brow at him and he continued. " The Dark Lord has people in high places at the Ministry. Portkey and Floo travel are being monitored- we cannot leave the country without his knowledge."

"Oh, but we can." Raven flashed him a sweet smile. Apparently, she had a plan, even if she didn't deign to fill him in. Severus, however, seemed to have figured her out already because he was rolling his eyes.

Regulus wasn't certain if he would like that plan of hers.

-o-

It wasn't until the next morning, though, that she put her cards on the table. Regulus had slept well in his makeshift bed in the kitchen of their flat and was enjoying a cup of tea in companionable silence with Severus when Raven entered, having been up early to do whatever.

In a gesture of unconcealed triumph she placed three slips of paper on the table, stating that they would get them to America unnoticed.

Totally flabbergasted, Regulus picked up the one that had his name on. _Mr Regulus Black,_ it read and _ flight BA 1516 from LHR to JFK. _He arched an inquiring brow at Raven.

"What's that?"

"Obviously, it's a plane ticket," Severus answered in her stead, and he groaned inwardly since he had almost expected her to get them to America the Muggle way. He wasn't thrilled.

"A plain ticket?" Regulus eyed the slip of paper. Well, it was quite plain indeed. Except for the paper, that looked... different. Not like parchment at all. "Is that Muggle paper?"

"Yep." Raven answered.

"And that Muggle paper will take us to America?"

_His ignorance is so cute_, Raven thought as she handed Regulus a plastic bag. "Hurry up and put these on. We have to leave for the airport."

Airport? Regulus knew only Portkeys and he eyed the plastic bag suspiciously. It contained a pair of jeans and a plain black t-shirt. Muggle clothes. His parents would disinherit him should they ever see him wearing such clothes.

After a short moment of reluctance, he retreated to bathroom and changed his robes for the Muggle clothes.

Sceptically, he glanced at his reflection in the mirror and almost thought he saw Sirius grinning at him; now he looked just as rebellious as his brother. decided he looked rebellious.

Kreacher started wailing when his master returned. "Oh no! Oh noooo! Master Regulus, what have you done. Oh no! Poor Mistress will faint and have migraine when she sees you, dressed just like that ungrateful offspring of hers that is not to mention. Poor Mistress will think you also want to besmirch the honour of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black. Oooooh, this is all Mistress Scum her fault."

"Yep," Raven agreed, taking pride in it because Regulus looked quite dashing in Muggle clothes. It also made her proud that she had managed to pick the correct size for him.

Severus, however, didn't like at all how she glanced at the whelp. But he didn't know why he even bothered.

"Alright," she sounded back to business now as she told Regulus to say goodbye to Kreacher since they couldn't possibly take a house-elf on a Muggle aircraft. On the other hand, they couldn't send him back to the Black's home at Grimmauld Place either. His poor dear Mistress would want to know the whereabouts of her dear son and Raven couldn't risk Kreacher telling her if their trip to America was still to be a secretive one. Although she liked house-elves in general and had even grown fond of that spiteful little beastie, she didn't trust Kreacher as far as she could throw him.

-o-

In the end it was decided that Kreacher had to stay at Severus' and Raven's place, and Regulus gave him the strict order to not leave it until he returned. Slightly crestfallen, the elf glanced at his master.

"But who will take good care of Master Regulus whist he is gone in foreign, hostile Muggle land?" He piped up.

"All will be fine," Regulus assured him. He was on his knees, at eye-level with the house-elf. "And don't you fear about the honour of the House of Black, my faithful friend. I'm going on this journey to put it back into perspective."

Kreacher kissed him master's hands and muttered something that neither Raven nor Severus could hear, but Regulus smiled and patted the elf's head affectionately. Then, Kreacher scurried to clean up the kitchen.

-o-

They took the tube to Heathrow airport, which was another totally new experience for Regulus. Actually, it was a mess. The trains were crowded and the noise level seemed to befuddle his senses. He hadn't known that there were that many Muggles.

He wished for some more space, but when his hand instinctively reached for his wand, Severus grabbed his arm in a vice-like grip and hissed, "Stop that, foolish boy. You don't want to break the Statute of Secrecy, do you?"

Now he really felt like a fool.

Raven smiled at him. "Relax," she said, but it didn't sound as if she was relaxed and her smile didn't reach her eyes. She seemed to be uncomfortable about something.

"You alright?"

She didn't reply and so Regulus kept looking around. There were Muggles that were dressed in neat suits while others (mostly younger Muggles) had a more casual appearance and were clad in a similar style to what he was wearing. Then there were some that looked rather ragged. Their jeans were torn or patched together with safety pins. Were those Muggles so poor they couldn't afford new clothes? Didn't they have charity events in the Muggle world? His mother always hosted charity events to raise money for impoverished pure-blood families or orphans. And why did some of them have so strangely coloured hair?

He saw a guy with dark green hair in a very peculiar style. The sides of his head were bald while his remaining hair stood up from his scalp in a strip reaching from his forehead to the nape of his neck.

Regulus couldn't help but stare at the guy, wondering if he was perhaps a Metamorphmagus- Sirius had told him that their cousin Andromeda (who had been blasted off the family tree for marrying a Muggleborn wizard) had given birth to a baby girl who was a Metamorphmagus and kept on changing her hair colour according to her moods. But that guy was decidedly a Muggle. _Are there Metamorphmuggles?_ .

He flinched when Raven elbowed him. "Stop gawking! It's rude to stare at people."

"His hair's so... weird."

"It's called Mohawk hairstyle," she informed him, rolling her eyes at so much ignorance. "And it's quite popular with the punk rock subculture."

"Subculture..." he mulled the word over. "Because of the underground train?"

His question almost caused Severus to laugh out loud; but he managed to keep his cool and gave Regulus a glance that really made him feel like a stupid little boy.

And the Muggle world didn't cease to amaze him. They had to change for the Piccadilly Line at Green Park, and while they were waiting for the train to Heathrow airport, Regulus realized that there was more than one underground train line running below the surface of Muggle London.

All of a sudden he was wondering if it was safe to travel this way. After all, there were houses above them, and streets that were crowded with noisy stinking vehicles, called motorcars and motorcycles. Could these many underground tunnels really carry the weight of the Muggle world above them if Muggles weren't capable of using magic?

He remembered that father and his friends had often made snide remarks about Muggle transportation, claiming that it wasn't safe. That pride goes before a fall, and didn't it happen that their metal birds came crashing down? _What were they called? Ah, yes- _Aeroplanes. _Hadn't Raven mentioned they would get on a... _plane_?_ _Could she have possibly meant such an aeroplane? _Recalling that, he began to panic. _Wouldn't it be much safer to take the risk of their trip being monitored but arrive in one piece at their final destination?_

Regulus didn't dare to voice his concern, though. Raven and Severus shouldn't think he was a coward and they didn't seem to be worried about their chosen means of transport. Well, at least Raven wasn't. Severus might be a tad nervous, but even that was hard to tell since there was simply no way of reading Severus Snape if he didn't give you the explicit permission; he really was extremely difficult to figure out.

"Stop fretting!" Raven elbowed him again when they disembarked the tube at Heathrow Airport and made their way through a huge hall, crowded with Muggles coming and going, and they all seemed to be in a hurry.

Despite the hectic mess all around them, Raven steered them safely through it and to the check-in counter where she used a subtle Confundus Charm to make them believe that Regulus Black did actually have a valid passport.

-o-

The large metal bird looked imposing. It couldn't possibly fly without magic.

On the other hand, there were more than just the one aeroplane they were going to board. Regulus stared out of the window and saw many of them; some were landing while others were taking off . There was even a certain... _grace_ to it.

And Regulus was fascinated. Once again he realized what a fool he had been to believe in the Dark Lord's propaganda; that he had believed it would be easy to enslave the Muggles; that they _wanted_ to be the slaves of wizards because they had no magic. But people who were capable of creating such massive metal birds were definitely not inferior; they weren't helpless and desperate and barely able to survive without magic. It was all a big, big lie and he had been wrong about so many things

Disgust welled up within him, the bitter taste of bile on his tongue. He had watched Muggles and Muggleborns die at the hands of Death Eaters, and although he himself hadn't participated in any slaughter or torture, he felt as if there was blood on his hands, too. Because he hadn't done anything to stop them.

He glanced at Severus, wondering what he had experienced while enjoying the dubious hospitality of the Dark Lord. Even if he hadn't sold his soul to him, yet. But was there a way to back out? A polite, 'thank you, I'm not interested,' wouldn't do- that much for sure. Once you were in the Dark Lord's grip there was no return.

Their only chance was to find and destroy his Horcruxes. A task almost too big for three teenagers.

Again he pondered if perhaps they should have turned to Dumbledore for support, instead of going on a trip to America the Muggle way.

His stomach seemed to drop when the engines of the metal bird started to roar. Dear Merlin, what a sound. It seemed to set his teeth on edge and he briefly wondered if he would be able to remember the security instruction in case of an accident... or would it be safer to simply Disapparate?

But then the plane took off, and Regulus felt a strange jolt of excitement rushing through him. Only a little later a had forgotten all his worries and was already flirting with the stewardess, a pretty young Muggle woman by the name of Betty who was serving drinks and a plain meal to the passengers.

Wasn't that amazing? You didn't get anything to eat or drink when you were using a Portkey!

Well, but a Portkey travel didn't take long, though.

After almost an hour had passed, Regulus thought it a good idea to address Raven. "How long did you say will it take us to get to America?"

Yawning, she replied, "'bout eight hours."

"Ah." His face fell. Eight hours? Never mind the free meal and drinks, but Portkey travel was decidedly faster. Muggles seemed to have a lot of time on their hands.

-o-

Two hours later, Regulus got a little bored. Raven had fallen asleep, her head resting comfortably on Severus' shoulder, while Severus himself was brooding over... whatever.

So Regulus decided to used the opportunity to broach a topic he couldn't help wondering about.

"How comes you're not an item?"

Severus shot him a perplexed and slightly annoyed glance; he really didn't know what the other was talking about. "I beg your pardon?"

"I'm talking about you and lovely Miss Lestrange. Why aren't you together?"

Severus decided not to answer such an absurd question but Black kept on pestering him.

"Come on, I saw you snogging at the graduation ball."

"That was just-" Severus held his tongue before he could blurt out '_for academic purpose'_, because that would have meant to admit his lack of experience when it came to snogging. Blood rushed to his cheeks when he recalled the situation, so he lowered his head and let his hair curtain his face. Regulus was not to see him blush. It had been one of the best moments in his life and yet so very wrong.

"Why don't you just mind your own business?" He replied in a waspish tone.

"Don't tell me she's not hot."

"Raven is my friend."

"And she's pretty."

"Indeed, but I am not like your brother who can't keep his... wand to himself. I don't feel the need to sleep with every pretty witch that comes my way."

"Ah, so you've noticed that she's pretty."

"I never questioned that. Raven is an attractive, intelligent witch."

"So why don't you-?"

"Black!" Severus growled threateningly, but the boy had the nerve to smile at him.

"We're friends now, Severus, so you may as well use my first name."

"Just mind your own business, _Regulus._"

Regulus, however, didn't give in. "Is it because of Evans? I know you had a crush on her-"

"Keep Lily out of this!"

"You still fancy her? Blimey! Even after she chose Potter of all people over you? You must be kidding. And I almost thought you were decent."

Severus turned to scowl dangerously at him; his hand even reached for his wand. But then he thought better of using his wand in a plane crowded with Muggles, some thousand feet above a vast ocean. Instead he snarled. "Do you have problems with her being Muggleborn?"

"No, not at all," Regulus replied and it sounded honest. "I only have problems with you being a fool. Forget about Evans, Severus. She's not the right witch for you-"

"Ah, but you've come to know me well enough to decide who's the right witch for me?" Severus cut in in a tone that was dripping with sarcasm. "Do I owe that to the typical arrogance of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black?"

Regulus shook his head no and sighed. This was getting more difficult than he had expected, but he refused to give in now. "I... you know, Severus, there are three types of girls- or witches. There are sluts; girls that fuck everyone for their own advantage. May it be for fortune or a dubious reputation. Then there are the prudish ones who won't let you get into their knickers unless you present them with a big fat sparkling wedding ring. They are the perfect trophy wives. Stunningly beautiful and socially accepted, but at night they'll leave you hang out dry and sexually frustrated because a shag will ruin their hairstyle. Actually, they don't like much to have sex at all and so they use your desire to blackmail you into all sorts of stupid promises-"

"Interesting," Severus retorted, obviously bored.

Regulus continued, "and then there are those girls who love with their hearts, souls and bodies. Admittedly, they are hard to find-"

"Speaking of your own experience now?"

"Perhaps-"

"Please spare me the details."

"Oh, it was never my intention to talk about my relationships," Regulus grinned, hiding his thoughts about a girl he had loved and lost. A couple of days ago, Severus had complained that his face being like an open book and that he couldn't Occlude his mind, but that wasn't quite true. Regulus Black had long learned that it was always easier to hide behind a cheerful expression, and so he smiled again. "I'm worrying about yours."

"There's nothing to worry about."

"Exactly. Nothing. Because you are an idiot. You're too blind to see that Raven is in love with you."

-o-

It took Severus a moment to fully grasp what the boy had just said. But even after mulling his words over and over again, they didn't seem to make much sense. Raven was in love with him? No, that couldn't be. Black must have said it in jest, trying to make a fool of him. Perhaps the posh little pure-blood was already cheering inwardly about his stunned reaction, looking for the glimmer of hope to light up his eyes so that he could shatter it with a taunting laugh... because he, unattractive as he was, dared to believe the whelp spoke the truth. But he refused to give him that triumph and so he merely cocked a sophisticated brow at the whelp. Severus knew well enough that pretty witches didn't just fell in love with him.

On the other hand, hadn't Edie shown quite an interest in him once? They had kissed, and although it had been nothing in comparison to the way Raven had kissed him at the graduation ball, it had been quite a pleasant experience. Well, at least for him. Apparently not for Edie, though, because she had never made another attempt to kiss him..

He turned his head to glance at Raven. She had nestled her head in the crook of his shoulder and was snoring peacefully.

They were friends- best friends. Nothing more and nothing less. He was happy with that. Her unwavering friendship made him happy, and he wouldn't ruin another friendship by developing feelings that were neither appropriated nor requited... and yet, his heart seemed to make a jolt at the sight of her, sleeping so comfortably next to him...

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to land at New York JFK International airport. Please make sure your seats are in an upright position," an impersonal voice from the speakers interrupted his thoughts.

-o-

Raven stirred; she woke with a yawn and still felt strangely exhausted despite her having slept through almost the whole flight. Groggily she raised her head to see if the boys had managed to not kill each other in the meantime. She knew it would take a while for Severus to become friends with Regulus and that the boy could be as annoying as his brother, though in a more charming way.

Clandestinely she looked at Severus, who gave her an odd glance face. Her heart fell. All of a sudden she felt like a fool, hoping he would ever come to love her. She had to remind herself that she was not Lily Evans, the pretty and popular Head Girl.

The thought dragged her down, mentally as well as physically. Raven actually had to ask for Severus' assistance when it came to steering Regulus through the customs, simply because she didn't trust her magical abilities enough to Confound the Muggle customs officers all on her own.

-o-

In the end, all went well. They made it through the customs without raising suspicion and used Muggle public transport to get to Manhattan, where the very heart of New York's social and commercial wizarding life was situated. Raven wanted to use an unobtrusive owl from the post office to inform Professor Steel of their arrival in the United Wizarding States, and besides, she didn't know the precise whereabouts of the Auror. She only knew that she was working at Auror headquarters of the Western Ministry of Magic in Los Angeles, but that was too vague an idea to even think about making a trip across a county that was so many times bigger than Europe.

They left the subway at 81 Street. Regulus was gaping again, this time at the skyline in the distance. The buildings were as tall as towers reaching high up in the sky, and there were so many of them as if it was a forest made of stone.

"Stop gaping," Raven chided him with the help of her elbow. She urged him to move on and they walked around the Museum of National History to a telephone booth that seemed to be broken, but when you dialled 62442, MAGIC, an elevator took you downwards.

Just like Diagon Alley in London, the centre of New York's wizarding commerce was hidden well from the sight of Muggles. That, however, was the only thing these two places had in common. Unlike Diagon Alley, the _Magical Manhattan Mall _was underground and huge in size, since it was just as large as the Central Park above of them. A magically enchanted ceiling- similar to the one at Hogwarts- presented a clear blue sunny sky (even if it was raining outside) and the temperature was also magically controlled to a degree that most people found pleasurable.

There were more elevators like the one Raven, Severus and Regulus had used, all disguised as broken telephone booths and warded with Anti-Muggle precautions so that they would just not perceive them. Also, there were rows of fireplaces from where witches and wizards continuously stepped into the underground shopping mall or left; it seemed to be a never-ending flow of magical customers.

Many of them- especially the elder ones- were dressed in traditional wizarding robes. The younger magical folks, however, seemed to prefer the more casual Muggle fashion of these days, and so Raven, Severus and Regulus didn't stand out in the crowd as much as they would have in Diagon Alley.

The shops in the _Magical Manhattan Mall _were selling almost the same items as those in Diagon Alley. You could buy cauldrons, wands, robes and other wizarding wear, potion ingredients, wizarding candy, magical joke products or beasts, books and stationery. The difference was the sheer amount of shops. There were at least four apothecaries advertising the freshness of their products in bold sparkling letters, apparently the magical equivalence to Muggle neon lights.

Also, the shops were much larger and more modern, even if they still looked slightly old-fashioned in comparison to the Muggle world of New York, only a few yards above of the _Magical Manhattan Mall_. On the other hand, there were a few shops selling quite fashionable clothes for young wizards and witches- _if you considered the late 60's the height of fashion_, Raven thought at the sight of batik-dyed shirts, and she noticed that many magical youngsters here were dressed in flower-power style, wearing long hair adorned with flowers.

At least they didn't look quite as pathetic as British wizards and witches trying to dress up as Muggles, and even the music coming from some of the shops was late 60's/early 70's-

_'...if you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair...'_

Although Raven chuckled silently about the hippies, she didn't feel any real amusement as she walked on. Next, they passed New York's branch of Gringotts, which appeared to be the exact replica of its main office in London, made of snowy-white marble with bronze doors. It just didn't tower over the other shops like it did in Diagon Alley; instead it looked like a relict from long forgotten times in midst of the flashing and sparkling, magically illuminated advertising of the _Manhattan Mall_.

On their way through the mall, they also passed a number of bars and restaurants, ice cream parlours, snack bars, hotels and guest-houses. There simply was everything for everybody, ranging from expensive to low-budget.

Although Raven loved to go shopping, there was no time to waste now. Almost hastily she led her friends through the crowd, heading for the post office; she knew where it was since she had been to the _Magical Manhattan Mall_ when visiting her parents.

Severus stopped for a moment to glance at the display of an antiquarian book shop. Raven reacted unusually irritated.

"Snape!" She hissed rather waspishly. "Don't dally. We're not here to buy bloody books."

-o-

He shot her a perplexed glance. What was that? She never called him 'Snape'. But what had he expected anyway? That she suddenly declared her undying love for him?

Usually, Severus knew when someone was trying to take the piss out of him and he should have known better than to trust a Black. He had watched her closely ever since the damned whelp had stated that Raven was in love with him. What a bullshit! Of course she wasn't in love with him. And at the moment, she was giving him the cold shoulder for whatever reason.

So Black had tried to fool him. Perhaps a tiny bit of wishful thinking on his own part had been supportive, but in the end it was idiotic of him to believe that a pretty witch like Raven could possibly fall for him. Why did he care anyway? After all, _he_ wasn't in love with _her _either. They were just friends. That was all. He loved Lily.

_And yet_... the naughty little voice inside his head whispered, reminding him of moments they had been close and his body had reacted to hers, and it reminded him of the kiss they had shared at the graduation ball... it was a memory that still sent a pleasant shudder down his spine and into his- no, he had to exercise more control over his... needs...

Raven was not in love with him and he was not in love with her; it was as simple as that. Black was a liar just like his brother, but Severus wouldn't let either of them mess about with him.

-o-

Finally, they reached the post office. Raven scribbled down a note and sent it by owl post to Professor Steel, telling her vaguely that they needed her help in a delicate matter. Then the friends walked back down the main road but soon turned left into a small alley.

There, the sparkling of magical neon lights ended. The atmosphere became slightly darker and reminded them of Knockturn Alley; the same shady sort of people was crowding the streets. Hags and whores, warlocks and wanna-be dark wizards were looking for an adventure.

The houses in that area were crooked and old, some even derelict with broken windows and paint peeling off the walls. It was the eldest part of wizarding New York, founded in the late 18th century.

The _Asphodel Root Guesthouse_- where they would be staying to wait for Steel's reply- was one of those crooked houses that stood in stark contrast to the rest of the Magical Manhattan Mall, although it used to be one of its finest buildings At the dawn of the 19th century it was _**the **_place for young wizards or witches on their Grand Tour, but since that habit came out of fashion in the 20th century, the _Asphodel Root Guesthouse_ lost most of its former grandeur. Now it was just a shabby and rotten place like many others in that alley, still holding the odour of great times but nowadays it was mingled with the scent of filth.

It was just that sort of place where nobody would ask questions if they checked out again after only a few hours. Nobody would give a damn. Just like nobody would give a damn about the history of that building, Raven thought as she opted against giving the boys a lecture in history. They didn't care anyway- after all, she was the only history geek around.

A freak. Always on a balancing act between two worlds but never belonging to any of them. All of a sudden she became painfully aware of the fact that she wasn't as pure-blooded as Regulus Black; not as popular and pretty as Lily Evans; not as brilliant a mind as Severus

She was just a punk. An outcast, shunned by her peers. She was the _Fat Crow_- the feeling of rejection hit her like a bolt out of the blue, and yet that feeling was not unfamiliar. She would always be like this; unpopular, unwanted... _unlovable._ Always only second best. How could she have hoped to ever push Lily Evans off her pedestal that Severus had so unwaveringly built for her, praising her to the skies. Severus would never come to love her because she just wasn't Lily. Where Lily had virtues, she only had flaws.

_Merlin, I'm so stupid_, Raven thought, feeling small and and vulnerable; without any hope left. It almost made her want to weep. On the other hand, she didn't want to lower her guards; didn't want to show weakness. Not in front of the boys. Not here and now...

o-

Regulus wrinkled his nose when it became obvious that Raven wanted them to stay at the _Asphodel Root Guesthouse_ since the place didn't look very inviting. In spite of its historic background, he was used to more high-end accommodations.

"Stop pulling such a face, you posh little pure-blood brat!" Raven chided him harshly as she turned to glare at him. "I'd also prefer to stay at the Ritz-Carlton, but unfortunately they don't welcome owls there-"

"Ritz who?" Regulus possessed the nerve to ask, ignoring the tone of her voice as well as her infuriated glare. Perhaps one developed such an indifference to danger when one grew up being the younger brother of Sirius Black.

"Do not distract," she snarled, thinking about the comforts of room-service, king-size beds and clean bathrooms- something that the _Asphodel Root Guesthouse_ definitely lacked in. As she took a look around, she shook her head and sighed to herself, 'never mind.' Then she glanced at Regulus again, reminding him that they hadn't made the long way across the ocean to enjoy the pleasantries of Muggle high-end accommodations; they were in New York to wait for Professor Steel's reply.

"Besides," she added, "no one's asking questions here."

"Definitely not," Regulus grinned at her and pointed, with a nod of his head, in the direction of the neighbouring room, where some strangers were obviously having fun, "there's no _need_ to ask any questions."

Raven blushed ever so slightly and so did Severus.

-o-

Fortunately, they didn't have to wait too long. A mere two hours after Raven had posted her request, an owl brought the reply from Professor Steel.

The letter contained only a short message; it read: '_This is a Portkey. It activates exactly 5 minutes after uncoiling the parchment.'_

The youngsters were excited. They couldn't wait to leave the _Asphodel Root Guesthouse_ behind since the past two hours hadn't been pleasant at all; the tension between the three of them had been growing steadily. Especially Raven seemed to be unusually wound tight.

They all took hold of the parchment and only a little later they came face to face with Professor Steel again.

The Auror hadn't changed much. She still looked like a female version of Mad-Eye Moody, wearing her scars with pride and her silvery-grey hair short. Her voice sounded as if she gargled with barbed wire; it was rough and hoarse and yet powerful.

"Freeze!" She bellowed as soon as the friends appeared in what looked like a living room, but they couldn't take a thorough look around since they found themselves incapable of moving at all. Meanwhile, Professor Steel scanned them from head to toe with keen, vigilant eyes. "Miss Lestrange, pleased to meet you. What were you wearing when we first met at Hogwarts?"

Naturally, an Auror of Alice Steel's reputation wouldn't let just any random visitor enter her house. As a matter of course, she would ask a question like this to make sure that the person in front of her was indeed the person she knew and not his or her impersonator. '_Constant vigilance_' wasn't only Auror Moody's catchphrase but also hers, and perhaps there were only two kind of Aurors anyway: those who had internalised that phrase and lived it every moment of their life- and dead ones...

Raven tried to always remember that (if she'd ever get the chance of being accepted into Auror training) as she replied- and contrarily to being caught in a Full Body-Bind, she was able to reply indeed. "I was wearing my beloved star-spangled platform boots. Ol' Sluggy... um, I mean... _Professor Slughorn... _seemed to find them quite offending..."

She fell silent when nothing in Professor Steel's face gave away the slightest hint whether her answer was satisfying or not; instead, the Auror was addressing Severus next. "Mr Snape, what did you want to learn and where did we meet for that purpose?"

"Wandless magic in the Room of Requirement," Severus replied coolly.

Again, Professor Steel didn't show any emotional response. But then she arched a quizzical brow at Regulus. "Mr Black. Now that is quite a surprise. What brings you here? All good things come in threes?"

"Um, Ma'am... it's about the Horcruxes!"

Severus groaned inwardly. A more strategic and sensible approach would have been to ask a question in return to see if Professor Steel was indeed herself and not someone impersonating her. But apparently the witch in front of them was really their former Defence against the Dark Arts teacher because she released the spell on the friends and didn't transfigure into an angry Dark Lord who had figured out their betrayal.

"What do you youngsters know about Horcruxes?" Professor Steel sounded astounded but also a little shocked and sad. "Kids of your age should worry about the next date and not have to deal with something that dark and sinister."

"Alas, the Dark didn't come knocking at our door, asking if the moment was opportune."

"Ah, as sardonic as ever, Mr Snape? Of course, I know that- don't think me a fool. I know what's going on at your side of the magical world. But please forgive an old hag her sentimentalities, wishing you kids to grow up in more peaceful times.

"Now, sit down and tell me the reason of your unexpected visit."

It was Regulus who finally spoke, blaming it all on him. He had joined the Dark Lord's ranks before he'd even finished school; he had believed in Voldemort's pure blood propaganda for he had been raised with the very same belief- that wizards were superior to Muggles because they could do magic. He had been stupid, believing that Muggles would just agree to that. Of course he'd been wrong, terribly wrong. And so very, very foolish to expect the Dark Lord's rise to tyranny would go without murder and torture...

"Come to the point, Black!" Severus interrupted the younger wizard's litany of self-accusation. "Stop wallowing in your own misery and tell Professor Steel about the Horcruxes."

Regulus recalled how the Dark Lord had been boasting with his power and his immortality, and so he told it all. Professor Steel listened with interest.

"May I see the item in question?" She asked after Regulus finished telling his tale. The boys glanced expectantly at Raven who had been unusually quiet.

"Raven, please hand the locket to Professor Steel." Severus nudged her gently to ascertain she hadn't fallen asleep in the meantime. They were all tired; it had been a long day.

Wearily, Raven reached for the chain around her neck and pulled until the locket emerged from beneath her shirt.

"Merlin!" Professor Steel gasped. "Now I know why you appeared so... _distracted_ to me. Dear, did you wear that awful thing all the way since London?"

Raven merely nodded, feeling tired and disillusioned beyond control.

"Hand it over, dear girl. You'll feel better then."

All of a sudden, Raven raised her head in alarm. "You want to steal it from me?" Her own voice sounded strange to her, almost shrilly. Nevertheless, she obeyed- or, to be more precise, she didn't fight Severus when he offered his assistance and helped her to pull the chain over her head. Something inside her screamed; it was a loud, piercing shriek that mourned the loss of her precious locket. At the same time, it felt as if a great weight had been lifted off her shoulders and, being capable to think more clearly again, she wondered why she had been averse to part with it voluntarily.

"It's the Horcrux' bad influence," Steel replied as though she could read her thoughts.

The boys were a tad baffled, especially Regulus. "You mean, Raven could feel it, too?"

"Of course, you stupid kids. Did you actually believe something as dark and evil wouldn't try to corrupt her? Fortunately this lass is as stubborn as a mule and therefore not that easy to corrupt. And yet, it took its toll on her."

"Sorry, Raven." Regulus offered, sounding sheepish.

"Never mind." She winked his worries away and glanced at Professor Steel. "So we were right and this really is a Horcrux?"

"It is." The Auror performed a series of spells before she nodded in the affirmative. "Bloody hell! You're holding the key to Voldemort's destruction in your hands and you couldn't think of anyone else to run to but me? Isn't there any opposition against Voldemort in wizarding Britain ?"

"Dumbledore and his Order of the Phoenix," Raven replied. She was feeling better, more positive, with every minute since she had parted with the Horcrux. "Alas, he's only leading lambs to slaughter in a fight he could not win. There are others, though, who don't seem to mind being lambs for the greater good."

"Ah, but that's the nature of every clandestine organisation. They are recruited from among the dedicated with romantic ideas of heroism-"

"Gryffindors." Severus said with a hint of contempt in his tone.

"Well, let's say all those who treasure courage and devotion more than coolly calculated strategies."

"So... Gryffindors."

Professor Steel smirked. Yes, most likely the recruits of Dumbledore's Order were from his favoured house and perhaps that was the flaw of his plan for it needed more than devotion and heroism if you wanted to defy someone like Lord Voldemort. Who was neither just a misled black sheep, nor was he just a mad megalomaniac. It wasn't as easy as that. From what she knew about Tom Riddle- and little did she know of Hogwarts former star pupil since Dumbledore preferred to not give away too much information- he was a very intelligent student (the brightest of his year) and he had the cunning of a Slytherin.

To Alice Steel, cunning was not per se a negative term. To her, it described the ability of a person to give things a different approach even if that was often rather selfish. Well, you had to be quite selfish to last that long as an Auror, so that idea wasn't unfamiliar to her. There was no use in sacrificing yourself if there were so many more things you could do by simply staying alive... instead of jumping headlong into any danger that comes your way.

So in her opinion, those kids in front of her had done just right. They had come to her, were trusting her more than they trusted Dumbledore and his preoccupation against Slytherins, simply because he had misjudged Tom Riddle. And now, he was sending young wizards and witches into a war against what was his greatest folly- well, next to hesitating for too long before he'd set out to defy Grindelwald...

"So, is there a way to destroy Horcruxes?"

Regulus Black's question interrupted her thoughts. She flashed him a smile, for a moment being reminded of his elder brother (who'd been the pest of her classes, along with his prodigious sidekick and partner in crime, James Potter.) But where Sirius was self-righteous to the fullest, the younger Black seemed to be more earnest despite his rashness. Of course, he wanted to know. That boy had been lead astray by old traditions still alive in his family but- realizing that and recognizing the errors of his ways- he had made a full turn around in order to remedy his wrongs.

She appreciated that more than any stubborn self-righteousness, for there was so much more bravery in admitting one's faults instead of always being right.

"Little is known about the _destruction_ of Horcruxes. Most tales just tell us how they were made undone- by remorse."

"Unlikely, in Lord V's case." Raven deadpanned

"I agree- "

"But there must be a way to destroy them." Severus interjected. "You told us that the Dark Arts are the most imaginative branch of wizardry and witchcraft because it challenges you to fight something that is as unfixed, mutating and just as ever-changing as evil itself. And you spoke about balance."

"Indeed. And I am very proud that you seem to have memorized my first lesson very well, Mr Snape. Now, let me tell you that every evil has its counterpart in the world of light and that I once met a shaman who claimed that a _captured soul could be released_- his words, not mine- with the help of Basilisk venom. Whereas an old Asian priest told me the only way to free a soul is by the powers of a great, devastating fire."

"It is nigh impossible to get any pure Basilisk venom these days, " spoke the Potions geek.

"Ah, there are ways," replied the Auror, twinkling mischievously at Severus. "The other alternative is quite a risky one, though, since very few wizards or witches are actually capable of controlling Fiendfyre. It's easy to ignite but almost impossible to stop."

"Fire! Is Fiendfyre the only solution?" Raven wondered aloud. "I mean, is the all-devouring nature of Fiendfyre that matters? Or is it just the heat and the flames?"

"Well, you can't throw a Horcrux into your fireplace and hope to destroy it; a more devastating temperature is required to destroy not only the object but also the part of the soul stored in it."

Raven mulled Steel's words over for a moment. And then, all of a sudden, everything seemed to make sense to her. It couldn't be a coincidence. There were too many similarities...

"So, if Fiendfyre itself isn't necessarily required, what about throwing the damnable Horcrux into a bloody volcano?"

Severus frowned at her. He knew where that idea was coming from and he thought it absurd. "Please, do me the favour and try to distinguish the real world from that of your fantasy novels."

It came as quite a surprise that Professor Steel didn't dispel Raven's idea the very moment she mouthed it. Instead, she arched a brow at Severus.

"Mr Snape, now I am truly amazed. _You_ read Tolkien?"

"I made him," Raven admitted with a slight smile

Severus rolled his eyes. Meanwhile, Regulus had no clue at all what they were talking about. He wished they'd fill him in without him having to ask questions that would only make him look stupid.

"Well, although Tolkien's portrayal of elves and wizards was mightily absurd there's a grain of truth in every fairy tale. Your idea, Miss Lestrange, does actually make sense to me."

"Do we have to find Mount Doom now?" Severus asked in a mocking tone, still not believing that Professor Steel of all people could possibly fall for Raven's weird ideas copied from a fantasy book.

"Oh, we don't have to make that long a journey to find an active volcano," the Auror smirked as she turned an old mug into a Portkey, glancing expectantly at her three young visitors. "Come on, kids. Have you ever been to Hawaii?"


	41. Definitely Maybe

_A/N: I'm sorry it took so long but life's a mess at the moment. I'm going to take over the hairdresser salon of my boss who is retiring at the end of the year so a lot of bureaucratic stuff keeps me from writing. I cannot even promise you another update this year__ but I won't abandon this story._

_Thank you for your patience. Now read and enjoy! And please don't forget to review..._

41 Definitely Maybe

It was night in Hawaii; the velvety darkness of a tropical night, still hot and humid. The air was filled with the sweet scent of exotic flowers and the sound of an orchestra of cicadas, chirping in the nearby bushes. You could also hear the rumbling of the sea, of the turf splashing against rocks.

Severus wiped his face. He wasn't used to such a temperature and he was feeling unpleasantly hot and uncomfortable. Meanwhile, Raven was star-gazing. Although she was never good at Astronomy, she enjoyed a starry night for its romantic aspect. Then she noticed a strange orange glow in the distance and turned her head.

"That's our Mount Doom," Professor Steel spoke in a low, soft tone as she took a deep breathe of the scented air. "The natives, however, call it Kilauea. It's one of the most active volcanoes in the world."

To underline her words, the Kilauea spat out a fountain of hot-glowing lava from one of its lower craters. It illuminated the sky for a moment, before the lava flow stream died, sizzling and fuming clouds of white as it extinguished in the sea.

Instinctively, Regulus took a step backwards.

"Don't worry, that was just a little hiccup. It happens all the time. But my house is magically volcano-proved and will be safe even if there's a more devastating eruption."

Until now, the friends hadn't even noticed the house. It was a one-storey building with white washed walls, situated in an artfully neglected garden of blooming bushes and potted palm trees, overgrown with what at first glance looked like weeds- at second glance, the weeds were some wild and rare plants, quite valuable potion ingredients, indeed.

At once, Severus was wide-awake and not feeling uncomfortable at all anymore. In fact, he looked like he'd just won the lottery's jackpot- there was that rare smile on his face that would always made Raven's heart ache for him. But before he could go and explore the garden, a loud _POP_ startled them all.

"Aloha, Madam. Hula is at yous service."

Raven stared in fascination at the little creature that had appeared out of thin air and that looked so very different to all the house-elves she had seen before. It had the very same bat-like ears that were typical for its kind, but Hula's skin was so much darker; and instead of a bald head she had long black hair, parted at the top of her head into two pigtails that cascaded over her bony shoulders and covered her tea-towel-clad form down to her bare feet. Around her neck, she wore several garlands of multi-coloured plastic flowers as if mocking the cliché of a typical Hawaiian flower girl.

Hula's eyes were of a vibrant turquoise and she obediently fluttered long lashes at Professor Steel when Madam asked her to prepare rooms and a light dinner for her young guests. In private, the usually strict Auror had a soft spot for kids that travelled to the other side of the world, all in one day, just to meet her and ask for support. They must be dog-tired, hungry and thirsty. Even if the Snape boy (always the potions geek) seemed to be keen to inspect her garden.

"Come inside," she said softly as she opened the door for them.

-o-

Inside, it was pleasantly cool. The plain walls of the sitting room were white-washed, the furniture made of dark wood. On the low coffee table stood a vase with orchids, but apart from that there wasn't much useless decoration. And yet, despite its Spartan interior the room was quite comfortable.

Hula served them chicken sandwiches and a large plate of fresh, exotic fruit. Then she filled their glasses with light white wine before she retreated to the kitchen. Like most house-elves, she wasn't used to dwelling in the company of wizards and witches when it wasn't absolutely required.

"So, all we have to do is to drop the Horcrux into the volcano?" Regulus asked after a while. He leaned back in his chair and took a sip of wine, looking quite elegant doing so. It was his upbringing that gave him the poise to appear sophisticated even if he still didn't quite get the connection between a Muggle fantasy novel and Lord Voldemort's Horcrux.

"Yep," said Raven, feeling weary. The day had been long, dragging her down. She could have given Black a short summary, but she simply wasn't in the mood. She wasn't even certain if she really wanted to destroy the Horcrux- the idea seemed to have lost its appeal although she most definitely wanted it to be destroyed. It was... _evil._

_What__a__silly__little__word_, she chided herself half-heartedly. She wasn't particularly fond of it but couldn't think of a more adequate one, either, and then she brooded over the fact why she was so reluctant to destroy the evil artefact.

_Perhaps it's not possible anyway and we're just wasting our time here..._

On the other hand, she trusted Professor Steel and had faith in her abilities, her skills as an Auror, her knowledge of the Dark Arts. And yet, perhaps she shouldn't have parted with the Horcrux. She should have kept it, keeping it safe instead of giving it to Steel. For a moment, she didn't even know what made her feel worse- wearing the locket on a chain around her neck or feeling its loss weighing her down.

"You alright, Raven?"

It took a while for her to realize that Severus was talking to her, watching her with a slightly worried expression on his face. She almost smiled at him. But he was just faking it, wasn't he? Because Severus didn't really care about her... there was no hope.

A very, very weird idea crossed her mind. She would wait until everybody was asleep and then sneak into Steel's bedroom to retrieve the locket and-

Raven shook her head. _How__absurd_! After all, they had come here looking for a way to destroy the Horcrux; they- _**she**_- couldn't just change her mind now that they knew how it could be done.

The voices of the others seemed to blur into a babble of voices, until all of a sudden Steel said very clearly, "Let's worry about this tomorrow. It was a long day and you're all very tired."

A collective yawn proved her statement right. Dutifully, the kids bid her host good-night (almost in unison) as they scuffled to their guest rooms.

Alice Steel watched them leave and lit a pipe before she relaxed in her armchair, fumbling in the pockets of her robe until she finally produced that locket on a chain, Lord Voldemort's Horcrux. Ah, the temptation! It really was a vile thing, feeding on hopes and dreams and insecurities, trying to corrupt. She could feel it too, the luring whisper that held the promise of power- but she was much too old, too case-hardened to be lured by false promises, and she gave a damn about power.

She gave the locket a contemptuous glare. Tomorrow, it would be destroyed. Voldemort was not to win.

That idea made her smirk as she exhaled perfectly round rings of smoke.

It wouldn't be easy, though. She was very well aware of that. But the kids could succeed (with her help) simply because it wasn't their intention to bring down the Dark Lord all on their own. Their only intention was to do the right thing since they had this very opportunity.

-o-

In the morning, the 'kids' were well rested and even Raven was looking so much more optimistic than last night, especially after she had gulped down several cups of strong, hot, black coffee.

Watching them, Professor Steel silently wished to be as enthusiastic as these youngsters, heading for adventure. Alas, being an Auror for almost thrice as long as they were of age now had taken its toll on her- not only did her many scars tend to ache in the mornings, she had also lost a great deal of the optimism they displayed, simply because life had taught her to not be overly optimistic. It was too dangerous.

But what they were about to do wasn't too dangerous. If all went well, she decided, it wasn't even an especially risky venture- provided, of course, that she came up with a safe way to get the kids as close to the mouth of the volcano as it was necessary for them to drop the Horcrux into the all-devouring fires of one of its many maws.

Unfortunately, Apparition wasn't a solution. One step too far could be fatal... and she didn't want to end her Auror career as a piece of charcoal. Neither did she want to endanger the kids...

Severus glanced out of the window to the massive crater of the volcano, voicing exactly her thoughts. "How will we get up there? I guess Apparition is out of question?"

"Indeed. Although it is possible to Apparate precisely to the edge of the crater, we cannot predict the flow of lava."

"Is it possible to predict the next big eruption?" Asked Regulus, apparently coming up with an idea.

"Well, as I mentioned before, the Kilauea is one of the world's most active volcanoes, which means that there is a constant rise and fall of the lava lake in its deep pit, and occasionally it just... boils over. Like you witnessed last night. But as long as the seismic activity continues at a moderate level, no drastic eruption is to be feared.

"There is a safe place up halfway to the main crater, to which we can safely Apparate. Then we'll have to walk."

"Ah," Regulus drawled, "I'm sure you've got a broom somewhere that I could borrow, haven't you?"

Severus turned to Professor Steel and shrugged nonchalantly. "True, he is quite a decent flyer."

"He's a brilliant flyer!" Raven interjected. "Reg played Seeker in Slytherin's Quidditch team- not that I know much about Quidditch but he won a couple of games for us."

"Very well, then," Steel rose to fetch her broom and came back handing it to Regulus, who eyed it with a frown. She wondered if he was suddenly having second thoughts. Did the boy even know of the responsibility that was lasting on his shoulders? Had it been an act of foolish heroism that had encouraged him to burden himself with the destruction of the Horcrux, or was it something running deeper, like a desperate need to compensate for things he'd done in the name of the Dark Lord and his sick ideology? But as far as she could tell, no irrevocable damage had been done to his soul. He was still as innocent as anyone, who had been touched by and was dealing with the Dark Arts, could possibly be. Flashing him a thoughtful glance, she asked, "Is there anything amiss, Mr Black?"

"No, no," he hurried to say, flushing a little. "The broom's alright. It will suffice."

"Gosh, you're such a spoiled little pure-blood brat!" Raven huffed. "Are you disappointed that it's not the newest model of racing brooms, poor Blackie?"

"Kids, be good company!" Professor Steel reprimanded them before the bitching could get out of control. It _was_ time they got rid of the Horcrux since the youngsters were all affected by its bad, sinister vibes. "Come on, now. It's time to give Pele a treat."

"Pele?"

"Aye, Pele. The _Goddess_ Pele, actually. In Hawaiian religion, she is the goddess of fire, lightning, wind and volcanoes, and she is quite popular amongst the natives despite her devastating reputation. You know, most Hawaiians believe that if you give her an offering, she won't be too harsh on the people living in close neighbourhood to her destructive forces."

"So the Kilauea is also a magical site, one of worshipping the old gods?" Severus asked, the expression on his face brightening from a bored scowl to one of interest.

"Indeed."

"Ah, so there _is_ more to the idea of destroying the Horcrux in a... _Mount__Doom_ than Miss Lestrange's slightly naïve idea to rely on a book written by a Muggle? It's not only the devastating heat of the volcano that matters, it's also about the... _spirituality_of the Kilauea as a site of pagan worship and ancient magic."

"Correct, Mr Snape, although I will refrain from giving points to Slytherin now."

His dark eyes glistened for a moment before he carried on. "There are several of these old cult sites all over the world, and if you connected them, you'd get a net of lines called ley lines. They are like... _channels_ of magic, an ancient and very powerful kind of magic that is earthbound and can neither be manipulated by the Dark Arts nor by the Light. It is a magic-that-is; the essence of magic and a balancing force."

"Correct again, Mr Snape." Professor Steel tried to hide a proud smile- although it pleased her tremendously that at least one of her former students had internalized and actually grasped what she had been trying to teach them during her one year stint at Hogwarts. "It's the balance that matters. Keep that in mind, kids. You cannot fight a Dark Lord whatever-his-name-is and hope to win the eternal battle of good versus evil. Don't even try because you will most definitely lose, for the essence of magic is like Yin and Yang- two sides of the same coin.

"Remember that any tyrant is just another tyrant, even if his banners are painted in white and he or she seems to have only the purest of intentions in mind. You know, there's also tyranny in the name of the Greater Good."

Raven nodded, lost in thoughts, silently agreeing to what Professor Steel had just said as she thought about the self-righteous ways of Gryffindors in general and St Lily-on-the-pedestal (frantically cheering at every fart Dumbledore let, simply because he was so very opposite to the Dark Lord's campaign of pure-blood supremacy) in particular. But even a white knight in shining armour could turn out to be a despot if given too much power...

-o-

Alice Steel smirked inwardly- unlike Albus Dumbledore's favoured Gryffindors, these Slytherin kids had no intention to change the world for the better, forcing goodness upon everybody. Instead, they merely wanted the world to be a better place for _them._

She couldn't find any fault in that. It was a pragmatic and reasonable ambition.

It was also in accordance with The Balance.

-o-

In the end, it was all quite unspectacular. Steel took them to a safe, secured place half up the way to the main crater of the Kilauea, where they were sheltered from the burps of lava the volcano was almost lazily vomiting occasionally- if it wasn't hiccuping columns of smoke and fountains of ashes, that is.

"You alright?" Professor Steel asked Regulus as she watched him mount her broom with a determined expression on his face. For a moment, she wondered if it was right to let those kids face the danger- shouldn't she, as experienced an Auror as she was, send them home and do it herself?But no, they wouldn't want to hear any of that! It was their task, their mission, their time- the time of three determined youngsters, who perhaps didn't even know what they were trying to achieve. And yet, it wasn't up to her to interfere now. They had to make their way. All she could do was to keep a sharp eye on them and to aid them with her experience as an Auror.

-o-

"Up!" Regulus whispered, and his borrowed broom soared up into the skies. It wasn't even as lame as he had expected at first glance, for it looked far more battered and worn than it actually was. Actually, it was a very fine broomstick.

He took his time getting accustomed to it, flying in circles over the crater of the Kilauea, avoiding its occasional outbursts of dust, rocks and lava.. It was fun. For the most part of it, it was as much fun as playing Quidditch, hovering over the pitch and looking out for the Snitch.

But this was not a game; he wasn't here to have fun or enjoy riding a decent broom.

He had to do it, had to drop the locket into the hot-bubbling maw of the volcano-

_Wasn't__it__a__shame__to__destroy__Slytherin's__locket?_After all, it was a heirloom of one of the founders of Hogwarts and therefore a precious magical artefact...

"NO!"

Shouting silently to himself he dispelled these ideas. They didn't matter. He's so had it with heirlooms and being the heir of an ancient- the most noble and ancient!- family. Here he was, finally being able to be just Regulus and doing the thing that _he_ deemed right. And yes, it was right to destroy that awful, sinister thing.

It was the exact opposite to Quidditch. Instead of having to catch something, he now just had to let it drop. It sounded so simply, but it wasn't. Somehow, it required a lot more determination...

-o-

Raven noticed his hesitation and hoped that Regulus would get a grip on himself. Perhaps it had been a bad idea to put so much trust in the boy- but then, something... _changed._ It was a feeling similar to yesterday when she had given the locket to Professor Steel, only this time it was so much stronger and the feeling of clarity was more... _intense._The weight that had lasted on her shoulders had not only been lifted, but wasn't even lingering like a dark cloud all around her, and she felt a sudden wave of relief washing over her.

_He's done it!_

Regulus Black had dropped the locket into the maw of the Kilauea. She _thought_ she could hear one last angry hiss from somewhere deep within her mind, then it was gone. The powers of nature- or that of the goddess Pele- had destroyed the Horcrux. One part of Lord Voldemort's soul was extinguished in an infernal lake of red-hot glowing magma.

For a moment, the earth seemed the rumble.

Just in time, Regulus spiralled higher on his broom. The volcano erupted again, spitting out fiery bits of rock- but it was only a short spectacle, as if the Kilauea was merely giving a satisfied burp after the fine lunch of snake-soul it had had- or so Raven thought as she clapped her hands and cheered at Regulus' flying skills. She was so happy, so overjoyed... and also so in need to share her joy that she couldn't help herself; she just had to fling her arms around Severus and hug him.

-o-

Over the years of knowing Raven Lestrange and her quirks, Severus had grown accustomed to her hugs; in fact, there was nothing wrong with being hugged by a pretty witch. It was rather... flattering, indeed.

This time, however, it was different. It was different because he suddenly recalled the words the whelp had said, unrequested and unwanted. '_She's__in__love__with__you_,' he'd said and that made the hug a little awkward.

Severus was certain that Regulus had made it up only to fool him, and the boy had almost succeeded. The annoying scent of green apples smelled so tempting that he could very nearly imagine to fall in love with his best friend... of course that was absurd.

He was just thinking of something nice to say, something he could whisper in her ear. That moment she turned her head (in order to give him a friendly peck on the cheek) and their noses collided. Severus wished the ground would open up in another volcanic crater and swallow him; it was too embarrassing. Naturally, he blamed it all on his big nose for he was uncomfortably aware of its size.

Raven laughed. Now, that didn't come as a surprise since everybody laughed about his nose and he still remembered each and every time the Marauders had mocked and teased him...

Then, she cupped his face in her hands and kissed him.

_Dear__Merlin!_, he thought in a state of pleasant shock, and then he stopped thinking. Her lips were so soft and pliable, so... enticing. He just couldn't stand there as if turned into a pillar of salt, doing nothing. He simply _had_ to kiss her back, had to indulge in the softness of her lips, in the little moan that escaped her throat. She seemed to enjoy it, even craving for more.

Meanwhile, his arms had developed a life of their own because they had come snaking around her waist, pulling her closer and closer. He could feel her lean body pressed against his and for once he wasn't bothered by the reaction of his own teenage body; it seemed to be only natural... no matter how wrong it was.

Was it wrong?

He was so confused because it felt so good... and yet he wasn't in love with Raven. He loved Lily. He was betraying Lily- no. No, he wasn't. The part of his brain that was still capable of logical thinking told him that he couldn't possibly betray a witch who had chosen his best nemesis to be her husband. There was nothing wrong with snogging Raven. He could kiss whoever he liked, and Raven was kissing him with a passion that was... well, actually too sensual for a kiss shared between best friends... her lips held the promise for so much... _more..._

-o-

"Oi! Seen that?" Regulus cried out as he landed, then he mouthed a silent, 'Oh,' when he noticed what he had just disturbed- while in the air, flying, he'd been too busy evading rocks and pieces to pay attention to what was going on below him. He almost stumbled over his broom- could it be that Snape had finally come to his senses? Finally, the idiot was snogging her! Unfortunately, though, they broke their kiss as soon as he came bursting the scene.

The hand he had raised and balled into a fist of triumph sank, but nobody could wipe that big smile of Regulus' face. Inwardly, he was cheering for them (and also for himself because of his stunts on the broom- deep in his heart, he just _knew_ he was a brilliant flyer, the star of the Slytherin Quidditch team-)

Professor Steel cleared her throat. "Well done, Mr Black."

Regulus turned to glance at her, grinning rather sheepishly as he wondered if she had dissolved into thin air for the time it had taken Severus and Raven to snog each other senseless- or why had _her_ presence not bothered them? Well, perhaps it was the ability of a skilled Auror to simply blend into oblivion...

"You were great, Reg!" Raven exclaimed enthusiastically and quite surprisingly. All of a sudden, Regulus had his arms full of a deliciously excited witch, hugging him. Still being half entwined with him, she turned her head to flash the others a knowing glance. "I _told_ you he's a brilliant flyer, didn't I?"

"Indeed, Miss Lestrange, indeed."

Meanwhile, Severus had put on an inscrutable expression, not revealing any emotion at all. Nevertheless, Professor Steel sensed a little discomfort in his aura, probably due to the fact that Miss Lestrange was hugging the Black boy.

_Oh,__all__that__teenage__drama_! She thought, feeling younger and more alive than she had for decades, and she really enjoyed the part she was playing in their... game- in the everlasting game or battle of the universe, fighting and striving for balance.

Well, for now, the balance was restored; thanks to young Mr Black. But what would tomorrow bring?

She ushered the kids back to her house and watched them retreat to their bedrooms- as directed the night before (the one to the left for the boys, the other one to the right for the girl). Interestingly, they didn't exchange a single word on their way back.

-o-

A little later, in the boy's room, the silence grew rather uncomfortable. Regulus stole a clandestine glance at Severus, wondering what to say to break the silence. Unfortunately, he couldn't think of anything.

But he should say something. Perhaps he should even encourage Snape to trust him and believe what he had said on the plane. Then, he'd mustered the courage to tell him what was obvious; alas, he didn't feel particularly courageous now... what a bloody dilemma. It made him realize that they were still far away from being friends. In fact, they were still strangers, mere acquaintances and therefore not entitled to judge or jest the other one for being a daft idiot.

If he'd been a braver man, he would have told Severus to go and knock on Raven's door, knowing he wouldn't regret it.

What he didn't know was that it would have been in vain because Raven had left her room for the bathroom to take a long cold shower...

-o-

The cold shower didn't help. Perhaps it just wasn't... _cold_ enough to wash away those _needs_ from her mind. Resolutely, she turned off the shower. She's had it with patience, with waiting for him to make the first step (which would probably never happen) and most of all she's had in with him being prudish, still pining for bloody St Lily-on-the-pedestal. It was about time to kick her off the pedestal, and there was only one way to succeed. Seduction.

-o-

Severus was still lounging on his bed, brooding, looking sullen. Occasionally, he shot a dark glare in Regulus' direction to discourage the boy from daring to speak a word. He didn't want to hear anything.

His his face was inscrutable, not showing any emotion while his mind was in a mess. He should be pondering over the fact that they had just succeeded in destroying one part of the Dark Lord's soul and what implications could be drawn from that. Perhaps it even was a milestone on the way of freeing the wizarding world and defeating Lord V- There, he was doing it again! Referring to the most evil wizard of their times in the very same casual, slightly disrespectful term as Raven called him. And he was back thinking about her, the kiss they had just shared; he simply couldn't get it out of his head.

If only he'd had more experience, more social competence... if only he'd be accustomed to have friends or at least one best mate- someone he could talk things over. Banal things like love and desire... and _sex._ Alas, his only experience with the opposite sex was years ago; the girl Lucius Malfoy had bought him as a birthday present, at Madam Marguerite's.

Usually, he would obstinately insist that lust was a weakness and exercise control over his needs, because Severus Snape wasn't weak. On the other hand, he was being painfully reminded of the fact that he was a healthy young wizard- actually just a teenager- and no matter how strictly he tried to ignore that fact, it was only natural to have desires. And so he couldn't stop thinking about Raven and the kiss they had shared, although he knew that it was wrong to feel that way about his best friend.

Or wasn't it?

Was Regulus probably right?

So many questions and yet he couldn't bring himself to simply ask the whelp what he had meant when he'd said that Raven was in love with him. Severus knew that she liked him a lot (after all, she'd never let him down, no matter what he'd done)- but that didn't necessarily mean that she fancied him...

That moment, the door opened and Raven Lestrange entered.

-o-

Regulus opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again, giving the impression of a fish gulping for air. She was clad (if you could call it being clad at all) in a colourful sarong she had casually wrapped around her body. Well, although it did cover her private parts, she was still revealing quite a lot of deliciously tanned skin, glittering with moistness from the shower she'd just taken.

_Wow,_ he thought, feasting his eyes on her slender form,being a typical teenage boy with the very same so very typical teenage dreams on his mind-

She didn't have to say much. Actually, she merely had to flash him a devious smile that seemed to say, 'piss off, whelp,' and so he hastened to obey. Regulus knew when three was a crowd. He rose and walked to the door, suddenly remembering that he wanted to watch TV anyway.

He closed the door behind him.

Now, it was all up to Raven.

-o-

Severus arched an inquiring brow at her, wondering and silently hoping (although he just as silently condemned himself for having these thoughts) that what she seemed to have in mind was indeed what he had been fantasizing about for too long already.

_But__it's__not__right_, a voice inside his head screamed.

He hushed it and decided to pay no attention to it...

"Now, where did we stop?" Raven asked in a husky tone as she approached him,

"I...um..." For once, Severus was at a loss because she moved closer and kissed him again.

Granted, this could have turned out quite embarrassing, especially for Raven who was staking it all on one card now, pushing him... probably too far. And yet, while the threat- the fear- of rejection was hovering over her like a dark cloud, he kissed her back. Any sort of logical thinking seemed to dissolve into thin air.

He realized that she wouldn't stop at snogging him senseless when her eager hands started pulling at the hem of his shirt and her fingers reached out to touch him, caressing him, making his skin burn with her touch- her golden tanned hands standing out in stark contrast to the paleness of his flesh.

_Merlin!_ He moaned wordlessly- was she really trying to seduce him? It made him shiver with anticipation...

The very idea made even less sense to him than Regulus Black's mindless drivel, claiming than she was in love with him. He knew that she had feelings for him and perhaps she actually _loved_ him somehow- in a friendly, sisterly nature- but he'd never ever dared to dream that Raven could possibly _desire_ him.

No one had ever desired him. The only girl he'd ever slept with had been bought with Malfoy's money and that had merely happened to manipulate him... sort of a promotional gift to make him join the ranks of the Dark Lord, promising fulfilment of any kind.

It was, of course, different with Raven. She wasn't playing games with him since no one paid her for wanting him; her desire was honest- and shocking. She wanted him. _Him!_

_Was there anything desirable about him?_

-o-

_He's__perfect_, she thought as she pulled the shirt over his head and threw it away. His skin was as white as cream... _no,__Alabaster..._and his lean body was deliciously defined. Of course, Severus was not a very athletic person, but she didn't fancy men with too many muscles anyway. Raven rather enjoyed the sinewy strength of his long limbs and she absolutely adored the elegance of his fingers when they finally dared to touch her.

Then, it all went a tad too fast for her liking. For a moment, she thought that the excitement of feeling him within her would nearly kill her and she couldn't restrain a jubilating little gasp-

'_Oh__yes,_' she moaned almost inaudible. _Finally!_ She'd been waiting for this to happen for so long and then-

Raven let out a frustrated sigh for she'd been so close to bliss, but it was over much too soon.

-o-

Severus rolled on to his back, panting, gasping for breath.

_Wow!_ It was a so much more pleasurable experience to have sex with a witch who wasn't paid for it, and he closed his eyes for a moment to catch the fact that he'd just had sex. With a wonderful, beautiful, willing girl...

He didn't notice her frustration; didn't realize she still longed to be satisfied. Fortunately, though, he was unaware of his lack of experience, otherwise he would have run away in shame and misery with the very intention to never ever touch a girl again.

Fortunately for him, Raven was aware of his inexperience, thinking it cute and charming and also flattering that for once she was the one who could teach him something since she wasn't willing to let him get away that easily. She'd tasted blood and she wanted more.

So she cuddled up to him, resting her head on his shoulder as she let gentle fingers run down his chest. After a moment of awkward silence, she cleared her throat and whispered,

"You know, Sev, girls like to cuddle afterwards. They like to touch and being touched."

"Um..."

She simply took his hand and showed him where she wanted to be touched.

He inhaled audibly, sharply, but allowed her to guide him for she felt so very good; her skin was soft and warm and he really wanted to touch her, wanted to revel in the beauty of a female body. Knowing he'd rushed things a little, being too keen, too aroused, too... _starved_ from months and years of unwanted celibacy, never expecting that a beautiful witch could possibly desire him. And Merlin, she _was_ beautiful!

So he kissed her again, but soon he broke the kiss to let his mouth trail down her neck where it lingered for a while, amazed by the reaction it caused for Raven started to moan, whispering his name, writhing... she seemed to like what he was doing and that made him curious of what else she might like.

It was like exploring a totally new terrain since he hadn't had the opportunity to gather much experience yet. Nevertheless, Severus was a fast learner. It thrilled him to figure out that she liked him to cup her breasts not too gently and that she was kind of ticklish when his hands ghosted down her hips. Her nipples hardened when he gave them a swirl of his tongue, but she giggled when he did the same with her navel. He learned that it was alright to laugh in bed because it was supposed to be fun, and he adored her husky voice when she gave him... _instructions,_ since it was also alright to say what one liked or disliked. It was part of the fun and not meant as any form of criticism. He knew that because of the way she touched him, making him feel more accepted than he'd ever been before.

Thus encouraged, his hands and lips strayed down south of her navel, touching and tasting, being met with anticipation.

Never before in his life had he been more proud, more approving of himself than the very moment she climaxed under his touch. And never before had he seen anything more beautiful than that expression on her face- so delightfully blushed, her eyes closed in bliss, her lips pursed as though they were longing to be kissed again, as though she simply couldn't get enough of him.

-o-

"Sev, please," she whispered, longing to feel him within her again and he didn't have to be asked twice.

Like most young men, no matter if teenage wizard or Muggle, he was more than ready to fulfil her request, almost brimming over with potency that wanted to find relief.

The second time was so much better than the first, but since all good things came in threes it was the third time that really undid them, leaving them both panting and completely sated, tired out

He could still feel her climax with every pore of his body, in every synapse of his mind. It was totally overwhelming, an experience he hadn't expected. At least not that intense. Had he really thought that having sex was being overrated? Well, perhaps he'd been wrong. Perhaps it was the most wonderful thing in the world, even better than the thrill of brewing a challenging potion and succeeding at it. There was more to life than that and he actually felt more alive than ever before.

-o-

Sated and satisfied, Raven snuggled up closer to him, still craving for proximity. Sleepily, she whispered '_I__love__you'_into his ear.

All of a sudden, Severus felt an irrational surge of anger. He didn't know whether he was angry at her or at himself- he just had to get away from her. Leaving the bed, he made his way to the window where he stared out into the velvety darkness of nightly Hawaii. Occasionally, there was an orange glow in the sky when the Kilauea was gulping up lava and somewhere in the distance, he could hear the rumbling of the sea.

While Summoning the pack of cigarettes from Raven's room and lighting one, he pondered what had upset him so. Why was he suddenly feeling... _cheated_ by her confession? Didn't everybody want to hear those three words?

Well, yes- perhaps. And he was indeed torn between feeling flattered and furious. Had she lied to him, all those years ago, when she had promised to talk to Lily and make her understand his slip of tongue. But Raven had failed- on purpose? Because she wanted him for herself?

He inhaled deeply, and that seemed to clear his mind. Merlin, this was so absurd! Raven Lestrange was the most loyal person he'd ever met. His glance drifted in her direction, taking in the peaceful expression on her face, the smile gracing her lips as she was sleeping, fortunately oblivious of his thoughts

True, her confession had startled him. But was it really such a horrible idea to know that a beautiful, wonderful witch was in love with him? At least it was a weird, almost unrealistic idea. And yet it should have come as no surprise since the little Black had told him so.

His life was a mess and now he had complicated it even more. On the other hand, it hadn't been that bad. In fact, it had been quite pleasurable- and that was perhaps the understatement of the year.

He recalled her kisses; the way she had touched him. The softness of her skin and her intoxicating scent, and all of a sudden he felt an almost painful pang of tenderness for that witch. _Damn_! He cursed himself as he flipped the cigarette out of the window and returned to bed.

Carefully, he wrapped the blanket around her naked shoulders and heaved a sigh as he slipped under the cover, enjoying the feeling of her naked body in his arms. Life was a wonderful mess.

-o-

She woke when a ray of early sunshine tickled her nose. As she wrinkled her nose and tried to dim out the annoying light by pulling the blanket over her head, she recalled the most wonderful dream she'd ever had. She and Severus- no, that wasn't a dream; it had happened! But reaching out for him, she had to realize that the dream seemed to have ended since the bed was empty, only the ghost of his warmth was still lingering.

Raven opened her eyes and saw him standing in the room, getting dressed.

_Oh__shit!__What__to__do__now?__What__had__it__been__for__him?_ This was- perhaps- the most embarrassing moment ever. The fear of rejection was nagging her, but not enough to silence her. She had to know...

That moment, he glanced in her direction, noticing that she was awake. He offered her a wry smile and said, 'good morning', while looking for his second sock.

"Sev!" She burst out, sounding frantic, and that made him turn to give her a second glance. "Are we still friends?"

"Of course we are," he replied casually.

"Just friends? Or, possibly... something more than just friends? Friends with... benefits? You know... certain... privileges?"

Severus arched a brow at her. For once, she couldn't read him at all.

"You said you love me." He didn't know why he mentioned that now; perhaps he simply needed some clarity. For a usually quite rational mind, Severus was clearly at a loss when it came to emotions. His mind was a mess of screaming bright neon letters that refused to form sensible, intelligent words like love, lust or friendship- anything to define what exactly he was feeling for her, because there was no denying that he did indeed have feelings for her. It was just so confusingly frustrating- or frustratingly confusing- to specify the true nature of said feelings.

Well, there were bonds of friendships that were strong, and in the name of friendship he felt guilty for having overstepped the limits. But lust had been stronger. Yes, he desired her. She was intelligent, kind and... beautiful... Merlin, he wished he could just stop brooding and ravish her again because she simply looked adorable in the early morning sun; it made her tanned skin shine golden (and she was showing plenty of it, barely covered by the blanket she was hugging, looking at him expectantly) and her tousled hair and the rumpled sheets reminded him of last night's passion.

But what about love? Did he love her? There were no butterflies in his stomach, nothing that could be compared to what he was feeling for Lily. On the other hand, there was no fear of rejection, no awkward anticipation; no need to impress and become a man of reputation, fortune and fame just to please her in order to receive a reward- a kind word, a smile...

In his imagination, any chance of having a relationship with a witch had always started with serious wooing on _**his**_ part; he would have to prove himself worthwhile so that she could ignore his less handsome appearance, his lack of social competence. If he succeeded in asking her out for a date, there were supposed to be long walks, candlelight dinners at his expense, and then- perhaps- a first shy kiss as a reward for his efforts. He would buy an engagement ring too expensive for him to get the church bells ringing before he could even hope to get laid...

Now, things had taken a completely different turn and his order of what was supposed to happen was in disarray, totally reversed by Raven. They had started with having sex before he'd had the chance to figure out what she meant to him.

"I do," she admitted in a whisper, blushing as she nibbled at her lips.

"I..." Severus cleared his throat but he didn't really know what to say; it would only come out wrong. He would ruin it again, like he ruined it with Lily. And yet, he couldn't tell her what she wanted to hear. "I don't deserve you. You deserve a better man than me."

Raven gave him a stubborn glare. "I don't want anyone else. I want you."

Quickly he pulled his shirt over his head so that she couldn't see him blush, and he mumbled. "I don't know if I can return the sentiment with the same... absoluteness. I mean, you _are_ very dear to me- but love is such a big word..."

She knew it was because of Lily, because he just couldn't get the absurd idea out of his head that one day it would work between him and bloody St Lily. But last night had proved that he was capable of forgetting Miss Holier-Than-Thou for a while. Last night had been wonderful... and yet, she would _not_ beg for an encore.

"Yeah, but you will never know unless you give it a try." The words left her lips before she had the chance to think them over. _Oh__shit_, so much about **not** begging... she rolled her eyes at her own stupidity.

To her surprise, however, he didn't call her absurd or dismissed the idea at once. Instead, he seemed to ponder the consequences of getting involved with her in a more or less romantic way- it was selfish to agree but foolish not to. Either way might mean the end of their friendship, but it had taken a dangerous turn anyway and now was much too late to regret last night's action. Besides, he didn't regret it at all...

Nevertheless, he said hesitantly, "I will only disappoint you," and it sounded gloomy.

"I don't think so." Raven rose to cross the distance between them.

Almost instinctively, Severus took a step backwards and tried to avert his eyes in order to not stare at the naked witch approaching him, but to no avail... she just looked too beautiful, too tempting... and he was feeling ashamed because he was just about to make a concession to his needs, to say that, yes, perhaps they should give it a try. But she deserved so much more than he was able to give; she deserved better than him. And yet, he didn't want it to end here and now.

"Listen, Sev, I'm not asking you to marry me or to grow old with me and live happily ever after. All I'm asking you is to give us a chance- just try it. And I promise... well, I promise to let you go without a fight, should Lily ever come to love you more than I do..."

Now, this was positively begging in the most desperate sense- but Raven simply decided that it wasn't. Because it was a promise that was easy to make without hurting her pride, simply because she just _knew_ that St Lily would never leave her pedestal, would never step down from it in order to not only appreciate Severus, but to love and treasure him the way _she_ did.

"Raven, I..." Severus mumbled, looking for words but merely coming up with the same resolution as before. "...I don't deserve you..." His resolve waned when he saw her standing in front of him, radiantly beautiful, glancing at him with expectant eyes. He swallowed hard before he hesitantly offered, "Well... um, yes... perhaps we could give it a try..."

And almost instantly he cursed himself for having made this concession. _Merlin,__he__was__so__very...__**weak**_- _she__definitely__deserves__a__better__man__than__I__will__ever__be,_Severus thought. _Someone,__who__was__willing__to__lay__the__world__at__her__feet...__and__not__someone__who__didn't__even__know__whether__he__loved__her__or__not;__someone,__who__was__still__in__love__with__another__girl,__red-haired__and__green-eyed._ He really wished he could give her more, promise her more... _**love**_ her more. But he just couldn't bring himself to say the words she wanted to hear.

She, however, seemed to be satisfied with his response. Her eyes widened and she stared at him breathlessly, still looking breathtakingly beautiful.

"You really mean _try_ as in... trying to be an item?"

Severus nodded slowly. Yes, he was willing to try and give them a chance- although he seriously doubted it would turn out well; he just didn't have the heart to say no to her, to reject her and make her feel as if she'd been nothing more than a one-night stand to him... because that wasn't true. After all, he _did_ treasure her. She meant so very much to him...

Raven threw her arms around his neck, hugging and kissing him. "Oh, Sev, you won't regret it," she whispered in his ear.

But that was not what he feared anyway- he feared that _she_ might regret it one day. So he gently pried her arms from around his neck, exercising control over himself before passion could overwhelm him once again.

_Merlin,_ but it was so damn _tempting_ to hold her in his arm, kissing her...

Resolutely, he brandished his wand and Summoned her clothes from her room; they piled up neatly in a heap at his feet.

"Get dressed, Lestrange. I reckon Professor Steel and the whelp are already wondering about our absence."

Raven doubted that. At least Reg knew what was going on- but it was very sweet of Sev to consider her... lack of decent garment. It was just as gallant of him as it was slightly prudish. Well, it was just typically Severus. Raven flashed him a smile. He was- almost officially- her boyfriend now, and that fact made her very nearly brim over with glee. She wanted to hug him and kiss him again and again, but she also knew that he was quite a private person who would not appreciate a public display of affection... so she merely breathed a kiss on his cheek and let go of him before they left the room to face the world outside.

What would happen? Would their- Severus'- feeble concession of ..._almost_ love withstand the test of time when they were back in reality, back in real life?


	42. New York City

I'm sorry it took so long- I was hibernating...

42- New York City

Regulus was watching TV when the door opened and his friends entered the guest's living room. He arched a brow at them while the corners of his lips were beginning to form a smile- which immediately seemed to freeze under Severus' wipe-that-smirk-off-your-face scowl. So he turned his eyes back to the TV screen where some sort of a truck with extremely large wheels was crashing a group of smaller cars.

"Dear Merlin!" Raven exclaimed and instead of offering a good morning she asked, "You didn't watch that crap all night, did you?"

"That's no crap," the heir of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black defended himself quite stubbornly, but there was no use denying that he had, indeed, been watching TV all night long- she already knew him well enough to know that he had become quite of a TV junkie ever since she had introduced him to that sort of Muggle culture. "It's bloody amazing! Muggles are just awesome," he said without taking his eyes off the screen. "Look! Monster trucks! Absolutely brilliant, these Muggles... that's so much more fun than plain old Quidditch! I'm gonna buy one of those and become a professional driver myself."

"No doubt your parents will be thrilled about your choice of career," Severus quipped, his words dripping with sarcasm.

Regulus shot him a defiant glance. "So what? I don't give a damn anymore. It's my life, after all. And besides, I didn't ask for their permission to travel around half the world and destroy a bloody Horcrux either."

"True," Raven said with a grin, "but would you really upset mummy and daddy for a... _monster_ truck? I mean, you don't even have a driving license."

"I'll buy one."

Trying hard to hide her amused smile, Raven glanced at Severus and was glad to see that apparently their mental connection hadn't suffered from giving in to carnal desires; it was still as strong as it used to be, showing his own amusement about the whelp's quirks. Then his mood changed abruptly when Regulus asked quite innocently, "How about you two? Did you have a good night, too?"

"That's none of your business!" Severus replied brusquely, and now Regulus was grinning. But before the foolish boy- sometimes he really reminded Raven of his older brother, always testing how far he could go without landing himself in serious trouble- could give a response that would only irritate Severus even further, there was a loud POP and Hula the House-elf appeared.

"Madam says breakfast is ready for dear guests and Madam not has all day... yes, yes, Madam is very busy always."

"Great!" Raven said, heaving a happy sigh. "I'm dying for a good cup of coffee."

-o-

_She knows it_, Severus realized immediately even though Professor Steel didn't spare him more than a fleeting glance, barely looking up from her newspaper when she wished them a good morning. But he was positive that she knew exactly what he had done last night; he was uncomfortably aware of it, no matter how much he tried not to think about it. On the other hand, he found it hard to not think about it... because every time he tried to, pondering whether it had been a wise decision to sleep with his best friend, there was a sharp pain of loss that seemed to suffocate him from within and he quickly forgot about regretting that incident. Besides, he had agreed to give it a try, to give them a chance, and he had to admit that he wasn't unhappy with that decision at all. He would have been more happy with it, though, if he could have banished Lily from his mind. But since he was incapable of doing just that, he felt torn and utterly confused, and his defences were up for no one to see his inner turmoil.

-o-

Alice Steel heaved a silent sigh- _ah, to be young and in love_, she thought with a pang of nostalgia as she flashed Raven a wry smile, feeling quite some affection for the girl who often reminded her of herself when she was young... so long ago.

But she quickly got a grip on herself again; there was no time to dwell on the past when it was essential that they kept looking ahead, always on alert. '_Constant vigilance_!' as Moody would bellow his mantra. Too bad he'd become paranoid in exercising his job for he used to be quite a handsome Auror when he was young...

Resolutely, she refocused on the here and now, on the youngsters that were sitting at her breakfast table, tucking in like starved wolves. Clandestinely, she smiled again- but only briefly- and then her face took on the same old serious expression that was so typical for her. Not letting them see that watching them made her almost wish she wouldn't have taken her job so very serious all the time, but to have such fine young ones herself.

"I hope you don't feel too overjoyed about yesterday's success, because you are fools to believe that one destroyed Horcrux could possibly weaken the Dark Lord; he is still as strong as ever and a dangerous fiend if you decide to keep opposing him."

Raven glanced from Severus to Regulus and then back at Professor Steel. They hadn't yet talked about their further plans or how they wanted to proceed, but opposing the Dark Lord sounded like a good choice.

"Keep your cool, kids," Professor Steel continued, knowing exactly what Raven was thinking; it was in the way the young witch stubbornly lifted her chin. "Be careful and don't haste things. Act with the prudence and cautiousness that are the traits of your house, and leave all reckless bravery to the Gryffindors. If you want to fight the Dark Lord you will need the slyness of a Slytherin."

Severus nodded thoughtfully, while Regulus gave to consider, "What if we find more of his Horcruxes? I mean, we cannot always travel round the world and drop them in the maw of a volcano."

"That is correct. It is too dangerous to leave Wizarding Britain more often than necessary, even if you travel the Muggle way. You have to act as unobtrusive as possible, and your repeated absence may be noticed one day. Therefore I arranged something for you." Professor Steel searched the pockets of her grey robes and produced a small phial. Holding it in the palm of her hand, she contemplated it for a moment. "This wasn't easy to get, but I have some reliable sources and connections- friends that owe me a favour." She looked at the kids, giving each of them a stern glance before she finally handed the phial to Severus. "I know you will treasure the value of Basilisk venom."

He took the the phial with all the required awe, knowing quite well its almost priceless value. Basilisk venom was a very rare and therefore horrendously expensive potion ingredient. Also, it was known for its destructive quality- it was said that it could even destroy a Horcrux... Expectantly, he lifted his eyes to Professor Steel's wrinkled, withered face- the phial was small and its capacity was humble in measure; it surely wasn't enough to... _drown_ a Horcrux in it. Was he supposed to use it in a potion?

The Auror shook her head no, thus answering his unasked question. "You do own a silver dagger to cut your potion ingredients, I assume?"

He merely arched a brow at her, waiting for her to carry on.

"Very well, and you also know of the magical properties of silver?"

Of course he did- it played a catalytic role in many potions and was so strong that even chopping ingredients with a silver dagger gave them more potentiality. Also (on a side note) using a silver dagger was a very effective method to kill werewolves... and ever since the incident with Lupin he did carry his with him all the times. Just in case...

"A few drops will be enough," Professor Steel instructed him. "Use it on your dagger and simply stab the Horcrux with it."

Severus nodded, briefly wondering if that clue would also make it easier to kill a werewolf, before he dispelled that thought and focussed on Professor Steel again.

"Now," she said casually, "it's time for you to leave. You have to return to Wizarding Britain before anyone notices your absence. Don't forget that it's essential for you to not raise attention." She placed an old and battered Coca-Cola can on the table. "This Portkey will take you back to New York, where you will spend the night at the Comfort Inn hotel near the Central Park. The next morning, you will take the plane back to London- your tickets are already booked.

"Don't contact me. Don't send any owls, do not use the Floo network. In case you need my advice, though, give me a call the Muggle way."

She shoved a scrap of paper in Raven's direction, knowing that at least the young witch was familiar with telephones.

-o-

Everything happened rather quickly, then. Before Raven even had time to finish her cup of coffee, she already got transported though time and space to a lonely, deserted alley. Next to her, Severus and Regulus appeared out of thin air, looking just as agitated and confused as she felt due to that sudden change of scenery.

She glanced at her empty hand and wished she had remembered to cling on to her coffee mug. She shivered briefly; of course, it was much colder in New York than in was in Hawaii. And there was no doubt that they were back in New York. Their surroundings appeared so much darker and louder, dirtier... the air they breathed was now filled with the pungent stench of decay that came from the many trash cans lining the alley, most of them belonging to a neighbourhood of cheap take-away restaurants.

The alley was also plastered with posters announcing concerts in Muggle clubs, and not all of them were outdated. All of a sudden, Raven's face lit up when she spotted the poster of a band she liked.

"Look, Sev!"

He stared at her; his brooding interrupted by her gentle nudge. He was still feeling insecure and uncertain whether he had done the right thing by agreeing to give it a try with Raven, still pondering if passion had utterly confused his mind, his ability to think clearly when he followed her bidding and glanced at the poster.

It was of a band he liked, too, and they were playing a gig tonight.

_Wasn't it absurd?_ he thought and almost laughed out loud. Whenever he had dreamed about having a girlfriend, the picture of Lily Evans had always popped up in his mind's eye and he had envisioned how he would ask her out, taking her to a romantic candlelight dinner at a fancy restaurant (fortunately, he always woke from that dream before the waiter arrived with the bill). A punk rock gig, however, had never, not even in his wildest dreams, fitted with his conception of romantic entertainment program for a lovely young witch... well, until now. Now this very idea sounded almost tempting since he knew that Raven would love to go and see the band. And she was quite a lovely young witch, wasn't she? Also, she was sort of his girlfriend now (which still puzzled him tremendously) so he should at least possess the decency to ask her out. If he couldn't say those infamous three words to her, he could at least try to be a good and attentive friend and give her anything that did not require of him to utter these words that deep in his heart were still reserved for Lily.

_Were they?_

While pondering that very idea, he soon realized another flaw in his plan- they weren't alone. They couldn't go out to see a punk rock gig with the whelp in tow, and the stupid little Black boy had to remind him of that sad fact when he started nagging.

"Come on," Regulus said, looking around with unease. Apparently his concept of the oh-so-exciting Muggle world was wavering in regard of their seedy surroundings, therefore the posh little pure-blood wanted to get away from that alley as soon as possible. "Let's go! Professor Steel said we have to act unobtrusively and lingering here is decidedly counterproductive."

"But we're in the Muggle world right here and now," Raven objected, recalling the Auror's words. "We don't act suspicious at all when we look at posters, trying to decide what we want to do with our night in New York."

"We should go to the hotel Professor Steel booked for us." Regulus insisted. Sometimes he was still the good and obedient boy his parents had raised, never questioning the words of someone who commanded respect, someone who was higher up the ranks of society than he himself.

"Alright," Raven said since she didn't want to linger in that alley either. Nevertheless, she didn't agree to _his_ understanding of Steel's warning. To her, acting as unobtrusively as possible did not mean to hide in the hotel until it was time to leave for the airport- it simply meant to make no stir in the wizarding world. They could still go out and have a fun night out in the Muggle world- Lord V would never know. "Let's go to the hotel before we make further plans for the evening."

The fellows walked towards the mouth of the alley. In the near distance they could already see the skyline of Manhattan and hear the sound of the never-ending traffic, when they passed a telephone booth that didn't seem to fit into the scenery ahead. It looked as old and out of date as if it was from the early days of Muggle telecommunication, and there was even a sign at the door that read 'out of order, which didn't surprise Raven.

That fact, however, didn't seem to bother some strangely clad people that occasionally emerged from the booth, only to disappear into thin air only a little later. They, too, looked as if their origin was way back in another century- of course, they were wizards and witches, Raven realized, and that telephone booth must be another doorway to the _Magical Manhattan Mall._

She shrugged indifferently, glad that they didn't have to go underground to the magically, artificially lit commercial centre of wizarding New York. Instead of having to spend another couple of hours in the dingy Asphodel Guest House, they were going to enjoy the pleasantries of room service at a decent Muggle hotel and she was already lost in daydreaming of a bottle of champagne in a bathtub, preferably with Severus. But then her fancy dreams burst like the proverbial soap bubble because there was still Regulus to be considered...and Severus would not indulged in naughty bathroom games with her, knowing that the whelp was next door. So they had to get rid of him.

She sighed.

On the other hand, they were in New York and a great punk rock band was playing tonight-

That very moment, a young witch stepped out of the telephone booth, looking familiar. She was hardly older than Raven, dressed in dark emerald robes, and she walked with the very same air of superiority that was common for pure-bloods. Except that she carried a frog in her hands.

_Or was it a toad_?

Whatever, Raven couldn't help but being reminded of an old T. Rex tune.

'_Did you ever see a woman_

_coming out of New York City_

_with a frog in her hand...'_

To her surprise, the corners of Severus' mouth seemed to twitch a little, apparently also recalling the tune. All was well between them, they were still on the same wavelength, thinking just the same... He was still smirking slightly when Raven, all of a sudden, recalled the witch's name.

"Mellisandre McMillan?"

The witch stopped and turned her head to stare at Raven in astonishment. "Raven? Raven Lestrange? And... um- hello Snape! What in Merlin's name are you doing here?"

"Mel!" Regulus rasped, standing rooted to the spot like a deer caught in the headlights, staring stock-still at the witch. His expression changed from disbelief to joy and then to guilt when she frowned at him and her face clouded with suspicion. Nevertheless, she kept her calm as her defences went up.

"Mr Black," she said politely.

-o-

It felt like a stab in the heart to hear her calling him _Mr Black_ when he could still recall her scent, the way she tasted- but he'd blown it. He'd blown it tremendously back then when his parents' opinion had mattered more to him than... love. And yet he glanced at her with all the hope that was left, hoping beyond hope that she might forgive him his betrayal.

"Mel..."

But there was no hope in her eyes. Instead, Mellisandre turned to face Raven as if she was the only trustworthy Slytherin around.

"What are you doing here?" She asked again.

"We... um," Raven was at a loss. She knew that the McMillans had emigrated to the Wizarding States of America for a reason- although they were pure-bloods, they had never agreed to Voldemort's propaganda of pure-blood supremacy, and that made them blood traitors in the eyes of his followers. But that fact alone did not mean that Raven could simply tell Mellisandre the true reason of their trip to America. She had to keep the Horcruxes a secret, even though it would probably please Mellisandre to hear that Regulus had switched sides. So she came up with the only reasonable explanation she could think of. "We visited my parents. You know, they moved to the States some years ago."

Mellisandre frowned, apparently not quite believing Raven's excuse for it merely explained her presence but not Regulus'. And while she was momentarily distracted, the frog in her hand took the chance to escape her grip. It leaped to the ground and tried to disappear in the shadow of the trash cans.

"Otis!" Mellisandre cried out as she scampered to catch the frog. Immediately, Regulus joined in the frog hunt in order to help the witch he was still in love with.

Raven was watching them- perhaps Mellisandre would loose her restraint, her suspicion, and the two of them could have a little chat while searching for the frog. Perhaps things could still turn out well for them, just like they had (almost) turned out well for her. After all, Severus had agreed to give it a try. They were sort of an item now, and he wanted to go to that gig with her- provided they found a way to get rid of the Black boy for a while... and here Mellisandre came in quite handy...

But then Severus spoiled the moment. He rolled his eyes heavenwards and sneered as he whispered a spell, and only a fraction of a second later, Otis the frog was sitting in the palm of his hand.

Severus tsked. "You really should be more careful with your potion ingredients, Miss McMillan."

_Oh dear, he's so adorably... clumsy when it comes to the mystery of human relations, _Raven thought, but she was probably the only one who found that character trait of him adorable. Regulus was not amused at all; he had hoped to score with finding Otis for Mellisandre so he could get back in her good books.

Now, he flashed Severus a dirty glance for being such a spoil sport, while Mellisandre let out an indignant shriek as she hastily snatched the frog from Severus' hand.

"Otis is NOT a potion ingredient! He's my little sister's pet! I took him to the wizarding veterinarian at _The Mall _because he had a broken leg."

"Um," said Severus, apparently quite taken aback about the witch's almost hysteric behaviour, "as it seems, the veterinarian did a good job..."

Quickly, he _Summoned_ an empty cigarette packet and _Transfigured_ it into a frog box for Otis, so that Miss McMillan could carry him home securely. Alas, the box turned out to look exactly like the bags that were usually used for potion ingredients.

Mellisandre was still upset; she turned on her heels and was about to take her leave.

"Wait!" Regulus cried out in an almost desperate tone. "Please, wait. Let me explain. I really need to talk to you."

There was so much he wanted to tell her, so many things that were left unspoken for too long.

"Please..."

She hesitated before she very slowly lifted her head to glance at him, uncertainty flickering up in her eyes. "Why? What's there left to say?"

"Anything... everything..." he stammered, looking like a lovesick puppy. "I... I was wrong,"

Severus groaned inwardly. The very least thing they could use now was a lovesick fool. But Raven said, "Come on, Mel, give him a chance and hear him out."

-o-

Severus did not approve of her interference, knowing the boy would bungle it, would talk too much, say too much... carry his heart on his sleeves, and in the end they'd all be in danger only due to Black's sudden desire to win back the fair lady's heart. And Raven was willing to grant them a chance because she was a romantic fool.

And yet, somewhere deep down in his very own heart, Severus understood. He, too, would have done anything just to get back into Lily's good books. She was the witch of his dreams, the only one he would ever love, but he didn't know if _love_ meant the same to a Black. Although they were partners in crime now, Severus still couldn't help but see the other, the hated brother when glancing at Regulus. There was just as much resemblance as there was distinction, and sometimes it was hard to act in an objective way when Regulus was concerned.

Apparently, Raven didn't have these problems; she had seemed to have come to trust the little Black.

_But was she right to trust him? Merlin, the whelp was not to mention the Horcruxes! He was not allowed to tell anyone of these damned Horcruxes!_

Gentle fingers were reaching out to get entwined with his own, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. Severus glanced up to meet Raven''s gaze.

_Trust in me,_ her eyes seemed to say.

Well, he did. Actually, trusting Raven was not the problem. Perhaps she was a tad too emotional sometimes, and she definitely carried her heart on her sleeves occasionally, but in the end he knew he could trust her when it came to judging people.

Although he knew that, he tried to deny it every time he was thinking of Lily since he refused to accept her harsh judgement of Lily... _she must err in _that_ at least_...

And then he felt guilty again because he had promised her to give it a try

-o-

"She agreed to meet me!" Regulus said, beaming brightly as he joined his friends again.

"Ah?" Raven arched a mocking brow at him. "Well, you just met."

The boy kept on grinning as if he'd just won the jackpot. "Yeah," he drawled in a dreamily tone, "I mean, we're going to meet later, in that American Muggle restaurant. There-" Lost in reverie, he pointed to the neon lights of Manhattan and to a big yellow M with a red background that could be seen from afar.

Raven recognized the logo and couldn't help but chuckle. "Oh well, now that's gonna be a very romantic date."

"It's not really a _date_," Regulus corrected her, although his eyes betrayed him; they took on a rather love-struck expression. "All she agreed to was to meet me at a public place and hear me out-"

"Don't even dream of telling her how you... so _heroically..._ destroyed one of the Dark Lord's Horcruxes only to get laid," Severus cut in with a scowl on his face, once again worrying that the boy might bungle it... after all, he was a Black.

"It's not my intention to get laid, Snape," Regulus hissed indignantly. "Don't mistake me for my brother. I just want to rectify what went wrong between Mellisandre and me because I was a fool to let her go. You know that feeling, Snape, don't you?"

_Oh no, _Raven groaned inwardly; she didn't like the direction the conversation was taking since there was a great potential for anger and... _unpleasantness_ ahead- as usual when it came to Lily. She didn't want to hear any of that now. She wanted to believe that things could turn out well, or at least as well as they were in the morning, in Hawaii, and so she tried to change the subject before Severus could say anything that would only hurt her. "Boys," she cut in, heaving a sigh. "Please, be good. There's no use bitching now. Let's just go to our hotel and talk things over there, alright?"

-o-

In the end, they agreed. Neither Severus nor Regulus were in the mood to argue. Regulus was smiling happily and Severus scowled at him, thinking he was a love-stuck fool. He hoped _he_'d never look as dumb as the boy, not even- no, he wouldn't think of Lily now. It wasn't... _right._ Not after what had transpired last night. He would try like he had promised to give Raven a chance. That much he owed her.

And the best way to get started was to get rid of the boy for a couple of hours. Therefore it was a lucky coincidence that they had met Mellisandre McMillan.

On the other hand he really feared that Regulus could act foolishly...

-o-

"I'm not an idiot, Raven." Regulus protested when Raven instructed him what he was allowed to spill and what not. "I know I cannot talk about the Dark Lord and his Horcruxes, although it would be so much easier to explain-"

"Yeah, but life's not easy and you already had your chance with Mel. It was your decision to blow it. I don't have to remind you of how much more is at stake now, do I?"

He shook his head no because he knew damn well; he was not like his older brother to whom life was just a big adventure, never fearing any consequences. Regulus, however, had already learned to face the consequences of his actions. That was why he was here, in New York. He had made a grave decision when he had turned to Raven and Severus for help that very day some weeks ago, and he didn't regret his choice. Finally, he was beginning to live his own life, which held a lot of exciting new promises and perhaps another chance with Mel. But it wouldn't mean the end of the world to him, should she choose to reject him because of his stupidity in the past.

"Alright," he glanced at Raven again, "now where did you say your parents live? I remember you told Mel we went to visit them."

"Las..." Raven changed her mind before she could say Vegas. Instead, she corrected herself and said. "Los Angeles."

-o-

Regulus didn't notice her little slip of the tongue but Severus arched a quizzical brow at her. She shrugged ever so slightly. It wasn't that she mistrusted Regulus- she had quite some faith in him, actually- but when all was said and done it was always better to be safe than sorry. Although she mightily doubted that Lord V bothered himself with things like geography (should he ever invade the boy's mind and see images of the sea), then he could still search all coastal towns of the Wizarding States of America and would never find her parents.

Severus gave a short nod of understanding. It pleased her to know that he'd figured her out and seemed to approve to her little lie for their wordless understanding of each other was a thing she treasured most in their... friendship? Relationship? What?

Yes, he had agreed to give them a chance, but so far he hadn't acted accordingly to that at all. She yearned for a touch, a kiss- anything.

-o-

If someone had told him that one day he'd feel very much at ease at a punk rock gig, he would have laughed out loud and thought it absurd. But it was true. Perhaps it really needed the rough sound of punk rock music, the wild beat of the drums, the crude accords of a screeching guitar and the cocky lyrics of a singer who rather yelled than sang, to make him not only forget but almost appreciate his upbringing. Here, he was at home- despite the smells of Spinner's End that seemed to be lingering in the air. His... _anger _that so often was the friend of his childhood, did subside when the music was loud and rugged, and he didn't even think of Lily then.

In the smoke-filled air of a dingy New York club, visiting a punk rock gig with Raven, Severus was completely at ease with himself. Within the punk rock scene, he was accepted just the way he was since nobody would judge him because of his poor background. The musicians on stage, the audience- they were all just like him and they didn't hide in shame because of it. They shouted out their anger as a protest for all the world to hear.

And yet, it was a silent understanding. It was to be found in a glance, a nod of approval- here, he didn't have to fake anything. He didn't have to pretend he was of purer blood or anything like that because these people didn't care about such things. _Be yourself, _the music seemed to tell him.

So he decided to give it a try and to finally pay Raven the attention she was craving for all day. Although he didn't like to display affection in public- it was too much like wearing his heart on his sleeves to be any good- he simply couldn't help but give in to her charms, and the way she kissed him made him feel just as dizzy as last night.

_Merlin_! He gasped quietly when they were in the hotel's elevator, going up to their room. _Why does it feel so damned good? So... __**right**_? Severus was certain that he didn't deserve this.

It would have been so easy to forget everything else and simply enjoy another night of bliss, but life was never easy. Even when they were stumbling in their hotel room, snogging and groping at each other in anticipation, he couldn't forget, couldn't blind out as completely as he would have wished. Instead, he noticed immediately that something was amiss.

They were not here to give in to frivolous amusement. They were supposed to share this very room with the damned Black boy. But Regulus Black wasn't there- well, he could have looked upon that as sort of lucky coincidence if not for the fact that apparently Black hadn't returned from his date with Miss MacMillan yet. And that made Severus frown.

Of course, there were about a dozen different explanations for Black's absence, but Severus' mind disagreed with the most plausible one- meaning the boy had found himself a girl and was having fun. Instead, he immediately thought of betrayal since he still found it hard to trust a Black.

-o-

Raven heaved a frustrated sigh. She knew that this wasn't the greatest love story ever told even if they had been snogging in the elevator only moments ago. Now, he was all reserved and brooding again. It sucked. Of course, they were just friends giving in to temptation, although he had promised to give it a try. In the end, he was not in love with her. _One couldn't try to be in love with somebody_- and yet, she was still alright with his decision, his attempt to have sort of a relationship with her. At least **that** was way better than to never get a chance of kissing him again.

At the very moment, however, his passion seemed to have dissolved into thin air because of Blackie's absence. It worried him- he was pacing the hotel room like a caged tiger, cursing Regulus Black for not being trustworthy and her for having faith in him. For the umpteenth time, he glanced at his watch...

Yeah, it was already past 3 AM and they were due the train to the airport in a couple of hours- meaning that Regulus still had time to return to the hotel, and she didn't doubt that he would show up just in time.

Nevertheless, Severus was worried.

She tried her best to soothe him, but it didn't seem to work until- finally- Regulus decided to grace them with his presence.

He simply entered the room with a smile on his face and was still grinning happily as he, unceremoniously, let himself drop onto one of the beds, heaving a sigh.

"I assume you enjoyed yourself?" Severus hissed with a dangerous undertone in his voice that, however, didn't seem to bother Regulus.

"Yeah," he drawled; that silly smile still being plastered all over his face. Then he sat up, glancing at his friends. "We met at a very strange restaurant where you had to get your food yourself and then it was delivered on a plastic tray-"

"Aw, no silver cutlery or fine china for you, Black? I reckon that must have been a rather... _traumatic..._ experience."

If Regulus noticed the sarcasm dripping from Severus' words, he didn't show it. Instead, he replied, "It was... _weird,_ indeed. But isn't it amazing what these Muggles come up with?"

"Well, a certain lack of style isn't one of their greatest accomplishments-"

"Ah, don't be such a spoilsport, Snape. The food was rather tasty, and after that, we took a long walk in the park."

"How very... _romantic..."_ Raven cut in, sounding almost as sarcastic as Severus. "Did Mellisandre enjoy it, too?"

The boy's face fell and he decided to hush that part of the story. Apparently, it hadn't gone that well, she gathered considering his reaction. In a softer tone she asked, "Well then, what went wrong?"

First, he merely shrugged. Then he said, "Nothing. Actually, she even said she still loves me." Regulus heaved a weary sigh. "Well, and I love her. But we can't be together- Merlin, I couldn't even tell her what caused my change of heart or why we're in the Wizarding States. I know, I'm not to talk about the bloody Horcruxes, though it would have made things easier to explain. I... all I _could_ tell her is that I've changed my mind about the Dark Lord, but without a proper explanation I doubt she believed me." Quickly, he changed the subject. "Now, when do we have to leave for that aeroplane station?"

"It's called airport," Raven corrected him; she just couldn't help it. Nevertheless, she noticed the sadness in his smile and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Look at the bright side, Reg. The less she knows, the less she is in danger- and you're aware of the fact that we're playing a dangerous game, aren't you?"

It was a poor comfort, and she knew that. When it came to matters of the heart, the least you wanted to hear was sensible reasoning. And yet, there was so much more at stake than a broken heart. He would get over it- after all, life's a bitch and not always fair; sometimes you just didn't get what you wanted. She knew that feeling only too well. Although Severus had agreed to give them a try, there was still the everlasting shadow of Lily Evans- Potter- looming over their newly... _relationship? affair?_... rendering it fragile.


	43. Edie

A/N: thanks a lot to my dearest beta, hypnotic inc, and to all of you who have reviewed, subscribed or favoured this story.

_marauderhater_: According to Wikipedia, '_modified pick up trucks were beginning to become popular and the sports of mud bogging and truck pulling were gaining in popularity'_ in the late 1970's. To me, that means it's very likely that Reg had indeed watched a monster truck event on TV in 79, even if monster trucks hadn't reached their height of popularity yet. After all, it was screened in the middle of the night. ;) Anyway, thanks for being so attentive! :)))

43- Edie

Regulus was in a sore state of heartache when they boarded the plane that would take them back home to London. He already missed Mellisandre- but he knew they couldn't be together, and knowing that she still loved him didn't make things easier. On the other hand, even without the Voldemort threat looming over their heads, he failed in envisioning a happy future for Mel and him. He knew of her dreams; she wanted to marry and have kids. He didn't know if that was also _his_ dream.

Sometimes, love just wasn't enough. There were too many things that got in the way. First, it had been his parents, who wouldn't have accepted her as a daughter-in-law because they considered her family blood-traitors. And he... he had been too fascinated by the Dark Lord's power. He wouldn't have changed his ways for her, although he had changed his ways in the end. Not for her but because it simply seemed the right thing to do.

Now, he realized, he had changed quite a lot. In fact, he had sort of _outpaced_ Mel in her rather liberal attitude towards Muggles, and he just couldn't imagine her sharing his fascination with Muggle TV or monster truck races. All she wanted was to live a happy family life in a wizarding world without blood superiority.

So he spilled a few secret tears for his lost love and decided to look on the bright side. Mellisandre McMillan was better off without him. She was safe in the States. The threatening grip of the Dark Lord didn't reach that far- at least not yet, and he was determined to not let it happen that his influence grew further than it already was.

Raven reached out to place a comforting hand on his arm; she didn't say much since there was nothing to say. She just knew how he must be feeling, and with that simple gesture she offered sympathy in a quiet way.

It was so typically Raven. She could be a rather gentle person, despite her spitfire attitude. And she really had a knack in figuring out people; she didn't even need Occlumency for that.

Of course, Regulus reasoned, it wasn't very hard to figure out his momentarily mood. Especially not for someone who was in love, too.

He just hoped that things would go... more _smoothly._.. between Raven and Severus, now that they seemed to have reached some sort of an agreement. Fortunately, Snape was not a total idiot, even though he did have some problems to fit into his new role as Raven's boyfriend. But then again, he was Snape, the nerd. Bookish, always up to the eyeballs in potion fumes, socially incompetent.

Nevertheless, Regulus had come to respect him, even like him, and he was beginning to see what Raven saw in him. He guessed that if you managed to gain Severus' trust, he was a great friend who'd never let you down.

-o-

Back in London, entering Raven's and Severus' flat in Soho, the friends were greeted with the most unusual sight. In their kitchen was sitting a blue-haired girl with a Mohican haircut, clad in black army boots and a too short skirt- and Kreacher, Regulus' spiteful but loyal house-elf. They were bickering at each other for all that's worth.

"… nasty scum of Muggle depravity!" Kreacher hissed, to which Edie replied rather calmly, "I told ye, ye've gotta let go of yer petty bourgeoisie way of thinking-" then she turned her head and smiled brightly at Severus and Raven. "Oh, ye're finally back! Were've ye been?"

"Abroad," Severus answered cautiously, glancing from Edie to Kreacher and back. And while the damnable house-elf made a happy dance around Regulus' knees, welcoming his master back, Raven's heart sank into her boots due to the realisation that Edie had found out their secret.

The International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy was broken.

Why was Edie here? Why had Kreacher let her in when he was supposed to **not** open the door?

On the other hand, Edie had apparently not fainted straight at Kreacher's sight, although he must look rather peculiar to a Muggle. Instead, she seemed to have discussed politics with the house-elf before they had entered the scene. _Was that a good sign?_

"Anyway," Edie said cheerfully and in spite of Severus' cryptic reply, "I had a very interesting conversation with our dear friend Kreacher. Admittedly, our political and ideological standpoints couldn't differ more- imagine, he's totally obsessed with ranks and blood status-"

"Edie!" Raven interjected.

The Muggle girl glanced at her and shrugged, "So what? I already figured out that ye're kinda different. Kinda... _weird_- but weird in the most positive way. I mean, more like... _mysterious._ Magical, Kreacher said. Witch and wizard. And I'm a Muggle now. Alright. So," she turned her eyes at Severus, "that stuff ye gave me for me hair- was that magical, too? A..." again, she was searching for the right word, "..._potion?_"

"It was just a magically enhanced emulsion," Severus corrected her and was suddenly feeling slightly uncomfortable, now that all eyes were directed at him.

"You gave her a _what_ for her hair?" Raven asked, a hint of jealousy in her voice.

"An emulsion similar to a Muggle hair tinting lotion but with magically enhanced blue pigments," he replied seriously, remembering the rainy day Edie had appeared at his doorstep, looking like a drowned rat tinted in blue because she had used ink on her bleached hair and wasn't pleased about the result. "Edie asked for my help, knowing I was doing _some kind of chemical research thing_ for a living." Severus didn't really feel the need to defend himself. He had deliberated the consequences and decided the risk worth taking, simply because he liked Edie. After all, she had kissed him once...

Now, that was something Raven remembered, too. It only spurred her jealousy, so she moved a possessive step closer to Severus ; she just had to point out that they were an item now, even though Edie had never tried to kiss him again. They were just friends, and if she was honest, she was glad he had friends like Edie or Jeffrey or the other guys they were hanging out with occasionally.

"Oh, woe is poor Kreacher!" The house-elf started wailing all of a sudden, and Regulus had trouble to stop him from banging his head against the wall. "Ugly, horrible, nasty Muggle made Kreacher boil tea! Horrible, nasty Muggle scum insisted to wait until Mistress Scum and her foul, big-nosed half-blood returns. What will good mistress say, Master Regulus?"

"Don't worry about that," Regulus tried to soothe the elf. "You won't tell her." Then he faced Raven and Severus. Admittedly, he found it quite fascinating to meet their friend. A Muggle! He hadn't really met many Muggles before- aside from the passengers and crew of the aeroplane, or in the underground, or pedestrians in the streets on both side of the Atlantic Ocean- at least not personally. And that particular Muggle girl was one of the most... _unusual_ he'd ever seen. Nevertheless, he couldn't help but ask, "Why is there no Muggle-Repelling Charm on this place?"

"Perhaps," Raven quipped sardonically, "because we have Muggle friends that like to come and visit."

And yet she was pondering the consequences, now that Edie had found out their secret. After all, it was dangerous to know in these times.

"But... but the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy-"

"She won't tell anyone," Severus assured him.

"Of course, we have to perform a Memory Modifying Charm on her."

"No."

In spite of Severus' refusal, Regulus reached for his wand. Only an instant later, it dropped from his hand and landed clattering on the kitchen floor, without him even noticing that Severus had intervened.

"I said no," Severus reminded him in a dangerously low, waspish tone. "There won't be any mind-altering of our friend unless it is absolutely necessary. We will explain Edie why it is essential to never speak about the things she learned today, and she will understand because not all Muggles are dumb creatures like the Dark Lord wants to make you believe."

"Wicked!" Edie exclaimed. "There's a Dark Lord who thinks we _Muggles_ are dumb? Because we can't do magic? And who is he anyway? Is he somewhat like yer ruler?"

"Fortunately not. We do have a Minister for Magic, who has about the same job as the British Prime Minister except that he isn't elected in a democratic way by all of the wizarding community," Raven explained while Regulus was picking up his wand and Kreacher let his bat-like ears hang low in misery. "The Dark Lord, however, is eager to overthrow our recent government and install himself as a tyrant ruler with the same depraved ideologies as Hitler in Nazi Germany, only that his Jews are all non-magical persons and creatures..."

"You don't have to give Edie a history lesson ," Severus chided her gently, a slight smirk gracing the corners of his mouth.

"So he's the big, bad, dangerous guy, and that's why it's dangerous for me to know ye've got those funny looking sticks ye can do magic with?"

"Well, there's more to that than just the recent threat. Actually, most wizards and witches are suspicious of Muggles due to historical events, like the widespread persecution of witches in earlier times. So in order to hide our presence from the world, the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy was first signed in 1689 by the International Community of Wizards- sorry, Sev," Raven flashed him an innocent glance, "I just don't know how to explain without throwing in some historical facts."

"I see," Edie nodded thoughtfully, "guess I wouldn't want to become a human pyre either, only because I can do something that others can't."

"People are suspicious of things they don't know or don't understand." Severus said, thinking of his father. If mother had tried to explain it to him, like Raven had just done... but no, it wouldn't have worked either. Mother was a pure-blood witch sharing the same ideology as the Dark Lord, though not in all its extremes. But it was a common way of thinking- most wizards and witches were indeed feeling superior to Muggles because they could do magic. In fact, he had often caught himself having the same resentments due to his miserable childhood, and he had only changed his mind when he had met some of Raven's Muggle friends who had offered him more acceptance than his own peers. Life was strange.

Edie shrugged. "Well, I don't know anything 'bout magic but I really don't care what strange things ye can do with yer wand 'cause I know ye an' Raven are fine guys, and that's all that matters." She turned her eyes to Regulus, focussing him for the first time, and for the fraction of a second her eyebrows (dyed blue just like her hair) went up in delight at the sight of him, for he was quite a handsome fellow. Alas, just as soon as she'd realized that, the corners of her mouth dropped in dismay. "I'm not so certain 'bout yer friend, though. He seems to be quite a posh little one, ain't he? Master Regulus- tsk, shame on ye, boy! What is all that hocus-pocus wand-waving stuff good for if ye have to keep slaves to do yer bidding?"

"Kreacher is not my slave," Regulus protested, but it sounded rather feeble. "House-elves are born with the urge to serve us wizards-"

"Nonsense!"Edie cut in fervently, "No one is born to be a slave. That's a totally priggish and narrow-minded point of view of someone who still believes that classes are all that matters. Or is it the blood status?"

"You don't know anything about us, about our values and traditions!"

"Fortunately not, for the little I found out while sharing Kreacher's company was sick enough. Ye're still living in medieval times, socially."

Meanwhile, Raven and Severus were exchanging glances and debated their need to interfere on a silent basis. In the end, they decided to let them bicker on for a little longer. Raven fetched a bottle of wine and opened it; then she hesitated, lost in thoughts.

Although Edie seemed to be totally unfazed about the fact that they could do magic, and she hadn't run away screaming blue murder upon the sight of Kreacher (even though the sight of a house-elf was not the most common for Muggle eyes) there was still a risk that had to be calculated. All in all, she had taken it very well- _but was it right to rely on that_? Raven wondered. _Was it right to endanger a dear friend with that knowledge? _For all that was worth, these _were_ dangerous times and she didn't want Edie to be involved...

"Don't worry," Severus said in a low tone as the took the bottle from her hands and poured her a glass of wine. "She can handle the situation. It simply wouldn't be right to Obliviate her."

"Hm, perhaps." She shrugged; she didn't want to do that either.

"At least she can handle Black."

"Aye, it's like a clash of elements, isn't it? Edie just loathes rich little pampered pricks that never had to work a single day for their living- except that Reg's not really that bad."

"He's quite tolerable for a Black."

Raven glanced at him and he offered her a wry smirk that made him look rather snogworthy. Alas, they weren't alone, and she mightily doubted that Sev would appreciate being snogged in front of an audience.

-o-

"Don't you fear I could hex you into next week for being such a nag?" Regulus asked irritated, thus interrupting Edie's lecture about the injustice of slavery and how all decent modern societies had renounced it, although there was still the arbitrariness of class systems to criticise, which she considered almost as bad as slavery.

"Well, aye, I guess ye could do just that, but that would only prove yer lack of sensible arguments," Edie replied confident, not at all impressed by the threat. She grinned at him. "Besides, I doubt Severus would let that happen- with Raven I'm not that sure. Methinks I was rather short of being hexed that one Christmas when I kissed him and she was quite mad at me..."

"You. Kissed. Snape? Why?" He was dumbfounded. Regulus had gotten used to Raven's weird attraction to the half-blood,but he hadn't expected any other girl to actually _fancy_ Snape, and he had already noticed that Edie was a hard one to impress. At least not with the fact of being magical, as it seemed.

"Why? Are ye daft? Gosh, he's damned hot. Just look at 'is legs in those tight black jeans- rock-star legs... like Iggy, Sid, Joe..."

"I beg your pardon?" Now Regulus was utterly confused. He really had no idea what Edie was talking about. Iggy, Sid and Joe were just as unfamiliar to him as was the Slavery Abolition Act .

"My," Edie groaned dramatically, "ye really are an ignorant little prat, ain't ye? D'ye know anything at all?"

"I am very well educated, thank you very much."

"No doubt 'bout that. I bet ye went to one of these posh, elitist boarding schools."

"I attended Hogwarts," Regulus replied proudly.

"Hog-warts? Sounds like a pig's disease."

"Hex her, Master Regulus," Kreacher interfered, plucking at his master's trouser leg. Then he realized that Master Regulus was still clad in Muggle clothing, so he quickly wiped his hands at his tea towel he was wearing. "Don't let that Muggle scum besmirch the name of the finest School of Wizardry and Witchcraft."

"Ah, a wizard school?" Edie asked and shrugged. "Well, did ye learn anything but hexing people there? And what music d'ye guys listen to if ye don't know Iggy Pop or Sid Vicious?"

Truth to be told, Regulus had to admit silently, grinding his teeth, music had never played a big role in his life. Simply because there weren't many wizarding musicians that really managed to entertain his generation, and Celestina Warbeck was probably not what Edie called a rock star. He realized though, as he recalled the posters on the walls of Raven's room (showing musicians in funny, unmoving poses) that they all seemed to have legs as thin as Snape's. Apparently, Muggles considered that attractive-

"Muggle Studies was optional at Hogwarts," Severus cut in,"although I doubt they would have been able to teach us anything about the popular Muggle music scene."

"Wicked!" Edie exclaimed. "Ye actually went to school with that prat?"

"Indeed."

"And there ye study... er, the lifestyle of _Muggles_?"

"Like Severus said, it's an optional class," Raven explained. "And it's quite a waste of time, if you ask me. But, you know, most of the wizarding folk have little to no knowledge about non-magical people since we're living in totally different worlds. At best, wizards consider Muggles rather peculiar in their way of mastering life without the help of magic."

"Oh, but we're doing fine with our technology. Or have ye magical folks been to the moon, too?"

"You have been to the moon?" Regulus asked confused, and he didn't understand what was so funny about his question that the girls had to start giggling like mad. Even Snape was grinning.

"Nope." Raven laughed, answering both Edie's and Regulus' question with that. Then she faced the Muggle girl again. "Ah, you see, some of us are quite ignorant about the achievements of modern technology. In fact, most pure-bloods are living in the same ivory-tower as Reg-"

"What's that pure-blood, half-blood or whatever-blood shite all about? Is that something like the old-fashioned idea of someone's blood being blue 'cause an angel o' God had pissed into it, making it holy an' all that crap?"

"Aye, kinda like that- although, science-based there is no such crap like pure or blue blood. It's just a divination humans came up with to classify the world and to justify inbreeding. In case of the wizarding world, those are called pure-bloods who have never mingled with Muggles. Half-bloods are born to mixed couples- just like Sev and I."

"Ah." Edie pondered that for a moment. "Does that mean you can only do half the magic than others?"

"Nah, not at all. Actually, some of the most powerful wizards are half-bloods."

"Interesting, eh?" Edie grinned at Regulus with mischievously twinkling eyes; they were of a softer shade of blue than her hair. "So ye have the edge over these pure-blood pricks since ye know both worlds."

-o-

Interesting indeed, Severus thought, that Edie came to the same conclusion as Raven always did, claiming it was a privilege to know both worlds. It wasn't a flaw to have one non-magical parent. It wasn't a flaw, either- at least not in the sense of carrying an everlasting stigma- to have grown up at Spinner's End. Those were simply things one couldn't change, just like you couldn't choose your parents or the environment in which you grew up. In the end, all that mattered was what you decide to do with your life, the way you chose for yourself.

He'd been wrong about which turn to take so many times. Now, he was feeling quite satisfied with the direction the road of his life had taken. But it wasn't all up his own merit; he couldn't take credit for that since it had been Raven who had set him straight so many times...

Severus stole a glance at her, admiring the patience she was having with him (although she wasn't known to be an overly patient person) and with almost the same patience she explained the basics of the wizarding world to Edie, who listened with interest.

And Edie was a clever girl, even though she hadn't been privileged to enjoy a good education. Nevertheless, she was intelligent enough to understand a fair warning when she heard one- perhaps that was the result of having a troubled childhood akin to his. Only that she hadn't been able to escape the violence at home by attending Hogwarts, or any other boarding school for the matter...

-o-

"Yeah, I got that," she replied after Raven finished instructing her, "I'm not daft, ye know. I won't tell anyone that ye're magical an' I'll pretend to forget I even know it since there won't be no wand-waving hocus-pocus in my presence anyway. For my own safety. And for yers 'cause of that Statute of Secrecy. I got all that."

And she was taking it all rather well. Of course, there had been a moment of- well, not quite shock but something akin to that; probably... bewilderment?... when Kreacher had opened the door to her. She had blinked and stared and blinked again, for he was quite an unusual sight indeed. A sight she had sort of sponged with her eyes because it was feeding her muse, and Edie was an artist.

At least, she liked to call herself an artist when being asked what she was doing for a living. Alas, her skills hadn't been sufficient to grant her a scholarship at the Art Academy- she, however, claimed that her art was either too vanguard or too… _subcultural_ for those petty bourgeois of the scholarship committee. Or, perhaps, her imagination was simply running too wild, too extreme... whatever.

But being an artist also contained her acceptance of the unusual, even the supernatural. She had always liked to believe that there was more between heaven and hell than meets the eye, and having found out her friends' little secret just proved her right. Although she hadn't witnessed a demonstration of their magical skills yet, Edie believed they could do quite remarkable things with that stick of wood of theirs. That was not quite as fascinating as Kreacher, the house-elf, was...

She wished for a pencil and a sheet of paper so that she could draw him- those huge eyes, the bat-shaped ears... all his many wrinkles barely concealed by the tea towel he was wearing instead of real clothes. And then she wondered if there were more interesting looking creatures like him in that strange new world she had been granted a glimpse at... alas, according to Raven it was a dangerous world...

-o-

Raven breathed a sigh of relief when Edie, Regulus and Kreacher finally left. She still didn't know why Edie had come to visit or why Kreacher had opened the door- sometimes, fate just did those things... and there was no sense in quarrelling with fate. Perhaps, there even was some deeper meaning in Edie finding out about the wizarding world. It didn't sit well with her but there was little Raven could do about it, especially since Severus didn't seem to share her concern... and then she got a little bit jealous again.

Of course, after Raven had given her a fair warning that one Christmas, Edie had never tried to hit on Severus again. She hadn't flirted with him, hadn't given him pretty eyes or anything like that- and after a while, Raven had resumed her friendship with Edie, who didn't bear a grudge but was quite understanding. Ever since that very day, Edie knew that Raven was in love with Severus. It was a secret they shared in silence, and Edie had been good at keeping that to herself...

And yet, ever since that very day there also seemed to be a special connection between Severus and Edie. He was more tolerant towards her and her quirks than he was towards others, and she was probably the only one in their group of friends whose friendship he accepted without restraints.

Severus really liked Edie. That much was sure. And apparently, he had also come to trust her, since he saw no need in... _messing_ with her memory. It was alright with him that she knew about them being magical- perhaps it was her acceptance of the facts that caused his lenience. Instead of calling them freaks (like many Muggles would have done) she seemed to consider their magic as a gift, a special skill, just like she was skilled at drawing.

There really was no need to be jealous.

After all, he had promised to give them a try. Raven only wished he would try a little harder. He hadn't kissed her since they had left New York, and she was dying for a kiss. Why was it always her who had to make the first step?

-o-

Severus was feeling a tad insecure now that he was alone with Raven. Before the departure of their friends (meanwhile, he had gotten used to calling Black a friend) their presence had prevented him from taking any action in the direction of proving Raven that he had been serious about giving them a try. He still didn't know if he loved her- what he felt for her differed so much from the feelings he had for Lily- but she was worth finding out if perhaps he could fall in love again. And he really, really wanted to kiss her again...

But if he followed his urge, wouldn't she think he merely wanted to bed her? Of course he wanted to sleep with her- very much so, indeed- but was it right to take advantage of her when he was still uncertain about his feelings? Besides, it was late already and he had to get up early in the morning for he couldn't miss another day at St Mungo's. So he decided to politely say good night and to give her a chaste peck-

It didn't work like he had planned. Her scent- both so familiar and intoxicating- seemed to overwhelm him when he moved closer; it reminded him of their night in Hawaii. Then she turned her head, gazing at him with eyes like summer skies, and instead of giving her a chaste peck on the cheek, his lips met hers. Only an instant later, they were snogging like mad.

How they ended up in her room, in her bed, he couldn't tell. All he remembered was that she whispered, _stay with me,_ and that he did. It was so very easy to forget his resolution to get up early, just like it was so damned easy to forget almost everything- St Mungo's, his apprenticeship, Professor O'Flaherty... even Lily- when he was in her arms.


	44. Father and Son

44- Father and Son

"I want you to stop dancing at that bar." Severus insisted some days later, sounding quite possessive; he hadn't liked her job before but now the idea of his _girlfriend_ presenting herself half-naked in front of an audience made him almost sick.

Raven frowned at him, wondering if it was jealousy she detected in his voice. Nevertheless, she countered, "Nah, I won't do that. To what point and purpose? We need all the information we can get-"

"We've got the Black boy now. He's well enough introduced into the Dark Lord's inner circle-"

"He's not! He's just one of his many followers and hasn't even proved himself worthy of that silly mark yet. You cannot possibly think the whelp could give a decent spy! It's much too dangerous for him."

"Ah, and what you're doing isn't dangerous?" He asked waspishly.

"In comparison- no. I'm just dancing and trying to keep my ears open in a relaxed atmosphere where people like to drink and to not watch their tongue." It was quite a safe thing to do. Nobody suspected a dancing, scantily clad witch to spy on them- to her audience, she was merely a body and her face was a mask. It didn't matter who she was or how she was called- even her blood status didn't matter. They came to see bare flesh and that's what they got.

Of course, Raven wasn't all too keen on wasting away her nights at Henri le Grand's _Red Lantern- _she was still dreaming of becoming an Auror one day- but she simply couldn't think of a better job to do at the moment. Spying on Death Eaters was her contribution in times of war, and it wasn't one that needed her to do any stupidly _heroic_ things.

But that was not the point Severus was really trying to make. _Could it be that he is, indeed, a little bit jealous? _Her heart was beating faster with joyful excitement_, _but when she finally voiced her thoughts he called them absurd_._

It hurt like hell. Although their... _friendship?..._ seemed to have proceeded and taken a new turn to a new dimension that was now spiced with kisses and long nights of sexual activities, she still hadn't heard him say anything like _I love you_ yet. Sometimes, when he was making love to her, she knew he did. Most of the time, however, she feared he could change his mind about their little arrangement and cancel it to spare himself for bloody Saint Lily with her everlasting halo, high up on the pedestal of glorification he'd built for her in his imagination. And then she got angry...

-o-

Arguing with Raven was always so very different than the arguments he'd had with Lily. Both witches seemed to share the same temper and were quite stubborn, but that was also where the similarities ended. When Raven was mad at him, she was like an erupting volcano, hot and impulsive. When Lily was mad at him, it was more like the coming of a new ice age and she wouldn't talk to him for days or weeks... the latest ice age was already lasting for three years, four months and a couple of days now- he'd lost count of it.

Raven was never mad at him for long. She'd say what she had to say, would even yell at him and call him an idiot, but then her anger would subside. Also, her arguments made more sense than Lily's because she didn't divide the world into black and white or into four houses; she didn't blame him for being a Slytherin. Sometimes, however, she'd roll her eyes and groan, _'Men!'_ , as if that was the worst insult she could think of (of course, she knew many more).

Tonight, their argument took a completely different turn. Severus couldn't recall what had transpired but it ended with a lascivious skirmish in bed, them groping at each other, tousling the sheets. He'd never thought he'd lose control like that...

"Look on the bright side, Sev," she said with a mischievous sparkle in her eyes, after she'd recovered her breath, _"they_ can gape 'till their eyeballs drop out of their heads, but you're the only one allowed to touch."

He wanted to reply it wasn't jealousy that had caused his concern, but then he thought better of it and remained silent. Still, he wasn't jealous. Alright, perhaps he was a tiny little bit possessive- after all, _she_ had urged him to give them a try, and he... well, he had agreed. It was only natural that he didn't like what his _girlfriend_ (how very strange that still sounded!) was doing for a living. On the other hand, she had come up with sensible arguments long before he'd lost control of himself, and he was always susceptible to good reasoning.

-o-

It was about a week later, on one lazy Saturday evening, when all of a sudden Regulus Black knocked the door and came rushing in, startling Severus and Raven.

"Merlin, I must be mad," he gasped as he let himself sink onto one of the kitchen chairs, wiping his forehead in a dramatical gesture.

"Perhaps you _are_ mad." Severus suggested kindly. "It could be a family disease."

Regulus rolled his eyes, fumbling in the pockets of his robes. He was all dressed up to the nines today, wearing his finest robes, which was not his usual attire when he came to visit them.

Instead of saying anything at all, he merely slammed an untitled book on the table. Actually, it looked more like a journal.

"Is that what I guess it is?" Raven asked while Severus' eyes widened. There was no affirmation needed, both of them knew what it was that Regulus had brought them. The journal reeked of evil, of the Dark Arts...

"What are you waiting for, Snape? Do away with it. You still got the Basilisk venom and a silver dagger, don't you?"

"How did you come by it?" Severus inquired as he casually prepared his dagger, not showing his excitement. As it seemed, the whelp had just delivered the second Horcrux- the very book the Dark Lord had given Lucius Malfoy to keep. And because they hadn't arranged anything like that, he was somewhat suspicious now.

"It's a long story."

"Pray tell."

"I don't have much time. Lucius expects me to show up at the _Red Lantern _for further celebrations."

At that, Severus shot a sharp glance in Raven's direction before she could tell Regulus that her shift would be starting soon. He didn't want her to be involved into any sort of trouble Black might have ignited. "You don't have to go into details. A short summary will do."

"Alright," Regulus nodded, "if you insist- tonight, there was a celebration at Malfoy Manor. Cissy's pregnant, you know, and tonight she officially announced the happy event."

"I'm certain Lucius is very proud. After all, he is married since five years already."

"Ah, I guess dear Cissy just worried about her shape," Raven threw in.

"Exactly. She's still not thrilled about gaining weight but after her father died this spring, she reconsidered her priorities and came to the resolution that it was time for her to accept her responsibility-"

"You're digressing!" Severus reminded Regulus. "What has Narcissa Malfoy's pregnancy got to do with the fact that you showed up here with a Horcrux in your pocket?"

"Like I said, there was that festivity at Malfoy Manor and everyone was invited- the Blacks, the Malfoys... all of our elite pure-blood circle-

"You're certain you don't just want to destroy that bloody thing, Snape?"

"You still haven't explained how you came by it," Severus replied cautiously.

"Well, since I knew where Lucius kept it, I decided to switch it with a fake one while everyone was busy celebrating."

"That was a rather foolish thing to do! What if somebody took notice of your absence or was watching you?"

"Unlikely," Regulus grinned, and it was uncanny how much her resembled his elder brother when he put on that grin. But very soon he put on a more serious face. "Snape, I'm not a total fool. I know Malfoy Manor like the back of my hand, and I know what these festive events are like; I was well prepared. I had this copy- a perfect reproduction I made when I received the invitation, knowing there was a fat chance for me to replace the Horcrux.

"Also, I knew that father would love me to get married, so that I will soon produce an heir to the most Noble and Ancient House of Black... he's ailing, if you must know. Therefore he pestered me with introducing suitable witches to me, one more annoying than the other..." Regulus heaved a sigh, remembering all these stupid cows. He'd always been the good son, the one who'd followed his parents' bidding- until he had realized that it was _**his**_ life. And he didn't want to get married any time soon. Breaking up with Mellisandre had been hard enough... even though- at that time- he still believed it the right thing to do. Because he believed he owed his parents to be proud of him, that at least they should be proud of one of their sons. But he'd been wrong...

"To cut a long story short, I had a perfect alibi," he continued after a short pause. "Do you still remember Angitia Bulstrode, Clementine's younger sister? No, probably not, for she's nothing special. She was one year below me and never stuck out for her intellect- unfortunately, not for her beauty either. Actually, she looks like a cow and is just as smart as one, but her blood is very pure and there had never been a blood traitor in her side of the family.

"Anyway, she's too dumb to realize me messing with her memories. I took her for a walk around the manor and I guess she still believes we were out on a romantic date when indeed I left her in the corridor outside Lucius' study to get that damnable Horcrux.

"Now, please, do away with it, Snape."

"Yeah, do it, Sev!" Raven encouraged Severus, who carefully prepared his dagger.

He dipped it into the vial of Basilisk venom... and hesitated for a moment, thoughts running wild in his mind. But then he unceremoniously stabbed the journal, ignoring its... _call..._ before his determination could waver. _Am I doing the right thing_?, he wondered briefly, for the desire to join the Dark Lord and to become someone... _special_ (just like he had always dreamed) seemed to flare up like a shooting star- and just as soon as that it vanished again, reminding him of the fact that it made no sense to wish upon a falling star since they were mostly space junk. And then he realized that that was quite a Muggle observation...

-o-

A couple of days after the festivities at Malfoy Manor, Regulus happened to find his father sitting lost in thoughts in the darkened library of Grimmauld Place, the Blacks' family home. He briefly wondered whether to ask him what was troubling him but quickly changed his mind. Mother always told him to not bother father when he was brooding, and besides, she kept on worrying about his ailing health.

"Regulus, is that you, my boy?"

He stopped, frowning at the almost too intimate, too familiar tone of his father's voice. Orion Black never grew soft. He was the patriarch of the family and as such he demanded respect rather than love.

"Yes, father." Regulus pondered whether to walk up the staircase to his room or to join his father in the library. He had already set one foot on the first stair since he desperately wanted to avoid another lecture about marriage and his duty to father an heir to the House of Black, but then he changed his mind. Something in his father's tone made him turn around. After all, Orion Black had been acting kind of strange lately.

It had started in spring, after Regulus' uncle Cygnus had died. Although he died a natural death, something about it must have triggered father to ward their home like a fortress, and he had come up with some rather peculiar spells these last days.

_Is there anything he fears_? Regulus wondered, but he couldn't come up with an answer and he doubted father would tell him. They never had a real conversation, let alone a discussion. For as long as he could remember, Sirius had always been the one in charge of arguments or quarrelling, just for the sake of it. Because of father's belief that the Dark Lord had the right idea, because he supported the purification of the wizarding race... so, according to that, things were going fine in the wizarding world. The Dark Lord was rising in power; Muggles, Muggleborns or blood traitors were dying every day- there was nothing to fear for Orion Black. Except, perhaps, for his own son's aims and actions...

Although Regulus doubted that father knew about that, a cold shiver was running down his spine when father invited him to join him for a glass of Firewhiskey.

Totally astounded, Regulus entered the library where Orion Black had meanwhile risen from his armchair and stepped to a small, wooden cabinet. With slightly shaking hands he filled two glasses of the golden liquid, offering one to his son. Regulus couldn't help but notice how weary his father looked- and that he had never been invited to share a glass of Ogden's Finest Single-Cask Firewhiskey with him.

"Are you alright, sir?" He inquired politely.

"Why, yes my boy, of course I am. Come, come sit down. Let's raise our glasses in a toast for the recently deceased."

Regulus did as he was being told but he kept on pondering about this strange event, especially when father asked, "Did you have a pleasant evening?"

He had been at the Red Lantern with Avery, Mulciber and two other guys, enjoying the show and waiting for a chance to have a little chat with Raven, in the dark alley behind the pub. Now that they had already destroyed two of the three Horcruxes they knew for sure the Dark Lord had made, she was quite keen to lay her hands on the third one. But that was a more tricky affair than nicking the object from Lucius Malfoy, for the third Horcrux was currently in the possession of Bellatrix Lestrange... and although she was Regulus' cousin, she was a much harder nut to crack than Lucius since she was really unpredictable. Well, some even called her mad.

Regulus still hesitated to underline that- he still recalled the pretty, dark haired girl from his youth who had turned into one of the most beautiful witches. He had adored her when he was young. She was the one who had taught him Occlumency even before his first meeting with the Dark Lord. But then, she had changed. And her change had come proportional to her rise in Voldemort's ranks...

But that was not what father wanted to hear now. Regulus nipped at his glass of Firewhiskey and mulled over his opportunities to escape the possible lecture to come. Arguments like, _don't waste your time, think of the future, get married, remember your responsibilities- do I have to remind you that you are the only heir to the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black?_

However, these arguments never came. Instead, father told him about a raid that had happened three nights ago, in which the Prewett brothers got killed.

Regulus frowned. Of course, he had heard of Gideon and Fabian Prewett. The name Prewett was not unfamiliar to him either, since his aunt Lucretia had once married a Prewett- and Ignatius was probably the only decent wizard of that name, for the rest of them were known to be blood-traitors. Nevertheless, they were distantly related.

And he was- to put it mildly- absolutely flabbergasted about the direction this conversation was taking, given that father seemed to be aggrieved about their death. After all, they were not only blood-traitors but also members of Dumbledore's Order of the Phoenix.

"I knew their father," Orion continued, and his voice sounded as if it came from a great distance, as if he was back in the past, "we attended Hogwarts at the same time. Of course, he was a Gryffindor like the rest of his family- but he was a fine wizard nonetheless. Head Boy of our year, great Quidditch player... ah, beating his team was always quite a challenge, although Slytherin won the House Cup in the end..." He heaved a sigh. "Horatio was determined and almost as ambitious as a Slytherin... what a shame he married that silly witch..."

Regulus was still wondering what this was all about, when father suddenly gave him a sharp glance and asked, "Did you participate in the murder of Gideon and Fabian Prewett?"

"No," he replied honestly. Fortunately, he hadn't yet been asked to participate in any of the Death Eater raids. His friends had already started mocking him because of that fact, but he almost prayed that it would never happen... _and perhaps the Dark Lord needed someone with a clean record for... whatever._

Orion Black stared at his son for a long time before he finally said, "Good. Now, don't get me wrong, son- I still agree to the Dark Lord's aims. The wizarding race has to be purified of all things Muggle."

Regulus thought of his experiences with the Muggle world (at that point, the image of a blue-haired, and just as annoying as she was fascinating, Muggle girl popped up in front of his mind's eye) and he silently chose to disagree. Of course, he would NEVER admit that in the presence of his father... but it was tempting, so very tempting...

For a brief moment it actually felt as if his brother's rebellious streak had struck him, and he was mortified. Then he realized that he had probably long caught up with Sirius or even surpassed him in being rebellious, only that he was less... brash about it. Unlike his brother's pesky ways, Regulus did not feel the need to rub everybody's nose in his change of heart, in his recent disagreement with his family's political ideals. His rebellion was a silent one, but effective. Probably more effective than anything Sirius had ever done...

"I-" Father continued, sounding as unassertive as if he was really weighing the consequences of trusting his son. "I am just not so certain anymore that the Dark Lord's means will really justify the end."

Regulus' eyes widened at that statement. _Could it truly be that father was getting cold feet, now that he had finally realized what the Dark Lord was capable of? And why does the death of some blood-traitors seem to trouble him so? _After all, his reasoning that he knew their father sounded so very... lame...

Orion downed his glass of Firewhiskey and refilled it. Then he glanced at his son again. "I don't want you to go on any killing spree for the Dark Lord. Stay close to him, but don't get too involved with his agenda-"

At that point, Regulus interrupted him by snorting out loud. Although he tried to be respectful towards his father, he suddenly got very angry and realized that he couldn't rein in his anger any longer. "Merlin's beard, father, I reckon it's a tad too late for that! The Dark Lord is neither known for his lenience nor for his mercy- as soon as you have pledged your allegiance to him, you are his. He doesn't accept any half-hearted commitments.

"And why does the death of those Prewett blood-traitors make such a difference anyway? In this senseless war, people are dying every day."

Orion Black chose to ignore his son's question about the Prewett boys. Instead he said, "I'm sorry, son. I really thought he would be the right one to purify the wizarding race- I never agreed to all that blood-shed. And most of all, I didn't want you to get involved too much...

"I'm glad to hear you haven't killed yet. That's not an experience I want you to make. And the Dark Lord doesn't have the right to demand that of you. You're a Black. Don't forget that you stem from one of the oldest and purest families in wizarding Britain..."

_As if __**that**__ fact would keep the Dark Lord from torturing me to death, should he ever find out about the Horcruxes we already destroyed,_ Regulus thought with a hint of sarcasm that he could have borrowed from Severus.

"… and therefore, he needs you. He needs the support of the old and established pure-blood families," father carried on, sounding more and more absurd since Regulus knew the truth.

The Dark Lord didn't need any of them, they were all replaceable.

And yet, there was a grain of truth in his father's words... although each and every one of them was replaceable, the Dark Lord needed followers to carry out his evil deeds...

"The Dark Lord needs pure-bloods that are willing to reproduce themselves in order to make their contribution to a strong wizarding community-"

_Oh no_... Regulus had already known that their conversation would- sooner or later- touch _that_ topic; he was just surprised it had taken quite a time to get to it. Now, all he could do was to steel himself for the lecture that was about to comes. A lecture about responsibility and the need to keep the House of Black pure...

He didn't want to hear any of that.

It was the same old lecture he had already imbibed from his infancy on, and he was sick and tired of hearing it again- on the other hand, Regulus loved his parents and didn't want to disappoint them, even though he already knew that he wouldn't be able to spare them the disappointment if he wanted to live his own life.

Sometimes, it was really hard to be the good son. Sometimes, you simply had to make a choice that wasn't favourable to your parents' wishes- probably that was one essential part in the process of growing up. Sometimes, you just had to speak your mind...

"Yes, father." He chose his words with care. "One day, I will marry. And perhaps that relationship will be graced with children, but-" Regulus had never openly opposed to his father's wishes but now seemed to be such a good opportunity to get started and he didn't want to waste it; the rebellious streak he had borrowed from Sirius flared up again. "I am not the stud horse for the House of Black. Nor will I marry to present the Dark Lord with suitable future followers- I don't want my children to become murderers either. I'm sorry, sir, but when I'm going to marry, I will marry the girl I love and not the one you consider appropriate for me."

He took a deep breath and waited for an angry response of his father, which strangely never came. Astounded, Regulus risked a glance at him.

Orion Black heaved a weary sigh and downed another glass of Ogden's Finest. Apparently, he was actually pondering his son's words instead of ordering him to step back in line and obey, which was a rare experience for Regulus.

He had claimed his independence- but what would it cost him? His parents weren't reserved when it came to... _purifying_ the family tree; he still recalled the very day they had blasted Sirius off...

To his surprise, father made no such attempts now. Instead, Orion rose from his armchair and walked to the staircase, pausing only the fraction of a moment to say good night to his son. Then he went upstairs, leaving Regulus sitting all alone in the abandoned library of Grimmauld Place.

-o-

Father never mentioned their conversation, nor did he blast him off the Black family tree for speaking up his mind. Instead, he took on a nearly possessive effort in warding the Black family home, warding it against Muggles and wizards alike, thus turning it into a nearly impregnable fortress.

It was an effort that seemed to consume him.

Regulus was worried since he knew that his father was of ailing health, but he refused to have another serious conversation with his son. In the end, there was no closure when his father died, leaving him all miserable and yet the sole heir of the Black's fortune and fame.

_Thanks to my dearest beta, hypnotic ink._

_Reviews are always welcome._


	45. Boy's don't cry

45-Boys don't cry

Raven wanted to support her friend and accompany Regulus to the funeral of his father, but Severus pointed out sharply that that was probably not one of her wisest ideas- to put it mildly; actually he told her downright she was a fool to believe she would be welcome at a pure-blood funeral only because her surname was Lestrange. It would only cause suspicion since she wasn't a real Lestrange, and questions about her origin would arise.

Besides, Regulus didn't need any support as he stated. He hadn't known his father well, and apart from their recent conversation, they had hardly ever talked... at least not more than polite small talk. It was the same with his mother. She was a stranger to him; a stranger who was slightly mad. But when it came to any feelings a child should have for his parents, there was a big void.

His parents had produced him- he wasn't keen to know how; there didn't seem to be much love between them, so perhaps his procreation had been sort of a close-your-eyes and think-of-the-Noble-and-Ancient-House-of-Black act. If he thought of affection or any parental care, there was another big void. The only parent figure he could ever think of was Kreacher, the house-elf.

Therefore, he didn't really mourn the loss of his father.

Of course, nearly everyone of distinction showed up at the funeral; even the Dark Lord graced the event with a short visit at the end of the ceremony. And there was a black, shaggy dog roaming the graveyard. It kept its distance to the funeral party but it seemed as though it was watching the event. Only when the last mourner was gone, it moved closer to the grave, sniffing at it. Then the dog lifted its leg and marked it.

"You know, you're really disgusting, Sirius." Regulus said. He had stayed behind after discovering the dog, since he knew that his brother was an Animagus. For a short while, the presence of his brother even came as a relief to him and he recalled the time when they were young, innocent boys and the best of friends. But that was a long time ago. Too much had happened. And despite all the differences Sirius had had with father, peeing on his grave was neither a decent nor a very mature way to find any closure. Of course, it was the nature of dogs- mixed with Sirius' very own rebellious streak and the brash, self-righteous behaviour of a Gryffindor.

The mutt woofed and wagged its tail; then it turned around and ran off, circumventing gravestones and jumping over graves.

Regulus rolled his eyes before he, too, left the scenery. Like any respectable wizard, he chose Apparation as a more appropriate form of taking his leave and catching up with the funeral party in his parents' home.

Immediately, mother approached him, complaining that he was tardy and how could he leave her alone for so long ( he hadn't been gone for longer than five minutes) on such a sad and exhausting day, knowing that the house was full of guests, and she needed help to delegate the house-elves. She also reminded him of the fact that he was now the heir of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black, therefore he was to act accordingly to his new position.

Regulus choked down a groan and hurried to entertain the guests before mother could introduce him to suitable and very pure-blooded wedding candidates like Clementine Bulstrode (again), Mira Burke or that German witch, Adelheid Schwarz, a distant relative.

Fortunately, the Dark Lord was no longer among the guests. He must have had more pressing issues on his mind than consoling the grieving widow of a wizard who had always hesitated to join his ranks. All that Orion Black had ever contributed to his cause was a generous donation and his second-born; a son who hadn't proved himself worthy yet... and Regulus had no intention to ever change that, although he knew he had to act with great care.

-o-

Edie simply didn't give a damn about the revelation that Raven and Severus were _magical_ and she was just a _Muggle; _it didn't change her attitude towards them since they were still the same people and things hadn't changed between them because of that- had they? They were still friends and she still liked to hang around with them.

There was one thing, though, that had changed. She was now aware of the magical world and its mightily interesting creatures, like Kreacher the house-elf. Ever since she had met him, she had been eager to draw him- their heated disputation that very day had forbidden her question if he'd sit for a portrait, and besides, she preferred to draw from memory anyway. That way she could focus on all the details she remembered and... exaggerate them in a cartoon and slightly caricature fashion.

And Edie did certainly have an eye for such details, Raven concluded after she contemplated her first sketches. Kreacher's pale eyes seemed to bulge the paper on which he was drawn; his many folds of skin wrinkled it ,and his bat-like ears seemed to be flapping like the wings of a bat.

Even Severus praised her skills, although he wasn't particularly known to be an art connoisseur...

Well, he merely said, 'It's well done' - but coming from him that sounded like a praise and Edie was happy. If only the guys at the Art Academy would recognize her skills. Or if only she had more models like Kreacher, inspiring her imagination.

Raven wanted to help her. She knew there was no point in trying to _Confound_ the whole committee at the Art Academy only to get Edie the acceptance she was yearning for, because Edie was just as stubborn as herself when it came to reaching things on your own. And she had refused Mad-Eye Moody's poor attempt to get her a place in Auror training with the ulterior motive to win her for Dumbledore's Order of the Phoenix.

Fortunately, it was much easier to please Edie. All Raven had to do was to produce a book. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander, a wizard who had devoted his life to the study of magical creatures and was a worldwide established expert in Magizoology.

Edie almost shrieked with delight at the sight if the most horrible, ugly and fascinating beasts, and she couldn't help wondering why (if they were in fact real- what Raven ensured her they were) she hadn't met a troll, a dragon, centaur, phoenix or unicorn yet. After all, those beasties were familiar to her. They were known in Muggle art and literature from the Middle Ages on.

"Hm, I guess that's got to do with religion and its influence on Muggles, making them fear anything magical or supernatural. Remember the inquisition and the persecution of witches in these times," Raven gave to consider. "The religious madness took on a form of fatalism, which also caused the drift between the magical and the Muggle world- it was much safer to not believe in anything the Bible didn't approve to, and so a lot of the old knowledge got lost."

"Wow, she really is a history geek, ain't she?" Edie exclaimed, glancing at Severus who merely smirked. But he smirked in a very affectionate way. It was a smirk that seemed to affirm her suspicion that there was more between Raven and Severus than they were willing to tell. Apparently they were an item now- of course, they wouldn't snog in front of an audience to prove it; it was more a matter of small gestures that told Edie she was right. With a smirk of her own, she turned her attention to the book in front of her again, flickering through its pages.

It was absolutely incredible! There were more weird, strange and fascinating magical creatures than she had ever dreamed of, and her fingers itched for a pen so she could draw them. And Edie desperately needed some good and inventive sketches. She couldn't wait any longer for the Art Academy to accept her; she had to make a living and she wanted to do that with something she loved doing. Drawing. And since she didn't care about the material she was drawing on, she had approached Spike, who was an established tattooist. But Spike wanted to see dragons and monsters and such stuff, so she had to come up with something special. Like that Mooncalf or an Acromantula, goblins, gnomes, trolls and ghouls and...

"Awesome!" Edie stopped turning the pages at the sight of a pixie that was just as blue as her own hair was. In her mind she had already collected a folder full of conceptual designs for Spike- he would not refuse her if she showed up with drawings of amazingly ugly creatures. "May I borrow your book for a while?"

"Sadly, no." Raven hated to disappoint Edie, knowing her friend didn't have an easy life. She wanted to help her but unfortunately there was- once again- the Statute of Secrecy to be considered. They had already taken a great risk by informing a Muggle about the wizarding world, and perhaps it had been careless or just downright stupid of Raven to show her the book in the first place, but there was an even greater risk if she lent it out. Although she trusted Edie to keep her tongue, she also knew that Edie shared a flat with three other girls... and she didn't trust them. Besides, magical books had a life of their own. Especially one about magical beasts. It could happen that, all of a sudden, it started to bite the fingers of whoever was turning the pages. Or that the pictured beast decided to shriek or howl- which was more than just unpleasant when it was a banshee.

Raven tried to explain all that, and then Severus came up with a sensible solution.

"You realize that we cannot let the book leave our place, where we are able to keep you safe of its magical impact and influence, but what we can do is to offer you a place you can come to and do your drawings."

-o-

Edie was pleased with that generous offer. She tried to not make a claim on it too often, for she wanted to allow Severus and Raven a bit of privacy, but in the end she did spend quite some time at their place.

Sometimes, the posh boy would show up there, too. In fact, he showed up there very often recently, bugging her with endless questions about the Muggle world. Some of them were mightily naïve while others seemed to be more elaborate. Nevertheless, Regulus Black was getting on her nerves.

Most of all, it was the fact that he was aristocratic. And Edie despised the offspring of the so-called upper class for their arrogance and for all the privileges they enjoyed while someone like her would always go away empty-handed. Just like the Art Academy was crowded with posh boys from well-established families but with no talent, and she (who was definitely more skilled than any of them but of working class) would never be accepted.

So, perhaps it was her last and only chance to live on arts if she could please Spike, the tattoo-artist. He might be her saviour, the one who would spare her from having to eke out a miserable existence as a temp in the supermarket for all of her life..And Edie simply didn't care if she presented her art on canvas, paper... or skin.

-o-

Raven had thought about hiding the _Daily Prophet_ that day, but then she had changed her mind since Severus would find out anyway. The news hadn't made it today's headline due to more important events, and yet you could always rely on that horrible Rita Skeeter to pester the wizarding world with gossip no one wanted to know.

The announcement was on page two. Lily Potter, nee Evans, was pregnant.

Although Raven had already expected that to come quite as a shock to Severus, his reaction hurt nevertheless. Her mood dropped several degrees when she watched him pale before his face took on a stony expression, hiding his feelings. But she knew him too well and for too long to not figure out his emotional state.

_His_ Lily was expecting the child of his worst nemesis. All of his dreams of a happy ending with the girl he loved dissolved into an even more unlikelihood and he seemed to be shattered about the near impossibility of winning her back for good.

It hurt to see him like that. And it hurt even more to know that the man she loved got all gloomy and sad about the fact that the girl _he_ loved was expecting the child of another man, who was- to top it all- his worst nemesis.

There was no point to put lipstick on the a pig; it would still remain the same old ugly beast of jealousy in combination with the ever-lasting question of why, oh why such an intelligent guy like Severus failed to see that Lily would never come to love him.

Well, perhaps the answer to that was that love knew no reason. Raven herself was the best example for it. Her pride had gone down the drain the very day she had begged Severus to give them a try, knowing quite well that he didn't love her. At least not like he loved bloody St Lily...

It was frustrating. Even more so since she had felt comfortable with their arrangement and the spark of hope that had arisen with every kiss and with all the times they had made love... and then her frustration gave way to anger. She didn't want to be the sad victim of her affection any longer.

"Well, what did you expect, Sev?" She snarled rather uncompromisingly. "They're married, so of course they have sex- and the likely result of sexual intercourse is pregnancy."

All of a sudden, Severus' face fell and he paled even more when he thought about the consequences of her words, and for once that had nothing to do with Lily and James Potter...

"Merlin!" He gasped, a hint of suspicion in his voice, and he seemed to lack his usual eloquence when he started to stutter quite awkwardly, "You and I... I mean... _we,_ um... we're having sex and- we never thought about... _contraceptives._ There are spells, even a potion-"

"Ah, now that's so typically male!" Raven exclaimed, sounding slightly pissed off. Apparently he was scared that _she_ could get pregnant- after weeks of making love that question had never troubled him. Great! "Guys never care until it's too late, and then they are shocked. In the end it's always the girl who has to take care of contraceptives, and believe me, Sev, I do. So don't worry- most certainly I'm not planning to foist a child on you, especially not in these times. Besides, unlike Mrs Potter, I can think of better things to do with my life than changing nappies when I haven't even learned a decent profession yet. Also, I wouldn't want to lose my current job by ruining my shape with pregnancy."

Severus heaved an inaudible sigh of relief. So he was out of the wood concerning that. At the same time, however, he felt a sharp pain of regret and he didn't know where that was coming from since he most certainly didn't want to father a child now; not in these times. On that point, he totally agreed with Raven.

"I'm sorry," he said, which seemed to take the wind out of her sails. "We should have talked about it earlier. You know I'm usually not that careless."

Raven rolled her eyes. Sometimes she could kill him for the influence he had on her, especially when he stood there, looking all contrite. Then she wanted to kiss him for still being kind of awkward in social interaction and also in his relationship with her.

Nevertheless, she was still a little angry about his reaction concerning Lily's pregnancy. _Would he ever get over her?_

"I know," she said in a more placable tone. "Shit happens. Now we talked about it so all is fine, and I don't care what you're doing tonight but I want to go out. Join me if you like but please don't spend the whole night brooding about the injustice of life only because bloody St Lily is with Potter's child."

In the end, he joined her. It was her night off and they had long planned to meet their friends at the gig of a new band he liked; even Regulus wanted to come along. The whelp was keen to make his first experience with the Muggle night life, as he had stated.

-o-

Severus didn't regret his decision. Actually, he even had fun that night. Mostly due to Regulus' amazement about the night life of Muggles and the way he kept looking around saucer-eyed. Severus had to elbow him occasionally, reminding him to keep his mouth shut so that people wouldn't start staring because the boy was apparently still wet behind the ears- at least when it came to Muggle subculture entertainment.

But then Edie showed up and Severus left it to her to get pestered with Regulus' greenness. He simply gave him the good advice to buy her a beer for her effort, before he focussed his attention on the band on stage.

Therefore, Severus didn't notice how much Regulus had taken his advice to heart. The boy had not only changed some Galleons into Muggle currency this morning, he also was very generous in spending it. And very eager to try Muggle beverages. He was already a sucker for Coke but now he also developed a liking for Muggle beer (which was considerably stronger than Butterbeer) and since he considered it polite to clink glasses with Edie when he was buying her drinks, he soon made his first experience with gin and vodka...

-o-

Strangely, Severus hadn't thought of Lily all night, he reflected when he was lying in bed with Raven later that night- or rather, early in the morning. It was so easy to forget when he was with her, and holding her in his arms felt just so very... _right._

He wondered why. _How did we end like that again, making love as though nothing had happened?_The news of Lily's pregnancy had shattered him, leaving him hopeless and disillusioned. Also, the argument with Raven had taken its toll on him. He realized that his reaction must have come like quite a blow to her, since most girls didn't want to hear from their lover that he absolutely dreaded a possible pregnancy, and especially when he hadn't done anything to prevent it. Fortunately, she had made it unmistakably clear that she didn't intend to have children any time soon. And yet, he was feeling miserable about it...

"Raven?" He whispered, caressing her cheek. They had hugged during the gig; it simply was her way to express joy, but holding her in his arms seemed to always provoke a certain... _hunger_ in him. He would have felt bad about that if his need hadn't been greeted with the very same sentiment. Although she was still marginally mad at him, they merely had to look at each other to decide it was about time to go home and indulge in a wild snogging frenzy that soon landed them where they were now. Between the tousled sheets of her bed.

"Um-hm...," she replied sleepily as she opened one eye to give him a weary but satisfied glance.

Gently, he wiped an unruly strand of hair off her face, looking for words to express- not what he was feeling that very moment but what he needed to say. "I... I didn't want to sound rude, earlier on. I must admit that the very idea of you getting pregnant startled me, even shocked me. That doesn't mean, however, that I totally abhor the idea in general. Perhaps, one day, I will appreciate it. But not now. I'm glad we agreed on that. And I'm sorry for being a mindless berk and not having broached the question of contraception before."

Instead of giving a reply, Raven simply reached out for him and pulled him closer so that she could kiss him. It were moments like these that made her believe she still stood a chance to win him for good; in moments like these she simply knew he loved her although he himself wasn't aware of it. But if he could possibly imagine to have kids with her one day- even though she didn't want any (at the moment)- all was not lost. There was still a chance, still a future for them... a future without Lily being her constant rival...

-o-

Despite the night they shared, Severus was in a broody mood the next day and so Raven decided to serve them a nice meal. She was just pouring the spaghetti in a colander when there was a knock at the door and Regulus Black entered, looking kind of battered.

"You alright?" Raven asked worriedly, fearing he'd probably had an encounter with the Dark Lord. So close to Christmas he was quite generous with using the Cruciatus Curse on his followers-perhaps he thought that an adequate Christmas present to ensure their loyalty.

"Nooo," Regulus groaned. Wearily, he sat down at the kitchen table, wincing as he did so.

Raven then recalled that he had given in to the many pleasures of the Muggle world last night, and she was almost annoyed at herself for worrying about him. Apparently, he simply had a hangover.

Severus seemed to be thinking just the same. "Do you want me to brew you a hangover potion?" He sounded slightly irritated- just like Raven, he would have preferred a calm and mostly undisturbed evening. It bugged him that the boy was always hanging around with them.

"Ugh! I can do very well without any of your foul-tasting potions, Snape. Thank you very much."

"So what do you want here?" Severus asked brusquely, always the perfect host.

"Sympathy..." Regulus lifted his head and sniffed the air for the wavering, aromatic fumes coming from a pot of tomato sauce still simmering on the stove. "Is that garlic I smell? Basil, thyme and rosemary?"

"Oh, do you want to join us for dinner?" Raven asked with a hint of sarcasm in her voice since he had almost invited himself already. She heaved a sigh. Although she had wanted to spend a quiet evening with Severus, she simply couldn't send Regulus away. There was something wrong with him. He wasn't just suffering from a hangover...

"Yes. Thanks!" The boy beamed at her, trying to hide the pain as he fidgeted in his chair.

"Reg, what happened to you?"

"I'm fine."

Almost simultaneously, Raven and Severus arched a sceptical brow at him, reminding the boy that it was always wiser to tell the truth.

"Alright, I'm not. Are you satisfied now? I got drugged, seduced, abused and marred by that horrible friend of yours."

"Aw, poor ickle Reggiekins," Severus' voice was dripping with sarcasm. Of course he knew who Regulus was talking about and so did Raven. "Now what did that horrible girl do to you? I can assure you that you don't look exceptionally marred to me..."

"Ah, and what's that?" Regulus snarled as he stood and let down his pants for all the world to see a very realistic portrait of Kreacher, his favourite house-elf, inked on his arse.

"It looks like a tattoo," Raven observed quite correctly before she started snickering. Only a moment later, she was laughing out loud.

"That's not funny!" Regulus snapped indignantly.

"Well... actually, it is." Severus said mightily amused and it didn't take long until he, too, was laughing. Regulus Black had a portrait of Kreacher tattooed on his arse. "How did you come by _that_?"

"I told you!" Regulus tried to pull up his pants before Raven could fetch her camera to make a picture of his backside but failed. "That malicious friend of yours abused my generosity by making me drunk on that awful Muggle booze, then she seduced me shamelessly, and before I could react, I found myself committed to the mercy of a brute-looking Muggle with blond, spiky hair, instructing her how to use those needles on me-"

"Ah, and the heir of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black, a mighty wizard with profound knowledge of the Dark Arts, was absolutely helpless in that... _dire_ situation?"

"Stop mocking me, Snape! Didn't you listen? She drugged me!"

"Hmmm," Raven gave to consider, smirking broadly, "as far as I recall, you were paying for the drinks- now tell me more about the... _seduction._ So you and Edie-"

"Yesss," he hissed, "we had sex. So what? She hates my guts. She merely used me to get a victim for what she calls... _art._"

"Well, from what I've seen, the tattoo looks well done. So even if she truly hates your guts, she definitely appreciates your arse."

"Very funny. I'm marred forever..,"

"Ah, stop being so overly dramatic!" Severus interjected, slowly losing patience with the whining whelp. So he had a tattoo of Kreacher on his behind now- at least that was much easier to conceal than the mark Lord Voldemort left on his most loyal followers. "Just try to hide your affection for Edie Summers the next time you meet the Dark Lord."

"Believe me, Snape, I feel absolutely no affection for that awful Muggle girl!"

Severus and Raven exchanged a brief glance, knowing even without the help of Legilimency that Regulus was lying. He might not like Edie, but he most definitely had a crush on her- otherwise, she wouldn't have managed to get a wizard in Spike's tattoo studio only to get _marred _by her.

Much later, they found out, by chance, that Regulus had even paid for the oh-so-harsh treatment of his arse. He had paid for the ink as well as for Edie's further training, so the experience couldn't have been as traumatic as Regulus made it appear …

.


	46. Boulevard of Broken Dreams

46- Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Christmas time in the Muggle world was a time of peace and contemplation... well, not quite. It was rather a time of commerce, of crowded streets and hectic people on the hunt for the ultimate Christmas present.

In the wizarding world, there was no peace and contemplation either. The Dark Lord didn't care for such things and therefore there was no holiday on his way to power. The war between the forces of good and evil seemed to reach new heights with every day that passed.

One day, the _Daily Prophet_ mourned the death of eleven innocent bystanders- mostly children- when a group of Death Eaters attacked Diagon Alley in broad daylight to clean it off Muggleborn shop owners. A squad of Aurors intervened, and all of a sudden there were also some members of the Order of the Phoenix joining in the battle. In the end, neither side won. The Death Eaters Disapparated soon after Headmaster Dumbledore gave a surprise visit. He sent away his loyal followers and left it to the Aurors to handle the mess. The mess were eleven dead bodies.

It was a horrible tragedy, and it wasn't one the officials were eager to solve. Days later, it was still unclear whose spell had killed which victim and it was likely that the parents would never find out who was responsible for the death of their child. They had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and time would heal all wounds, they said at the Ministry. It was a poor comfort for the bereaved but the only one the Ministry of Magic was going to offer. Of course, they would never admit that an Auror could have possible killed any child with a ricocheting spell when it was so much easier to put the blame on the Death Eaters.

Their attitude angered Raven just as much as it angered her that she hadn't seen it coming, and she blamed herself for not having paid enough attention on what the clients of the _Red Lantern_ were talking about.

"You cannot know everything that happens," Severus chided her gently when she complained about her failure, her inadequacy, "and you cannot spoil each and every of the Dark Lord's plans. He will get suspicious if you do, and believe me, you do not want to attract his attention."

"Yeah, I know!" Raven replied stubbornly. "But I'd feel much better if the victims were some of Dumbledore's kid soldiers instead of real kids. I mean, they just left Hogwarts for the holidays and were happy to be with their parents again... and then a ricocheting spell ends their life. It's not fair!"

"Life isn't fair," Severus gave to consider.

His voice sounded dark and tempting in her ear, and she gave in to her need to snuggle up to him.

"You know, Sev," she said after a while, "methinks- and I don't want to defend the Death Eaters now- that the Ministry is all too happy to put the blame on _them,_ and therefore they don't press further investigations. But it's a lie if they say they cannot tell whose spell killed what victim since it _is _possible-

"I'm still studying my books on Auror training. There are ways to find out who cast which spell, even if it ricocheted in the greatest mess of duelling opponents." Raven heaved a sigh. "Alas, most Aurors don't give a damn about the more subtle or scientific approach; they think they're doing a great job if they can simply press a testimony without having to bother with such tedious things like evidence, and the Ministry will always be keen to sit it out until the dust has settled."

Although Raven still wanted to become an Auror one day, her words made Severus wonder if that was really the perfect job for her- he knew she was a sucker for evidence, for all the small things you can find at a crime scene, and she admired Muggle forensics...

"I think they merely want to cover up the fact that the Aurors are free to use Unforgivables like the Killing Curse now." Raven finished her rant.

Severus didn't reply. He knew from Regulus that her assumption was indeed true since the whelp had told him about some losses the Death Eaters had suffered lately, among them a guy he remembered from school, called Wilkes, who wasn't even a hardcore Death Eater.

He didn't care about Wilkes, but his death (along with the recent events) reminded him of how dangerous her little spying game was and he wanted to ask her to stop it. But he knew as well that she was much too stubborn to follow his well-meant advice. Raven believed in what she was doing, and although he didn't appreciate her means (presenting herself scantily-clad in front of an audience), he definitely appreciated the ends of it. After all, she had actually helped to save lives by doing what she was doing, and he was proud of her because of that.

So he gathered her in his arms and hugged her, breathing a kiss on her temple. Knowing he couldn't stop her from going out dancing at the_ Red Lantern _tonight, he simply told her to be careful.

"The Dark Lord might be seeking revenge for the fiasco in _Diagon Alley_."

-o-

Raven kept his words in mind. It flattered her that he really seemed to worry about her safety (on the other hand, they were best friends, so of course he cared). Nevertheless, she was more cautious than usual when she parked her Harley and entered _Knockturn Alley_ through the concealed gateway nearby, like she was doing almost every day.

Tonight, though, she almost immediately seemed to sense that something was... _wrong._ It wasn't anything she could see or hear; it was just a strange feeling...

She drew her wand. Slowly, she proceeded, looking around attentively.

Still, there was nothing suspicious to be seen.

And yet, she was on alert as she was inching closer to the _Red Lantern. _

There was a group of clients, Death Eaters, approaching the bar from the opposite direction. She recognized Mulciber, Avery and her not-cousins, accompanied by three or four other guys she wasn't familiar with; she had seen their faces before but didn't know their names.

All of a sudden, she heard the sharp POP of Apparation. Two out of four Marauders appeared out of thin air, right in front of the approaching Death Eaters. They had drawn their wands, looking as though they were going to attack the Death Eaters with Gryffindor bravado even if they were outnumbered by them- well, at least Lupin gave the impression of bravery whereas Pettigrew looked like he'd wet his pants any minute.

Mulciber was just laughing contemptuously at the two sad opponents, when more Order members came creeping out of the shadows of Knockturn Alley, slowly circling the group of Death Eaters.

Fortunately, Raven had kept a comforting distance, therefore she hadn't been noticed by either side yet. Eager to keep it that way, she was now searching for an escape route to not get involved into any sort of fighting that was about to start soon.

Next to her, there was a house with a low roof. If she could get onto that, she could easily crawl over it in order to get to the backyard of said house, and that- she knew- opened to a small alley that also crossed the backyard of the Red Lantern.

So she climbed onto the roof. Meanwhile, down in the street, a fight had begun and the air was brimming with magical energy. But the air was also brimming with a strange sound- it almost sounded as if a flying object was getting nearer. On the other hand, it also sounded like a motorbike...

Raven looked up. And rolled her eyes at such a... typically Gryffindor appearance. The manoeuvre was just as reckless as if was the testosterone-influenced showing-off of two brats riding in on a flying motorbike- _Curtains up! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the fabulous Mr Sirius Black and Mr James Potter, hurrying to save the world!_

Their attitude made her want to vomit, especially since there wasn't any need for them to save anyone; it were the Death Eaters that had been attacked while they were on their way to spend a frivolous night out.

Raven decided that she'd seen enough; she couldn't suffer any more Gryffindor bravado and she didn't care who'd win that battle. Most likely, she would read all about it in the next issue of the _Daily Prophet_. Besides, it was getting dangerous up there on the roof with all these untamed spells and curses flying around. On the other side of the alley, a house had already caught fire.

She was just about to leave her observation post when two things happened. Lord Voldemort himself made an appearance and, almost at the very same time, Pettigrew turned into his Animagus form and scampered away.

_Why was _he_ ever Sorted into Gryffindor?_ Raven wondered, although she had to admit that the Dark Lord was quite a scary fellow indeed. It was the first time she ever saw him in person and even from a distance she could feel the power he radiated. But she also noticed the price he'd paid for his power. He'd been such a pretty boy once, and now he looked like an experiment that had gone wrong, as if a crazy scientist had tried to interbreed a human with a snake. Even Frankenstein's monster looked cute in comparison to Lord V- also, the monster wasn't keen to rule the world; he was merely striving for acceptance and affection, things that He-who-used-to-be-Tom-Riddle most certainly didn't care about. You don't split your soul into whatever-many pieces if it's love you want to find...

Since Raven preferred to not be noticed by him, she finally took her leave. Carefully, she moved across the roof to its other side and cast a quick glance in the alley below. It was deserted, just like she had guessed... or hoped. She didn't use any magic as she jumped down- a Cushioning Charm would have granted her a softer landing, but she'd rather put up with a scratched knee than attract the Dark Lord's attention. And she simply _knew_ he was capable of noticing her if she used magic.

Still limping a little, she finally entered the Red Lantern through its back entrance. The girls were already there, all dressed up to entertain the clients; but there weren't any. The bar was empty and Henri kept on glancing at his watch, as if that damnable thing had decided to play a horrible joke on him.

"You're late," he accused Raven without taking his eyes off the watch.

"Yeah, but even if you stare at the clock for the whole night, I fear there won't be any customers tonight," Raven replied nonchalantly.

"What do you mean- no customers?"

"Well, your charming Death Eater clientèle is currently fighting some of the supposed-to-be good guys in the alley outside, and I guess they won't be in the mood for entertainment after it. If they survive, that is. By the way, how are your fire-protection wards, dear Henri? I hope you didn't save money on them since a house down the alley is already in flames."

Henri blanched but waved her worries aside, before he answered indignantly, "My fire-protection wards are perfectly fine, thank you very much." Still looking quite green around the gills he huffed, then. "No customers... that means no business! They're going to ruin me with their stupid war!"

"Aww, poor Henri," Raven teased him. "Methinks, though, that you won't be bankrupt even if you have to close the _Red Lantern _for one night."

"You have no idea, girl..."

"Well, perhaps not. But you could at least try to bring your most valuable... _assets_ to safety."

Henri glanced from his cash register to the little box in which he usually kept his 'tax-free' earnings, and from there to his safe.

Raven rolled her eyes at such an obvious display of commercial greediness. But that was typically Henri.

"I was talking about us, your devoted employees. The girls that made you rich and filled your pockets with jingling Galleons, you know?"

"Oh..." Henri stared at her as if he was seeing her for the first time. Then he quickly filled his pockets with as many satchels of gold he could find on the spur of the moment, before he finally decided to head Raven's advice. "Well, yes, alright then. You lead the way and bring us all to safety."

-o-

It was a tedious night. Raven had definitely not expected it to be that effing hard to get a group of girls plus Henri out of the _Knockturn Alley_ district and from her favourite parking place in a Muggle backyard through Muggle streets to the _Leaking Cauldron_, where they could take the Floo network to get home safely.

Henri was complaining about tonight's losing bargain and the girls kept changing from hysteric to nagging mode and back. It didn't improve the situation that the Muggles were staring at their strange fellowship- fortunately, it wasn't that unusual to see unusually clad people in the streets of London.

Raven was glad when she was home at last. Of course, she just had to report tonight's events to Severus, even if that meant waking him since he was already asleep in her bed, as it had become a habit of his when she was working late. But he was a light sleeper, so he was wide awake almost as soon as she entered the room. And he was relieved that she hadn't done anything more stupid than lingering on a roof, watching the fight.

He couldn't even chide her for that. Severus knew she had been careful, or at least as careful as her natural curiosity required. Still the very idea that the Dark Lord himself had been there gave him the creeps since he didn't want Voldemort to ever notice Raven.

The next day, the _Daily Prophet_ reported in full length about the incident. It filled a whole page without saying much, or at least not more than he already knew from Raven. But unlike her, the reporter praised the heroic appearance of Mr James Potter and Mr Sirius Black, riding to the rescue of their fellows on a flying motorbike. According to him, it seemed as if they alone had put the Death Eaters to flight and defied Voldemort. Not a single word about the fact that it had been a put-up affair, that the Gryffindors had attacked first.

"Who wrote that bullshit?" Raven asked as she incredulously glanced over Severus' shoulder until she spotted the 'journalist's' signature. "Ah... Rupert Patterson. D'you remember him, Sev? He was one or two years above us and a fervent admirer of the Obnoxious Two, an absolute lickspittle. I guess it would make his day if he could manage to split himself in two and crawl deep up both their arses to die there in brown-nose heaven."

Severus almost spit his tea over the _Daily Prophet_, coughing, "Sometimes, you are incredibly foul-mouthed, my dear. But right nevertheless. Yes, I do remember him. Vaguely. He didn't seem to have much intellectual potency …"

"Perhaps that's what got him a job at the _Daily Prophet_?" Raven suggested, which made Severus chuckle darkly. She simply loved that sound, and so she snuggled up next to him, a mug of coffee in her hands. Life was good.

-o-

They spent a rather peaceful Christmas. Severus had agreed to accept his father's invitation this year, and so Raven was looking forward to some delicious, home-cooked Italian food. Everything was fine. It even seemed to her that Severus was slowly beginning to get on with his father, although on a very cautious basis; he simply couldn't forget the misery of his youth, the constant fighting between his parents- he knew it wasn't all his father's fault, but probably it was exactly that fact what made it even harder for him to forgive and forget. It was a paradox he was aware of, but for most of his life he had been told (or had been made believe) that his misery was solely due to the intolerance of Muggles, that _they_ were to blame if a relationship between magical and non-magical people didn't work. But that was only part of the truth. Using the example of Raven's parents, he had learned- almost too late- that it always required two willing parts for a relationship to work... both a friendly and a romantic one.

And so he finally offered his father an inch, and Tobias Snape accepted it with an almost shy smile; at long last, he'd come to terms with his magical son.

But whenever Severus thought that life was treating him well, he had to learn that life wasn't fair.

It didn't start right after the meeting with his father. Perhaps, Fate was still waiting for the opportune moment to give him a hard blow. For the moment, however, it cradled him in a false sense of security, even though he was careful to not rely on the fleeting feeling of happiness.

Severus decided it was wise to leave as soon as it was polite, reminding Raven (who was lively chatting with Anna) that they were awaiting visitors at home. It the past years, it had become a habit of their Muggle friends to drop by for a drink or two (after they had fulfilled their mandatory Christmas fun at their family homes) and thus turning Raven's kitchen into a haven for all the deniers of Merry-Christmas... cretinism.

He liked that. Severus had long given up the childish idea that the mere fact of it being Christmas, time of peace and playing happy family once a year, could remedy all that had happened the past twelve months, since one single day of feigned feelings just didn't recompense for a whole year of harassment you'd had to endure...

On the other hand, he was willing to give father a chance because he'd come to believe that Tobias Snape wasn't the only one to blame for his miserable childhood; mother had played her role as killjoy quite well, too.

But he didn't want to think about her now.

Severus and Raven Apparated back to their flat in London, and soon after that, their friends started to drop in. Jeffrey and Andy, Sid and Joanna, Edie- she was the first who came to visit, slightly drunk already since she didn't have anyone else to visit for Christmas, after she had broken with her family for good, some years ago.

She always stated that she loathed Christmas, and yet she was the only one who had presents for Severus and Raven- well, she presented them with a gift certificate for a tattoo done by her.

Severus offered her a frown in return; it seemed as if he'd never make use of it, whereas Raven contemplated the idea with obvious interest.

Nevertheless, it was a very pleasant evening. Even Regulus Black turned up later that night, looking rather frustrated after spending tedious hours with that family of his. There seemed to be sparks flying between him and Edie, but in the end they only bitched at each other and when all was said and done, both of them went home alone.

-o-

Some days later, though, they all met again to bid goodbye to the old year, and to welcome a new one, a new decade. Everyone seemed to be excited, wondering what the eighties would bring. Would their life change for the better or for the worse?

With the dawning of a new decade it became obvious that punk rock was dead- to be honest, it had already died when it became commercial. But there was a new wave coming in music.

Severus celebrated his twentieth birthday with some of his friends; Raven had invited them for a meal of spaghetti and cheap red wine, and it turned out to be a pleasant evening. Especially when everyone else had left and he was all alone with Raven. Those were the moments when he could easily forget about Lily.

There was also another event to celebrate, although he did that more quietly. His second essay for _The Practical Potioneer_ would be released, and that was a huge success for someone who was still an apprentice. But Professor O'Flaherty had recognized his talent and encouraged him, so with his second publication he now had a bright future in Potions research.

Alas, in the wizarding world, things got more dire with every day and the new decade started with the prospect of darkness as the Dark Lord was slowly losing patience and the fighting got more rough. He tried to win an almost lost battle by swaying his enemies- rumours said he even offered the Mudblood Lily Potter to join his ranks, but she declined that offer, along with her husband and his sidekick, Sirius Black.

So the Dark Lord thought of a new strategy, and as a result, Regulus Black was now working at the Ministry of Magic as 'personal assistant' for the new Minister for Magic, Millicent Bagnold. What sounded so illustrious was in fact a tedious job for Regulus. He was simply the Minister's handyman, just important enough to copy her notes or to brew that special batch of herbal tea for her. But he wasn't to take his new job all too lightly either, no matter how boring it was, since the Dark Lord hoped to gain valuable information by placing a wolf in sheep's clothing close to the new Minister. After all, Regulus Black was one of Lord Voldemort's few followers of with an almost pristinely clean record because he had never taken part in any raids or fights; he had never been conspicuous in a negative way but had kept a low profile. His so-called friends from Slytherin house had often accused him of being a coward because of that- now his previous inactivity was quite convenient for the Dark Lord. And his _friends_ praised what they had criticised before.

_What a mad world!_

Fortunately, Regulus had real friends; his partners in crime. Raven never let him down but offered some good advice on how to deal with his new position as spy for Lord V, due to her own experience in said business.

"Tell him what he wants to hear, but don't tell him everything you know."

It almost pained him physically that it was him who had to tell Severus that the Dark Lord had chosen to Summon all of his followers, and even those who hadn't pledged loyalty to him yet.

Raven didn't like it at all, but it was obvious that Severus was on his list, too. Ever since Lucius Malfoy had introduced him to the Dark Lord, the Dark Lord had kept an eye on him.

Therefore, Severus found himself at his beck and call one day, and what he got to hear at their meeting didn't suit him at all. But he wasn't to show it. Actually, he wasn't to show any emotion except to feign loyalty to the serpent-like wizard in front of him, and the Dark Lord's features did appear even more like that of a snake in comparison to their last meeting. He didn't seem to be human anymore- but how human could you be if you split your soul at least three times...

It made Severus aware of the consequences, of what could happen to you if you delved too deeply into the fascination of the Dark Arts, if you followed its tantalizing call too closely and got involved too much. He realized he didn't want that for himself. The price was too high for something as fickle as success, and he wouldn't win Lily's heart by looking like a snake-faced monster... then he wondered where that thought was coming from since it sounded so much like Raven.

Nevertheless, he had to pretend he was still keen to please the Dark Lord and to admire him, so he had to play along now in order to not cause suspicion. The Dark Lord's wrath was a terrible thing he didn't want to suffer.

"My Lord,"Severus bowed deeply- mostly to avoid eye-contact. After all, the Dark Lord was an extremely skilled Legilimens and he still needed a moment to clear his mind of all things that didn't belong there.

Fortunately, the Dark Lord didn't seem to be interested in a mental rape_; _there came no vicious attack at his thoughts and innermost feelings when he- almost politely- asked,

"Severus, my dear friend, I take it you will finish your apprenticeship this summer?"

Now that was a tricky question, since Severus knew that Voldemort knew the answer already. There was no point in lying.

"You are well-informed, my Lord."

Lord Voldemort offered him a thin-lipped smile that looked more like a creepy grimace on his face, and it definitely lacked any warmth. "Indeed, Severus. Even though you are of low birth, I'm willing to ignore that sad fact since you are a promising young wizard. Therefore, I will give you a chance to prove yourself worthy of the... patience I had with you."

"You are very generous, my Lord."

"Yes. I noticed you made yourself quite a name in Potion research recently. I appreciate that for it tells me you are a man of your word- then, you claimed you had nothing to offer but would be of greater use for me after you finished your apprenticeship."

Of course, Severus remembered his own words. He had spoken them in hope that things would have changed and that Voldemort would be history by now- what a naïve idea, fostered by the ideals of youth when one year seemed to be like an eternity. But more than one year had passed since then, and nothing had changed. He had been foolish enough to offer his soul that very day, and now he would have to face the consequences.

"I will accept your offer," the Dark Lord continued. "I assume you know that Professor Horace Slughorn decided to retire this summer?" He didn't wait for a response, nor did he care for Severus' surprise. "Now, I want you to apply for the post as Hogwarts new Potions Master since you seem to be the most suitable candidate."

It wasn't a request- it was an order that Severus couldn't refuse even though he had other plans what to do with his life. He had dreamed of making a career in potions research, of following a more scientific path than trying to win little dunderheads for the subtle beauty of simmering cauldrons and shimmering fumes. Teaching at Hogwarts was decidedly not an option that had ever crossed his mind.

But he wasn't to show his resistance. His dreams had just been shattered, and yet he had to put a good face on the matter since his only choice was to either accept the Dark Lord's wishes- or to get punished for refusing them.

"My Lord, I feel honoured," he said obediently, trying to make it sound as honest as possible. He had a role to play; he was the Dark Lord's humble and modest servant. It didn't matter what his plans in life were if he forfeited his life here and now by reaping Voldemort's wrath.

"Don't disappoint me, Severus."

"I won't, my Lord." Severus was much too clever to let that happen. He had already experienced the Dark Lord's disapproval, and it had been remarkably painful. Nevertheless, it wasn't all up to him. Applying for a job didn't naturally mean he would get it in the end, especially not when his future boss was headmaster Dumbledore.

All of a sudden, his heart was beating faster with fear. What if Dumbledore refused to hire him? What if he considered someone else to be a more suitable candidate? After all, Severus was still very young- too young perhaps to become a teacher at Hogwarts...

"Dumbledore," the Dark Lord interrupted his thoughts, and he sneered when he spoke the headmaster's name, "has always been the champion of commoners. He won't turn away a lowly half-blood only because of his age, although you will have to convince him that you are the right man for the post. If you truly are a loyal follower of mine, you will manage that."

"Yes, my Lord," Severus replied, still slightly shocked that just a mere moment of carelessness had been enough for Voldemort to know exactly what he'd been thinking, while at the same time he was grateful that his thoughts hadn't given him away that very moment. The Dark Lord still considered him to be a loyal follower- perhaps his worries about not getting the position had even pleased him.

He allowed himself to breathe a small, surreptitious sigh of relief and said, feigning an eagerness he didn't feel. "I will do anything that's necessary to please you, my Lord ."

The Dark Lord smiled a horrible smile. "I know you won't disappoint me, Severus."

That smile, and the sound of his voice, made his words appear like a warning. Then he changed his tone to give it a more lulling, even conspiratorially approach. "I have faith in you, Severus. You will do well, no doubt. You will be the youngest Potions professor in the history of Hogwarts, but you deserve that post. Remember, although you are still very young, you have already published two essays in one of the wizarding world's greatest and most famous potion journal- are you my man, Severus?"

"I am, my Lord," Severus gasped, thrilled by the power the Dark Lord radiated... he could be anything, anyone... could raise up to the skies if only the Dark Lord wished so.

But as the Dark Lord continued, something seemed to snap in his mind and he was back being himself; a lowly half-blood with stupid- because too high- dreams and a stupid conscience that couldn't be lured into depravity.

He listened more carefully when the Dark Lord spoke about loyalty, _absolute_ loyalty... again, Severus' heart was beating faster. This time, it was because he figured out what Voldemort left unspoken- the Dark Lord was in need of a spy at Hogwarts, and apparently _he_ was to be that spy. He was to win Dumbledore's trust while keeping an eye on him, and he was to report all of his moves to the Dark Lord...

_It makes sense_, Severus concluded. He kept his thoughts to himself as he added two and two- allegedly, Dumbledore was the only wizard the Dark Lord feared, so it was wise to keep an eye on him. It might be a tad too presumptuous, though, to assume that the Dark Lord was standing on lost ground already, clutching for straws, since he still radiated his very own, captivating power.

And Severus wasn't immune to that. A part of him adored his power while the other one abhorred it, and all the same he felt like he'd be wasting his talent, his skills, his chance for a better life for the dubious pleasure of serving him... but there was no way out. He had sold his soul already, a long time ago...

-o-

He was hurting all over when he returned home later that night- the Dark Lord had chosen to give him a taste of what to expect should he disappoint him, just in case.

Now he felt dirty... as dirty as if all the depravity of the Dark Lord had rubbed off on him. A hot shower didn't help much; Severus was still feeling tainted by evil powers. Too tainted to go to Raven's room, and so he walked to his own... only to stop at the door, changing his mind. Hesitantly, he turned around, all of a sudden longing for company, for not having to be all on his own with his frustration, his fear and the impending nightmares that were lurking in every corner of his room (or his mind) like they always did after a meeting with the Dark Lord.

Slowly, step by cautious step, he proceeded towards the door to Raven's room, and all the while he kept telling herself that he merely wanted to check if she was safe and sound, fast asleep.

Of course, she wasn't. He should have known that since he knew her- and he knew she wouldn't be sleeping well, not knowing where he was or if he was alright.

Sadly, the Dark Lord didn't care about such things when he chose to summon his minions.

In the dim but nevertheless colourfully illuminated twilight of her room, she raised her tousled head from the pillow to cast a glance at him.

"Sev?" Raven asked sleepily.

He didn't reply.

"Come to bed, love."

He should have fled, then. What she offered was so much more than he deserved, and yet he entered her room and closed the door behind him, meaning to stay in spite of his resolution to not besmirch her with all the evil and depravity he'd just experienced by the Dark Lord.

But her pull was stronger than that.

"Ye alright?" She murmured, when all of a sudden a frown clouded her face. "Oh shit- did that sonofabitch call ye?"

There was no sense in denying, so he remained silent; he really didn't want to talk about it now. Fortunately, Raven got that hint.

"Well," she said, heaving a sigh, "ye don't have to talk 'bout it now; that's alright with me. But if ye change yer mind, ye know I'll always stand by ye, don't ye?"

He nodded silently, feeling slightly overwhelmed by her support and her unceremonious approach of handling things. Instead of pestering him with endless questions, she merely wrapped her arms around him and snuggled up to him.

It nearly undid him, and Severus thought that if there'd ever be a cure for the after-effects of the Cruciatus Curse, it would have to contain an essence of colourfully bubbling lava lamps, the soft sound of music... and the warmth of her body- well, and perhaps even the smell of that green apple shampoo she so loved to use...

_thanks to my lovely beta, hypnotic ink_

_reviews are always welcome  
_

_._


	47. The Prophecy

_I'm sorry it took so long (again) but real life hardly leaves me time for writing. Please bear with me; I won't abandon this story._

_Thanks a lot for all the lovely reviews._

_Thanks and a big hug to my beta, the wonderful hypnotic ink. All remaining mistakes are mine._

47- The Prophecy

Although it clearly hadn't been his intention, Severus couldn't help but simply enjoy her proximity that night. Her acceptance of him was so very comforting that he fell asleep in her arms, and he slept well; no dreams about the Dark Lord were troubling him.

In the morning, however, he felt as if he was suffering from a really bad hangover (not that he had any experience with that- he did enjoy a good glass of wine, occasionally, but he had too much respect of alcohol and its effect on people, always remembering the worst of his father, to ever indulge in uninhibited drinking.)

He woke up shivering since Raven had left the bed already; he could hear her busying herself in the kitchen, probably brewing coffee and preparing breakfast. He knew where he was- when all of a sudden the memories of last night came crushing down on him, making him feel all small and uncomfortable in the presence of the Dark Lord again. The room seemed to turn dark although the sun was shining in through the windows...

Severus took a deep breath in order to shoo away these memories, then he got up and went to the kitchen- to where life was, to where Raven was...

"Good morning," she said in an almost too cheerful tone as she took the frying pan off the stove and placed in on the table, the moment he entered. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes." It wasn't even a lie- he had slept very well indeed, but that wasn't the problem. The problem was that Severus still recalled the meeting with the Dark Lord all too vividly, remembering his every word...

Even in the light of a new day, he still didn't _want_ to talk about it. He knew that that was ridiculous since any attempt of hushing things would never undo them. In this war, there were no innocent bystanders; there was no way of not being involved if you had an opinion, and Raven had long chosen her side. It simply wasn't _right_ to keep her in the dark about what had happened.

So after a while, he hesitantly started to tell her about last night. Because she had a right to know- even if that meant admitting his failure. He had pledged loyalty to the Dark Lord. Again. He'd been too scared (or too clever) to oppose him.

It didn't improve the situation that Regulus chose that very moment to pay them a visit. He often did so when he had a break at the Ministry, and most of the times he was welcome. Today, however, Severus would have loved to hex him into next week; it bugged him tremendously that _the posh boy _(as Edie called him) already knew he had been summoned by the Dark Lord.

Rumours seemed to spread quickly in the upper class of the wizarding world. Apparently Black's mother had heard it from his aunt Druella, who knew it from her daughter, Bellatrix, that Voldemort had chosen to receive a lowly half-blood.

"I didn't beg for the meeting," Severus said waspishly.

"I know," Regulus replied with a sigh. "No one in his sane state of mind would, and you aren't daft. So what did he want?"

Grumbling inwardly, Severus repeated the Dark Lord's _request._ Again, he reported of his failure.

"You had no choice," Raven claimed when she noticed his discomfort. "After all, you can't tell him something like, 'I'm sorry, Mr Snakeface, but I have other plans with my life.'"

"She's right," Regulus agreed with a light chuckle, amused by her choice of words and her lack of respectful words, which was refreshing (nevertheless he was certain that she didn't underestimate the Dark Lord). Then he glanced at Severus. "Come on, look on the bright side! At least he doesn't want you to participate in any raids, nor did he choose you to run errands for Minister Bagnold- which is a tedious job in comparison to teaching Potions at Hogwarts."

_How... comforting_, Severus thought cynical. Trying to teach little dunderheads the beauty of a subtle science was decidedly _**NOT **_what he'd been dreaming about, except in a nightmarish concept. It wasn't only that he'd waste his talent at Hogwarts, it was more the fact that many of his future students would still remember him dangling upside down in the air, revealing his greying underwear... thanks to the Marauders and especially to James-bloody-Potter's sick sense of humour, which had then led to his breakup with Lily...

It was his worst memory ever, and his NEWT class would remember that incident. They would make _him_ remember...

His thoughts were interrupted when Raven cleared her throat. "Um, is it too presumptuous to assume that Lord V needs a spy at Hogwarts? After all, you'd be close to Dumbledore if you get the job."

"As it seems, he wants to have spies in all places," Regulus concluded, nodding thoughtfully..

"Indeed," Severus agreed. Of course, Lord Voldemort hadn't spoken it out loud but his intention was plain to see, "so it seems."

"Well, it could be of advantage if we're all in the spying business but at different places-"

"No," Regulus thwarted her plans before they could even shape, and Raven realized the fault in her train if thoughts immediately. He was right, she wouldn't be able to use all the information if she didn't want to endanger her friends.

"I don't want to be a spoilsport," Regulus continued, "but you will have to be more careful with what information you're going to pass on to the Order. After all, the Dark Lord is a very suspicious person.".

"I know," she sighed. Well, she wasn't on a mission to save the world anyway; she didn't want to be a hero or Supergirl- all she ever wanted was to make the world a better place for Severus and herself, but mostly for him. Nevertheless, in this stupid war people were dying every day. With or without her interference. And until now, it had been her heartfelt wish to safe as many as possible.

Now, however, she realized a change of mind. It wasn't that she didn't care about all these innocent bystanders anymore, the casualties of every war- she just had to reconsider her priorities and decided that nothing could justify to risk the safety of her friends.

Perhaps it wasn't right, considering the Greater Good. But she'd never been a sucker for that, so she decided to not worry about it now.

"And you, guys, promise me to be careful, too. Try to keep a low profile and don't attract the attention of the Aurors."

-o-

Weeks passed. Winter turned to spring as the new year proceeded, and the situation in the wizarding world seemed to have its influence on Muggles, too- or at least on their underground music scene, for Raven thought she noticed a change to darker, gloomier tunes.

Was it already the foreshadowing of doom when the news spread that Ian Curtis, lead singer of Joy Division, committed suicide the very day Severus went to a job interview at the Hog's Head in Hogsmeade? Later, Raven would have supported that theory, but when she woke up in the morning, it merely seemed to be a too cold and rainy day for May.

-o-

Severus had taken great care on his appearance; he was wearing new robes that fitted him perfectly (thanks to Raven for insisting to visit Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions) and he'd even washed his hair- although that was a waste of time, considering the weather. It merely took him three steps in the pouring rain and his hair was looking like it had been plastered to his scalp.

But that shouldn't matter. In his hands he carried a folder containing documents that proved he was qualified for the job. Of course, he would still have to sit his exams in order to become a proper Master of Potions, but that was just a mere formality.

He took a deep breath before he entered the tavern, but nobody even lifted an eye to glance at him. Everything was just like he remembered if from former visits; it was still shabby and dirty and the air smelled of wet goats; there were even some goats running through the taproom.

And yet, there was a difference today. The bar was more crowded than usual and the clientele appeared to be less shady- in fact, some of the guests were neatly dressed and radiated the air of distinctiveness, like only well-established people did.

One of them, a wizard who looked like he had travelled a great distance in short time, was asking the barkeeper for "Profesor Dumb-el-dorr?"

"He's upstairs, havin' an interview with that nutter," the barkeeper replied casually as he continued his senseless task of polishing glasses with a filthy rag. "You'll have to wait."

"No comprender," the foreigner said, but he seemed to realize that the headmaster was not available at the moment, so he sat down again, careful to not touch anything.

Meanwhile, Severus had cast a good glance around and had recognized some prominent potion masters among the guests. For example, the Spaniard who had asked for the headmaster, was Salvatore Domingo, famous for discovering the magical properties of dandelion (which were rather insignificant, but he'd made himself quite a reputation, nevertheless.) And he was his rival, now. Like they all were his rivals when it came to getting the job the Dark Lord wanted him to get.

Severus realized that he stood no chance against them if he just waited until he was called up. They were all much older and more experienced than him... and they weren't Slytherins. That was another disadvantage- on the other hand, it could be his advantage.

Although he didn't want that bloody job, he had to do something before the other applicants could beat him to it. He didn't want to be at the receiving end of the Dark Lord's wrath if he failed.

Therefore, Severus decided to meet Dumbledore before anyone else could, clandestinely making his way towards the staircase leading to the upper floor.

The corridor in front of him was empty; no one else had been bold enough to go searching for the headmaster. But where was he? There were several doors and Severus couldn't go knocking on every one in search for Dumbledore. Also, he didn't even want to know what was happening behind those closed doors since he still recalled some rumours involving goats.

But he was lucky, all of a sudden he heard Dumbledore's voice coming from a room nearby, so he inched closer.

"…I am not quite sure I even want to continue teaching Divination at Hogwarts-"

_Right, it's the most senseless subject_, Severus thought sardonically, _either you are a seer or you're not; it isn't anything you can learn and get marks for. _

There was no reply, at least none that Severus could hear and for a moment he even thought Dumbledore was soliloquising when the headmaster continued talking. But then it seemed as if he was addressing a witch called Sybill.

"I know your great-great-grandmother Cassandra possessed the Second Sight and was a celebrated seer, but to be honest, Sybill, I fear you are not qualified-"

Severus barely dared to breathe as he pressed his ear to the door, hoping to pick up some more of the conversation. The witch replied something in a hardly audible, soft and misty voice; there also was a strangely jingling sound.

"Sybill, dear, I cannot-" Dumbledore responded, leaving the unavoidable _hire you _unspoken. He fell silent for a moment, then he asked in a worried tone. "Sybill, are you alright?"

"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies..."

The voice sounded dark and as hollow as if it was coming from far away; it was a witch's voice, but it wasn't Sybill's- or was it? Or was there a third person in the room, Severus wondered.

"...and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not... and either must die at the hands of the other for neither can live while the other survives..."

"Oi, boy, what ye're doing there?"

Grubby paws were gripping his collar, yanking him around until Severus was face to face with the barkeeper, who looked furious.

"I... I..." Severus was looking for an excuse although it was hard to come up with any when your ear was figuratively glued to the wood of the door; you couldn't pretend you weren't eavesdropping when if getting caught in such an obvious position. Nevertheless, he tried to talk himself out of it. "Yes, I was listening. It's my first job interview and I wanted to pick up some tricks."

The barkeeper wasn't impressed. He grumbled something unintelligible and opened the door, still clutching Severus' collar.

"Albus, I just caught that little eavesdropper outside the door."

"Severus Snape!" Dumbledore gasped surprised.

Meanwhile, the witch called Sybill opened her eyes, and for a moment, Severus couldn't help but stare at her, because her eyes were so huge behind the glasses she was wearing that she looked like an insect. A fly. A Calliphoridae, commonly known as blow-fly, with enormous green eyes and a shiny, metallic colouring. A little later he realized that the metallic colouring came from the many glittering string of beads hanging around her neck, and her arms were covered with jingling bangles up to her elbows; she also wore a ring on every finger. To top it all, the gauzy shawls she had draped around her thin, spindly form were encrusted with shining sequins.

"What happened?" She asked in the same misty, almost ethereal voice Severus had heard before. "I must have fainted; I didn't eat much today. Who is that young man?"

"Don't worry about him, Sybill," Dumbledore said kindly while his eyes focussed on Severus in a not so kind way. Then he addressed the barkeeper. "Would you please remove him from this room, Aberforth? We don't want him to upset Sybill, do we?"

Aberforth showed no mercy with Severus, nor did he give him another chance to explain himself. Instead, he tightened his grip on Severus' collar to remove him not only from the room but also from the building.

A little later, Severus found himself out in the pouring rain with his face down in what smelled like goat shit. But worse, so much worse than that was the realisation of having failed thoroughly, tremendously. He hadn't only forfeited his chance of getting the job the Dark Lord wanted him to get, he also would have to report on his failure. And he doubted he would survive the Dark Lord's wrath.

He was lost. Staggering, he got to his feet and wiped the dirt off his face- what a waste if he was doomed to die anyway. A cold shiver was running down his spine as every synapse of his body seemed to recall the effects of the Cruciatus Curse, and that torment had merely been meant as a warning...

But then he suddenly remembered the strange voice he had heard, a voice that must have been Sybill's since there hadn't been any other witch in the room. And she was a seer- at least she claimed to be one (like her great-great-grandmother Cassandra) otherwise Dumbledore wouldn't have bothered to meet her.

He still didn't give a damn about Divination. Although that Sybill person was most likely a fraud, it slowly dawned upon Severus that he'd overheard a real prophecy, a prophecy concerning the Dark Lord.

..._the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies…_

There _were_ records of people who possessed the Second Sight; it wasn't all hocus-pocus and tea leaves, and the Dark Lord was a superstitious person. He would believe in the prophecy because he was mad and paranoid, and he wanted to live forever- after all, he created at least three (but probably more) Horcruxes, so he would take a warning like that very serious. And perhaps that was Severus' chance to survive in spite of his failure.

Taking a deep breath, Severus Apparated to Malfoy Manor. Lucius would know tonight's whereabouts of the Dark Lord.

It was the first time he ever tried to locate the Dark Lord. Usually, he had been called to meet him. And it was typically Lucius to mock him for looking like a dunghill on feet. But Lucius Malfoy's opinion didn't matter now. Severus rejected his helping hand to make him look more presentable and performed some quick cleansing spells on himself, before he accepted a Portkey that would take him straight to the Dark Lord... alas, not quite as straight as he would have wished.

Apparently, the Dark Lord was currently residing at the Lestrange Estate; Severus recognized their mansion as the destination of his Portkey and he thought that Lucius could have simply told him instead of making such a fuss about it. Then he had to outwit their most annoying house-elf, who almost slammed the door in his face, saying rather arrogantly that the noble owners of this noble place weren't vulnerable to charity projects. But Severus was quicker than the elf; he already had his feet in the door before it could lock him out.

"Tell your master- no, tell the Dark Lord that I have a very urgent message for him."

Thanks to his brazenness, Severus was face to face with the Dark Lord only a little later, wishing to be somewhere-anywhere- else instead. But he hid his true feelings well and bowed deeply; whether it was out of respect or in fear, he couldn't tell. Most of all, he needed a moment to clear his mind of all things that weren't relevant for this meeting.

"Severus, what a surprise!" The Dark Lord cocked a brow, which gave his pale, waxen face the impression of a grimace. "What is so very urgent that you dare to bother me?"

"My Lord, I came here with a warning-"

"A warning?" Voldemort hissed dangerously. "Who dares to threaten me? Did that fool, Dumbledore, send a message? I know you met him today, didn't you?"

"Yes, my Lord-"

"Did you get the job?"

"I..."

"I take it that means no. Crucio!"

The pain hit him like the famous bolt out of the blue; Severus didn't even had time to prepare himself for it to come before he was already writhing on the floor. Surprisingly was only that it didn't last long.

Panting, he gathered his breath when the Dark Lord said rather softly, "Well, I think I'm right to assume that you didn't seek me out only to report on your failure, so **Look. At. Me**!" Despite the softness of his voice, his grip was vice-like as he roughly took Severus' chin to enforce eye-contact, and he didn't hesitate to violate his mind until he found the information he was looking for.

Fortunately, Severus had managed to clear his mind of all the things that were precious to him, so that the Dark Lord's assault couldn't besmirch them. Nevertheless, he felt as if he'd been mentally raped.

"Ah!" Voldemort cried out in triumph. " A prophecy! Tell me all about it!"

And so Severus did. He started with the moment he had entered the Hog's Head, and by the time he went up the stairs in order to find Dumbledore and outrival the other applicants for the job, he was back being is old self again. Manoeuvring cautiously around the reefs of his memory to present the Dark Lord just what he wanted to hear.

..._the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies... __born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies..._

Well, Severus had heard more than that, but at the moment he couldn't recall the exact wording of the rest of the prophecy, and apparently he had hidden it so well in the many boxes of his mind that Voldemort didn't get suspicious or start another assault. Instead, the Dark Lord seemed to be rather satisfied, and if he were more like a normal human being, Severus would have even said he was mightily pleased... as if he'd just uncovered a conspiracy against him but had more pull now that he knew about it.

Voldemort smiled, and that was probably more scary than any other expression his waxen, faintly snake-like features could muster. He barred his teeth between thin, pale lips- they were of a yellowish hue and slightly pointed; not really looking like fangs but with a bit of imagination not very much unlike either.

Severus felt a cold shiver running down his spine, wondering if the Dark Lord's contentment might be even worse than his wrath.

"Well, Severus," the Dark Lord spoke after a long, thoughtful and ominous pause, "I have to thank you for confiding in me. Unlike others (who are just seeking their own advantage) you proved your loyalty by coming here tonight, and no good deed should go unrewarded. My most modest follower, you are indeed worthy to enter the inner circle of my fraternity, so give me your left arm, Severus, to accept the consecration of my gratitude."

A cacophony of no-no-no shrilled through Severus' head as he recalled what Regulus Black had told him just recently. _Don't let him mark you_._ If you let him, you're lost..._

And yet, he willingly offered his arm to Voldemort because he couldn't deny him.

The Dark Lord brandished his wand.

Severus could literally feel its power, and it thrilled him- there would always be a part of him that was mightily fascinated by the Dark Arts and all their _possibilities... _but did he really want that? Did he truly want to be like the Dark Lord, feared by all but loved by none?

He had to decide quickly now, before it was too late.

Of course, he felt flattered that the Dark Lord had chosen to rise him, a lowly half-blood from the dunghills of Spinners End, into the elitist circle of his closest followers- _minions_, he corrected himself, _you'll always be his minion_.

"My Lord," he objected as he withdrew his arm ever so slightly, just enough to make the Dark Lord hesitate in his initiation ritual. "I... I wouldn't dare to question your decision, my Lord, but I fear I cannot help but wonder if it is... _wise._ Mind, I am thrilled about the chance you are giving me, an unworthy admirer of your outstanding skills, to make myself a reputation in your most noble fraternity- nevertheless, considering your goals concerning Dumbledore, I fear that marking me with your sign might be counter-productive in the end... unless, of course, you don't want me to keep a sharp eye on him anymore."

"But you spoiled your chance," the Dark Lord snarled in a harsh, unforgiving tone.

"I beg to differ, my Lord," Severus replied rather cocksure although his insides opposed to his words. He wasn't quite as confident as he pretended to be. Now, he had to stake it all on one card and fight for a job he didn't even want to have, but being a teacher at Hogwarts was still better than being branded and therefore at the Dark Lord's beck and call- so he would rely on Dumbledore's soft spot for commoners (or, what others called _losers..._)_._

For the briefest fraction of a second he thought of Raven, what she would do in his situation or if anybody would tell her if he died here tonight. But it was too late to worry about that now. He'd gone too far already.

Voldemort tipped his chin on two long, spidery fingers, glancing expectedly at his promising young minion, and he seemed to like what he got to hear .

"Very well, then, Severus. I will give you another chance since I must admit that I like your approach of things; you just proved that you are a worthy follower of mine and I appreciate your... _enthusiasm..._ in supporting my course." Again, he barred his teeth in a horrible smile that sent cold shivers down Severus' spine, and the next thing Severus felt was a generous warning of his master, a foretaste of the pain he was to suffer should he ever fail him again.

Nevertheless, the Dark Lord was in an almost soft mood tonight, probably still thrilled about the fact that he learned about the prophecy, which he took very seriously and decidedly more seriously than Severus would have ever imagined.

For the moment, however, the younger wizard was relieved to have survived this meeting and thus being able to return home in one piece. He was certain Raven would approve of that.

-o-

Why did he ever waste a thought about her? When Severus finally made it back to Soho, to the flat he shared with Raven, he was slightly pissed off about the fact that the place was crowded with people, listening to loud music.

Well, he didn't really mind loud music, but the people. He would have wished her to care more about him instead of throwing a party the moment he left on a tedious and probably dangerous mission- on the other hand, the people (his friends, actually!) started to clear out at the slightest wink of her hand when he arrived, not asking any stupid questions.

He was grateful for that even if it made him feel like a total arse, seeing them leaving like that.

Nevertheless, their presence would have been too much for him after the painful experience of meeting the Dark Lord, and besides, he was still in his robes. They would think he'd been to a fancy dress party...

"You alright?" She asked in a soft tone, as full of compassion as anyone could put in two simple words.

He wanted to yell 'NO!' - _of course not_- since nothing was alright. Ever since he'd left home that day , things had turned from bad to worse, starting with the fact that he'd gone to apply for a job he never wanted but needed to get almost desperately now.

Raven ushered him to a chair, slightly worried about his pale face (well, it was even paler than usual) and an instant later a glass of wine was sitting in front of him.

He wasn't thirsty nor in the mood to drink alcohol now, nevertheless he downed the wine in one greedy gulp before he glanced from Raven to Regulus Black- who seemed to have become something like a household pest of theirs, considering the fact that he was always hanging around at their place as if he had no home of his own.

Severus wanted him to leave. He wanted everyone to leave him alone so that he could be brooding about today's events, but he also knew that that was wishful thinking since he wouldn't get rid of them until he had told his story and they had discussed it at length.

Merlin, but he was so tired... On the other hand, he wouldn't be able to find rest any time soon, and brooding all alone in his room was probably not the best solution either. So perhaps it was just better to simply tell them what they wanted to know- in the end, it might be a relief to share the burden.

Raven and Regulus didn't interrupt Severus until he finished his story; she just refilled his glass once. And he was grateful for that because the wine made it easier to talk; it also seemed to dispel some of the shadows lasting on him, shooing the memory of the Dark Lord further away.

She reached out to clasp his hand when he told them about the meeting with Voldemort; it was a reassuring gesture that filled him with warmth.

-o-

Raven didn't condemn Severus for running straight to the Dark Lord in order to tell him about the prophecy, although she was aware of the consequences- Lord V would most probably see to it that no child born at the end of July lived long enough to grow up and become a threat to his life. But any still unborn child didn't matter as long as her Severus was safe and sound, so he had done the most reasonable thing by seeking out the Dark Lord. At least it gave them time, and time was precious these days.

Besides, prophecies were a tricky thing. There were certainly different ways to interpret them, and hadn't Severus said the seer was a fraud?

She didn't believe in Divination. It was as scientifically incorrect as Muggle horoscopes were, even though history proved that some prophecies came true indeed. But again, that was a matter of interpretation and the steadfast belief in it.

"Well," Regulus gave to consider after she stated her opinion, "apparently the Dark Lord believes in this prophecy, so perhaps it will come true-"

"Sure, and the saviour of the wizarding race will be born at the end of July. The prophecy just doesn't specify the year nor the place, and if Lord V starts roaming the world for all babies born _when the seventh month dies_ he will be too busy to bother with you guys, which is of advantage."

"You forget that the child will be born to _those who have thrice defied him, _so that does exclude the rest of the world and focusses on wizarding Britain."

Severus felt a cold shiver running down his spine at Regulus' words as he sensed he had forgotten something very important but couldn't put his fingers on what precisely, simply because he was too worn out to think straight. The wine had caused a fuzzy feeling in his stomach and made his head spin; all he wanted to do now was to cuddle up in bed with Raven, to feel her naked body in his arms and his cock buried deep inside her... there was no other way to make him forget this horrible day, even if it was only until the next morning...


	48. North of Darkness

I'm so sorry... again. I know this update took endlessly but it was a beast to write and besides, real life is eating me up. Just let me assure you that no matter how long it takes for me to post another chapter, I WILL NOT ABANDON this story. And, to look on the bright side, the next one's almost half done so you will get at least one more update this year.

Thanks for your patience, for favoring me and Children, and of course for reviewing. All feedback is welcome.

A great big thanks goes also to hypnotic ink, my dear beta

48- North of Darkness

The prophecy itself wasn't such a bad thing, Raven decided. It was somewhat comforting to know that the Dark Lord was not invincible... on the other hand, it would be downright stupid or even fatal to stake it all on one child still to be born, waiting for the saviour of the wizarding race. But the wizarding race didn't need any saviour; it needed reforms and a less... fatalistic approach of things.

She was glad that it wasn't Dumbledore who'd be the hero; she'd never trusted the old codger. Nevertheless, it was likely that the _One_ would be the offspring of Gryffindors since the prophecy said he or she would be born to those who have thrice defied him, and defying the Dark Lord trice sounded very Gryffindor. A Slytherin would have long succeeded- well, except that most Slytherins supported Voldemort's propaganda, but that was not the point.

Raven heaved a silent sigh and turned to glance at Severus, who was fast asleep at her side. His almost desperate outbreak of passion a little earlier had surprised her, but she had willingly given in to it- how could she not? She'd always be there for him when he needed her, and his need had been overwhelming. _If only_... no, that wasn't the right time to wish for more. One didn't have to hear those bloody three words to know- but what did she know? In the daytime, they were best friends and at night they were lovers. Nothing more and nothing less. At the moment, it was enough. There were more pressing matters at hand. Severus was risking his life every time he went to meet Lord V, so trying to break his grip on him should be her priority... which brought her back to the prophecy. Unfortunately, it didn't specify when and where the _One _would be born. Regulus was probably right by claiming it was going to happen in wizarding Britain, at the end of July- of this year? And who might be the parents in danger? Most likely, they were members of the Order...

_Oh bloody hell_! Raven cursed silently when she realized that Lily of all people was pregnant. Also, she seemed to be just the right person to give birth to a saviour, considering her holier-than thou attitude.

A cold shiver was running down her spine as she reached for her pack of cigarettes, and she hoped that Severus wouldn't draw the same conclusion all too soon because he'd be devastated if his clever attempt at staying alive might endanger his precious St Lily in the end.

After all, she considered, inhaling deeply, it could be that she was wrong. Her imagination was running too wild, and her thoughts and ideas were born out of the fear of losing him- and that fear would always take a hold on her whenever she thought of Lily. She was the everlasting thorn in her side, the dominating shadow clouding her relationship with Severus, and for a very brief moment she was actually hoping the Dark Lord would solve that problem- only to feel ashamed of it an instant later.

_No_, she decided, _that was no solution either. I don't want to be a substitute- and besides, Lily the Martyr would be even more insufferable than St Lily was already- and I want him to love me no matter what... _

Then she postponed any further thoughts until tomorrow. Raven extinguished her cigarette and cuddled up to Severus, being wrapped in his arms in a sleepily but nevertheless quite possessive way that made her hopes flare up again. In the end, hope was all that's left.

-o-

The next morning found Severus in a rather broody mood, pondering about what to do now.

"Well, you're gonna sit your exams in a couple of weeks in order to become the best and youngest potions master ever." Raven said casually, guessing what troubled him or simply knowing him too well. Then she added, "I expect you to finish your apprenticeship with bravado."

_To what point and purpose_? Severus thought gloomily. His outstanding skills weren't required if he had to strive for a teaching career at Hogwarts.

"Ah, look on the bright side, Sev," Her confidence was unwavering, "You can still proceed your career in potion's research one day, even if you have to play along and keep your feet still for now. "

"Because we believe in the prophecy that a saviour will appear?" He sneered in reply, mocking her optimism.

She smiled at him and shook her head no. "Nah. You know, Sev, I neither believe in prophecies nor in saviours, but in sanity and reason. And that's what we have to fight for."

-o-

The following weeks were like a roller-coaster ride of mixed emotions. Of course, the friends still worried about the prophecy; it was on their minds almost every minute. But there were also moments of joy, at least for Regulus because his cousin Narcissa Malfoy gave birth to a healthy boy on June 5th.

Raven didn't quite share his enthusiasm. _So what_, she thought, _just another pure blood and future bigot, spoiled rotten and raised to believe that he was superior._

"Draco's so cute!" Regulus very nearly gushed.

"Well, I'll never understand why people go all sentimental and fuzzy at the sight of a tiny maggot-like human, let alone one with these parents-"

"Ah, Cissy isn't really that bad, Raven. She's my favourite cousin." He paused as if he wanted to reconsider his words, but then he just said, "Please bear with me. After all, I'm an uncle now for the very first time."

"Wasn't there another cousin of yours who gave birth to a baby daughter some years ago? Oh, I forgot- she got blasted off the family tree for being a decent person."

"I don't want to talk about Andromeda now," Regulus said with a little sad tone in his voice and he quickly changed the topic back to sweet, cute and wonderful Draco. A child was born (_fortunately not at the end of July_) and now it was up to him to prevail the little baby boy from becoming a bigot like his parents, because he was going to be his godfather, and he saw a great chance in that. As Draco's godfather, he would have quite an influence on the boy- he had already promised himself to become a healthy counterbalance in the boy's life, so little Draco would not only hear the ideology of his parents. Perhaps that was another and probably more futile way on the long road of defying the Dark Lord. The wizarding world didn't really need a saviour- it needed a generation of pure-bloods that accepted it wasn't their birthright to be superior, that all wizards and witches were equal no matter of their family background.

-o-

Meanwhile, spring turned to summer and Severus' exam was imminent. He managed to study hard for it (thanks to Raven's tirelessly support, always encouraging him) and in the end he really passed his exams with outstanding marks but not quite as outstanding as he would have wished. Still, he was now one of wizarding Britain's youngest and most promising potion masters ever.

The future was wide open for him, and he actually received job offers from all over the world. It was hard to turn them all down...

Finally, he had made it from the dunghill of Spinner's End into the elitist circles of science- it almost pained him physically that he couldn't take his chance and accept the offer of any renowned potions research team. Instead, he had to hold his feet still, waiting for another chance to apply for a teaching job at Hogwarts.

No one of his colleagues at St Mungo's understood why he decided to stay, but not many were happy about it. A minority was glad or even proud that St Mungo's managed to keep him, while the majority wished he'd run off to Timbuktu or even further away, so that they would have a chance to shine.

Professor O'Flaherty, however, wondered aloud. But Severus avoided answering any questions because answering them would also mean to admit his involvement with the Dark Lord's fraternity.

In moments like these, he cursed himself for being so damned daft (or too naïve) to have ever trusted Lucius Malfoy. He should have known that a guy like Malfoy would never befriend him- a half-blood scum from Spinner's End- without having an ulterior motive. But no, he'd been too blind to see that. Or, to be more precise, he'd been too dazzled by all the promises he knew that neither Lucius nor the Dark Lord would keep.

-o-

A period of warm and sunny days made them almost forget about the war, for a short time the friends very nearly thought they were just some normal teenagers, enjoying the summer. Of course, that feeling didn't last long. Soon, the days became colder, rainier and more foggy, and people were whispering about Dementors changing the weather.

Raven claimed it was a typical English summer.

The birth of Harry James Potter came as quite a shock to Severus, for his existence was the incontrovertible proof that Lily wasn't only married to Potter- no, they had actually consummated their marriage. Icy cold needles of jealousy were piercing his heart at the thought of _his_ Lily doing the same with Potter as what he and Raven were doing at night. But that was the proper way to produce an heir; the concept of immaculate conception was a thing of Muggle religion and had only happened once, as far as he knew.

And yet, he couldn't imagine Lily in a passionate embrace- strangely, he realized, he'd never thought of her _that_ way although he definitely desired her. In his dreams of a perfect future he was a wizard of reputation, a potions master of high renown, and he was happily married to Lily, bathing in the light of her love and acceptance. But when he closed his eyes and envisioned a night of passion, the picture of Raven popped up in his mind's eye. Flamy strands of red hair turned black as if burned, like dark wings on the pillow, and Lily's beautiful green eyes changed to deep blue summer skies-

Severus tried to dispel those thoughts. He loved Lily. Always.

Nevertheless, he wondered briefly if Raven was possibly right, if he was indeed placing Lily on a pedestal and making her appear almost saintlike- he never managed to answer that question because while he was still trying to analyse his feelings, he suddenly recalled the date when Lily's boy was delivered. Although the dreadful news had reached him in the early days of August, Harry James Potter was born on July 31st...

_...born as the seventh month dies..._

_No, no_, his heart cried out, that couldn't be. Lily's son was not the saviour the prophecy predicted; it had to be someone else. Not because he cared for her- _Potter's_- boy but because she would be in danger, too. And he was relieved to find out that at least another boy was born on July 31st. Neville Longbottom, son of the Aurors Frank and Alice Longbottom. A pure-blood, born to pure-blooded parents... it must be him, and not Lily's boy. Logic almost dictated that his theory was right because- being Aurors- Neville's parents had most likely defied the Dark Lord thrice...On the other hand, Lily and Potter were members of the Order of the Phoenix, so the same might apply to them...

Severus didn't share his fears and worries. There was nothing he could do anyway. He couldn't send an owl to Lily, saying _you're in danger, please take care of yourself and your son_,_ because the Dark Lord might believe that_- and then he would have to explain how he'd overheard the prophecy, and that the only thing he could think of was to run straight to the Dark Lord and tell him all about it. Naturally, Lily wouldn't be pleased. Well, he wasn't happy with himself either since he had fucked things up once again, and this time it wasn't just a slip of tongue. This time, his impotence of doing the right thing could actually endanger Lily's life.

Still, he remained silent about his thoughts and feeling. Instead, he went into brooding mode, seeking salvation or even redemption in withdrawal as he avoided his friends and also Raven's bed.

-o-

Of course, she wasn't happy with the situation, although no word of protest ever came from her lips. Raven was suffering silently while trying to get things right, since she knew what was bugging Severus. After all, she wasn't daft. She could put together two and two, and the result was disaster. But all she was able to do was to put more effort in her spying business, which had taken quite a throwback ever since the fight between Death Eaters and members of the Order some months ago. Only reluctantly the same old patrons were frequenting the _Red Lantern _again, but they were more close-lipped than ever. No one spoke of the prophecy or about the Dark Lord's plans concerning it- it almost seemed as if the Death Eaters didn't even know about it; an assumption that Regulus confirmed.

"As it seems, he hasn't informed his inner circle yet."

"Hmm," Raven mused, "he doesn't want to appear mortal, I guess, and the prophecy denies his claim of indestructibility."

"Yeah, it must bug him tremendously, but as far as I know, he hasn't done anything. Of course, I don't know much since I'm not worthy enough to be in his inner circle." Nervously, he scratched his left arm (which was still pretty clear of any nasty marks) and breathed a sigh of relief before he grinned at Raven. "I certainly won't complain; I'm quite happy 'bout it."

"You should be."

His mien changed as he glanced at her; she wasn't looking well. "But you're not happy."

It was a statement, not a question. And most likely, he had figured her out already. Nevertheless, Raven feigned a smile and lied that all was fine.

Regulus rolled his eyes. "Come on, don't try to fool me. We're friends, aren't we? So what's bugging our dear Severus? He's even more buttoned-up than usual and methinks I'm not the only one who noticed. Does he talk to you?"

Raven just shrugged; it was hard to hide the bitter tears of rejection that were burning in her eyes.

"So he stays buttoned-up all the time?" Regulus asked in a gentler tone but with ambiguous meaning.

She swallowed the lump in her throat. "What do you expect? Of course, he's worried. After all, bloody St Lily's boy was born at the end of July- _when the seventh month dies, _Reg. And we all know that he still cares about her too fucking much. So I guess he thinks about warning and telling her that she and her brat are in danger, but he doesn't know how, due to an unfortunate slip of tongue that happened some years ago. Yeah, he called her a filthy Mudblood, and probably he shouldn't have done that. But it's too late to rewind time now. The damage is done and that puts him in such a dilemma- you know, Reg, _**I'm**_ actually thinking of interfering. Perhaps she will welcome an owl sent by me, and not tear the letter into pieces without reading it first-"

"Do me a favour and reconsider your idea," Regulus interrupted her train of thoughts."Yes, it is a very noble and selfless plan- but you're a Slytherin, girl. Don't rash things. Think harder, instead. Do you really believe _you_ have to save the day? Don't you think that Dumbledore will care for his precious Gryffindors?

"Most definitely, he won't let them down. Especially not the Potters. Not after he so benevolently tolerated the _pranks_ of the Marauders for years. So he will protect them, like he always did. After all, he was there when Severus got caught overhearing the prophecy."

There was a certain logic in his words, and Raven wanted to hug him for that; she wanted to believe in his words. However, somewhere deep inside of her was a voice screaming that things weren't always that easy... or logical... but she failed to find any fault in his reasoning, and so she said hesitantly, "You're probably right."

Now Regulus was grinning again. Sometimes it was almost spooky how much his grin resembled that of his brother, albeit it was less mischievous. But it was always distracting and today she was glad for it, for it took her mind off Lily and Severus' unwavering affection for her... until Regulus decided to make exactly that the topic of their conversation.

"I still don't get what he sees in her," he pondered aloud.

Raven had often asked herself the very same question, and in the quiet cacophony of her mind, she had always gotten the short end of the stick when comparing herself with Lily. She wasn't as popular, not as pretty...

But well, she was a better friend than Lily. Sadly, that only seemed to matter to her and not to Severus, who was still placing her on a pedestal, unable for Raven to reach.

"Hmm," she mused, "I guess... well, she was the first one who ever showed him some sort of happiness, or even affection; a brief escape from his miserable life at home-"

"Was it really that awful?"

She shrugged again. Probably, she shouldn't discuss these things with Regulus for they were private and Severus was a very private person. On the other hand, she was only human and therefore needy; she needed someone to talk to in order to ease her mind, her heart.

"Well, he thinks it was his father who fucked things up, because he's a Muggle. But I don't agree. I think his mother was to blame- anyway, Lily's friendship was his only refuge in earlier years, before attending Hogwarts, and he still clung onto that like a drowning man grasping for straws, even when they were Sorted into different houses..."

"Where he found a much better friend in you," Regulus gave to consider.

"Yeah, the Fat Crow, the most unpopular witch at Hogwarts-"

"Ah, you weren't really that unpopular. I know of some guys who actually admired your guts in always opposing the Marauders. Actually, some guys think you're much hotter than Evans-"

"Aw, stop that mindless flattery, Blackie, will you? It won't get you anywhere."

"I'm not trying to get anywhere, Lestrange. And don't call me Blackie."

They fell silent for a while, but it was a companionable silence between them. Raven enjoyed his company. Their friendship had started out as an uneasy one, more like a partnership of convenience. During the past few months, however, Regulus Black had become more and more of a really good friend to her, and she was glad for it- especially now that Severus had switched to withdrawal mode.

_Snape's such an idiot_, Regulus thought for about the thousandth time. He could be with a really pretty and loyal witch who'd turn the world upside down for him, but no, he preferred to barricade himself in his room, not letting anyone get close to him while he was still yearning for someone who didn't even like him. The world was a mad place.

-o-

Weeks passed, and still no baby boy or girl was being slaughtered. Instead, as summer turned to autumn, the Aurors working for the Order managed to make some arrests, among them a certain Igor Karkaroff, a Russian supporter of the Dark Lord and not one of his most frenetic followers, although he did carry the Mark.

He was one of the very few minions the Aurors caught alive, and of course that fact got expatiated on by the papers excessively. But they failed to mention Karkaroff's rather minor role within the fraternity. They also failed to mention that the figurehead of the Aurors, Alastor Moody, got seriously injured in a fight with Evan Rosier, another Death Eater.

Moody just disappeared from the scene for a while, and when he returned to public, giving an interview to the _Daily Prophet_, a large chunk of his nose was missing.

He had already lost a leg and one eye, which had been replaced by a magical one (thus the name Mad-Eye) but now he looked even more gruesome than ever.

Raven shuddered at his sight. "So much about 'Constant Vigilance!' It didn't help him, as it seems- now please welcome the Mad-Eye Horror Picture Show!"

Fortunately, things had improved between Severus and her; he had stopped brooding but she wasn't so naïve to believe that everything was alright now.

Severus offered her a wry smirk, knowing she was referring to a weird Muggle musical about transsexual Transylvanians from outer space (she had made him watch the movie) and for the briefest fraction of a second, the image of a tap-dancing Moody in fishnet stockings and high heels popped up in his mind's eye- fortunately it disappeared just as soon, leaving him startled about its weirdness since it seemed to be so much more like Raven's imagination and less like his own. He wished though, that he could do the Time Warp and go back to happier days, when everything was still alright between Lily and him. But when he seriously thought about it, he couldn't even tell a specific time. Was it really that long ago?

It pained him too much to think of her being a mother now, pampering little Harry- _James' brat. _Buthe had given up brooding about that or hiding himself away in his room. It was certainly conductive that the Dark Lord hadn't gone on a killing spree, murdering all newborn baby boys-

Also, Severus had realized in his darkest hours, he missed Raven and her friendship, which was so much more than just friendship. It was- he didn't know what it was precisely, but it felt so much better to spend time with her than just worry on his own.

"You might want to reconsider your career plans, if you don't like to end up looking like Mr Moody," he said, knowing she cared about appearance even if he didn't.

"Ah," she responded, "but he's a warrior, Sev. Dumbledore's first knight, to be precise, and the figurehead of resistance against Lord V. I, however, want to be an investigator."

Severus arched a brow at her. For a moment, he forgot about Lily as he wondered whether Raven was probably watching too much Muggle television if she truly believed that the job as an Auror had anything in common with her favourite TV series, _Quincy, M.E. _

_Should he tell her to face the truth and accept the fact that Moody was the exact role model of an Auror?_ He hesitated, and then he decided to not say anything like that. Why? He didn't know. Or perhaps he simply liked that sparkle in her eyes while she was still dreaming of a better future, when he already knew that it was unlikely to occur in their lifetime. The Dark Lord had extinguished all hopes of that.

-o-

"You did what?" Raven asked incredulously, a slightly shrill tone in her voice. Severus had been gone for almost two days, and she couldn't quite believe the story he told about his absence when he finally returned. Of course, she didn't really need him to repeat it.

_Kneeling and begging, prostrating myself and pleading for Lily's life... __**twice, **_it echoed in his mind as he avoided Raven's eyes, knowing of the accusation he'd read in them- and the question if he'd do the same for her. But this wasn't about her; she wasn't in danger.

From the very moment Severus had learned that Voldemort believed Lily's son was the Chosen One, the one the prophecy was about, he had done everything in his might to try and protect her... knowing she wouldn't let the Dark Lord kill her child without resistance. So he had actually begged the Dark Lord to spare her (and his request had been granted) but since he didn't trust his master, he had been looking for someone with almost the same power who would keep his word. Dumbledore.

The encounter had been an unpleasant one. Nevertheless, Severus thought he deserved the headmaster's contempt. After all, it was his very own fault, his very own selfishness that had put Lily in jeopardy in the first place...

-o-

_'You disgust me!' Dumbledore said deprecatingly, after Severus brought forward his request, 'You do not care, then, about the deaths of her husband and child? They can die, as long as you have what you want?'_

_He remained speechless for a while. Did the old man really expect him to care about James Potter? After all that the Marauders had done to him? But well, Severus was glad that Dumbledore hadn't called the Aurors straight at the sight of him, still believing him to be one of the Dark Lord's loyal followers... and he didn't correct him._

_Instead he croaked, 'Hide them all, then.' He swallowed his pride- Lily was in danger and he had to ensure her safety. 'Keep her- them- safe. Please.'_

_Pleading, prostrating himself, begging... once more. At least Dumbledore wouldn't use the Cruciatus Curse on him, enjoying to see him suffer...like the Dark Lord. He was still feeling kind of feeble from voicing his request earlier on, and getting a painful reminder that he'd gone too far... _

_'And what will you give me in return, Severus?'_

_-o-_

It was too late to use Occlumency now. He was too tired, too mentally exhausted from occluding his mind for what felt like an eternity. Raven's brows furrowed- she was angry; he could sense that. And he knew she could read him like an open book.

But she wasn't mad at him. Well, perhaps a little because he hadn't let her know of his plans, his whereabouts, or if he was safe and sound. Of course she had worried about him, like she always did... always caring too much...

"Oh, that bloody old wanker!" She sounded more than just a little furious now. Actually, she sounded downright pissed off. "The nerve of him! Always pretending to be the nice and caring uber-grandfather, when in fact he's just a manipulative bastard! How _dares _he ask for anything in return? You gave him valuable information concerning the safety of one of his precious Gryffindorks, so that fucking bastard should be fucking grateful instead of- I mean, it's his fucking job to keep them safe! They're endangering their life for him, every every fucking day they're on a mission for his Order- so what the fuck is he about? What did he ask of you? Bloody hell, I _hope _you didn't agree to whatever-" But her hoping was in vain, as Raven figured out after taking a glimpse at Severus' face, and she ran frustrated fingers through her hair. In a softer tone she said, "Merlin, you're a daft fool, Severus Snape, and I hope you know that."

Now that she mentioned it, Severus was feeling quite foolish indeed. She was right, he realized. Dumbledore had outwitted him. The headmaster should have accepted the information with a benevolent smile, but instead he had chosen to test him- and he, he had been taken in by the old wizard. His panic, his fear for Lily had made him too blind to notice the manipulation before, and now it was too late to change anything; he couldn't make his promise undone...

"Don't be too harsh on him, Raven," Regulus interjected pensively. She had called him early in the morning, being mightily jazzed because Severus had gone missing, fearing the worst... Fortunately, though, Severus had returned safe and sound- which was almost a miracle, given the fact that he'd met both the Dark Lord _and_ Dumbledore in the meantime. "You know, Dumbledore could have chosen to call the Aurors to his meeting with Snape-"

"But Sev's no Death Eater; he doesn't even have a mark."

"Right, and _we_ know that. Alas, nowadays people are ending up in Azkaban for lesser reasons, only because they are _suspected_ members of the Dark Lord's fraternity."

"Still, that's no excuse for Dumbledore's bloody manipulative ways!"

"All's fair in love and war..." Regulus sighed; he hated to be the voice of reason (although one was needed) since he didn't know whether he of all people was the right candidate.

_Love and war_, Raven thought as frustration took the upper hand of her, tasting like bitter bile in her throat. _He did it all for Lily. Always for bloody St Lily..._

"I hope you didn't tell him anything about the Horcruxes, though," Regulus continued, now addressing Severus- who fortunately shook his head no.

"My attitude might appear a tad... _frantic..._ to you, but I'm not that daft, thank you very much. I know an ace when I got it up my sleeve." He'd do anything for Lily, he'd even promised to keep her boy safe, bloody Harry Potter- and yet, he hadn't given away everything.

"Well, please keep it there-"

"Yeah, it would be very kind of you if you could avoid selling us to Dumbledore just for bloody St Lily's sake," Raven hissed, interrupting Regulus, and she didn't give a damn if she sounded jealous or pissed off... or both. Because she was. Mind, she wasn't really mad at Severus. Perhaps, she was mostly angry at herself for being so foolish and hoping he'd get over Lily one day. _If only_... but there were no more if onlys; she'd done everything she could to win his heart and apparently she had failed. Now, all she could do was to cut their losses by reminding Severus that she didn't trust Dumbledore. Not at all. "So what did you give him in return?"

Severus smirked ever so slightly, although it pained him to see Raven so upset, so hurt... all because of him; because he couldn't give her what she wanted. But this wasn't about them, he reminded himself. It was all for a greater good- as Dumbledore had said- and, funnily, the Headmaster seemed to have the same interest in mind as Lord Voldemort. "He wants me to take up a position at Hogwarts..."

"Blimey!" Regulus gasped. "What a fortunate coincidence! Isn't that just what the Dark Lord asked you to do?"

"Indeed." Knowing that he was now serving two masters with the same intention didn't make things better. He was still caught in a downward spiral, winding down, down... down until no hope was left. But he had to play along; he had to grin and bear it. For Lily. And- last but not least- for his friends.

So if both, Dumbledore and Voldemort, wanted him to spy for them, there might be some information left worth sharing with his friends. True, it was a risky job- but not more risky than what Raven was doing every night for the last two years. Had she ever complained? No. So he could be a spy, too, postponing his own career plans into an uncertain future... it didn't matter. He'd never had a prospering, promising future anyway. Only hopes and dreams that were irrelevant now.

But, after all was said and done, he had _not_ exceeded his limits, had _not_ gone too far... had _not_ sold his soul to the highest bidder.

And yet, he had to face the consequences of his actions. He had sold the prophecy to the Dark Lord just to save his own skin; so he was to blame for whatever spark he had ignited, even if it was merely by accident. Clearly, he hadn't chosen things to turn out that way.

And therefore, it didn't seem right to him to continue his sexual relationship with Raven any longer- after all, he was going to join the Order of the Phoenix and to take up a position at Hogwarts, spying for Dumbledore and the Dark Lord alike. Because of Lily. Anything to keep her safe.

As a conclusion, there wasn't any time, any space left for Raven. He already feared the drama that would follow his decision for it was something he dreaded because he never knew how to handle drama, an emotional outbreak, tears...

But there was no drama. No tears, no scene, no cursing him violently for giving up what was between them. Instead, she stayed cool, perhaps a tad too cool for his liking, and he almost wished for a more... _emotional..._ reaction- or just any reaction at all. She just stared at him while he tried to explain that he cherished their friendship, then she said, 'Alright,' took her jacket and left the room, left the flat, without looking back.

If only she'd slammed the door, or something like that. But no, she simply left and kept him waiting for her return.

First, he was mad at her for leaving him while he still needed a friend to talk about all the things that had transpired while _he _was away, kneeling and begging, pleading for Lily's life. Then, slowly, he realized it might have been exactly that attitude of his that had made Raven walk away in the first place: his selfishness. After all, she said she loved him so naturally she wouldn't be taking all his talk about Lily well.

Severus almost regretted his decision. He was so certain he'd done the right thing- but why didn't it feel right, then? Why did Raven's absence made him feel so miserable? Severus was confused. He didn't want to be ruled by strange emotions when logic told him it was better that way. And not only logic told him so; there was also his guilty conscience, his remorse and longing for redemption- _You disgust me, _hecould hear Dumbledore's words ringing in his head over and over again until he was disgusted by himself and all that was left was his sense of duty. Dumbledore had given him a chance to compensate for his sins and he had willingly accepted it. He'd do what the old man wanted him to do, for Lily's sake. It was alright.

Nevertheless, he felt as if he'd fucked things up again. Again and again. Perhaps that was his only talent.

Severus missed Raven. Sometimes, talking to her made him see things clearer or it made them more bearable due to her way of approaching them. Disrespectful, not giving a damn about traditions, rules or regulations, or all the other things that hardly made sense to her.

His initial anger subsided soon and was replaced by worry when she didn't return for a long time. Of course, she often stayed away for the night since her dreadful job requested just that- but tonight she wasn't dancing at the _Red Lantern_; it was not her shift.

So where was she? Severus tried not worry too much, knowing she was quite a formidable witch who could take care of herself pretty well- but this world was a mad place and theirs in particularly because it was at war. What if something had happened to her?A wave of panic seemed to wash over him at the sound of _what if_ was ringing like a cacophony in his head; he could surely cope with a lot of things and nothing would be too hard, but most definitely he couldn't handle life without Raven gracing it with her very own sunshine...

If Severus hadn't been in such an inner turmoil, he would have wondered about that fact, pondering it over until he'd finally realize the truth. But he was much too busy worrying about Raven while at the same time he felt guilty for doing so, because his worries should be focussed on Lily. This world was a mad, dark place and his was even darker; he was north of darkness.


	49. The Damned don't cry

_So sorry, real life is such a b**** and my head's too full with all those tedious business things to find more time for writing. Still, I will keep my promise and not abandon this story. _

_Thanks for your patience_

_And a big thanks to my dearest beta, hypnotic ink._

49-The Damned don't cry

Finally, Raven returned. About a day later... or, to be precise, twenty seven hours and endless more minutes and seconds later. Severus' heart almost jumped with joy the very moment he heard her turn her key in the lock. Then she walked into the room- her room- and her eyes widened with surprise when she saw him sitting there on her sofa, almost the way she had left him, while his eyes widened at the sight of her.

He jumped to his feet, staring at her with a mixture of relief- _Merlin, she's safe and sound_- and shock, since she was looking so very... _different. _Butat the same time so much more like Raven than in the past few months, because now she was back being the Raven he'd met so many years ago. The crazy girl with her unique style, wearing purple bell-bottoms and hilarious orange flokati rugs at Hogwarts, prancing the corridors with her star-spangled platform boots, shocking his father into civility with a glittering jacket. What had become of her recently? Why had she faded into the nothingness of black jeans, black shirt? Was it because of him? Had _he_ extinguished her spark? Was that just another thing he'd fucked up?

Now, however, she seemed to be back being her own, unique self, though in a different style. More adjusted to the 80's.

She was still dressed mostly in black, but it was a new style that included footwear one should need a licence for, because her shoes had killer high heels and were as pointed as a dangerous weapon.

And yet all he could do was to stare at her like a fool, incapable of saying anything more intelligent than gasping, "What happened to your beautiful hair?"

Raven's eyebrows shot up to meet her fringe, which was hanging down in her face at the left side while the opposite side was standing up in an unruly fashion... and unruly seemed to be the main theme of her hairstyle. The sides of her head were shaved to only a few millimetres, and on top was a backcombed mess resembling a Mohawk, while the hair in the back was still long. It was a weird mixture of Ziggy Stardust meeting post punk goth rock, and it was red. Very red. All different kinds of red, although mostly the bluish hues. Carmine, magenta, ruby, crimson, dark raspberry... It reminded him of wine. No cheap wine, of course, but the kind of wine that treated your taste buds with a challenge, smelling of rich, sun-blessed soil and a bouquet of various dark red berries in the aftertaste...

"Oh, you _liked_ my hair before?" She said ever so sweetly, almost dangerously sweetly as she took off her jacket and let it carelessly drop to the floor. "Too bad you failed to ever mention that- besides, I thought you like red hair?"

Now she was having a dig at him because of Lily. Lily had red hair... well, in comparison to Raven it was a moderate red. Soft and gentle, with golden hues. Autumnal shades. Not as flashing, bold and daring as Raven's hair. However, it suited her. Very well indeed...

But Severus just stood there, unable to make a compliment that could have possibly abated the tension between them, while he was still staring at her like a fool- _feeling_ like a fool- rendered speechless because, for a moment, he wanted to swap all the emeralds in this world for sapphires. _What was wrong with him?_

Meanwhile, Raven sat down on her sofa, wincing a little as she did so. Although she tried to hide it with a smug smile, he noticed it nevertheless and his expression changed from confused to worried.

"You alright? Are you wounded?"

_Only my pride, thank you very much_, she though. "Nah, I'm just a tad... sore..."

"Sore? What happened to you and where have you been?" Severus demanded in an accusing tone. He wanted to shout at her, but his words came out rather waspishly instead. Obviously, there was no need to worry anymore. She wasn't seriously injured, so it was alright to be mad at her. After all, she had left him in the dark about her whereabouts, leaving him waiting, anxiously...

Well, yes, he had broken up with her, had ended their... _romantic? sexual?... whatever _ relationship. But he hadn't ended their friendship. This time, he hadn't fucked things up completely- or had he? They were still friends, weren't they?

"Actually," Raven replied with a casual shrug, "I think that's none of your business."

"We're friends," he reminded her.

"Well, if you wanna be a good friend, go and get me some Murtlap Essence."

Immediately,Severus hurried off to fetch the desired cure, but it bugged him tremendously that she hadn't yet told him where she'd been and what had transpired. Perhaps, he even deserved being kept in the dark. Because he didn't deserve a friend like her- if they were still friends, that was ...

-o-

While Raven was waiting for him to return with the Murtlap Essence, she recalled the last twenty-seven or so hours without him. Of course, it had felt like a dagger stabbing her heart when he had broken up with her, although she knew all the time that their relationship was a fickle one from the start. He didn't love her because he loved St-Lily-on-the-pedestal, and she would never be like her.

Actually, she'd known all along that this would happen. And yet it hurt so...

But where to go with a broken heart? She had walked the streets, aimlessly, crying silent, bitter tears, until she finally found herself in front of Edie's door. Tentatively, she had knocked, not expecting much. She'd never had a best friend- not since she had parted with Emma, so many years ago, and that had been a different friendship. The friendship of two innocent girls, unspoiled by all the troubles that came with growing up and falling in love...

One of Edie's flatmates opened the door, looking bored as she pointed Raven the direction to Edie's room with just a nod of her head. For a moment, Raven almost regretted her decision.

_I shouldn't have come here..._

That feeling, however, changed when she met Edie, who proved to be a good friend.

_'You need distraction, lass,'_ she said and distraction she provided en masse. First, they had gone shopping, then to the hairdresser. Later, they'd gone to a pub, to one club and to another... Raven still remembered having met Jeffrey at some point. She also remembered accepting drinks from a handsome stranger, but Edie had warned her to not be too reckless, so she hadn't gone home with him. Ah, but it had been tempting for it was feeding her wounded ego that there were guys thinking her attractive, desirable. It was just what she needed. Edie knew that and said no, _'you'll only regret it.' _

It was strange hearing those words from Edie, who never wasted an opportunity...

'_I've got a much better idea,_' Edie had said and so they went to Spike's...

-o-

Severus returned, handing her the Murtlap Essence, still wearing a demanding expression on his face. His protectiveness- although usually welcome and even desired to some degree- annoyed Raven all of a sudden. She wanted to be alone. She wanted to take off her clothes and feel the air on her sore skin. She wanted him to leave while all the same she wanted him to stay, asking for his... _assistance..._ if only that wouldn't appear like a poor attempt to get laid. Because she would have to offer him skin. Her naked, newly tattooed skin...

Raven wasn't an expert when it came to tattoos, but she just knew that Edie had excelled herself and that a masterpiece was inked to her back now. It had taken hours, endless hours of pain. A strange kind of pain, almost pleasant- or at least not totally unpleasant... actually, it hadn't even hurt that much while Edie was working at it, and the buzzing sound of the needle had had a soothing effect on her.

If things were less complicated between them, she would have been proud to present her tattoo to Sev, although she knew he wasn't precisely a fan of that kind of art. At least he had politely declined Edie's offer to give him a free inking.

"Now, pray tell me where you've been," he snarled.

If things were less complicated between them, she would have felt flattered by the tone of his voice for it seemed to prove he still cared for her. Alas, things were complicated.

"As you can see, I've been shopping and to the hairdresser," she replied nevertheless, sounding a tad more snappish than intended. Then she added, "with Edie."

Perhaps she shouldn't have said that because his eyes got darker, taking on the touch of inquisition. "Show me."

Now, that was a bold request but perhaps without any ulterior motive. On the other hand, he could tell her a thousand times over that he wasn't interested in her and still it would be a lie- or a thousand lies- because lack of desire was definitely not the problem between them...

Raven hesitated for a moment, then she turned her back to him and took off her top.

She heard him take a sharp, audible gasp as he moved closer to take a more closer look at the lines inked into her skin, from her left shoulder all the way over her back and down her right thigh, forming the outline of roses and thorns. Those were strong black lines, more ornamental than naturalistic, but the roses were as recognisable as were the thorns. Many thorns. They seemed to be a statement, a synonym of her love affair with Severus.

"It's beautiful," he whispered, feeling slightly intoxicated by the smell of her hair, her skin, and he realized that he was much too close to her. Immediately he scolded himself for having those thoughts, those feelings- he simply shouldn't feel like that, shouldn't enjoy their proximity that much. It wasn't right to enjoy the pleasure of being with Raven, knowing that Lily was in danger. Because of him. And yet he couldn't resist temptation. "Let me help you with the Murtlap..."

Again, Raven hesitated for an instant before she agreed. It was reasonable, she told herself, since she couldn't apply the balm to her back all by herself. But in fact, she was merely longing for his touch...

It was warm and welcome. Although his fingers were elegant, long and slim, they were also strong and his hands were slightly calloused from working in a potion lab every day, cutting ingredients, handling cauldrons; his touch made her sore skin sting a little, but in a pleasant way. Sometimes, a little roughness was... appreciated. Especially when she could feel his breath on her naked skin, reminding her of happier times.

He had told her it was over and that he could no longer share her bed due to the circumstances. He had blamed it on many things, like the fact that he'd have to take up a position at Hogwarts and join Dumbledore's Order- he'd never said, though, that he didn't love her.

Well, he'd never said he loved her, either...

His hands had done their job- the Murtlap Essence was smeared all over her back successfully and it already presented the desired, soothing effect on her skin- so why were his hands still on her shoulders? Raven was slightly baffled since it seemed to her as if he was just about to turn her around and snog her senseless, and she was suddenly grateful for Edie's persistence of not letting her go home with that handsome stranger.

That very moment, a flash of light startled them and a phoenix-shaped something appeared out of thin air, speaking with the voice of Albus Dumbledore, "Please meet me Saturday at ten PM sharply outside of Hagrid's cabin. Come alone and don't be late."

_'Damned Patronus!'_ Raven cursed silently for he had spoiled the mood. Severus took a step backwards, looking guilty for having allowed any feelings of... love? longing? whatever had been between them only a moment ago. But whatever it was, it was abruptly gone and she was feeling all naked and vulnerable in the shining light of Dumbledore's bloody Patronus. Quickly, she put on her top again. _Is a Patronus capable of _watching_ you_? She wondered, and although she knew the answer was no, this unseemly interruption made her angry nonetheless. .

"Oh, that bloody old codger!" She hissed indignantly, "The nerve of him! It's so typically Dumbledore to show off with a phoenix Patronus in order to underline that he's so fucking special, so good and so pure, the bringer of light- and all for the sake of the Greater Good. It sucks! I'm so fed up with all of his bloody Gryffindor self-adulation that it makes me want to vomit. What the hell does he want from you now?"

"I think he wants to introduce me to the noble Order of the Phoenix," Severus guessed as he took another step backwards, putting up a sneer to hide his confusion that he'd almost kissed her. If only he'd be grateful for Dumbledore's interference- but he wasn't. Instead, he was slightly disappointed.

"Bloody old fart! I trust him as far as I can hex Lord V, and that's admittedly not very far."

"Believe me, Raven, I _am_ aware of the difficulty of the situation, but I'm not a total fool. I perfectly know what I'm engaged in."

-o-

Despite his words, Severus went to the meeting with mixed emotions. Of course he wanted to help Dumbledore and his Order if that meant protection for Lily. However, he wasn't keen to meet all the illustrious Order members, such as James Bloody Potter, her dear husband, and his cronies, the Marauders.

But- and he should have expected that- it wasn't Dumbledore's intention to introduce him to the Order of the Phoenix (probably all prodigious Gryffindorks), since the Headmaster didn't seem to trust him yet.

Well, the feeling was mutual.

Ever since Dumbledore had sent his Patronus, Severus had been mulling over the words of his friends, Raven's in particular, and he'd come to the conclusion that many of what she said was true. It was Dumbledore's job as leader of the Order of the Phoenix to ensure everyone's safety, especially when he got a reliable hint that somebody was in danger. Dumbledore, however, had chosen to test him or outwit him the last time they met, seeing nothing more but a useful tool in him.

And yet, Severus wasn't as useful as the Headmaster hoped for. He believed him to be a loyal follower of the Dark Lord, what he wasn't. Severus was not in his inner circle and he didn't carry the Dark Mark; a fact he was quite glad about. No horrendous 'tattoo' was marring his left forearm.

"You know, you have to play your part well, Severus," Dumbledore reminded him (as if he didn't know that already, provided that he wanted to survive- which he surely did). "Don't give Tom a reason to question your loyalty."

"Yes, sir," Severus replied, trying to hide the slightly sarcastic undertone in his voice while wondering what Dumbledore actually knew about the Dark Lord. Alright, he called him 'Tom', what seemed to indicate that he was at least aware of the fact that the Dark Lord was his former student, Tom Riddle. But he didn't seem to know his habits of keeping his followers in line, otherwise he wouldn't have given Severus such a very wise..._advice..._

Apparently, Dumbledore didn't know anything about the Dark Lord brutal way of raping one's mind with Legilimency, nor of his generous use of the Cruciatus Curse. Therefore, only a fool would dare to risk Lord V's mistrust, and Severus was decidedly no fool. At least not when it came to playing games.

_Actually, I'm quite good at that by now_, he thought as he left the unpleasant presence of Dumbledore for an even more unpleasant one. Severus Apparated straight to Malfoy manor where he hoped the Dark Lord would reside in order to give him an update of the current situation, hoping he'd be pleased to hear that Severus was finally accepted as a teacher at Hogwarts, since that was what the Dark Lord wanted. He wanted him to be in a position to spy on Dumbledore just as much as Dumbledore wanted him to spy on the Dark Lord, and Severus was willing to do both for Lily's safety.

"Now go and tell your master that he succeeded in planting a spy at Hogwarts." Dumbledore said in a dismissive tone, not sounding like the benevolent uber-grandfather at all. Also, he didn't sound as if he trusted Severus yet. "Most likely you'll find him at the Malfoys- they're having their annual Christmas donation ball tonight. But I'm certain you knew that already."

-o-

Malfoy Manor was illuminated like a Christmas tree, blinking like a stranded UFO in the darkness of the countryside, and all the absurdity of light and shine was reflected in the glittering, fake magical snow that covered the vast garden of the mansion but not its surroundings.

Apparently, Dumbledore was right and Lucius was indeed having a party. One of his big, very important social events, raising donations for orphaned wizards and witches, or for impoverished war widows that couldn't afford their army of house-elves any longer.

Severus snorted and arched a sophisticated brow at such an obvious ostentation of fortune, fame and bad taste as he made his way towards the main entrance, while all the same he was confident that he'd actually find the Dark Lord there- even though Lord Voldemort was decidedly not a party animal. Nevertheless, he'd be there, waiting for the opportune moment to present himself and herald his ideology to the people.

And Severus was right. An old house-elf nodded thoughtfully when he stated his wish to meet the Dark Lord, bowing obediently before he led him to the Green Parlour and away from the party noise, which sounded strange and much too cheerful- considering the situation- anyway.

Lord Voldemort was sitting on a throne-like chair, looking slightly bored. That wasn't a good sign. Immediately, Severus' defences went up, building a fortress around his thoughts, his mind. Surprisingly, though, his audience with the Dark Lord went quite well, without him having to suffer his wrath or displeasure.

Instead, the Dark Lord was in an almost cheerful mood mind when he heard the good news from Severus. Everything seemed to happen accordingly to his plan, and so he once more offered his talented and apparently loyal young follower the dubious chance to become a member of his inner circle- which included branding him with the Dark Mark as a sign of his appraisal.

It wasn't easy to squirm free of such an offer, and yet Severus managed to do so without being punished for disobedience. Amazingly, his request for anonymity didn't fall on deaf ears with the Dark Lord.

-o-

Voldemort seemed to weigh his servant's words and came to the conclusion that there was no fallaciousness in them. The voice of reason and logic was coming from Severus Snape's lips, so Voldemort praised him for his thoughtfulness as well as for his modesty. Silently. He didn't believe in praising his servants aloud, but he knew that loyal servants needed... courtesies to keep them satisfied and in line. So he generously offered Severus to participate in the festivities at Malfoy Manor, even though he was not on Lucius' guest list for the evening.

The offer did also include the service of certain ladies, and at that point, Severus declined it politely

"If you don't mind, my Lord, I'd rather go home and prepare myself for the task at hand, now that Dumbledore accepted me as a teacher at Hogwarts. I have to play my part well."

He knew that neither Dumbledore nor the Dark Lord gave a damn about his success in classroom, but it was a good enough excuse to spare himself further embarrassment since he wasn't interested in Lucius' whores.

"I was once like you are now, Severus," the Dark Lord hissed, "always so studious and ambitious. Like you, I didn't waste time with meaningless pleasures of the flesh. You glance at me with admiration as you see me here, almost at the height of my power, and of course you want to be just like me. So, now you have me wondering whether your ambition is endearing or challenging."

"My Lord," Severus gasped, building high towers around his mind once more, "I would never even dream to ever be nearly as-" _Ugly and snakelike, Raven would have called him, but he quickly dispelled these thoughts before they could get him killed. But why did he have to think about her now? _"- brilliant and powerful as you are. I am just an unimportant admirer of your greatness. There is no-one who could possibly match you and I doubt there ever will be."

The Dark Lord seemed to be bored with his words- probably he had heard them, or something sounding similar, a thousand times before. Nevertheless, he still was in a very good mood and so he refrained from punishing Severus. Instead, he decided to prove his generosity by simply dismissing him with a languorous gesture of his spidery hand.

-o-

On his way back to London, Severus paused for a moment to think about Hogwarts. Once, he'd loved the idea of attending a school where he wouldn't be the freak, the outsider. When he was a child, he thought that such a place would exist and he had described it to Lily in the brightest, most dazzling colours he could think of. But reality had caught up with him in form of the Marauders, shattering his hopes and dreams from the very first moment he'd met James Potter. After that, everything had gone down the drain. Lily and he had been Sorted into different houses which had at long last lead to their alienation, causing the parting of their ways.

The greatest place in the world, the perfect refuge from his Muggle father, had become his damnation in the end. Hogwarts had never been the paradise he'd dreamed of; he didn't have the best time of his miserable life there- if possible, attending Hogwarts had made his life even more miserable. He seemed to have been doomed being the eternal loner (or loser; it was the same anyway)

And now he was going back to the place of his greatest embarrassment, his greatest shame. When he thought of Hogwarts, he would always recall that fateful day when he was dangling upside down in the air, revealing his greying pants, lashing out at anybody who was there to witness that embarrassing scene. Unfortunately, Lily had been his victim then, and she'd never forgiven him for that.

Life was a bitch.

Nevertheless, his memories of Hogwarts weren't all that bad. True, it somewhat scared him that he'd have to teach students who still remembered that horrible incident by the lake, but his time at Hogwarts also held some happy memories. Strangely, only a very few of them included Lily. He would have thought that there'd be more, but the majority of them was focussed on Raven, starting with her sharing those weird ice lollies with him- Mr Merlin's Magic Purple Potion- so many years ago in the hospital ward.

Feeling slightly puzzled, Severus took his time before he went home that night. Instead of Apparating straight to the flat he shared with Raven, he made a detour via Spinner's End, all the way down memory lane. For a long moment he stared at the house he grew up in; it looked deserted and more dilapidated than ever. From there he walked to the playground where he'd met Lily the first time, looking at the swing, waiting for that blissful feeling that always overcame him when he thought of that very special day. Strangely, it didn't happen tonight..

And so he continued his way to the street where Lily used to live. Meanwhile, it had started drizzling slightly; the streets were wet and desolated, and the merry Christmas decoration in some of the windows he passed almost seemed to mock him.

He knew she didn't live there anymore. Now, Lily was living in the wizarding world, in a posh home with house-elves and whatever else Potter's money could buy... Santa Claus, Rudolph and all the other blinking spawns of bad taste were laughing at him, taunting him with their twinkling lights until he felt like a fool for having come here to observe a house that didn't even bear witness of its former inhabitants. Lily's parents died in a car crash a few months before they could hold their first magical grandchild in their arms, and her horrible sister moved away after Lily graduated. Severus didn't know where but he didn't give a damn anyway.

Shaking his head, he cast a last glance at Lily's childhood home and decided that it was time to move on. He didn't want to think about Lily and Potter any more. It gave him the creeps, and he'd probably never understand why a promising and clever witch like Lily could fall for such an... _arrogant toerag-_ to put it in her words- and waste away her future at his side.

Well, he pondered, _perhaps we are a generation of losers, victims of the war. _No one he knew had made a proper career yet. Many of his house mates had joined the Dark Lord, hoping for fortune and fame within his ranks. And many Gryffindors had joined Dumbledore's Order, hoping for the same, although on different, more heroic grounds.

In the end, however- and no matter which side would win- there would still be a generation of losers. Blame it all on this stupid war, nurtured by decades or even centuries of house rivalry, bias and asininity.

Severus longed to go home, to leave this all behind. At least for a while. And while he Apparated back to London, he realized that he'd never felt more at home than in those past years he shared a flat with Raven.

The lights were still on in her room; it gave him a feeling of warm welcome even if things hadn't been easy between them lately. Of course, it was all his fault. He had ended their whatever relationship. Probably that was just one of the many things he'd fucked up in his life since he'd never meant to end up their friendship, which was still very important to him. Actually, if he thought about going back to Hogwarts, the thing he dreaded most was being separated from Raven, and he already missed her and her precious friendship, her quick wit, sharp tongue and disrespectful manners. Only a few more days and he'd be back to damnation again, back to isolation. Back to students that would still remember his worst memory, dangling upside down in the air...

He wished he could just fly away to a place where no one knew his name, but he had landed himself in that mess and there was no easy way out of it; he had to atone for his sins, his follies.

Awkwardly, he pushed open the door to Raven's room, not knowing quite what he was going to tell her or why he came here in the first place. Well, he could still say he merely wanted to check on her when he saw the lights were on, and that wouldn't have even been a lie. It wasn't quite the truth either.

She was dozing on her sofa but was wide awake the moment he entered the room.

"Sev, you alright?" Raven asked with a husky voice, the evidence of sleep ringing in it.

"Yes," he replied monosyllabic, and probably he should have left then. He knew that she was alright and she knew that he was alright, so everything was fine between two friends.

"So you met Dumbledore?"

He nodded in the affirmative.

"But he didn't invite you to join his prodigious Order, did he?"

Blame it on the glorious play of colours of her lava lamps or on the sound of music ringing from the speakers- it seemed to represent his current mood, dark and melancholic- (or on the fact that she'd always figure him out) that made him stay, awkwardly pointing at the space next to her on her sofa. "May I?"

"Why, sure." Immediately she gathered her long legs underneath her to make room for him. "May I hazard a guess, Sev? You met the Dark Lord as well, tonight?"

Again, he nodded; she simply knew him too well.

"But you're alright?"

"The Dark Lord was in a rather splendid mood today. As it seems, I'm his most reliable and loyal servant- at least at the moment- because I managed to get that position at Hogwarts."

"Cool, but does he know that Dumbledore wants you to spy on him?"

"He does, and that idea kind of thrills him since he doesn't expect disloyalty from me, his most humble and modest servant." Sarcasm was dripping from his velvety voice, carelessly, since his mind was focussed on Raven. Her red-wine-and-berries-coloured hair was still strange to him, but even stranger was the fact that it still smelled of green apples. And when had he moved so close to her that he could have realized it?

Nevertheless, he welcomed the familiar warmth she radiated, and she wasn't averse to his proximity either.

-o-

Later, Severus couldn't quite recall how it had happened but a sudden gesture of tenderness had led to a kiss and then one kiss had led to another. When had his fingers discovered her soft flesh, remembering the bliss of touching her and being touched? All his resolve was shattered into pieces and he didn't give a damn about it, bathing in the comfort she gave him when they were once more entwined like lovers, groping desperately at each other in the heat of passion.

"We have to stop this," he gasped, breathlessly, as he slowly regained his senses and realized what they'd just done. Strangely, it still felt good, much too good.

"Why?" Raven almost laughed. She arched a quizzical brow at him. "I mean, you started it."

"I know. I'm sorry- no, that's not quite true..." Severus sighed. If only life would be less complicated. "It's just... I don't want you to get your hopes up too high, Raven. We can't be together."

Instead of feeling affronted or sobered, she noticed the little sad tone in his voice which for once didn't sound like his usual lame excuse that he'd always and forever love St Lily on her pedestal. And so she didn't reply but waited for him to explain.

"I'm leaving for Hogwarts in two days..."

"Oh, so soon already?"

Severus offered her a wry smile. "Dumbledore wishes to discuss the curriculum with me."

"At Christmas?"

"He believes it to be the opportune time- all or most of the students are gone for the holidays, which gives him plenty of time to instruct me. I assume he wants to make certain I keep to the very same curriculum Professor Slughorn invented some decades ago."

"Just like he still thinks Borage the height of Potion literature."

He chuckled darkly. No one understood him like Raven did and he missed her already. Life at Hogwarts would be a joyless event without her by his side, something he dreaded more than he was ever going to admit. Severus couldn't help but run his fingers through Raven's red-berry-wine hair, knowing it was a very tender gesture and actually feeling a great deal of tenderness for that wonderful witch in his arms. "Ah, it's more than that, I guess. Most likely, Dumbledore fears I might teach the students the Dark Arts instead of Potions, and he wants to prevent that."

Raven laughed without sounding amused; she knew Severus better than Dumbledore did to know that this notion was just too absurd. Of course, Severus was fascinated with the Dark Arts. But he was even more fascinated with the subtle art of Potions and took more pleasure in a bubbling cauldron than in torturing people or anything like that.

"Stupid old codger. Anyway, we'll stay in touch, won't we?"

At that point, Severus disentangled himself from her embrace and propped himself up on one elbow to give her a stern, sad glance. "I'm afraid that won't be possible."

"Why ever not?"

The voice of disbelief rang in her words and her tone sounded a tad too shrill and spoke of all the hurt he had wanted to avoid – that's why he had broken up with her in the first place. Now he condemned his neediness, his allowance of that outbreak of passion only so that _he_ would feel a little better, comforted and satisfied, while taking the risk of hurting her even more and breaking her heart. Again and again and again.

"Dumbledore didn't speak it out openly, but he gave me the impression that all the owl post at Hogwarts is being intercepted for reasons of safety, and even though I know you won't send me any compromising news, I still prefer him to not find out just how much-" _you mean to me. _But he never spoke out that part of the sentence, slightly confused by the sincerity he felt about it. "I... I neither want him nor Voldemort to know that we're friends." _Or more? _Well, it was definitely more than just friendship even though he still hesitated to call it love. "I don't want to endanger you because of my follies."

His words were brimming in her head, not making any sense- she realized he merely wanted to keep her as safe as possible, which was definitely very gentlemanly and cute... but pointless. She was in too deep already, anyway. Even if neither Dumbledore nor Voldemort knew of their friendship, she had long chosen her own little involvement in this war when she had signed her contract at the _Red Lantern._

His fingers traced he outline of her tattoo, lost in thoughts as it seemed. Then he cleared his throat as he wound a streak of her strangely coloured hair around his fingers, apparently worried.

"You look much too... _striking._.. anyway." _Please quit your job at that damnable place! It's too dangerous!_

"Ah, " Raven replied, feeling flattered by his worries although they were absurd, and so her voice took on a slightly sarcastic tone. "So you believe me incapable of casting a reliable glamour?"

Now he was feeling silly for he hadn't considered that. She was right, of course. She was quite a capable witch and he was making a fool of himself because he always worried too much... because he cared too much.

Without calling it love he kissed her again and while he cherished the taste of her lips, he already dreaded having to say goodbye to her all too soon. Hogwarts would be a dark and lonely place without her.

-o-

Less than two days and they would have to part, have to say goodbye for a very long time. Raven would not be able to see Severus, meet with him, speak with him- not even via owl post- and that frustrated her tremendously. In less than two days he'd be gone and they hadn't even started to solve the mystery of their relationship yet. Was it just friendship with benefits or was it more? Did _he_ mull over this question just as much as she did?

_If only we could spend every free minute left together,_ she wished- but real life was a bitch that didn't even grant them that little pleasure. Severus had to be at St Mungo's for some important, last minute brewing tests and she couldn't stay away from work either. And unfortunately, their working schedules didn't coincide at all. He had a daytime job while she was busy late at night or in the early hours of the morning, since hers was a shady business. But it was necessary, she kept telling herself when she overheard some Death Eaters talking that night; it gave her an uneasy feeling albeit she couldn't quite put her fingers on what it was precisely that bothered her.

Lost in thoughts she went home, hoping for a chance to talk things over with Severus but fearing that he'd already left for St Mungo's when she arrived- he really seemed to be keen to finish his experimental potions there before he was doomed to waste his talent away at Hogwarts.

The bright neon lights of Christmas managed to cheer her up for a brief moment. In those pretty lights even all the evil of the world looked so pretty... and so very fucking trite.

Then she saw that advertisement- she had already mulled over what to give Sev as Christmas (or farewell) present, something to remind him of her and the good times they'd had, but hadn't come up with anything suitable yet. Well, that was it. Praising modern Muggle technology, she easily came up with a sufficient spell so that Sev would be able to use it at Hogwarts. The idea made her smile.

-o-

Severus hated long goodbyes. They usually ended in tears and tears made him feel uncomfortable, therefore he politely declined Raven's offer to take him to the station where he would board the Hogwarts Express. Besides, she had threatened to take him on her infernal motorbike, and that made it even easier for him to decline. After all, he was a wizard. He could pretty well Apparate to Platform 9 3/4 and spare himself the shame of possibly being spotted riding a Muggle vehicle... or in her company. It was too dangerous. He didn't want her to be involved in all the mess he'd gotten himself in; he wanted to keep her out of it as much as possible- even if he knew that that was neigh impossible since she was in too deep already and not only thanks to him. Nevertheless, the less either the Dark Lord or Dumbledore knew about her the better.

And yet he almost regretted his decision when she grabbed him and kissed him, and it was quite a fiery, passionate kiss she gave him before she wordlessly retreated to her room, leaving him slightly breathless.

He thought he could still feel her lips burning on his when the train pulled in to Hogsmeade station hours later, and he knew he'd miss her tremendously the next weeks and months while he was at Hogwarts. But he had to hide those thoughts in the deepest, darkest corner of his soul when he met Headmaster Dumbledore for an instructive talk about his duties as Potions Master at _'the wizarding world's finest institution for young wizards and witches'_ (Dumbledore's words) and he only felt strangely lonely when he retired to his quarters in the dungeon late at night, lonely and frustrated, missing his best friend. His partner in crime. His... _lover._

While pondering about their relationship and realizing that she probably meant more to him than he would have ever guessed, he busied himself with unpacking his belongings and warding his quarters. It didn't surprise him at all when he discovered a little parcel wrapped in dark green gift wrap paper that Raven must have smuggled into his trunk, so typically her.

Smiling, he opened his Christmas present, knowing it was probably a tad too early but doubting that there was anyone who cared. Perhaps Dumbledore would have insisted on waiting for the opportune moment, but fortunately he wasn't around to criticise him.

It almost sent a shiver down his spine, reading Raven's short note that came along with an artefact of modern Muggle technology- which shouldn't be found in his possession if either the Death Eaters or Dumbledore searched his room. Well, he could rule out both of these chances since he trusted his wards, knowing they were as strong and impenetrable as possible, and even if someone found his new portable cassette player, Severus doubted that anyone knew what to do with it.

He burned Raven's note that reminded him of how to use and recharge Muggle technology in a magical and therefore Muggle-phobic surrounding like Hogwarts.- he already knew those little spells she had created to make both worlds coincide, just like _she _wanted them to.

Putting on the earphones of his new portable cassette player, he first _Engorioed_ his collection of music tapes (also smuggled into his trunk by Raven) and then searched it for the right sound. He smiled again when he found that she had included almost everything for any possible swing of moods, knowing it must have taken her hours of tape-recording. _Silly, sweet witch..._

In the end, he chose a collection of punk rock classics to make his first night as a teacher at Hogwarts more bearable. Severus relaxed to the wild beat of drums, the screeching sound of strumming guitars, and the angry words of _singers_ shouting out their frustration about the injustice of life. In all the madness that surrounded him, it was the still most adequate and reliable way to give vent to his very own frustration.


	50. Wish You were here

50- Wish you were here

They met at a pub in Soho. It was just an ordinary pub, but in those days a lot of extraordinary people met there before they swarmed out to visit the various nightclubs in the neighbourhood. Mostly, these kids were dressed in black.

As was Regulus Black. He had already finished his third beer, washing down the frustration from his job at the ministry when Raven arrived, looking just as miserable as he felt. Immediately, he signalled the barkeep to serve her a drink.

She downed her first, then ordered a second. Quite a while passed in silent companionship and drinking, before she leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed. She was feeling lonely and he was a handsome bloke in his Muggle clothes; they always looked so much better on him than robes.

"Raven..." he whispered. Her lips were so close to his and for a moment, everything seemed to be possible. Regulus shook his head, blaming these thoughts on his state of drunkenness. They were both pretty drunk. "We shouldn't-"

"Right." She nodded."Stupid me." Then she fleetingly brushed his lips with hers and sighed again. "Dammit, I miss him so!"

"Still no word from him?"

"Nah, he can't send an owl since the bloody beasts are being intercepted, therefore the Floo is out of question, too. And the next phone box is miles away." She gulped down her beer and slammed the glass on the counter in a subtle hint for the bartender to refill it, which he promptly did . "You know, Reg, someone should develop small portable telephones that you can hide in the pocket of your robes or something like that. It just sucks, missing him. I've never been away from Sev for such a long time. Of course, when we were young we were apart during the summer hols, but that was different."

Regulus nibbled at his lips. A vague idea- or more the notion of an idea- had crossed his mind when she was talking about portable telephones, but it was gone before he could quite put his finger on what it was.

"We didn't have Christmas together, or New Year, and I also missed celebrating his birthday. I don't even know if he's alright."

"Don't worry, Dumbledore wouldn't want to waste his pawn all too soon."

"Now, that's really comforting!" Raven snorted. She knew, however, that Regulus was right. Dumbledore would keep Severus safe as long as he was useful to him. Nevertheless, it was a frustrating situation.

"I'm sorry. Life's a bitch."

"Ah, and what do you know about that, Blackie?"

"Don't call me Blackie."

"'kay, Blackie," she giggled, but her amusement didn't last for long. Soon, she sobered up a little and cast him a curious glance. Following a spontaneous inspiration, she punched a finger into his chest. "Lemme hazard a guess- you're in love with Edie Summers."

"Dear Merlin, no!" Regulus protested. "Definitely _not._ She's annoying and insufferable..."

Raven tsked at his response." Yeah, that's what Sev always says about me... and I believe him just as much as I believe you, meaning not at all. Of course, there's always Lily- he says he loves her, always and forever and such, but then we end up in bed again and he makes love to me. He doesn't just fuck me."

"Edie does."

"Oooh, Poor ickle Reggiekins- isn't she evil? Well, I think she fancies you."

"She despises me 'cause I'm a posh, spoiled pure-blood in her eyes."

"She doesn't care about the blood or that you're a wizard. Admittedly, she has problems with your high-class upbringing... hm, maybe she'll get over it- but your reaction proves that you're in love with Edie Summers."

"I just told you I'm not," he protested again, sounding more feeble than the last time he did so.

"Don't lie to me, Blackie."

"Don't call me Blackie."

"'kay." Raven lit a cigarette, inhaled and exhaled blueish fumes which she watched disappear in the smoke-filled air of the pub.

"I admit that I might find Edie quite attractive- but I'm not in love with her." He glared at Raven only to realize that it wasn't wise to make eye-contact in any way with someone who could read you like an open book, without using Legilimency in such a brutal, mind-raping way as the Dark Lord did. Her way was more subtle, more intuitive... and irritatingly more successful. He tried to squirm free of her inquisitive glance by evading it, tried to talk himself out of a situation he himself hadn't even quite grasped yet. Edie Summers was a troublemaker, a pain in the arse... she'd be the death of his mother if she ever found out he was even remotely interested in a Muggle girl. It wouldn't work. Never. There weren't only worlds between them but whole galaxies...

"She'll realize you're a fine guy despite your upbringing- I told her you are."

"You did?" Regulus asked puzzled. Sometimes, it still surprised him that they were friends. Of course, he trusted her, probably trusted her more than anyone else. Because she was so very different. Without her and the chance she'd given him, he'd be long dead. Dead and forgotten. He would have died a painful death in that cave by the sea, wasting his life away... if he hadn't run to her and Severus, carrying a dying Kreacher in his arms. Sometimes, he thought he was only a nuisance to her

"Yeah, we're two lonely... _lost_ souls... swimming in a fish bowl..."

"Fish bowl? What's fish got to do with it?"

Raven chuckled. "I will forgive your ignorance since you discovered the joys of Muggle music only recently. I was referring to a song, _Wish you were here_ by Pink Floyd."

"Ah." Regulus fell silent for a moment before he finally dared to voice the question that was on his mind. "What did she say?"

"Who? Oh, you mean Edie You're-not-in-love-with Summers? Well, she said ye've got a nice bum. And she's right with that. But don't worry, mate, I think she'll come to like the rest of you too."

Regulus rolled his eyes. It wasn't the answer he had feared, but it wasn't the one he had hoped for either. No one wanted to hear that his bum was the only positive attribute about him- and probably Edie liked it only because she had tattooed it with a portrait of Kreacher...

However, it didn't matter. It wouldn't work between them, anyway. Because of the galaxies.

If only he'd be a simply bloke from a normal family! Life would be so much easier. Sometimes, he wished he'd be more of a rebel, more like Sirius (at least in that aspect). But he lacked the selfishness, or perhaps the bravery, to alienate his mother so. On the other hand, he didn't want her to look at him as though he was the family's most precious stud horse either. All he ever wanted was to live his own life, make his own decisions- was that really too much to ask for?

"No, it's not." Raven replied quietly, and Regulus realized he much have thought too loud. At least for a skilled Legilimencer... or for someone who could simply figure him out much too well.

"I think it's about time we live our own life, make our own decisions and continue to fight our own battle."

Regulus knew immediately what she was driving at, and he wished he hadn't drunk that much. Or she hadn't. "You still believe we can fight the Dark Lord?"

"Aye," She simply said, but her tone was so serious he was almost prone to believe her. After all, she seemed to have sobered up... although she now ordered another drink and lit another cigarette. Then she ran her fingers through her unruly mess of red-purplish-pink hair. "Yeah, I know, the only one Lord V ever feared is Dumbledore... blah, blah, blah- but we know of his weakness; we already destroyed two of his Horcruxes."

It was true, Regulus pondered. And yet he dismissed her idea as absurd, considering it as wishful thinking of a hopeless idealist, because he didn't believe someone like Raven could outwit the Dark Lord. No one could. He knew what the Dark Lord was capable of, and that wasn't something one should take lightly... or dream up a better future without him in a drunken state of mind.

On the other hand, she didn't seem to be that drunk. She knew what she was talking about, and her arguments made sense. They _had_ already destroyed two of the Dark Lord's Horcruxes. And _HE_ didn't even seem to know about it.

Regulus sighed. Perhaps, she was right. Perhaps, her idea was not quite as hopelessly idealistic as it seemed, and perhaps, there might be a future for him. A better future... _and perhaps, Edie will come to love me..._

He realized that he was sounding just as foolish as Severus, and so he gave himself a good mind-shake before he glanced at Raven again. "Alright, so what's your plan?"

She shrugged.

"I don't have any," Raven said as she downed her glass of beer and set it loudly on the counter. "I mean, I don't have a _concrete_ plan- in the meantime, why don't we just rock on tonight and worry about the details tomorrow?"

-o-

Meanwhile, at Hogwarts, Severus ran frustrated fingers through his lanky hair, annoyed about the incompetence of his students to write reasonable essays, using the correct grammar and punctuation of the English language. It couldn't be that hard! After all, he stemmed from a poor, working class family and yet he had managed to leave all that behind _and_ he'd learned to use his own language decently. Marking mistakes with a quill dripping angry red ink, he wished that that would be his only problem.

But it wasn't. The students made his life a misery; they were stubborn, disobedient and always oh-so-fucking-eager to remind him of his own Hogwarts days, when he was the nerd, the lonely geek, the loser... the older ones still remembered that unfortunate day by the lake, of him dangling upside down in the air, revealing his greying underpants- and, in the end, screwing things up with Lily. These little dunderheads were a constant reminder of what he'd fucked up.

It was only partly supportive, knowing he wasn't a victim anymore. Now, he was a Master of Potions, and Dumbledore had hired him to teach those insolent brats the subtle arts of his profession- it was something he had to remind himself of every minute of the day. He had to fight the disobedience, the disrespectful ways of his students by pointing out who was their superior. He was in charge now, and best of all, he could take points and give detentions, and he didn't hesitate to use these means generously.

Soon, he had made himself a reputation for being Hogwarts' most feared teacher. Mind, he hadn't aimed for that- but Potions _was_ a dangerous subject for the imbeciles, and he was simply setting up some rules to ensure their safety. So, let them tell Dumbledore he was a mean guy- the Headmaster trusted him as much and as far as he could ever hex a Slytherin, and in between he preferred to use him like a precious pawn.

Severus wasn't a fool; he knew he was only valuable as long as he came up with information considering the Dark Lord. There was no trust in their agreement.

He put on his earphones, chose a cassette and turned the volume up pretty loud to forget all that for a moment, thinking of Raven while listening to a song she had tape-recorded for him. Severus relaxed. Then he picked up his quill and started marking essays with newly found energy and even more determined red ink, wondering why she always seemed to know so precisely what it was that he needed, wondering why she had recorded especially these songs for him. Why did she always seem to know what was necessary to reflect the state of his mind?

Anyway, thinking of Raven made him smile, and for an instant he allowed himself to remember her almost longingly. He also recalled how inspiring, encouraging- and often annoying- her individuality was to him, during their Hogwarts days. If he weren't in love with Lily, he could have fallen in love with her. Easily. Because she had walked into his life on her very own ray of sunshine, so very full of light and promises... and yet he couldn't forget Lily. Or could he?

But that question wasn't on his agenda. It was a fickle and therefore useless train of thought anyway- or, at least, he had declared it as such the very day he had started his job at Hogwarts. As a professor for Potions... and a spy.

There was no room for love in his job description.

-o-

A couple of days later, Raven arrived at the doorstep of Number12, Grimmauld Place, looking like the perfect little pure-blood witch. She knocked the door, still thinking she could fool everyone with her disguise. But then Kreacher answered the door and seemed to recognize her immediately.

"Ah, Mistress Scum," he said in his unpleasant bullfrog voice. "Please follow Kreacher, Master Regulus is already expecting Your Annoyance."

"Thanks, you little pest. It's always a pleasure to meet you-"

"Shhhhhh," the ugly little house elf turned to hush her. "Not so loud, Mistress Scum. _She_ will notice- oh dear, oh dear."

Kreacher fell silent, and the very same moment Raven heard footsteps approaching. She followed the house-elf's glance to a staircase leading to upstairs floors; it was decorated with shrunken elf heads.

Although Kreacher was the most unpleasant house-elf she'd ever met, she felt sorry for him all of a sudden, wondering if he was to end like that, too, when he was dead- _killed?-_ knowing that the parade of his predecessors was not to keep them in loving memory, but a constant reminder for all the Black's house-elves to never even think of disobedience or disloyalty. And considering that, Kreacher had already gone much too far...

A witch dressed in black came walking down the staircase, looking just like... Morticia from the Addams Family. Raven had to blink twice to make sure her eyes weren't fooling her.

"Kreacher! Who came knocking?" _Morticia_ demanded as she descended the stairs in an almost majestically way- but, of course, she wasn't Morticia, and the Addams Family was just a cartoon, originally published in _The New Yorker_, whereas this was reality.

A few steps more and Raven was face to face with Walburga Black, Regulus' mother. She was beautiful- or, at least, she looked beautiful at first glance. The beauty of the Blacks. But Raven also noticed the signs of madness that shone in her eyes, and she remembered Reg's warning to be vigilant.

So she curtseyed politely before she introduced herself. "Good day, Mrs Black. Pleased to meet you Ma'am. I'm Raven Lestrange, and I'm here... um, to meet your son."

"Lestrange?" Walburga Black scrutinized Raven from head to toe. Like a predator. Fortunately, she failed to uncover Raven's glamour- or, perhaps, she didn't even want to, blinded by her irreproachable pure-blood name. _If only she knew..._ "Are you possibly related to my dear Radcliffe Lestrange?"

"Only distantly." Raven was just about to spin a tale about her imaginary great-great-grand uncle Hieronymus, who left wizarding Britain in 1812 to take a Grand Tour of the world and probably ended on a remote island in the South Seas where he lived happily ever after with a banana-leaf-clad native witch- when Regulus arrived at the scene.

"Mother! That's enough." He reproached her, and to Raven's surprise Mrs Black seemed to shrink a little at her son's chiding. Not as much as the shrunken house-elf heads but nevertheless recognizable. In the good old traditional ways of the pure-bloods, a wizard was still higher in hierarchy than a witch and therefore Reg had not only inherited his father's money but also his title; he was now the patriarch of the family.

It was amusing since he didn't give a damn about that.

"As you please, my dear. Would you like me to order the elves to bring some refreshment for your... _guest_?" Mrs Black asked politely, smiling at Raven.

It was a shrewd smile, one that made Raven feel uncomfortable. Especially since she knew that the older witch was very keen on having grandchildren, the sooner the better and preferably sons- _would it be rude to point out that she wasn't here to... _breed_ and give birth to a new generation of Blacks?_

But before she could say anything, Regulus opened a door and ushered Raven into a room, out of sight of Walburga Black. "Thank you, mother. Please tell Kreacher to bring us some tea."

Then he closed the door, staring at Raven while Raven was staring in awe at the rows of bookshelves that lined the room from floor to ceiling.

"Wow," she gasped impressed. The air was a little stale and smelled of old paper and leather, of forbidden or at least not Ministry-approved knowledge. It was a tantalizing smell, one that inspired her curiosity in spite of the shadows that were lurking in the corners. Some of the books seemed to radiate something...e_vil _(in loss for a better word). The evil of ancient magic and the Dark Arts, as if reading and studying those books had manifested the darkness in the shadows.

"Sorry 'bout my mother, she's a real pain in the neck," Reg said, still staring at her as if he was seeing her for the first time. Puzzled, he started babbling, "I told her I would receive a friend today and that we'd do some research in wizarding heraldry- I knew she'd like that since she's constantly complaining about my lack of interest in the well-being and continuance of the very Noble and Ancient House of Black. I just didn't expect her to look at you as if you were a possible candidate to feed her dreams of becoming a grandmother soon; I thought you'd underline my state as the family's new troublemaker and- what the fuck happened to your hair?"

But before he could finish saying 'hair', it seemed to change and he had to blink twice to make sure his eyes weren't fooling him. Her long tresses of black hair took on her usual purplish-red-pink shades, completed with a messy Mohawk style.

"Oh, it's just a little glamour," she explained nonchalantly, "just enough to fool your mother, but apparently not enough to fool dear Kreacher."

"Yeah, house-elves seem to have a different kind of perception. They can easily see through our disguise," he answered almost automatically, flabbergasted.

"Clever little beasties."

"They are for sure." Then he coughed. "Blimey! You also fooled me! And I thought I'd know you! I'm impressed, though."

Raven shrugged."It's not that impressive, really. I... um, came to adopt that little trick when I was still quite young and trying to become unnoticeable- thanks to your darling brother and his infernal sidekick, the ever-so-wonderful James Potter."

"I'm sorry." Regulus gave here a warm, sympathetic smile and tried to not feel responsible for his brother's doings. "I know they gave you a hard time at Hogwarts, but at least it was good for something: you developed a rare gift and it comes quite handy now, doesn't it? After all, we live in times where being unobtrusive and unnoticeable is not an option but a necessity."

It was flattering and encouraging, knowing he appreciated her skills. But she wasn't here to take credit for her little tricks. She was in an impressive library filled with tons of books, tons of knowledge only waiting for her to discover. Changing the subject, she said casually, "Ta! Now that we've discussed that, we can go back to more relevant things, aye? And if I remember correctly, we wanted to find out more about the Dark Lord and his Horcruxes."

"Right."

They had arranged the meeting at Grimmauld Place some days ago, following their night out in Soho. Even after several rounds of beer Regulus was impressed by her insistence that they could really fight the Dark Lord and win, if only they knew more about him. For instance, knowing all about his Horcruxes. Two were already eliminated, but there had to be more, one more at least. All good things come in threes, as the saying goes. Or perhaps there were even seven, for seven was a magical number and Raven assumed that Lord V was very keen on all the traditional wizarding hocus-pocus. Like caring about numbers and stuff like that. So perhaps following that trail would give an idea about his Horcruxes.

Due to her profound research some years ago, Raven knew that the Dark Lord was the heir of Slytherin, a descendant of the Gaunt family and likely the son on Merope Gaunt, sired by a man by the name of Tom Riddle, a Muggle. However, in the _Almanac of Wizarding Genealogy_ no one by that name ever appeared and the line of the Gaunts ended with the death of Morfin Gaunt, back in the 1940's; he died in Azkaban. It was still a mystery to Raven why none of Lord V's pure-blood followers had ever questioned his background, given that every pure-blood family treasured their _Almanac_ and knew of their family trees. But Tommy-boy could call himself Lord Voldemort and claim he was the heir of Slytherin ,and nobody ever wondered where the hell he came from. Even in the Black's well-sorted library there was no trace of him until he suddenly appeared from seemingly out of nowhere, like a rising star.

Frustrated, she started leafing through her copy of _Hogwarts, A History_ as if she could find answers there- which was unlikely since there didn't seem to be any in the huge library of the Blacks. They had spent hours already, consulting book after book that Kreacher had assiduously sought at command and carried to his Master Regulus, staying in the library after having served them tea.

"Phew," Raven sighed, running fingers through her hair, "perhaps we have to find out where the Gaunts lived and start looking-"

"Wait! Stop!" Regulus called out. He had been glancing over her shoulder as she leafed trough the pages of Hogwarts, A History, when all of a sudden one picture caught his interest. "Turn back the page!"

"That's Helga Hufflepuff." Raven said as she did so, sounding slightly bored.

"Yeah, I know. But look at what she's holding in her hands."

"A golden cup, a goblet or a chalice, or something like that."

"I knew I've seen it before!" Regulus exclaimed.

"Sure. We all got the same copy of _Hogwarts, A History_ when we started there and you should have read it."

"Smart ass! That's not the point. I mean, I saw the the real thing."

Raven arched a brow at him. "Did you really? After all, it's said that Helga's cup disappeared some years ago, following the murder of Hepzibah Smith; a crime for which her house-elf was convicted."

"Hokey was no murderer," Kreacher chimed in as demurely as his deep bullfrog voice allowed.

She reached out to pat his almost bald head, but he pulled a face as if her touch was disgusting.

Meanwhile, Regulus scratched his chin and said, "I know the story. Nevertheless, I know what I saw... the two finely wrought handles can't be mistaken and there was something engraved that might be a badger. Raven!" Now he sounded excited. "I am sure that the golden cup Voldemort gave to Bellatrix was Helga Hufflepuff's cup, and that it is another Horcrux."

She remembered he had mentioned the cup before and agreed that the mentioned object was probably a Horcrux. But if it was really Helga Hufflepuff's cup- well, that would catapult their hunt for Horcruxes into a new dimension, because it couldn't be a coincidence that two of Lord V's Horcruxes were artefacts of the founders of Hogwarts.

"We have to find it and destroy it," she concluded.

Regulus, however, shook his head no. "Not that one, I fear."

"Why not?"

"You don't know my cousin Bellatrix, but I do. And believe me, you don't want to be on bad terms with Bella. She's mad. Not mad like my mother, pestering you with her desire to be the grandmother of a new generation of Blacks. No, I mean really mad. Dangerously mad with the emphasis on _dangerous. _She loves to torture and she kills easily; I thought her cool when I was a child but now **I**'m scared of her, and I'm her favourite cousin."

Although Raven was keen on destroying another Horcrux, she was nevertheless wise enough to understand a fair warning when she heard one, and that one was unmistakably clear. Don't mess with Bellatrix Lestrange.

Regulus noticed her disappointment and suggested, "Hey, but your idea to visit the place where the Gaunts lived was good. Let's check this!"

-o-

The house was situated on a hill, overlooking the village of Little Hangleton; it was by far the biggest building around and from afar it looked quite impressive. But it you got closer, you could see that it was derelict. Tiles were missing from the roof and many of its windows were boarded. Ivy was spreading over the walls. It seemed as if the nearby woods were trying to reclaim what was once theirs.

Raven stopped her motorbike in front of the gate and said dryly, "Daddy doesn't live here anymore."

"Hmpf," grunted Regulus from the buddy seat, still slightly huffish since Raven had not once allowed him to ride the bike on their way to Little Hangleton. Instead, she had merely scowled and shown him his place. The buddy seat.

It hadn't been hard to find the town where the Gaunts lived. But instead of Apparating there, Raven had suggested they took a ride on her bike. So far so good. And while they were doing things the Muggle way, they had decided to inspect Lord V's paternal background as well. Alas, it seemed as if many years had passed since the Riddle family lived there.

"Well, let's go and check the Gaunts' house. It must be close-by. If Merope really fell for that Riddle guy, she's likely seen him often."

"I see you don't believe in love at first sight!" Raven teased him as she started the engine again and turned the bike, riding back to the village.

"What are you up to now?"

"I think it's time for a nice Sunday beer in that pub we saw," she replied casually.

Of course she wasn't just thirsty, and he didn't mind a good glass of Muggle beer either, but it bugged him tremendously that she was always playing her cards so close to the vest. They were friends and yet she treated him like a whelp, even if she wasn't that much older.

On the other hand, she seemed to know people better. Especially Muggles. It was something he found out when they entered the pub. A wrought-iron plate above the door was swaying in the gentle spring breeze, making screeching sounds as it showed a man swinging at the gallows. Needless to mention that the pub was called the _Hanged Man._

"Alright, listen," she deigned to give him a last minute instruction, showing quite clearly who was in command of their Sunday trip to Little Hangleton. Raven had a plan and she was filling him in. "We're location scouts for the BBC, looking for interesting stories about... um, the tragedy of good old English families, formerly of nobility and wealth, that lost everything and are impoverished, dead or almost forgotten now."

Regulus thought that lie would blast as soon as they started feeding it to the people of the village since they were eyeing them with suspicion anyway. But quite the contrary happened. _Was Raven using a _Confundus Charm_ on them?_ Although their first reaction was reservation towards strangers, they soon started to warm up and told them about the tragedy. Apparently, it had happened quite a while ago, some decades even, but it was still on the minds of the people.

"The Riddles were rich and snobby."

"Unpopular."

"Aye."

"They were murdered, you know."

"The police said they just died, as simple as that. But I tell you it was murder."

"What happened?" Raven asked, trying not to sound too curious although that sounded mightily interesting.

"Meg found them. Megan Higgins was their maid back them. She walked into the house like every morning and found them all dead. Mister Riddle, Missus Riddle, and their son, Tom. All dead. Murdered, if you ask me. People just don't drop dead all of a sudden."

"Yet the police said they all died a natural death. Heart failure or something like that."

"Of course we never believed that. I always suspected Frank."

"Who's Frank?" Raven interjected.

"Frank Bryce, the Riddle's gardener. The police grilled him for hours but he refused to confess and then the medical examiners said there's no sign of violence and they let him go."

"And what happened to Frank?"

"He's still doing the garden over at Riddle Mansion. Keeps to himself most of the time. He doesn't like crowds, he always says. And the crowd here doesn't like him. We still think he's responsible for what happened to the Riddles, though we don't mourn them."

"Aye. And we never believed his story 'bout that teenage boy he claims to have seen."

Raven exchanged glances with Regulus, a wry smile curling up her lips. It seemed to tell him that they were done at the _Hanged Man, _that it was time to say goodbye to the people of Little Hangleton and have a chat with the reclusive Frank Bryce instead.

-o-

Frank Bryce wasn't interested in talking to strangers. Unlike the village people, he wasn't even keen on the prospect of seeing his own face on television. Actually, he abhorred that idea. All he wanted to do was to live in peace and take care of his garden, just like he did since he came back home from war. True, doing his job wasn't as easy as it used to be. The years had taken its toll on him and his stiff leg hurt with every change of the weather.

Therefore, he gave the strangers a surreptitious glance and turned his back on them, thinking that nothing good could come from two youngsters on a motorbike. But then the girl with the weird coloured hair said something that made him change his mind.

Thirty-eight years. Thirty-eight years had passed and no-one had ever bothered to ask. The people in the village of Little Hangleton, the police back then... he had _told_ them, but they had chosen to ignore this lead and focussed on him instead. Until it became obvious that he could be ruled out because the Riddles weren't victims of an assault; they hadn't been killed. They just died...

And now that girl- _was she a punk? Or were all those people from the media looking like freaks nowadays?_- well she finally asked the question that should have been asked thirty-eight years ago.

-o-

"Please, Mr Bryce, we have information that you saw a teenage boy the night the Riddles died. Could you tell us more about him?"

Bryce's eyes seemed to light up and Raven knew she had almost won. Then he smiled. Or, to be more precise, the corners of his mouth twitched into something that vaguely resembled a smile, albeit it was thin and slightly wolfish. As if he didn't want to show his satisfaction and was trying to hide it instead.

"Where did you hear that?"

"Well, the people in the _Hanged Man_ sort of mentioned it."

He snorted contemptuously, but that didn't discourage Raven who could handle sneers better than most people; after all, she was friends with Severus Snape and he was the Master of Sneers. She had learned to deal with that from the moment on when she had decided to befriend Severus, and so she flashed Bryce an encouraging smile.

"I think that sounds like an interesting lead, Mr Bryce. I wonder why the police never followed it."

"It was easier to suspect me!" He barked, years of frustration obvious in his voice. "I fought for my country, I got crippled for my country. I never expected any reward or shiny medal- it would have been an honour to die for my county, for my king. But nothing of that ever mattered when the Riddles were murdered or just died. They needed a suspect and the suspect was me. They thought I merely came up with the story about that teenage boy to avert suspicion, but that's not true. I saw him! He was there. It's not my bloody fault that no-one else saw him. He was there. He was real-"

"I believe you, Mr Bryce," Raven said calmly, almost soothingly, before she inquired, "now, do you perhaps remember anything specific about that teenage boy?"

"Aye, I can still see him in my mind's eye, as if it was yesterday. He was probably seventeen or eighteen. Dark-haired, pale-faced. And, if I remember correctly, he was strangely dressed for a young man of his age, at those times."

"Could you specify that?"

"Well, I don't know much about fashion, you know, but it was in the early forties and we were still at war with the Krauts, and fabric was rare and expensive. That youngster, however, was wrapped in some sort of... _billowing robe- _if you know what I mean_._ Lots of expensive fabric. That's why I first thought he was some noble relative of the Riddles, all posh and arrogant, you know. But he behaved kind of fishy. Like hiding in the shadows, not aiming for the drive to Riddle Mansion, lurking around... as if he was waiting for something, or simply for the night to fall.

"I thought he was none of my business. If the Riddles hadn't wanted to receive any late-night callers, they would have told me. So I thought nothing 'bout it until they were all dead, and then no-one cared to hear my story."

"What an unbelievable ignorance," Raven agreed with him, trying to make it sound just as indignant as he was feeling while she rummaged through her bag to produce a picture of young Tom Riddle, taken from the yearbook when he was Prefect, Head Boy and Keeper of the Medal for Magical Merit. "Mr Bryce, would you please take a look at this photograph and tell me if this is the boy you saw that night?"

"Blimey!" Old Frank Bryce spluttered, "That's him! Who's he?" And after thoughtfully scratching his head, ruffling his thin, grey hair he added. "My, he pretty much looks like Tom Riddle junior, doesn't he? But Tom junior was never married, so that can't be- can it?"

-o-

"Well, as it seems, Tommy boy- better known as Lord V- killed his daddy and his paternal grandparents when he was still a teenager," Raven summed up after they had left Frank Bryce and were making their way along a partly hidden path that led uphill through the woods, "and probably he created a Horcrux after that splendid deed. So young and so much criminal energy-"

She fell silent when she reached the not so noble but very ancient house of Gaunt; it was a shabby, derelict hut. Then she recalled the pictures of Marvolo, Morfin and Merope Gaunt, and decided that she shouldn't have expected more.

"My, what a waste," she sighed, glancing at Regulus. "he should have accepted his Muggle heritage and demanded his legal succession- after all, he was Riddle's son. No matter if illegitimate or not, but I guess the mansion is worth much more than this."

"True," Regulus agreed. "At least we know now that the Dark Lord is not interested in mundane goods, such as wealth."

"Ah, what a relief:"

"That doesn't mean, however, that he wouldn't accept a generous, heartfelt donation for his course," he quipped before he asked, "Do you really think he created his first Horcrux here?"

"It's likely, isn't it? Though I think it wasn't his first. His first was probably the diary, after murdering Myrtle. Nevertheless- yeah, I believe he found something is this hovel that seemed to be special or worthy enough to turn into a Horcrux, after he killed his Muggle relatives..." She fell silent for a moment, "by the way, he must have managed to frame Morfin, because Morfin was accused of the murder and sent to Azkaban, where he died."

"I remember the story. Father told me. Morfin confessed, and the Aurors found out that it was his wand indeed that killed the Muggles."

"But isn't it absurd? I mean, two different police squads investigated the crime, and they both came up with different suspects of which one was sentenced to life imprisonment although he was innocent and the other was just lucky, and all the while the real delinquent was free to commit more crimes."

Regulus just shrugged.

"I think it's damned ineffective, if not to say counter-productive, that both the Muggle police and the Aurors investigate a crime and come up with different suspects. Old Frank Bryce was lucky that he didn't get sentenced for a crime he hadn't committed."

"You worry about old Frank Bryce?"

"No, I worry about the day both the Muggle police and the Aurors arrest two different persons for the same crime and sentence them although they've done nothing wrong, while the real delinquent goes free, only because the authorities of our worlds won't work together."

"Well, there's the Statute of Secrecy to be considered," Regulus reminded her. "You can't just go and tell every common Muggle police guy about our world."

"True," Raven sighed, but she didn't sound convinced. "Nevertheless, there should be some sort of Special Force, interacting between the two worlds."

Since Regulus failed to see that happen any time soon, if ever, he tried to forward their reason for visiting this ramshackle hut on such a nice, sunny spring day by pushing open the front door of the shack (it gave in with a loud creak) and he was just about to enter, when Raven stopped him with a sharp pull at his arm.

"Wait! Not so hasty!"

He turned to glance at her.

"You're going to ruin it all if you rush in like a fool. We have to do it thoroughly, you know."

"Do what?" There didn't seem much to do in an almost empty, dust-covered room, filled only with shadows.

Rolling her eyes, Raven proceeded her wand and mumbled an incantation that made the air in the room appear somewhat lighter, or just brighter, and suddenly all the outlines became more precise.

Now he realized his mistake. Regulus followed her glance and noticed some patches in the dust on the floor. Footprints. Apparently some very old footprints, for they were hardly visible before Raven had cast that charm, and he would most likely have destroyed them, had he rushed into the room like the fool she accused him to be. He arched a surprised brow at her- perhaps he should have considered to cast a _Revelio_, too.

On the other hand, she seemed to know quite well what she was doing, and that shouldn't come as a surprise to him for he knew she kept on studying her books on Auror training even though Auror headquarters (or the Ministry) still refused to accept her. And that was a shame, since she definitely had a knack for investigation.

"Alright, _you_ lead the way."

She didn't move, though. Instead, she merely stood rooted at the door, looking into the room, frowning. Then she performed another gesture with her wand and the crease between her eyes deepened.

"You alright?"

_Why did she hesitate? Aurors weren't known to be hesitant- but they weren't known to be very accurate and thoughtful either, and nowadays, they seemed to rely on their right to use Unforgivables more than on precise investigation work. Raven, however, was not like that. She focussed on her skills, her instincts... and somehow, she acted more like a Muggle investigator..._

Perhaps that was why it took a while for her to respond.

"Don't you... _feel..._ it?"

"Feel what?"

"Evil. Sorry 'bout the lack of a better word for it- a feeling of malevolence, of the Dark Arts. And I mean really Dark Arts, not just not-Ministry-approved-magic."

Regulus didn't feel anything, but he excused that with his growing-up in the permanent surrounding of not-Ministry-approved-magic. "Well, the Gaunts were surely not averse to the Dark Arts. After all, they were descendants of Salazar Slytherin- and, as far as I know- Morfin and Marvolo were both Parselmouths, like Salazar himself-"

"There!" Ignoring his comment, she pointed to a window sill at the far end of the room. "It's coming from there."

There was nothing special to be seen; there was just a window, blinded by the dust of times. And still, Regulus didn't feel or sense anything specific, let alone anything dark or evil.

"I can't even describe it properly, that feeling..." Raven shrugged, lost in thoughts and looking for words. "It feels... strange, _uneasy_... as if something bad and horrible is going to happen soon, only that it has happened already and the ghost of it is still lingering in the air, and the air has a slightly _sulphuric _taste- it's not even a stench, and of course you can't really smell the Dark Arts or evil per se, but the atmosphere in this room reminds me of the day Marc died."

"Marc?"

"Marc Bolan. . Apparently- meaning according to the Muggle police- he died in a car crash. But I was there, afterwards. And I know that it wasn't just an accident. He got killed by the Dark Arts."

"Why would the Dark Lord kill a Muggle rock star?"

"Simply because he was a Muggle? Anyway, I didn't say Lord V killed him. I just think that he was killed by the Dark Arts- too bad that there's still no scientific way to prove someone died of the Killing Curse." She briefly considered a career in forensic medicine to solve that problem, then she quickly dismissed the idea. "It was the same strange feeling of... _foreboding. _Of something that slowly suffocates you... actually, it almost felt like carrying that damned locket."

Now, Regulus understood, and all of a sudden, he thought he could feel it, too. It was an uneasy feeling that gave him the creeps and made his hair stand on ends, reminding him of the first time he had come close to a Horcrux, still recalling its urgent, tempting whisper.And that very same whisper was back, calling him, but it didn't have a sulphuric smell. It was just a whisper, begging him to move closer to the window, so he followed the footprints on the floor leading exactly that way.

Raven was close on his heels as she, too, made her way to the window, looking over his shoulder, and she was there just in time to stop him from picking up an object lying in the windowsill; it was a golden ring with a black stone.

"Don't touch it!"

"It's a Horcrux, isn't it?"

"Aye. I think so. At least it _feels_ like a Horcrux..."

Regulus agreed, his hand still frozen in mid-air above the ring, "I guess you're right. But shouldn't we take it, then, in order to destroy it?"

"No- I mean, yes, we should destroy it. But since we don't have the appropriate tool to destroy it here and now, we'd better leave it where it is. After all, it cannot run away. And I'd prefer to not be burdened with its weight- ask Frodo."

He decided to not ask Frodo for he didn't even know who the hell he was, but he was certain that she was once again referring to someone of the Muggle culture he didn't know anyway. And yet, she was right with one thing, and that was that he didn't want to burden himself with the weight of a Horcrux, either. It was an experience he simply didn't want to repeat- he'd done it before and the memory still gave him the creeps- and he understood perfectly well why she didn't want to go through that hell again, once more.

Nevertheless, they'd come here with the intention to find and destroy another one of Voldemort's Horcruxes, therefore they shouldn't leave this place without doing anything. But what could they do? He repeated that question aloud, still staring at the ring. Actually, it was kind of an ugly thing, a chunk of gold crafted rather clumsily, showing the rudimentary skills of the person who created it. On the other hand, the black stone was carved with much more precision and in a decidedly more experienced way, showing a sign he identified as the Peverell's coat of arms. It didn't surprise him, though, for he knew that the Gaunts and the Peverells were related.

_Well, __**all**__ of the pure-blood families were related somehow..._

Nonetheless, they had to do something. They had to come up with a plan, at least, so their visit to Little Hangleton wouldn't be completely in vain.

"Let's agree that we both don't want to burden ourself with another Horcrux. That's perfectly okay with me- but how do we proceed from here? Any idea?"

Raven shook her head no before she replied, "I so wish Sev was here. He'd know what to do. Or, at least, he'd have the right tool- Merlin, I so want his silver dagger dipped in Basilisk venom! Alas, I can't even contact him. He's at Hogwarts, out of reach-"

"Hm, not quite," Regulus gave to consider. "Of course you cannot contact him while he is at Hogwarts, but you could try to meet him in Hogsmeade, while he is on surveillance duty out there, surrounded by hordes of hormone-driven teenagers. Just think about it, dear Raven... I'd say he couldn't be more pleased to meet you..."

_Thanks to my wonderful beta, hypnotic ink, and thanks to all my loyal readers and reviewers who haven't given up on this story. Your feedback is always very inspiring. I just wished I had more time to write._


	51. Primary

_a/n: enjoy ;)_

51- Primary

Worse than trying to teach a bunch of ignorant dunderheads the subtle art of potions were only his surveillance duties during the Hogsmeade weekends. True, these were dangerous times, Severus kept telling himself, the wizarding world was at war and he was just taking care of the safety of the next wizarding generation. Now, that would be a noble task. But in fact he was merely trying to protect the brats from harming themselves. What was so funny about hexing each other? Of course, he had hexed many fellow students, too, during his Hogwarts days, though mainly in self-defence and not for the fun of seeing someone with an elephant's trunk for a nose or green blotches on their faces.

Those idiots were wasting their potency! If only they were that inventive when it came to potions. But no, he wasn't protecting a generation of intelligence and intellect. He was shepherding a crowd of hormone-driven teenagers who made an attack at Hogsmeade appear like a pointless affair... unless someone appeared just to save him.

Since that was very unlikely to happen, Severus was strolling the darkest corners and most favourite places of Hogsmeade, his wand at the ready, to prevent stupid kids from eating each other up alive and getting pregnant in the course of events, while it almost filled him with pleasure, driving them apart and giving detentions. Mr Filch, Hogwarts Caretaker, would be very busy for the next day or two...

He had just finished his first round of checking the notorious troublemaker's most favourite places and was turning back to Hogsmeade High Street, when all of a sudden a witch approached him. She didn't look any special, but that came as no surprise to him, because beautiful witches wouldn't approach him anyway-

She smiled at him, and that was a surprise. Usually, no one smiled at him.

She wasn't a looker. Actually, she was rather unremarkable and unobtrusive with her mouse-coloured hair, her shape disguised by long grey robes. On the other hand, her face resembled that of Narcissa Malfoy a little, without ever reaching the same perfection.

But then she spoke, and her voice sent a shiver down his spine for it sounded so very familiar, so very like something he'd longed for all his life, without knowing what it was.

"Wow, Professor Snape, you look very- handsome would be the wrong word- um... _impressive_ in your billowing robes. Nevertheless, I like you better in skin-tight jeans and a Sex Pistols shirt."

He froze at the spot, staring at her, and all of a sudden he seemed to recognize her. It was as if the scales were falling from his eyes, allowing him to see her real self. But realizing who she really was filled him more with dread than with pleasure, although his heart seemed to leap with joy.

"For Merlin's sake!" Severus hissed as he grabbed her arm rather harshly to drag her back into one of the darker corners, which he'd cleared only minutes ago. "Raven! What the hell are you doing here? Didn't I tell you not to -."

He fell silent when she placed a finger on his lips, indicating him to shut up. And so he did. But his dark eyes told her he was not amused. Professor Snape in his billowing robes was a forbidding person, someone to be respected; someone you didn't toy with.

"Shhhhhh," she whispered, not much impressed. To her, he was just Sev. Nevertheless, she restrained the urge to trace his lips with her fingertips, restrained the desire to kiss him. "I wouldn't be here if it wasn't important."

"You better had!" Severus hissed, although all he wanted was to nail her to the nearest wall with his body and snog her senseless, allowing him all the pleasure he so fervently denied his charges. But he caught a grip on himself, forcing himself to stay wary. "Tell me about the Metal Guru."

"T. Rex. Not a magical artefact- honestly, Sev, don't you think you're acting a tad paranoid now? You didn't recognize me at first glance, and although I understand your attitude of showing vigilance, do you really think a person impersonating me would choose to look totally different than I, especially if said person is such a little grey mouse?"

"There's a certain logic to that," Severus admitted. Usually, he didn't display that much stupidity, but Raven's presence had momentarily deactivated his ability for logical thought. And his heart was beating much too fast. Not only out of worry. Of course, he was worried. These were dangerous times and anyone close to him was in potential hazard.

"Ha!" She triumphed, sounding so typically Raven that his concerns seemed to disappear into thin air, and he could see her a bit more clearly now.

"Your glamour is... um, quite well."

"Ta. I had lots of time to study, you know. Stealth and Concealment. It's part of Auror training."

"Did they accept you for this year's course?"

Raven shrugged. Actually, she hadn't even bothered to apply for it at all, knowing she would be rejected once again since Auror department was still in the hands of idiots who thought that every Slytherin was naturally a follower of the Dark Lord and his mad view of the world. So she said, evading his question, "Well, I thought about taking on studies for the Muggle version of the job."

Severus arched an inquiring brow at her. "You want to become a police officer?"

"Nope. But I want to learn more about forensic science."

"Ah, a little Miss Quincy?"

"Sort of." She didn't tell him that there was much more to forensic science than becoming a coroner, although she had recently managed to sneak in to the Faculty of Medicine in London, visiting a course in autopsy quite regularly- in fact, ever since her trip to Little Hangleton some weeks ago (it had inspired her to find out if there really was no scientific proof or organic evidence that someone died of the Killing Curse)- but she would have loved to tell him that she didn't faint when the professor opened the body with the usual Y incision or at the sound of the bone saw, like all those guys did in the opening scene of _Quincy M.E._

Raven didn't mention it, though. She didn't tell him, either, that she had even given herself a crash course in anatomy- it was definitely not her intention to get a doctor's degree in Muggle medicine, but she wanted to know all about the vital parts of the human body without having to learn all those Latin names for each and every bloody muscle. She merely wanted to understand how everything worked, the basic idea of life or what kept a person alive, just to know what could kill a person.

Mainly, it was the thought that no one had yet been able to detect a trace of the Killing Curse in a victim that was motivating her to visit these courses at the Faculty of Medicine. She had even created the unremarkable mouse glamour to not attract the attention of her fellow students, so they wouldn't start wondering why they only saw her once or twice a week...

Of course, she still had to learn a lot more about forensic science, but it was a good start. After all, at least she was _doing_ something now... and maybe one day she would be able to solve the mystery of Marc's death. To prove that he was indeed a victim of the Dark Arts was motivating her.

For all of his life, Marc wanted to be loved as a rock star and he'd given so much, so very fucking much to her. Now, it was payback time.

"Can we go somewhere else?" She asked then, recalling the reason for meeting Severus. Raven would have loved to simply follow her heart and hug him, holding him tight- he was so close and she'd missed him so very fucking much!- but there was no place for privacy on Hogsmeade High Street. Just like there was no time and place to dwell on memories of Marc. First things first.

In his mind's eye, Severus was scanning all the dark corners and favourite hiding-places of his students, searching for the perfect place, and he almost suggested the _Hog's Head_ tavern, a dingy pub where all the shady people met. But then he changed his mind.

"Meet me at the _Three Broomsticks_. In ten minutes. Do not dawdle. Take the staircase as if you have a room up there. And please keep up your glamour."

"I'm not stupid, Sev," she said but he had already turned around and she could only stare at his back, retreating in a swirl of billowing black robes.

Raven walked on in the opposite direction, passing Zonkos, Gladrags and Scrivenshaft's while pretending to be interested in the window displays. Then she crossed the road and continued her wizarding window shopping tour on the other side, slowly strolling towards the _Three Broomsticks._

When she finally opened the door to the tavern, she was immediately stunned by the familiarity of the scene. Nothing had changed. The _Three Broomsticks_ was still so very much the same- frequented by crowds of pubertal teenagers, and it even smelled like it had when she used to be part of the crowd.

Not dawdling, she made her way through the crowd and took the staircase to the upper floor, just like Severus had told her.

The very moment Raven reached the first landing, a door opened and strong fingers gripped her arm to pull her into a room.

-o-

Since Madam Rosmerta, the landlady of the Three Broomsticks was a good acquaintance of many of the Hogwarts teaching staff, especially of Headmaster Dumbledore, there was always a room waiting for them and their business on the first floor.

Severus knew that, so he used the knowledge and the opportunity for his meeting with Raven, Rosmerta wouldn't wonder- if she ever found out, that is, for she was much too busy serving butterbeer to the students downstairs. And if anyone found out, he could still tell Dumbledore that the person he'd met was a secret informer (which wasn't even a lie) and later tell Voldemort just the same. He was a spy and spies needed informants.

Nevertheless, he checked the room thoroughly while he was waiting for Raven, quickly putting up more wards. He needed to busy himself with useful things in order to not pay too much attention to his feelings, which were in a big turmoil ever since he'd met her on High Street.

_Why had she taken the risk of coming here? _He glanced at his watch. That moment he heard quiet footsteps walking up the staircase- had ten minutes passed already?

Severus decided to better be on the safe side and surprise whoever was approaching him. But the person was vigilant, too. He barely managed to pull her into the room when her ward was already pointed at his chest.

"Damn! Sev!" Raven hissed, lowering her wand as she recognized him.

"Good reaction," he admitted.

Rolling her eyes at his nonchalant tone, she quickly glanced around the room. It was furnished rather simply with just a table and a few chairs, but that didn't necessarily have to mean it was an almost empty room, and although she knew that Severus must have warded it to ensure their safety, she couldn't help but cast a few _Revelio_ charms only to find the place truly empty except for her and Sev.

He stared at her, still surprised about her... efficiency. She really must have used the past months of separation for reasonable studies, which made her appear even more attractive to him... especially now that she couldn't keep up her glamour anymore and was back to being the weird girl with messy red-berry-wine hair, dressed in Muggle post-punk style. The girl he had missed more than he was going to admit. Because they weren't here to restart or revive their strange romantic? sexual? whatever relationship. This was not a date.

A part of him (the one he had hidden in the deepest corner of his soul) regretted that, but he instantly muffled that voice before it could become too loud and too longing. Instead, he cast the _Muffliato Charm_ so that the ears of any possible eavesdropper would be filled with an unidentifiable buzzing sound, in order to allow Raven and him a conversation without being overheard.

Only then he turned to face her fully; before, he had merely dared to risk wary side-glances. Although his heart seemed to skip a beat or two at the sight of her, Severus managed to keep his composure as he quickly came to the point. Ignoring his heart (it was just a muscle anyway, one that pumps blood throughout the blood vessels by repeated, rhythmic contradictions)

"So," he said with censoriously arched brows to hide his true emotions, "I do hope you have a very good reason for being here, even though I told you not to contact me."

On the other hand, he knew she wouldn't risk to blow up his cover only because she wanted to see him for whatever reason. No, she had said it was important, and he believed her.

"Yep," she replied and then she came straight to the point, "we- meaning Reg and I- sort of stumbled across one of Lord V's Horcruxes, and now we need your fancy silver dagger dipped in Basilisk venom to destroy it."

She clearly wasn't beating around the bush! Severus gaped at her, and to say he was astounded was probably the understatement of the year. He had expected her to merely inform him of something some Death Eater had mentioned in the _Red Lantern_- but that was definitely a big hit.

If only it wouldn't bug him so that she was apparently spending too much time with the whelp. A surge of jealousy seemed to poison his mind, all of a sudden, and he didn't know where that came from. They were friends. There was no reason to be jealous because he was not in love with Raven Lestrange. He'd only missed her friendship, her almost unwavering optimism during those past, tedious months at Hogwarts. And the heart was just a bloody muscle, not relevant for feelings.

"Interesting," he finally managed to say in a rather cool voice. "May I learn some more about the circumstances?"

With a wry smile, just enough to make his heart (the muscle) ache, she filled him in and told him all about Regulus' and her little Sunday trip to Little Hangleton.

-o-

Coming from his lips, 'well done' was a rare praise and Raven appreciated it as such while a big, fat smile was curling the corners of her lips until she was positively beaming at him.

Nevertheless, she tried to stay cool and restrained- just like Sev- acting professionally since he had not given her a reason to behave otherwise. He didn't want her to be here, at Hogsmeade, and she understood his reason why. It made sense.

But sense didn't matter when her heart was involved. It was so good just to see him for she'd missed him so very fucking much! And she so wished for the courage to hug him, or kiss him, or do whatever was needed to fill the void within her, to still the longing...

Well, first things first, she kept telling herself. After all, she wasn't here for romantic reasons. There was no time for romance now. She needed Severus' dagger dipped in Basilisk venom to destroy the Horcrux in the old, derelict shack of the Gaunts. Only when that was done she could perhaps focus on her heart's desire again. But only then. She was not inclined to waste her time in wearing herself out emotionally, even though that was easier said than done.

Severus reached into the pockets of his robes and- almost solemnly- proceeded his dagger. With the very same solemn expression, he handed it over to Raven.

Their hands touched. It sent a pleasant shiver down Raven's spine and even Severus didn't seem to be totally unfazed- she could tell by the way his deep dark eyes brightened up to allow a moment of...what? Pleasure? Lust? Bliss?

Raven didn't know. Had he been anyone else, she would have tried Legilimency to figure it out- but one couldn't outwit someone as skilled in Occlumency as he was- he'd merely laugh at her attempt. So she just took the dagger from his hands and stored it away safely.

"Thanks."

"I wouldn't give it to anyone else," he whispered.

"I know. That's why I came."

It was time to say goodbye. She would have loved to stay and talk some more, to hear how he was faring. But she seemed to know already. Of course, he wasn't happy at Hogwarts. He disliked teaching and he disliked most of the students even more. And he was lonely. The other professors tolerated him but they made no attempts to befriend him- partly, because he wasn't much older than his students and partly, because they didn't trust him completely. Some of them might even think Dumbledore made a big mistake by hiring him. To top it all, he hadn't achieved anything in his role as a double spy yet. Except for the fact that he was still alive, but he didn't saw that as a great achievement.

All of that she could easily read in him. It was in the way he arched his brows or twitched his mouth, in those tiny expressions and in his whole composure. These things were easy to tell for someone who knew him as well as she did. But she could never figure out his feelings for her.

There were moments she thought he was glad to see her while at others she merely seemed to be a nuisance. She wasn't even sure what it was now. Was he happy to be rid of her in a minute or would he prefer to snog her senseless?

She had to stop wondering about such things, Raven thought as she was about to turn to leave but hesitated and whirled back on her heels, remembering that there was something else they had to talk about, something more important than her feelings.

"Um, what do you know about Ravenclaws, Sev?"

-o-

That question came rather unexpected, and it made him frown at her. He had never busied himself with Ravenclaws much although their house was one of the less obnoxious at Hogwarts. They weren't as reckless as Gryffindors and not as stupidly devoted to loyalty as Hufflepuffs. Instead, they were usually characterized by their wit and intellect, and they were known to busy themselves with serious studies rather than being troublemakers. He would have preferred if all of his students were like them.

But his frustration with uninterested students could hardly be the reason for Raven's question, so he asked her to elaborate on that.

She ran her fingers through her hair, tousling it even more before she replied. "It's just... well, Lord V had both Slytherin's locket and Helga Hufflepuff's cup turned into a Horcrux, so Reg and I came up with the idea he might have sort of an... _obsession_ with the founders of Hogwarts, and therefore it is likely he also abused a memorabilia of Rowena Ravenclaw for his sick plans..."

Severus had to admit that her approach was an interesting one and definitely worth considering. "I reckon you already know what sort of _memorabilia_ he might have used, given that you're the one who knows _Hogwarts: A History _by heart."

"Aye, I happen to have an idea," Raven admitted, "on most of the pictures of Rowena, she was wearing a diadem."

"I can't remember having ever seen a diadem at Hogwarts."

"You never looked for one before. Besides, Professor Snape can go to places that were off-limits for little Sev."

"True. Nevertheless, I doubt visiting Flitwick and searching his room is an option."

Professor Filius Flitwick was Head of Ravenclaw house, a really tiny wizard that Raven couldn't imagine wearing a diadem, although the very idea made her chuckle.

"No, but perhaps you should try Dumbledore's office. I remember he had loads of funny stuff up there and he's the sort of person who'd wear a diadem with his pink socks and fancy nightshirt-"

"Raven! I will most decidedly not search the Headmaster's office! And even if I happen to see anything resembling a diadem there during my weekly reports, I certainly won't be able to steal anything from his room."

"You don't have to steal it, borrowing will do. But right, it was a stupid idea." And yet she liked it, although she could also see the flaw in her train of thoughts. If Lord V had actually turned Rowena Ravenclaw's diadem in a Horcrux, he would have hidden it anywhere in the castle but definitely not in the Headmaster's office. Besides, she couldn't even be certain that the diadem was still at Hogwarts nor that it was truly a Horcrux.

"I will keep my eyes open." Severus promised because that was his job anyway. It almost didn't matter that he was now spying for one more person- at least that person cared for him and didn't just see him as a useful tool. It was encouraging. "Meanwhile," he continued in a strict tone, "you will try to stay out of trouble."

"Sure."

He rolled his eyes at her nonchalant tone, knowing that her reassurance meant little to someone who was trouble personified. She wouldn't stop jeopardizing herself because she didn't seem to see the danger- on the other hand, she was a skilled and competent witch... and in too deep already to stay out of it. Severus heaved a sigh. "Take care, Raven."

Then he turned to leave. There was no use to linger any longer since staying would only increase that strange fuzzy and dizzying feeling in his stomach. And he couldn't use that at the moment. In two months time, term would be over and he was back in London; and only then he was willing to deal with their relationship. But for now he had to stifle the longing.

"Wait."

Her voice stopped him and immediately he stood rooted to the spot. It would be so easy to turn around and take her in his arms, clutching onto her like a drowning man, desperate for a kiss. But he hesitated for too long and then the moment was gone.

"Let me go first. When I came here, I noticed there's a backdoor leading through the kitchen, and I thought it might be a good way to leave without attracting attention."

Not attracting attention was just what he wanted, so Severus agreed silently before he said, "Alright, but don't forget to put on your glamour before you leave. Otherwise, you will only startle the kitchen helps with your weird- um... _unique._.. hairstyle."

Chuckling, she opened the door. Her hair changed from pinkish-red to mousy brown as she left the room and her long grey robes seemed to mock him the way they billowed behind her when she slowly walked down the staircase, disappearing from his view. Then she was gone.

Severus withstood the urge to rush to the window and see whether she left the building safe. He realized that she didn't need his protection, at least not now, not here. Instead, he turned his glance to the table. If his ears hadn't fooled him, she had put something on it before her glamour had tricked his eyes- and he was right. Lying atop the table were two rectangular items he soon identified as Muggle music tapes, both of them labelled in her handwriting. One was a sample of new bands she liked and the other the latest release of a band he favoured for their dark, melancholic tunes that seemed to be a mirroring his own emotions quite well.

_'Faith',_ it was called, and probably faith was what they needed.

-o-

Meanwhile, far away in London, Regulus Black left the _Leaky Cauldron_ feeling slightly upset with his friends- or what used to be his friends at Hogwarts. Now, he thought them obnoxious. Their political ideas disgusted him just as must as their social ones for they only seemed to rehash the same sort of nonsense his mother loved to molest him with: _Find yourself a girl (a pure-blood witch, of course), and father some fine pure-blood children to carry the most noble and ancient house of Black into the next generation. Don't worry about work. You're rich, you don't have to work. Your job at the Ministry is just temporarily, until the Dark Lord has won this war, so don't complain about it. See it as a contribution to His soon victory... _blah blah blah...

Merlin, he wasn't a bloody stallion! Of course, he didn't mind having kids with the right woman one day, but there was no need to rush things. He was still young. Raven and Severus were calling him whelp for a reason- and he wanted to live and experience life; and mostly, he wanted to learn more exciting things about this other world, the Muggle world he was so fascinated with.

As lost in thoughts as he was, he bumped straight into a Muggle the moment he left the _Leaky Cauldron_ through its Charing Cross Road exit.

"Sorry, " he mumbled almost automatically.

"Idiot! Are you blind?" A familiar voice cursed, but then her angry tone turned into a surprised one. "Bugger! The posh boy! What hell spit you out to ruin my day?"

Edie shot him a curious glance, taking in his appearance. Regulus realized that he was still wearing his robes and that passers-by were giving him odd looks, too. On the other hand, this was London and people were used to strange looking people. He could have been part of that new Goth scene that was slowly spreading in the clubs

"Were you visiting a fancy party weird or have you done a time warp?"

_Alright, apparently I can not pass as a Goth._ _It seems to be more like Sev's thing anyway. _Regulus took off his black robes; underneath he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. He decided to not ask Edie what a time warp was.

"You were really looking as if you're from the 17th century or so. What are you doing here anyway?" She glanced in the direction where he'd come from and pointed to an old record store next to a bookshop. "I hope you weren't trying to buy any records from them- as far as I know they stopped selling new released some thirty years ago."

"No, no," he replied. So that old record store was out of fashion and therefore uncool; he couldn't possible say he came from there, even though it was the right direction. And so he decided to not lie to Edie because he was actually happy to see her. Yes, Raven was right: he did have a crush on Edie. His _friends_ would be scandalized, knowing he fancied a blue-haired Muggle girl."I was at the _Leaky Cauldron_."

"Ah..." Edie stared at the two old houses in front of her, one a bookshop and the other a record store, and wondered which of them had a leaking cauldron. Then she shrugged and turned to leave.

-o-

"You cannot see it, can you?" Regulus' voice made her stop. _Damn him_, she cursed him silently, telling herself he wasn't interested in posh boys. But he was such a sexy posh boy...

"See what?" Edie snapped impatiently.

"My world."

_Oh no, this wasn't good._ Of course, she was interested. Not in him but in his world, the magical wizarding world with all its fantastic, bizarre creatures. And so she lingered, waiting for him to continue.

He stepped closer to her- she didn't want him to be that close, because usually, that only led to her losing control... it had happened often enough. Although she couldn't stand him.

"Look," he whispered into her ear, and then she could suddenly see it- the blurred vision of a tiny, grubby-looking pub that seemed to have materialized in front of her eyes. She could even see the door plate; it read '_Leaky Cauldron_'.

"Wow," she gasped. "That's pretty cool!"

Regulus seemed to be quite flattered by her appraisal and was smiling at her. Edie didn't like that either because he had a dangerous smile, one that could turn her knees to jelly- although she really, really wasn't interested in posh boys. There were worlds between them! And she didn't even mean the one she'd just discovered, the one that was apparently coexisting next to her own.

On the other hand, she could use a little distraction. Her life was a mess, as usual. Spike still refused to pay her properly for all the work she was doing in his tattoo studio; he said she was still in training but hell! she was almost as good as he was. And since he wasn't paying her well, she had fallen behind with the rent. Now her flatmates (two silly cows) wanted her to move out- well, she certainly wouldn't miss them, but she needed a place to stay and couldn't afford one on her own.

So, yes, distraction would be welcome. Perhaps they were serving some funny potions at the _Leaky Cauldron_, the kind of stuff that made people happy.

"Let's go there and have a magical drink or so."

-o-

"No way!" Regulus replied immediately and he grabbed her arm to stop her from moving any closer, realizing that he'd made a big mistake by showing her a glimpse of his world. He had wanted to impress her, and he had succeeded in that- but he had also broken the Statute of Secrecy. Besides, his dear _friends_ were probably still there...

"Why not?"

He heaved a sigh. "I'm sorry, Edie. My fault. I was being careless- I shouldn't have let you see it in the first place."

"Because I'm a Muggle, right? And Muggles aren't allowed in your posh, elitist world?"

"No, it's not that easy. Under certain circumstances, Muggles are allowed to visit Diagon Alley-"

"Diagonally what?"

"Diagon. Alley." He corrected her. "The biggest shopping district of wizarding Britain. You can reach it through the _Leaky Cauldron_, but you do need a wand to enter. And, for example, the parents of Muggleborns are allowed to visit. They can go to Gringotts- that's our bank- to change pound sterling to galleons in order to buy all the things their kids need for attending Hogwarts.

"But, as you might know, there are people in my world who don't like Muggles or Muggleborns, and these people are dangerous. They wouldn't hesitate to kill you." Regulus didn't want to be a spoilsport; he merely wanted to protect her. If things were different, he would have loved to show her all the wonders of Diagon Alley, and he knew she would have liked it. But alas, things were as they were.

"Is it about that Dark Lord V Raven mentioned?" Edie asked, sounding reasonable as they walked on, away from Diagon Alley.

"Yes. He's mad and he's dangerous. And he's not alone with his radical point of view. Many pure-bloods are following him, and I just met some of them at the _Leaky Cauldron_. People from school."

"Hm... Raven told me a bit about it, about this war in your world. But she sounded optimistic that Lord V could be stopped-"

"Typically Raven! She's the ever-so-fucking-optimist."

"You don't share her optimism?"

Regulus didn't know how to answer that as they walked on and turned right into Lisle Street. He truly wanted to believe in Raven's optimistic approach of things, and most of the time it worked, but then he had to meet the Dark Lord again and started to waver. However, his pessimism wasn't something he wanted to burden Edie with, now that they were finally having a real conversation. One that was neither influenced by booze nor polluted by her sharp tongue and mockery tone. For the first time, she seemed to be really interested in his words.

And so he explained her a little more about the conflict that had gotten his world at the edge of a civil war. .

-o-

Edie listened with fascination, amazed about how similar both of their worlds were, while at the same time feeling sad at heart that a society of wizards and witches, who could possibly do the most wonderful things with their wands, didn't use their skills to turn the world into a better place, but were just as depraved, corrupt and power hungry as their Muggle counterparts. Apparently it was a typical human thing, no matter if one person could do magic or not. The depravity was too deeply rooted in people. It crystallized itself in the British class system and then solidified in the very special trait of politicians.

It was all the same. There wasn't anything new about it, except for the fact that she was having a good conversation with Regulus; it was their first one, actually. Usually, they bitched at each other (well, mostly she did) whenever they met, only to end up in bed together.

She had always believed him to be the posh boy with a slightly revolutionary strait, the one stemming from a noble family but thinking it cool to rebel against the ways of his parents. And when things got complicated, he'd tuck in a tail and run straight back into the arms of conformity.

Regulus, however, was not like that, Edie realized. He had long missed the chance to turn tail and run, he was already in too deep for that. And although he was not an optimist when it came to that Lord V, he wasn't a turncoat either; he could have taken the easiest way but apparently he believed he was doing the right thing, no matter the dangers. His political ideals seemed to be profound

What Edie realized also that she enjoyed spending time with him. Well, she didn't have anything else to do anyway. Of course, she should try to find a new place to stay, or earn some money to pay the rent- but those were fruitless efforts. No one would let her a flat to the same price as the one she shared with those silly girls, and even if she had money she would rather spend it on a good lunch for she hadn't eaten properly for quite a while.

Nevertheless, her pride almost forbade her to accept his invitation for lunch, but her stomach chose to differ. They had just turned into Wardour Street, so she allowed him to pay for her at a cheap Chinese takeaway.

-o-

Edie was laughing so hard at his first, clumsy attempts of eating with chopsticks that Regulus decided to keep her amused for a little longer and to not make things easier by using a little magic. In this way, the act of food intake took longer than usual, but he wasn't that hungry anyway. Much more satisfying was simply being with Edie.

She was the most fascinating girl he'd ever met. Especially today, when she wasn't bitching at him. Today, she was being different and he liked her being different very much. It seemed to be the perfect ending of a morning that had started horrible but had improved ever since he'd left the _Leaky Cauldron_. Edie didn't seem to find him that insufferable anymore- just like Raven had foreseen.

But no matter what his feelings for Edie were, he couldn't close his eyes to the fact that starting a serious relationship with her was nigh impossible at the moment. It was too dangerous. These were no times to have a relationship with a Muggle- and besides, _not insufferable_ didn't necessarily mean she was smitten. That was a conclusion only his dear brother would come up with.

Later, he couldn't quite recall how it had happened that they had fallen back into their usual routine. They had left the Chinese restaurant- and only a moment later they were snogging in a dark corner nearby, without him offering much resistance. So much about him trying to be sensible...

He simply couldn't stop it. It felt much too good. And her lips tasted so different today, so much sweeter, so not like their usual angry sex... this time, she was kissing him for real.

"Your place or mine?" Edie breathed into his ear, interrupting his train of thoughts.

"Yours," Regulus replied immediately since he could hardly take her to Grimmauld Place and introduce her to his mother- although it would have been fun to see her shocked face. But he was not in the mood to be blasted off the family tree today. Besides, it wasn't only his dear mother he had to worry about. She would spread the scandalous news at her charity events, and sooner or later the Dark Lord would hear of his unseemly affair with a Muggle, and that would be the certain end of him... a rather unpleasant and painful end, to be sure. Naturally, he wanted to avoid that.

"I don't have one anymore." Edie said dryly.

"Oh!" The sexual infested mood was gone, and he asked with concern, "What happened?"

"Couldn't pay the rent anymore so those silly cows asked me to leave."

"I thought you're working at Spike's."

She merely snorted at that.

"Does he still refuse to pay you decently? Perhaps I should have a word with him and threaten to shrivel his bollocks."

"You don't have to do that. I'm not a damsel in distress so I don't need a bloody hero."

"Believe me, _Milady,"_ he grinned slyly, "I'd love to do that and it wouldn't be a heroic deed but rather showing the malicious trait of the Blacks. You know, my family has a liking for the Dark Arts and I'm not totally immune to them, either."

"Wicked!"

"Yeah, some would even call it evil. Unfortunately, there are laws that forbid me to curse Muggles just for the fun of it, and I will stick to them. In that point, I'm so not like my family or other pure-bloods."

"Too bad! Spike could use someone teaching him a lesson."

"I'll find a way. Meanwhile, I know a place where you can stay."

Edie followed him reluctantly. She didn't want him to do anything for her, but she was too curious to not accompany him. She could still refuse whatever dubious offer he came up with.

Months ago, when Regulus had started to take a liking in the Muggle world, in its fashion and music, he had soon come to realize that he couldn't store all of his new possessions in his room at Grimmauld Place- no restriction charm would keep them safe from snooping house-elves, and he really didn't want to explain his dear mother why he had a Muggle-style t-shirt with '_the Ramones_' printed on it. Not to mention his growing record collection. Of course, he trusted Kreacher, but the other elves were obediently devoted to mother.

Therefore, after discussing things with Severus and Raven, he had rented a small flat in Soho, just around the corner of where they lived, and they were the only ones who knew about it; it was his secret hiding place in the Muggle world. Now he wanted to share it with Edie. He trusted her, and she needed a place to stay.

"You can stay here as long as you want," he said when he opened the door.

"I'm not a charity case, Black."

"Oh please, stop being difficult. After all, I'm not presenting you with a mansion, princess. Why can't you simply accept a friendly offer?"

"Friendly, eh?" Edie glanced around the Spartan furnished room. He was right, this was definitely not a mansion. It was a small but clean flat with a kitchenette that looked unused, and apart from that there was only a stereo system next to a pile of records and a cardboard box with clothes. Then her eyes fell on the big mattress lying on the floor, in the middle of the room. "And you expect me to pay with what? Sex?"

"What part of friendly you didn't understand? You know how things are in my world. I needed a place where I can keep my things without mother finding out about me being just another disgrace to the most Nobel and Ancient House of Black." Regulus snorted disdainfully. "Her whining about my ungratefulness could trigger rumours that sooner or later will reach the ears of the Dark Lord, and that would not only endanger my life but also Raven's and Severus'.

"Besides, I needed a Muggle address so I could open a Muggle bank account. Depending on how things will develop in my world, it's benefiting to know I can hide in yours for a while." For that case, he had already transferred a good amount of his inheritance heritage to the Muggle world. Being a Slytherin meant being prepared and not leaving things to chance; it's what distinguished him from reckless Gryffindors like his brother. "But don't worry, I won't bother you much. Most of the time I will be staying in the family vault or running stupid errands for his majesty."

Regulus went over to the kitchenette and opened the fridge, it was filled with bottles of Muggle beer. Picking two, he handed one to Edie in a slightly mocking toast. _Cheers to misery_, he thought, but after downing the beer his expression changed from serious to flirtatious and he offered her a mischievous smile. "Of course, darling, sex is optional. I'm sick and tired of mandatory fun."

"Wanker!" Edie groaned inwardly; she so hated his guts but she wasn't immune to his dubious charm. On the other hand, handsome rich boys weren't worth the trouble- and Regulus Black was definitely trouble to the power of ten. Especially since she'd seen sides of him today she really liked. "I'm not your darling."

"Alright, honey."

"I'm not your honey, either!" She really, really should decline his offer. If only... well, accepting it would save her a lot of trouble because then she wouldn't be a homeless punk come tomorrow evening, and not having to worry about where to stay could help her to focus on her arts instead. "You're a pest, you know?"

Regulus grinned at her. "Come on, love, stop hiding the fact that you find me nigh irresistible."

"Dream on. You said no sex-"

"I suggested it's optional. You may notice the tiny difference?"

"Fuck yourself. Lemme get it right: I can stay here for a week or two, until I find something on my own. And no obligations? I don't have to play happy house-wife and cook your dinner or give you a blow job every night?"

"Only if you feel like."

"Yeah, when hell freezes over."

"I remember it freezing over on quite a few occasions," Regulus teased her, happy that she had decided to stay for it was good to know her at a safe place, protected by his wards... well, to be honest, Sev had helped him with wards... "Anyway, you're welcome, sweetheart."

"Oh, would you please stop calling me silly names? I'm neither your darling, your honey nor your sweetheart."

"How about _blueberry tart _then? I mean, without intending to call you a tart," he quipped as he turned on the stereo, something he should have done as soon as they'd arrived here. Not because of their heated argument in a house with paper thin walls (the wards were sufficient enough to handle that) but simply because he never had enough time to listen to all of his records.

"You really are a pest, Black." Edie was almost laughing. It was exactly that attitude of his that made her get weak in the end... as much as it annoyed her.

"People keep telling me that all the time. Anyway, my sweetest blueberry, there is one thing I would like to ask of you-"

"Ha! I knew there's a catch in it!" She cried out, and it sounded almost triumphal. Posh boys never played fair. "So much about no obligations, eh? "

"It's about safety, girl. If you choose to call safety measures _obligations_, so be it. Nevertheless I have to insist on it."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh. This is a safe house, protected by strong wards. You cannot tell anyone where you're living now. You cannot give anyone your address. You cannot invite anyone to this place- I want to spare you the awkwardness of a situation where you can enter but whoever else not. Remember, I'm a wizard and shouldn't have told you about my world in the first place."

"Ah, that Statute of Secrecy?"

"Correct. Also, it's not really safe for me to... _mingle_ with Muggles. No offence intended."

"No offence taken." Actually, she was even feeling a tad flattered by the fact that he seemed to trust her... but perhaps that was only because he could hex her if she deceived him.

"Well then, now that you know all that, do you still want to stay?"

-o-

_Too close._ When in the course of their conversation had she moved that close to him? Probably she had merely wanted to take a look at his record collection, but now she could almost feel his presence... and that wasn't just a magical trick. _He_ had not initiated it. _She_ had inched closer and closer to him.

It wasn't too late yet. She could still turn tail and run, leaving that madness behind. But if she did so, she would never find out if there was perhaps an exception to the rule when it came to posh boys, and perhaps Regulus Black was worth taking the risk.

Edie was well aware of it. He had told her all about the dangers of being close to him; Raven and Severus had told her, too. They had talked about the Dark Lord, about the conflict in the wizarding world- damned, she could live with that. But no one of them was aware of or had ever mentioned the peril of her actually falling for a posh boy, and she silently cursed _him_ for messing up her life, her ideals and moral convictions.

Nevertheless, she accepted his offer. She would take the risk and stay, and she even accepted her own lame excuse that it was just because of a fridge filled with beer and a decent record collecting. It had nothing to do with Mr Black himself. Nothing at all.

Only a moment later, they were kissing again.


	52. Play for Today

_Sorry for the long time it took to post another chapter, and I'm still not happy with this one, but my dear lovely beta, the wonderful hypnotic ink, likes it, so you have to bear with it._

_Enjoy and don't forget to review. Every feedback is encouraging. ;)_

52- Play for Today

"So you're living with Edie now," Raven concluded when Regulus told her about yesterday's events.

"I'm not living with her. I merely offered her a place to stay."

"You're so noble, Blackie. Of course, you had no ulterior motive at all for letting her stay in your flat."

"She's just a friend in need."

"She's the girl you're in love with and now you're living together." Raven smirked.

"I am **not** living with her," Regulus repeated, rolling his eyes. It was absurd to have such a conversation here of all places. "In case you haven't noticed, living with someone does imply that two people are living at the same place, which is not the case since I'm still trapped in the Blacks' family vault at Grimmauld Place, and the only way to change this misery is to rid the world off Lord V. So if you could please take the first step and finally stab that bloody thing?"

They were back in the Gaunt Shack, after Raven had contacted him this morning to inform him that she was now in the possession of Severus' dagger dipped in Basilisk venom. Initially, they had both been very confident and eager to destroy Lord Voldemort's Horcrux- at least when they had Apparated here- but now Raven seemed to waver, playing for time while pestering him with questions about his sexual life...

..._It was... satisfying, thank you very much. Of course, Edie's kiss had lead to more. As usual. And yet, it had been different. Less wild and angry but more... emotional. He'd even say they'd made love..._

However, that wasn't important now. They were here to destroy a Horcrux, and this time it was Raven's turn.

Oh, he knew why she was hesitating, trying to detract from the deed she would have to perform. Regulus knew of the _calling,_ of the sweet whispering voice that lured you with promises only to dump you in self-doubts and misery only a moment later.

"Don't listen to him, Raven. Don't let him fool you- just do it! Think of that Frodo guy and destroy the ring."

She lowered her hand with the dagger and glanced at him. "Did you finally read 'The Lord of the Rings'?"

"Edie gave me a short summary," Regulus admitted, "just enough for me to understand the context. The Ring was a burden for Frodo, just like the Horcruxes are burdening us, and both artefacts are filled with an evil spirit that is trying to discourage us for they don't _want_ to be destroyed."

"True." She managed a wry smile; her hand was shaking and for a moment she appeared more vulnerable and insecure than Regulus had ever seen her. "Both Dark Lords are really powerful- really mighty, sinister wizards. Do you really think we can stand a chance against _HIM_?"

"Hey, we're no Hobbits, right? We didn't have to travel many months to a Mount Doom in the Land or Mordor. We Apparated here on a sunny Sunday afternoon and it will still be a sunny Sunday afternoon when we get back home to London. You just have to stab the bloody thing."

Raven knew he was right, and yet she couldn't do it. All of a sudden, she was totally disillusioned, feeling like they were tilting at windmills; a fight, they couldn't possibly win.

"I don't want to save the world," she said pessimistically; there wasn't anything worth saving anyway.

Regulus realized he had to outwit her- or, to be more precise, the Dark Lord. He could comprehend her pessimism since he was a pessimist himself when it came to Lord Voldemort, but they _had_ already destroyed two of his Horcruxes and _HE _hadn't even noticed, so they could as well destroy a third and still get away with it. _All good things come in threes..._

He knew he could neither encourage nor persuade her with words that usually worked for heroes... those self-righteous wanna-be heroes. In short, Gryffindors. Of course it wasn't Raven's intention to save the world, or change it; she wasn't aiming for the Greater Good, either. All she ever wanted was a life less full of risks for Severus and herself... well, and probably for her friends, too.

That was exactly what Regulus had to remind her of. And so he gently tried to push her in the right direction.

"You know, the Dark Lord is going to punish Severus for your failure. He will torture him to death or worse if you don't act-"

WHAM! Resolutely, Raven's arm shot forward. Without further hesitation and in a smooth movement she almost seemed to smash the ring with her dagger.

Her immediate reaction came as quite a surprise to Regulus, although he had half expected it. Nevertheless, it was impressive.

Then he heard a long, ear-piercing scream- but it was only in his head and not for real. Soon, it faded into an inaudible, deafening silence that made him close his eyes.

When he opened them again, only an instant later, the ring was strangely still intact, still recognizable as a golden ring with the coat of the Peverells, and Raven was standing there, holding the dagger in her hand, shaking like a leaf.

"You alright?"

"No. I mean, yes." She inhaled audibly, then heaved a sigh that sounded as if a great burden had been taken off her shoulders, and then she laughed. It wasn't a happy laugh, though. "Bloody hell! That motherfucking bastard! He almost managed to convince me that _I_ was wrong- can you believe it?"

"I know. I guess we all experienced the same."

"No. You did a great job, you and Sev, when you destroyed the first two. You acted sophisticatedly in every way, whereas I- well, I behaved like a total sissy."

"Come on, Raven, that's not true and you know it. Without you, we wouldn't be here at all, and Sev and I would be marked with Lord V's ghastly tattoo-"

"Instead, you have a true-to-life portrait of Kreacher tattooed on your arse," Raven snorted darkly.

"At least it was done by a true artist and came with no obligations." Gently, Regulus took her arm and lead her out of the Gaunt Shack, into the summer sunshine. Almost at once, she seemed to relax. "Anyway, don't worry about having hesitated because that happened to all of us. You're definitely not a sissy. It's just the evil spirit of Lord V messing with our determination, trying to question our motive, our belief... the faith we have in friendship- or love. In the end, he failed."

The warmth of the sun on her skin dispelled the chill in her bones. "Thanks, Reg. Thanks for putting me straight again. I guess I owe you-"

"Hey, that's what friends are for. Glad I could be of avail for once. Usually it's you, willing us on with your optimism."

"Hm, but I wasn't very optimistic today, eh?"

"For a moment, you weren't indeed. Fortunately, I knew how to... _encourage_ you."

"Yeah, you did well." Now, she offered him an honest smile, one that reached her eyes. Then she walked a few steps away from him, from the darkness of the shack, enjoying the warm sunshine. After a moment she turned around again and shot him an inquisitive glance. "So what about you and Edie? Didn't you say you wanted to keep your place a secret?"

He chose to not reply to that. _Wasn't it just a rhetoric question anyway?_

Only an instant later, she was back by his side, placing a hand on his arm."But you are aware of the dangers of letting Edie into your life, aren't you?"

"I'm not a fool Raven. I'm pretty much aware of not having chosen the most suitable love interest, but does one really have a choice when it comes to love?"

"No," she replied quietly, thinking of Severus. "And it was not my intention to blame you, anyway. I know how you feel about her and I'm actually glad that things are finally beginning to develop agreeably between the two of you. Just try to be careful, alright?"

"Believe me, I know what's at risk."

"I bet you do! You're a helpless romantic, Blackie."

"Ha! Says the right person when if comes to being helplessly involved in a whatever or not romantic relationship with our dear Severus."

Raven sighed. She really didn't want to talk about Sev now, it was too frustrating. She still missed him so and that short meeting yesterday had simply not been enough to still the longing; it had merely rekindled it. And it bugged her tremendously that she couldn't even tell him about today's success- although she wasn't really happy with herself, cursing her hesitation and Lord V's evil spirit for causing it, she had nevertheless managed to destroy the bloody Horcrux.

"Merlin, I could really use a drink now. Can we please go and have a drink, somewhere?"

-o-

They decided to not visit the _Hanged Man_ again, although it was the nearest place to get a drink. Distance, however, didn't really matter to wizards. They knew other means of transport than Muggles and so Regulus and Raven were back in her flat in London only an instant later. And since Raven still seemed to be a tad exhausted from fighting her own demons, personified by the Dark Lord's Horcrux, Regulus had taken her there by Side-Along Apparation to minimize the risk of her Splinching herself. To his surprise, she hadn't offered much protest.

One glass of cheap red wine later, she was mulling over their situation, still regretting the fact that she couldn't contact Severus or communicate with him.

_What was all the trouble worth for if she couldn't tell him?_

"What's bothering you?" Regulus asked.

"The fact that it would be supportive to Severus, especially in his recent position at Hogwarts, to find out we succeeded in destroying another Horcrux today. Alas, there's no bloody phone box there, and all our oh-so-sophisticated ways of wizarding communication are being monitored. Hell, I can't even sent him a bloody owl, since they are being intercepted. Total control for a little illusion of safety that doesn't exist in our world anyway."

"Well, there are other ways of communication than owls."

"Like what? Like the fantastic Flee Network? Forget it! It's not safe either."

"I know. I was thinking of something else..." Regulus fell silent, recalling holidays at Grimmauld Place, some years ago when he still had a brother. It was the year before Sirius had run off to stay with the Potters, before he'd been blasted off the family tree. That year, Sirius had preferred to stay on his own, in his Gryffindor decorated room, sulking that he wasn't allowed to meet with his Gryffindor friends. Father had thought that would cure him of his renegade behaviour, but father's educational method had failed. Somehow, Sirius had still managed to stay in touch with that annoying Potter boy, although not a single owl had arrived for him.

Of course, their parents hadn't noticed. They hardly ever noticed those little details. The boys were expected to behave decently and as long as the house-elves could fix the problem, and the family's reputation wasn't bruised, they chose not to bother.

But Regulus had started to wonder and so he'd taken up spying on his brother. It happened more out of curiosity since it was clearly not his intention to tattle on Sirius to his parents; he could still recall the times when they were thick as thieves... before the wheels of expectation had driven them apart...

"Sirius used a Two-way-mirror to communicate with bloody James Potter when they couldn't meet during the holidays."

"Of course!" Raven exclaimed. "I heard they used them when they were in different detentions." And now she even remembered Sirius at Hogwarts with a mirror in his hand, talking to it. Probably telling himself how very good-looking he was, she had thought then, and she had winced at his enormous vanity, clearly overestimating his appearance. Now, however, she was beginning to see things in a different light. "Two-way mirrors, eh? Yeah, that makes sense, I guess. They can't be monitored, can they? Where can we get some?"

Regulus shrugged. "I have no idea. As far as I know, you can't buy them- at least they're not at sale at Borgin and Burkes, and that's the most significant place if you want to buy... um, _unusual_ magical artefacts."

"Borgin and Burkes sells Dark Arts stuff, and Two-way-mirrors aren't dark stuff," Raven gave to consider.

"True, but they're not really Ministry-approved either," Regulus reminded her.

She heaved a sigh. "On the other hand, the Ministry is not the most reliable measure of all things."

"Decidedly not. It's a zoo, and I hate having to work there."

"Severus hates working at Hogwarts, too, and yet he has to."

"I know, I know. We have to play our roles in this game. It just sucks."

"Anyway," Raven changed the subject before she could lament that there were better things to waste her time with than dancing scantily-clad in a dingy club in Knockturn Alley- on the other hand, she was so much better off than the boys because she had chosen to do the dancing job and it still left her enough time for other... activities. "I could use a pair of these Two-way-mirrors. How did Sirius came by his?"

"If I may hazard a guess, he and Potter made them. They were always very inventive when it came to breaking the rules, testing out their limits and annoying other people."

"I remember." The '_Fat Crow_' was still ringing in her ears and she recalled several other humiliations by the Fab Four, the Marauders. No matter how hard she tried, she really couldn't comprehend why they were the Good Ones while she was evil only because she was a Slytherin- well, no one had ever said, 'You're evil,' to her face, but the fact alone of being a Slytherin was enough to qualify her as not acceptable for Auror training. It was mightily frustrating.

Then she started thinking about Sirius and when she'd seen him last. It was a long time ago. He had never visited the _Red Lantern_ again, nor had he been to Knockturn Alley recently- in fact she hadn't even seen his motorbike parked at his usual spot in the past few months. Therefore, the chance of meeting him any time soon (and asking if he could perhaps produce a pair of Two-way-mirrors for her) was less than little.

"He won't tell you," Regulus interrupted her thoughts, having figured out what she was mulling over.

"Well, perhaps... on the other hand, he fancies me."

"He merely wants to shag you, that's all.".

"I know. But I can handle him."

"You don't have to. There are other ways."

"Amuse me."

"Well, how does Dumbledore contact our dear Sev when he needs his immediate service?"

"He sends his annoyingly overbearing phoenix Patronus... Oh no, Blackie, you can't possibly-"

"Why not?"

_Because_... Well, of course, they hadn't learned the Patronus Charm at Hogwarts. It was advanced magic, advanced Defence against the Dark Arts, and the majority of their teachers had surpassed each other with incompetence. All but one.

Raven knew that although the Patronus Charm was mostly used to drive off Dementors, it was also a messenger spell, and she knew that already even before Professor Steel told her about its Dementor-dispelling effect. She still recalled mother's pretty, silvery raven...

But instead of being eager to learn that spell (which now would have been the perfect solution for their current communication problem) she had managed to distract Professor Steel every time the tough Auror had tried to make it the topic of their private lessons. The reason for her irrational behaviour reached back to an event in the past, several years ago, when her aunt Drusilla had been murdered.

Way back then, she had been eager to learn, and mother had tried to teach her. Alas, it had gone wrong...

-o-

_'You just have to think of a happy memory, something positive that gives you joy and hope, and then you simply speak the incantation, _Expecto Patronum_'. Mother said, and it sounded much too easy for a spell that was supposed to be advanced magic._

_It wasn't hard for Raven to think of something happy, but when she spoke the incantation, nothing happened._

_'Try again, darling,' mother encouraged her gently, claiming that her efforts were going well and that she had almost mastered a non-corporal Patronus- _whatever that meant.

_But the diffuse light shooting from the tip of her wand wasn't even halfway close to mother's pretty, silvery raven of light, so she thought it a total failure._

_'Try another memory, perhaps,' mother encouraged her again, with the same gentle tone in her voice that spoke of the great faith she had in her daughter._

_And so Raven tried once more. She didn't want to disappoint her mother (_although Mrs Lestrange never saw it that way_), but it never really worked the way it should- then, finally, her happy memory, combined with the power of her wand, created a puff of energy and light that seemed to form into something... _enormous_ of obscure shape._

_Startled, Raven's focus wavered and the light disappeared before it could take on a recognizable profile..._

_-o-_

She had never tried again in fear of what she might conjure up. After all, she was a Slytherin and it was said that Slytherins weren't capable of casting a Patronus- of course, that was nonsense. There was also no reason to believe she could possibly conjure up something evil, and yet she used that excuse to tell Regulus that his idea was bound to fail.

"Bullshit!"He said, surprise in his voice. "When has the fact of being Slytherin ever stopped you from acting contrary to what people expect you to do? You like Muggles, you disrespect the Dark Lord- hell, you destroyed one of his Horcruxes today. And yet you possess the nerve to tell me we can't cast a bloody Patronus Charm because we're Slytherins? What's wrong with you, Raven? Is it still the influence of that bloody Horcrux?"

Raven shook her head no and heaved a sigh, wondering how to change the topic, how to distract Regulus, who was much too clever to get fooled by lame excuses. She smelled a chance when his glance- although he was still waiting for an explanation- suddenly drifted over the table to a rather official looking file that was lying next to a pile of books. Instinctively, she tried to hide it, but that only seemed to spark his interest even more.

"What's that?" He picked up the file and began leafing through it, then his eyes widened. "Is that really an official Muggle police record?"

"No!" Raven snatched it out of his hands and placed it on the kitchen counter behind her back. Sometimes, she really hated his curiosity although it came in quite handy now since it took his mind of the damned Patronus topic.

"Well, it looks rather official. And who is Mark Feld?"

"Otherwise known as Marc Bolan..." She mumbled quietly, and no, she didn't want to explain how she had come by the official police report of his accident- or, to be more precise, a copy of it.

But, apparently, Regulus didn't care for an explanation. He merely wondered, "Why are you so obsessed with his death?"

"Why? Because he died much too young. Alright, he was a rock star, and most of them do die much too young. But I simply _know_ his death wasn't a bloody accident, caused by drugs, or booze, or circumstances. He was killed by the Dark Arts, and one day I will be able to prove it. One day, I will find out what really happened, and then I will come up with evidence instead of speculations."

"Hm," Regulus pondered over her words, "but why would someone- presumably a Death Eater, since you mentioned the Dark Arts- kill a Muggle rock star? Well, except for the obvious reason, meaning him being a Muggle?"

"But Marc wasn't just a simple Muggle. He- well, I wouldn't say he _knew _of our world, but he was definitely... _amenable_ to it, as his lyrics prove. Magic and wizards, unicorns and dragons, seers and sages weren't just fairy tales to him; he believed in their existence due to his instinctive intuition for the supernatural. Therefore, and because he was about to restart his career, someone must have thought him a threat to the wizarding world."

"Well, but if you're right, doesn't it mean that that _someone_ had access to the Muggle world? Which, in my humble opinion, would rule out any of the Death Eaters- or could you imagine the Dark Lord listening to the Muggle wireless, checking Muggle rock music for lyrics of some magical content?"

"No, of course not!" Raven chuckled ever so slightly at the idea. It was absurd. Nevertheless, someone with close connections to the Dark Lord and his elitist circle of pure-blood bigots must have taken notice of Marc, there was no other explanation to his mysterious accident. Not unless she wanted to chime in to the choir of those dunderheads accusing his girlfriend, since that was the most popular and easiest solution.

Meanwhile, Regulus had focused his attention on the pile of books on the table, and he took off one by one, reading the titles aloud. They ranged from _Anatomy: a Beginners Guide_ over _Auror Training: Part Two _and_ Famous Crimes Stories _to _The Guidelines of Forensic Science._

He cleared his throat."You're so set in your beliefs, and you're spending so much time and energy with all of this- crime, Auror training, anatomy, forensic science- I just don't get that someone like you could take a flimsy excuse for granted, like the one with Slytherins and the Patronus Charm."_ ._

Her mood suffered a setback because it was apparent that Regulus hadn't yet given up on the Patronus question.

"It doesn't work," she hissed through clenched teeth.

"Ah, so you tried it already?" Regulus asked and added, "I almost thought so. What went wrong?"

Raven rolled her eyes and ruffled her hair; she still didn't really want to talk about it but there seemed to be no way to talk herself out of it. "Well, _theoretically_, I know how to do it .Mum tried to teach me once after my aunt and uncle were murdered. But apparently it needs more than just theoretic knowledge..."

"Of course, it needs practice, like each and every charm or spell."

"Are you trying to be smug, Blackie? It simply didn't work."

"Ah, it can't be that hard, eh?" He said after having persuaded her to explain how the Patronus Charm worked. "Especially for you. I mean, one would reckon you'd merely have to think of dear Sev to come up with a happy memory, and boom!-there's an overgrown bat-shaped Patronus."

Whatever it was that her wand had emitted way back then, years ago, it definitely hadn't resembled a bat. Not even an overgrown bat, although _overgrown_ it had been indeed. But thinking of Sev had not triggered that... something. Being in love was apparently not enough to cast a decent Patronus. Well, at least not if the love was unrequited, and the happy memories were tainted with the image of bloody St Lily...

Meanwhile, Regulus was up on his feet, brandishing his wand and you could see he was eager to master the Patronus Charm. Or, perhaps, he was merely trying to prove Raven that it even worked for Slytherins_. A_nyhow, his efforts seemed to be successful.

First, his wand only emitted a puff of light, shining and bright. It was sufficient enough to go for a non-corporal Patronus, something that Raven had managed as well, way back then. But just a little later, after speaking the incantation aloud once more, the light at the tip of his wand seemed to take on a shape-

Regulus laughed out happily when a silvery fox appeared and started frolicking through Raven's kitchen.

"Merlin's hairy bollocks!" She commented dryly. "The canine influence seems to be prominent in your family."

The fox disappeared. Regulus glanced at her, pensive and silent for a moment, mulling over what she just said. Then he shrugged. The analogy was there, of course (his brother's Animagus form was a big, black dog) but he didn't care because he hadn't been thinking of Sirius when casting his Patronus; his memory had been of a much happier nature. And so, as confident as he was momentarily, he encouraged Raven to give it another try. She couldn't possibly fail.

-o-

His reasoning made sense to her; it was true that she wasn't as tainted with the Dark Arts as he, who had grown up in a typical Slytherin home and who had adopted the typical Slytherin's way of life at Hogwarts, simply because it was familiar to him. But he had changed, and he could cast a fully-fledged corporal Patronus now, and it was looking so very fucking easy how he manoeuvred his bloody silvery fox- vixen?- through her kitchen, a happy expression on his face.

It was almost encouraging enough for her to try it again. Perhaps she's simply been too young when mother had tried to teach her? Besides, Raven's collection of happy memories had grown in recent years-

And yet, they were still tainted. No matter how often they had shared the bed, Severus had made it quite clear that there was no future for them. Because he would always love bloody St Lily.

So, to not feel like a total loser, Raven finally tried another memory, one that had nothing to do with Severus. And indeed, something happened. She could feel the energy as she aroused that enormous... _thing- _monster_?- _again, watching it growing, and this time, her curiosity won. She let it happen. Then, she had been scared. But now, reconsidering what memory had triggered it, she thought it pretty unlikely that something evil could derive from it. After all, it was a happy memory, unadulterated by a hapless love story...

The spark ignited at the tip of her wand, and what she had feared to see was taking shape. She watched it growing, becoming more and more concrete until it almost filled her kitchen.

Regulus gasped. Her mother had gasped, too, way back then. Probably fearing for her house and all its interior. Then, Raven had stopped, startled. But today she let it happen. Call it curiosity or perhaps even a certain recklessness- or, perhaps, she was now old enough to simply know her happy memory couldn't possibly give birth to a horrible monster.

In the end, she laughed out loud. So much about the fear of conjuring up a terrible beast! She wasn't a failure. She was a Slytherin, and she could bring to life a rather wonderful, though rather unusual, corporal Patronus.

"Bloody hell!" Regulus breathed as he watched her monstrous Patronus chasing his pretty silvery vixen through the kitchen. "What the fuck is that? It's not a dragon, isn't it?"

"Of course it's not!" Raven chuckled cheerfully while trying to master that beast, making it less sizeable and therefore easier to handle. "It's a dinosaur, the ancestors of dragons, and this particular one is a Tyrannosaurus Rex- commonly abbreviated to T. Rex."

Now, Regulus was laughing too.


End file.
